All language subtitles for Broad City s03e09 Getting There.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,538 --> 00:00:02,806 Dude, I really need to Zen out. 2 00:00:02,907 --> 00:00:05,041 A bird flew into my mouth this morning. 3 00:00:05,142 --> 00:00:07,110 - Eww, again? - I don't know what's going on. 4 00:00:07,211 --> 00:00:12,148 Well, what could be more Zen than yoga that's suggested donation... Free. 5 00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:14,050 You catch that, suggested donation. 6 00:00:14,151 --> 00:00:16,319 Free. 7 00:00:16,749 --> 00:00:19,623 Ooh, so it really smells in here. 8 00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:22,292 Okay, this isn't "Real Housewives" yoga, NeNe. 9 00:00:22,393 --> 00:00:25,896 Sure, it has a few flaws, but that's the price you pay. 10 00:00:25,997 --> 00:00:27,497 You catch that, that's the price you pay. 11 00:00:27,598 --> 00:00:29,299 No, I... I get it. 12 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,735 Ooh, I have the perfect spot. 13 00:00:31,836 --> 00:00:35,171 Hey, you guys, do you mind if we scootch? 14 00:00:35,273 --> 00:00:36,629 Two of us to get in here. 15 00:00:36,810 --> 00:00:38,938 Doesn't seem like enough space for us... 16 00:00:38,976 --> 00:00:40,196 - It's plenty. - Is it? 17 00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:41,901 Yep, now it is. 18 00:00:42,421 --> 00:00:44,648 Just enough. 19 00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:51,988 (uptempo Indian music) 20 00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:57,661 (sniffing) 21 00:00:59,764 --> 00:01:01,231 (farting) 22 00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:08,305 (whispering instructions) 23 00:01:08,406 --> 00:01:10,574 - Oh, yeah, you can go deeper. - Okay. 24 00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:13,076 On both shoulders. Yeah, I can feel... 25 00:01:25,456 --> 00:01:29,225 And breathe in, two, three, four, 26 00:01:29,327 --> 00:01:32,729 and out, two, three, four, 27 00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:34,864 and release. 28 00:01:34,966 --> 00:01:39,402 (all farting) 29 00:01:39,503 --> 00:01:41,338 Yes, that's good. 30 00:01:41,439 --> 00:01:43,673 Four and three and two and one-one 31 00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:46,276 Sync and corrections by rickSG www.addic7ed.com 32 00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,188 (sighing) Oh, God. 33 00:02:09,233 --> 00:02:11,901 (phone chiming) (sighing) 34 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,703 Hey, dude, what's up? 35 00:02:15,206 --> 00:02:16,840 Yeah, girl, you ready to rumble? 36 00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:19,275 Hell yeah, dude, I just got up a while ago. 37 00:02:19,377 --> 00:02:21,945 Made myself a smoothie, been packin'... 38 00:02:22,346 --> 00:02:23,416 yep, all morning. 39 00:02:23,473 --> 00:02:25,121 - Did you pack your anti-depressants? - Yep. 40 00:02:25,156 --> 00:02:26,424 - Your antianxiety? - Yep. 41 00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:28,352 - Please tell me antigas. - Yep. 42 00:02:28,387 --> 00:02:30,086 - Your vibrator? - Yep. 43 00:02:30,121 --> 00:02:32,493 Okay, do you have your electric toothbrush? 44 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:34,124 Flat iron. Headbands. 45 00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:36,960 85 SPF sunscreen for your truly precious pores. 46 00:02:37,061 --> 00:02:39,562 Great, we're both... 47 00:02:39,664 --> 00:02:41,831 totally packed responsibly. 48 00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:44,529 All right, so we're gonna be on the first subway car at Jay Street, right? 49 00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:48,104 2:45, yes. Front car... and hey, wear something sexy. 50 00:02:48,205 --> 00:02:49,472 Pssht, always do. 51 00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:53,643 Jaim?, help me pack! 52 00:02:54,912 --> 00:02:56,613 (overlapping murmurs) 53 00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:58,715 I have no time, (bleep), dude. 54 00:02:58,816 --> 00:03:00,951 Um, okay, my toothbrush, my vibrator. 55 00:03:01,052 --> 00:03:02,352 What'd she say, my meds? 56 00:03:02,453 --> 00:03:05,021 I got you, mi amore, don't you worry about it. 57 00:03:05,122 --> 00:03:07,023 - Oh, my goodness. - What? 58 00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:09,059 This is Lincoln's suitcase. 59 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,360 Yeah. 60 00:03:11,529 --> 00:03:13,830 Oh, don't cry, oh. 61 00:03:13,931 --> 00:03:16,815 I just have... y'know, sometimes I feel like he broke up with me too. 62 00:03:20,104 --> 00:03:21,204 God, are you flexing? 63 00:03:21,305 --> 00:03:22,706 - No. - Can you? 64 00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:25,208 - Okay. - Oh, God, yeah. 65 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,210 Okay. 66 00:03:31,749 --> 00:03:33,584 Uh, Abbi? 67 00:03:33,685 --> 00:03:35,953 - Do we live in a zoo? - Uh, what now? 68 00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:39,556 Because I'm pretty sure there's an elephant in the room. 69 00:03:39,657 --> 00:03:41,558 You're using my suitcase. 70 00:03:41,659 --> 00:03:43,193 Uh, this is not even close 71 00:03:43,294 --> 00:03:44,962 to being your suitcase, this is mine. 72 00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:48,778 Drew Barrymore wrote an entire article about this suitcase. 73 00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:50,167 I splurged on this. 74 00:03:50,268 --> 00:03:52,111 I thought Melodie bought me that suitcase. 75 00:03:52,146 --> 00:03:53,841 - I use it so much. - You do? 76 00:03:53,876 --> 00:03:55,105 Just once. 77 00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:57,174 - Okay. - Anyhoos. 78 00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:58,844 What's the hot goss with you and Trey? 79 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:01,645 You guys are so Vivian Leigh and Laurence Olivier. 80 00:04:01,746 --> 00:04:03,563 Okay, there's no hot goss. 81 00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:05,124 Like, it kind of ended badly. 82 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:08,769 He's actually been switching his shifts at the gym to avoid me. 83 00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,354 You want me to try to talk to him? 84 00:04:10,655 --> 00:04:11,888 I have a way with words. 85 00:04:11,989 --> 00:04:15,525 No, thank you, Bevers, but I'm just gonna keep packing, please. 86 00:04:17,795 --> 00:04:20,197 Well, if you're not gonna say it, I will. 87 00:04:20,298 --> 00:04:23,400 I'm gonna miss you too. 88 00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:26,369 And please, please text me as soon as you land. 89 00:04:26,471 --> 00:04:27,938 Get out of here! 90 00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:30,240 Fine, I'll text you. 91 00:04:30,341 --> 00:04:31,675 Thank you. 92 00:04:31,776 --> 00:04:33,543 And you don't need to bother 93 00:04:33,644 --> 00:04:35,045 cleaning up too much in here, 94 00:04:35,146 --> 00:04:36,813 I'm gonna be in and out, okay? 95 00:04:38,416 --> 00:04:39,583 - Thank you so much for everything. - Yeah. 96 00:04:39,684 --> 00:04:41,585 Have fun, and please leave the radio on 97 00:04:41,686 --> 00:04:43,053 when you're gone for Rat Bastard and her family. 98 00:04:43,154 --> 00:04:44,588 - We can afford it. - Yeah, of course. 99 00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:47,824 All right... (Jaim? muttering) 100 00:04:47,925 --> 00:04:49,159 Jaim? time. 101 00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:51,161 Yes. 102 00:04:51,896 --> 00:04:53,330 Oh, hello. 103 00:04:53,431 --> 00:04:54,998 I'm gonna call you Pablo. 104 00:04:55,967 --> 00:04:57,100 (groaning) Hey, now. 105 00:04:57,201 --> 00:04:58,168 Please don't stop. 106 00:04:58,269 --> 00:04:59,903 I'm not even looking. 107 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,007 Just forgot my highlighters. 108 00:05:04,108 --> 00:05:05,509 Nice wrist technique. 109 00:05:05,610 --> 00:05:06,877 - Thank you. - Okay, bye. 110 00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:10,881 (bleep). 111 00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:15,752 (beeping) 112 00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:19,189 (beeping) 113 00:05:20,992 --> 00:05:23,026 Hey! I saw that! 114 00:05:23,127 --> 00:05:24,107 Get back here! 115 00:05:24,142 --> 00:05:25,762 (beeping) 116 00:05:25,863 --> 00:05:27,097 (beeping) (bleep)! 117 00:05:37,008 --> 00:05:38,575 (bell chiming) 118 00:05:38,576 --> 00:05:39,963 I saw you! 119 00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:43,213 (bleeps) 120 00:05:43,314 --> 00:05:44,281 God dammit! 121 00:05:44,382 --> 00:05:45,415 (bleep) 122 00:05:54,425 --> 00:05:56,293 Please stand clear of the closing doors. 123 00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:02,032 Stand clear of the doors! 124 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:03,466 Ass! 125 00:06:03,568 --> 00:06:04,868 Abbi! 126 00:06:04,969 --> 00:06:07,337 - Ilana! - Yes. 127 00:06:07,438 --> 00:06:09,339 Dude, I can't believe we're actually doing this. 128 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,907 Yes, we're going to... 129 00:06:17,348 --> 00:06:20,016 You know, sometimes the flight is actually my favorite part. 130 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,719 Hit up Hudson News, get some adult magazines. 131 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,422 Looking at boobs is the best way to relax during turbulence. 132 00:06:25,523 --> 00:06:26,990 It's nature's Xanax. 133 00:06:27,091 --> 00:06:28,625 You know, sometimes if I forget the mags, 134 00:06:28,726 --> 00:06:31,762 - I look down at my own. - What? 135 00:06:31,863 --> 00:06:33,497 Isn't that the whole thing with adult magazines? 136 00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:34,998 Oh, I... 137 00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:36,633 Okay, I was talking about adult magazines 138 00:06:36,734 --> 00:06:39,970 like "Real Simple" or "O" or "Dwell." 139 00:06:40,071 --> 00:06:42,939 I was talking about that, too. (baby crying) 140 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,608 Watch this. 141 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:47,778 (mouthing baby's cries) 142 00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,648 (brakes screeching) 143 00:06:51,749 --> 00:06:53,250 Attention, passengers, we'll be stopped 144 00:06:53,351 --> 00:06:54,618 for an undetermined amount of time. 145 00:06:54,719 --> 00:06:55,952 A passenger at the next stop 146 00:06:56,053 --> 00:06:57,087 threw herself on the tracks. 147 00:06:57,188 --> 00:06:58,355 Thank you for your patience. 148 00:06:58,456 --> 00:06:59,823 Jesus, use a bridge. 149 00:06:59,924 --> 00:07:01,725 Selfish. 150 00:07:01,826 --> 00:07:03,093 It's okay. You know what? 151 00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:04,494 I padded the travel time. 152 00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:06,430 We are all good, we're all good. 153 00:07:06,531 --> 00:07:08,265 It's not like we left our passports or anything. 154 00:07:11,536 --> 00:07:15,071 Oh, my God... oh, my God! 155 00:07:18,075 --> 00:07:20,410 I left my passport. 156 00:07:20,511 --> 00:07:22,112 (baby crying) 157 00:07:22,653 --> 00:07:24,687 Okay, it's been 20 minutes. 158 00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:27,840 How long does it take to move a (bleep) body off the tracks? 159 00:07:28,641 --> 00:07:29,525 I'm sorry. 160 00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:30,926 Dude, I (bleep) hate myself. 161 00:07:31,027 --> 00:07:32,795 I am so sorry I left my passport. 162 00:07:32,896 --> 00:07:35,831 I'm a (bleep) baby grown-up. 163 00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:36,832 Do you have any tape? 164 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,467 Do I have any tape? 165 00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:42,037 Yeah, I have tape. 166 00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:45,841 A bunch of different kinds. 167 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:47,309 Really cute. 168 00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:48,811 Jesus, it stinks. 169 00:07:48,912 --> 00:07:50,146 Bologna? 170 00:07:50,247 --> 00:07:52,848 Ugh, it's unbelievable, right? 171 00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:54,884 It is unbelievable. 172 00:07:54,985 --> 00:07:56,285 So salty. 173 00:07:58,155 --> 00:08:00,456 Okay, so we're gonna get off at the next stop, 174 00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:02,925 Uber to your apartment, and then book it to the airport. 175 00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:04,426 Great, yes, all is good. 176 00:08:04,528 --> 00:08:05,694 All is not good! 177 00:08:05,795 --> 00:08:07,781 It's like 9/11 all over again. 178 00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:09,398 It's 9/112! 179 00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,300 Return of the 9/11s! 180 00:08:11,401 --> 00:08:13,369 Oh! Oh, my God! 181 00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,604 Okay, so if we don't move in the next 30 minutes, 182 00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:17,439 we have to have some sort of escape plan. 183 00:08:17,541 --> 00:08:19,308 You know, I once saw this documentary on Vimeo 184 00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:22,011 about these mole people who live down in the subway. 185 00:08:22,112 --> 00:08:23,512 I bet that they would help us. 186 00:08:23,613 --> 00:08:25,681 We would probably just have to give them our shoes 187 00:08:25,782 --> 00:08:27,516 and cut off a little bit of our hair, but... 188 00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:29,151 we'll get new shoes. 189 00:08:29,252 --> 00:08:32,221 Truly impressed with you at every turn. 190 00:08:32,322 --> 00:08:33,622 It's been 25 minutes! 191 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:34,790 And counting. 192 00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:35,925 (shrieking) 193 00:08:36,026 --> 00:08:38,160 - Okay, I have a fun game. - Okay. 194 00:08:38,261 --> 00:08:41,230 Let's say we were stuck in a subway forever, 195 00:08:41,331 --> 00:08:43,265 which is obviously not gonna happen. 196 00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:44,700 - Okay. - Who would we (bleep)? 197 00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:47,570 Who would we marry? Who would we eat? 198 00:08:47,671 --> 00:08:49,271 All right, I can do that, 199 00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:51,373 'cause I feel like I know a bunch of the answers. 200 00:08:51,474 --> 00:08:54,777 Dude. Def (bleep) him, "Mad Men" style. 201 00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:57,646 Some real standard narrative bull (bleep). 202 00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:01,116 Crusty old dude, hot young girl, 203 00:09:01,218 --> 00:09:04,653 and then I'd Abbi-Jeremy him to even it out. 204 00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,589 Peg. 205 00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:07,890 Okay. 206 00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:09,725 Marriage material right there, you know? 207 00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,260 - Yeah. - New Yorker. 208 00:09:11,361 --> 00:09:13,495 Bet she could teach me a thing or two, like, 209 00:09:13,597 --> 00:09:15,564 how to finish an article in the New Yorker. 210 00:09:15,665 --> 00:09:17,499 I think I would marry her. 211 00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:18,801 Wiccan wedding. 212 00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:20,469 First dance to Wicked Wisdom. 213 00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:22,671 Fist! (chuckling) 214 00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:25,741 Uhh, you know... 215 00:09:25,842 --> 00:09:27,610 Okay, I would eat that baby. 216 00:09:27,711 --> 00:09:29,245 - Is that terrible of me? - No. 217 00:09:29,346 --> 00:09:30,913 - I just would. - No, it makes perfect sense. 218 00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:32,448 She looks delicious. 219 00:09:32,549 --> 00:09:34,116 You would probably be sparing her a life 220 00:09:34,217 --> 00:09:36,585 of tragedy and terror, living down in the subway. 221 00:09:36,686 --> 00:09:38,954 Plus, I feel like babies are, like, 222 00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:40,893 the most delicious in terms of actual meat. 223 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,325 - Desperate times. - Calling for desperate measures. 224 00:09:43,426 --> 00:09:46,595 And who are we to judge our post-apocalyptic selves? 225 00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:47,930 What part would you eat first? 226 00:09:48,031 --> 00:09:49,298 Which part is the most tender? 227 00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:51,166 Probably like, the side or the butt. 228 00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:53,836 Dude, let me try something. 229 00:09:53,937 --> 00:09:55,271 Stand up. 230 00:09:55,372 --> 00:09:56,872 Okay. 231 00:10:01,378 --> 00:10:03,445 Dear God. 232 00:10:03,546 --> 00:10:04,780 Please make this subway move. 233 00:10:04,881 --> 00:10:06,315 Ilana, that's not how it works. 234 00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:08,450 You can't just rub my butt, and the train... 235 00:10:08,551 --> 00:10:11,086 (rumbling) 236 00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:13,389 Ow! 237 00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:17,760 Did it again, the power of the butt, bitch. 238 00:10:17,861 --> 00:10:20,729 I'm really happy we didn't have to eat the baby. 239 00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:23,232 Yeah. Happy. 240 00:10:30,807 --> 00:10:32,195 Where are we, dude? 241 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,298 It says we're on Sutphin Boulevard in Queens. 242 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,744 Jesus Christ! 243 00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,746 Uber surge fare is 12.5. 244 00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:39,715 They really reel you in, 245 00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:41,684 and then they wring you (bleep) dry 246 00:10:41,785 --> 00:10:43,886 with their grubby little paws right around your neck. 247 00:10:43,987 --> 00:10:45,821 Then they make you type in the surge fare again, 248 00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,923 it's like, I know... I know what it is. 249 00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,292 - It is so rude. - God. 250 00:10:50,393 --> 00:10:53,095 The ride estimator says it would be approximately... 251 00:10:53,196 --> 00:10:54,797 (chuckling) 252 00:10:54,898 --> 00:10:58,567 $1,200 from here to Gowanus back to JFK. 253 00:10:58,668 --> 00:11:00,436 I hate them. I love them, but I hate them. 254 00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:03,222 - Oh, my God. This is a sign. - Okay. 255 00:11:03,223 --> 00:11:04,700 - Yeah. - We hotwire that cab, 256 00:11:04,708 --> 00:11:07,042 drive ourselves within walking distance to JFK, 257 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,246 soak it in gasoline, and torch it so they can't trace it... Let's go. 258 00:11:10,347 --> 00:11:12,047 I was gonna say maybe we could just 259 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,066 knock on the door and see if they could drive us. 260 00:11:14,101 --> 00:11:14,950 Oh, let's try that first. 261 00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:16,318 Okay. 262 00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:24,160 Okay. 263 00:11:27,664 --> 00:11:29,198 - Hello. - Hello, sir. 264 00:11:29,299 --> 00:11:31,867 I know that this is ridiculous, 265 00:11:31,968 --> 00:11:36,038 but we would like to hire you to drive us in your taxi. 266 00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:37,973 To a few destinations. 267 00:11:39,476 --> 00:11:41,076 I couldn't be more off-duty. 268 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,412 Work is the worst, right? I get that, but listen, 269 00:11:43,513 --> 00:11:45,648 we would not be asking if it was not an emergency. 270 00:11:45,749 --> 00:11:48,150 Please, we're over on our way to a really important trip, 271 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:50,152 and I'm such a moron, 272 00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:52,354 I forgot my passport, so, I'm in trouble 273 00:11:52,455 --> 00:11:54,490 with the wife, you can understand. 274 00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:56,792 And we can't find any cabs out here in the middle of nowhere. 275 00:11:56,893 --> 00:11:58,635 This beautiful neighborhood, it's gorgeous out here. 276 00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:01,190 - Quaint. - Lovely, I might look at some... 277 00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:02,767 - So sweet. - To buy or some... 278 00:12:02,768 --> 00:12:05,116 - I don't know, rent, whatever. - Plus, there are good schools around here. 279 00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:06,402 We are begging you. 280 00:12:06,503 --> 00:12:08,037 We just need to get her passport 281 00:12:08,138 --> 00:12:09,405 and then get to JFK, or we're gonna miss our flight 282 00:12:09,506 --> 00:12:11,708 and the trip of a lifetime. Please. 283 00:12:11,743 --> 00:12:13,609 How about... 284 00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:17,613 A crisp $100 bill from my bra? 285 00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:23,786 Okay. 286 00:12:23,995 --> 00:12:25,652 All right, I guess we'll just... 287 00:12:27,257 --> 00:12:28,857 Let's roll. 288 00:12:32,996 --> 00:12:34,763 (tires screeching) 289 00:12:34,864 --> 00:12:36,398 "Fast and Furious" over here. 290 00:12:36,499 --> 00:12:37,666 How old are you? 291 00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:39,535 15. 292 00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:54,283 Okay, we're coming around the corner in five, 293 00:12:54,384 --> 00:12:56,118 four, three... 294 00:12:56,219 --> 00:12:58,320 (honking) Hold on. An old lady is pushing 295 00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,638 a baby stroller full of empty cans across the street. 296 00:13:00,673 --> 00:13:01,824 Waiting. 297 00:13:01,925 --> 00:13:04,193 She's almost across. 298 00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:06,095 Okay, now we're coming around the corner. 299 00:13:06,196 --> 00:13:08,097 Can you see my arm? I'm in the cab. 300 00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:09,265 Do you see me? I see you. 301 00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:10,733 Okay, Anhur, slow down, 302 00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:12,568 - but don't stop. - I gotcha, girl. 303 00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:14,056 - Hey! - Hi, honey. 304 00:13:14,189 --> 00:13:15,379 - Here's your passport, bye! - Thank you. 305 00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:17,606 - Yes! To the airport! - Love you, Himmelz! 306 00:13:17,707 --> 00:13:19,541 Bye-bye, baby! 307 00:13:19,643 --> 00:13:20,843 Ooh, whoops! 308 00:13:20,944 --> 00:13:22,645 Oh, my brakes! Ay, my brakes! 309 00:13:22,746 --> 00:13:24,546 Ay! Hold me closer, closer, closer. 310 00:13:24,648 --> 00:13:26,248 Yes, ay! 311 00:13:28,158 --> 00:13:29,658 (brakes screeching) 312 00:13:33,096 --> 00:13:34,630 - Thank you. - Wait, wait, so... 313 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,198 You only get so many important moments in your life, 314 00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,900 and you have to grasp them. 315 00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:38,968 Will you go to prom with me? 316 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,369 Both of you? Or one of you? 317 00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:41,771 I don't care... I think I love you both. 318 00:13:41,872 --> 00:13:43,305 Can you be in love with two people? 319 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:44,940 Yes, you definitely can. 320 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,542 That is one of the most dangerous misconceptions 321 00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:48,444 about monogamy, but we can't go with you 322 00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:49,945 because you're a literal child. 323 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,647 We're extremely flattered, though. 324 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,162 You clearly have amazing taste. 325 00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:55,184 Yeah, and don't worry, you're gonna have sex one day. 326 00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,319 I've had sex. 327 00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,355 Look at all my (bleep) bracelets. 328 00:13:59,456 --> 00:14:01,424 What the (bleep) are (bleep) bracelets? 329 00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:03,058 Kids are terrifying. 330 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,561 - Sorry. - So sorry. 331 00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:07,229 - This is ridiculous. - I'm so sorry. 332 00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,765 We just have to cut 'cause we forgot our passport! 333 00:14:09,866 --> 00:14:11,600 You know, you can understand. 334 00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,403 I'm so sorry, we just gotta slip right past. 335 00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:15,671 Right, right past. 336 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,007 - I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that. - Sorry, thank you so much. 337 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,473 So sorry. 338 00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,144 Hey, do you mind if we cut? We're late for a flight. 339 00:14:22,245 --> 00:14:23,921 - Oh, yeah, go ahead. - Thank you so much. 340 00:14:28,552 --> 00:14:30,152 Okay. 341 00:14:30,253 --> 00:14:32,254 Oh, dude, Ilana, (bleep), dude. 342 00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:33,422 Your period stain. 343 00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:36,192 No, dude, it's an old stain. 344 00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,828 It's a red herring, 'cause it's red and looks like a fish, kinda. 345 00:14:38,929 --> 00:14:40,996 I'm packing. I'm packing heat. 346 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:42,965 I have weed in my vagin?. 347 00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:44,500 Period pants are the ultimate decoy! 348 00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,877 If we get caught at the airport, we're gonna... 349 00:14:50,207 --> 00:14:51,240 Whoa! 350 00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,576 This dog is sexually harassing me! 351 00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:54,643 I am so sorry. 352 00:14:54,744 --> 00:14:56,027 Popcorn, get away from her! 353 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,680 Oh! 354 00:14:57,781 --> 00:14:59,782 Oh, my God. 355 00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:01,083 (beep) 356 00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:04,019 (beep) 357 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,855 God! My period pants worked! 358 00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:10,059 Dude, we should Shark Tank period pants, for real! 359 00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,928 Okay. Let's roll. 360 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:16,626 What the (bleep)! 361 00:15:16,661 --> 00:15:17,700 Leave it! I'll leave mine! 362 00:15:17,801 --> 00:15:19,301 No, dude, it's our whole luggage! 363 00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:20,903 - There, look! - Hey! 364 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,371 Not today, put it down! 365 00:15:22,472 --> 00:15:23,372 Oh, I was just trying to take it to the lost and... 366 00:15:23,473 --> 00:15:24,440 Yeah, sure you were! 367 00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,775 - Sure! - (bleep)! 368 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,651 Sorry! 369 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:38,889 I'm gonna throw up. 370 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,564 Coming through! Coming through! 371 00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:46,962 What a sexy stare you have. 372 00:15:47,063 --> 00:15:48,497 It's scary, too. 373 00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,799 Yes! 374 00:15:52,736 --> 00:15:54,403 Wait! We're... We're going to... 375 00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:56,572 Gate's changed. That flight's back in B-12 now. 376 00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:58,674 Come (bleep) (bleep) on! 377 00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:03,546 Hey, how's it going. Nice shirt. 378 00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:05,147 Come on, come on! 379 00:16:05,248 --> 00:16:06,982 (hissing) 380 00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:12,922 You should have taken the walkway. 381 00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:15,858 So stubborn. 382 00:16:20,363 --> 00:16:23,132 Hey, you grabbed our boards, bro! 383 00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:28,904 Ilana! 384 00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:30,472 I got an extra ticket, let's do this! 385 00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:31,674 Do what, Dale? 386 00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:33,208 What the (bleep) is wrong with you? 387 00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:44,053 Oh! Sorry! 388 00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:47,089 - You (bleep) bitch! - I didn't mean to hit you. 389 00:16:47,190 --> 00:16:48,357 We are... We're on this flight. 390 00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:49,858 It hasn't left yet. Please. 391 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,393 I was just trying to get one foot in the door. 392 00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:52,761 It's a shoe, not a foot, 393 00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,496 and it hit me, not a door. 394 00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,198 The plane is still there, we can still make it, 395 00:16:56,299 --> 00:16:57,633 - please, please, just let us on. - We're so close. 396 00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:59,171 You know what? Just, just go ahead, yeah. 397 00:16:59,369 --> 00:17:00,869 - Thank you so much. - Thank you so much. 398 00:17:01,044 --> 00:17:03,038 Thank you so, so much. 399 00:17:03,139 --> 00:17:04,306 We really appreciate it. 400 00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:05,941 We all hate her. 401 00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:07,009 Thank you. 402 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,845 You are two lucky Jews. 403 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,947 We think so, too. 404 00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:14,083 - Yes, we did it! - Yes, we did it! 405 00:17:14,184 --> 00:17:15,985 Get on the (bleep) plane! 406 00:17:15,986 --> 00:17:17,315 - Sorry. - Go. 407 00:17:19,089 --> 00:17:21,490 Oh, my God, we (bleep) made it! 408 00:17:24,236 --> 00:17:25,670 Oh, God, I cannot believe we made it. 409 00:17:25,771 --> 00:17:27,605 This is the longest ramp I've ever been on. 410 00:17:27,706 --> 00:17:30,141 I am so sorry, ladies. 411 00:17:30,242 --> 00:17:32,477 There is no more space in the overhead compartments, 412 00:17:32,578 --> 00:17:33,911 we'll have to check your luggage. 413 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,180 Actually, yours will probably be okay. 414 00:17:36,281 --> 00:17:38,216 So sleek and streamlined. 415 00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:40,751 Lincoln... had really adult taste in luggage. 416 00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:42,553 This is actually a really special bag, too. 417 00:17:42,654 --> 00:17:44,589 - It's Drew's. - Sorry, this is not your bag? 418 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:46,224 No, no, no, it's mine... I packed it. 419 00:17:46,325 --> 00:17:48,726 It's just that Ms. Drew Barrymore 420 00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:50,995 highly recommends this bag. 421 00:17:51,096 --> 00:17:53,231 If you Google, in quotes, "Refinery 29," 422 00:17:53,332 --> 00:17:54,999 in quotes, "Drew Barrymore." 423 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,167 That's amazing. 424 00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:57,902 Unfortunately, Drew Barrymore is 425 00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:00,315 the only person who could carry on something that bulky. 426 00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:01,973 This is gonna have to go under the plane. 427 00:18:02,074 --> 00:18:03,841 Okay, hold on. This bag is the bomb. 428 00:18:03,942 --> 00:18:05,710 Please just let me... I'm sure there's a spot. 429 00:18:05,811 --> 00:18:08,112 Okay, I'm gonna shut these doors 430 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,580 and take off. 431 00:18:09,681 --> 00:18:11,449 Would you like to come with us? 432 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:14,018 Mark, can you come get this bag, please? 433 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,521 - I'll take your ticket. - Thanks. 434 00:18:16,622 --> 00:18:18,055 Do you think it's gonna be okay? 435 00:18:18,156 --> 00:18:19,891 I'm sure your bag is in really... 436 00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:24,228 good hands. 437 00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:26,130 Thanks so much. 438 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:29,433 Whoa! Nice! 439 00:18:29,535 --> 00:18:31,802 International travel is amazing. 440 00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:33,070 No, this is first class. 441 00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:34,305 We gotta keep going. 442 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,208 Ms. Fessiwig, champagne or orange juice? 443 00:18:37,309 --> 00:18:38,543 Orange juice it is. 444 00:18:38,644 --> 00:18:39,911 Oh, my God. 445 00:18:40,012 --> 00:18:42,713 I know, who chooses juice over champagne? 446 00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:44,315 Ew, coach. 447 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,716 Hello. Um... 448 00:18:45,948 --> 00:18:46,918 Ilana. 449 00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:48,219 - Hi. - And... 450 00:18:48,435 --> 00:18:49,787 - Abbi. - Yes. 451 00:18:49,888 --> 00:18:52,223 I'm Jared. Welcome to Birthmarc. 452 00:18:52,324 --> 00:18:53,758 Surf's up. 453 00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,460 Oh, cool. 454 00:18:56,562 --> 00:18:58,563 For the next ten days, we will be traveling 455 00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:01,532 around the holiest place in the world, Israel. 456 00:19:01,633 --> 00:19:02,700 For free! 457 00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:05,469 - Gotcha, Jews. - Makes no sense. 458 00:19:05,571 --> 00:19:07,805 Well, our beautiful country will teach you all about 459 00:19:07,906 --> 00:19:09,640 Judaism, its rich history, 460 00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:11,409 and I'm looking at the two of you, 461 00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:13,144 its reproductive future. 462 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:15,913 We're almost home. 463 00:19:16,014 --> 00:19:18,549 - I see. - Cool. 464 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:21,552 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 465 00:19:21,653 --> 00:19:24,055 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 466 00:19:24,156 --> 00:19:26,857 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 467 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:29,126 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 468 00:19:29,227 --> 00:19:30,828 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 469 00:19:30,929 --> 00:19:33,531 Dude, we better not make any new friends on this trip. 470 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,232 - It's not about friends. - Right. 471 00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:37,835 - It's that it's free. - It's about Israel. 472 00:19:37,936 --> 00:19:39,770 It's like Africa for Jews. 473 00:19:39,871 --> 00:19:41,639 It's about our souls. 474 00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,774 People find their selves in the motherland. 475 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:46,210 - Jews! Jews! - All right, ladies. 476 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,678 Where are you seated? 477 00:19:47,779 --> 00:19:49,447 - Uh... 5-B. - I'm 18D. 478 00:19:49,548 --> 00:19:51,215 (gasping) No! 479 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,583 - No, no, no, no! - Oh, my God! 480 00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:54,018 - No, no, no, no, no... - Wait, hold on. 481 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:55,987 - Okay. - Uh, ladies, is there something wrong? 482 00:19:56,088 --> 00:19:57,421 Yes. Jared. What's up? 483 00:19:57,522 --> 00:19:58,556 We love the trip so far. 484 00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,725 We would love it even more 485 00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:02,360 if we could sit next to each other. 486 00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:04,562 This is an all-expense paid trip to Israel, 487 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:06,764 provided by your living ancestors, 488 00:20:06,865 --> 00:20:09,066 so we're seated according to match potential. 489 00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,534 - Okay. - All right. 490 00:20:10,636 --> 00:20:12,336 Okay. 491 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,174 You'll meet somebody very nice, I'm sure. 492 00:20:20,946 --> 00:20:22,346 Hey. I'm Josh. 493 00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,614 I'm a junior accountant, 494 00:20:23,715 --> 00:20:25,082 I write short stories in my spare time, 495 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,785 and I'm a tough mudder champion. 496 00:20:27,886 --> 00:20:30,187 What? I'm grieving. 497 00:20:30,288 --> 00:20:32,390 I've just experienced a loss. 498 00:20:34,393 --> 00:20:36,894 Would it kill you to try? 499 00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:42,466 Ugh. 500 00:20:42,567 --> 00:20:44,201 Enchant?. 501 00:20:51,109 --> 00:20:52,677 I miss you. 502 00:20:52,778 --> 00:20:54,345 I miss you! 503 00:20:54,446 --> 00:20:56,069 (both) To be continued. 504 00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:04,055 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 505 00:21:04,156 --> 00:21:06,157 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 506 00:21:06,258 --> 00:21:08,359 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 507 00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:10,361 Jews! Jews! 508 00:21:10,462 --> 00:21:12,396 Jews! Jews! 509 00:21:12,497 --> 00:21:14,031 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 510 00:21:14,132 --> 00:21:16,905 Jews! Jews! Jews! Jews! 511 00:21:16,955 --> 00:21:21,505 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35320

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