All language subtitles for The Kids Are Alright s01e01 Pilot.eng

Adult Timmy: I turned 12
in the summer of 1972 --

an awesome time to be a kid.

It was the Wild West.

Bike helmets hadn't been
invented yet or car seatbelts

or even normal
adult supervision.

Dads weren't around
as much as they are now.

Mine was too busy with his job
at a big defense contractor,

keeping our neighborhood safe
from North Vietnamese invasion.

And my mom was busy
running the house.

She had a lot on her plate.

Did I mention
we were Catholics?

There were eight of us kids,
all boys.

That was a lot of testosterone
for one house, [ Yells ]

and it was about
to become even more.

I just said
that one of them

would have to give up
their bed to Lawrence

for the summer.
Knock it off.

You are not gonna ruin
your brother's homecoming.

My dad was so excited because
my oldest brother, Lawrence,

filled an obligation all
big Catholic families felt --

sending a son
to the seminary.

♪ In a white room ♪

♪ With black curtains ♪

♪ In the station ♪

Having a future priest

was a big source of status
for our family,

putting us
way ahead of the Harrigans.

12 kids, and all they
came up with was a nun.

♪ Tired starlings ♪

But having Lawrence
back from college

made me,
the needy middle child,

feel more forgotten than ever.

Father Dunne:
This is my body,

which will be
given up for you.

[ Bells ringing loudly ]

That was the day I famously
decided to upstage God.

[ Ringing continues ]

What the hell
is wrong with that kid?

♪♪

[ Ringing continues ]

You made a spectacle
of yourself in there.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

[ Baby coos ]

My family just
couldn't appreciate

my lively sense of showmanship.

Clearly, I would need to look

for a wider,
more sophisticated audience.

[ "Man of La Mancha
(I am I, Don Quixote)" plays ]

Yes.

Yes, I do.

♪ I am I, Don Quixote ♪

♪ The Lord of La Mancha ♪

♪ My destiny calls, and I go ♪

How's college going anyway,
college man?

Uh, it's --
There's food!

School's okay. I took
a math class last semester.

They teach
math there, too?

Hey. You're embarrassing
yourself.

St. Joe's is a fully-accredited
university.

You get into
Pythagoras' theorem yet?

It's a hell of a theorem,
Pythagoras'.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
I'm a fan.

Bless us, O Lord,
and these, Thy gifts...

All: Which we are
about to receive

from Thy bounty through
Christ our Lord. Amen.

-Careful.
-This ketchup tastes funny.

It's only different
because Mom made it,

and then she put it
in the regular bottle.

Mom made the ketchup?

What, His Majesty's
so fancy now

he can only eat
store-bought ketchup?

Lawrence, I want
to pick your brain

about how young people
see our president.

I find it informative
hearing all points of view.

Nixon's in the pocket
of big business.

Nobody asked you,
fathead.

Joey, make room
for your brother.

Hey, I wasn't done
with my pork chop.

Eat it over the sink.

I mean, is Nixon
even on the level?

I mean, what about that
Watergate break-in?

No, no. Nixon had nothing
to do with that.

[ Music playing in background ]
You know what I call Watergate?

That's phony news.

Would you tell him
to cut that racket?

Sorry. I didn't mean
to upset you.

I'm not upset.
You seem pretty upset.

You want to stay
out of this? You know what?

I actually, uh, promised I'd
drop in and see my friend AJ,

and I promised
to go right now,

so I'm gonna
go get changed.

Timmy:
♪ The Lord of La Mancha ♪

♪ A name -- ♪
[ Record scratches ]

Hey.

Mom, I have to learn
these songs.

Why, so you can
scare away bats?

No one wants
to hear you caterwauling.

What is this?
N-Nothing.

Just having fun.

Well, stop that.

What are you
really doing?

Okay, I'll tell you,
but it's a secret.

I'm auditioning
for a very prestigious

children's theater
in Hollywood.

-Mom!
-No!

Why can't I?

'Cause nobody's driving you
to Hollyweird

to be in some ridiculous show.
-I could take a bus

or hitchhike.
You know I don't approve that,

wasting good money
on buses.

Frank: [ Mockingly ] Look at me.
I'm Timmy. I'm special.

Yeah, no, sorry. We do not have
the wherewithal in this family

for any of you kids
to be special.

And thank goodness you mostly
turned out uninteresting,

like Frank here.

Hey. Here's
a summer project --

foreign missions.

Poor pagan babies
are starving to death,

and the church needs
money to save them

by baptizing them
before they die.

♪♪

Something's yours
around here,

you really got
to hold onto it, okay?

♪♪

Mommy, my lungs hurt.
I have asthma.

No, you don't.
We can't afford asthma.

That's just smog.
Go back outside and play.

Going to bingo
tonight with Dad. Ooh, he's got you

wearing your collar
like his prize poodle.

Hey, I don't mind you
being the favorite.

It's less pressure on
the rest of us not to suck.

Ah, well, I might be stepping
off the pedestal soon.

I'm not just home
for the summer.

I'm thinking about
not going back

to the seminary
at all, man.

Mike and Peggy
won't like that.

Well, it's my decision,
my life.

You think so?
Seriously?

I'm the next in line,

so if you don't
join the priesthood,

they'll definitely
make me.

When Notre Dame
beat Michigan State,

Dad promised God
one priest.

-Just tell 'em "no."
-I'm not you.

I don't get to grow my hair
and argue politics with Dad.

Don't do this.

I've got a girlfriend now,

a secret girlfriend,
and she's really cool,

but not so cool that
she'll keep making out with me

once I'm Father Eddie.

Just tell 'em the truth.
They can handle it.

No way!
Mom would wig out.

[ Toilet flushing ]
Mom must never know.

Then you shouldn't
talk so loudly

right next
to the bathroom. You didn't

Mm, I'll have
to sleep on that,

tonight,
in my own bed.

You'll like it
where I've been sleeping --

under the dining room
table.

You can still smell
where the dog died.

Narc!
[ Grunts ]

Aaaaah!

Excuse me, Mama.

You should probably know
that Frank and Edd--

Eddie's
killing Frank!

[ Sighs ]

[ Clangs ]
Ow!

[ Indistinct yelling ]

As ignored as I was generally,

I was absolutely invisible

whenever my brothers
were fighting,

so, really,
most of the time.

There's...cat...poop...
in...here.

Ugh!

Hi, I was interested
in auditioning for your show.

As the star...

or some other
very large role?

Performing experience?

Well, uh,
nothing you'd have seen.

I...

Oh! I sing
the Oscar Meyer Wiener song

whenever relatives
come over.

It's very good.

I'll explain.

I heard the whole thing.
-No, stop.

I should be the one
to tell them.

Mom, Dad, um...

...I'm thinking about
leaving the seminary,

not becoming a priest.
-What?!

-What?
-What?

I'm sorry. I didn't hear
the priest part.

All I heard about was
Eddie's secret girlfriend.

I know this feels like
a big deal right now --

Eddie has
a secret girlfriend?

♪♪

Peggy: How long has this
been going on?

I've been weighing the decision
for a while now.

I was talking about
Eddie's girlfriend.

I'd like
to meet this person.

I seriously hate you.

I already knew you
were up to something.

Remember,
I do your laundry.

[ Whimpers ]

What are you planning on
studying instead?

Me, for starters.
"Me."

And not
in any classroom,

but out experiencing
the world, you know?

M-Maybe I'll backpack
across Europe.

I backpacked across Europe
when I was your age,

except there were Germans
shooting at me.

You were actually younger,
and you forged Grandpa's signature to enlist

because you believed in
what you were doing.

Hey, you want
to kill Germans?

I'll sign the papers
right now.

Lawrence
isn't killing any Germans!

He's gonna be a priest!
Or somebody is.

If not him, Eddie for sure.
-[ Sighs ]

Right now, you need to
get down to that church and help Father Dunne.

The man has diabetes!

You're right.
I made a commitment,

a word that you might
want to look up

in that new
collegiate dictionary

that we had to buy you
for 22 bucks

because our old dictionary
didn't contain hip new lingo

like "Congressperson"
and "gorp."

I will see you...

at bingo.

♪♪

And get a haircut!

♪♪

[ Door slams ]

♪♪

It was that easy.

One phone call,

and I found my first paying
show-business job --

"paying" meaning I had to pay.

[ Sighs ]

[ Box rattles ]

[ Coins clatter ]

I had more money than this.

Joey: You had 9 bucks,
an Abba-Zaba,

and a picture...

of Laurie Partridge.

What happened
to my money, Joey?

I saw Jethro Tull at The Forum
on Saturday.

That man don't blow
his flute for free.

I have
an audition tomorrow!

It costs 40 bucks!

Take a chill pill.

Hang on.

Let's reconvene where there's
a modicum of privacy.

10 minutes, in my office.

Bring ice.

[ Door closes ]

[ Grunts ]

[ The Kinks'
"You Really Got Me" plays ]

I've given some thought
to your money problem.

My problem is
you stealing my money.

You're really going
to have to let that go.

My suggestion is

take your little
mission box

up to the rich,
douchebag neighborhood

and ring
a few douchebag doors.

With your big brown eyes
and big round head,

you'll clear 40 bucks
in an hour.

That money's
for the pagan babies.

Rich people don't care.

They get off on giving
their dough away.

They just want to feel good
about themselves

and get you
the hell off their porch.

A normal family, I could
just ask Mom or Dad,

but Dad's too cheap.

If he could, Dad would enjoy
tossing his dough around,

taking us all out to
a Ponderosa Steakhouse, say,

or Sizzler.

But that
Great Depression thing

always kicks in,
and, instead,

we come home to the taste
of fried bologna

and sadness.

Okay, blow.
I got things to do.

Dad let Joey build a tree house

because he liked that
Joey wanted to use his hands.

He had no idea how much.

♪ You really got me ♪

♪ You really -- ♪

Look --
No more holes.

And so groovy.

You'd be right at home
at a love-in.

Hey, that's the style
these days.

Trust me -- ratty dungarees
with patches.

Well, you
certainly get it.

Mom, this is
my girlfriend, Wendi.

Girlfriend.

Eddie has a girlfriend.
[ Chuckles ]

How come?
I'm sorry?

Oh, no need
to be sorry.

Look, I love Eddie.
Well, I love all my boys.

I have to. But how on earth
would Eddie get a girlfriend?

Lots of kids our age
are going together.

Yeah, but not
with Eddie.

How long have you two
known each other?

A-Around four months.
Ah, see, that explains it.

I always say it takes
four and a half months

before you really see
the flaws in a person.

Now you can move on
to some other boy,

and I just
saved you two weeks.

[ Sewing machine whirring ]

I think you are
amazing, Mrs. Cleary.

Running this home is a huge
managerial achievement.

Modern women look up to
Indira Gandhi and Golda Meir,

but those who choose
a domestic career

are no less viable
a role model.

[ Sewing machine turns off ]
[ Chuckles ]

I mean, that's just silly.
I'm no role model.

Though, I would like to see
Golda handle all my housework

and still make franks and beans
for Mister Meir.

You're so slim, Wendi.

I'm gonna make you a shift.

I have this Dacron fabric.
It is so colorful.

It's like
an LSD acid trip.

I wouldn't know.
Correct answer.

Come with me.
Let's take your measurements.

♪♪

Good night.

♪♪

Thank you so much,
ma'am,

on behalf of
the foreign missions.

So, listen,

there's another
good cause I wondered

if you might give to.
Um...

I've always had this dream of
singing and dancing in shows.

I-17.

I-17.

As in what you never want
to hear the girl say.

[ Softly ] "I 17."

[ Laughter ]
Good luck to you.

You came.

I'm glad.

[ Normal voice ]
Oh, I've spotted Lawrence Cleary,

our handsome seminarian.

Mike, could you have your son
call some numbers

and give
this old voice a rest?

[ Applause ]

Back off, girls.
That part of his life is over.

[ Laughter ]

Okay.

G-50.

As in, "Gee, where have
the last 50 years gone?"

Well, I'll tell you
where they went.

Me calling
bingo numbers. Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

I-20.
That would be I-20.

I-20.

As in I am 20,

which means I'm an adult.

But am I really an adult
if I can't even stand up

for who I am
and what I want to be?

Dad, I'm sorry.
I don't want to be a priest,

and I'm dropping out
of the seminary.

[ Murmuring ]

[ Bell rings ]
Woman: Bingo!

He's quitting, and he said it
in front of the whole bingo.

There is no putting
the toothpaste back in the tube.

Don't be silly.

I've been refilling
that same Pepsodent for years.

I don't get it.

Priesthood
was always his idea

since he was little,
not mine.

Remember
his 10th birthday

where all he asked for
was a chalice?

[ Chuckles softly ]

How'd you leave things
with him?

Ah, he's staying
with his friend AJ.

And where
does he live? Don't know.

Frank: In Burbank,
across from Shafer Field.

Thanks. Okay.

After work, you go
make things right with him.

You're telling me
what to do now?

I am,
when you're being dumb.

Mike, I know I'm not up
on current events

like Nixon
a-a-and Pythagoras,

but I am smart when it comes
to this house and these kids.

Some might even say
I'm a role model.

Who might say that?
Some!

There's a whole generation gap
happening out there,

which I know more about 'cause
I watch "Sonny and Cher,"

but I will not have any gaps
in my house with my boys.

[ Sighs ] The truth is,
I never really cared

about Lawrence
being a priest.

I don't care what
any of my kids do,

as long as --
I know, "as long as they're happy."

Oh, I don't even care
about them being happy.

I just want them around.

They'll scatter to
the four winds soon enough.

I won't have you pushing
one of them out the door.

♪♪

[ Clears throat ] I'll take it
under advisement.

I might go for a drive
after work tonight.

Clear my head.

No particular
destination.

Frank:
Across from Shafer Field. Shut up.

[ Humming tune of "Man of
La Mancha (I, Don Quixote)" ]

I'm off
to save more souls.

You're not
going anywhere...

without your mission box.

Nice work.
There's a lot of money there.

Now, I know this wasn't
the summer you pictured,

but you did well,
and honestly, Timmy,

if you had any talent at all,
I think I would've noticed.

Thanks, Mom.
I should go.

Hey, bring William
with you, okay?

You haven't ventured
outside in days.

You're gonna
get rickets.

Mommy?

Will I get
rickets, too?

Oh, Pat...

maybe.

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Lawrence,
I think it's your dad.

I guess there's no pretending
you're AJ's mom.

[ Sighs ]

Frank:
Mom, Timmy's not out

collecting for
the foreign missions.

He's auditioning
for the stupid show

you told him not to.

That kid
is a mental case.

And, Frank,

about you being such
a big tattle-tale --

Thank you.

Eddie, watch the baby!
Frank, keys.

[ Door opens, keys jingle ]

[ Siren wailing ]

William.

Am I
a good singer?

No, but
confidence helps.

You really seem
to have a lot of it.

God only knows why.

And with one tug of a
disarmingly sticky door handle,

I took my first step
into show business.

[ Brakes squeal ]

[ Engine turns off ]

Lawrence: What are we
doing out here?

You know
a lot of people saw me

get in the car
with you, right?

You quit the seminary
over a girl?

No. AJ's a recent
development.

I don't even know what's going
on there, to be honest.

Oh, don't worry.
She'll figure it out

and tell you.

[ Chuckles ]

You know, this isn't
about celibacy, Dad.

There are big changes
right now, and I want

to be a part of them.
Hey, trust me, I know about the changes, okay?

Your mother watches
"Sonny and Cher."

[ Sighs ] Look, you've been
jerking our chain

about this priest thing
for years, all right?

And maybe...

I got excited

because
it's respectable.

It's certainly a step up
for the Clearys. [ Sighs ]

My dad worked his whole life
in a coal mine.

That man
never had two --

Whoa.

Whoa!

There she is --
the LGM Minuteman III.

Wait, it's going
to the moon?

Yeah, we're sending a nuclear
warhead to blow up the moon.

We're fed up with tides
and women's periods.

[ Clicks tongue ]

It's a test.

She'll ditch in the ocean
800 miles that way,

maybe take out
a few sea otters.

You know, for something
so dreadful,

which I abhor
on principle,

it's pretty cool.

Did you build it?

[ Chuckles ]
Son, I am a machinist.

Engineers, the scientists,

they figure out
what they need.

I grind a few pieces
on a lathe --

grommets,
some sheeting.

They're down there
right now,

my bosses,
the big brains

that took us
to the moon, and...

they own the future.

I'm just a guy
holding their coats...

because I didn't
go to college.

Look, if you are

determined to quit
the seminary...

...might I suggest some version
of a college degree?

My father,
Michael Lawrence Cleary,

he scratched at the earth
for a living.

I want my sons
reaching for the stars.

You know...

...there's a tiny fixed nozzle
with the TVC system

on the third-stage booster
when it separates.

It's just
a few centimeters.

It has to hold up
against 400,000 PSI.

There you go.

I made that nozzle.

♪♪

Screw it. [ Sighs ]

Let's get some waffles.

Our revels
now are ended.

These are our actors.

The solemn temple,
the great Globe itself,

yea, all which
it inherits...

Maybe you can get
your 40 bucks back.

[ Sirens wailing ]

Peggy: Oh, those sneakers
look like Eddie's size.

We should come back later
with a ladder.

Okay. Next up is...

Timmy Cleary.

[ Chair creaks ]

Do you have
sheet music?

Never mind.
Just, uh...

You'll be fine.

[ Quietly ]
♪ Sing ♪

♪ Sing a song ♪

♪ Sing out loud ♪

♪ Sing out strong ♪

♪ Sing of good things ♪

♪ Not bad ♪

♪ Sing of happy ♪

♪ Not sad ♪

♪ Sing ♪

[ Piano accompanies ]
♪ Sing a song ♪

[ Louder ]
♪ Make it simple ♪

♪ To last
your whole life long ♪

♪ Don't worry that
it's not good enough ♪

♪ For anyone else to hear ♪

♪ Just sing ♪

♪ Sing a song ♪

[ Confidently ]
♪ Sing ♪

♪ Sing a song ♪

♪ Let the world ♪

♪ Sing along ♪

[ Whispering ]
Okay, we should go.

[ Whispering ] But -- But what
about Timmy disobeying?

What about him
wasting 40 -- He's excellent.

♪ Sing for you and ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ Sing ♪

People remember the 1970s
as a tense and divisive time

with war and Watergate

and the generations
pulling against each other,

but I think back
on my ridiculous family,

and it gives me hope for today

that tense times are something
we just have to go through

once in a while
to come out the other side

a changed,
more accepting world.

♪ Sing a song! ♪

Time to try on
your pantaloons, milord.

It's stupid going
to all this trouble.

He's the understudy.
-An excellent understudy.

You heard him sing.
He's practically an Osmond.

I'm a heartbeat away
from the star. And anything

That boy could get sick
or he could fall

and break a leg on the way
to rehearsal.

And if no one
else was around,

who's to say
if he fell or got pushed.

Right, Joey?
-Kid sounds like a klutz to me.

You'll need
to point him out.

Timmy:
♪ I am I, Don Quixote ♪

♪ The Lord of La Mancha ♪

♪ A name all the world
soon will -- ♪

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