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1
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,334
It's absolutely remarkable.
2
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,381
I've never seen anything like this.
3
00:01:05,423 --> 00:01:06,815
It should be impossible,
4
00:01:06,857 --> 00:01:08,451
but we've tried every option.
5
00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:10,419
Paul ruins every single table.
6
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,855
See, there aren't enough
borings for a boring table.
7
00:01:13,897 --> 00:01:16,725
I mean, we could put him
at the Alzheimer's table,
8
00:01:16,767 --> 00:01:18,660
and they'll forget how boring he is.
9
00:01:18,702 --> 00:01:21,230
Ugh. I don't want him at my wedding.
10
00:01:21,272 --> 00:01:23,708
Why can't he just go to another wedding?
11
00:01:24,692 --> 00:01:26,902
Gretchen, put down the Paul.
12
00:01:26,944 --> 00:01:29,104
This is insane. We deserve a break
13
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:31,961
from the mind-numbing
drudgery of wedding planning.
14
00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:32,975
Something fun.
15
00:01:33,017 --> 00:01:35,077
Mailbox baseball in Beverly Hills?
16
00:01:35,119 --> 00:01:36,845
'Shrooms at the Museum of Tolerance?
17
00:01:36,887 --> 00:01:38,447
Egging golfers as Griffith Park?
18
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,432
No. Even better.
19
00:01:41,058 --> 00:01:43,689
- Fuck Week.
- Fuck Week.
20
00:01:43,731 --> 00:01:46,055
Fuck Week. For a week,
21
00:01:46,097 --> 00:01:48,023
we can sleep with whomever we like...
22
00:01:48,065 --> 00:01:49,223
In.
23
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,027
You know, to get it out of our systems.
24
00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:53,158
Got it. I'm in.
25
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:56,876
Oh. Well... wonderful.
26
00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,635
Ground rules. Safety is mandatory.
Otherwise, no limits.
27
00:01:59,677 --> 00:02:01,804
Location: anywhere but here and
the Cheesecake Factory bathroom.
28
00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:04,940
That's ours. 2:01 next Sunday, it ends.
29
00:02:04,982 --> 00:02:07,109
Have you done this before?
30
00:02:07,151 --> 00:02:08,844
Good?
31
00:02:08,886 --> 00:02:10,793
- Fuck Week?
- Fuck Week.
32
00:02:25,624 --> 00:02:31,624
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:08,537
Oh! Gretch! I have a sitch
with Sam and the guys.
34
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,205
Just leak Sam's tuck shots.
35
00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:11,707
That should buy you a couple weeks.
36
00:03:11,749 --> 00:03:13,376
They want me to publicize
their new track,
37
00:03:13,418 --> 00:03:14,442
but it's really bad.
38
00:03:14,484 --> 00:03:18,013
Like, Vietnam bad.
Wait. Was Vietnam bad?
39
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:21,049
Listen, I just really don't
have time to hold your hand
40
00:03:21,091 --> 00:03:23,526
through this one. Jimmy proposed
41
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:25,754
that we have sex with other
people for the week!
42
00:03:25,796 --> 00:03:27,875
- Oh!
- Oh, my God, Gretch.
43
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,415
Let's go day-dicking like we used to.
44
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,781
We'll go to Barney's Beanery,
45
00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:34,763
the Museum of Tolerance,
Trader Joe's on La Brea...
46
00:03:34,805 --> 00:03:36,865
That's the one with all
the hip fuck-dads.
47
00:03:36,907 --> 00:03:38,767
And Runyon Canyon for fit dick.
48
00:03:38,809 --> 00:03:41,301
Mrs. Cutler? Nock Nock is here.
49
00:03:42,954 --> 00:03:44,799
Send him in.
50
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,993
And, by the way,
Mrs. Cutler is my bitch mom.
51
00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:54,139
I have a quick signing meeting.
52
00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:55,800
Let me make this kid's day.
53
00:03:55,842 --> 00:03:59,455
Then you and I can head
down to dick island!
54
00:03:59,497 --> 00:04:02,463
2:00 p.m., Runyon Canyon,
by the dog water fountain.
55
00:04:02,505 --> 00:04:06,353
And remember, Gretch, guys with
golden retrievers eat pussy.
56
00:04:11,343 --> 00:04:13,434
Nock Nock, hi.
57
00:04:13,476 --> 00:04:15,684
I'm Gretchen. So nice to meet you.
58
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:17,756
Have a seat.
59
00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:20,916
I'll just jump right in.
60
00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:23,918
Here at Caliber, we do
PR and brand management
61
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,301
for some of the biggest
artists worldwide.
62
00:04:26,343 --> 00:04:28,016
And we want to work with you.
63
00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:30,527
- Congratulations.
- Okay.
64
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,346
Everyone will know your name.
65
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,236
How did you get your name, by the way?
66
00:04:34,278 --> 00:04:36,124
Been hearing it my whole life.
67
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,615
- Knock-knock jokes?
- Nah.
68
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,570
We didn't have a doorbell.
69
00:04:41,418 --> 00:04:42,781
Or a door.
70
00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:47,470
Okay. Uh, should we make this "offish"?
71
00:04:47,512 --> 00:04:50,609
Cool. I'll take a look at that
when I hear your full pitch.
72
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:52,641
Strategy,
73
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,549
targets, concept art.
74
00:04:54,591 --> 00:04:57,980
Of course. Sure. My full pitch.
75
00:04:58,022 --> 00:05:00,617
Great. We'll set something up.
76
00:05:01,909 --> 00:05:04,217
Fu...
77
00:05:08,551 --> 00:05:09,815
_
78
00:05:09,857 --> 00:05:12,335
♪ Drug song ♪
79
00:05:12,377 --> 00:05:15,333
♪ It's my drug song ♪
80
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,539
- ♪ Drug song... ♪
- JIMMY: Well, this is
81
00:05:17,581 --> 00:05:20,959
an incongruous costume for you...
"Person Who Cares About Work."
82
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:24,586
This signing should be a layup, but no.
83
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,736
The hillbilly marathoned Shark Tank,
84
00:05:26,778 --> 00:05:28,226
and now he knows what a pitch is.
85
00:05:28,268 --> 00:05:29,950
And now that Yvette made
me care about my job,
86
00:05:29,992 --> 00:05:32,080
I have to land him, and I hate it.
87
00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:34,534
Oh. Booty text?
88
00:05:34,576 --> 00:05:37,117
Sam. He's pissed he hasn't heard
89
00:05:37,159 --> 00:05:38,777
their song on the radio yet.
90
00:05:38,819 --> 00:05:40,779
Huh.
91
00:05:40,821 --> 00:05:44,213
Oh. Sorry.
92
00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:45,884
- This is awkward.
- No!
93
00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:48,286
It's Fuck Week.
94
00:05:48,328 --> 00:05:51,389
As soon as I get this goddamn
pitch done, I'm gonna be
95
00:05:51,431 --> 00:05:53,709
balls deep in balls.
96
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,860
Thanks, Edgar.
97
00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:00,731
- _
- GRETCHEN: Then,
98
00:06:00,773 --> 00:06:02,683
the day your new video drops,
99
00:06:02,725 --> 00:06:06,505
only your face... not your
name... Is on billboards.
100
00:06:06,547 --> 00:06:08,240
People will look up and ask...
101
00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:10,408
"Who's there?"
102
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,648
Answer: Nock Nock.
103
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:17,260
Good job. I can see
you worked real hard.
104
00:06:17,302 --> 00:06:19,363
Great. Then let's sign that contract.
105
00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:20,764
Listen, Gretchen, there's something
106
00:06:20,806 --> 00:06:22,265
you got to know about me.
107
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:25,466
I made everything out
of dirt. Whole scratch.
108
00:06:25,508 --> 00:06:27,238
I'm out here alone since I was 15.
109
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,473
Mushing. Rectify.
110
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:33,091
"Knock Knock." "Come in." You know?
111
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,888
Plus, I got Charles.
112
00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:45,491
I got to take Charles to volleyball.
113
00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:47,604
I believe in you, Gretchen.
114
00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:48,923
Full heart.
115
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,399
What the hell, Gretch?!
116
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,067
I actually had to hike yesterday
117
00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:59,302
because I thought I
went to the wrong side.
118
00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:01,838
- You didn't get laid?
- Of course I got laid.
119
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,901
- Did he have a golden retriever?
- No.
120
00:07:04,943 --> 00:07:06,462
A Rottweiler.
121
00:07:06,504 --> 00:07:08,079
Jesus, are you okay?
122
00:07:08,121 --> 00:07:10,543
- Sam's on the phone for you.
- She's not here!
123
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:14,375
I killed Sam's garbage track.
124
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:15,501
Wait a sec.
125
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:17,888
You killed it as in you
called every radio station
126
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:20,724
and media outlet and convinced
them not to play the track
127
00:07:20,766 --> 00:07:22,395
even though they'd already received it?
128
00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:24,834
And I still found time to get all in it.
129
00:07:24,876 --> 00:07:26,636
Ugh. You know what? You're right.
130
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,703
You and Jimmy are both pulling tail.
131
00:07:28,745 --> 00:07:31,411
- Screw this.
- There's my girl.
132
00:07:31,453 --> 00:07:33,907
Tomorrow night, Soho House.
133
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:36,768
Gretchen goes to slam town.
134
00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:38,335
_
135
00:07:39,862 --> 00:07:41,655
Come here, say hi. I'm dying.
136
00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:44,733
Oh, uh... Oh, I should
really take a shower.
137
00:07:45,624 --> 00:07:47,813
Jesus, did you bone a catfish?
138
00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:50,631
Oh. Fuck Week.
139
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:52,800
- Fuck Week!
- So you're ready
140
00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:55,603
- to finally go out, huh?
- As soon
141
00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:59,219
as I finish this target
monetization strat for Nock Nock.
142
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,274
If I can increase his engagement levels,
143
00:08:01,316 --> 00:08:03,826
land him a few key endorsements...
144
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:07,045
Ooh! Maybe I can get him a Waze channel?
145
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:14,488
- _
- NOCK NOCK: I'm not in it
146
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,490
for the money, never have been.
147
00:08:16,532 --> 00:08:19,126
You kidding?
148
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:21,061
- Ooh!
- Guys!
149
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,730
Guys, I am in a meeting.
150
00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:24,172
Lindsay tanked our release.
151
00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:27,034
Now no one's gonna hear our
fire-ass track of fire!
152
00:08:27,076 --> 00:08:29,236
I keep telling them the
track isn't ready.
153
00:08:29,278 --> 00:08:31,004
That's not your job, Messy bitch!
154
00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:33,140
Guys, that is exactly her job!
155
00:08:33,182 --> 00:08:35,316
- But who the hell is she to tell us shit?
- I am your publicist!
156
00:08:35,358 --> 00:08:36,977
- She's just some titty girl...
- That's who I am!
157
00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:38,272
- ...who used to hang out with you.
- I'm not some titty girl.
158
00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:39,412
- And now, we're supposed...
- That's insulting.
159
00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:40,673
- ...to listen to her? Her?
- I have a job, and...
160
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:41,545
- Her?
- ...it's whatever Gretchen...
161
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,831
- Her?
- ...said it was. Yes you are!
162
00:08:42,873 --> 00:08:44,446
May I hear the track?
163
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:49,489
♪ Stand around while you watch ♪
164
00:08:49,531 --> 00:08:50,681
- ♪ How the cookie crumbles ♪
- ♪ Cookie! ♪
165
00:08:50,723 --> 00:08:53,260
♪ People now, all your tracks,
mostly made of mumbles ♪
166
00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,195
♪ Free-associatin' shit like a poet ♪
167
00:08:55,237 --> 00:08:57,724
- ♪ Poetry! ♪
- ♪ Lookin' fly in my whip... ♪
168
00:08:57,766 --> 00:09:00,296
Forget we added that cookie line.
169
00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:03,170
That is so bad. What were
you guys even going for?
170
00:09:03,212 --> 00:09:05,773
We've been getting a lot
of moms at our shows,
171
00:09:05,815 --> 00:09:08,275
and... they're not even
coming to the after-party.
172
00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:10,010
We're losing relevance, bitch!
173
00:09:10,052 --> 00:09:12,846
Like Alanis Morissette
after Jagged Little Pill.
174
00:09:12,888 --> 00:09:15,448
You got a wild track in there,
175
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:17,718
but there's all this shit covering it.
176
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,087
You got Corn Flakes and Lucky Charms
177
00:09:20,129 --> 00:09:21,722
and Cocoa Puffs.
178
00:09:22,484 --> 00:09:24,269
But I just want a taste the milk.
179
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:27,928
- Who the hell is this kid?!
- Guys...
180
00:09:27,970 --> 00:09:32,265
I told Lindsay to hold off
on releasing the song,
181
00:09:32,307 --> 00:09:36,704
because I wanted to link you
guys up with Nock Nock.
182
00:09:36,746 --> 00:09:38,474
He's untested but very promising.
183
00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:41,192
I think a collab with him
184
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,443
could help you get your
track where you want it.
185
00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:46,546
I don't know this corny,
cereal-ass bitch!
186
00:09:46,588 --> 00:09:48,616
- Ah, yeah.
- He gets half a million
187
00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:50,150
monthly listens on SoundCloud.
188
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:51,952
Nice to meet you. Nock Nock, is it?
189
00:09:51,994 --> 00:09:53,679
It'd be an honor to help you guys out.
190
00:09:53,721 --> 00:09:56,256
Big Titty Dreams got me
through my parents' divorce.
191
00:09:56,298 --> 00:09:59,178
- Oh.
- See? This is a perfect example
192
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,562
of the extra cross-pollination
that Caliber can offer.
193
00:10:02,604 --> 00:10:04,356
I'm in.
194
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,836
- So we good?
- We're not good, Gretch.
195
00:10:08,878 --> 00:10:10,437
You ditched me at Soho House,
196
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:13,679
and I ended up pegging
an agent from APA.
197
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,053
APA, Gretch.
198
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:18,988
Oh, shit. You're on a Fuck Week?
199
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,105
That's why you've been
ignoring my texts?
200
00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:23,664
Yes. Duh.
201
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,431
Next time just say so.
202
00:10:30,216 --> 00:10:32,276
Thanks, fam.
203
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:33,552
Okay.
204
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,500
I did it! I got him! Can
you imagine how exciting
205
00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,692
this would be if he were actually good?
206
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,145
We doing this?
207
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,040
Hell yeah.
208
00:10:56,726 --> 00:10:59,452
Oh, these guys are so hot!
209
00:10:59,494 --> 00:11:03,023
I can't wait to put my
stuff in their stuff!
210
00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:04,925
Struggling actors are the best.
211
00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:06,326
They have so much to prove.
212
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:08,662
Oh, where are those
dummies with our drinks?
213
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:11,352
They better hurry, 'cause
I'm so ready to get down
214
00:11:11,394 --> 00:11:12,666
with their dicks.
215
00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:14,167
You okay?
216
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:17,671
You're shaking, and your
eyeballs are real shiny.
217
00:11:17,713 --> 00:11:20,640
It's because I'm so
happy we're doing this.
218
00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:23,827
- You?
- Definitely! I am so pumped
219
00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:26,321
to bone down with some strange.
220
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:30,018
But you don't have to.
221
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,685
You've had a busy week.
222
00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:34,984
My hood is extremely chapped.
But I'm still down if you are.
223
00:11:35,026 --> 00:11:37,544
Unless... you want to go.
224
00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:39,106
I mean...
225
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:40,859
in a way...
226
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,720
that might be the crazier thing to do.
227
00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:44,907
No one would see it coming.
228
00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:49,336
I don't wanna do this, either!
229
00:11:49,378 --> 00:11:52,152
Oh, I'm calling it. Fuck Week's done.
230
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:53,707
Oh, thank God.
231
00:11:53,749 --> 00:11:57,486
For real, I just want to find
my forever dick, Gretch.
232
00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:59,553
I have this gross feeling.
233
00:12:00,169 --> 00:12:03,389
Maybe I'm actually fulfilled by my job.
234
00:12:03,864 --> 00:12:06,794
Like, maybe it's not just
someplace for me to go
235
00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,688
to nap under my desk anymore.
236
00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:11,524
And instead of celebrating
this win with a bunch of dick,
237
00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:14,762
all I want to do is go
home and tell Jimmy.
238
00:12:14,804 --> 00:12:16,764
Oh, can I crash at your place tonight?
239
00:12:16,806 --> 00:12:18,866
I'm sick of hearing Becca
and Vernon whisper-fight
240
00:12:18,908 --> 00:12:21,994
over whose turn it is to
rinse out Tallulah's eye.
241
00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:26,866
- Can I borrow your lip balm?
- Mm.
242
00:12:33,155 --> 00:12:35,415
Ah...
243
00:12:40,012 --> 00:12:41,388
Oh, shit.
244
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:42,956
Ew.
245
00:12:42,998 --> 00:12:45,759
Look at Jimmy's Instagram.
What a pale booty.
246
00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,379
Geez, have some standards, Jimmy.
247
00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:49,856
Good night, Lindser.
248
00:12:52,191 --> 00:12:53,801
Hey, Jimmy,
249
00:12:53,843 --> 00:12:56,878
I forgive you for hooking
up with such a flat butt.
250
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,002
Make room. I'm coming to spoon you.
251
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:00,340
Jimmy?
252
00:13:00,382 --> 00:13:01,641
Jim...
253
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:27,344
_
254
00:13:40,962 --> 00:13:43,309
You're Jimmy Shive-Overly!
255
00:13:43,351 --> 00:13:45,078
I love you!
256
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,680
Sorry.
257
00:13:46,722 --> 00:13:48,448
Are you alone?
258
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,734
- Can I join you?
- Sorry, I'm on a deadline.
259
00:14:10,178 --> 00:14:11,772
♪ Cookin' it, cookin' it,
cookin' it, cookin' it ♪
260
00:14:11,814 --> 00:14:13,106
♪ Cookin' it to the spoon ♪
261
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,675
♪ Catch me, mama ♪
262
00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:16,643
♪ In your trap house
eating macaroons... ♪
263
00:14:16,685 --> 00:14:19,045
There you are. Food's here.
264
00:14:19,087 --> 00:14:20,613
Mnm, yum!
265
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:22,233
♪ Druggy drug drug song... ♪
266
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:23,263
_
267
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:26,810
Last night was mindboggling.
268
00:14:26,852 --> 00:14:28,530
Am I still a little tender?
269
00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:29,790
Yes.
270
00:14:29,832 --> 00:14:31,992
Well, I didn't know it
could bend that way.
271
00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,022
You should be in Cirque du Soleil.
272
00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:36,289
- What, tonight?
- Is Gretchen here?
273
00:14:39,391 --> 00:14:40,867
I can't believe you're
cheating on Gretchen,
274
00:14:40,909 --> 00:14:42,309
after everything you've
275
00:14:42,351 --> 00:14:44,129
- been through.
- I'm not cheating.
276
00:14:44,171 --> 00:14:46,735
It's Fuck Week. It's a week during which
277
00:14:46,777 --> 00:14:48,008
- both parties...
- It's in the name.
278
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,375
But, twist:
279
00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:51,712
I am not doing any cocksmanning.
280
00:14:51,754 --> 00:14:54,014
Ho-ho! What?!
281
00:14:54,056 --> 00:14:58,018
I'm abstaining, because I've
already participated in Fuck Week.
282
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,211
I just did it before
the official kickoff.
283
00:15:00,253 --> 00:15:02,756
- What do you mean?
- Well, having received...
284
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:06,059
underwhelming fellatio from a florist,
285
00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:09,354
I've contrived this brief fermata
286
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:10,731
in our carnal fealty
287
00:15:10,773 --> 00:15:13,399
to allow Gretchen to get even
288
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:15,268
- Hmm.
- Without her ever knowing
289
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:18,104
that there was a connubial
imbalance in the first place.
290
00:15:18,146 --> 00:15:19,840
So you did...
291
00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,708
cheat on Gretchen,
292
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:24,945
and only suggested Fuck Week as a scam
293
00:15:24,987 --> 00:15:28,081
to get rid of your guilt without
ever owning up to what you did.
294
00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:30,416
- To the simpleton.
- Oh, so, what,
295
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:32,552
Gretchen sleeps with a bunch of guys...
296
00:15:32,594 --> 00:15:34,755
Won't you be jealous?
297
00:15:34,797 --> 00:15:37,690
- I am post-jealousy.
- Uh-huh.
298
00:15:37,732 --> 00:15:41,261
But, as it turns out, Gretchen
is too busy with work,
299
00:15:41,303 --> 00:15:43,596
as ludicrous as that sentence sounds,
300
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:46,733
thus downgrading my plan to "flawed."
301
00:15:46,775 --> 00:15:48,701
Just be honest with her.
302
00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:50,436
Be Jimmy.
303
00:15:50,478 --> 00:15:52,906
Hmm. "Being Jimmy"
304
00:15:52,948 --> 00:15:56,989
means that, upon hearing advice
from Dim Roommate Edgar,
305
00:15:57,031 --> 00:16:00,781
I should immediately reject said
advice and do the opposite.
306
00:16:00,823 --> 00:16:03,649
It's settled, then. I shall double down
307
00:16:03,691 --> 00:16:05,752
and lean into the
illusion to motivate her.
308
00:16:05,794 --> 00:16:08,012
Good backwards advice, Edgar.
309
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,254
You've accidentally done it again.
310
00:16:12,217 --> 00:16:13,227
- _
- JIMMY: All right,
311
00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:14,659
start slow.
312
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:15,786
Ease into it.
313
00:16:15,828 --> 00:16:19,095
The right amount of
suction is imperative.
314
00:16:19,137 --> 00:16:22,263
Firm, but with an intermediate
amount of pressure.
315
00:16:22,305 --> 00:16:24,073
Bit of moisture should help it along,
316
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:25,987
and remember: no teeth.
317
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:28,044
I've done this before, honey.
318
00:16:31,132 --> 00:16:32,258
So, where do you want me?
319
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:34,521
Right...
320
00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:36,242
here.
321
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,823
Come here, say hi. I'm dying.
322
00:16:57,865 --> 00:17:00,918
Oh, uh, well, I should
really take a shower.
323
00:17:04,946 --> 00:17:06,059
_
324
00:17:07,412 --> 00:17:09,883
Yo, why are you playing
vids during Fuck Week?
325
00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:11,284
How do you know about that?
326
00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:13,686
Your girl told me how
much she's fuckin'.
327
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,655
She's probably pregnant by now.
328
00:17:15,697 --> 00:17:17,996
But she hasn't been doing it at all.
329
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,725
She's been working, nonstop.
330
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:22,195
- I've observed it myself.
- Fool.
331
00:17:22,237 --> 00:17:23,784
She's putting on a show.
332
00:17:23,826 --> 00:17:25,844
Bitch is a pathological liar
333
00:17:25,886 --> 00:17:27,870
who's weeks away from getting that ring.
334
00:17:27,912 --> 00:17:29,802
She gonna lie even more now.
335
00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:32,705
Once, when she spilled
chocolate on her pants,
336
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:35,175
she told the dry cleaners
that she'd shit herself
337
00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:37,310
because she didn't
want him to judge her.
338
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,382
You played yourself, man.
339
00:17:39,424 --> 00:17:42,215
You let the Hamburglar into
McDonald's on the honor system
340
00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:44,916
and you're sitting around here
just playing video games?
341
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,720
Thinking your burgers
are safe? Your burgers
342
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,255
are not safe!
343
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,193
You're so stupid, Jimmy.
344
00:17:53,235 --> 00:17:54,760
Oh!
345
00:17:54,802 --> 00:17:57,430
Game over!
346
00:18:02,978 --> 00:18:06,244
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
347
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,031
Your burgers are not safe.
348
00:18:09,117 --> 00:18:10,676
I've lethally miscalculated.
349
00:18:10,718 --> 00:18:12,212
I thought that it would make it even,
350
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:14,180
but it's not remotely even.
351
00:18:14,222 --> 00:18:16,618
I have to sleep with
one person, at least.
352
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:20,253
And Gretchen is fucking so many guys.
353
00:18:20,295 --> 00:18:23,223
So, so many.
354
00:18:23,265 --> 00:18:25,029
I thought you were post-jealousy.
355
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:28,235
I am now mid-post jealousy.
356
00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:31,431
Oh, look! Ecstasy.
357
00:18:31,473 --> 00:18:34,182
Just the elixir I need to get
into the perfect mindset.
358
00:18:35,522 --> 00:18:36,769
Hmm, a bit crumbly.
359
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,658
Better take two to ensure efficacy.
360
00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,983
When was the last time
you wore that jacket?
361
00:18:42,646 --> 00:18:45,411
Hmm, can't have been that long ago.
362
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:48,048
Oh, look. My old Zune.
363
00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:01,042
I'm going home.
364
00:19:01,084 --> 00:19:02,970
I get screwed enough at work.
365
00:19:15,474 --> 00:19:17,415
Am I sweating?
366
00:19:21,489 --> 00:19:24,750
Let's go, pal! Open up!
367
00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:25,957
Dude, come on!
368
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,320
- Night, night.
- Let's go, buddy.
369
00:19:27,362 --> 00:19:29,846
Pee and go, my man.
370
00:19:34,035 --> 00:19:35,168
_
371
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,899
Ew.
372
00:19:44,941 --> 00:19:47,402
Rough night, huh, buddy?
373
00:19:47,444 --> 00:19:48,570
Winning!
374
00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:51,154
'Twas a crazy night, indeed.
375
00:19:52,866 --> 00:19:55,144
- You off?
- Of course.
376
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:56,978
Last day of Fuck Week.
377
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,819
Oh, well.
378
00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:00,482
Go, go have fun.
379
00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:03,800
You're so cool, Jimmy. I
can't wait to marry you.
380
00:20:03,842 --> 00:20:06,746
Now I'm going to go get some dick.
381
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,545
Climb on all the dicks.
382
00:20:10,491 --> 00:20:14,596
Thank God Gretchen's finally
getting in the goddamn game.
383
00:20:14,638 --> 00:20:16,738
What do you mean, "finally"?
384
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,101
She called off her only
attempt at Fuck Week
385
00:20:19,143 --> 00:20:21,240
to come home to you, like a lame-o.
386
00:20:21,282 --> 00:20:22,937
But you were out squirting on dicks,
387
00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:24,692
like you should be, playa.
388
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:27,203
Thank God you posted that gross,
389
00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:28,963
pasty-ass girl butt on your Insta.
390
00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:31,154
It's what finally motivated
her to go dick hunting.
391
00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,782
That was my butt.
392
00:20:33,824 --> 00:20:36,218
What?!
393
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,120
That flat-booty bitch was you?
394
00:20:38,162 --> 00:20:40,922
I didn't fuck during Fuck Week.
395
00:20:40,964 --> 00:20:42,640
What?
396
00:20:42,682 --> 00:20:45,227
So neither of you goobers
have been banging at all?
397
00:20:45,269 --> 00:20:48,230
Yeah, Gretchen has. Sam told me.
398
00:20:48,272 --> 00:20:50,199
She lied to Sam to look cool.
399
00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:52,367
God. You both
400
00:20:52,409 --> 00:20:54,872
are such gigantic losers.
401
00:20:54,914 --> 00:20:57,139
And I'm the only one who
fucked during Fuck Week,
402
00:20:57,181 --> 00:20:58,740
and it wasn't even my Fuck Week.
403
00:20:58,782 --> 00:21:00,041
Well, Gretchen's about to do it.
404
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:01,776
Yeah, she is.
405
00:21:01,818 --> 00:21:03,637
Thanks to you.
406
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,454
Where are you now?
407
00:21:15,418 --> 00:21:16,869
Jealousy.
408
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:19,828
Yeah.
409
00:21:52,836 --> 00:21:54,929
Wha...?
410
00:21:54,971 --> 00:21:56,665
Oh, you're home.
411
00:21:56,707 --> 00:22:00,034
Jimmy, thank you so much
for suggesting Fuck Week.
412
00:22:00,076 --> 00:22:01,636
Oh, no problem.
413
00:22:01,678 --> 00:22:03,705
No, really.
414
00:22:03,747 --> 00:22:07,166
To be perfectly honest, it sounded fun,
415
00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:09,878
but I just wasn't feeling it
at first, which worried me.
416
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,065
So tonight I had meaningless
sex with a rando.
417
00:22:13,107 --> 00:22:15,638
Oh. That's great, great to hear.
418
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,486
And, well, Jimmy, it made me realize
419
00:22:17,528 --> 00:22:19,989
I don't want to do that anymore.
420
00:22:20,031 --> 00:22:22,017
I'm happy being with just you.
421
00:22:22,059 --> 00:22:24,022
And I'm not even lying to myself, which,
422
00:22:24,064 --> 00:22:26,461
if I'm not lying to someone
else is usually the case.
423
00:22:26,503 --> 00:22:28,320
But it's true.
424
00:22:28,362 --> 00:22:30,435
I just want you.
425
00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:34,869
Did it work for you? You get
it out of your system, too?
426
00:22:34,911 --> 00:22:37,339
I actually realized that I
didn't need it before you did,
427
00:22:37,381 --> 00:22:39,849
so... I didn't partake.
428
00:22:41,162 --> 00:22:42,426
Yes, you did.
429
00:22:42,468 --> 00:22:46,147
The lipstick, the
hickey, the Insta-butt?
430
00:22:46,189 --> 00:22:49,484
Yeah, well, I didn't want to
take Fuck Week away from you,
431
00:22:49,526 --> 00:22:53,516
so I just faked it for your benefit.
432
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:57,859
No! No!
433
00:22:57,901 --> 00:22:59,661
Jimmy! But I did,
434
00:22:59,703 --> 00:23:02,764
which means now we're going
into our marriage unequal.
435
00:23:02,806 --> 00:23:05,834
No, no, no, no, no. No, no,
it's... it's okay, it's okay.
436
00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:09,238
I-I got my dick sucked, so, it's even.
437
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,521
Oh, I thought you didn't
hook up this week.
438
00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:15,510
No, right. No.
439
00:23:15,552 --> 00:23:17,679
Didn't-didn't... didn't I say I...
440
00:23:17,721 --> 00:23:21,516
I actually had a small encounter, like,
441
00:23:21,558 --> 00:23:25,186
within the margin of error of said week.
442
00:23:25,228 --> 00:23:26,955
Margin of error? What does that mean?
443
00:23:26,997 --> 00:23:29,258
Oh, it's f... it's funny.
Do you remember
444
00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:33,230
when I picked out centerpieces
alone l-last week?
445
00:23:33,272 --> 00:23:34,796
Because I was working.
446
00:23:34,838 --> 00:23:37,854
Yeah. Yeah, well, while
y-you were doing that...
447
00:23:39,094 --> 00:23:41,903
the florist, you know,
448
00:23:41,945 --> 00:23:45,253
she kind of, um... she sucked my dick.
449
00:23:46,434 --> 00:23:49,010
You... you remember, because y-you said
450
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,365
that I wasn't... I wasn't a bad boy.
451
00:23:51,407 --> 00:23:54,048
Remember? So, yeah, yeah, technically,
452
00:23:54,090 --> 00:23:57,085
it happened before the commencement.
453
00:23:57,127 --> 00:23:59,788
But that is splitting hairs,
454
00:23:59,830 --> 00:24:02,122
really, because
455
00:24:02,164 --> 00:24:04,259
we both came to the same conclusion.
456
00:24:04,301 --> 00:24:06,979
That we don't want that anymore.
457
00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:09,181
So, yay, us.
458
00:24:10,391 --> 00:24:11,871
So, wait...
459
00:24:12,709 --> 00:24:14,712
you did all of this...
460
00:24:15,211 --> 00:24:17,639
Suggested Fuck Week, went
to elaborate lengths
461
00:24:17,681 --> 00:24:19,808
to make it seem like you were fucking...
462
00:24:19,850 --> 00:24:22,076
So I'd fuck someone, even
though I didn't want to,
463
00:24:22,118 --> 00:24:24,145
just so you could feel
better about yourself?
464
00:24:24,187 --> 00:24:26,014
Well, um, uh, I mean,
when you put it that way,
465
00:24:26,056 --> 00:24:28,016
it does sound a bit foolish.
466
00:24:28,058 --> 00:24:31,353
No. I'm impressed.
467
00:24:31,395 --> 00:24:33,021
You are?
468
00:24:33,063 --> 00:24:35,990
Makes me feel better to know
you're as big of a dishonest,
469
00:24:36,032 --> 00:24:38,360
disgusting fucking liar as I am.
470
00:24:41,738 --> 00:24:43,637
Good night, Jimmy.
471
00:24:43,679 --> 00:24:47,786
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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