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1
00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:05,827
Oh, you see.
2
00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:08,567
I'm only gone a month, and half
the country falls to the French.
3
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:11,439
Indeed. And if you'd had only graced
the dinosaurs with your presence,
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,069
you could've prevented
their extinction.
5
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:16,240
(GROANING) Hey, Billy, say
hello to your ma for me.
6
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,646
Can we go now?
7
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:18,979
Oh, come on, now.
8
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,543
I don't bitch when you
drag me to those upscale,
9
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,181
uptight, upturned-nose dinner
joints of yours, now do I?
10
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:25,417
Say, baby,
11
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:27,187
two Buttery Nipples,
and make it snappy.
12
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,955
BARMAID: Coming up.
That's it.
13
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,758
I agreed to share a drink
with you, Jack,
14
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,661
not watch you fondle
the tavern maid.
15
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,565
Oh, relax, Em.
It's the name of a drink.
16
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:36,959
(CHUCKLING)
17
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,902
What exactly do we
have to celebrate?
18
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:42,339
Do you really think Napoleon's acquired
Louisiana to build a summer home there?
19
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,536
Look, we managed to dump
your tea in the river, sister.
20
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,136
What makes you think we
can't bag a few French fries?
21
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,181
All right, well,
don't come crying to me
22
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,841
when your wax wings melt,
Jack.
23
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,282
Oh, drink your Nipple,
will you?
24
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,411
JEAN-CLAUDE: (SQUAWKING)
Barmaid, bring me a whiskey,
25
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:55,545
and make it a double.
26
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,681
Hey, I'd know
that squawk anywhere.
27
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,657
I never thought
you'd be fowl enough
28
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,457
to frequent such a disreputable
establishment, Jean-Claude.
29
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,054
Oh, I cannot help it, madame,
30
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,998
I seem to have an unquenchable
thirst for sex on the beach.
31
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,092
(JEAN-CLAUDE BELCHING)
32
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:10,898
(LAUGHING)
That's another drink, Em.
33
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:11,959
It is?
34
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:14,063
Look here, do you have
a message for us, or not?
35
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:17,075
The American Secretary of
State will be arriving tomorrow
36
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,771
with an offer to purchase
Louisiana from the French.
37
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,076
I told you the old Red, White
and Blue would come through.
38
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:26,312
Your mission is to protect the
secretary while he is in Palau-Palau.
39
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,512
Bottoms up!
40
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:28,815
(SLURPING)
41
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:29,946
(BELCHING)
42
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,786
Vive la resista...
43
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,793
Oh. He's gonna be feeling
that in the morning.
44
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:40,423
I can't imagine all these
troops are assembling
45
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,127
for the arrival
of a French ambassador.
46
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:43,567
Maybe he's got
a lot of luggage.
47
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:44,762
Good morning, Governor.
48
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,499
Emilia, my dear.
49
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:50,207
Mon Dieu, you must not
leave my sight today.
50
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,005
I am feeling
very faint.
51
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,545
Oh, what on earth
is the matter?
52
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,104
Yeah, you're looking a little
green there, Croquey. What gives?
53
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,308
He is coming.
54
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:58,407
He?
55
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,846
Oui, he.
56
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:02,046
He who?
He! He!
57
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,248
Who "He"?
58
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,347
He! He!
59
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:07,018
For the love of God, man, get a hold
of yourself and tell us who he be.
60
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,617
Allow me, monsieur.
61
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:12,131
I present Le Supreme
Empereur de France,
62
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,764
Napoleon Bonaparte!
63
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,029
What?
What?
64
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,802
(PLAYING LA MARSEILLAISE)
65
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,981
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
66
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:35,879
(CLEARING THROAT)
67
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,099
(SINGING)
68
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:56,536
In 1801,
the Revolution had been won
69
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,668
And Uncle Sam's favorite son
70
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,508
Had a job he needed done
71
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,548
Which brought Jack to a lady
72
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,446
Both beautiful and smart
73
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,542
Who found his mix intriguing
74
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,553
A scoundrel with a heart!
75
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,453
From the Halls of Montezuma
76
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,222
To the shores of Tripoli
77
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,560
There was never
a leatherneck braver
78
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,292
A daring dragoon is he!
79
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,231
He'll halt the bold advance
80
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,202
Of Napoleon's attack
81
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,397
There ain't a French
or pirate rogue
82
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:29,305
Who don't know Jack!
83
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,409
From the Halls of Montezuma
84
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,412
To the shores of Tripoli
85
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,448
Sailin' 'round
the bloody world
86
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,177
To defend democracy
87
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,481
And when ya need
a fightin' man
88
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,316
To trust or watch your back
89
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,481
Just ask the bloke
right next to ya
90
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,717
Damn right!
91
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,453
It's Jack!
92
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,721
(NAPOLEON CLEARS THROAT)
93
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:56,962
Gloves!
94
00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,629
(GASPING)
95
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:03,107
(EXCLAIMING)
Napoleon, my dear brother,
96
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,574
how I have missed you.
97
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,135
Have you not lost
a little weight?
98
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,774
I find you as I left you,
laying down on the job!
99
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:15,076
As always, I deserve to be
flogged for my ineptitude.
100
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:16,849
Shall we say
tomorrow at dawn?
101
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,185
Why wait?
102
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,725
(GRUNTING)
103
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,384
(GASPING)
104
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:24,920
Profiteroles. My favorite.
105
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,128
You remembered.
106
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,827
How could I forget?
107
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,496
Uh-uh-uh.
108
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:34,235
What is the sound
little piggywiggies make?
109
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:37,504
(SNORTING)
110
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,845
(MIMICKING PIG SNORTING)
111
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:43,579
(LAUGHING)
112
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:46,014
(MOANING)
113
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,346
Okay, now, that's weird.
114
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:51,145
Chair!
115
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:53,256
GUARD: Yes, Emperor.
116
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,962
How dare you speak!
117
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,435
I'm sorry, Leon. I didn't
know I had to take a number.
118
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,971
What my attaché
means is,
119
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,633
we are your most humble
servants, Emperor.
120
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,743
The pleasure
is all mine.
121
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:21,145
Your entrance was a case study
in the element of surprise.
122
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,950
Precisely. Never let them
see you coming.
123
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,748
In his case, that
shouldn't be a problem.
124
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,224
(CHUCKLING)
125
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:29,984
(GRUNTING)
126
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,294
(GROANING)
127
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,661
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
128
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:36,857
Now, then,
129
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,063
who else would like to
laugh themselves to death?
130
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:41,402
BROGARD: Empereur, if I may.
131
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:44,169
We have prepared a parade
in your honor.
132
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,335
Good.
133
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:52,273
Look how the masses adore
you, my brother. Fabulous.
134
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,680
(CROWD CHEERING)
135
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:56,415
Come on, louder!
136
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:59,720
Come on, louder!
137
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,118
Talk about a captive audience.
138
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,662
(LAUGHING)
139
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,600
Okay, here's the plan.
You get on the grassy knoll,
140
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,466
I'll position myself
in the book depository,
141
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,062
and we'll triangulate that
evil genius to kingdom come.
142
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,608
Don't be silly, Jack.
That would never work.
143
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,041
You're right.
We need a patsy.
144
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:22,548
See how they have come for miles
just to get a glimpse of you.
145
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:26,248
BROGARD: Come on!
Come on! Louder!
146
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,445
Here he comes again. Cheer.
147
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,480
(ALL CHEERING)
148
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:34,752
How about this? I stuff him in a
pillow case, and we have a piòata party.
149
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,762
Oh, Jack. Your overconfidence
is blinding you to the fact
150
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:40,526
that we are pitted against the
most dangerous man on earth.
151
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,002
A beautiful day for croquet, my brother.
152
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,736
Emperor, forgive
our rude intrusion,
153
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,301
but I was hoping to
glean some instruction
154
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,904
from your negotiating
tactics with the American.
155
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,850
In my experience, madame, women
need no assistance in scheming.
156
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,786
But you may watch.
157
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,186
My chance to pull ahead, brother.
158
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,430
Oh, so close. My turn.
159
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,997
Say, Leon, 50 bucks says
you don't make that shot.
160
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,332
Does this peasant
dare challenge me?
161
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:28,106
I must apologize, Jack. I have
always found you very amusing,
162
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,378
but unfortunately I will now
have to execute you at once.
163
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,419
No, I will show
this peasant
164
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,681
that I can rise
to meet any challenge.
165
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,347
Croque, down.
166
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:42,216
Up!
167
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:46,358
Mallet!
168
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,433
(JACK LAUGHING)
169
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:01,778
Look. A cloud
in the shape of an éclair.
170
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,776
JACK: That doesn't
look like an éclair.
171
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,752
No, not that one.
That one there, look.
172
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,151
(SNICKERING)
173
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,926
Say, I smell a rat.
174
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,290
(CLEARS THROAT)
175
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,121
Empereur. Gouverneur.
176
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,527
The American Secretary
of State has arrived.
177
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,434
We are ready
to begin negotiations.
178
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,203
Lead the way, Captain.
179
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,766
Go, horsy.
180
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:33,942
Now, remember, if the conversation
should take an unfavorable turn,
181
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,503
we'll guide it
back on track.
182
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,014
Emilia, don't you worry
about a thing.
183
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,313
Once that Secretary of State
opens his mouth,
184
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:42,684
he'll have that chiseling shyster
eating out of the palm of his hand.
185
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,048
(SOLDIER SOUNDING OFF
IN FRENCH)
186
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,991
Presenting the American
Secretary of State,
187
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,620
Monsieur James Madison.
188
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,866
The Empereur is ready
to hear your offer now.
189
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,067
(CLEARING THROAT)
190
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,203
On behalf...
Enough!
191
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:06,971
Execute him at once!
192
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,377
SOLDIER: Oui, mon Empereur.
193
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,742
On second thought,
wait for me.
194
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:13,683
But, Emperor, you have
not even heard his offer.
195
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:16,517
Nor did he have
any intention of doing so.
196
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:19,956
There is no better trap
than the illusion of civility.
197
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:23,120
You see, madame,
without his chief strategist,
198
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,993
President Jefferson
will be quite unprepared
199
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,862
for my brother's
invasion force.
200
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,630
Which is on its way
to Louisiana as we speak.
201
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,426
Come, Croque.
202
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:39,936
Jack?
203
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,740
Emperor,
might I suggest
204
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:49,618
the secretary may be more
valuable alive rather than dead?
205
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,755
He could be
held for ransom.
206
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,086
And he will be.
207
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,684
No one outside these walls need
know that he's actually dead.
208
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,662
Let the execution begin!
209
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:02,828
Where are you, Jack?
My hands are tied.
210
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:04,335
(MUMBLING)
211
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,642
(EXCLAIMING)
212
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,179
Sacrebleu!
213
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:17,907
(LAUGHS)
214
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,918
Get off your butt, Croque!
215
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,525
(LAUGHING)
216
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,130
(ALL GRUNTING)
217
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,074
JACK: Talk about
a close shave.
218
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,049
Off you go, Jimmy.
219
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,281
Sorry, Emperor. You won't
be getting any head today.
220
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,247
(HORSE NEIGHING)
221
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,222
Pistol, idiot!
222
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:04,820
(GRUNTING)
223
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,402
(GROANING)
224
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:18,470
You do not know how I have
fantasized about this moment.
225
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:21,035
Oh, yeah? Which one of us
was Little Bo Peep?
226
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,110
On second thought,
don't answer that.
227
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:28,279
You must have marbles the size of
croquet balls to crash my soirée.
228
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,719
Wait a minute.
229
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,054
You mean this isn't
the Snagelvitz Bar Mitzvah?
230
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,954
Oy vey,
am I in the wrong place.
231
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:39,698
Brother, may I present
the Daring Dragoon.
232
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,724
Hello.
233
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,531
You won't be so daring soon,
Mr. Dragoon.
234
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:49,232
I shall so enjoy tearing
you to pieces, limb by limb.
235
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:50,768
Off with his head!
236
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,037
Wait!
237
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,343
Before you meet your maker,
you filthy heathen,
238
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,578
I must know.
239
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,121
It has been rumored that you
are the greatest poker player
240
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,918
in the known world.
241
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:06,515
I am?
242
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:07,684
What?
243
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,593
I mean, I am. Yes, yes.
244
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,195
(LAUGHING)
245
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,322
Why do you ask?
246
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,801
Because,
you insubordinate swine,
247
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:21,431
the Emperor Napoleon is
a strategist extraordinaire,
248
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:24,567
and I find it very hard to believe
that you could ever beat him
249
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,668
if he were to accept
your challenge.
250
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,008
Oh, yeah?
251
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,975
I mean, oh, yeah?
252
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:34,386
Emperor, I challenge you
to a game of poker.
253
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:38,253
No! Empereur, no,
please, I beg you.
254
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,992
This man has tortured us
with his insolence.
255
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:46,292
Unmask him.
Then kill him, now.
256
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:50,866
(GRUNTING)
257
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,806
Sure you could,
but then I wouldn't play.
258
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:58,335
And I would die the greatest
poker player that ever lived.
259
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,207
Oh, well.
Off with my head.
260
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,610
Wait! No.
261
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,405
I cannot resist
a challenge.
262
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,883
We will play tonight
at sunset.
263
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:11,520
And for every minute you are
late, I shall kill one child!
264
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,993
(EMILIA SNAPPING FINDERS)
265
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:17,485
Oh, he's still in shock.
266
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,528
I don't know why he's so
upset. I'm the one who got shot.
267
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,533
Yes, well, perhaps
if a certain someone
268
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,569
had listened
to a certain someone else,
269
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,435
that certain someone wouldn't
have been so overconfident.
270
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:28,734
Someone get me
out of here.
271
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,708
Okay, now, hold still.
272
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:35,436
(SHOUTING) Quit giving me
the evil eye, will you?
273
00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:38,210
I don't believe I've ever seen
you quite this jumpy, Jack.
274
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,684
It's just
your imagination, kiddo.
275
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,822
(GRUNTING)
276
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,959
You're scared.
277
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,726
Mr. Devil-May-Care,
World-At-His-Feet,
278
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,665
Broad-Shouldered Jack Stiles
is actually scared.
279
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:58,032
Ha! Only two things
scare me, sister.
280
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,900
Marriage and clown painting.
281
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:01,597
Look, Napoleon!
Napoleon!
282
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,039
(GLASS SHATTERING)
283
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:05,775
All right.
284
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:08,508
There's something
I never told you.
285
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:12,039
The day before I came to Palau-Palau,
I went to a fortuneteller.
286
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:13,948
She told me,
and I quote,
287
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:16,146
"The shrimp will be
the death of you."
288
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,122
I thought she was talking
about the seafood.
289
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,782
Since when did you
become superstitious?
290
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,295
Since I got shot. I've been
dodging bullets my whole life.
291
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,926
Em, look, if I lose, our heads are
gonna be sharing the same basket.
292
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,436
If they expose me, they'll know
that you were in on it, too.
293
00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:35,439
Yes, well, we've shared the risk
since you arrived here, Jack.
294
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,498
Besides, I might be able
to give you a hand.
295
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,373
Now, if you
start to panic,
296
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:42,107
just try to imagine Napoleon
in his underwear.
297
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,546
If you can reach
that state of mind,
298
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,345
nothing will intimidate you.
299
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,252
I will destroy him.
300
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,753
Governor.
My dear.
301
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,987
I will destroy him.
302
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,653
What is he doing?
303
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,597
Poker is a mental game,
Emilia.
304
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:04,602
My brother is preparing
to wage a war of the mind.
305
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:09,773
May I offer my services as
dealer at the gaming table?
306
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:10,968
Fabulous.
307
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:13,273
The Daring Dragoon.
308
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,146
Thanks, Brogie. I would have
come in through the window,
309
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:19,343
but since you were expecting
me, I figured, what the hell?
310
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,319
Alors! Let the games begin.
311
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,219
One round.
Winner takes all.
312
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,496
Discard, gentlemen?
313
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,102
Let me ask you
something, Dragoon.
314
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,103
You wear that mask
so comfortably.
315
00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:42,004
That tells me you are
accustomed to keeping secrets.
316
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:44,542
And do you know what
kind of man keeps secrets?
317
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:47,572
Well, do you? A spy!
318
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,513
Are you a spy, sir?
Well, are you?
319
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:53,148
EMILIA: Mr. Dragoon,
would you care to discard?
320
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,277
You are a spy,
aren't you?
321
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,013
I suspect when we unmask
your dead body
322
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,888
that we shall recognize
your face
323
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,895
as one that's been underneath
our noses all along.
324
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,560
Mr. Dragoon, please.
325
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,029
Take notice, Brogard.
326
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,366
My brother is a master
of the psychological warfare.
327
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:17,467
Admit it!
Admit that I'm the best!
328
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,876
Admit that you're a liar! Admit
I got a cute ass and you like it!
329
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,777
Admit it! Admit it!
330
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,907
Admit it! Admit it!
331
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,918
(DISTORTED)
Admit it!
332
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,414
EMILIA: If you start to panic, try
to imagine Napoleon in his underwear.
333
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,130
If you can reach
that state of mind,
334
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,329
nothing will
intimidate you.
335
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:53,436
(CHUCKLING)
336
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,774
(INAUDIBLE)
337
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,984
You come here to gab
or play cards?
338
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,288
Now, sit down, Nappy,
before I spank you.
339
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,321
(GROWLING)
340
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,095
All right, now,
let me get this straight.
341
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,223
If I win, I get to live?
342
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:15,926
Doesn't sound very exciting.
343
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:19,334
We're talking about your life.
There's no greater stake.
344
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,396
Big deal.
I'm gonna die someday anyway.
345
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:23,703
And if I do it now,
I die the greatest.
346
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,176
You know what?
Screw this. I fold.
347
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:27,712
No! Wait.
348
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:31,272
Very well, I'll raise you.
349
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,943
I offer you my wedding ring,
given to me by Jo...
350
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,917
Given to me by Josephine.
351
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,017
It's priceless.
352
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:43,789
All right, I'm in.
353
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:46,722
Dealer, hit me with three.
354
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:50,661
Three.
355
00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,641
Why are you not
looking at your hand?
356
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:00,973
I can look at my cards, sure.
357
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:03,844
But then you might try and read
my face to see if I'm bluffing.
358
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,907
This way we're both in
for a surprise.
359
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,014
I order you
to look at your hand!
360
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,954
Big talk for a small man.
What else is it worth to you?
361
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:12,755
I mean, I got my ring
and I got my life.
362
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,191
But what good are they
without a place to call home?
363
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,195
Mr. Dragoon, not that I care in the
slightest whether you live or die,
364
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:22,063
but this hardly seems like the
appropriate time to push your luck.
365
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:23,431
No risk, no reward, sister.
366
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,094
You know, I've been thinking
of opening up
367
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,264
a string of alligator wrestling
farms lately, so I'll tell you what.
368
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,740
You pony up the deed
to Louisiana,
369
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,333
you got yourself a bet.
370
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,581
Very well. Deed!
371
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:41,650
(GRUNTING)
372
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,217
Oh, my God, look!
373
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,148
The Ghost of Christmas Past!
374
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:51,162
What?
Ghost of Christmas Past?
375
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:55,358
I don't see anything.
Wait a minute.
376
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:58,396
My mistake. It must
have been a shadow.
377
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,328
I'll call you.
Let me see your hand.
378
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,437
Jack.
379
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:08,970
Two jacks.
380
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,909
Would you believe three?
381
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,719
How do you like that?
Four jacks.
382
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:21,788
(EXCLAIMS)
383
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,227
Four kings beats four jacks.
Off with his head!
384
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:28,824
Not so fast.
I still have one card left.
385
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,468
There's only four jacks
in a deck.
386
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:33,027
You can't possibly win.
387
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,505
That's where you're wrong,
Bonaparte.
388
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,474
You never know
when you'll find a...
389
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,070
jack in disguise.
390
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,509
Joker's wild. The Dragoon
wins with five of a kind.
391
00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:45,947
I shall kill you!
392
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,352
Temper, temper.
393
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,115
(GRUNTING)
394
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,579
(JACK LAUGHING)
395
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:55,525
Pleasure doing business
with you, Emperor.
396
00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:58,392
Oh, Croquey, this is
for the broken window.
397
00:19:58,463 --> 00:20:00,226
What broken window?
398
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:01,766
(LAUGHING)
399
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,534
Oh, my brother!
400
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:06,901
BROGARD: Mon Empereur!
401
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:10,134
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
402
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:15,672
All right now, Jimmy, I want you to take
this deed and give it to the President,
403
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:18,511
and tell him we're not in the
real estate business, okay?
404
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,784
Okay. Keep an eye
on him, Billy.
405
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:24,344
Come on,
Mr. Madison.
406
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:25,583
Do you think
he'll be all right, Jack?
407
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,522
Are you kidding me?
He's an American.
408
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:28,855
There's nothing
we can't handle.
409
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,589
Well, I'm glad to see the
overconfidence has returned.
410
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,130
As obnoxious
as it makes you,
411
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:34,597
you're quite useless
without it.
412
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:36,327
Thank you
for noticing.
413
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:39,962
And thanks for helping me
get it back.
414
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:44,835
A little token
of my appreciation.
415
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,639
Napoleon's wedding ring.
416
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,306
I'll treasure it always.
417
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,348
Wouldn't be fair
not to share my good luck.
418
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,541
Oh, luck, is it?
419
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,217
Go figure.
420
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,953
Lady luck is
an English blonde.
421
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:03,322
You know, Em, all in all, I'd
say we make a pretty good pair.
422
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:06,262
And if we invited guests over
for tea, we'd have a full house.
423
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,355
Punny, aren't I?
424
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,127
Yeah. You even walk
with a shuffle.
425
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:12,496
Hey, you know what happens when
Napoleon goes to the little boys' room?
426
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:14,664
What? He finishes with a royal flush.
427
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:17,834
Ho, ho, ho. You better
laugh, or I'll club you.
428
00:21:17,884 --> 00:21:22,434
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