Original subtitles

Okay, Jack, you've mastered this move.

Now focus on a spot.

And kick through it!

You did it! I got my nacho nuggets.

Guys, you're not gonna believe it.

My dad and a whole bunch of my family are coming

to watch me in the tournament this Saturday.

I'm gonna train extra hard. My dad's never seen me fight before,

Except this one time at the petting zoo.

This goose ate one of my flip-flops.

It was on, yo!

And it was all "honk".

And I was all.

And it was all "honk."and I was all.

Don't you get all tough with me

I'm saying won't you come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall

that's just how we do

and no matter how much I chop and punch

it's not as cool as kickin' it with you

here we go, let's start the party

chop it up like it's karate

everybody

don't you get all tough with me

I'm saying won't you come kick it with me?

And we could have a ball, run up the wall

that's just how we do

and no matter how much I chop and punch

it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Kickin' It S01E15 The Great Escape

-What's up? -To be in detention?

Yeah, I blew it off. I'm sparring with Eddie. Do you know where he is?

He said if he was going to spar with you he needed to go to the library first.

Why would he do that?

Okay.

Let's do this quick. That book alarm went crazy when I walked out.

Wow.

Jerry, a human sparring dummy.

This will be the first time I've ever seen you hit the books.

Yeah, like my grandmother.

Ho ho ho, that's it.

Yeah, I know, man.

I'm gonna be in sick shape for the tournament Saturday.

I'm ready. I'm focused.

And nothing can distract me from...

Yo, what it do, girl?

What's going on here?

I'm out.

Oh, Martinez!

I've been looking all over for you.

You were supposed to be in detention.

Yeah yeah yeah. I had to blow it off.

I'm in training, but just put it on my tab.

Let's go, you, come on.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Vice Principal Slugman. It won't happen again.

Really? You mean that?

What do you need to hear, buddy?

Come on.

Jerry!

What's up, my peeps?

Yo yo yo. Get her to stop snoring.

Tony, drop a beat real quick.

Hey, Rudy, my friend.

How can I make your mouth happy today?

Phil, your stupid goat has been relieving herself in front of my dojo.

Great. It means she like you.

She leave you a gift of her muflafla.

I don't want her muflafla.

You'll get along fine when you look after her this weekend.

What? Forget it. I'm not babysitting your goat.

You forget the favor

that I did for you?

Phil, I'll never forget this favor you did for me.

It's no biggie, Rudy.

Your gall bladder not working, so I give you one of mine.

You know you only have one gall bladder, right?

No, that's not how it works, right?

Everything comes in pairs, no?

Hey. Hey, Rudy,

You think I can have my gall bladder back?

Sorry. Kind of attached to it.

Nurse!

Fine. I'll take tootsie, whatever.

Tootsie, Uncle Rudy's going to have party of slumber for you.

You take one vital organ from a guy and

you never hear the end of it.

Yeah.

Whoa! Jerry, you are pumped for this tournament.

I wanna make my dad proud. I'm even on this special training diet.

- Hold this.- Oh no.

Please, tell me you're not...

Yes, I am.

What's that noise?

I don't know.

Do you think Rudy's trying to squeeze into his skinny jeans again?

I Hope not. That's a three-man job.

What's going on, fools?

Wow!

Your butt looks like they shrink-wrapped a couple of cantaloupes.

Thank you.

What's going on with my office?

We don't know. We thought you were in there.

Oh no, Tootsie!

No! Bad goat.

Bad goat!

I think she ate my phone.

Hello. Hello.

Whoever's calling, you're in a goat.

What's this thing holding your books together?

I got banned from using my backpack by my orthopedist.

Orthopedist? What are you, 80?

Man, this thing's crazy.

It's like a big giant rubber band for your books.

Or a big giant slingshot for these pucks.

Yo, five bucks says I can nail Larry right in his blowhole.

Go for it. Come on.

Not with that angle of trajectory you can't.

It's simple physics.

Force equals mass times acceleration.

All right, so...

You just have to stretch it.

Don't stretch it too far until you align it.

Holy Christmas nuts!

What happened to your head?

I've been de-wigged!

Who is responsible for this?

I am.

You?

You're the poster boy for good behavior.

Milton didn't do it. I did.

What are you doing?

Dude, he can't handle heat like this. I got it.

I'll report to detention or as I like to call it,

Club Jerry.

You are headed for maximum-security- lockdown detention.

With Captain Coburn. See you on Saturday.

No no no. Saturday's actually not gonna work for me.

I've got a karate tournament.

You should have thought of that

before you hair-jacked Miss Davis.

Jerry, your family's gon see you in this tournament.

I have a plan.

Dude, you heard what Slugman said.

This isn't regular detention.

It's maximum-security-lockdown detention.

No, man, this guy Coburn, he's never seen you before.

I'll say I'm you, do the time.

And you can go to the tournament.

- That might work. - Yeah.

Room 214.

I've heard about this place.

You can smell the stink of delinquency.

That's not delinquency.

Martinez.

Yep, that's me.

The de-wigger.

You have quite a rap sheet.

You stuffed a meat loaf into Tommy Ward's trombone.

And you spread atomic glue on the toilet seat in the faculty lounge.

Yeah yeah yeah! I remember that one.

That was my best one.

Mr. Harper walked around with the seat on his butt for three days.

Really, Jerry, really?

This way, Martinez.

Uh-huh, yeah. No, I gotta go, ma.

No, I gotta go. I'm hanging up my goat now.

Bye-bye.

Come on.

Come on, lousy machine.

Come on. Daddy needs his nuggets. Come on!

Really?

This is how I'm gonna go?

I don't believe it. I'm too young to die.

I'm too young... Holy smokes.

Chili Whoppers come with free tattoos?

And I'm never gonna get one!

Tootsie.

You saved my life, you beautiful beautiful goat.

I gotta call my mom back and tell her all about you.

Thanks. I'll just use the phone in my office.

Captain Coburn is focused on one thing and one thing only:

Kids breaking out.

What he's not expecting is someone breaking in.

Okay, you guys make the switch... one Jerry for another.

Whoa. Where are we going to find another Jerry?

Who ordered the swag, yo?

Wow! That's pretty good,

But are you sure he's ready?

Let's find out.

Kim, pretend to be an attractive girl, okay?

Okay, I'll try, but I don't know

if a heinous troll like me could pull it off.

Show her what you got, Jerry.

A little cologne.

Yo, 'sup, girl?

What it do?

Your cologne makes my eyes burn is what it do.

All right, listen, mamacita,

You want a nice hot slice of Jerry pie or not?

What are you talking about?

Sorry, let me slow down.

Forgot I was talking to a blonde.

That's it!

He's ready!

Can I go to the bathroom?

- No! - But I really have to go.

You weren't thinking about peeing when you pulled the fire alarm,

Were you, punk?

Actually, when the sprinklers went off, I kind of...

Shut it!

Can I help you?

I was told to report for detention.

I'm a little late. I had to steal a bus to get down here.

You stole a bus. Who are you?

I'm a whole lotta trouble.

Lets see. I don't think I have a "Whole Lotta."

I have a Karen. I have a Carol.

I have a Regindra.

I have a Doll.

A Jerry,

A Randy.

I have a Debbie.

And a Timmy.

Sorry, if you're not on the list, you're not getting in.

That's the policy.

Play it your way.

I'll just go down to the pet store and teach the parrots bad words.

You're trouble, whole lotta.

A whole lotta trouble, whole lotta.

Tootsie, daddy's home.

Hey, Phil, I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

I came back early. I miss my tootsie. Where is she?

She's... she's not here.

What are you talking? She's right there.

Phil, we need to talk.

I never thought I would hear myself say these words,

But I have developed some very strong feelings for your goat.

Okay.

She saved my life. I can't just give her back.

I won't.

And you've discussed this?

Is this what she wants?

She doesn't know what she wants.

She's just a crazy mixed-up kid.

Okay okay.

Well, then there's only one thing left for us to do:

We leave her alone and let her heart decide.

Come here, Tootsie baby.

Tootsie baby, come here. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy, Tootsie?

You know you wanna come over here. I take such good care of you.

You know I love you.

Okay okay.

I guess you've made up your mind.

I Hope you two have a nice life together.

I think he took that really well.

Or maybe not.

My heart has come out!

After my commander got shot in the leg,

I put him on my back and let him ride me into battle like a horse.

What's up, Martinez? You look a little different.

Hit puberty, yo. Sprouted some new pit hair.

Check it.

- Wait a minute.- Ow!

This isn't real pit hair, and you're not Jerry.

You're that nerd Milton.

Hey, guys, fresh nerd meat.

What? You don't need your boys.

We can work this out ourselves.

Okay, fine, I'm a nerd.

The nerd who masterminded the only escape

from maximum security lockdown detention.

You're right. How'd you do it?

Laundry cart? Bribe somebody? Dig a tunnel?

No, man, we went up.

Spaceship.

What's with the get-up?

This is traditional hahmah mourning garb.

We wear it when we are grieving the loss of a goat that we loved.

Okay.

Can I get a number 4 with some baba ganoush poppers?

Number 4 with baba ganoush popper.

And some pickled carrots.

And some pickled carrot.

For 15 cents extra, you can supersize your drink.

Why, Tootsie?

Phil, I think you should have Tootsie back.

Huh?

It's the right thing to do. She belongs with you.

Could I just have a moment to say goodbye?

Yes, of course.

You're fired, Phyllis. Tootsie's back.

We didn't stand a chance, Tootsie.

No, you let me get this out.

Of all the karate joints in all the world,

You pooped in front of mine,

But you also pooped on my heart.

I have a picture of us.

I want you to have it.

Let it be a reminder of...

Or you could just eat it. Sure, that works.

Tony, you don't have to cut gym.

Just show up with two left shoes

And tell coach you have to sit out

'cause you're waiting on a foot transplant.

Next.

Hey, all you kids sitting back here

Listening to his every word,

I wouldn't put much stock in it. He's sitting here in detention.

How smart can that be?

Smart enough to outsmart you.

In 32 years of business,

No one has ever outsmarted me.

Think about that, punk.

Okay, two thoughts occur...

One: You have what looks like a wad of pepperoni in your mustache.

And two:

This punk just outsmarted you.

I'm not Jerry Martinez. I'm Milton Krupnick.

That's right. I busted him out.

What? No kid has ever escaped from my detention.

My perfect record was all I had.

that and the love of sweet labradoodle Irine

Oh yeah, and the wife.

Listen, Harvey, maybe nobody has to know about this.

What do you mean?

Everyone will keep their yaps shut, right, fellas?

Yeah.

If you make some changes around here.

Changes? What kind of changes?

You know, Milton,

I should fix you up with this girl whole lotta.

She's trouble, but I think you'd like her.

Randy, don't even think about it.

Come on, Eddie! Come on, Eddie!

- Winner! - Who's a mama's boy now?

Look, mommy, I won!

Where did Jerry go?

His whole family's here and he's up next.

- I'll go talk to him. - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry, what are you doing? Your whole family's waiting.

Rudy, I was so excited about my family coming to watch me.

That I didn't think how they would feel about me if I lost.

They don't care if you win. They're here because they love you.

Thanks, Rudy.

Hey, I got something for you.

Maybe it'll inspire you.

It's a picture of us at your first tournament.

I want you to have it. Let it be a reminder...

Or you could just eat it. Sure, that works.

Sorry, Rudy, I'm a nervous eater. I'll see ya.

Jerry!

Bow! Ready? Fight!

Ay, papi!

Winner!

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Tootsie!

I see it in your face.

The look in your eyes.

You just can't look away.

No matter how I try.

You turn me inside out when I need you

I'll never be the same.

Oh no no...

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