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1
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,868
Jack Stiles, what the bloody
hell do you think you're doing?
2
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,309
Sorry, Em,
I didn't see you there.
3
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,279
Well, can't you wait
until I'm done?
4
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,678
Well, I'd love to,
but nature calls,
5
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,410
and the last time you
caught me over the sink,
6
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,746
you almost
had a heart attack.
7
00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:20,581
Very well.
At least close your eyes.
8
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,213
Hey, that goes for you, too,
sister. I wouldn't wanna scare you.
9
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,688
(FEIGNING LAUGHTER)
10
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,424
Remind me to put a
litter box out for you.
11
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,690
Hey, why don't you put a bowl
of food out while you're at it?
12
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,061
There's nothing to eat
in this dump.
13
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,430
Yes, because it was your turn
to buy the groceries.
14
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,991
Well, you always hate
everything I buy.
15
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:37,400
Yes, well,
you do that on purpose
16
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:38,994
so that I do all the work,
don't you?
17
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,437
No comment.
18
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,099
Have you finished yet?
19
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,906
Relax, will you? A certain morning
condition has to be unrectified
20
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,571
before things get flowing.
21
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,706
(SIGHS) Besides, what's
the rush? It's Sunday.
22
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,445
Yes, but you know what they
say. A spy's work is never done.
23
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:55,647
Yeah. All work and no play
makes Jack a dull boy.
24
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,780
Sorry, Jack.
25
00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,653
We received a secret
communiqué last night.
26
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:02,627
It seems my very own King George
III is arriving from England today.
27
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:03,719
Oh, that's great.
28
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,255
Now we get to spend our Sunday
babysitting a royal pain.
29
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,458
(SCREAMS)
30
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,866
(LAUGHING)
31
00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:15,904
Put these over there.
32
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:17,700
Straight ahead.
33
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:21,509
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) It is
true. King George is coming.
34
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,811
Napoleon asked
that I invite His Majesty
35
00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:26,784
to discuss a possible
peace accord with England.
36
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,788
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) We did not
want word of his visit getting out.
37
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,756
For his own protection.
38
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,252
Emilia, my dear,
39
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:37,092
perhaps you have an idea why
he is called "Mad King George"?
40
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:40,390
No, I'm not so sure. Perhaps
he has a bit of a temper.
41
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,492
Well, if I was a stuffy Brit,
I'd be mad, too.
42
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,332
(STOMPS JACK'S FOOT)
43
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:45,933
(FANFARE)
44
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,173
His Majesty,
the King of England.
45
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,543
(CROWD GASPING)
46
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,275
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
47
00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,713
His Majesty,
King George III.
48
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,615
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
49
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:05,951
Okay, ollie, ollie,
oxen free.
50
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,650
(HENS CLUCKING)
51
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:12,094
Quite frankly, this ship has the
most comfortable feather beds.
52
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,696
What's another word
for "mad"?
53
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:15,961
Insane.
54
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:17,767
Unbalanced.
55
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,466
Lunatic.
56
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:21,805
(EXCLAIMING)
57
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,078
A few crumpets short
of a high tea.
58
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:31,145
What an adventure!
Chooks, crowns and coronets.
59
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,548
(CLUCKING)
60
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:44,260
(SINGING) In 1801,
the Revolution had been won
61
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,321
And Uncle Sam's favorite son
62
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,196
Had a job he needed done
63
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,202
Which brought Jack to a lady
64
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,204
Both beautiful and smart
65
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,263
Who found his mix intriguing
66
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,331
A scoundrel with a heart!
67
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,074
From the Halls of Montezuma
68
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:03,843
To the shores of Tripoli
69
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,147
There was never
a leatherneck braver
70
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,914
A daring dragoon is he!
71
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,818
He'll halt the bold advance
72
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,948
Of Napoleon's attack
73
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,255
There ain't a French
or pirate rogue
74
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,989
Who don't know Jack!
75
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,059
From the Halls of Montezuma
76
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,101
To the shores of Tripoli
77
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,099
Sailin' 'round
the bloody world
78
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,865
To defend democracy
79
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,203
And when ya need
a fightin' man
80
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,866
To trust or watch your back
81
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,173
Just ask the bloke
right next to ya
82
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,337
Damn right!
83
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,176
It's Jack!
84
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:41,119
Lower the drawbridge.
You are surrounded.
85
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:46,056
Never. This castle shall never
fall, you godless heathens!
86
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,389
Would you pass me the gravy
boat, please, young man?
87
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:50,486
Yeah, sure, if you pass me
some of what you're having.
88
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,087
(WHISPERING) Pig!
89
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,827
Oh. Perhaps this moat
will change your minds.
90
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,564
(FEIGNING SOBBING) Oh!
Oh, no. No, not the moat!
91
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,129
(KING GEORGE GURGLING)
Not the moat.
92
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,537
Well, that'll keep you out.
93
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:09,610
How about something that'd
keep the little voices out?
94
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:12,651
I'm sure His Highness is simply
using his time away from the throne
95
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,085
to unwind, let loose.
96
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:17,918
That's funny. I let loose
when I'm on the throne.
97
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,618
(WHISPERING) Pig.
98
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,118
(CUTLERY CLATTERING)
99
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,061
What a lovely diamond.
100
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:30,567
Yes, it was a gift from my
husband upon our engagement.
101
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,267
He is, believe it or not,
a man of occasional taste.
102
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,542
Your Majesty.
Oui, oui?
103
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,475
Before the peace talks begin,
104
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,215
we have a little surprise
for you.
105
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:46,774
(EXCLAIMS)
106
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,480
I love surprises.
107
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,920
(LUCIANNI SINGING
LONG, HIGH-PITCHED NOTE)
108
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,892
What, can't hold
your liquor?
109
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,468
Everyone, meet Lucianni.
110
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,443
(EXCLAIMING)
111
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:16,346
My wife informs me that you
are a great fan of the opera.
112
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,213
And so,
to commemorate your visit,
113
00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:22,015
we have engaged the most
renowned tenor in all of Europe
114
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,386
to perform
a very special opera.
115
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,149
One I have written myself.
116
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,991
(EXCLAIMS)
117
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,555
I simply love opera.
118
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,762
The opera is, in fact, based on the
life story of Governor Croque, monsieur.
119
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:41,230
Croque Monsieur
is my favorite sandwich.
120
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:43,707
Not Croque Monsieur.
Governor Croque.
121
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:44,800
Oh.
122
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,572
What sort of sandwich
is that?
123
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,238
I'd say baloney.
124
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:52,274
Hmm. Well, your opera
sounds delectably delicious.
125
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,549
Perhaps you would let me
have a premature perusal?
126
00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:00,154
Now, now, now, we wouldn't
want to spoil it for you.
127
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:01,920
The only thing
you need to know
128
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:05,293
is that Lucianni
will be playing moi.
129
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:06,858
Eh?
130
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,696
(CUTLERY CLATTERING)
131
00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:11,395
And you are all invited.
132
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:12,563
(CLEARING THROAT)
133
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,970
Well, there goes
my Sunday night.
134
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:20,041
Oh, inclement weather.
I think it's going to rain.
135
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,309
Hurry up!
136
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,644
(SNORING)
137
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:25,982
Wakie, wakie, Jack.
138
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:31,479
Oh, can't a guy get a
little Monday R and R?
139
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:32,581
Look.
140
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,957
(MACHINE BEEPING) I've just made
this device for detecting metals.
141
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,997
And it just located a
bracelet I lost months ago.
142
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,828
Oh, that's so great.
143
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,529
Now I can sleep at night knowing
you're fully accessorized.
144
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,768
This is going to enable us
to find hidden weaponry.
145
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,808
Wow.
Stolen treasure.
146
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,036
Oh, boy.
147
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,805
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
148
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,540
What have we here?
149
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,614
Pilfered cutlery.
150
00:06:57,683 --> 00:06:59,048
Pilfered...
151
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,877
Really, Jack.
152
00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:05,287
Must I check your pockets every time
we lunch at the Governor's mansion?
153
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:09,655
Well, hey, I was just hiding the
knives from that crackpot King of yours.
154
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:12,596
I've had just about enough of
your joking at the King's expense.
155
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,292
He's a brilliant leader.
He's just...
156
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,527
Wacko?
157
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,296
I was going to say
eccentric.
158
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,861
Well, fine. Then he doesn't need
us around to cramp his style.
159
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,999
Oh, please. Do you really think
the King's here to discuss peace?
160
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:26,636
Until we find out the truth,
we'd best keep an eye on him.
161
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:27,804
Okay.
162
00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:36,153
Where could he have gone?
163
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:38,417
Probably to join the
circus. Jack, be serious.
164
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,755
All right, all right,
now think.
165
00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:44,662
Wait a minute. He said he wanted
to watch that prima donna rehearse,
166
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,721
which could mean
only one thing, sister.
167
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,504
(SNICKERS) Looks like rehearsal's over.
168
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,404
Good.
Well, that's a wrap.
169
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,705
Where do you think
you're going?
170
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:01,178
Look, I gotta tell you. Theater's
no place for a real man, okay?
171
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,681
This is for sissies
who prance around in tights.
172
00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,341
Sounds like your day job.
173
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,751
For your information, they are
not tights and I do not prance.
174
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,845
I swagger.
175
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:11,219
Oh, is that what
you call it?
176
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,416
Okay, look...
177
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,982
(DOOR OPENING)
178
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,460
CAMILLE: Right this way,
Lucianni.
179
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,956
We'll be quite alone
in here.
180
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,628
(CHUCKLING)
181
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,193
I want to discuss
the plan for tonight.
182
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:28,297
(CLEARING THROAT)
Plan? What plan?
183
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:34,142
Oh, don't mind Pierre.
He's only my personal guard.
184
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,975
He wouldn't dare say anything to my
bumbling husband or his imbecile captain,
185
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:40,644
would you,
mon petit éclair?
186
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,680
Now, are you sure everything
will go as planned?
187
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,555
Oh, sí, seòora.
188
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:52,423
When I hit my high note tonight,
the King is sure to enjoy
189
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,227
a killer performance.
190
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,392
Good.
191
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,194
Then, Emperor Napoleon
will capture England
192
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,799
while its people grieve
for their fallen leader.
193
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,571
Oh, my God, Jack, they're going
to kill the King at the opera.
194
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:09,979
I saw an opera once.
195
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,779
I hope they put me
out of my misery, too.
196
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,256
(AUDIENCE CHATTERING)
197
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,433
Oh, Pierre.
198
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:34,030
Have you taken the
precautions I instructed,
199
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,836
should the Dragoon arrive
to ruin our evening?
200
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,137
Mmm-hmm.
201
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,541
(AUDIENCE CHATTERING)
202
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,581
Hello.
Is this the Royal Box?
203
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:48,551
(GIGGLING)
Welcome, Your Majesty.
204
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,084
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
205
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:55,824
(CLUCKING)
206
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,760
(WOMAN GIGGLING)
207
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:11,135
Oh, how exciting.
208
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,478
(SINGING) Here comes the
Governor Everyone make way
209
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:23,352
No man could be virile as me
210
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:25,985
Hey, what'd you
bring that for?
211
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:27,753
(WHISPERING) We can find
the assassin using this.
212
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,317
It should lead us
straight to the weapon.
213
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,488
(WHISPERING) Not bad, sister.
Okay, now we'll split up.
214
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,089
You take the back section.
Search any suspicious characters.
215
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,157
I'll take the front.
Okay.
216
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,736
(WHISPERING)
Oh, Emilia.
217
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:43,269
If you go through the lobby,
get me some popcorn.
218
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:44,702
Not too much butter, though.
219
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,506
(AUDIENCE SHUSHING)
220
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,213
(SINGING) See how his
very presence does impose
221
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,777
He looks great
in white hose
222
00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:59,086
Check out my tushy
223
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:00,783
He's really trim
224
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,587
ALL: We all admire him
225
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,760
Excuse me, pardon me.
Coming through.
226
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,099
(AUDIENCE MUMBLING
INDIGNANTLY)
227
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,766
Let me see that.
You're lucky.
228
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,642
Hey, buddy, you packing, huh?
Let's see what you got.
229
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:23,375
(SINGING) Croque is our
hero! Croque is so brave!
230
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:27,215
Don't be afraid
I'll nab that knave
231
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,913
(MACHINE BEEPING)
232
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,722
What's under there?
233
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,019
(MAN GRUMBLING)
234
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:34,457
You ought to see
some of these.
235
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:39,828
(SINGING) Tell me, how can
he be so young and fair?
236
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,130
What a thick head of hair
237
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,599
What's in here, huh?
238
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:46,830
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
239
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,100
Eureka!
240
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,132
(BEEPING STOPS)
241
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,302
Hi.
242
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:55,611
(GASPS)
243
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,318
You're clean.
244
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,884
(SINGING) He's just the best
there is Creme de la creme
245
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:09,427
Croque is the empire's gem.
246
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,597
Hey, not so fast.
What?
247
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,466
Oh, you thought you could
get away with it, huh?
248
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,663
With what?
249
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,367
No outside food or drink
allowed inside the theatre.
250
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,409
I'll be taking these.
Now beat it.
251
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,603
MAN: You're nuts.
252
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,475
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
253
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,642
Hey. Hey, hey, hey!
254
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:33,344
(MACHINE BEEPING)
255
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,014
Care for a nut?
256
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,024
Between you and the King,
I think I've had enough.
257
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,582
All I turned up
was some loose change.
258
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:44,151
Oh, just enough
for a caramel apple.
259
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,558
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
260
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,201
(AUDIENCE HISSING)
261
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,999
You know,
everyone's a critic.
262
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,097
Oh, there, there.
Art often imitates life.
263
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,074
(KING GEORGE CHORTLING)
264
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,539
(YELLING)
265
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,807
Don't touch me. Don't
touch me, I'm the King!
266
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,474
(ALL CHATTERING)
267
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,179
(KING GEORGE YELLING)
268
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:13,089
Jack, we're running out of time and
we still haven't found the weapon.
269
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,683
So much
for my brilliant plan.
270
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,627
Nothing personal, Em, but this
gizmo of yours is worthless.
271
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,222
(MACHINE BEEPING RAPIDLY)
272
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,862
Hey, you hear that?
273
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,828
Sounds like your machine.
274
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:28,403
(BOTH GASP)
275
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,101
Oh, son of a gun.
276
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:35,874
Gotcha!
277
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,058
Looks like the assassin has
stepped out for refreshments.
278
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:51,961
Well, it's refreshing
that he left his gun.
279
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:56,294
Well, unless they sell bullets at the
snack bar, I'd say we've been duped.
280
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,830
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
281
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,436
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
282
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,311
(SINGING) I'm so ugly and I'm so weak
283
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:14,682
So ashamed
I can hardly speak
284
00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:18,280
Am I embarrassed?
Don't even ask
285
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:22,054
I'm just a wimp
hiding behind a mask
286
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:25,392
(CHORUS) He's not
daring and he's not bold
287
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:29,161
We can't believe
that the Dragoon's so old
288
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:32,398
He's so puny
and he's so meek
289
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:36,237
Just listen close
and you can hear him squeak
290
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:37,836
Squeak?
291
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,944
Oh, if I wasn't a
public figure, I'd sue.
292
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,105
(SINGING)
... better off dead
293
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:44,149
JACK: That's not funny.
That casting is libelous.
294
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,616
(SHUSHING) Okay. Okay,
who produces this crap?
295
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:50,451
(SINGING) What made him think
he was a match for Croque?
296
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,990
(CHORUS) What a disgrace
he's such a chump
297
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,392
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Take off the
cape You'll probably find his hump
298
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,987
ALL: Le miserable
299
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,691
Can't carry a tune
300
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:05,760
We're all fed up
with the boring
301
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,571
Dragoon
302
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,470
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
303
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,103
Oh, my God!
304
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,147
The gun's on stage. That's
how they're going to kill him!
305
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,740
Em, you're right.
It's a direct shot.
306
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:20,950
(SNICKERING)
307
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,113
Never leave home
without it.
308
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,482
(SINGING)
Present arms
309
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,550
Their guns are raised!
Yeah, yeah.
310
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:31,152
(SINGING) Ready
311
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:34,794
(GASPING)
312
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:37,962
What...
313
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,902
(SINGING) Aim
314
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:43,832
What's the matter?
315
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,002
I think
I have stage fright.
316
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,846
(JACK LAUGHING)
317
00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,948
(SINGING) Fire!
318
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,197
The Dragoon.
319
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,031
(CHUCKLING)
320
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,968
Well, now
I'm a hardened criminal.
321
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,302
The Dragoon! Get him!
322
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:16,901
Well, you heard him.
323
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,637
No, no, no!
324
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,737
The one
who is not tied up!
325
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,179
All right.
326
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,309
Sorry I'm not very good
at death scenes.
327
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,078
(BOTH GRUNTING)
328
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,051
Oh, but you're not bad.
329
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,489
(GRUNTING)
330
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,323
Oh, take a bow.
331
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,532
(GRUNTING)
332
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,002
(GRUNTING)
333
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,544
He's ruining my plan!
334
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,808
He's ruining my opera!
335
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:03,353
Pierre, get down there!
336
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:04,855
Brogard, get down there!
337
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,413
Oui, Governor.
338
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,296
Oh, this is better
than the play.
339
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,699
Do it again!
340
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,165
Oh, trying to
upstage me, eh?
341
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,409
(GRUNTING)
342
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,002
(JACK LAUGHING)
343
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,976
(PULLEY SQUEAKING)
344
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,650
I always knew
I'd bring down the house.
345
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,054
(PIERRE GROANS)
346
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:50,198
Don't quit your day job.
Now beat it, loser.
347
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:51,668
(WHIMPERING)
348
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,737
As for you,
one move and I'll pop you.
349
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,241
Au contraire.
350
00:17:57,309 --> 00:18:01,006
The opera is never over
until the fat man sings.
351
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,776
(SINGING HIGH NOTE)
352
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:26,838
You said
it was a real diamond!
353
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:29,836
(SOBBING)
354
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:31,565
What a beauty!
355
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,439
(GROANS)
356
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,381
(AUDIENCE SIGHING)
357
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:51,518
Bravo! Encore, sir!
Encore!
358
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,309
They love me.
359
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,343
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
360
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,017
MAN: This way, Pierre.
361
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:21,718
Hey.
362
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,718
How wonderful!
363
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:26,420
(BOTH SOBBING)
364
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,002
Don't let him get away!
365
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:33,902
Got to go!
366
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,334
Again.
367
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,077
Captain Brogard.
Arrest this man.
368
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,311
BROGARD: On what charge,
madame?
369
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,350
Attempted murder.
370
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:46,884
(ALL GASPING)
371
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,057
You'll never work
in this town again!
372
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,597
(MUFFLED CRY)
373
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,531
You could not do me justice.
374
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,729
You are a talentless hack.
375
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,174
Your Majesty.
376
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:13,409
Hope you enjoyed your stay,
Your Royal Crackpotness.
377
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,968
(WHISPERS) Jack.
Oh, that's quite all right.
378
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,072
I take it as a compliment.
379
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,514
Your Highness?
380
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,452
I once played chess with
Napoleon, and learnt one thing.
381
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:25,547
He only moves if he thinks
he can predict your response.
382
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:29,253
If he believes you are
unpredictable, he won't move at all.
383
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:33,494
(KING GEORGE CACKLING)
384
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:34,964
Well, what do you know?
385
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,467
I knew it all along,
the big faker.
386
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,067
WOMAN: I love you, too!
387
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,900
Bon voyage!
388
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,304
(WHOOPING)
389
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:45,469
Bon voyage!
Bon voyage!
390
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,040
Well, I suppose
there is a fine line
391
00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,138
between madness
and genius.
392
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:52,877
Hey, since I went
to your stuffy opera,
393
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,350
you're coming with me
tonight.
394
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,546
Dare I ask where?
To a cock fight.
395
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:58,453
I got 10 bucks
on a rooster called Pecker.
396
00:20:58,523 --> 00:20:59,615
Pecker?
397
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,318
Oh, my dear Jack,
398
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:04,391
everyone knows that Pecker
is expected to lose
399
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:06,795
three-to-one
to my personal favorite,
400
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,389
Feathers Graciano.
401
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,958
Well, yank my doodle,
you're a sports fan. Hmm.
402
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,594
Hey, care to put your money
where your mouth is?
403
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:14,298
Yes, but don't
come crying to me
404
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,273
if your Pecker
doesn't perform in public.
405
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:18,605
JACK: (CHUCKLING)
Wouldn't be the first time.
406
00:21:18,655 --> 00:21:23,205
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