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1
00:00:01,222 --> 00:00:02,689
[CHATTERING]
2
00:00:05,026 --> 00:00:07,426
Anyway, Mr. Fielding,
I'm sure you can appreciate...
3
00:00:07,595 --> 00:00:10,587
...the sensitive nature
of this investigation.
4
00:00:10,765 --> 00:00:15,031
As far as I'm concerned,
this conversation never happened.
5
00:00:15,203 --> 00:00:19,264
Loose lips sink ships.
6
00:00:25,714 --> 00:00:28,239
- Guess who the geek in the cheap hat is.
- We know, Dan.
7
00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:31,647
He's with the judiciary review board.
They're investigating Harry.
8
00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:35,085
- He's talked to all of us, Dan.
- He...
9
00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,320
Do you mean I am the last one to know?
10
00:00:43,665 --> 00:00:45,929
Then I'm not gonna tell you about it.
11
00:00:46,701 --> 00:00:50,159
Well, you're not supposed to.
He said the investigations were confidential.
12
00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:53,171
Any discussion of them
is a flagrant violation of the law.
13
00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:59,475
Oh, come on, what's a little
malicious gossip among friends?
14
00:01:00,281 --> 00:01:01,509
He's right.
15
00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:02,707
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
16
00:01:02,884 --> 00:01:04,181
HARRY: Hey, guys.
BILLIE: Hi, Harry.
17
00:01:04,352 --> 00:01:05,683
- Hi.
MAC: Hi, Harry. How are you?
18
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:07,651
What's shaking?
19
00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:13,022
Oh, I get it.
We're playing Monastery, huh?
20
00:01:13,194 --> 00:01:14,718
Save me a seat.
21
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,528
DAN: What do we do with Harry
if he asks us?
22
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:19,394
Hi, guys.
23
00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:23,366
Everyone's playing, huh?
24
00:01:24,105 --> 00:01:26,471
Hey, neat duds, fella.
25
00:01:28,109 --> 00:01:31,636
Look at that, Willard.
The Eliot Ness look is back.
26
00:01:32,414 --> 00:01:34,177
I couldn't be happier, Stone.
27
00:01:34,349 --> 00:01:35,976
Watch this.
28
00:01:37,052 --> 00:01:40,544
Didn't your mother ever tell you
not to play with your food?
29
00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:42,690
I bruised my banana.
30
00:01:43,525 --> 00:01:45,618
I'll send you a get-well card.
31
00:01:47,829 --> 00:01:50,127
- How much?
- $ 1.25.
32
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:54,401
Oops. I forgot my money.
33
00:01:59,574 --> 00:02:01,906
Pay you back on Friday.
34
00:02:43,551 --> 00:02:44,882
[CHATTERING]
35
00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:47,049
- Docket changes.
- Oh, thanks.
36
00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:50,055
- Thank you.
- Uh-oh.
37
00:02:50,225 --> 00:02:51,692
Weasel alert.
38
00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:57,293
Just smile and look innocent.
39
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,131
HARRY:
Oh, Mousketeers.
40
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,338
Club's still in session.
41
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:11,873
Chickens smile like that
just before you lop off their heads.
42
00:03:13,081 --> 00:03:17,711
- He's gotta be warned.
- No, the guy could prosecute us. Just smile.
43
00:03:17,986 --> 00:03:19,283
- We gotta tell him, Dan.
- No.
44
00:03:19,454 --> 00:03:20,978
- Let's tell him.
- Tell me what?
45
00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:24,854
- Harry...
- Your Honor, we would just like to say...
46
00:03:25,026 --> 00:03:28,757
...that the sober and businesslike manner
in which you've run this court...
47
00:03:28,930 --> 00:03:31,091
...has meant a lot to us
these last few months.
48
00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:33,131
- You make it sound like I'm dead.
- Yeah...
49
00:03:33,301 --> 00:03:34,666
MAC:
Moving right along.
50
00:03:34,836 --> 00:03:39,296
Next case, Your Honor.
Carla Bouvier. Solicitation for prostitution.
51
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:43,001
Making a return engagement,
Miss Congeniality.
52
00:03:44,112 --> 00:03:47,377
Well, if it isn't my favorite celibate.
53
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:51,181
I will have you know
that just last month l...
54
00:03:51,352 --> 00:03:54,116
The court would like to congratulate you,
Mr. Fielding.
55
00:03:54,656 --> 00:03:57,557
- Hi, judge.
- Hi, Carla B. You back so soon?
56
00:03:57,725 --> 00:04:00,387
I guess I'm a workaholic.
57
00:04:00,995 --> 00:04:04,590
Ms. Bouvier was arrested on Wall Street
in front of the stock exchange.
58
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:09,100
Yes, sir, where she was putting
her commodities up for bid.
59
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:10,737
- Prosecution?
- The usual.
60
00:04:10,905 --> 00:04:12,236
- Defense?
- The usual.
61
00:04:12,407 --> 00:04:16,002
Then it's the usual,
$50 fine and time served.
62
00:04:16,945 --> 00:04:18,435
That's why I love this job.
63
00:04:18,613 --> 00:04:22,913
Each case is a drama unto itself.
64
00:04:24,018 --> 00:04:25,576
Don't take any wooden Shriners.
65
00:04:25,753 --> 00:04:27,744
[CHUCKLING]
66
00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:32,155
Virgin wool?
67
00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:39,093
Hey, you wanna see what I got
in a rummage sale this weekend?
68
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,201
No, Harry.
69
00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:44,562
Please don't.
70
00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:47,137
- Darn.
- Mac?
71
00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:49,936
- Put your toys away.
- Just one more time. That'll be it.
72
00:04:50,111 --> 00:04:53,512
- Your Honor...
- He takes the feed from Kareem.
73
00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:56,479
He sets. He shoots.
74
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,909
You fouled me, Miss Young.
75
00:05:00,655 --> 00:05:02,452
Your Honor...
76
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:05,319
I demand a recess.
77
00:05:05,493 --> 00:05:09,486
Uh-uh. It's my court. We take recesses
when I want to. Right, Mac?
78
00:05:10,665 --> 00:05:12,030
Mac?
79
00:05:35,823 --> 00:05:37,347
Recess.
80
00:05:39,227 --> 00:05:41,491
I was just toying with them.
81
00:05:48,503 --> 00:05:49,765
May I come in?
82
00:05:52,540 --> 00:05:55,236
It's a surprise party, isn't it?
83
00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:57,141
I wish it were.
84
00:05:57,645 --> 00:05:59,510
What is going on around here?
85
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:05,844
Why do I suddenly feel
like Captain Bligh?
86
00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:08,011
Harry, you're in trouble.
87
00:06:08,189 --> 00:06:10,817
It's true, isn't it? You're taking over.
88
00:06:10,992 --> 00:06:13,426
It's no joking matter, Harry.
You're in big trouble.
89
00:06:14,562 --> 00:06:17,497
Someone is gonna tell me
what's going on around here.
90
00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:25,131
Harry, there is a cancer on the judiciary.
91
00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:26,764
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
92
00:06:26,941 --> 00:06:28,067
Yeah.
93
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:30,604
- Judge Stone?
- Uh-huh.
94
00:06:31,512 --> 00:06:36,279
Peter DeMarco, investigator
with the judicial review board.
95
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:39,219
I assume this is the growth
you were talking about?
96
00:06:41,089 --> 00:06:42,249
Beg pardon, sir?
97
00:06:43,558 --> 00:06:46,550
- What can I do for you, Mr. DeMarco?
- Actually, nothing, judge.
98
00:06:46,728 --> 00:06:49,356
- My work here is done.
- I don't understand.
99
00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:52,829
Well, don't take this personally,
but for the past couple of weeks...
100
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,525
...l've been conducting
an investigation of you.
101
00:06:55,703 --> 00:06:58,228
Why would anyone take that personally?
102
00:06:58,406 --> 00:07:01,864
Believe me, it's just routine.
I do them all the time.
103
00:07:02,043 --> 00:07:03,067
You see, routine.
104
00:07:03,244 --> 00:07:05,439
Probably 1000-to-1
he finds anything.
105
00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:08,776
Of course, long shots do come through.
106
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:14,452
"Judge Harold T. Stone...
107
00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:18,490
...you are hereby ordered to appear
before the board of judicial review...
108
00:07:18,659 --> 00:07:20,650
...one week from today at 11 a.m.
109
00:07:20,828 --> 00:07:26,164
You are charged with impropriety
and conduct unbecoming a judge."
110
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:27,767
Anybody up for lunch?
111
00:07:33,074 --> 00:07:36,271
Wow, check out the charges
they got against Harry.
112
00:07:36,444 --> 00:07:41,848
"Lmproper attire, irreverent attitude,
disrespect to fellow judges.
113
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:47,452
Habitual use
of a hand-held electrical stimulant"?
114
00:07:49,223 --> 00:07:53,387
A Joy Buzzer rap. My God.
115
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,725
Here comes Willard,
the guy that brought up the charges.
116
00:08:00,935 --> 00:08:05,065
Go ahead. Make my day.
117
00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:11,000
Under the circumstances, Miss Hacker,
I'll ignore that.
118
00:08:13,548 --> 00:08:16,449
That guy really turns my stomach.
Putting Harry through hell...
119
00:08:16,617 --> 00:08:19,142
...just to satisfy
his own selfish ambitions.
120
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:24,351
By the way, I'll be having a victory party
in my chambers afterward.
121
00:08:24,525 --> 00:08:27,187
Looking forward
to getting better acquainted, sir.
122
00:08:31,332 --> 00:08:32,959
He bought it.
123
00:08:35,736 --> 00:08:37,601
- Hi, guys.
- Hello, Your Honor.
124
00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:40,900
Don't worry, Harry, I've been
working on your case all weekend.
125
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,236
- Harold T. Stone?
- That's me.
126
00:08:43,411 --> 00:08:45,276
- They're ready for you, sir.
- Good luck.
127
00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:47,243
- Go get them, Your Honor.
- Break a leg.
128
00:08:47,415 --> 00:08:49,440
Waste them.
129
00:08:50,985 --> 00:08:53,215
Know in your heart
that we're absolutely sure...
130
00:08:53,387 --> 00:08:55,947
...everything will be fine.
131
00:08:56,924 --> 00:08:58,687
But if it isn't...
132
00:08:59,227 --> 00:09:02,094
...remember you're young,
you've still got your health...
133
00:09:02,263 --> 00:09:05,164
...and the humiliation won't last forever.
134
00:09:05,766 --> 00:09:06,790
Thanks, Dan.
135
00:09:07,168 --> 00:09:09,159
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
136
00:09:20,815 --> 00:09:24,273
Remember what I once told you
about rocking our boat, Stone?
137
00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:26,276
Remind me after the session.
138
00:09:26,454 --> 00:09:30,584
I thought of a perfect place
for you to store that boat.
139
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:35,526
The Board of Judicial Review of the
State of New York is now in session.
140
00:09:35,696 --> 00:09:38,290
Martin A. Landis, presiding officer.
141
00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:44,732
Excuse me. Judge Landis.
142
00:09:44,906 --> 00:09:46,464
We're ready to begin.
143
00:09:46,641 --> 00:09:48,472
Uh, one moment.
144
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:55,406
Can you find the hippo in this picture?
145
00:09:56,817 --> 00:10:00,082
Perhaps we could go over it together
after the case.
146
00:10:00,254 --> 00:10:02,814
Oh, splendid. Uh... Which case is this?
147
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:08,292
Oh, yes. Harold T. Stone,
arraignment-court judge.
148
00:10:08,462 --> 00:10:12,455
It is this tribunal's duty
to determine his fitness.
149
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:15,033
Judge Stone,
will you be represented by counsel?
150
00:10:15,202 --> 00:10:16,726
I will be defending myself.
151
00:10:16,904 --> 00:10:20,032
"He who represents himself
has a fool for a client."
152
00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:22,368
- Who said that?
- Oliver Wendell Holmes.
153
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,340
Who cares?
154
00:10:25,012 --> 00:10:27,412
Do you understand
the charges brought against you...
155
00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:29,072
...and the jeopardy involved?
156
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,684
- Yes, sir, I do.
- Well, you're one up on me. Ha-ha.
157
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,412
Uh... Just kidding, son.
A little levity never hurts.
158
00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:38,848
That's what I used to think.
159
00:10:40,027 --> 00:10:42,018
Prosecution, call your first witness.
160
00:10:42,196 --> 00:10:44,027
Call Daniel K. Fielding.
161
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,865
- Oh, let me just get my...
- Daniel K. Fielding?
162
00:10:52,707 --> 00:10:56,905
Save your breath, kid.
They're calling in the, uh, heavy artillery.
163
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,742
It's in the old bag, sir.
164
00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:05,842
Hey.
165
00:11:06,287 --> 00:11:09,051
How you doing? Good afternoon.
Good to see you.
166
00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:11,280
[SIGHS]
167
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,889
You need a pillow or anything?
168
00:11:15,329 --> 00:11:16,921
Mr. Fielding.
169
00:11:17,098 --> 00:11:19,566
Tell us exactly what it is you do.
170
00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:22,628
What for? I'm not on trial here.
171
00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:27,171
Let the record show that Mr. Fielding
is an assistant district attorney.
172
00:11:27,341 --> 00:11:29,206
Mr. Fielding, you work with Judge Stone.
173
00:11:29,377 --> 00:11:33,507
Would you consider his
courtroom behavior eccentric?
174
00:11:33,914 --> 00:11:35,575
[CHUCKLING]
175
00:11:37,051 --> 00:11:42,648
An example. On July 12th of this year,
didn't the defendant, claiming, quote:
176
00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:45,724
"This courtroom ain't big enough
for the two of us," unquote...
177
00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:49,385
...squirt you in the face
with a water pistol in open court?
178
00:11:51,032 --> 00:11:53,091
That date again?
179
00:11:53,267 --> 00:11:55,235
Just answer the question.
180
00:11:55,403 --> 00:11:59,100
Well, yes, he did, but it was an accident.
He was aiming for my briefcase.
181
00:11:59,273 --> 00:12:00,706
[LAUGHING]
182
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,672
- Shut up.
- Right.
183
00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:06,879
Your Honor, to expedite matters,
the incident did take place...
184
00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:09,482
...but it was between sessions.
It was a rough night.
185
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:13,086
I was just trying to lighten up the mood
in the courtroom a little bit.
186
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:16,018
- "A little levity never hurts."
- Good point.
187
00:12:16,924 --> 00:12:19,222
It was mine, wasn't it?
188
00:12:19,894 --> 00:12:21,725
Mr. Fielding, do you or do you not...
189
00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:25,593
...consider a judge who wears
Bermuda shorts under his robes...
190
00:12:25,766 --> 00:12:28,735
...and thumb-wrestles with a bailiff
an eccentric?
191
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:38,106
Well, perhaps, perhaps, but eccentric
has many different meanings...
192
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:41,680
...from the mildly unconventional
to, uh, the downright insane.
193
00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:42,873
Ah! You said "insane."
194
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,348
I probably shouldn't have,
though, should I?
195
00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:47,578
- Thank you. That'll be all.
- I did not mean...
196
00:12:47,755 --> 00:12:49,689
I said, that will be all.
197
00:12:51,258 --> 00:12:53,089
Does the defense have any questions?
198
00:12:53,594 --> 00:12:56,563
Not if I wanna retain my citizenship.
199
00:13:00,468 --> 00:13:02,026
So anyway...
200
00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:07,334
...this guy, looks like Leon DeMarcus,
took me to my senior prom.
201
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:11,743
I woke up in a rowboat
in Sheepshead Bay...
202
00:13:11,912 --> 00:13:16,281
...with a bottle of cheap wine
and a song in my heart.
203
00:13:16,951 --> 00:13:18,441
[SIGHS]
204
00:13:18,619 --> 00:13:20,314
What was the question?
205
00:13:24,391 --> 00:13:28,384
- Okay, here comes the coup de gr�ce.
- Bull Shannon, please.
206
00:13:29,830 --> 00:13:31,320
Oh.
207
00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:33,957
Sorry.
208
00:13:34,135 --> 00:13:35,830
- It's okay, Bull.
- Yeah.
209
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,527
Tough.
210
00:13:41,442 --> 00:13:43,774
It's nicely typed.
211
00:13:51,018 --> 00:13:52,952
Piece of cake.
212
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,250
Maybe later.
213
00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:05,823
You may be seated.
214
00:14:07,535 --> 00:14:08,559
I am seated.
215
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:11,768
Oh, yes, so you are.
216
00:14:13,073 --> 00:14:14,700
Hey, what's with the hair?
217
00:14:17,478 --> 00:14:18,706
It's gone.
218
00:14:21,148 --> 00:14:23,173
Any further questions, Judge Willard?
219
00:14:23,951 --> 00:14:27,284
Yes, Your Honor, if you don't mind.
220
00:14:28,589 --> 00:14:30,557
Mr. Shannon...
221
00:14:31,258 --> 00:14:34,716
...for two years,
you've served in Judge Stone's court...
222
00:14:34,895 --> 00:14:39,628
...witnessing his obvious lack of respect
for things traditional.
223
00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:45,302
You must have formulated
some opinion of him, hmm?
224
00:14:45,472 --> 00:14:48,964
I'd take a bullet between the eyes
for that man.
225
00:14:49,143 --> 00:14:52,374
I'd jump on a live grenade
to save his life.
226
00:14:52,546 --> 00:14:56,312
I'd hammer a nail through my skull
if he asked me to.
227
00:15:02,556 --> 00:15:04,547
WILLARD:
The witness is dismissed.
228
00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,420
I tried to look mean.
229
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:11,889
A little more work, you'll have it.
230
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:17,794
You seem to have some loyal people
working with you, Judge Stone.
231
00:15:17,972 --> 00:15:20,964
I would like to think
that I earned their respect, Your Honor.
232
00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:24,076
Well, it appears that you have,
Judge Stone.
233
00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:27,781
You've done a real
crummy job here, Willard.
234
00:15:28,215 --> 00:15:29,705
Thank you, sir.
235
00:15:30,284 --> 00:15:35,244
In my opinion, Harold T. Stone
is more than qualified to carry on...
236
00:15:35,422 --> 00:15:36,446
WILLARD:
Your Honor.
237
00:15:36,624 --> 00:15:41,084
The prosecution
has one more witness to introduce.
238
00:15:41,262 --> 00:15:45,255
Knowing full well that he would be
appearing before this review board today...
239
00:15:45,432 --> 00:15:49,732
...Harold Stone flagrantly disregarded
his position as a judge...
240
00:15:49,904 --> 00:15:55,365
...when two days ago,
he openly consorted with a prostitute.
241
00:15:55,809 --> 00:15:57,834
Now we're cooking.
242
00:15:58,412 --> 00:16:00,039
Call Carla Bouvier.
243
00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:02,974
Carla. What's going on here?
244
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:06,142
To put it simply, Saturday night,
you and this woman, a hooker...
245
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,448
...spent the night in your apartment.
Do you deny it?
246
00:16:10,057 --> 00:16:11,354
You must have followed me.
247
00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:13,959
You sat outside my apartment
all night in the rain...
248
00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:16,096
...to dig up a little piece of dirt on me?
249
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,896
I got time and a half.
250
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,500
You don't have to tell them anything.
251
00:16:21,669 --> 00:16:24,137
Oh, yes, you do, Miss Bouvier.
You're under subpoena.
252
00:16:24,305 --> 00:16:26,705
- Miss Bouvier, please take a seat.
- No.
253
00:16:26,874 --> 00:16:28,671
Did he say no?
254
00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:32,073
You have no right
to pry into my personal life or hers.
255
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:34,771
None of this has to do
with my competency at the bench.
256
00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:37,144
I think we should let a court decide that.
257
00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:40,116
Uh, you are the court, sir.
258
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:43,012
Say, that's convenient, isn't it?
259
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:46,391
If this is gonna have bearing
on the outcome of this hearing...
260
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,790
...l'll save you all the trouble.
261
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:51,360
I quit.
262
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:11,447
Put on a little weight, haven't you?
263
00:17:11,618 --> 00:17:12,642
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
264
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:14,151
Yeah?
265
00:17:15,489 --> 00:17:17,616
- Your Honor.
- Hey, Mac.
266
00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:20,354
I, uh...
267
00:17:20,694 --> 00:17:22,889
I found your dribble glass.
268
00:17:24,198 --> 00:17:27,099
It was in the, uh, guards' lounge.
269
00:17:30,004 --> 00:17:31,801
You keep it.
270
00:17:34,341 --> 00:17:35,968
Well, thanks, Your Honor.
271
00:17:36,143 --> 00:17:39,112
Every time Bull drools, I'll think of you.
272
00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:42,614
You know, you can cut the "Your Honor,"
I'm just Harry now.
273
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:46,811
Well, I prefer "Your Honor."
274
00:17:47,988 --> 00:17:49,148
Thanks, Mac.
275
00:17:49,323 --> 00:17:51,188
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
276
00:17:51,358 --> 00:17:55,192
- Listen, I'd rather be alone now, huh?
- No problem.
277
00:17:57,297 --> 00:17:59,561
I'm afraid the judge
can't take visitors now, sir.
278
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:01,325
Let me be the judge of that.
279
00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:02,833
[LAUGHING]
280
00:18:05,372 --> 00:18:07,237
Let me be the...
281
00:18:09,643 --> 00:18:11,110
Tough room.
282
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:14,280
You a Shriner, Stone?
283
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:16,973
No, I picked that up at the
Goodwill in the Village.
284
00:18:17,151 --> 00:18:20,279
That's where I got
my Captain Video helmet.
285
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:24,122
- You've got a Captain Video helmet?
- You didn't invent whimsy, you know.
286
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:27,488
I'm not senile, Stone.
I've been like this for 50 years.
287
00:18:27,661 --> 00:18:31,427
So even if I do become senile,
people will never know.
288
00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:35,267
Come to think of it,
I won't know either, will I?
289
00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:38,032
- Listen, judge...
- Shut up.
290
00:18:38,205 --> 00:18:40,867
I'm old. I can talk as long as I want.
291
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:43,333
Stone...
292
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:47,776
...when I saw you,
I saw me 30 years ago.
293
00:18:48,282 --> 00:18:50,375
You were a breath of fresh air...
294
00:18:50,551 --> 00:18:52,314
...but you disappointed me.
295
00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:55,114
You had potential, but you screwed up.
296
00:18:55,722 --> 00:18:56,746
I quit.
297
00:18:57,491 --> 00:19:01,393
That, in my book, is screwing up.
298
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,592
What are you, nuts?
299
00:19:03,764 --> 00:19:05,925
Are you seeing anybody else, sir?
300
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:09,160
- You can't quit your job.
- I just told him.
301
00:19:09,336 --> 00:19:11,327
This is my fault.
I wanna straighten it out.
302
00:19:11,505 --> 00:19:13,666
I already told you,
that is out of the question.
303
00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:17,140
You can't tell me what to do anymore.
You're not a judge, remember?
304
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:20,542
She's got you
by the statutes there, Stone.
305
00:19:21,048 --> 00:19:24,677
Uh, young lady, mmm,
why don't you tell me the story?
306
00:19:24,852 --> 00:19:26,683
Well, perhaps I'd better be going.
307
00:19:27,054 --> 00:19:29,682
Harry Stone is the sexiest man I know.
308
00:19:29,857 --> 00:19:31,916
The truth is
I would love to sleep with him.
309
00:19:32,092 --> 00:19:34,287
I guess I have a minute.
310
00:19:36,196 --> 00:19:38,721
The point is I didn't, and I won't.
311
00:19:38,899 --> 00:19:41,663
I don't wanna lose what we have.
312
00:19:44,571 --> 00:19:47,768
See, sometimes
I work this corner uptown.
313
00:19:47,941 --> 00:19:50,307
It's not the greatest neighborhood,
but it's okay.
314
00:19:50,477 --> 00:19:54,914
- Carla, you really don't have to.
- Ignore him. Continue.
315
00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:59,442
Anyway, a couple of nights ago,
these cops picked me up...
316
00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:04,353
...and I figured, well, I'm on the way back
to see Judge Stone again...
317
00:20:04,525 --> 00:20:06,823
...but they said
they weren't there to bust me.
318
00:20:06,994 --> 00:20:09,963
They needed me to identify a body...
319
00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:13,293
...so they drove me to the morgue.
320
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,033
Someone you knew?
321
00:20:15,769 --> 00:20:17,498
Marie.
322
00:20:18,272 --> 00:20:19,796
Uh...
323
00:20:19,973 --> 00:20:22,669
We worked the same corner sometimes.
324
00:20:24,678 --> 00:20:29,775
All those times I'd seen her around,
I never knew her last name.
325
00:20:30,117 --> 00:20:33,553
But when I looked down at the body...
326
00:20:34,555 --> 00:20:36,386
...all I could see was myself.
327
00:20:38,358 --> 00:20:41,623
I'd never felt so alone
or so scared in my life.
328
00:20:44,164 --> 00:20:45,791
So you went to see Judge Stone.
329
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:48,898
He's a friend.
330
00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:52,402
He didn't preach.
He didn't talk down to me.
331
00:20:52,573 --> 00:20:54,370
He just listened.
332
00:20:54,541 --> 00:20:56,600
And then he held me...
333
00:20:57,010 --> 00:20:59,274
...and he just let me cry all night.
334
00:21:01,481 --> 00:21:04,143
He's the only person I know...
335
00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:07,850
...who ever made me feel like
I was worth anything.
336
00:21:10,958 --> 00:21:14,291
See? It was easy.
337
00:21:15,862 --> 00:21:17,853
Of course it was.
338
00:21:22,736 --> 00:21:26,797
I don't think it's fair that I didn't get to
present these facts at the hearing.
339
00:21:26,974 --> 00:21:29,670
I have done research
and found precedent after precedent...
340
00:21:29,843 --> 00:21:31,538
...in support of Judge Stone's case.
341
00:21:31,712 --> 00:21:34,340
These accusations of impropriety
are totally unfounded...
342
00:21:34,514 --> 00:21:37,483
...and I demand that
the charges be dropped immediately.
343
00:21:38,385 --> 00:21:40,182
Agreed.
344
00:21:42,556 --> 00:21:44,148
Well, good.
345
00:21:45,058 --> 00:21:47,288
Was it the evidence
or the way I presented it?
346
00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:51,329
Come on. I'll explain it
over a couple of pi�a coladas.
347
00:21:51,498 --> 00:21:55,525
Oh, don't worry.
I'm a judge, not a dirty old man.
348
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,137
I lied. I'm both.
349
00:22:08,215 --> 00:22:10,775
ALL:
Surprise!
350
00:22:10,951 --> 00:22:12,942
[SINGING "FOR HE'S A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"]
351
00:22:23,263 --> 00:22:26,699
- Oh, welcome back, sir.
- Thanks, guys.
352
00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:29,165
- Open it, Harry.
- We all chipped in.
353
00:22:29,336 --> 00:22:32,271
It didn't come up even,
but I made up the overage.
354
00:22:32,839 --> 00:22:34,306
Thanks, Dan.
355
00:22:36,576 --> 00:22:40,478
A Mel Torm� lunchbox.
356
00:22:42,182 --> 00:22:45,447
I just pasted his face
over Barney Rubble's.
357
00:22:46,553 --> 00:22:50,455
- Thanks, guys.
- There's something else in there.
358
00:22:55,562 --> 00:22:56,688
Real nice.
359
00:22:56,863 --> 00:22:58,023
Sir?
360
00:22:58,198 --> 00:23:00,598
It's Judge Willard's.
361
00:23:02,402 --> 00:23:04,199
No.
362
00:23:05,939 --> 00:23:11,206
- You mean you guys...?
- Desecrated his dickey. You betcha.
363
00:23:51,618 --> 00:23:53,609
[ENGLISH SDH]
364
00:23:53,659 --> 00:23:58,209
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