Original subtitles

Hey, Dad.

Allie, relax.

I'll talk you through it.

There's no reason to panic.

Everything's gonna be fine.

What's wrong?

Allie got her hand caught

in the VCR,

and to make matters worse,

Hannah's in her crib crying.

Oh, I wouldn't worry.

It's normal to cry

when you realize you're smarter than your mom.

Maya, enough with the dumb wife jokes.

Okay, honey,

first off, very carefully get out of the tub.

Oh...

That's a beautiful sweater.

Oh, this? Thanks.

Present from this guy I've been seeing.

Ah, well, he has excellent taste.

Mm. He's a lawyer upstairs in this building.

Maybe you know him. Tom Youngerman.

Oh, yeah, hell of a guy.

Charming, successful,

recently voted sexiest tax attorney

in his firm,

which, incidentally, sent Marty Weisner out

for another round of hair plugs.

Are we still on for lunch?

See you at 1:00.

Mm...

Yow!

Bye for now.

Nice to meet you!

Uh-huh.

That wasn't what it looked like.

Good, because it looked like you were making out

with your grandpa.

Hmm, that was odd.

What?

The construction workers across the street.

I never thought I'd live to see an all-gay crew.

They're not gay.

They are too!

Okay, let's get started.

Finch, not a word.

Eh? Speak up.

I mean it!

Don't worry.

I'm not gonna say anything.

Come on, let's get to it.

What's first?

Let's see.

Old business?

Maya?

None.

Okay, let's move on to articles. Fine.

I've got an idea for one.

No, you don't. Sex and the older man.

I don't like it.

Sure, you do. You're all over it.

No, I'm not.

Maya, don't be so quick to judge.

Yeah, Maya, perhaps if you wrote it,

you cold give it a new wrinkle.

Yeah.

If you knew the backstory on that,

you'd be rolling.

What's he talking about?

I think I get it.

Dennis here seems to have found out

about my near-lesbian experience.

So if you all must know-

Nina, do you have to bring that up

at every single staff meeting?

Don't judge me.

Getting back to my innuendo.

Finch!

Hey, what is it with you two?

He's alluding to the fact that I'm seeing someone.

What?

Do tell.

Hey, that's fantastic.

Well, you know I have a new neighbor,

a very attractive woman.

Our hands accidentally touched in the elevator, and...

For God's sake, I don't care how hip it is.

You're not a lesbian.

Fine.

We'll talk about Maya.

You got a new squeeze, huh?

So who is he?

No one.

Come on, you should be proud.

This is the type of man who would cash in his war bonds

and take you out for a fine T-bone

at the Cotton Club.

Oh, a black guy.

Hey, that's cool.

I'm down with that.

No, I'm telling you, Benny,

the salad was wilted and the fish was dry.

The only thing French about that restaurant

was their total disregard for their customer.

The window washer's been right outside this whole time

watching me change my stockings.

Oh, thank God he can't see me.

Oh, actually, he's pretty cute.

Dark hair and good build.

Hello, Mr. Clean.

I've been a very dirty girl.

Hi.

Wait!

Let's see how you like this, naughty boy.

Okay, uh...

Hello, Security?

Never mind.

Crowded in here.

Oh, happy day.

Hey, uh, let's sit at the bar.

There's a golf tournament on TV.

You hate golf.

No, I don't.

Well, you never come out

on the course with me anymore.

That's because your bag's too heavy.

Usual.

Usual!

Sea breeze.

Hey, Mack, heck of a day, huh?

Yeah.

Who's leading?

Norman's up by two strokes.

Well, that's the course he loves.

Yeah.

You know what I love?

Young women.

You married, Mack?

Divorced, dating.

Divorced, married.

Hmm.

Did you ever play Pebble?

Oh, just the first eight holes.

I duffed a drive

and threw my bag into the Pacific.

Didn't happen to see my putter down there, did you?

My, oh, my, what you two have in common.

Hey, are those almonds?

Oh, good eye, Dennis.

Mm. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, it's not a problem.

Maya!

Dad! You're here!

Finch said you had a lunch uptown.

Finch make mistake.

This your dad?

Um, Dad, this is Tom,

the man I've been dating.

I thought you were black.

Excuse me?

Could I trouble you for a martini?

Tom Youngerman.

Youngerman? That's an irony, huh?

Jack Gallo.

Glad to know you.

Dad, are you okay?

Me? I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah.

Could I get an ETA on that martini?

You just seem a little weird, that's all.

Now, don't be ridiculous.

I'm totally cool.

Where the hell is that damn martini?

Nina Van Horn?

I'll get her.

Nina! This is Officer McPherson.

He's here to ask you about the window washer.

Hello. Nina Van Horn. Drug-free since '83.

Well, '93.

Try 10:03.

How is that poor, poor man?

Still unconscious.

A few broken bones,

but he's lucky to be alive.

Anyhow, one quick question,

then I'll get out of your hair.

Did you see him fall?

No, no. Wasn't even here.

All right, then. Thanks for your time.

Wait! What's this?

What?

I don't see anything.

It looks like a heart.

Where? That's not a heart.

Yes, it is,

and it's on the outside.

Wait a minute.

First his pants, then a heart.

That's pretty weird.

Well, take care.

Toodle-oo.

Wait!

What about his pants?

Well, when we found the guy, his pants were undone.

Maybe the fall knocked them open.

How could a fall knock open his pants?

Oh, shut up, Elliott. You're not a cop.

Nina, you of all people should know

that pants just don't open by themselves.

You know, he's right. It doesn't add up.

Something strange must've happened.

Well, see you.

Okay, what happened?

Nothing.

Come on, I know when you're lying.

Your artificial septum emits a low-level whistle.

All right, I did it. I'm responsible.

One minute I was flirting with the window washer,

and the next minute-

He jumped?

No, he didn't jump.

Where are you going?

To the hospital.

I should probably bring him something.

How about a shiny balloon that says,

"Sorry I crippled you with my sexuality"?

Good idea. I'll stop in the village.

I have to go out.

I'm in the middle of a crisis.

Ooh, thanks for the tip.

Give me 10,000 shares of Seagram's.

What have you been able to dig up?

That the going rate for a Taiwanese hooker

is 60 bucks,

50 if you can make her laugh.

No, I meant about Maya's boyfriend.

That's why I logged on. Okay.

Maya! What a surprise.

Second time today.

That was quite a display downstairs.

Yeah, well, you caught me off-guard.

I was expecting a black guy, not a gray one.

So how old is he?

He's younger than you.

How much younger?

A month. A month!

Let me get this straight.

You, of all people,

have a problem with me dating an older guy?

No, I-I just don't like you dating a Capricorn.

They're duplicitous.

Oh, come on, I wasn't born yesterday.

Come to think of it,

I was born the same year as your wife.

I'm well aware of the irony here, Maya.

Just do yourself a favor and find someone your own age.

Oh, in other words, do as I say, not as I do.

What? I'm not dating anyone 30 years older than me.

I have very little in common with 90-year-old women.

Other than a fondness forNilla Wafers.

I can't believe you are married to someone half your age,

and we are having this discussion.

Hell, this should be a bonding moment!

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm-

A hypocrite. I know.

No, I-I wasn't going there, exactly.

The point is-

Yeah?

Jack, we got a crisis in Shipping.

Damn it, Dennis,

I'm in the middle of something, here.

There's no time. I'll explain on the way.

We're not done, you know.

What took you so long?

I pushed the little button

30 seconds ago.

I'm sorry.

My bagel was over the little red light.

How dare he.

I mean, where does he get off

lecturing anybody on relationships?

Can't argue with that.

What if Tom is the love of my life?

Don't I owe it to myself to explore that?

You know, Maya,

I think it was, uh, John Donne who said, uh...

"Love all alike, no season knows,

"nor clime, nor hours, days, months,

which are the rags of time."

Wow...Elliott.

Exactly.

Except when it's creepy, like with you and the old guy.

I should've known.

He's too old for you. Based on what?

Based on the number of times the earth has orbited the sun

since he was born.

Thank you for your compassion.

Think about it. You're 30, he's 60.

When you're 40, he's 70.

When you're 50-

I know, I know, he's 80.

No, he's dumped you

for someone who's 30.

See, not only do I feel bad,

but I feel bad for feeling bad,

and that feels bad.

Okay, uh...I have an idea.

Let's try word association.

Here goes.

Boring.

Mundane.

Endless.

Eternal.

Outside of job responsibilities.

Fired.

Enthusiastic.

Better.

Let me ask you something.

Why are you dating this guy?

What do you mean?

I mean, what makes him so special?

I don't know. He's smart and sophisticated and sexy.

You want to hear my theory?

I think you're dating this guy

to get back at your father

for marrying a girl

you went to high school with.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Is it?

Easy-going Jack Gallo,

and you finally found the one thing

that pushes his buttons.

Trust me, I would never date anyone

to get back at my father.

Okay.

And what about you?

Dating a new 20-year-old model every week.

How do you explain that?

In a loud, booming voice to every guy I meet.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm still her father.

I don't know.

How did Allie's father take it

when you married her?

Not well.

But eventually, he accepted it,

just like you'll eventually accept this.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to get a triple shot of cappuccino

before my face hits the floor. No offense.

He never accepted it.

Okay, walk it off.

I never got his blessing.

Well, you showed him. You nailed his daughter.

Maybe that's what this thing is all about.

Maybe I've been lashing out at Maya

because I never got Allie's father's blessing

to marry her.

Dennis, you're a genius.

Get Allie's dad on the phone,

and, hey, that cappuccino's on me.

Ha, ha, it already was.

Hey, Frank. Sorry I'm late.

Jack.

Apparently, I'm usually early.

I don't even know what that means.

Can I get you a drink?

No, thanks.

Uh, cigar? No.

Steak?

Delores is waiting for me.

Oh, send her my love.

What's this all about, Jack?

Well, all right.

Let's just get down to it.

This'll sound a little funny,

but it-it occurred to me, in passing,

that when Allie and I got married,

I never got your blessing.

Well, not ha-ha funny.

Just a formality, really.

Okay, now you go.

Why now?

I mean, it wasn't important to you two

before you got married, so why now?

Well, no special reason.

There just comes a certain point in a man's life-

Jack, I hate to bother you,

but there's something I've got to say, and it can't wait.

I'm gonna break it off with your daughter.

Tom, now is not a good time-

Now, you don't have to say a word.

I saw the look on your face today.

All afternoon I've been asking myself,

what kind of low-life creep

goes after a woman half his age?

You're dating his daughter?

Yes, I am.

I think I'm ready

for that cigar now, Jack.

Tom, this is my-

I got to get the rest of this out.

For hours now,

I've been feeling like a jerk,

imagining what people would say about me.

Cradle robber. Dirty old man.

Pervert. Yeah, thanks.

The bottom line is

if you don't approve, I'll move on.

Tom, I respect that you came to me.

It shows tremendous character,

but I've always felt that love is ageless,

and evergreen.

So don't worry about me.

All that matters is that you treat my daughter right.

You've got my blessing.

Jack, you're a hell of a guy.

Hell of a guy.

Just doing the right thing.

Well, that was very big of you.

In fact, my wife Allie and I

would like to take you two to dinner Saturday night.

I have to take a rain check on that.

Since you're okay with this,

I thought I'd take Maya

up to my cabin for the weekend.

Hell of a guy.

Jeez, Jack, what hurts the worst,

the pounding head,

or the, uh, sharp pain in the stomach?

Really too close to call.

You want to run after that worm

and tell him to stay the hell away from her?

I want to make him cry.

In that case, you have my blessing.

Thanks...

Dad.

Oh, look at you.

You poor thing.

What have I done?

Are you in pain?

Well, let's see what they have you on, hmm?

Oh, you lucky dog.

Why is it they always save the good stuff

for when you can't even dance?

Look, uh, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry,

and, well, I don't care what it takes.

I'm going to stay by your side and help pull you through.

What? What was that?

Oh...Oh, my, my.

It's nice to hear that not everything's broken.

Hmm?

Well, I guess we did get interrupted.

Oh, you like that, huh?

Well, how about this?

Is he here?

Who, your old man? Yeah.

Which one?

Well, I hope you're happy. Tom broke up with me.

I can't believe you told him to end it.

I can't believe he listened.

The man's 60 years old, for God's sake.

Where's his backbone?

Although, men do start to lose calcium at his age.

Would you stop?

And that is not the point.

Sure, it is.

You think I went running to Allie's dad for his blessing?

I couldn't have cared less.

All I care about is her,

and that's the kind of man you want.

Someone like you.

You could do worse.

Perhaps I should consult your three ex-wives on that.

Maybe.

Do you speak jackal?

Jack, we got a crisis in Shipping.

Two men down.

Dennis, I didn't press the little button.

Oh, sorry.

I just thought the little light was burned out.

You know what the worst part is?

Someone suggested

that maybe I was dating Tom to get back at you.

And?

And at first I thought he was crazy,

but then I started wondering,

"God, could I do something like that,

or did I really have feelings for him?"

And now I'll never know.

I'm sorry.

No, you're gonna have to do better than that.

Okay. Earlier today,

I thought I'd figured out why this thing bothered me,

but I hadn't.

Then, as I'm riding up in the elevator,

after telling your friend to stay away from you,

it hit me.

I finally understood how I can be so hypocritical

as to marry a woman half my age,

but not want you to date a man twice yours.

I'm on the edge of my seat.

Because I'm your father, that's why.

Good night, kid.

Oh, uh, do me a favor.

Call Maintenance.

These windows are filthy.

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪

♪ Keeps bringing me home ♪

♪ It don't matter What I want to do 'cause ♪

♪ It's got a mind of its own ♪

♪ Life keeps bringing me Back to you ♪♪

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