Original subtitles

We're gonna have orchids in all the pews, right?

Because orchids are Donna's favorite flowers,

and she's my favorite flower.

Ha ha! We real cute.

Of course there are gonna be orchids.

Do you think this is my first time working a side job

as a wedding planner for a former co-worker?

- No? - I'm so sorry.

I mostly have my rage problem under control,

but planning is very stressful.

Please avoid my trigger words,

"flowers," "schedule," "vows,"

"bride," "groom," "food,"

"love," "happy," "church,"

"event," "wedding," and "Craig."

I am so sorry, Craig.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

April, walk with me.

So I chose you as my Maid of Honor because

you've become one of my best friends,

- And I love you like a sister. - Ew.

But also because you're tough.

My family arrives tonight.

I know. And they're all set

with their welcome bags, and I told your brother LeVondrious

that he is not welcome.

Good, but still, there's gonna be 28 Meagles in one room,

which means there's gonna be drama.

I will handle everything.

I actually care whether you're having a good time

and are happy.

It's weird.

The Meagles are a cold-blooded crew

of judgmental grudge-holders.

My cousin Winnie once forgot to use a coaster

at my grandpa's house, and he wrote her out of his will.

The last four Meagle family Pictionary tournaments

ended at the hospital.

Legally, no more than three Meagles are allowed

on an international flight together.

But they give great gifts.

Gotta get that flatware.

[triumphant music]

Tommy, I was at the nail salon and I picked up

some geranium hand cream.

Do you wanna try it?

Uh, yes. Warm it up, please.

Oh, that smells nice.

I'm just gonna go and make sure everything

is set for tonight, okay?

- All right, see you later. - See you, Ron.

I've always liked that Lucy. Glad things are going well.

Better than well.

And guess what I have planned for tonight?

- No. - As Donna's Butler of Honor,

I'm going all out.

Baby blue brocade.

As a surprise, I got a matching dress for Lucy.

And do you believe Lucy will be happy with this gift?

100%! We're so in sync.

I finally feel like I'm with the person

I'm gonna be with forever. I'd marry her tomorrow.

Bully for you, son. More importantly,

do you have tri-tip for tonight?

Because if not I brought my own.

I love weddings.

Good food, the celebration of romantic love,

and most of all, churches.

Say what you will about organized religion,

those bastards knew how to construct an edifice.

[kids screaming]

Okay, monsters. [claps]

Mommy and Daddy have to pack

because we are going to a hotel.

But Roz is gonna stay here with you.

Yeah, and we are going to have so much fun.

We're gonna play games, we're gonna color,

maybe we're gonna even sit quietly for 30 seconds.

Do you think I could have 30 seconds?

- That's all. - She's fading.

Roz, Roz, hey, hey,

you are a wonderful nanny.

- Oh. - You're tough, and strong,

and you're an excellent caretaker for our children.

Yeah, every time you come to our house

we are so happy to see you.

I love you more than Ben.

I do.

If Ben left me, I would be sad, but I would get through it.

But if you left me, I would never recover.

Thanks. That helps.

I'm so used to packing for them

I almost put in diapers for myself.

[on television] Incoming call.

Jen Barkley.

Jen Barkley is calling again. She is relentless.

Jen is a powerful political operative.

Don't you even want to know what she has to say?

She'll just say what she always says, which is,

"Leslie, would you consider running for state senate

or Congress?" And I'll say,

"Jen, thank you very much, that's very flattering,

but I love my job, and I get to do it for the entire country."

The whole world is my park.

Besides, our lives are so chaotic we can't run a campaign.

Well, if you really wanted to do it, we'd find a way.

I mean, things aren't that chaotic.

All three of them just bumped into each other

and broke everything you own.

[shattering]

I--I don't know what that was.

Oh, would you look at that?

Sweetie, I think your best friend Tom's

giving his ladyfriend a gift.

You know Gayle gives me a gift each and every day.

Oh, I got the greatest gift of all.

Being married to you.

Oh, sweetie.

Control yourselves, Gergiches!

Damn, Tommy, well done!

I knew you'd like it.

Get changed, baby, we gotta dominate this party.

What do you think, Ron? Tommy's the man.

I normally don't get involved in people's personal affairs,

but something about a wedding... I'll just say it.

Tom is quite taken with you.

[laughs] He's taken with me, huh?

Yes.

He said he'd marry you tomorrow.

Seems silly to stay at a hotel

that's ten minutes from our house.

Well, it's been three years.

We deserve one night away together.

A little downtime, little privacy,

maybe we make some more kids.

Don't even joke about that.

Let's just make, like, three more,

so that each one of them can have a friend.

Ugh.

Jen? What are you doing here?

You idiots won't answer my calls,

and what I have to tell you cannot wait.

But-- [kids screaming]

What's that horrible sound?

Children.

Ugh, your life is gross.

My life is amazing.

Jen, thank you so much for coming,

but we have to go.

I have never been late for an event that requires an RSVP.

You guys live in Pawnee, Indiana.

Where do you have to go?

Putting up a new scarecrow? [laughs]

Could you please just get to the point?

Sure... Paul Hartwell,

who's your congressional incumbent from this district,

is a moron, even by Washington standards.

But he wins every year, because he's a horrible bully

and nobody opposes him. Till now.

Indiana's 10th district needs a new leader.

Someone who's made it a home, who cares about our citizens,

and who understands the local economy.

Jen, I told you, I have a dream job, I don't want to--

A candidate named Ben Wyatt.

Sorry?

I'm dead serious, Ben.

I think you should run for the House of Representatives.

Whoa! What was that?

That was huge!

Hang on, this is Congress you're talking about,

like, where bills become laws.

I am not qualified for that.

We're talking about the House of Representatives, Ben.

You might be overqualified.

Hartwell's biggest weakness is the economy,

which is your exact strength.

You're young, you're smart,

you're running the biggest city in the district.

I saw you handle that WiFi thing on TV.

My firm is ready to go as soon as you say the word.

You in or you out?

Uh, Two of the three kids are showering in their pajamas,

and most of Ben's ties are in the toilet.

Just like, as an update of where things are at.

I mean, this is chaos.

Guys, it happened a really long time ago, right?

And it was probably an accident.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure the Dig Dug machine just unplugged itself

right before I was about to beat his high score.

Yeah, I'm sure it was an accident.

Hey, status report?

The Meagles are weird. The words that they say

sound passive, but seem aggressive.

I feel like there should be a term for that.

Like, "nicey-meanie."

Yeah, I just had to physically separate two 80-year-old men

who were arguing about whether it was really Lena Horne

in that grocery store in 1970.

Okay, you stay on the Key Largo and Denver Meagles,

and I will handle the Berlin Meagles.

Done!

So you thinking about Jen's offer?

Yes. I mean, how would this even work?

Our lives are so busy, and if I won, I would be a congressman.

Or woman. I mean, equal rights.

No, that doesn't apply.

Okay. Try this.

Tonight, just act like you've decided to run.

And then tomorrow at the wedding,

act like you've decided not to run.

See which one feels better.

Okay. What do you think I should do?

Ben has to run.

I don't want to push it, because it might backfire,

but he has to run.

He would be good for America, good for the world.

Ben should be the Royal Archduke Sultan Emperor

of All Inhabitable Lands on Earth!

I'm completely neutral.

I will support you no matter what you do.

You told Lucy I want to marry her?

Damn it, son, the small hamburgers.

Ron! You have to walk back what you said.

Walk back sounds like lying.

Can you drop your strict life codes for a second

and help me out?

Even though I've known Lucy for years,

and can see myself spending a life together with her,

having children, walking the grounds of Tommy's Bahama--

a private island I'll eventually buy--

that's way in the future, man.

Don't call me "man."

That's what you took away from this?

[grunts]

Don't serve this man.

No more food until he fixes his giant disaster he's created.

[groans]

Okay, starting now, you're in campaign mode.

So first up, meet and greet.

You remember how this goes, right?

Your goal is to act like everyone is interesting

- and important. - Hey, guys.

Nope, too hard.

- Let's try someone else. - Okay.

Oh, there's Donna's parents.

- Okay? - Okay.

- Work your magic. - You got it.

Uh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Meagle, I presume?

I am Mr. Meagle, but we're divorced.

I'm Grace Callahan.

Well, I'm sorry, Ms. Callahan.

It's Doctor Callahan.

Well, I hope that you are a podiatrist or a dentist,

because I seem to have a case of foot-in-mouth disorder.

[laughter]

Hey, guys. How's everything going?

April, we couldn't be happier, and you are an angel for asking.

Yeah, it's surprisingly painless.

No swiping, no passive-aggressive comments.

No drama at all.

Here are all the troublemakers, boss.

Thank you. Meagles! I am not screwing around.

Okay?

Lauren, no more discussion of Majorca.

Majorca is off limits.

Brian and Gloria, stop making Horatio feel bad

that your daughter went to Yale. No one gives a [bleep].

- And, Ginuwine? - Yes?

- Get it together. - I'm sorry, April.

Kathy started this.

[mocking] Kathy started--

I don't care!

She doesn't mean it.

Don't cry, Ginuwine.

It's okay.

Thanks, Andy.

Easy peasy.

Lemon sneezy.

Lucy, I have something to tell you.

I am a liar.

What?

Well, no, I am not a liar.

I have never lied about anything in my life.

Though I suppose you could construe camouflage as a lie.

What is happening right now?

Tom wanted to convey that he likes you a great deal.

So he said that he could imagine marrying you.

And living on an island with your kids.

Wait, now we're on an island? With kids?

- Plural? - Yes.

Now, do you know where I can find those little ham balls?

Watch out for those riding lawnmowers, man.

[laughter]

Babe, you are killing it!

I am, right?

- Yes! - See, just thinking

I'm a congressman makes me feel like one.

Yeah.

Oh, also, I have a little secret.

I'm drunk.

I am too.

Ever since we had our kids, it only takes,

like, one sip of wine.

I feel so good and "condifent."

- Mm-hmm. - Con...

I feel "condifent."

You know what you should do?

You should give a toast.

Because if you were running for Congress,

you have to give speeches, right?

You want me to make a toast? I'll toast it up.

Toast it, baby. Roast it and toast it

till it's brown on both sides.

Hey, everybody. I'm Ben Wyatt.

Listen, we, of course, are here to celebrate Donna and Joe,

and I have to say, you know, getting married is

the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do.

Because every day you come home and you're just, like,

"What?

"It's you! I love you!

You're my sexy roommate. We love each other."

Whoo! He's talking about me.

Yes, I am, babydoll!

Look, Donna and Joe are great.

You all are great.

And this wedding is gonna be amazing.

Let's get some music and dancing going.

And I am Ben Wyatt, and I very much approve this message!

[cheering]

[Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock's It Takes Two]

You want me to shut that down?

No, I like it.

Let the little man dance.

Hey!

It takes two to make a thing go right Ah, my head.

Last night was so fun.

- But my head died. - Yeah.

Yeah, mine's filled with concrete.

Okay so-- [tablet beeps]

Yesterday, you pretended you were gonna run.

Today, you're gonna pretend like you're not gonna run.

Oh, no.

Jen posted the campaign ad.

It's everywhere.

I'm running.

How could she do this to--

Oh, God, I'm remembering things.

[sighs]

We called Jen last night, didn't we?

[phone beeps]

- Yeah, we did. - Ugh.

I also called 867-5309 100 times.

Oh, God.

Bad. What do we do?

There you are. Surprise, surprise.

Whoa!

Oh, you guys should've corner-boothed it.

- 'Cause you look awful. - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

You're gonna scare off the other customers.

- Shh. - Hey, Jen.

All those kids keep you up all night?

I'm so happy with my choices.

- Okay, Jen? - Yeah?

Um, I know I left you a message last night,

but I really do think you should have checked with me

before throwing me into this.

No, Ben, I'm sorry, you left me four messages

- last night. - What?

And they contained very specific

policy positions.

I want to come out strong on education.

Then I'll tack hard into fiscal responsibility.

- Oh, my God. - 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 I love that song.

Jenny, I've got your number Hey, babe, it's ringing!

Wow, honey, you were a lot more lucid than I was.

Wait, were you guys drunk?

That is hilarious.

- No, we weren't-- - Oh, you guys are gonna fit in

so great in Washington.

Most of Congress is drunk, all of the time.

Okay, official presser is tomorrow at 9:00.

You could bail if you want.

But it would be embarrassing.

It might derail your career.

Might not. Probably will.

But you never do know though, right?

So just let me know what you want to do, okay?

- Will. - I'm just gonna go

spend my time doing exactly what I want to do,

because I don't have children.

Bye, guys.

[church organ playing] Ron?

I'm Walden, with the Church's historical archives.

You called about wanting information on the building?

I did, indeed.

- Let's start with the facade. - Mm.

Was the limestone locally hand-hewn?

No. In the late 1870s,

it was actually cheaper to import limestone from Michigan.

- Fascinating. - Do you want to sit here?

- Or should I...? - But tell me--

I'll do whatever you want.

I'm fine with whatever.

No. Whatever you want.

No pressure.

Excuse me.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Oh, look at how beautiful you look.

Leslie, I'm not even in my dress yet.

But you're gonna be very soon.

All right, I want to say something to my girls.

Knope, you're a softie, but on the inside,

you're a straight-up boss.

April, you're the exact opposite.

Y'all inspire me and I love you.

And you, too, Michelle.

Michelle...

You were my best friend from childhood.

Until we lost touch 'cause you thought your college boyfriend

was into me.

He was.

I never gave him the time of day.

But now, we're rebuilding our friendship.

Is this wedding going to be a test for you?

Yes.

But the doctors once told you

you were never going to walk again.

So this should be easy, right?

Wow, what a complicated tapestry that is.

Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in.

Moment over.

Leslie, April, help Donna with her dress.

Hi, I'm Typhoon.

Typhoon, I am interested, but now is not the time.

Michelle, get the bouquet.

You're skating on very thin ice.

I couldn't help but notice, from afar,

that you are both acting like weirdoes.

I further suspect you have not yet talked about what happened.

What? I don't even know what you're talking about

us having not talked about.

I only meant to say that there's no shame

in declaring how you feel to a person you cherish.

I am sorry if I caused a problem.

Because the two of you make a good team.

If you'll excuse me, I missed out on the food,

and was denied a fascinating conversation

about Michigan limestone.

But I'll be damned if I don't properly honor the expression

of romantic love.

Ron does this weird thing

where he says exactly what he means.

You just have to ignore him.

So you didn't mean what you said?

Look, I'm all in. That's all I meant.

I didn't want you to think I was crazy

or jumping the gun.

And I know you just got out of a relationship

so I don't expect you to feel the same way.

But that's how I feel.

Well, I'm only dating you for the free dresses, so...

I'm fine with that.

[choir singing]

Donna, even though I've known you for years,

I feel like I learn something new about you every day.

Just yesterday, I learned that the Pearl Jam album,

Vitalogy was written about you.

You are an amazing, confident woman.

And I love you.

I know that I can be a lot.

And a while back, I was thinking I'd never find someone

who loved me for me.

But you're patient, and kind,

and together,

we can do anything.

You may now kiss the bride.

[cheers and applause]

Hey, Roz.

Oh, okay. We have the zebras.

Tell the kids not to worry, they're coming back home.

Also, we want to give you a raise,

and anything you want to take from our house.

Okay, bye.

How in the world am I supposed to run for office?

Our lives are like one big unexpected

stuffed zebra emergency.

I don't know. What do you think I should do?

I told you. I'm neutral.

Honey, you have never been neutral on anything

in your life.

You have an opinion on pockets.

Yes, I think they should all be bigger.

Okay. Fine.

I think you should run.

Yes, our lives are bonkers.

But if something is worth it-- and I think this is--

then you just make it work.

Besides, I just read an article on two-minute micro-naps,

and the science on them is very promising.

Oh, hey!

Ben Wyatt. Any comment on the report

that you're running for Congress?

I'm sorry, I can't talk about this right now.

Your only experience in politics

was as a failed mayor at age 18--

Okay, please, everyone, we're at a wedding.

And I'm holding zebras.

I mean, what qualifies you to take over Hartwell's seat?

Guys, listen to me, please.

I'm dealing with an actual problem right now.

Okay?

Which, by the way, is what I do for a living.

I solve problems as a budget specialist,

and for five years as a City Manager,

and I'm pretty good at it.

I have worked hard to transform this area

into a fiscally sound destination

for people who want good jobs, and a good public education,

and I think the results speak for themselves.

[cameras clicking]

My name is Ben Wyatt, and I'm running for Congress.

[cameras clicking]

Oh, my God, babe, that was so hot.

- Donna. - Hey.

How did I do?

Everything was perfect. You are a miracle worker.

But I gotta say I kind of miss the Meagle drama.

I thought for sure somebody was gonna do something crazy.

But everybody's just nice and chill.

Anyway, I love you, and to thank you,

- I'm gonna try not to hug you. - Thank you.

- I'm going to-- - No!

Okay, okay.

Wyatt, why didn't you tell us you're running for congress?

Well, we didn't want to steal your thunder.

Steal my thunder?

I'm sorry, have you seen how I'm wearing this dress?

[chuckles] Okay, well in that case,

uh, yes, I am.

All right! [cheers and applause]

- To Ben. - Donna and Joe.

To me. I own my own restaurant

and several other properties.

- That's always worth celebrating. - Hear hear.

Who's Garry?

Oh, I think that's supposed to be me.

Ha ha. That's your new name. Garry.

- Garry! All: Garry! Garry! Garry!

- Garry! Garry! - "Hi, I'm Garry!"

Garry is my real name.

Yes, after 30 years, my coworkers are finally

going to call me by my real name.

Oh, boy, I'm blessed.

Everyone, can I have your attention, please.

Now it's time for a surprise musical guest,

One of my time favorites... me.

[band playing Oh, Donna]

I had a girl

Donna was her name-- Donna! Joe!

I hope you saved a slice of that cake

for your estranged brother LeVondrious!

[all gasp]

What's up, girl?

Didn't expect to see your baby bro at your wedding, huh?

Well, I'm here...

despite what you did to me all those years ago.

What I did?

This is because of what you did.

Oh, you must be referring to the microwave incident.

- Yeah. - Don't worry.

I brought it back.

Well.

[all gasp, shout]

Now no one gets any popcorn.

You said you wanted a little drama.

That's why I love you, girl!

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