Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,130 --> 00:00:01,875
Meanwhile, on Con Man...
2
00:00:01,885 --> 00:00:04,185
- Die, human! - Jerry!
3
00:00:05,076 --> 00:00:06,178
Hey, buddy!
4
00:00:06,188 --> 00:00:08,119
I have an audition for Clint Eastwood!
5
00:00:08,129 --> 00:00:09,942
Maybe put in a good word for me?
6
00:00:09,952 --> 00:00:12,687
All famous people don't know all other famous people, Wray.
7
00:00:12,697 --> 00:00:13,942
But yeah, I know him. He uh...
8
00:00:13,952 --> 00:00:15,669
Borrowed my lawnmower. He owes me a favor.
9
00:00:15,679 --> 00:00:17,620
Are you guys going to make a...
10
00:00:17,630 --> 00:00:18,895
"Spectrum" movie?
11
00:00:18,905 --> 00:00:20,074
God, I hope not.
12
00:00:20,084 --> 00:00:22,550
- You don't like sci-fi? - I hate sci-fi.
13
00:00:23,011 --> 00:00:25,023
Everybody on the dance floor!
14
00:00:26,601 --> 00:00:27,905
They...
15
00:00:28,179 --> 00:00:29,752
Are retarded... art.
16
00:00:30,093 --> 00:00:32,513
Retarding it all up.
17
00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:35,578
Con Man - Episode 4 - "Retarding It All Up"
18
00:00:35,588 --> 00:00:37,726
sync and corrections by sadako415 www.addic7ed.com
19
00:00:54,261 --> 00:00:55,674
Seriously?
20
00:01:27,145 --> 00:01:28,188
What?
21
00:01:29,304 --> 00:01:30,414
What...
22
00:01:32,019 --> 00:01:33,019
Come on!
23
00:01:37,136 --> 00:01:38,247
Come on!
24
00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:39,717
Come on!
25
00:01:54,995 --> 00:01:56,845
Is one of those coffees for me?
26
00:01:57,497 --> 00:01:58,647
Yes.
27
00:02:00,113 --> 00:02:01,206
Come in.
28
00:02:03,795 --> 00:02:06,018
Did I record my audition last night?
29
00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:08,737
I got an e-mail from the casting director.
30
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,503
"Thank you, great choices, I'll definitely send this on to Clint."
31
00:02:12,513 --> 00:02:14,408
I don't know. I went to bed!
32
00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:16,600
My memory stops at the platinum party.
33
00:02:16,610 --> 00:02:18,460
What the hell happened last night?
34
00:02:18,978 --> 00:02:20,828
I got laid.
35
00:02:21,109 --> 00:02:22,244
Oh, my god...
36
00:02:22,254 --> 00:02:23,746
Oh, no! No!
37
00:02:23,756 --> 00:02:25,291
Do you want a towel?
38
00:02:25,301 --> 00:02:26,097
No.
39
00:02:26,107 --> 00:02:27,662
You leave your towel on.
40
00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:30,502
Did I... did we...
41
00:02:30,512 --> 00:02:31,734
Did I...
42
00:02:32,099 --> 00:02:33,249
I did.
43
00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:35,433
That is disgusting.
44
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:38,492
Thank god, that's disgusting.
45
00:02:38,502 --> 00:02:41,202
Thank god, that is disgusting!
46
00:02:42,838 --> 00:02:44,938
Did we record my audition last night?
47
00:02:46,092 --> 00:02:48,237
- Mmh, ah, yeah. - Think we did that. Yeah.
48
00:02:48,247 --> 00:02:49,247
Please...
49
00:02:49,511 --> 00:02:50,961
Tell me it was good.
50
00:02:52,194 --> 00:02:53,794
I... don't remember.
51
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,800
Oh, my god. It works! Holy shit!
52
00:02:57,913 --> 00:02:59,627
After you passed out...
53
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,224
Burnsie and I recorded some...
54
00:03:01,234 --> 00:03:02,344
Other things.
55
00:03:04,025 --> 00:03:07,196
- Yeah, ooh! - Benefits of a strong core, right there.
56
00:03:07,206 --> 00:03:09,162
Prepared for you true humans..
57
00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,872
Yeahhhhhh...
58
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:15,354
Okay, well...
59
00:03:15,364 --> 00:03:17,189
I have a panel. Burnsie...
60
00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:19,359
It was magical.
61
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,830
Don't get clingy.
62
00:03:22,976 --> 00:03:24,976
Yeah... I got it, I got it.
63
00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:29,859
- Oh, your panel is right after his, so... - Yeah.
64
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:33,276
Yeah, why don't I meet you backstage in about an hour, okay?
65
00:03:33,666 --> 00:03:35,066
Oh! You can keep my underwear.
66
00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:37,680
Oh, no...
67
00:03:43,898 --> 00:03:45,085
No, no, no.
68
00:03:45,095 --> 00:03:47,353
Andy Serkis and I are very, very different
69
00:03:47,363 --> 00:03:49,113
perf cap actors, you see.
70
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,861
In the "Watchmen", for instance...
71
00:03:51,871 --> 00:03:53,545
I performed...
72
00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:55,725
As Dr. Manhattan's penis.
73
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,311
Without me, it was just a...
74
00:03:57,321 --> 00:04:00,792
Dangling blue distraction, right? Right.
75
00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:02,768
I breathed life into that penis.
76
00:04:02,778 --> 00:04:05,450
I gave it mood, expression...
77
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:06,460
Foreskin.
78
00:04:06,837 --> 00:04:08,627
My father's nipples...
79
00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:10,137
- Was a... - Jack.
80
00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:13,303
Hey, buddy, could you give me a call
81
00:04:13,313 --> 00:04:16,686
whenever you get this message? It's about that Clint Eastwood thing.
82
00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:18,066
Also...
83
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,020
Jerry fucked Bobbie.
84
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,317
Oh, my god.
85
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:23,327
Call me.
86
00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:24,618
Note the right side...
87
00:04:25,351 --> 00:04:26,874
It was his right nipple would... would
88
00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,188
harden.
89
00:04:28,198 --> 00:04:30,057
And he drank so profusely
90
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:33,177
that... that nipple you could hang a wet leather jacket on it.
91
00:04:33,187 --> 00:04:35,807
It was always out, like for about 3 inches.
92
00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:40,658
How do you feel?
93
00:04:44,775 --> 00:04:45,997
How did you...
94
00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,053
I feel shitty.
95
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,530
That Eastwood audition...
96
00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:55,517
It matters.
97
00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:57,900
Okay, well...
98
00:04:57,910 --> 00:04:59,452
The fans matter.
99
00:04:59,462 --> 00:05:00,704
And they love you.
100
00:05:00,714 --> 00:05:02,827
That is a perfect cure for a hangover.
101
00:05:05,979 --> 00:05:07,325
I'm 43.
102
00:05:08,073 --> 00:05:09,973
I mean I know I don't look it, but uh...
103
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:12,689
Every missed chance...
104
00:05:14,079 --> 00:05:15,779
Feels like a last chance.
105
00:05:17,341 --> 00:05:18,120
Alright?
106
00:05:18,130 --> 00:05:20,413
You know what doesn't matter? Is sci-fi acting.
107
00:05:20,423 --> 00:05:23,913
Sci-fi acting doesn't matter. You're never gonna win an award for it.
108
00:05:24,354 --> 00:05:26,104
No idea as to matter how good you are.
109
00:05:26,812 --> 00:05:28,276
Even Spectrum...
110
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,004
Lasted half a season.
111
00:05:32,389 --> 00:05:34,189
It doesn't have worth.
112
00:05:36,099 --> 00:05:37,588
Who likes Jesus?
113
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,099
I have a theory that...
114
00:05:39,109 --> 00:05:40,834
He wasn't crucified, I think...
115
00:05:40,844 --> 00:05:44,036
- Vikings killed Jesus Christ. - Thank you. Thank you very much.
116
00:05:44,046 --> 00:05:47,191
Now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jerry Lansing!
117
00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:49,497
- Thank you! - Yes, the best mocap man
118
00:05:49,507 --> 00:05:51,327
you'll never see in the movies.
119
00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:54,092
And next we have for you
120
00:05:54,102 --> 00:05:55,354
Your favorite and mine...
121
00:05:55,364 --> 00:05:57,228
- Good crowd. - "Spectrum" bone,
122
00:05:57,238 --> 00:05:59,138
Wray Nerely!
123
00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:05,659
Thank you.
124
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,569
Sounds like some of you are as hung over as me.
125
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:10,916
Okay, can we...
126
00:06:10,926 --> 00:06:12,028
Can... Can we...
127
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,738
Little bit more, come on!
128
00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:16,879
Come on, come on. Let's...
129
00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:27,561
Thank you.
130
00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:29,385
That's actually...
131
00:06:30,402 --> 00:06:32,624
Very rejuvenating.
132
00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:37,158
Who would of thought, 10 years later, we'd still be talking about Spectrum? Not me.
133
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,235
But right now,
134
00:06:40,245 --> 00:06:44,699
I'm really glad that we are. That was really nice. Thank you, that was worth something to me.
135
00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,638
Thank you. I actually feel better.
136
00:06:46,648 --> 00:06:48,846
Um okay, so I'm gonna play a clip here
137
00:06:48,856 --> 00:06:50,609
that you've seen a thousand times
138
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:53,952
and then I'll comment on it, which you've heard a thousand times.
139
00:06:54,986 --> 00:06:56,867
Whoa, there's a lot of questions!
140
00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:59,559
Alright, pause that, I think maybe we can, umm...
141
00:06:59,569 --> 00:07:00,808
Land, now.
142
00:07:00,818 --> 00:07:03,432
Okay, thanks. I guess we'll go to questions...
143
00:07:03,442 --> 00:07:04,767
First.
144
00:07:06,179 --> 00:07:08,512
Why did you say you hate sci-fi?
145
00:07:08,522 --> 00:07:10,083
- Yeah! - Seriously?
146
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:11,426
I...
147
00:07:12,502 --> 00:07:13,835
I said that.
148
00:07:14,248 --> 00:07:15,803
I mean, I said that?!
149
00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:17,357
No...
150
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:19,649
Who loves sci-fi...
151
00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:21,369
Here? You do, I saw.
152
00:07:21,379 --> 00:07:24,312
And you, and you. Okay, you do?
153
00:07:24,322 --> 00:07:26,401
Okay, yes! Oh, god...
154
00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:29,744
Okay, next question, next question, next question...
155
00:07:30,586 --> 00:07:33,480
When are you shooting the Clint Eastwood movie?
156
00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:36,045
Hush your mouth! Hush it down! Hush it down!
157
00:07:39,447 --> 00:07:42,780
I didn't even know that Clint Eastwood was making a western!
158
00:07:43,366 --> 00:07:46,952
- For the record, if it's a western. - You wouldn't shut up about it at the party!
159
00:07:46,962 --> 00:07:48,411
- You know! - Yeah!
160
00:07:48,421 --> 00:07:51,521
I don't even know! I don't even know...
161
00:07:53,065 --> 00:07:57,895
If you had to choose between the Clint Eastwood movie and the Spectrum movie...
162
00:07:57,905 --> 00:08:00,596
- Which would you choose? - Good question.
163
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:03,286
Why don't you move on from her? She's got lots of quest...
164
00:08:03,296 --> 00:08:05,354
Some other...
165
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:07,178
Thank you for that.
166
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,924
I really want to be honest here, so I'm gonna be...
167
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,884
I'm gonna be honest with you, guys.
168
00:08:15,864 --> 00:08:17,584
Spectrum!
169
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,870
Spectrum!
170
00:08:24,347 --> 00:08:25,597
Spectrum!
171
00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:28,981
Spectrum!
172
00:08:30,870 --> 00:08:33,370
Okay, this is a little much, you're retarding me.
173
00:08:33,796 --> 00:08:34,796
What?!
174
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,298
You're re... tard...
175
00:08:38,864 --> 00:08:39,864
I mean...
176
00:08:40,207 --> 00:08:41,213
Yeah, I mean,
177
00:08:41,223 --> 00:08:43,223
you're retarding...
178
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:46,160
Ya'll heard it, retarding. Me... I'm...
179
00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,870
I'm the one who's retarded.
180
00:08:48,259 --> 00:08:49,804
My ego's retarded.
181
00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:50,982
Watch your mouth!
182
00:08:50,992 --> 00:08:53,631
- You're all retarded. - You leave Miranda alone!
183
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,197
Wow. Okay, I'm not...
184
00:08:55,207 --> 00:08:57,487
I'm not not leaving her alone, I'm just saying...
185
00:08:57,497 --> 00:08:58,912
Look, to retard...
186
00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:00,681
The actual definition
187
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,691
is "to limit".
188
00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:05,340
Okay? To...
189
00:09:06,277 --> 00:09:07,732
Mangle.
190
00:09:07,742 --> 00:09:09,455
Not the second, not...
191
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,965
That's not it.
192
00:09:11,527 --> 00:09:14,723
I give to charities. I give to... Just this morning I gave...
193
00:09:14,733 --> 00:09:16,655
Something to help...
194
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,873
Spastic Seasonal...
195
00:09:19,354 --> 00:09:21,511
Praclaning... (mumbles).
196
00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:23,521
- That's not a thing. - Shit.
197
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:24,951
You're an asshole,
198
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:27,710
- you better watch it, dude! - This son of a bitch,
199
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,513
stole my lucky pen,
200
00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:31,894
and he refuses to give it back. You're a thief,
201
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,390
- Nerely. You're a thief. - You're an asshole.
202
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,161
I didn't know I took your pen accidentally.
203
00:09:37,171 --> 00:09:40,310
"Stole", that's a pretty harsh word. Right, guys?
204
00:09:40,764 --> 00:09:41,723
Easy mistake.
205
00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:43,783
Here. Take your pen.
206
00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:52,405
- Jerry and Boobie had sex? - Yes.
207
00:09:52,415 --> 00:09:54,065
Isn't that disgusting? Thank god.
208
00:09:55,909 --> 00:09:57,329
What's going on?
209
00:09:57,635 --> 00:10:01,494
Poker til the sun came up. And then somehow it turned into a quinceanera.
210
00:10:02,531 --> 00:10:04,054
I like your life so much better than mine.
211
00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:07,167
Le debes mil d�lares, Mr. Moore.
212
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:11,260
I let him win. When he bluffs, he touches his nose.
213
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:13,636
Listen, I need you to focus up for me, buddy.
214
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:14,868
Focus up!
215
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:17,030
Go with this.
216
00:10:17,301 --> 00:10:19,375
Hello? Everybody, ladies and gentlemen,
217
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:20,964
your favorite captain...
218
00:10:20,974 --> 00:10:22,374
Mr. Jack...
219
00:10:22,732 --> 00:10:24,433
Moore!
220
00:10:24,443 --> 00:10:26,363
How you doing?
221
00:10:30,778 --> 00:10:32,501
- I see you! - Hey, Nerely!
222
00:10:32,511 --> 00:10:34,961
- Oh, no. - We got to talk to you!
223
00:10:38,759 --> 00:10:40,127
Come on, we're going.
224
00:10:40,137 --> 00:10:41,887
We are going. Bobbie, get my phone!
225
00:10:41,897 --> 00:10:44,925
- Get my phone! - You can run, but you can't hide!
226
00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:49,592
Hey, I can walk.
227
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:50,592
What?
228
00:10:50,602 --> 00:10:52,955
Yeah, my shoes just makes my feet look ick.
229
00:10:52,965 --> 00:10:54,924
- Bitch! - I am also
230
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:56,364
angry at you!
231
00:10:56,374 --> 00:10:58,299
Okay, okay. The green room is uh...
232
00:10:59,537 --> 00:11:01,135
I don't know. I think we're lost.
233
00:11:01,145 --> 00:11:02,942
- Hurry up or we're gonna lose him. - You actually can walk?
234
00:11:02,952 --> 00:11:05,165
- I'm handi-capable. - Come on!
235
00:11:05,175 --> 00:11:06,375
Move it!
236
00:11:07,185 --> 00:11:09,244
Hey, shove over, stick boy.
237
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:10,705
Hey, guys! He's over there!
238
00:11:10,715 --> 00:11:11,805
Hey!
239
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,275
Hold my bag.
240
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:15,494
I've been practicing my impression of you.
241
00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:16,704
I've got this.
242
00:11:17,872 --> 00:11:19,558
Retarding! Retarding! I, uh...
243
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:20,578
I hate
244
00:11:20,588 --> 00:11:22,774
science fiction fans. I don't appreciate
245
00:11:22,784 --> 00:11:25,070
what I've got. Trophies and awards are the only
246
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,794
sense of self worth that I have. I, uh...
247
00:11:28,502 --> 00:11:29,484
I don't see
248
00:11:29,494 --> 00:11:31,137
what I have because my head
249
00:11:31,147 --> 00:11:33,491
is stuck so far up my own ass!
250
00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:37,912
I have a drinking problem.
251
00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:39,822
- That's him! - What?
252
00:11:40,384 --> 00:11:41,606
I love you.
253
00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:44,449
How is that me?
254
00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,343
Hey, man.
255
00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:05,160
Off stage already, huh?
256
00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:07,170
Sorry to hear about the Clint Eastwood movie, man.
257
00:12:07,672 --> 00:12:08,672
Thank you.
258
00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:11,498
Wait, sor... what? What?
259
00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:12,508
What?
260
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:15,570
All the fans posted a video of you talking about it last night.
261
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:18,717
Apparently "Deadline" got Clint coming out of a restaurant...
262
00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:21,327
- Said you're a dickhead. - Hush it down!
263
00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:24,715
A fan's love...
264
00:12:24,725 --> 00:12:26,425
Love that retards, am I right?
265
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,578
Hey, Sean...
266
00:12:35,273 --> 00:12:37,134
Do you like bourbon balls?
267
00:12:37,144 --> 00:12:38,144
Yeah.
268
00:12:39,408 --> 00:12:41,408
Yeah, right on.
269
00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:49,289
Nerely, I will see you in hell.
270
00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:51,182
Excuse me...
271
00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:53,592
Are you Sean Astin, the actor?
272
00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:57,150
- Not at the moment. - I am such a huge fan.
273
00:12:57,668 --> 00:12:58,814
That's sweet.
274
00:12:58,824 --> 00:12:59,935
Thank you.
275
00:12:59,985 --> 00:13:04,535
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
18558
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof