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1
00:00:03,329 --> 00:00:04,658
- Are they done?
- I think they're done.
2
00:00:04,659 --> 00:00:06,662
Hey, get away from there.
3
00:00:06,663 --> 00:00:09,593
Those are muffins,
not Girls Gone Wild.
4
00:00:10,764 --> 00:00:12,218
Staring at them is
not gonna get them
5
00:00:12,219 --> 00:00:14,857
to lift up their
shirts and go, "Whoo!"
6
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,546
Yes, they're ready!
7
00:00:17,547 --> 00:00:18,687
Whoo!
8
00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:24,904
- Isn't that hot?
- So hot.
9
00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,601
Bonnie, have one.
10
00:00:31,963 --> 00:00:33,579
Oh, my God. They're delicious.
11
00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,940
Is that the most delicious
corn muffin you've ever had?
12
00:00:35,941 --> 00:00:37,437
Ed, what is your secret?
13
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,791
I lost my virginity to
my second cousin, Sheila.
14
00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:45,301
Not the...
Yuck! No, not that secret.
15
00:00:45,302 --> 00:00:47,170
How can something so bitter
16
00:00:47,171 --> 00:00:49,452
make something so sweet?
17
00:00:49,453 --> 00:00:51,338
I grow my own corn.
18
00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:53,427
The stalks are almost
touching the roofline.
19
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,040
Drives my neighbor crazy.
20
00:00:56,736 --> 00:00:57,986
You know, I may be a romantic,
21
00:00:57,987 --> 00:01:00,330
but I think her
hatred makes the corn
22
00:01:00,331 --> 00:01:02,376
taste that much sweeter.
23
00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:07,038
It's also the amount
of manure I use.
24
00:01:07,039 --> 00:01:08,587
My soil is so full of crap
25
00:01:08,588 --> 00:01:10,953
it could start its own ministry.
26
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,593
I'm dumping another
batch tomorrow.
27
00:01:14,594 --> 00:01:17,387
Oh, um, do you think you
can do that in the afternoon?
28
00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:18,966
I'm interviewing
someone here tomorrow.
29
00:01:18,967 --> 00:01:19,998
Don't you have an office?
30
00:01:19,999 --> 00:01:22,663
Yes, but I'm interviewing
this local TV news anchor
31
00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:25,129
about how the news has
basically become a tabloid.
32
00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:27,816
She wants to speak
to me off the record.
33
00:01:27,817 --> 00:01:29,098
I am sworn to secrecy.
34
00:01:29,099 --> 00:01:30,406
- Who is I?
- Soledad Cho.
35
00:01:30,407 --> 00:01:31,821
Damn it.
36
00:01:33,191 --> 00:01:36,556
Um, KPIL action news
team anchor Soledad Cho?
37
00:01:36,557 --> 00:01:37,843
She... she's coming here?
38
00:01:37,844 --> 00:01:40,686
Why is he so excited?
Is she made of frosting?
39
00:01:42,859 --> 00:01:44,710
No, no.
40
00:01:44,711 --> 00:01:46,394
She's on his list.
41
00:01:46,395 --> 00:01:48,391
Of people to eat?
42
00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:50,325
The list.
43
00:01:50,326 --> 00:01:51,987
You know, the list you
make when you get married
44
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:53,605
of celebrities you're
allowed to sleep with
45
00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:55,055
if you had the chance.
46
00:01:55,056 --> 00:01:56,927
Soledad makes the news so sexy.
47
00:01:56,928 --> 00:01:59,771
You know, I love the way she says,
"this just in."
48
00:02:01,725 --> 00:02:03,015
Who else is on your list?
49
00:02:03,016 --> 00:02:04,457
- Jennifer Aniston.
- Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,433
She's on mine too.
51
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
52
00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:22,199
Dad, you got another letter
53
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,504
from the Homeowners' Association
54
00:02:23,505 --> 00:02:24,792
about the height of your corn.
55
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:25,800
Ooh, this looks serious.
56
00:02:25,801 --> 00:02:28,144
I better do something
about this right away.
57
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:34,617
Oh, I feel so much better.
58
00:02:34,618 --> 00:02:38,076
That was really
hanging over my head.
59
00:02:38,077 --> 00:02:40,051
Ed, as a real estate
agent I should advise you
60
00:02:40,052 --> 00:02:42,270
not to make enemies with the
Homeowners' Association.
61
00:02:42,271 --> 00:02:44,134
It's not the
Homeowners' Association.
62
00:02:44,135 --> 00:02:46,553
It's one overstressed,
undersexed lonely woman
63
00:02:46,554 --> 00:02:49,799
with a frown on her face
and a stick up her ass.
64
00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:52,522
I believe those are
the exact same words
65
00:02:52,523 --> 00:02:55,574
you used to describe
Dora the explorer.
66
00:02:56,839 --> 00:02:58,638
Why does Dora have
to go everywhere?
67
00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,597
And what the hell
is in her backpack?
68
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,010
Hi, Ed.
69
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:10,228
Rosemary Pernworth,
70
00:03:10,229 --> 00:03:12,368
vice president of the Fleetridge
Homeowners' Association.
71
00:03:12,369 --> 00:03:13,569
I know when I come
here as a neighbor
72
00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:14,546
you slam the door on me.
73
00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:17,521
So I thought if I came
on official business...
74
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:23,613
Was that her?
75
00:03:23,614 --> 00:03:26,556
Wasn't Dora the
freakin' explorer.
76
00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:29,789
Hey, what happened
to Rosemary's husband?
77
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,229
Died five years ago.
78
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:33,869
Massive stroke in the supermarket.
79
00:03:33,870 --> 00:03:34,928
I'd have chosen divorce,
80
00:03:34,929 --> 00:03:37,378
but hey, we all have
our own thing, huh?
81
00:03:39,778 --> 00:03:41,775
Well, I don't think she's
gonna stop ringing the bell
82
00:03:41,776 --> 00:03:43,314
until you talk to her.
83
00:03:47,348 --> 00:03:49,811
What do you know?
84
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:51,617
Aren't you Rosemary Pernworth,
85
00:03:51,618 --> 00:03:54,959
vice president of the Fleetridge
Homeowners' Association?
86
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,822
Hilarious.
87
00:03:56,823 --> 00:03:58,506
You know, Ed, let's just say
for the sake of argument
88
00:03:58,507 --> 00:04:00,728
that you did not receive any
of the six letters I sent you
89
00:04:00,729 --> 00:04:02,654
or the numerous phone
messages I left
90
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:03,870
or that you weren't
at home yesterday
91
00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:05,289
when I knocked on the
door and you mooned me
92
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,149
through the curtains.
93
00:04:08,149 --> 00:04:09,605
No, I'm here in
person to inform you
94
00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:12,257
that your corn has grown
well above my fence line
95
00:04:12,258 --> 00:04:14,549
in clear violation of the
Homeowner Association rules.
96
00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:16,028
Oh, well,
you know what they say.
97
00:04:16,029 --> 00:04:20,059
The bigger the stalk,
the sweeter the corn.
98
00:04:20,789 --> 00:04:22,292
I see what you're doing.
99
00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:24,597
You're using corn as a
double entendre for penis.
100
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:25,944
Do you think that offends me?
101
00:04:25,945 --> 00:04:27,804
See, I saw the original
production of hair,
102
00:04:27,805 --> 00:04:29,915
and I've read everything
that Erica Jong ever wrote.
103
00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:32,209
You cannot shock me.
Your corn is coming down.
104
00:04:33,519 --> 00:04:35,137
I'm going another way.
105
00:04:43,897 --> 00:04:47,079
So how did you know you
wanted to be a TV reporter?
106
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,280
From a very early age,
107
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:52,901
people told me I was
well-suited for the job.
108
00:04:54,626 --> 00:04:56,886
And it wasn't long
before this reporter
109
00:04:56,887 --> 00:04:59,063
came to the very same conclusion.
110
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:00,708
Back to you, Henry.
111
00:05:02,637 --> 00:05:04,512
You actually talk like...
112
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,986
Yeah, you do.
113
00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:09,906
Your name, Soledad Cho.
114
00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:11,564
I mean, you don't really
seem like a "Soledad"
115
00:05:11,565 --> 00:05:12,802
or a "Cho" for that matter.
116
00:05:12,803 --> 00:05:15,283
My real name is Janet Steele.
117
00:05:15,284 --> 00:05:18,379
But my agents and I felt I
needed something more ethnic,
118
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:21,626
and since "Geraldo Rivera"
was already taken,
119
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,286
I went with "Soledad Cho."
120
00:05:25,287 --> 00:05:26,494
That was a joke.
121
00:05:26,495 --> 00:05:28,175
- Henry.
- Yeah?
122
00:05:31,804 --> 00:05:33,734
And how's that
working out for you?
123
00:05:33,735 --> 00:05:35,582
We'll find out...
124
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,625
After this.
125
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,746
I'm gonna get a recorder.
126
00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:44,289
I'll be right back.
127
00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:51,713
Henry, have you seen my pile
of sophisticated newsmagazines
128
00:05:51,714 --> 00:05:53,946
that I read every day?
129
00:05:53,947 --> 00:05:55,578
Gonna read them at my
"mency's" meeting.
130
00:05:55,579 --> 00:05:57,670
Soledad Cho?
131
00:05:58,478 --> 00:06:00,217
What are you doing here?
132
00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:01,428
Do I know you?
133
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,643
No, no, but I know you.
134
00:06:03,644 --> 00:06:05,470
Actually, I'm a real big fan.
135
00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:06,739
I'm Vince, by the way.
136
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:07,706
Good evening.
137
00:06:07,707 --> 00:06:09,913
I'm Soledad Cho.
138
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:12,549
Oh, you know, it's actually
really funny you're here
139
00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:15,923
because...
You know what, never mind.
140
00:06:15,924 --> 00:06:19,158
Mmm, it sounds like
there's more to that story.
141
00:06:21,412 --> 00:06:24,540
Uh, well, it, um...
This is sort of embarrassing.
142
00:06:24,541 --> 00:06:26,440
Erh, I shouldn't say this.
143
00:06:26,441 --> 00:06:29,178
Okay, me and my wife Bonnie,
we have a list of celebrities
144
00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:32,026
that we'd be allowed to, you know.
145
00:06:32,027 --> 00:06:33,800
Yes?
146
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,848
Sleep with if we
ever had the chance.
147
00:06:37,849 --> 00:06:39,283
And?
148
00:06:39,284 --> 00:06:41,621
And, well, it's just that, um,
149
00:06:43,025 --> 00:06:44,969
you're... you're on my list.
150
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:49,343
I'm on a celebrity sex list?
151
00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:51,309
Yeah.
152
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,981
Let me get this straight.
153
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:58,388
You come in here, you just met me,
154
00:06:58,389 --> 00:06:59,452
and you tell me...
155
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,439
I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have said anything.
156
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,531
That you consider
me a celebrity?
157
00:07:05,155 --> 00:07:05,966
Well, yeah.
158
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,529
No one's ever called me
159
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:10,279
a celebrity.
160
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,877
I'm in.
161
00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,462
Oh, hi, Ed.
162
00:07:26,463 --> 00:07:29,094
I know this is private property,
but this is official business.
163
00:07:29,095 --> 00:07:30,017
I'm Rosemary Pernworth,
164
00:07:30,018 --> 00:07:32,656
vice president of the Fleetridge
Homeowners' Association.
165
00:07:32,657 --> 00:07:34,442
Rosemary Pernworth,
166
00:07:34,443 --> 00:07:36,198
meet Mr. Hose.
167
00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:38,906
You're threatening me
with your garden hose?
168
00:07:38,907 --> 00:07:42,150
Who said anything
about a garden hose?
169
00:07:42,151 --> 00:07:43,508
Hilarious.
170
00:07:43,509 --> 00:07:44,960
As I said before,
you can't shock me.
171
00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,801
I know vulgarity is your weapon.
172
00:07:46,802 --> 00:07:48,661
No, garden hose is my weapon.
173
00:07:48,662 --> 00:07:50,884
Vulgarity is my sidekick.
174
00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,706
Why are you walking funny?
175
00:07:56,630 --> 00:07:58,339
I have a Morton's neuroma.
176
00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:00,107
It's a swollen nerve in my foot.
177
00:08:00,108 --> 00:08:01,397
Makes me limp.
178
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,478
That makes two of us.
179
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,076
Bravo, you're an 11-year-old.
180
00:08:06,077 --> 00:08:07,982
I'm not here to trade
pee-pee jokes with you.
181
00:08:07,983 --> 00:08:09,348
I'm just here to measure your corn
182
00:08:09,349 --> 00:08:11,133
so I can file an official
complaint with the city
183
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,507
and have them come and
force you to cut it down.
184
00:08:13,508 --> 00:08:16,434
I got a better idea.
Why don't you get a life?
185
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:18,531
Why don't I get a life?
186
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,349
At least I do something
constructive with my time.
187
00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:22,038
I'm trying to improve
the neighborhood.
188
00:08:22,039 --> 00:08:24,049
All you do is go
around dumping garbage
189
00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:27,188
and growing your corn
like it's freakin' Kansas.
190
00:08:27,189 --> 00:08:28,548
And here's an idea.
191
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,393
The next time you
vacuum your living room
192
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:31,792
wearing nothing but
a fishing vest,
193
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:34,255
why don't you pull
down your blinds?
194
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,159
For your information,
I also wear socks,
195
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,589
but thank you for watching.
196
00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:41,287
You know, Rosemary,
when Joe was alive
197
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,442
you were merely annoying.
198
00:08:42,443 --> 00:08:45,303
Now you've become unbearable.
199
00:08:45,304 --> 00:08:47,708
You've always
been unbearable, Ed.
200
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,933
You may have been able to bully
three wives out of your life,
201
00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:51,318
but I'm not going anywhere.
202
00:08:51,319 --> 00:08:53,051
And next week when
I become president
203
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:54,509
of the Homeowners' Association,
204
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:57,861
I will grab your stalk and
rip it out with my own hands!
205
00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,488
You're not touching my corn.
206
00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:02,372
Who said anything
about your corn?
207
00:09:03,246 --> 00:09:05,251
Oh, hilarious.
208
00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:08,258
One problem, gotta get
to be president first.
209
00:09:08,259 --> 00:09:10,175
I'm running unopposed.
210
00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:11,437
Up until now.
211
00:09:12,522 --> 00:09:14,190
You wouldn't.
212
00:09:14,191 --> 00:09:16,756
Or wouldn't I?
213
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,816
Let me tell you
214
00:09:17,817 --> 00:09:20,388
what I told my
second cousin Sheila.
215
00:09:20,389 --> 00:09:24,625
One of us is going down,
and it ain't gonna be me.
216
00:09:34,805 --> 00:09:37,034
I can't believe you're going
through all this trouble
217
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,578
just to grow your corn.
218
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,868
It's more than the corn.
219
00:09:39,869 --> 00:09:42,659
It's about not letting
some tight-ass neighbor
220
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,336
tell me how to grow my crops.
221
00:09:44,337 --> 00:09:46,546
Besides, how dare
she call me a bully?
222
00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:48,377
Hi, do you have a minute
for the environment?
223
00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:51,364
No. You got ten seconds
to find your clipboard?
224
00:09:52,777 --> 00:09:54,719
Vote Ed Goodson.
225
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,450
Ed, what are you doing?
226
00:09:56,451 --> 00:09:58,457
Gathering the votes.
227
00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,145
You want to join team Goodson?
228
00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:02,199
Free corn muffin.
229
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,464
You're turning this into a farce.
230
00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:05,674
What are you even running on?
231
00:10:05,675 --> 00:10:07,695
I'm running on prune
Danish and a coffee,
232
00:10:07,696 --> 00:10:09,567
so keep your distance.
233
00:10:11,438 --> 00:10:13,114
That's hilarious.
It's hilarious.
234
00:10:13,115 --> 00:10:14,399
You know, Ed, if you
want to get into this,
235
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,478
I will expose you as the type
of person that you really are.
236
00:10:17,479 --> 00:10:19,611
I'm gonna challenge
you to a debate.
237
00:10:19,612 --> 00:10:20,886
What's the matter, Ed?
238
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:21,836
Do you not want to debate me
239
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:23,577
because you don't want to
be publicly humiliated?
240
00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:25,694
If I was afraid of being
publicly humiliated,
241
00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:28,414
would I have brought
my son with me?
242
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,269
I'll debate you anywhere,
anyplace.
243
00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:34,660
I'm gonna show the
entire neighborhood
244
00:10:34,661 --> 00:10:36,542
that you are nothing
but a big bully
245
00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,483
and I am a nice person.
246
00:10:38,484 --> 00:10:39,977
Do you have a minute
for the environment?
247
00:10:39,978 --> 00:10:42,244
Oh, get out of my face,
you hippy.
248
00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:48,234
- Hi.
- Hey, honey.
249
00:10:48,235 --> 00:10:50,028
How was your meeting with Soledad?
250
00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:51,789
Did you guys do it?
251
00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:56,267
Not yet.
252
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,004
Can you imagine if one of our
celebrities was willing to?
253
00:11:00,005 --> 00:11:01,410
I mean, what would you do?
254
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,390
I don't know.
255
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:08,325
Actually, you know what,
that's a really good question.
256
00:11:08,326 --> 00:11:10,114
What would you do?
257
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:12,170
What... what would I do?
258
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,239
I don't know, I've never
had the opportunity.
259
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,053
I don't know.
260
00:11:16,054 --> 00:11:17,471
Okay, well, try to imagine if,
261
00:11:17,472 --> 00:11:19,390
let's say James Franco, said
that he would sleep with you,
262
00:11:19,391 --> 00:11:21,770
knowing that the list allows
it even though we're married.
263
00:11:22,831 --> 00:11:26,100
All right,
I'll try to imagine it.
264
00:11:26,101 --> 00:11:28,254
Does he have a moustache or no?
265
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,847
You know, I gotta say I
think he's cuter without it,
266
00:11:30,848 --> 00:11:32,757
but it's up to you.
267
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:38,468
What are you doing?
268
00:11:38,469 --> 00:11:40,319
I'm imagining it.
269
00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:43,762
What's he...
270
00:11:43,763 --> 00:11:45,431
Shh!
271
00:11:47,995 --> 00:11:49,145
What's he doing?
272
00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:50,749
- Not now.
- Okay.
273
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,867
Bonnie, stop.
274
00:11:51,868 --> 00:11:52,958
Stop it.
275
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:53,958
Bonnie, stop...
276
00:11:53,959 --> 00:11:55,153
Get off of you!
277
00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:57,196
All right, all right.
278
00:11:57,197 --> 00:11:58,607
I was imagining it.
279
00:11:58,608 --> 00:12:00,491
Okay, well,
now I want you to stop.
280
00:12:00,492 --> 00:12:03,604
Fine, I will. Jeez Louise.
281
00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:05,620
It was all him anyway.
282
00:12:07,207 --> 00:12:08,693
Look, all I'm
saying is if you were
283
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,122
in a hypothetical situation
284
00:12:10,123 --> 00:12:12,328
wherein one of the
celebrities on your list
285
00:12:12,329 --> 00:12:13,722
said that it might be some...
286
00:12:13,723 --> 00:12:15,424
Bonnie! Bonnie!
287
00:12:16,606 --> 00:12:17,931
All right.
288
00:12:17,932 --> 00:12:19,689
All right, what would I...
I don't know.
289
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:23,280
I mean, I guess why
bother having a list
290
00:12:23,281 --> 00:12:25,397
if you're not gonna do it?
I don't know.
291
00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:27,602
Can you imagine it?
292
00:12:33,489 --> 00:12:35,956
Hi, hello.
293
00:12:35,957 --> 00:12:37,130
I'm Rosemary Pernworth,
294
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,156
vice president of the
Fleetridge Homeowner...
295
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:40,358
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
296
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,107
They know who you are.
297
00:12:42,108 --> 00:12:43,964
Come on, pull it together, Rosie.
298
00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:46,049
This is one of the most
important nights of your life.
299
00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:47,375
How long do you think
this is gonna take?
300
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:49,736
I got some ice cream in the car.
301
00:12:51,182 --> 00:12:53,046
Do you care about anything, Ed?
302
00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:56,232
Yes, I care about the ice
cream melting in my car.
303
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:57,729
It's Neapolitan.
304
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,752
You know they put the strawberry
in there just to get rid of it,
305
00:12:59,753 --> 00:13:00,890
'cause they know
you're gonna pay extra
306
00:13:00,891 --> 00:13:03,508
for the chocolate and
vanilla together?
307
00:13:04,404 --> 00:13:06,746
All right, five
minutes till the debate.
308
00:13:06,747 --> 00:13:09,868
- How's the crowd?
- Buzzing with excitement.
309
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,164
You know, if you back out now,
310
00:13:13,165 --> 00:13:15,464
there's some strawberry
ice cream in it for you.
311
00:13:15,465 --> 00:13:17,576
Will you just get away from me?
312
00:13:17,577 --> 00:13:18,806
I'm trying to prepare.
313
00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:20,273
I mean, some people
take this seriously.
314
00:13:20,274 --> 00:13:21,609
You're still limping.
315
00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:23,843
I told you, I have a neuroma.
316
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,126
Here, let me take
a look at that foot.
317
00:13:25,127 --> 00:13:26,737
I'm not gonna let
you look at my foot.
318
00:13:26,738 --> 00:13:28,843
Hey, I'm a doctor.
Let me take a look.
319
00:13:28,844 --> 00:13:30,704
You shouldn't be
hobbling like that.
320
00:13:30,705 --> 00:13:32,575
Why would you do that?
I thought you hated me.
321
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:35,793
I do, but I'm a doctor.
I hate everyone I treat.
322
00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:39,311
Let me see that foot.
323
00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:45,047
I, um, I wear two pairs of peds.
324
00:13:45,048 --> 00:13:45,930
It's perfectly normal.
325
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,111
I just don't like
my feet to sweat,
326
00:13:47,112 --> 00:13:48,955
and we live in a
temperate climate.
327
00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:52,023
Well, that's why I vacuum
without any pants on.
328
00:13:56,956 --> 00:13:58,491
What's the matter?
329
00:13:58,492 --> 00:14:00,281
Nothing.
330
00:14:00,282 --> 00:14:03,273
I'm just not used to having
331
00:14:03,274 --> 00:14:07,776
my feet touched a lot by men.
332
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:10,997
I'm not touching your feet
333
00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:13,385
like a man.
334
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,387
Right now I'm your doctor.
335
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,431
I mean, not that I
haven't had offers.
336
00:14:17,432 --> 00:14:18,620
I mean, not to touch my feet.
337
00:14:18,621 --> 00:14:20,491
But, you know, but my daughter's
always trying to set me up,
338
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:23,734
and I'm just far too busy
to be dating right now.
339
00:14:23,735 --> 00:14:25,036
Oh, what are you doing?
340
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,295
Who told you you have a neuroma?
341
00:14:28,296 --> 00:14:29,949
I looked it up on the Internet.
342
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:30,761
The Internet?
343
00:14:30,762 --> 00:14:33,705
You know, it makes you sound
smart even if you're an idiot.
344
00:14:34,953 --> 00:14:37,993
It's like having
an English accent.
345
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:42,095
You don't have a neuroma.
346
00:14:42,096 --> 00:14:43,826
- Yes, yes, I do, Ed.
- No, you don't.
347
00:14:43,827 --> 00:14:46,822
You're just so uptight
your feet are cramping up.
348
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,679
What you need is a good foot rub.
349
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,598
Well, I don't need
you to tell me what I...
350
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:53,044
Oh, good gracious.
351
00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:56,920
Oh, my goodness,
there is a huge knot
352
00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:58,945
in your third metatarsal.
353
00:14:58,946 --> 00:15:02,140
Okay, I need you
to stop that now.
354
00:15:02,141 --> 00:15:05,683
Don't stop. Don't stop.
355
00:15:05,684 --> 00:15:09,483
Don't stop, don't stop,
don't stop, don't stop.
356
00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:11,504
One more thing.
357
00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:14,598
Oh, sweet Christmas!
358
00:15:23,224 --> 00:15:26,052
Good evening, I'm Soledad Cho.
359
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:29,143
Panties have the night off.
360
00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:36,158
Wow, that's one
hell of a lead story.
361
00:15:36,159 --> 00:15:38,939
We take you now to a couch,
362
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:41,770
where a large man
is about to enter...
363
00:15:41,771 --> 00:15:43,689
Okay, Soledad, Soledad.
364
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,599
You're moving kinda fast.
365
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,542
Oh, I'm an action news reporter.
366
00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:49,796
If you wanted to take it slow,
367
00:15:49,797 --> 00:15:52,560
you should have put
Morley Safer on your list.
368
00:15:55,206 --> 00:15:57,019
The problem is I'm married.
369
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,983
And I'm starting to
have some second...
370
00:15:58,984 --> 00:16:02,240
Wow, and that's the way it is.
371
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,803
Look, Soledad, it's just that...
372
00:16:05,804 --> 00:16:08,423
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm gonna have to cut you off.
373
00:16:08,424 --> 00:16:10,191
Yeah, we're ready to go live
374
00:16:10,192 --> 00:16:12,713
to the scene of my boobs.
375
00:16:19,222 --> 00:16:20,657
I'd like to apologize
376
00:16:20,658 --> 00:16:22,524
for having to relocate the debate
377
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:25,594
to the children's reading room.
378
00:16:25,595 --> 00:16:28,000
Keep in mind, we lose
the room in half an hour
379
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,767
to a puppet show.
380
00:16:30,768 --> 00:16:34,711
Listen, Ed, I appreciate if
we could keep it to ourselves
381
00:16:34,712 --> 00:16:36,768
what just happened out there.
382
00:16:36,769 --> 00:16:39,384
I don't know what
you're talking about.
383
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,428
The thing with my fa...
384
00:16:42,429 --> 00:16:44,519
What's your fa-fa?
385
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,285
My foot.
386
00:16:46,286 --> 00:16:47,653
Oh, please, give me some credit.
387
00:16:47,654 --> 00:16:49,204
I'm a doctor.
388
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:52,064
I know a thing or two
about confidentiality.
389
00:16:52,962 --> 00:16:55,118
Okay, first question.
390
00:16:55,119 --> 00:16:57,129
What do you think about
the new mini-mall
391
00:16:57,130 --> 00:17:00,153
proposed at the intersection
of Rosecrans and Nimitz?
392
00:17:00,154 --> 00:17:04,190
I think it'll lead to an
increase in foot traffic.
393
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:12,191
Rosemary, what do you think
about the foot traffic?
394
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,403
I think that foot traffic
is a very personal issue
395
00:17:15,404 --> 00:17:17,620
and should remain as such.
396
00:17:20,091 --> 00:17:21,973
Okay, next question.
397
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,053
What do you think about
the new speed bumps
398
00:17:24,054 --> 00:17:25,692
on grand street?
399
00:17:25,693 --> 00:17:27,383
I'll take that.
400
00:17:28,077 --> 00:17:32,545
I think we should
massage the bump issue.
401
00:17:34,045 --> 00:17:35,091
Get our hands in there.
402
00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:38,519
Maybe get a toehold
on the subject.
403
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,062
- Ed...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
404
00:17:41,063 --> 00:17:42,841
Did I touch a nerve?
405
00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:44,896
Okay, okay.
406
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,681
I have served this
committee for 25 years.
407
00:17:47,682 --> 00:17:50,118
This man, on the other hand,
is best known
408
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,955
for leaving a dead raccoon
on his garbage cans
409
00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:55,750
as a warning to "the others."
410
00:17:56,647 --> 00:17:58,115
I'm sorry if we got
off on the wrong foot.
411
00:17:58,116 --> 00:17:59,796
I apologize...
412
00:17:59,797 --> 00:18:03,110
For rubbing you the wrong way.
413
00:18:03,781 --> 00:18:05,964
I thought I rubbed
you the right way.
414
00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:07,336
Okay, stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.
415
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,759
Okay, you're not answering
any of the questions.
416
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,762
You're not qualified.
He's not qualified!
417
00:18:10,763 --> 00:18:12,929
What do you say to that?
418
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:15,287
Foot rub, foot massage,
foot sex.
419
00:18:23,592 --> 00:18:25,229
Oh, my God.
420
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,114
I have something really
important to tell you.
421
00:18:27,115 --> 00:18:27,999
What, is something wrong?
422
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,289
No, I just wanted you to know
423
00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:33,058
your husband turned
down having sex
424
00:18:33,059 --> 00:18:34,965
with Soledad Cho.
425
00:18:34,966 --> 00:18:37,010
Oh, well, then you should know
426
00:18:37,011 --> 00:18:38,699
that I ran into Oprah
at the supermarket,
427
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,743
and she's taking me to Australia.
428
00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:44,310
Honey, I'm being serious.
429
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:45,444
Soledad Cho came back here,
430
00:18:45,445 --> 00:18:46,472
and she wanted to
have sex with me,
431
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:47,816
and I said no.
432
00:18:47,817 --> 00:18:49,002
And I'm being serious.
433
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,285
Gail's coming.
434
00:18:52,419 --> 00:18:53,775
She was here!
435
00:18:53,776 --> 00:18:56,107
And she was doing all this
weird sexy news jargon.
436
00:18:56,108 --> 00:18:59,064
She was sitting in for panties
and her boobs were on location.
437
00:18:59,065 --> 00:19:00,868
I'm telling the truth.
438
00:19:00,869 --> 00:19:02,492
Honey, is this because
I was fantasizing
439
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:03,801
about James Franco?
440
00:19:03,802 --> 00:19:06,160
No, it really happened.
441
00:19:06,161 --> 00:19:08,537
If you need me to believe
you on this, I will,
442
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,528
but I want you to know
you don't have to worry
443
00:19:10,529 --> 00:19:12,381
about James Franco.
444
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:13,144
I don't?
445
00:19:13,145 --> 00:19:14,189
No.
446
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:17,335
Because you now who's the
real number one on my list?
447
00:19:17,336 --> 00:19:20,010
Dog the bounty hunter.
448
00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:21,386
No.
449
00:19:21,387 --> 00:19:21,998
He's number four.
450
00:19:21,999 --> 00:19:24,298
It's you. You're my number one.
451
00:19:24,299 --> 00:19:25,679
Ooh, really?
452
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,571
- Yeah.
- You're my number one too.
453
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,530
Let's go upstairs
and fool around,
454
00:19:30,531 --> 00:19:35,379
'cause I can sense a
warm front moving in
455
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:36,682
to my pants.
456
00:19:36,683 --> 00:19:37,862
I can't really do the voice.
457
00:19:37,863 --> 00:19:38,873
What the heck was
that supposed to be?
458
00:19:38,874 --> 00:19:40,474
I was trying to do the
reporter, make it sexy.
459
00:19:40,475 --> 00:19:42,825
Oh, well, you can
try it again upstairs.
460
00:19:45,131 --> 00:19:47,224
So what are you gonna do
461
00:19:47,225 --> 00:19:50,970
now that you are the president
of the Homeowners' Association?
462
00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:54,817
Same as every other
president does.
463
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:56,920
Blame the last guy.
464
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:01,211
Good luck.
465
00:20:08,236 --> 00:20:10,361
Ooh, Rosemary Pernworth.
466
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:11,338
I'm Dr. Ed Goodson,
467
00:20:11,339 --> 00:20:15,850
president of the Fleetridge
Homeowners' Association.
468
00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:19,124
Look, I know that you think
469
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,318
it's gonna be nothing but
parades and dignitaries,
470
00:20:21,319 --> 00:20:23,412
but there's a lot
of really hard work
471
00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:24,504
that goes into that title.
472
00:20:24,505 --> 00:20:25,948
You have to organize
the neighborhood watch,
473
00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:27,760
and you have to put the
doggy bags in the park.
474
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:29,162
And as acting vice president,
475
00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:31,265
I am not gonna allow you to...
476
00:20:35,507 --> 00:20:36,836
I'm still gonna be
working under you.
477
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:38,777
I mean, not underneath you.
478
00:20:39,763 --> 00:20:40,707
And we still have to
talk about the corn,
479
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:42,081
because there's a lot of
issues that have come up,
480
00:20:42,082 --> 00:20:43,872
and I'm not gonna...
481
00:20:47,878 --> 00:20:50,531
It's good to be prez.
482
00:20:50,731 --> 00:21:00,931
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