All language subtitles for ConMan s02e04 Manly.eng

( music playing )

( music playing )

Oh! Wray Nerely, everyone!

Woo!
( clapping )

Bobbie. Bobbie, Bobbie, Bobbie.

Stop it. God damn it.

What are you doing here?

I'm here for you, Wray.

I manage with a personal touch.

That's why I have so many
restraining orders against me.

Why do you look like
the "Hispanna Vanna White"?

I'm gonna take that
as a compliment, sir.

I'm here to impress
Diego Alfonso, el director.

He needs to see me as an ex-dancer
for "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

No, look, if you represent me

you should be trying to get me,
"Doctor Cop Lawyer."

I am an ex-dancer, Wray.

I performed in, "Swan Lake."

I took on the role of both
the White Swan and the Black Swan.

And also in '76 I was in an adult movie
called "Schwanz Lake"

where I took on the white schwanz
and the black schwanz.

( mumbling )

- Got it.
- Fine.

N-n-no thank you.

All right look, why don't you squint.

What? Why would I do that?

Squint, because it will make
you look more manly.

- Oh!
- You know, like a mean man.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, squint, okay, good.

Got it, you got it.
Okay, now talk like...

- Why-Why would I do that?
- It's manly.

You have a very high,
little girl's voice.

Oh, yes, yes. Okay.

Talk like this.

- Mmm.
- Okay I got it.

All right, look, relax.
He's coming, let's just act casual.

Hello there!

( clapping )

Listen to me, I don't care
if the courthouse is in the hospital

or the hospital is in the courthouse

as long as they're both
in the police station.

Entiendes? Gracias. Se bye.

I am Diego.

- Are you Wray?
- I am Wray Nerely.

It's very good to meet--
( coughs )

This doesn't-- I'm-- Hi I'm, yes.

Hello, SeГѓВ±or Diego.

This is the one and only,
Wray Nerely.

And, I am Bobbie.

That's spelled with two B's
that rhyme with booby.

- God, no.
- Woo.

That is not...

All right, well I'm just going to find
a ballet bar so I can limber up my squats.

( snapping )

I love your grandmother, Wray.

- She is so full of...
- Shit.

- Life
- Life.

She reminds me of, um,
how you say, cГѓВіmo se dice--

There is no word for this in English.

The village bicycle.

- Ahh.
- It belongs to no one,

but everyone rides it

and on hot days
you will get a rash.

That's my Nana.

Wray, thank you.

- Thank you for being here.
- You're welcome.

Now, the clients were hoping
for someone else.

They're over there,
wave to them.

Stop waving.

Their anger grows deeper.

- Wray.
- Yes?

Jack has told me many
great things about you .

Okay, Jack is
a really good friend of mine.

You know, and actually he told me
a little something about you

that you are doing a project called,
"Doctor Cop Lawyer" next,

and that you still have not
found your leading man.

- SГѓВ, Dr. Officer Blade Slater, Esquire.
- I can play him.

( laughs )

Wray, no, no, no, no.

That part
is not right for you, at all.

That part has to be played
by a manly man.

Well, I can be manly.

Wray, he must be such a manly man,

that there is another man
inside of him.

No, not--
Shouldn't sound like that.

Like a "Russian nesting doll" man.

Like a man inside of another man,

inside of another man,
inside of another man.

Nope, no, no, no.

Like, it's as if he has
swallowed many men.

( coughs )

That's it.
That's it.

( buzzing )

Oh, sorry--
I have to take this call.

- We'll talk, okay?
- Okay.

Hola.

We'll talk later.

Randy.

Pleased to meet you, Wray.
Big fan of "Spectrum."

- Thanks.
- I'm Randy Lane, the stunt coordinator.

I'll be doing your stunts for you.

Stunts?

Don't worry. My only rule is
I won't ask you to do anything

that I wouldn't ask the most special fella
in my life to do, my nine year old, Clyde.

Well, I think I can do a little bit more
than nine year old, Clyde.

( laughs )

Safety meeting, everyone.

Safety meeting, ugh.

Let's go people. Let's fall in.
Safety meeting.

Come on, everybody.

( grunts )

Great to see you all.

Julie, I love the new haircut.

Seriously, though, we are here
to have fun and to be safe.

Now, I'll take care of the safe
and y'all take care of the fun.

Stunts are dangerous.

They can be painful.

I wanna stop you right there.
Just, yeah, they can be painful.

Some people experience pain
differently than others.

I've been hurt on set.
I've been hurt bad.

But, I persevered, I got through it.

I have lived to tell the tale.

Geez, what happened, bud?

I don't like to talk about it.

Please, Wray, tell your tale.
We are all your family.

Okay, well, I don't know.

Can you see that scar right there?

There?

No, I think that's mascara.

Right there,
see that was a deep cut.

Deep, deep, deep, deep--
ow I was hitting it.

Uh deep, cut. It bled a lot.

And then, I passed out.
Cut my head.

And, that's where I got a stitch
and now I have a cowlick.

( laughs )

Wray, you're so funny.
He's joking.

Wray.
Good one Wray.

In seriousness, though,
injuries do happen.

I got this one doubling LeVar Burton
on a "Reading Rainbow."

Whoa. My God!

- Ay dios mio.
- What are we lookin' at?

I can see you digesting.

Please, I got worse.

Wait until you see this.

Bobbie, don't do--
Put it away. Put it away.

So, safety first, folks.
Safety first.

Yes I will.

- Can you...
- Wray, let's talk about this part.

- Okay.
- Okay, you are a brave astronaut.

You are in space.

You are punching
and kicking the space debris,

because the Astro cereal
has made you mГѓВЎs fuerte. Strong.

- Okay?
- MГѓВЎs.

And then later, Randy will do all
the actually dangerous work.

I'm sorry, I'm going to be
doing my own stunts.

Ho, ho, check this guy out.

Randy, he is giving you a run
for your money.

Literally.

Okay, you ready, Wray?

I was born ready.

- Okay.
- Move him up.

Wires up.

Oh!

What I meant to say was...
( groans )

You got pinched a little bit, buddy.
I'm going to bring you down.

No, no, I'm fine. It's the pain.
I build on pain, I like it.

Nice, Wray.
Use that for the character, okay?

Girl: Can I have it quiet on set.

And, action.

Okay, Wray, the asteroids
are coming at you.

You're punching at them.

The asteroids are coming at you
from all directions.

There's so many of them.

Okay, you're a baby bird

and there's a mongoose
coming to get you.

- What?
- Perfect.

- Now, try to kick.
- I'm kick...

( squeals )

Okay, now try with a battle cry.

( yelling )

Diego:
Less like a dying gecko.

( soft yelling )

Okay, no, no, but you are in space,
so we can't here you.

Now, say the line.

No, we must hear the line.
Lift your visor. Lift your visor.

Astros is packed
with 10 essential vitamins,

which gives me,
nutrition power.

- Now, kick again.
- Kick. Oh, my Lord.

Kick again.

- ( grunting )
- Cut.

Perfecto.

- There we go. I am bowing.
- Man: Everyone back to one.

Hello, SeГѓВ±or Diego.

This is amazing.

Oh, Jesus God.

Bobbie, what are you--
Give me the chair

All right. I'm sorry, Wray.

Did you shit in your pants?

Oh god, I am sorry I did not bring
an extra adult diaper.

You can use mine.

No, you can't.

Bobbie, this suit is ironing out
the wrinkles in my scrotum

- and my leg is asleep.
- Mhm.

What happened.

You had enough
of that harness there, bud?

Uh, not even close, bud.
Why don't you just-- Jesus.

What is that smell?

That is a wrap on Wray, everyone.

- Really?
- Mhm, yeah we have you close up.

So, Randy is going to do all the takes
with the real asteroid.

I'm going to do the real asteroid work,
that's me. I got that.

It's my job, Wray.

Well, maybe now,
it's my job, Randy.

Excellent, Wray.

You know, you are not at all
like I pictured you from your picture.

Look, uh, these asteroids
have some heft to them

and Grant is new to the team

If the most special little guy
in the planet, my son Clyde, were here

I wouldn't let him do it.

I got this.

Wray, in all honesty,
I don't get paid if I don't do the stunt

Oh.

My special little buddy's mom
is out of the picture and...

She's out of the picture, yeah.

Man: Hoist him up.

I'm so sorry.

I guess I'm in the picture,
so, I'm sorry.

Roll sound.

Thank you.

This is great.

Man: Rolling.

And, action.

All right, kid. I-I have--
Diego: Punch them, Wray

Oh no. ( laughs )

Punch them, yes.

Punch them like a desperate panther.

He's using real rocks.

Cue the satellite.

Vitamins. I've got 10--
I've got tin-- 10.

Cue the satellite

10 of whoa. I mean,
Astros gives me 10 essential--

Oh, God Almighty.

Cut.

What happened to my satellite?

( lift engine rumbling )

Okay, here you go.

- Bobbie.
- Here, try this.

What is that?
Smelling salts?

Yeah it's made with bleach
and Cool Ranch Doritos.

- That's disgusting.
- It's great.

Your eye okay?

Yeah, it is. It's-- Ah.

I mean it's--
Look, I live for pain, so...

The harness has cut off
the blood flow.

- I'm bringing you down.
- No, no, no, no.

I don't need blood flow
to my lower regions.

Wray will be manlier with one testicle
than he is with two.

That's right, you know what?
Go get them.

Am I really going to lose a testicle?

Here's the deal, I don't get paid
if I don't do the stunt.

I'm a single father, Clyde's school
costs a lot of money.

Yeah he's a special kid,
everybody's kid is special to them.

He's special
because he's on the spectrum.

Well I was on
the "Spectrum" spaceship.

You're saying "the spectrum"

and you mean a whole other thing
that he's not--

I mean he's-- I'm sorry about that.

It's just you really should put
that a different way.

- Wray.
- Hey.

You remind me of a bullfighter
that I know.

- Really?
- He was a very brave man.

He was so brave man
that when he was gored to death

he laughed in the bull's face.

He was a very weird man, like you.

But, I envied his courage.

Now, do you wish to keep going

or do you want Randy
to take your place?

Who da man?

( laughs )
That's me.

Good man, Wray.

OlГѓВ©. ГѓВ“rale.

Toro.

I'm just going to test this out
and make sure it's still working, okay?

- Yeah, actually, don't uh, because--
- Boys.

( groans )

I still have feeling
in my nethers.

Give it to me. Give it to me.

Give, give, give it.

- Working pretty good.
- Okay.

Okay. And, Action.

Punch them, Wray.

Punch them.

You are bitter.
You're bitter.

Hey, Randy, you're not supposed
to be doing that.

Stop hitting with your face.
Hit it with your fist.

Cue the satellite.

Perfect.

- Cue this other satellite.
- Astro cereal.

Good God, I bit my tongue.

Perfecto. Cut.

Bravo.

( whining )

Girl: Medic.

You're an asshole, Randy.

You should have let the pro do the stunt.
I needed that money.

No wonder your wife
is out of the picture.

She died.

( whimpering )

Who says it like that?

Nice job, Wray.

You are very courageous.

No, listen, Diego, Diego, please.

I think I would make
a really good addition

to, "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

Say more words at me.

I think... I think I could play...
I could play

Slater MD.

Limp, lisp, one eye.

Wray, by God
I think you may be right.

Really?

( music playing )

Did you tell them
that I'm manly?

Did you tell them that?
'Cause I am.

- Hello Kitty lemonade spritz.
- Thank you.

Welcome to the Imaginesium.

Meet my dear friend,
Wray Nerely.

You may recognize him
from his space TV show,

- "Specula."
- "Spectrum."

"Spectrum." Of course.

- I will see you in Hell.
- Oh, ( expletive ).

Wait, what's that from?

Um, he played Cash
on "Spectrum."

It was a big hit.

- Why haven't I heard of it?
- It's a cult hit.

Ugh, ugh.

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