Original subtitles

Looks to me, it's definitely... I mean, it's definitely stabbing.

I can still see his wallet.

I'm guessing this was not about theft.

But he's clearly showing signs of opium use.

That's not blood. That was just something else.

Stop tasting everything at these sites.

What are you doing?

I was reading.

Is this important for the case?

- Well, it could be. - Okay, is the book entitled

How to Solve the Stabbing Murder That I'm Sitting At?

Well, after the case, you might need an investment opportunity.

What are you...? What is this?

I am glad you asked about Eli's Rubber Band Emporium.

Or Rubber Bands International.

The hell's a rubber band?

Well, a rubber band is a band made of rubber. Pull on that.

- I know. - Look, it pulls back.

That's it? That's all it does?

Put it around your wrist and everyone knows that you stand for something.

- What? - Rubber bands.

You can make more money than you are...

You're never gonna sell one single rubber band.

- You don't know that. - I do know that.

- We could go into this together. - Rubber bands?

- Three for 20 dollars. - What?

- That's our cost. - That's before markup?

Are you out of your mind? I, as a sheriff,

Make 35 dollars a month, and I spend all of that on fornicating.

Trust me, stay in the public sector.

U.S. Marshal.

I'd be obliged if you stay right where you are, gentlemen.

Hi. Sheriff John Henry Hoyle. Great Bend.

Got a dead one.

Frank Givens is my name. And while we're making introductions,

This road apple is Judas Mathers.

Doesn't surprise me he'd end up this way. Stabbed to death.

Opium dealer out of Dodge City. My city.

I was tracking him, looking for his boss,

But looks like that lead is dead.

Well, I'm sorry about your dead lead,

But on the bright side here, you're gonna get some help from us

Now that he was murdered in my jurisdiction, so...

You two are as cute as a speckled pup,

I'll tell you, but you can be on your way now

Because I'm a U.S. Marshal and Kansas is my territory

And I've been following this guy for six months

So I'd like you to go away.

That hurts my feelings, but... And that's okay,

Because we're professionals here, we don't necessarily have to like each other.

However, I hope over time when you get to know me...

All right, okay, sheriff, you're starting to sour my milk a little bit now.

And I'd appreciate it if you moved along.

Because I'm about ten seconds from cleaning your plow.

Well, my plow, I assure you, is very clean.

You're talking about my penis, right?

I don't think you'll ever find me talking about your penis, sir.

Well, a plow, I can't think of what else...

You got a foul mouth. I don't care for it. Running all the time. Blah, blah, blah.

Meanwhile, I got a killer to catch.

So if you would kindly be on your way, I would surely appreciate it.

I have helpful information that only a Harvard-trained mind could give you.

If you could just give me a second,

I'm sure that I could show you these... Not...

Okay, you're right in... That now is soil.

Twenty-five seconds. Okay, look over here.

Do you see the blood splatter? Do you see these little dots?

See, when blood splatters, it's in a sphere, and it leaves a little...

One piece of evidence you may have missed, sheriff.

That man. Running away from a dead body, that's our killer.

No, he would be on horseback... Guard the body, I'm gonna go catch him.

Get on your horse, let's go.

Rubber bands, wouldn't have to do this. Stop with the rubber bands.

Just saying.

- Get up, boy. Oh, will I shoot you. - Okay, I'll go quietly.

Okay. You gotta shoot me, sir, I understand.

- I guess my luck is up. - Hold up, everybody.

- This is not the man you're looking for. - I ain't the man.

I've been trying to tell you that. He has to be on horseback.

The blood splatter clearly showed that.

Let me tell you something they didn't teach you at Harvard.

An innocent man doesn't run away from a crime scene.

I didn't run away from nothing. I ran away a long, long time ago

But I ain't done nothing wrong.

What do you mean you ran away a long time ago?

I'm an escaped slave. I don't wanna go back.

What?

- I'm a slave. - Ha, ha, ha.

You're a slave. Boy, that is the worst alibi I ever heard.

Um... I hate to be the one to tell you this...

No.

Slavery was abolished ten years ago.

What?

- Yeah. - There ain't no more slaves?

Slavery's abolished, I've been out here ten years.

Ten years! I been out here in the woods eating worms

And pollywogs and I ain't been with a woman in ten years.

- None of us are seeing any women. - It's really disappointing.

Makes you do, you know, things you ain't proud of.

No, that's... Masturbation is totally natural.

I'm done with this. Wait till you see what they do in jail for sex.

I can't go to jail. I ain't done nothing wrong.

What about that man back there you ran from?

I was running because I saw a man.

He pounced on another man like a wildcat pounced on a rabbit.

- It was a white man. - Oh. Okay.

So first, he's a slave who didn't know that slavery was outlawed for ten years,

But now he's seen a white man kill the white man.

He would never do something like that because he's innocent.

But it follows the evidence.

I went to Harvard and studied criminology and forensic science

And the trail clearly leads just that way.

That's where I seen him go, he jumped on a horse

- headed that way. - That's Nicodemus.

- Oh, Nicodemus. - Yeah, it's a town of freed slaves.

Got together, made a town.

What?

There's a whole town of freed slaves?

That's what that town is?

I've been sneaking in there at night, stealing things.

Only it'd been daytime you would've seen that they were all black.

I would have stayed around, had a hot meal or something.

Look, marshal, let's go into Nicodemus,

Follow this trail and if we don't find anything,

I'll give you my gun.

Okay? It's a Peacemaker, it's in perfect working condition.

This could be yours, we just go into Nicodemus.

That is a good-looking shooting iron.

Let's go.

Sitting around. It's the goddamnest thing I've ever seen.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

When y'all free, we're five minutes away.

Sir. You all been good this time?

- What are they doing? - I don't know.

- But I like what they brought with them. - Oh, hey, hello.

What's up, delivery?

How you doing?

White men ain't nothing but trouble.

I don't know why white people are in town. -Uh-uh.

They got him in chains. It don't feel right, Margaret, it don't feel right.

Yeah, but I like that tall drink of water.

- One who's got the cuffs on? - Yeah, girl.

I won't even let him loose. I'll keep him in those chains.

Look at you, you are so wicked.

That's right, just keep him just at the edge of everything.

Good day, boy.

Gentlemen.

Welcome to Nicodemus. I'm Sheriff Nat Love.

I'll be goddamned.

A negro sheriff. Ha, ha, ha.

That's about the size of it.

Gentlemen, I'm gonna have to ask you to relinquish those firearms. City ordinance.

You're kidding, right?

No, we don't joke about things like that in Nicodemus.

Well, a lawman without his cannon is about as useful as tits on a bull.

Well, tits on a bull would be on a cow

And then they'd be teats, and you could milk them.

So that is actually useful.

But if it was a bull, the tits wouldn't work, that's what I'm saying.

Well, it's possible the cow would have... A hermaphrodite...

Whatever. You're not getting my gun.

Then you're not coming into Nicodemus.

I appreciate that you identify me as marshal, sheriff,

And while I do appreciate the authority of all the sheriffs here,

I am a U.S. Marshal, which means I have jurisdiction,

Which means you are not getting my weapon.

I have jurisdiction in this town, sir.

Well, that seems reasonable. Here. Yeah.

What the hell are you doing? I'm glad to have it off me.

I put my wallet on the same side,

- so when I'm sitting... - Stop it.

Seems like you're outvoted here, marshal, 2-to-1.

There were two sheriffs and a marshal who walked into a bar, you guys hear this one?

Yeah.

If this will end this goddamn conversation, here, take my gun.

- Obliged, marshal. - Hoo!

You can collect them from the gun bucket.

Meanwhile, there may be a murderer living in this city. Let's all relax

And give up our guns and sit down and have some tea.

What you looking for, gentlemen? I can maybe be of assistance to you.

We're looking for a white man

Yes, sir.

I see.

Ain't but one white man here, the blacksmith.

The blacksmith.

Maybe we should call him the whitesmith.

- Ha, ha. Because he's... - That's not as funny.

- No. - Man by the name of Ned Beatty.

We'd like to talk to this blacksmith.

Happy to show him to you. Follow me, gentlemen.

It's a beautiful town.

Yeah. Yeah, we like it.

It sure is.

Oh. That lady just handed her baby off.

Yeah, that's a little thing we call flex time.

That way she can go on to work while her husband takes care of the baby.

What? That is a fantastic...

I love Nicodemus.

Oh.

Yeah, at the end of your life, you wanna put your estate together

For all the wealth that you've created, they'll help you figure that out.

Fantastic. I keep my money in a can under my mattress.

These are married folk.

Sometime they get together during the week and talk through problems

That may come up with marriage.

I would love to have a support group like that when I was married.

It was horrible. It was horrible.

Maybe you should step on down there.

Well, she's gone now, so it's too late.

She's lucky.

Ms. Beatrice and Ms. Margaret.

Ladies.

From our church auxiliary board. Oh.

Pleasure.

I'd like to diaper that booty. You know what I'm saying?

- I'd like to deputize it. - I like his presentation.

- I think he got some black up in him. - I think so too.

Runaway slave. - You cannot hide that. The buttocks will tell

- what is in you. - They tell the tale.

- Tell the story. - They will tell the story.

Ned Beatty.

Afternoon.

We got a couple lawmen got some questions for you.

Look, I don't know nothing about nothing.

Every time something goes wrong, it's the white man.

- Really? - Sometimes it's you, ain't it, Ned?

- This here ain't the man that done it. - All right, that settles that.

Let's take Hubbard and get the hell out of here.

Now, now, hold on just a minute, everybody. I learned,

As a Harvard graduate, that through careful observation

You can tell if someone's lying.

And you, sir, I believe, are lying.

You feel that twitch? Right under your eye.

If I may, sheriff, I would like to perform a series of tests on this subject.

Go right ahead.

Okay, great, if I can have your hand.

All right, now just look right at me

And state your name.

Ned Beatty?

Okay, if I could just feel you. Okay.

What do you do for a living?

- I am a blacksmith. - Okay, that's true.

Well, hell, we know he's a blacksmith, the sign's on the wall.

I have to establish some things.

Keep your glove off, we're gonna continue right on.

Have you ever made love to a man?

- Dear God. - I'm just asking him.

It's obvious that he has, whether he admits it or not.

And a cousin, I bet.

Was it a cousin? It's always a cousin.

Okay, his lip was quivering on that one.

What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Thank you. I know nothing about no murder,

- I know nothing about nothing. - Aha!

Murder? Who said anything about a murder?

You did it.

I wish we had a little machine that you could hold in your hand

And push a button, and we'd go back in time a few seconds

No.

You said "murder."

- You, sir. - I take your point,

I bend it back around right at you.

- Right back at you, then too. - And that one goes around the world

- and points at you. - Hoyle.

What possible difference could it make?

He said he wasn't the man who done it.

Because he's lying, I know he is.

- No. No. - You know where the murderer is.

Where is he?

He just looked. He did a furtive look over here.

It's right here, he's on the marshal.

Warren.

Get over here. Hold on, I know this man.

This is no killer, he comes from a good family.

His father's the mayor of Dodge City.

Mr. Bailey, was this the man you saw committing the murder?

Go on, answer the question, he can't hurt you.

- That's the man what done it. - I knew it.

Honestly, are you gonna believe me or this fella?

Well, there's other evidence, marshal.

He's got blood around his cuffs and on his chest. He's also...

Look at the circles under his eyes.

He's obviously under the influence of opium,

Believe me, I know, I enjoyed that nectar for many a moon.

- I think we've got our man. - Warren Beatty?

Run. Run, run, run!

Hold on a second.

I told her, "I am not cleaning that saloon after you've made this kind of mess."

You have the right to say that to her.

Stop, or I'll shoot!

We don't have our guns. Oh, yeah. Gosh, darn it.

Ladies. Ladies.

- Why the white people running? - I don't know. Never good.

That's never a good sign when white people running, looking for guns.

Oh, there he goes again.

- Running, running, running. - It's so disruptive.

It simply is. - For a drug addict, that guy can run, huh?

Hoo.

- These biscuits are delicious. - They are.

Hm?

Oh.

Might I interest you in rubber bands?

- Rubber bands? - We never heard of such a thing.

Well, a rubber band is a stretchable...

Tight and young and vigorous.

Well, uh... Unh!

I'll leave a catalog if you're interested. - We're always here.

I'll be back in a bit.

"Rubber band."

Truthfully, he couldn't be worse selling this than what they do now.

- No. No. - See, I think that...

- Oh, here he comes. - Hold up, hold up, I got an idea.

- Okay. - All right, you go back that way,

I go this way and we catch him right between us.

We pound them. We pound them. Let's do it.

Sandwich.

I told you he had them good firm thighs. You can ride him like a wild pony.

- Like a bronco. Hey! - Like a rodeo.

I'm gonna get you, Warren!

- They got him. - They did. Finally.

- Took all afternoon. - Whoo.

- Hoyle! - Hold on, men.

Hold on, men, let them fight this out.

Fair enough.

Sheriff Love, I got two bits on Warren, what do you say?

You got a bet, marshal.

He's not much with the fists, but he can shoot.

Yeah, well, they don't let any guns in this town.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh!

Come on, Hoyle.

Oh, he's cleaning his clock.

Ah! Unh!

Warren, Warren, Warren, yeah!

All right. All right.

You're dealing with an orange belt.

- That ain't right. - You see that?

All right. Ah! Ah!

Yeah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Yeah! He's tromping your britches.

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, this is over.

Try not to get punched.

Finish it.

Yeah. Finish it.

Don't finish it. Just dodge him, Hoyle.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Ah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Ha, ha, ha. Whoo!

Boy, you are dumber than you look.

You think I'd really let you shuck me of every one of my weapons?

No, sir. I got a gun, all you got is a bunch of good intentions.

All right.

This thing is plum played out.

I said I'd follow the trail here and I did.

There's no way I'm gonna let the mayor's son rot away in some Negro jail.

Now, Warren, me and Mary Ellen here are leaving this town.

Y'all just make a path.

Well, you're gonna have a hard time getting out of town, marshal.

- Get out of the way, boy. - Honcho! Luke!

Oh, come on. This is a town with no guns!

That's your big thing. Now some people have guns, some people don't have guns?

- Come on. - Damn it!

Go! This is...

- This is your fault, Hoyle, I blame you. - I'll take that gun.

You people with your, "Oh, let's talk out our problems

And let men raise babies,

And, oh, we'll take care of each other." That's what happens

When you let Negroes run things!

Uh-oh.

Damn. - Marshal, marshal, you're grabbing your...

Oh, God, get off of me!

I took a first aid class at Harvard.

When you grab your... Do you smell burnt toast?

Little bit. I think you're having a conniption fit.

Get your face out of my face.

Do we have a doctor?

- No, we have a homeopath. - Good, they'll rub some herbs on you.

- A homo what? - A homeopath.

We need to get his pants off, everybody.

You leave my pants where they are! I knew that about you, Hoyle.

- I could sense it. - They'll put herbs up your rectum.

- It's gonna help you. - What?

Yes.

It gets into the bloodstream quicker.

- No. No, just let me die. - No.

- Can't let that happen... - Don't you touch me!

I'll see you in hell, Hoyle. I'll see you in hell.

I don't know if you've studied the Jewish religion,

But they don't believe there's a hell.

He's all white. He was white before he got sick.

Ha, ha, ha. He was white.

That's good, because this is the all-black town.

He looks dead, though, now. We should get some herbs up his rectum

As soon as possible.

Cheers, to justice.

- To law enforcement. - Yes. Yes.

I have never seen a man get whupped that way and come round to win the fight.

Well, thank you, sheriff. Fortunately, my right testicle dropped in the night

so it's back down. I'm happy about that. Oh, that's good.

I'm actually surprised Givens is still alive.

Yes, yes, thank goodness he's okay.

That conniption fit was a minor conniption they think,

Not a major conniption. Major conniption fit, your eyes just come out

And blood just spurts out like that. It's awful.

It's how my father died.

Well, at least justice will be done.

I'm so glad to see Marshal Givens getting his due,

And Mr. Beatty, no doubt will be swinging from a tree.

Yes.

I hope you enjoyed it. This is delicious.

We don't put any sugar in our products here.

No lard, no fat.

What you don't wanna do is gum up the insides of yourself.

Thank you for the biscuits.

They good, ain't they? Mm-hm.

Lot better than eating worms.

Gentlemen, you can be in on the ground floor

Of Eli Brocias' Rubber Band Emporium.

Fifty dollars a rubber band.

Now, that's discounted to start.

But once you get one, I think you'll get hooked.

So, you know, I got myself a little piece of that deputy last night.

- Oh, you so wrong. You so wrong. - Ha, ha, ha. But it was so right.

- Was it? - It was.

He looked like he would be a challenge.

- Oh. - You know, all that youthful energy.

It was delicious, girl, you know I like a little cream in my coffee.

You do, you're experimental like that.

I remember when they had those Orientals working on the railroad that time

And you came through and... Oh.

Ladies.

Hello, ladies. You enjoying your freedom?

I love my freedom, it's like a summer day.

Isn't it? You just feel like you just wanna bust out

And explore new dark, secret passageways full of romance and adventure.

Yeah.

Maybe this night, you'll really learn what freedom is.

I'd like to explore some of that.

- That's what I'm saying. - I gotta go back

- And find Sheriff Love. - Find your homeland.

- Oh, my palpitations. My palpitations. - Oh, my goodness.

I thought you were gonna have it here on the bench.

I don't know what happened. I went to a place.

- Yes, you did, I saw you go. - I went to a place.

I found my spot, though. I found my spot. I found it.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0