Original subtitles

Okay, let's see if we can pull that sleeve up

far enough,

or you might have to take off your blouse.

How's this?

Oh, that should be fine.

You can leave your shirt on.

Boo. I'm out of here.

Boring PG-13 blood drive.

Maya, I want to thank you again for organizing the blood drive.

How did you get so many people to sign up?

We had a margarita party yesterday,

and nobody knew what they were signing.

So do you do many of these?

Well, a few,

but mostly, I work down at the children's clinic,

so this is quite a change of pace for me.

Look at the choo-choo. Look at the choo-choo.

Ow.

And you know, I've got to tell you,

Blush is my favorite magazine.

Well,

next to Playgirl.

Damn, I love naked men.

So have you been here long?

Um, about a year.

I used to write TV news,

but then I got fired

for making an anchorwoman cry on the air.

I saw that.

That blond girl on channel nine.

Whoo, she was nasty. Whatever happened to her?

She does a Christian puppet show on cable.

So after the crying incident,

I wasn't much in demand,

and my dad said he was in a bind,

so here I am.

Well, you must have more fun here.

Oh, yeah, sometimes.

Not today.

Ooh, give me the dirt.

Well, my father met a cute girl this weekend

and hired her to write an article.

She's completely unqualified,

and now I'm saddled with babysitting her.

She is driving me- Maya?

And that's why space travel is possible today.

I always come in

at the end of that story.

Yes, Shannon?

For my article,

when you said that my sentences ran on too long,

did you mean that I put too many thoughts

into one sentence,

or that people just like short sentences?

Because I read that once

in a book that my high school English teacher gave me,

who was no one to judge,

because he was hitting on me the year I grew boobs.

Shannon, if you look in the back of my desk drawer,

I bet there's a Butterfinger.

This is the best job ever.

She is a writer?

I'm not even sure she's a reader,

but she looks great in short skirts,

and in my father's world,

that gets you a Pulitzer.

Ah.

So now I am responsible

for teaching her draft after draft.

Does my father have to deal with her?

No.

I mean, for God's sakes,

TheNew York Times

doesn't just hand out articles

to cute little bartenders.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

You're gonna get that blood moving too fast.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Although, come to think of it,

I don't remember eating breakfast this morgle...

What?

Maya?

Oh, Maya.

What are you doing?

Oh. Uh, we mess with each other

all the time.

She is gonna love me for doing this.

It's a real hoot. Say "rabies."

Uh-oh.

You'd better hook me up, quick.

You feeling better?

Oh, yeah, I feel- I feel a little...

I feel a little fogg-

What the hell?

Oh, Cujo, you can't be our family dog anymore.

Maya,

there's some juice next to you.

Why don't you just try and rest a while?

Thanks.

So, Dennis, what is it that you do around here?

I mean, besides spread your love.

Well, I'm the publisher's right-hand man.

I am the straw that stirs the drink.

Could you flex that bicep for me, please?

I already am.

Ah, would you look at that.

Oh, yeah.

I lift a little bit on weekends.

An airplane goes "vroom."

Ooh, where? Oh!

So have you been here long?

About nine years.

I was hand-picked by Mr. Gallo himself

after a brief stint in show business.

Oh, really? You were an actor?

Mm, not per se.

A writer.

Let's just say,

if you wanted to get into the movies,

you had to go through me.

Hey.

How are you, sir?

Box office is right up front.

Yeah, I was already there.

They told me the movie's sold out.

Yes, sir, very popular film.

Costume drama. Two thumbs up.

My date over there had her heart set on seeing it.

Oh, she's a looker.

Shame to disappoint her.

Yeah, well, I was wondering if there was any way at all

we could get in there.

Sir, are you offering me a bribe?

I am an usher.

This uniform is a symbol of integrity and honor.

It would be a disgrace to the profession

if I let you in, you crooked fat cat.

Sorry.

Wait, wait. Where you going?

Dude, my manager was walking by.

Come here. Oh.

So about that 20...

Uh, yeah, sure. Here you go.

All right.

Another 20 will get you primo seats.

How primo?

10th row, center, behind a short guy.

How did you manage that?

I put lost-and-found coats on the best rows,

then I scope the lines for little people

and let them in early.

That's pretty resourceful.

I do okay.

Cigar?

Got any Cubans?

Ooh, nice choice. Top shelf.

Another 10.

Rose for the lady?

Why not?

Breath mint?

Uh...

Trust me.

Okay, let's move you two in.

I didn't catch your name. That's right.

Gotcha.

What are you doing, Dennis?

Oh, hi.

I was just helping these nice patrons

back in to find their...

Coats, our coats.

You're wearing coats.

Ah! There they are.

It's like when you're looking for your glasses,

and the whole time, they're on top of your head.

Uh-huh. Dennis, clear out your cubby.

What?

You were sneaking these people in

to a sold-out show.

I just thank God

it was the mature audience of a costume drama,

or this could have erupted into total pandemonium.

I've seen it happen.

You're fired.

Hey, that's my dad's tie.

You make me sick.

Yeah, well,

who needs your stupid job anyway?

You do, don't you?

Yes.

So I cleaned out my cubby and started here the next day.

Huh.

After all that, he still hired you.

Well, I'm good to have around.

Blush magazine has a lot of competitors,

and not many people can fit into their air ducts.

You're all set.

Ah, good.

Maya, you gonna be okay?

Oh, thanks for asking.

I'll be all right.

You look a little flush.

You might want to take her shirt off.

Out.

The brassiere is very constricting.

That is a fact.

Hey, that nurse is gonna tell you

to look at an airplane.

Mm-hm. There is no airplane.

Maya, how you feeling?

Everybody's concerned.

You mean everyone's laughing at me.

But not to your face,

and that should count for something.

Hi. I'm Elliott DiMauro. Here's my form.

Well, then, let's get started.

Elliott, thanks again for letting us use your studio.

Oh, no problem, it's been fun out there,

watching Shannon trying to get channel four

on the microwave.

Oh, so you're the photographer.

Mm-hmm.

You know, that must be exciting,

working with all the models.

Well, photographs

are the backbone of a magazine.

No offense, Maya.

Words are important too.

Yes. Words, good.

Well,

I'm a big fan of your work.

Look at the bunny. Look at the bunny.

So did you always want to be a photographer?

Oh, as long as I could remember.

I've always been fascinated by the honesty of it,

the form,

the juxtaposition of light and shadow...

The sleeping with the models.

It's all good.

Must've been hard to break into.

Oh, impossible,

but you know what they say, "When the going gets tough..."

"The tough get going."

Not me.

I gave up.

Yours?

Yeah.

Beautiful shot. Who's the girl?

A prostitute who lives in my building.

You see all the wrinkles in her face?

No.

That's because I shot it through an old T-shirt.

Very nice.

Oh, look at this woman's face.

You can see life's brought her nothing

but disappointment.

That's my mother.

Sorry. But no kidding, these are all great.

Well, this is your lucky day.

Fire sale. Buck a piece.

Also got lots of camera equipment.

Everything must go.

All this?

I'm getting the hell out of here and going back to Jersey.

Guess what?

I'm gonna be the assistant manager

at my cousin's grocery store.

With your people skills, sky's the limit.

Why are you giving up photography?

I can't take the rejection anymore.

I can't make my rent, I can't buy food.

So I'm gonna be the assistant manager

at my cousin's grocery store.

You won't need a microphone for the price checks.

How much for the camera?

300 bucks. It cost me 12.

Works?

Yeah, it works.

I'll give you 75.

75?

He just told you he paid 1200 bucks for it.

You offer him 75?

Don't sell this guy your camera.

What, do you think I was born yesterday?

This guy's your shill.

He's not my shill.

I've never seen him before in my life.

What, they teach you that line in shill school?

Hey, this guy's

got a freaking shill!

Thank you very much.

I'm gonna bend over now,

and why don't you just kick me right in the ass.

Here, come by and see me sometime.

"Tiger Lily, oriental massage"?

Oh, uh... Here.

"Jack Gallo, Blush magazine."

That's you? You're him?

Call me tomorrow. You do good work.

I've been trying to get my foot in your door for years.

Imagine that.

Could I have my other card back?

Oh, here. This is amazing.

I mean, you walking by here this afternoon.

What are the odds? Pretty good.

I keep a mistress in this building.

You know, this had the makings of the worst day of my life.

On top of everything, this morning,

I found a bunch of hairs in my sink.

Ah, stop worrying.

I know hair,

and that mane of yours isn't going anywhere.

And that's it, and then I was here.

I never heard that story before.

My cousin with the grocery store?

It's now the third largest chain

in Jersey.

I would have had the biggest above-ground pool

in the whole neighborhood.

You're all done.

Great. Thank you.

How are you feeling?

Pretty good.

Better, I think.

Good, because when that needle went into my skin,

and the blood started going through that little tube,

man, the look on your face...

What look? That look.

Uh-oh.

She can't breathe.

For God's sake, take her shirt off, stat.

This doesn't bother you,

does it?

I mean, with her passed out like that next to you.

Oh, please, I toured withthe Stonesin '71.

So, what do you do here?

I'm the fashion editor.

Oh, you decide what's in and what's out.

That's right.

It's like the whole world's my high school.

You know,

I have always gone crazy

for clothes.

When I was a kid, I used to change

three, four times an hour.

Today, that's called obsessive-compulsive.

Back then, I was just being Diana Ross.

You know, when I was a girl,

I used to love putting on my party dresses.

The way they'd twirl,

and how I could lift them over my head.

Oh, where did that little girl go?

I think I saw her at the Christmas party.

So Nina, how did you start working here?

Well, of course,

you know that I was a top model in the '70s and '80s.

Uh...

Well, I was!

It was during a break from the rigors of modeling

that I decided it was time to reinvent myself.

Ahoy, matey.

Come aboard and reel in a whale of a deal.

You're not wiggling your tail.

What?

You're a mermaid. Work the tail.

Ahoy, matey.

Come aboard and wheel in-

Nina?

Is that you?

Oh, Jack Gallo. What a surprise.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I'm thinking about buying a boat.

My lawyer says it ain't cheating if it's in international waters.

Mermaid.

So how's business?

Never better.

I just spent five grand

on this thing called a fax machine,

and I can't wait for someone else to get one.

Mermaid!

Well, take care.

Mermaid, quit yapping and start flapping.

Nina, what's going on?

What are you talking about?

Well...this.

Oh, this...

Ha, well, Lord knows.

I have worn some pretty silly clothes

on the runway

before.

Yeah, and there's certainly no shame

in promoting quality marine products.

Oh, God, Jack! I have a flipper.

It's okay.

No, it's not okay.

This is the best job I've had in months.

Oh, everyone has slumps.

Oh, it's way past a slump.

Last week, I was sawed in half at a kiddie party.

How do they do that?

Well, things will turn up,

and surely you must've saved money, right?

I am a fashion model with an addictive personality

in a fish suit.

What do you think?

Nina...have you ever considered

crossing over

to the other side of the camera?

You mean, death?

No.

We may have an opening in our fashion department,

and I've always admired your sense of style.

Well, usually.

That's it! You're out of the tractor show.

Cram it, Popeye.

I just got back a little thing called dignity.

And I've been here ever since.

Wow.

That's quite a story.

Is that the Statue of Liberty?

Oh, this?

Yeah, it's my good luck charm. I never go anywhere without it.

Wow,

it reminds me of a really wild bicentennial costume party

back in '70...something.

I went as the Statue of Liberty,

and this guy in a Jimmy Carter mask said,

"I have lust in my heart for you,"

so we had a quickie in the coat room

and split without ever knowing who the other one was.

Where has all the romance gone?

Well, here you go.

Keep it.

Well, I'm all done here.

Be careful standing up.

Ah, good one.

Maya, I'm ready for you to take another look at this.

Hey, Shannon,

can I ask you a difficult question?

Probably. You're really smart.

How did you get this job?

What do you mean?

How did you meet Mr. Gallo?

Well, I was bartending at this big party

that my friend Judy was supposed to do,

but she got sick on Thai food,

and I got my purse stolen with all my money in it,

not to mention a Swatch that my boyfriend gave me

right before we broke up

because some pizza guy hit on me.

Shannon, focus.

Short sentences.

All my money was stolen. Uh-huh.

I started to cry.

Mr. Gallo and his daughter gave me a ride home.

That's his wife.

Oh, that's a relief.

Anyway, he offered to give me the money that I lost,

but I told him I couldn't accept that,

so he offered me this article,

which pays the exact same amount.

Amazing, huh?

He really saved me.

Well, sometimes,

he does surprise you.

Hey, Maya, I just got back from a meeting

and heard you passed out. You okay?

I'm fine.

You sure?

There's a photo going around with you foaming at the mouth.

I'm fine.

Hi, Mr. Gallo.

Hey, Shannon. How's that article coming?

All finished.

800 words, which was really hard without using any of them twice.

Well...

as long as I'm here.

It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Gallo.

People say such nice things about you.

Why not? I'm cuddly,

and once a year,

I float a rumor about profit sharing.

Oh, Mr. Gallo, you forgot to put down your blood type.

B- positive.

That's my motto. That's my blood type.

Same as Maya.

I'm B-negative.

Okay. Here we go.

And rocket ship goes "whoosh."

Hey, that works. I didn't feel a thing.

I didn't do it yet.

What? Ow!

Sorry.

Dad.

Yeah?

I never said thank you.

For what?

For this job.

You rescued me.

Huh?

I didn't realize it until now,

and, I mean, I may not be a mermaid

or an usher or a grocery store guy,

but when you offered me this job,

you rescued me too.

How much blood did she give?

Dad, I'm fine.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

You know... it works both ways.

Did I ever tell you the story

of that crazy bicentennial costume party

I went to dressed as Jimmy Carter?

That was some party.

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪

♪ Keeps bringing me home ♪

♪ It don't matter What I want to do ♪

♪ 'Cause It's got a mind of its own ♪

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪♪

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