All language subtitles for I Love You America s01e19 Newsom.eng

‐ Well, Trump is deploying
thousands of armed soldiers

to the border
to stop human beings

fleeing danger
from legally seeking asylum.

WOMAN: As part of Operation
Faithful Patriot,

the Pentagon is sending
more than 5,200 troops

to the Southwest border,
in addition

to the more than 2,000 National
Guard already deployed there.

‐ Operation Faithful Patriot?

That sounds like
a direct‐to‐DVD movie

starring Kevin Sorbo
about an Army Ranger

who uses the power of prayer to
help him gun down brown people.

Good grief.
Operation Faithful Patriot.

It is so pandering.

It's like if you had a TV show
and you called it...

"I Love You, America."
Whatever.

Sending troops to the border
or floating the idea

of overturning
birthright citizenship‐‐

these are just attempts
to motivate his base

right before midterms.

We know it's a ploy
because the caravans

aren't even arriving until,
the earliest, December,

so for about a month,
we're just gonna have, like,

5,000 troops sitting
at the border playing Uno.

Playing Uno is what I call
jacking off.

The only things
this administration

has accomplished
in the last two years

is giving massive tax cuts
to billionaires

and appointing Crying Calendar
Man to the Supreme Court.

Trump knows the only way
that they can energize

their base is through fear.

He riles them up
by starting a fake fight

with a made‐up enemy.

‐ When you look at that caravan
and you look‐‐

of largely, very, you know,
big percentage of men,

young, strong,
a lot of bad people,

a lot of bad people in there,
people that are in gangs.

‐ That's who
they're running from!

These are exhausted refugees
who have walked

thousands of miles to flee
desperate circumstances,

and he is describing them
like they're street toughs

from the "Beat It" video.

He starts fake fights
that he doesn't have to finish,

because he knows,
in one way or another,

someone will finish them
for him.

And that is his starring role

in our current epidemic
of domestic terrorism.

It's how we end up
with 14 bombs to 14 people

he has publicly targeted
over and over again.

A racist shooting in Kentucky.

An anti‐Semitic massacre
in Pittsburgh.

All in less than a week
of announcing

that he is a nationalist.

So next week, you know,
think about voting.

We've gotta vote leaders
into power

that will see through
the fear‐mongering

and the fake panic,
because if it's not immigrants,

it'll be the media,
and if it's not the media,

it'll be some other
made‐up enemy,

or the classic fallback, Jews.

Oh, shit, that reminds me.

I've gotta get ready
for the War on Christmas.

Toodles.

[Psychic Friend's
"We Do Not Belong" plays]

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ Shave it off,
stay alive, open wide ♪

♪ Show us how to conquer first
and then divide ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Don't know if we're
stayin' long, stayin' long ♪

♪ Used to staying weak ♪

♪ And now we're
staying strong ♪

♪ We don't wanna go
where we do not belong ♪

♪ Lonely as the day is long,
day is long ♪

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

‐ Wow.

Good‐looking crowd.
Good‐looking‐‐

Oh. I spoke too soon.

Whether liberal
or conservative,

Democrat or Republican,
Whig or Tory,

Laurel or Yanny...
[laughter]

We can all agree that
a representative government

should actually be
representative of the people,

that every vote
should count equally,

and that those Japanese toilets
that shoot warm water

up your asshole should be
a right, not a privilege.

[laughter and applause]

We send our representatives

to Washington, D. C.,
to represent us.

That's
representative government.

But us, we, aren't actually
being represented.

Every vote is not
created equal.

Just look at the Senate.

Every state gets two senators,
right?

But the ten
least populous states

have an estimated
combined population

of 9.3 million people.

Los Angeles County alone has an
estimated 10.1 million people.

That's just one county
in California.

And yet two senators represent
the whole state,

39 1/2 million people.

Or think of this‐‐
Wyoming has two senators

representing 600,000 people.

New York has two senators
representing 20 million people.

That's like the difference
between a public school

with one guidance counselor
for 4,000 students

and a Montessori school with
three counselors per Skyler.

[laughter]

The idea
of two senators per state

was created as a compromise
to entice

the less populated states
to join the union.

Yeah, that made sense
240 years ago,

but it doesn't make
any sense now.

The reason why the Constitution
is a living, breathing document

is because our forefathers knew
that as our country grows

and changes,
so should our Constitution.

What I'm saying is,
our forefathers could not

have anticipated things
like Twitter or AR‐15s

or even the concept
of a shower.

Things have changed
in 240 years.

Like, no one is named
Thaddeus anymore.

[laughter]

Maybe I'll bring it back.

Maybe I'll my name
my son Thaddeus.

Just kidding, I'm barren.

[laughter]

Major metropolitan areas have
high concentrations

of people of color,
so people of color end up being

wildly underrepresented
in the Senate.

But doddering old white guys,

holy fucking shit,
are they represented.

Have you been to the Senate?

The whole place smells
like Gold Bond.

[laughter]
It really does.

Their balls must hang so low,
but when they go low, we go,

"Hi, look at your balls.
Are those your balls?

They're so low."

Hey, at least we're represented
in the House.

It's literally called
the House of Representatives,

so they must be
representing us, right?

Wrong. Because even though
our population has tripled

since 1911, we still have
the same number

of representatives, 435.

There is nothing sacred
about the number 435.

There's no reason
why it shouldn't change.

If we get more people,
raise the number.

The song used to be
"Mambo No. 4"

until a little bit of Monica
came into his life.

But Lou Bega is a man
of progress.

Now, adding to the problem
with the House

is the unfair drawing
of Congressional districts,

also known as gerrymandering.

Not to be confused
with Jerry Seinfeld‐ing,

which is obviously when
you get an espresso

with Ray Romano in a Model T.

[laughter]

The way things are,
rural America is represented

more than urban America.

More than half of our senators

represent less than 1/5
of the American population.

Plus, D. C. and Puerto Rico
have a combined population

of, like, 4 million people

and have no real
Congressional representation,

and surprise, surprise,
they both have

high populations
of people of color.

All they have
by way of representation

is one delegate,

and that delegate
can't even vote.

These are taxpaying citizens.

Whatever happened
to "no taxation

without representation"?

Wasn't that a thing once?
Did I dream that?

Puerto Rico and D. C. have
the same Congressional

influence as, like,
Yogurt Land.

[laughter]

And then there's
the electoral college,

which has given us
five presidents

who lost the popular vote.

That means five times
the will of the American people

was ignored because of
our weirdo outdated rules.

I'm still so pissed
that Rutherford B. Hayes

became president
over Samuel J. Tilden.

#NotMy19thPresident.

[laughter]

Our system of representation
is screwy.

It needs to be fixed.

Sixty‐seven percent
of Americans support

a ban on assault weapons,
and yet the NRA

and the red state politicians
they pay have prevented it.

Sixty‐eight percent
of Americans believe

corporations who are polluting
the planet should be taxed

to offset the damage
they're doing,

but Big Oil
and the red state politicians

they pay have stopped that.

I mean, 97% of Americans
hate piss on toilet seats,

but, you know...

[laughter]
Big Pee.

Who are the 3% that love it?

This guy.

[laughter]

Good grief.

Supporting an equal say
for all citizens

is as nonpartisan
as supporting the troops.

It's not about red states
or blue states.

One third of the country
is represented

by just eight out of a hundred
members of the Senate.

That includes blue California,
purple Florida,

red Texas, and Jew New York.

[laughter]

They all should have
more senators.

Abraham Lincoln spoke
of a government of the people,

by the people, for the people.

It's beautiful.
It's the ideal.

But unfortunately,
idealism is no match

for the greed
and self‐preservation

by today's politicians.

Of course it benefits
the citizens of the country

to be properly represented.

Unfortunately, it doesn't

benefit the people
sitting in power

when their sole objective
is to maintain that power.

They would rather jump
through hoops

to ignore people
than to hear them.

So what can we do about this?

I know everyone has been
shoving the importance

of voting up your assholes
for months now.

[laughter]

Like a sweet Japanese toilet.

[cheers and laughter]

It is the single most
effective power we have

as citizens, because the only
way any of this stuff happens

is if we elect people
who are committed

to make the changes we need,
like restructuring Congress,

getting special interest money
out of Washington,

getting rid of
the electoral college,

giving statehood to D. C.
and Puerto Rico,

putting an end
to gerrymandering‐‐

oh, fuck it,
there's just so many things.

Look, liberals,
progressives, whatever‐‐

you're gonna have to
just move back home.

I hate to be the bearer
of bad news.

I know you got out
and moved to the coast

so you could let
your freak flag fly.

But you all have to go back
to your hometowns.

It's the only way.

We have too much red and blue

and not enough purple.

We gotta flood the red areas,
like locusts.

Like locusts carrying vegan
banh mis and oatmeal and NPR.

[laughter and applause]

So if you can do so safely
and you can bear the thought

of having to get your Mason jar
cocktails at Chili's...

[laughter]

Then please move back
to your hometown.

MAN: Paid for by
Conservative Mothers

of Liberal 30‐Year‐Olds.

WOMAN: Come home!

[laughter and applause]

And I know
you're probably thinking,

"Hey, what about you, Sarah?

You're from New Hampshire,
but now you live in Hollywood."

Yeah. I'm a hypocrite.

[laughter]

I love it here.
My bathtub is here.

Oh, yeah, and I've got
a show to shoot.

I can't help it if I have
my own TV show.

All right, I'm done, clap.

[cheers and applause]

Later on, I have an interview
with future governor

of California Gavin Newsom.

You want a tease?
Yes, please.

I just really want to‐‐
I want to, like,

get into the politics
of California

and, like, pick your brain
about it

and lick your teeth

and just, like, figure out
how you compartmental�

� What?
What?

‐ What?
‐ What?

‐ Lick what?

‐ Oh.
I want to pick your brain.

‐ "Pick your brain,"
on California,

but then you said what?

‐ I want to lick your teeth?

‐ Did you say that?

‐ Yeah.
GAVIN: What?

SARAH: It's like a saying.

Like I want to lick your teeth.

GAVIN: Pick your brain, I get.

‐ Pick your brain.

‐ Talk about California.
‐ Talk about California.

‐ But lick your teeth?

‐ Yeah, I want to lick
your teeth.

‐ [chuckles]

What?

‐ "What? What?"

I don't know how to‐‐

What do I do with this guy?

‐ You guys, I found Jesus.

He was at the polls!
Take a look.

‐ We're gonna need
some other form of ID.

I'm just trying to do my job.

‐ I know you're being helpful,

but this is the only form of ID
I have.

‐ This doesn't even look
like you.

‐ The photo was restored
by a woman

who I know for a fact
was doing the best she could

with what she's been given.

‐ Jesus?

JESUS: Sarah!
My child, how are you?

‐ I'm great, how are you?
‐ Doing good.

Did you do something new
with your hair?

‐ No.
‐ New shirt.

‐ No.
‐ Shave your beard?

‐ What? Aren't you
supposed to be omniscient?

‐ [sighs]
Divinity fail!

[both laugh]

‐ Anyway, it's so great

you made it out
to the midterms.

Did you vote yet?

‐ No, um, this guy
is kind of busting

my God balls a little bit.

‐ Are God balls different
than regular balls?

‐ Uh, they're similar.

Instead of being filled
with semen,

they're filled with clouds.

‐ That's kind of beautiful.

I bet, like, ejaculating
must be, like, amazing.

‐ It's actually quite painful.

‐ Oh. Sorry.

Um...

Important midterms, huh?

Are you hoping for a blue wave?

‐ I don't want to say
who I'm voting for.

‐ Come on, you've gotta have
some key issues

that are driving your vote
this year.

‐ I just want a law that says
you can't force your kid

to die publicly by bleeding
to death on a cross.

‐ I'm pretty sure
that's illegal.

‐ Yeah, now.
‐ [laughs]

So what's your take on, like,
the immigration situation?

‐ Immigration, well,
we live in a nation

where they'll let
a Middle Eastern guy

into their hearts
but not into the country.

I mean, ThingsThatMakeYouGoMm?

[both laugh]

SARAH: Right?

It's so fucked up. Sorry.

‐ Come on.
I curse all the time.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Damn. Piss. Hell.

Bastard. Shit.

Sidenote, why is "shit"
a curse, right?

It's just another word
for poop.

SARAH: It's just a word
for poop. Thank you!

Oh, my God,
I'm always thinking that.

JESUS: I know.
‐ [giggles]

You are cool... and smart...

and cute.

You know, I wish‐‐
oh, this is stupid‐‐

I mean, I almost wish
that you weren't,

like, celibate or asexual.

‐ Actually, I'm not.
I'm essentially pansexual.

I love everyone and everything.

In fact, I had mind‐blowing sex
with an oak tree the other day.

Actually, Sarah,
can you help me with something?

I'm trying to figure out‐‐
with these ballots,

who do I vote for
for, like,

county clerk
or lieutenant governor?

‐ Oh. You know what I do?

I just, like, do
a little research online.

Like, there are so many people

posting helpful information
on social media.

Like, you know Ilana Glazer?

‐ No, who's that?

‐ From "Broad City."

‐ "Broad City." Yes!

‐ Yes! Yeah.
[laughs]

She's liberal like me.

And you, your ideals are‐‐

well, they seem very liberal
to me.

‐ Well, I don't want
to pick sides,

but let's just say
I brew my own kombucha.

‐ Right.

Plus, you love trees.

You are literally
a tree hugger.

A tree fucker.

‐ Everyone is my type.

I'm literally attracted
to everyone.

‐ No.
‐ Yes.

‐ You can't be attracted
to everyone.

‐ Yes, I can.
‐ Swoosie Kurtz.

‐ Swoosie Kurtz?
Of course, come on.

‐ Well, yeah, she's attractive.
‐ Yeah.

‐ What about the dancing guy
from the Six Flags commercials?

‐ I'm getting hard
just picturing him.

‐ No, you're not.
‐ I am.

SARAH: Steve Bannon.
‐ Steve Bannon. Hmm.

[laughter]

Yes, of course!

I love all forms of human

because I am
all forms of human.

Watch this.

[ethereal twinkling]

‐ Whoa, Seattle Storm
point guard Sue Bird!

‐ Yep. I take many forms.

‐ She is amazing.
I am a huge fan.

‐ I know, me too.

Um, I probably can't
shoot like her.

Or can I?

[heavenly choral music]

Did I make it?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ You know liars go
to hell, right?

‐ Is that true?
‐ No. Hell is just a construct.

[ethereal twinkling]

‐ Whoa, there he is.

By the way,
my dad loves "Bosch."

‐ My dad loves "Bosch" too.

‐ Dads love "Bosch."

‐ I'm just gonna check in
really quick.

Um, excuse me.

Are you sure
I'm not in the system?

[profound, ethereal music]

♪ ♪

[cymbal shimmering]

‐ Oh, there you are.

Jesus Callahan.

You're good to go.

JESUS: All right, thank you.

‐ Good luck, Jesus.

JESUS: Thank you!

‐ I'm checking in.
Sarah Silverman.

MAN: Okay.

You're all set.

You can use his booth
when he's done.

JESUS: I'm done.
She's all yours.

I'm outie.

[heavenly choral music]

♪ ♪

Ooh. Ugh.

[ceiling thudding]

‐ You know, I can see

your God balls from here.

‐ Oh. Well, don't look.

SARAH: They're in the sky.

Like clouds.

I mean, how often does that‐‐
well, maybe a lot.

‐ Sarah, it was great
to see you.

‐ And also with you.

‐ Well, see you later.

♪ ♪

[ceiling thuds]
Come on.

‐ Gavin Newsom.
Ever heard of him?

No?!

He's gonna be the next

governor of California, bro!

Check it out.

Listen, let's get
right into this.

GAVIN: Are we ready?
Let's do it.

‐ I'm sitting here
with Gavin Newsom.

Hot shit.

Lieutenant Governor.

Former mayor of San Francisco.

I could go on and on.

He's gonna be the next governor
of California.

He's sitting across from me.
He's looking at me right now.

GAVIN: Staring.

Staring you down.

‐ Let's get right into this.

You are dyslexic.
‐ Yeah.

‐ How did that shape you,
being dyslexic?

‐ Everything.

Worst thing that ever happened
to me when I was a child.

Best thing that ever happened
to me as an adult.

See the world differently.
You're more empathetic.

I think you're more
collaborative, more caring.

You don't‐‐
you can't see the world

the same way
everybody else sees it,

so you can't "compete"
in that world.

So you find your own path.

Find different ways
of looking at problems,

solving problems.

You're willing to take risks.

You're willing
to make mistakes.

Willing to learn from them.

'Cause you're good
at making mistakes.

But if you can
get through that,

without giving up,
sky's the limit.

‐ Yeah, if you can get past
that adversity‐‐

I don't know if you look at it
as adversity,

I don't know, but like‐‐
‐ Yeah.

‐ So many comedians
are dyslexic.

GAVIN: It's interesting.

‐ And they've become
great spontaneous speakers

because of that.

‐ Because they have no choice.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah, and that's‐‐
I mean, politically,

it's a burden, though,
to be candid,

so if you gave me a speech
to read,

good luck, not gonna happen.

If I looked down at a speech,
I literally would lose‐‐

if I had to look back up‐‐
lose my space on the page.

Not a chance, so,
only speeches I read

have to be in a teleprompter,

but I'll spend easily an hour
for a five‐minute speech.

‐ So we have a president.
His name is Donald Trump.

He‐‐he's given you
a lot of shit.

He called you a clown.

He, like‐‐your stance
on, you know,

not wanting a wall
or wanting health care for all,

you know, he gives you
a lot of shit about that.

GAVIN: Yeah.
‐ Are you hurt? I mean...

‐ I am part
of his stump speech lately,

so we're getting under his skin
for a reason.

He's just met his match.

With all due respect,
we're California.

It's just a different thing.

I mean, we are the ultimate
un‐Trump state.

And this state celebrates
its diversity.

He doesn't tolerate it.

This state is happy
and prideful

about its low‐carbon
green growth strategies.

This state will happily
push back,

enthusiastically push back
on Trump.

‐ It's funny, too,
because a lot of

Republican politicians
weaponize California.

‐ They wouldn't be weaponizing

if this state
was a failed state.

What's really problematic
for the right,

for all my friends on Fox News
and others,

is that we're proving at scale
that everything

they've been saying for years
and years is flat out wrong.

We're not asserting it.
We're proving it.

We took a $27 billion
budget deficit,

have the highest
rainy‐day reserves

in our state's history.

Twenty‐seven percent
of the state foreign‐born.

A state that's brought in
112,000 refugees

in the last 15 years.

No one does what we do
at scale.

‐ California's so great
with environmental stuff,

environmental law,
all that stuff,

and yet we don't have
any water.

‐ We're making a lot
of progress on water.

Interestingly, Orange County
has a toilet‐to‐tap system

that's the envy
of the entire planet,

meaning no one does what
they're doing in Orange County.

‐ Hold on,
what does toilet‐to‐tap mean?

That doesn't sound appetizing
to me.

‐ It doesn't sound appetizing,
but it shows

how efficient and effective
technology

and a willingness
to be resourceful

at a time
of declining resources

and water resources‐‐

but basically taking
dirty water

and providing a framework
to clean that water,

use that water for‐‐

I‐I can't say this with you
looking at me that way.

‐ I'm just saying,
you're saying, like,

you're taking, like,
doody water and drinking it?

‐ We're drinking it.
‐ Putting it through a Brita?

‐ A little bit more intense
than a Brita.

‐ Can't we say, like,
bath‐to‐tap or something?

‐ I know, it doesn't‐‐
it's not a good slogan.

‐ I get it, it's, like,
a T‐T‐T alliterative,

it's catchy, but it's‐‐

‐ It's not good.
You're right.

Now you have expressed
a strong point of view.

‐ How about, like,
diarrhea water?

‐ That's absolutely not‐‐
‐ That you can drink?

‐ That's not gonna happen.

‐ Put it on a T‐shirt,

and it says
"Vote Gavin Newsom."

‐ Yeah.
[laughs]

The Trump administration
will love that.

Yes.

SARAH: All right.

Let me ask you this.
You're so progressive.

You've always been ahead
of the curve

as mayor of San Francisco

with marriage equality,
with... weed.

With the environment.

What are you chewing on next?

Like, what is kind of
the next thing for you?

‐ I mean,
the most important thing,

and it‐‐
you lose folks on this‐‐

but it's the new brain science
that's come in, zero to three.

‐ What does that mean?
Are you about to explain it?

‐ Eighty‐five percent
of the brain is formed

by the time
you're just three years old.

Billions of neurons
that are connecting,

they start pruning
by the age of four.

So much of our time,
energy, money is spent

trying to solve problems
after they manifest

as opposed to preventing

the problems
in the first place.

‐ Formative years.

‐ And so it's infant
and toddler care,

not just preschool.

‐ Let me ask you this,
switching gears.

GAVIN: Yes.

‐ That was, like,
a very professional

kind of thing to say.

‐ Unbelievable.

‐ How do you reconcile
how you feel

about money in politics

with the realities
of money in politics?

‐ Yeah, and I've raised
a ton of money.

There was $119 million spent
in our primary.

And I'm out there doing three,
four fund raisers a day.

‐ Jesus fucking Christ.
‐ So it's absurd.

Money in‐‐it's the answer
to every single question.

Whatever you have,
whatever critique,

whatever question you have
as to why

something is the way it is,

there's one thing in common,
it's money in politics.

Just a fact.

That fundamentally
is the issue

that defines all other issues.

And here I am talking
about money in politics,

and literally,
no exaggeration, after this,

I'm going to do
three fund raisers.

Three. Today.

And I'm committed,
if I'm successful as governor,

to advance efforts
on clean money

and figure out a way to have
public financing of campaigns.

It's just absurd.
It's past absurd now.

‐ That's what I say to anyone.

I won't even try
to change your mind.

Just see who benefits from
taking this‐‐their stances.

‐ Yeah, why don't we have
universal health care?

Follow the money.
Obvious.

Why do we have poverty rates
as high as we have?

Follow the money.
Look at the incentives.

For bad behavior,

perverse incentives
for bad behavior,

everything makes sense
if you follow the money.

‐ You're not afraid
of Republicans.

You were married to one.
Your in‐laws are them.

GAVIN: My in‐laws, yeah.
I know.

‐ How does that help you?
I think that‐‐

‐ Completely.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah, no, I mean, again,

you gotta be able
to see the world

with a different set of eyes.

You have to be empathetic.

You gotta understand
where they're coming from.

And look, the lens to which
a lot of my family members,

my in‐laws, see the world
is exclusively through

the editorial pages
of the "Wall Street Journal"

and Fox News,
and so I forgive them.

I get it.
‐ Yeah.

GAVIN: But the point
of emphasis

is an understanding and empathy
of why we're talking

past each other,
often down to each other,

and at a certain point,
enough's enough.

Something's gonna have to give.

I'm in a prism of partisanship
and a campaign for governor

with a hand‐picked candidate
that Donald Trump tapped

on the shoulder
to get in a runoff.

So we're certainly in
a different dynamic,

but hopefully there's some
healing process beyond that.

‐ Yeah, it doesn't seem
like there's much

bringing us together.

Like, used to be like,

"Oh, baby Jessica in a well."

‐ I mean, perversely,
war was a shared experience.

And we've lost sight
of citizenship.

Active, not inert citizenship.

It's not you vote, I decide.

It's about
two‐way conversations,

and I think
there's a sweet spot

with citizenship
where we can focus

on the collective,
the commonwealth,

the things
that bind us together.

‐ The blue wave, is it?
‐ Happening.

‐ It is?
‐ I just finished a bus tour.

Eight days.
Twenty‐three rallies.

Fifteen candidates.

Not just standing room only.

Standing room
out in the parking lots.

The energy is off the charts.

I have no, no stress,
no anxiety

around what's gonna happen
on election day.

‐ You are so goyim.

GAVIN: We're gonna take back
the House.

It's gonna happen.

‐ Well, we did it.

We had
an incredible conversation‐‐

‐ We got through it.
‐ And barely sipped our drinks.

Congratulations
on becoming governor.

‐ Knock on wood.
One more week.

‐ Oh, now you get
a little Jewish, knock on wood.

You're sure
there's a blue wave.

‐ I am sure of that.
‐ But I don't know about me.

GAVIN: [laughs]

‐ Well, good luck,
I'll be voting for you.

‐ Thank you, I appreciate it.

[cheers and applause]

‐ Well, that's the show.

Thanks to Fred Armisen,
Sue Bird, and Gavin Newsom,

and now it's time
for some sleep.

Just gonna put
my sleep tape on,

and off to bed.

Good night, America.

I don't always like you,
but I lurve you.

Mm.

[soothing ambient music]

MAN: You're getting tired.

You're so... famous.

[laughter]
And no one

will ever tire of your youthful

yet age‐appropriate ponytail

that you waggle.

No one can tell
that you're Jewish.

Not one person.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

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