All language subtitles for Jack of All Trades s01e05 The Dragoon.eng

Mesdames et messieurs,
a toast

to the supreme
empereur de France,

Napoleon Bonaparte,
who in his infinite wisdom

has given the people
of Palau-Palau

a most inspiring gift.

Moi.

Now that's what I call
a French toast.

Would the Emperor
not be outraged

if he knew his own brother
was honoring him

with an American wine?

Yeah, I thought
Napoleon's trade embargo

put the kibosh
on imported hooch.

Oh, it was your men that raided that
supply ship last week, eh, Croquester?

Emilia, your new attaché
is indeed quite astute.

I'll have to take your
word on that, Governor.

I hope you were not too upset
that your little, fledgling

democracy was emasculated
on the open sea, Jacques.

Not if it means free booze.

I'll club him with that day-old
baguette, you find the loot.

Do try to live up
to your name, Mr. Stiles.

Governor,
I humbly offer the use

of my exporting vessels to
ship your bounty back to France.

The Governor has no intention of
parting with his prize, madame.

CROQUE: As you Americans say,

"Finders, keepers."

Oh, I dropped my napkin.

Chivalry's dead.
Get it yourself.

If Monsieur Stiles
were my attaché,

I would string him up
by his ooh-la-las

as a warning to all insolents
wherever they may hide.

Take your head out
and stay a while, Le Pew.

It looks like
you could use the air.

We, British
have a saying, Captain,

"There's more than one way
to crack a nut."

(SPOON CLANGING)

Let me help you
with your napkin.

Oh, thank you.

(WHISPERING)
Leggo my Eggos.

The Governor's life
is in danger.

You're telling me. If he insults the
stars and stripes one more time...

Listen, Jack, that little
girl has been assembling a gun.

You're imagining things.
And I would know.

I took a bullet for Washington
when he was crossing the Delaware.

I cut the string
on Franklin's kite

to keep him from frying
his fat ass.

And you wanna know why?

'Cause I smell danger
wherever it wafts.

Oh.

Okay, it's wafting.

But you still haven't told me
why I should care.

I thought our mission here
was to keep Napoleon

from expanding his influence
into the East Indies.

Croque may be a swine, Jack,
but he is a tolerable swine.

If he were to die,

Napoleon would unleash so
great a fury on Palau-Palau

that our mission would be
rendered impossible.

Not to mention that little
girl would be executed.

Oh, my sense of duty
gives me such a headache.

Annie, more aspic
for my poulet rôti.

MAN: Pass the chicken.

Jack!

MAN: Let's pick up the girl.

Jack.
Go. Go.

Jack?

Splendid party, Governor.

(SINGING) In 1801,
the Revolution had been won

And Uncle Sam's favorite son

Had a job he needed done

Which brought Jack to a lady

Both beautiful and smart

Who found his mix intriguing

A scoundrel with a heart!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

There was never
a leatherneck braver

A daring dragoon is he!

He'll halt the bold advance

Of Napoleon's attack

There ain't a French
or pirate rogue

Who don't know Jack!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

Sailin' 'round
the bloody world

To defend democracy

And when ya need
a fightin' man

To trust or watch your back

Just ask the bloke
right next to ya

Damn right!

It's Jack!

Execute her at once.

JACK: No, wait.

(COUGHING)

It's all right.

No harm done.

What is the meaning of this?

A test.

A test?

A test
of your security system.

Right, Jack?

That's right.

We were just trying
to expose your soft spots.

And I think we've found
the weak link.

I detect an insulting implication
in your statement, monsieur.

I'm sorry. What I meant was,
you're a moron.

And the girl?

A paid accomplice.

For the purpose of
our little demonstration.

(CHUCKLING)

There you go, dear.
Now, run along.

Captain, I think
you could take a hint

from our
American friend, no?

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

Let us have dessert.

After you.

I got to hand it to you, Em.

You were pretty quick
on your feet.

Jack, how precisely
did you end up

with a tray stuffed down
your shirt?

You know the great thing
about being an American?

You can plead the Fifth.

You were stealing
Croque's silverware?

Would you rather
I ask for a raise?

Oh.

JEAN-CLAUDE: Jack, have you
forgotten why you were sent here?

Who wants to know?

Well, who do you think?

I bear an urgent communiqué
from President Jefferson.

You must find
the stolen gold shipment

and send it back to America.

What does he think
I'm doing here?

Oh, I cannot say it
in front of the lady.

You must think we're the
suckers of the spy world, pal.

Why would we take phony orders
from a French carrier parrot?

(SQUAWKS)

Because you're not the only
ones undercover, monsieur.

Vive la résistance!

That is the most loquacious
fowl I've ever encountered.

Hey, look,
there's our little assassin.

No need to thank us, dear.

Give me that.

What is it with you?

You ruined my only chance to
get vengeance on that monster.

Well, what has the Governor
done to you?

My parents have always paid
their taxes.

But this year
my father took ill.

And when they couldn't pay,
they were thrown in prison.

Ah, what's the worst they
could get? A year or two?

Deftly handled, Jack.

Hey, listen. Don't cry,
we'll figure something out.

Besides, your parents
wouldn't want you

putting yourself in harm's
way on their account.

Now promise me that you're
gonna stop these shenanigans

until we figure out
what to do, okay, swinkle?

Okay.

Give me that.

Jack, the way you handled
that little girl was,

well, very touching.

It seems that just when
I have you figured out,

you surprise me.

(CHUCKLING) Are you kidding?

A man will say anything
to keep a woman from crying.

It's like nails
on a chalkboard.

Hey, you don't like the
answer, don't ask the question.

You told that little girl
we'd think of something,

and we just did.

We're stealing the gold back
from Croque, all right,

but we're going to use it
to pay off the people's taxes.

(CLEARING THROAT) Now, I
know you think I'm a louse,

but I would never disobey
a direct order.

And I would never sell out
my own country,

not even
for Little Orphan Annie.

Turn off the faucet, sister.
I wasn't born yesterday.

Well, it was worth a try.

But I won't give up
on this one, Jack.

Wait a minute.
You're a wealthy exporter.

Why don't you just pony up
the cash, moneybags?

I export
local arts and crafts,

but I only keep enough
to maintain my cover.

The real profits
go back to the people.

Well, then, we'll just
have to agree to disagree.

But agree that stealing the gold
is still an agreeable plan, agreed?

Don't make me
use my stuff on you, baby.

I'm showing you how we're
going to steal the money.

My latest invention made from
the sap of a rubber tree.

It's rope
with elastic property.

Oh, yeah, what did you
have in mind?

Will you stop that?
Now, pay attention.

The gold is still at the port.

I will arrange
to accompany the Governor

when he escorts it
back to his mansion.

EMILIA: (VOICEOVER)
Then I'll make a suggestion.

(EMILIA LAUGHING)

It's such a lovely day,
Governor,

why not take the scenic route?

A splendid idea, Emilia.

Pierre, the scenic route.

EMILIA: (VOICEOVER)
That's where you come in.

You'll position yourself at
our predetermined ambush point.

Where just as we pass
under the bridge,

you'll swoop down,
steal the gold

and spring back up to safety.

Well, they say rubber's
99% effective.

You there, halt!

Prepare to die, Dragoon.

How'd you know I'd be here?

My security techniques have
recently been called into question.

I've since learned
to expect the unexpected.

Me and my big mouth.

Arrete!

What have we here?

I've captured the Dragoon,
Governor!

I owe you an apology,
Captain.

It seems your security
measures are second to none.

And now we will find out
the true identity

of this caped annoyance.

I am quite giddy, madame.
How about you?

The suspense alone
could kill me.

You were right, Captain.

Always expect the unexpected.

(LAUGHING)

BROGARD: Get him!

Kill him! Shoot him!

(WHINNYING)

Oops.

Mon Dieu!

En garde!

(SOLDIER YELLING)

BROGARD: Idiot!

In chess, this is what
we call a stalemate.

Yeah? And in Parcheesi,
this is what we call a...

Come to think of it, there's no
such thing as a tie in Parcheesi.

And what does that
have to do with anything?

Well, you brought up the games.
I'm just making conversation.

Then I have a proposition
for you.

Oh?

Let us agree to live
one more day.

Fine by me.

Oh, Captain, don't look now,

but your barn door's open
and your cows are getting out.

(LAUGHING)

Zut alors!

When I agreed to let you train
with my men, Captain,

I expected them back.

Forgive me, Governor, but this
Dragoon made a fool out of me today.

If word spreads
of his existence,

it could galvanize
the people.

Not for long.

And not even the Dragoon
will be able to resuscitate

the peoples' spirits.

Well, that was
a swell plan, brainiac.

Next time, maybe we ought to just
throw a bunch of sharp objects

up in the air
and hope for the best.

If it weren't
for my elastic rope,

the taxidermist
would be stuffing

your thick skull right now
to replace the moose

above the Governor's
fireplace.

Next time, we do things
my way. Capisce?

Oh, and which way is that?

Rattle the cage
and beg for a banana?

Close. We break
into Croque's vault.

Brilliant.
As if we had any other choice.

I'll need to concoct something
to get us past the lock.

(BELL RINGING)

Oh, yeah, I need
another one of your gizmos

like I need a hole
in the head, sister.

Hi. Come on in.

(EMILIA EXCLAIMS)

Give me that.

Are you out of your mind?

You said you'd think of something
to get my parents out of jail.

You gotta learn to manage your
disappointment a little better, kid.

I miss them so much.

Your turn.

There, there, my dear.

Unfortunately, there are
selfish people in the world

who justify their crimes
against humanity

by saying they were
just following orders.

Yes, and there are
other people

whose bleeding hearts
make them forget

that certain things
aren't theirs to give away.

Let's not forget those who
look normal on the outside,

but are, in fact, Lucifer's
minions sent from the bowels of Hell

to torture us.

Then there's the women
who love them.

(SCOFFING)

All we can do is
hope for the best, my dear.

You never know when you'll be
surprised by the kindness of strangers.

Well, this vault should keep
the Dragoon at bay, Captain,

or should I call him
the Flying Dragoon?

Our peasants and their rumors.

I assure you,
we will dispel these myths

when we hang the Dragoon's dead
body next to the Emperor's flag.

Hmm.

(LAUGHING)

You hear that?

You're talking to the Flying
Dragoon. I'm a legend, baby.

I wonder how
that rumor began.

All right, I'm sorry
I made fun of your inventions.

I'm glad you feel that way
because here's another.

Ah, I was wondering when
we were going to play doctor.

By the way, nice outfit.
Who painted it on you?

Can I ask you a question, Jack? Sure.

You were sent here to protect
American interests, correct?

Yeah.

And would you qualify freedom
as an American interest?

Yeah.

So by your own definition, using
American gold to set Annie's parents free

would be tantamount to preserving
democracy overseas, correct?

Oh, of course.

Wait a minute.

Nice try.

That is the strangest clock
I've ever seen.

No, it's the alarm.

Well, we'll just turn it off.

No!

Oh.

Double time it, sister.
We've been made.

(CHUCKLING)

Come on, down the hatch.

My gold!

To the stairs.

Get off.

Just what I want to see.
It's Croque's dirty laundry.

Hey, you still got
that springy thingy?

Oh, you mean the one that
saved your life? Yeah, yeah.

Look, here's the plan.

We're gonna do a reverse
Santie Claus, see?

We're gonna shimmy up
that chimney to the roof,

then swing to freedom
on your rubber hose.

What an appropriate place
to find you, monsieur.

This time your goose
is cooked.

Oh, yeah?

Over my dead salami.

Well, I guess it's cold cuts
for everyone.

Kill him.
No!

He's mine.

(JACK LAUGHING)

Brogard,

I think you have done
quite enough.

Kill the Dragoon!

(JACK LAUGHING)

Well, it seems the Dragoon
has breaded us, Captain.

Perhaps you should take this
opportunity to rethink your strategy.

Here you go, pal.
It's all yours.

And tell the President I'm
not a lost and found, will you?

Em, you're a good sport
for letting me use

one of your ships
to return the gold.

Yes, your country will be
very proud indeed.

They couldn't possibly have survived
without those two bags of gold.

I'll tell Annie the good news.

Oh.

I picked them myself.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't
afford a gift.

These are my parents.

Well, I don't understand.

You were right about
the kindness of strangers.

The Dragoon paid our taxes,

and now my parents are free.

What a guy.

Just do me a favor.

Next time you want
to shoot something,

come on by
and we'll shoot the breeze.

Well, you know how
the shipping business is.

You always lose
10% in transit.

You can't keep track
of every little dollar.

You don't have to say it.
I know I'm wonderful.

It seems you do have a moral
compass after all, Mr. Stiles.

You may not always follow it,
but it's there.

Well, let's just let that be
our little secret, eh?

Incidentally, 10% of the gold
should be more than enough

to free Annie's parents
from jail.

If you're suggesting what
I think you're suggesting,

let me tell you just
how wrong you are

over dinner,

and I'm buying.

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