Original subtitles

Wow.

Aw...

What have you got there?

It's the new Annie Leibowitz coffee table book.

Hey, look, it works.

I seem to have struck a nerve.

I'm sorry.

Annie's a first-rate photographer,

even if her work isn't all that avant-garde.

I mean, I worked with body paints

for years,

but nobody noticed.

She puts pinstripes on Demi Moore,

boom, everybody goes nuts.

Whatever.

Of course, now I can't even use my own idea,

because people will think I'm ripping her off.

I'm always two steps ahead of her breakthroughs,

and yet people think,

"Where did she get her inspiration from?"

The best 53 bucks I ever spent.

Take a look at this.

Another gift from Doris in accounting?

You should fire her ass. That thing is hideous.

I made it.

You didn't let me finish.

Go on.

You were referring to that beautiful vase,

whereas I was referring to that tie.

My wife gave me this tie.

If I could please just finish one thought.

Ali dragged me

to one of these paint-your-own-pottery places.

You know, it's like an artist's colony.

Next to The Gap?

Right.

Dennis, suddenly, I came alive.

I started with a butter dish, moved on to a salad plate,

and before I knew it, gravy boats, Dennis,

as far as the eye could see,

gravy boats.

I tell you.

The workers at that place were cheering.

How much did you spend?

I don't know, 1,200-1,500 bucks.

The important thing is...

I was creating art.

There. Perfect.

It sure is.

No, Dennis, I mean right here.

I want everyone

to see that under this business suit

lies the soul of an artist.

Can you believe this was inside me

all those years?

That's what it looks like.

Hey, Dad,

I just lined up someone terrific

for this month's celebrity profile.

Really? Who?

Okay, get this-

The angry man of rock and roll, Nick Hewitt.

Oh, no.

Come on, Nick Hewitt, he's a legend.

What, have you guys already done him?

No, but Nina has.

Is someone talking about my affair

with a certain famous rock star?

I thought my ears were burning.

That's the hair dye.

The year was 1973, the place, Mazatlan.

Here we go.

I'm out.

I'll drive.

It's the most romantic story.

I was sitting in a cantina

taking a break from the swimsuit shoot.

Nick walked in

fresh from recording his classic album,

Poker With the Devil.

Our eyes locked.

He strolled over, smiled, and pulled a peso out of my ear.

He came onto you with a magic trick?

No, there was a peso in my ear.

I had fallen asleep on the bar,

and some lousy drunk thought I was a telephone.

After two glorious days,

we parted ways and never saw each other again,

but six months later,

"Nina in the Cantina"

was blasting from every radio in the free world.

You're the Nina from"Nina in theCantina"?

That's amazing.

I know.

This is a great story.

Well, that's what I keep telling everyone.

This is a great angle for my article.

Article?

Oh, man, Finch,

can you believe she's Nina

from"Nina in the Cantina"?

Why not?

It's not like the song's called "Nina in the Think Tank."

Oh, God, this is going to be great.

I have so many questions I want to ask you.

I mean, okay,

how long were you and Nick actually together?

Maya dear, before you get too caught up in all of this-

Oh, Nina, this is perfect,

because really, between you and me,

I just didn't know what angle I was going to take

on this story.

You know, if you want something really juicy

from the world of rock,

listen to this-

Art Garfunkel goes to my gym.

Nina.

All right, all right.

Nick Hewitt and I, well...

we had more than just a casual fling.

When you get right down to it,

that was probably the single most perfect weekend

of my life.

So, what happened?

Why didn't you guys stay together?

Well, at the time, he told me he was crazy about me,

but I thought that it was probably something

he just said to every girl on the road.

And you didn't want to get hurt.

It wasn't until months later when I heard the song

that I learned how much I meant to Nick,

but by then, I was already engaged,

and by the time I was divorced, he was married,

and then when he got a divorce, I was in Est,

and by the time I got deprogrammed-

I'm getting the picture.

You know, what I remember most about him

was the way he cradled my head when he hugged me.

You know, Nina, you're both unattached now.

If you want, I could-

Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't want you

to mention my name to him.

No, I'm sure that Nick has, like, totally gotten over me

by now, you know,

and I don't want to spoil my one perfect memory,

and this way, I'll always have Mazatlan...

And a tattoo that appears to be a Chihuahua rolling a joint.

Nick Hewitt,

I can't tell you what an honor it is to meet you.

And I can't tell you what an honor it would be

to see you thrashing around in my bed.

Excuse me?

It's okay, I've got a couple of minutes

before I have to suffer through another god-awful interview.

Actually, I am your god-awful interview.

Maya Gallo, Blush magazine.

Oh, great.

So...

how are you doing?

Fine.

One question down, nine to go. Make them count.

Okay, let's just dive right in.

Um, many of today's alternative bands

have been influenced-

Oh, bollocks,

not the old alternative music question again.

I've only been asked that a million times, haven't I?

That's okay, I've got plenty more.

Wait, let me guess.

Were you the first to wear leather trousers, Nick?

Will the band ever reunite, Nick?

What does pigeon blood taste like, Nick?

Well, yes,

no, and chicken.

Here, let me save us some time. Here, give me that, have a look.

Boring.

That is boring.

Oh, here's a new one-

"If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"

Um, well, that was just in case

the interview was in real trouble.

Well, in that case, Ponderosa Pine.

Good luck with the story, darling.

Wait, this is really important to me.

I know Nina.

What?

You know, Nina from "Nina in the Cantina" Nina.

You do?

Yeah, I see her every day.

Really? That tall, gorgeous creature?

That's her.

Tell me, did she ever finish that book she was reading?

Hey, check it out.

Annie Leibowitz is getting a show

at the Guggenheim.

Hmm?

Let me see.

Hmm...

good for her.

You know, I just don't get it.

What is so clever

about Paul Newman in a giant bowl of salad?

You have a right to be mad,

and you know what I do when I'm mad?

I smash something.

Go for it.

Dude, not my porcelain cat.

I'm sorry. I'll replace it.

It? It had a name.

Oh, Skittles.

No!

Slippery...

Good God.

What's all the racket?

Nothing, just polishing the heirloom,

and this time, it's not a metaphor.

Hey.

So, is everything set with Nick Hewitt?

Oh, yeah, we totally hit it off. He agreed to the photo shoot.

Great.

I'm going to out-Leibowitz Leibowitz.

Get this-

the angry man of rock as The Incredible Hulk, huh?

Green body paint, torn clothes,

running amok in the Diamond District.

What do you think?

It's...cute.

Cute. Good...

Like a bunny.

No, I mean-

Like a bunny!

Oh, Nina, there you are.

Um...now, don't get angry,

but when I was talking to Nick, your name sort of came up.

What?

Let me explain.

Explain what? How you betrayed me?

Nina-

God, I opened myself up to you.

I trusted you with my innermost feelings,

and this is how you repay me.

He's still crazy about you.

He is?

Yes, and if you want to see him before he goes back to London,

I'm finishing up the interview tonight at Bartini.

Tonight? Oh, that would be fantastic.

Wait a minute.

Are you sure he really wants to see me?

His eyes lit up when I mentioned your name.

Oh, they did?

Wait.

Were there any little blue pills on the table?

Nick, you old dog.

Hello, gorgeous.

And look who I brought

with me.

Hello, gorgeous.

We'll see you back in London.

I'd love to. I'll give you a ring-ting-ting-ting-ting-a-ling.

Who are they?

I haven't got a bloody clue.

You know,

I don't see myself so much as a dreamer, really,

but more...as a person who dreams.

Nick, before we go down that road,

there's something I want to tell you.

In a few minutes, someone is going to be joining us,

someone very special.

No. Yes.

You don't mean...?

Nina in the Cantina.

I can't believe it.

After all these years,

I'm finally going to get to see Twiggy.

Twiggy?

Yes.

You mean Nina. Nina Van Horn.

Who?

Nina in the Cantina.

Twiggy is Nina.

Well, then, why the hell is the name Nina in the song?

That's the only name that rhymes with cantina.

What about Deena, Gina, Xena?

That's impressive.

Oh, my God, we've got to get out of here right now.

Oh, I get you.

You want to pop back to the hotel

and run a little mic check?

No, no,

that's not what I had in mind at all.

Well, well, well... if it isn't Nick Hewitt.

Well, well, well, hello, gorgeous.

Oh, Nick, so much catching up to do.

Where do we start?

Uh, Nina.

There's something in your teeth.

Damn, the one day I eat.

Excusez-moi.

Okay, I know it was a long time ago,

but in 1973,

you had an affair with that woman.

Her name's Nina Van Horn.

She used to be a model.

You guys met in Mazatlan.

Wild sex, romantic weekend,

something about a Chihuahua

rolling a joint...

I'm so sorry.

I can't hear a word you were saying.

I'm completely deaf in this ear.

I'm back.

Hello, gorgeous.

Um, Nina, your mascara's running.

You see what happens

when they don't test this stuff on animals?

That's it. I'm buying a rabbit.

Okay, stick with me here.

Nina Van Horn, model, Mazatlan,

1973, wild sex.

Come on, how could you not remember?

I can't even remember how I got here.

Okay, I know this is a little weird to ask,

but could you, you know, pretend to remember her

just for a few minutes?

Do you mean like a funny little sketch?

Yeah, like a little sketch.

Could I be a pirate?

Back again.

Nick, do you remember that night-

Nina, do you have a watch on? No.

Oh, my God, it's 9:00.

Nick, I promised your manager I'd get you to that...rehearsal.

So soon? What rehearsal?

He wouldn't tell me about it, because it's some big secret,

and you can't bring anyone along with you.

Really? Should I have written something?

You're really late.

So can we get together tomorrow?

I'd love to.

I'll give you a ring-ting-ting- ting-ting-a-ling.

Well, before you go,

could you just give me a hug, you know, like you used to?

Darling, it's the only thing I can do like I used to.

I hope it gives you as much happiness

as your vase has given me.

What the hell is it?

I wanted to create something unique.

So you shot a family of moose?

No, no, nothing like that.

They died of disease.

Don't touch it without a glove.

I don't know what to say.

There's nothing to say. This is my art.

Can you believe this has been inside me

all these years?

Well...you know, it really is something.

The raw primitive expression,

the sense of balance and harmony...

It's very Ralph Lauren.

Stop it. You hate it,

just like I hate that ugly vase of yours,

so admit it so we can burn them both

and call it a day.

But I love your chandelier.

You hate my vase?

You didn't let me finish.

Don't tell me.

Looking for the Sweet 'N Low?

Okay, the good news is

I have two D-cups in my face.

Hey, there you guys are.

We're ready for you in the back.

Pardon me.

Are they here for a shoot?

Yeah.

I'm working on something brilliant, buddy.

Well, don't worry, I didn't feed them.

I know you want them to look hot.

Maya, there you are.

Oh, Nina, listen.

God, I feel so great this morning.

This must be what they call a natural high.

Hmm, different.

Um, Nina,

Nick and I had a long talk in the cab last night,

and although he cares for you deeply,

he can't ever see you again.

What?

Well, when he lost you 25 years ago,

he was so devastated

that he refuses to put himself through that again

if he can't have you,

so naturally-

Why can't he have me?

Uh...

He said it's like... keeping a condor in a cage,

and condors belong to no one.

They need to soar.

All right, that's it. I'm calling him.

No, you can't. He's gone.

Um...

He was so afraid

that he would cave in to temptation

that he booked the first flight back to London,

but as they were closing the hatch,

he fought his way past the attendant

and yelled to me over the roar of the engines,

"Tell Nina we'll always have Mazatlan."

That's the most beautiful thing

I've ever heard.

It is?

Isn't it?

So, are you going to be okay?

Yeah, I-I suppose,

but when I think of that poor sweet man

all alone in that airplane...

Hey-ho.

So far away and so sad...

Licorice.

Come here, come here.

What, what, what?

What is Nick doing here?

I thought you guys were shooting

on location.

Can we get a move on?

Elliott, I need to pick up those proofs...

Nina...what are you doing here?

Picking up the evening wear proofs.

Damn it, I'm blacking out again.

What are you shooting?

Uh, "Bachelor of the Month...

Throughout the Ages."

So...great to see you. Thanks for stopping by.

Bye-bye.

Good morning.

Okay, all right, everybody in place?

All right.

I'm not going to take any chances.

I'm going to barricade this door until this shoot is over.

Silly me, I totally forgot-

Nick.

Hello, gorgeous.

Nick, you came back.

I knew you'd change your mind.

Yes, I'm a condor, but so are you.

We can soar together.

Have you gotten into my little blue pills?

I know you're scared.

I'm scared too.

You know, Maya told me all about how you-

Nina, Nina, dear.

Okay, let's do this.

I know how much Nick means to you,

and I don't want to see you get hurt,

but the truth is he doesn't remember you.

What?

I'm sorry.

Oh.

Nina...

Is that true?

You don't remember me?

No, gorgeous, I don't.

What, have you fried so many brain cells

that you can't remember the most romantic,

the most beautiful experience of my entire life?

Good God,

have you forgotten how we made love

outside in a hammock,

and we didn't care if the whole world saw us?

Hammock? I remember you now.

Oh, I knew it would come back to you.

You're that crazy bird what shagged our bass player.

Bass player?

Yes, the poor old sod's been pining after you for years.

He said you were the one that got away.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

I would never sleep with a bass player

unless I was bombed out of my mind.

Oh.

I bet he'll get on the next plane.

I'll give him a ring-ding-ding-

ding-ding- dingy-dingy-dingy.

You-you mean he didn't sing at all?

What difference does it make?

You said it was the most beautiful weekend

of your life.

That's when he was a lead singer,

not a bass player.

Well, he did play a little tambourine.

All right, everyone back to work.

Here we go.

Okay, now, Nick,

that's it, give me a growl.

Perfect, perfect.

This shot is breakthrough.

This is gonna win awards.

Why not? This same shot worked for Annie Leibowitz.

Do you remember that, Marcel?

Hey.

Hey.

You're okay?

Oh, yeah, I'll be fine.

I'm really sorry. This is all my fault.

No, you were just trying to help.

It was sweet of you.

I just can't believe I'm not"Nina in the Cantina."

Big deal.

You're Nina Van Horn, and that's better.

You're a beautiful, interesting woman,

and you don't need some idiotic song

to prove that you're special.

You know what? You're right.

Besides, I'm still Rick James'"Super Freak."

♪ She's a super freak Super freak ♪

♪ She's super freaky, yow ♪

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪

♪ Keeps bringing me home ♪

♪ It don't matter What I want to do ♪

♪ 'Cause it's got A mind of its own ♪

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪

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