Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

ERIC: Previously on Boy Meets World...

To Cory and Topanga!

ALL: Cory and Topanga!

And now, I would like to give my gift

to my little brother and new sister-in-law.

Eric, this wedding was more than enough.

Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

But I do have one more thing up my sleeve.

I hold in my hand a key.

A key to the honeymoon suite

of the Philadelphia Victoria Hotel.

So that after this...

Bye! Whoo!

All right!

So, you think we're finally ready to be Mr. and Mrs. Matthews?

I think we've been ready our whole lives.

(LAUGHS) Whoo!

You stay there!

Cory, don't you want to...

Oh! Whoo!

...explore? No.

And take our time? Why?

Because there's such a thing as foreplay.

Don't need it.

Well, maybe I might.

Topanga, you've had 12 years of it. How much more do you require?

Just wait right here.

I'm sure you won't be disappointed. No! No!

Don't leave me!

I can't do this alone!

Oh, she's gone.

What'll I do?

I'll eat fruit.

"Thank you for choosing the Philadelphia Victorian for your wedding."

Isn't that nice?

"Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Harold Peterman."

Well, normally, my inquisitive nature would take over at this point.

However...

Yay yay yay!

Oh!

(LAUGHING) Oh, my!

(LAUGHS) This is so great!

I wish Shawn was here!

I think it's better that we're alone.

Yes.

That's it.

That's it?

There's nothing under these covers but me.

I have been waiting for this moment my entire life!

Yay! (LAUGHING)

And only for you.

(GASPING) Oh, Topanga, I love you.

I love you

and I love Eric.

What?

This beautiful wedding he arranged, this beautiful room

makes up for everything bad he's ever done to us.

I love you. I love you, too.

(WHISTLE BLOWING) Police!

You're kidding.

Roll away from the young lady

and put your hands where I can see them.

No! Kill me!

(GRUNTS)

Why are you guys doing this?

Are you Mr. and Mrs. Harold Peterman?

No! That's why. Come on, let's go.

(PROTESTING)

Aw, fellas, this is my wedding day. Can't you come back in two minutes?

Please! Help!

Eric! Help!

Cor, how cool is this, man?

(IN IRISH ACCENT) We get to go in the paddy wagon!

(IMITATING SIREN)

Come on, let's go, fun boy! Come on, come on!

ERIC: Can I use your nightstick?

So, are you excited?

We're finally on our honeymoon!

You gonna carry me over the threshold?

No, because the last time I did, the police broke in

and I spent the night with a guy named Sheila.

Okay, then, let's just go in.

Nuh-uh.

What? You want me to carry you?

I'm light as a feather, really.

(GRUNTS)

Ugh!

Have your way with me now.

CORY: Yay!

MAN ON P.A.: Attention Katonka guests.

Will the couple who left their dog in the piranha tank

please come claim his collar?

Is this seat taken, dear?

Actually, I was saving it for my husband, Cory.

Cory Matthews.

I'm Mrs. Matthews. That's my name now.

He's my husband. I'm his wife.

On your honeymoon, dear?

I'm a wife!

Me, too. Madeline Nelson.

I used to be Madeline Pigsniffle.

That's why I got married.

I got married because I'm crazy about my man.

Honeymoon, yes.

Last night was our first night together as man and wife.

He still sleeping?

Oh, yeah, I wore him out.

Attagirl!

Mine's sleeping, as well.

You wore him out, too?

Yes, gradually.

You know, we honeymooned here ourselves.

It's paradise here, isn't it?

Well, we come back every year on our anniversary,

but this year is very special

because we've decided to retire here.

MAN ON P.A.: Paging Mrs. Matthews, Mrs. Cory Matthews.

That's me! That's me!

(CHUCKLES) Honeymoon?

How can you tell?

I can see all your teeth.

It's true. I'm a man now.

Oh, you seem pretty happy, boy.

I was an animal, mister.

Oh, it's good in the beginning, isn't it?

It's my new favorite thing.

Hi, Mr. Matthews.

Hi, Mrs. Matthews.

Mine. Mmm.

Mine. Mmm.

Did you get my page? I told them to page you.

Then I told them to page Dr. Chocolate Pudding.

That was fun.

Cory, this is Mrs. Nelson.

She and her husband have decided to retire here.

Oh, gosh, that must be amazing.

I mean, everything on this island is just amazing.

What's it like to live in paradise?

Amazing. Amazing.

This is the softest towel that has ever graced my tushie.

Wait till you drink the water. It tastes like candy.

You guys are so lucky to be here.

You know, if we weren't here right now, we would be sitting at home

in Philadelphia, in Mr. Feeny's class.

It's probably snowing there right now.

And the sanitation department there is probably on strike.

Well, we'd be in Baltimore, watching our grandson Joey's soccer team.

The Mighty Gophers.

Mmm-hmm. She would be sitting in the car with the heater going,

saying, "Is it over yet? I'm so cold!"

I don't like the cold.

Me neither.

In fact, I'm cold right now.

Cory, it's 92 degrees.

I'm very cold.

Why don't we go in the bedroom

and go under the covers like we did before?

Cory, we're married now.

We can do it every night for the rest of your life. Ha.

Get it in writing, kid.

MAN ON P.A.: Dr. Pudding.

Paging Dr. Chocolate Pudding.

(LAUGHING) Oh, I love this place!

Oh. Oh.

I am so freakin' hot.

Honeymoon, day two.

Continuing duties as best man.

Screwed up wedding night, so must make it up to them here in paradise.

Boy, it's hot.

I am losing my train of thought.

I have decided to pass out.

(THUMP)

Mmm.

That was a very romantic thing to do.

Ah. Well, this is the most romantic place there could ever be.

You wanna dance?

Since when do you like to dance?

Oh, since I'm in the most beautiful place in the world,

staring at the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

But there's no music.

Well...

We're in paradise, Topanga. We'll make our own.

(SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Wow!

All right, how is it this hot when there's no sun out? Huh?

You hot? You hot?

(MUSIC FALTERING) You hot?

Cory, I am so relaxed here.

This place lets me forget about everything.

I know, it's so unspoiled here, you know.

It's like time has stopped.

Do you remember those cute little quaint thatched huts out on the beach?

You know, I saw this old fisherman

making a flute out of a bamboo reed.

And there was hardly any line at Starbucks.

You know what? That's it. We're stayin' here.

Really? We can stay a few more days?

A few more days here, no responsibilities,

no Feeny, no crazy Eric.

Yeah, let's stay a few more days.

Let's stay a few more days.

In fact,

let's never go home.

Right, let's just never go home.

I'm not kidding, Topanga.

Uh-oh.

Seriously, give me one good reason

why we shouldn't stay here.

Why should we go home?

Because it's where our home is.

Not if we stay here for the rest of our lives.

Topanga, we're in paradise.

Why should we leave? Let's never go home.

Cory, get real. We can't stay here.

Fine. Is that what you want?

Let's just go back to Philadelphia

and spend our youth breathing pollution

and having to bow down to the man

and then come back here

when we're too old to win the limbo contest.

Is that what you want, Topanga, to not win?

No, I'd really like to win.

Good.

Topanga, look out there!

(SPLASH)

Imagine waking up to that every single day for the rest of your life.

I think someone was on the balcony.

Who cares?

Listen, Topanga, don't you wanna stay?

Cory, nobody stays on vacation forever.

The Nelsons do.

Perhaps you'd like to tell me how we're going to make a living here.

Paradise is expensive. Did you think about that?

You think I haven't thought about that?

You think I'm not a realist? Huh?

You think I haven't thought of little Cory Jr. and Barbara?

Steven and Chloe.

Ooh, those are nice.

Let's make 'em!

How about we make a living first?

How do we do that?

Topanga, you think I haven't considered our living situation? Come on.

You think this is whimsy? This is not whimsy.

This is our future, baby.

A coconut?

Oh, yeah.

(ISLAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(HARSHLY) Hello!

(LAUGHING)

This is David Letterman.

(NASAL VOICE) And I'm Jay Leno.

I'm edgy.

I'm not. (CHUCKLES)

And here's our guest, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN AUSTRIAN ACCENT) Hello, how are you? How you doing?

I'm the Coco-nator.

(NORMAL VOICE) Thank you!

Thank you so much!

You're wonderful, you're wonderful!

Cory, guess where I've been.

Shoppin'?

We are a total success overnight!

I took out a bank account at Katonka Savings and Loan.

I took out an ad in The Katonka Times,

and I still had time to catch this fish.

Ah, what a woman!

Topanga, just think, all that time with Feeny wasted,

when my real success was right here.

Because I am

the coconut guy! (LAUGHING)

Hey, you're the wife of the coconut guy!

Yes, I am!

(APPLAUSE)

(CHUCKLES) Mrs. Nelson!

What can I carve for you?

Cory, you run this place?

Well, we decided to stay here like you guys.

I mean, you convinced us.

I just bought this entire outfit for three bananas.

That convinced me.

Ah, darn it. You know, I'm out of puka shells.

Uh, wife Topanga,

could you run to the "shell" station?

(GIGGLING) You know, You're funnier in paradise.

Oh, Frank, guess what,

the Matthews have decided to move here.

Well, welcome to paradise!

Muka toka, baby.

(CHUCKLES) Muka toka back at you!

So, who can I carve for you?

A nice Regis Philbin? His lovely wife, Joy?

Could you make me a coconut soccer player?

Look, we heard from Joey.

Your grandson?

They won.

The Mighty Gophers made the playoffs?

Eight years we watched that kid stink up the field,

and the minute we leave, he's Pele.

We'll call.

Right. We'll call and we'll wish him luck. Hmm?

Darn it!

I forgot to have Topanga pick me up some of them googly eyes.

Honeymoon, day six.

When they decided to live here,

I thought the newlyweds had caught a bad case of island fever.

But it turns out they've adjusted well to life in this place,

and I don't really know what to do.

Look, Irv, this one talks!

Oh, no.

Coconuts don't talk, Gladys.

I heard him.

All right.

Smash it open with a hammer.

Give me this. How about I smash you open with a hammer?

(SCREAMING)

You believe that?

Good morning, Fadookie!

Good morning, Bavookie!

Good morning, Ookie!

Oh, Cory, Mrs. Cory,

you two are the talk of the island.

Really, Ookie? I hope it's good.

Oh, very good.

ALL: Very good! Yes! Very good!

We think you are Katonka's favorite fun couple.

We're very impressed with how quickly you've acclimated to our customs.

Well...

I mean, I'm still having a little trouble using soup as deodorant.

Anyway, we have an election for mayor coming up,

and we'd really like you to consider running for office,

representing our Mookie-Timbala party.

Really? Who's the other party?

Communists.

This is our most important election

since our people moved here from Ohio.

Topanga, they want me to be mayor of paradise!

Hey. You two are dressed up.

Hey, guys, they want me to be mayor of paradise!

I'm gonna be Mayor McCoconut!

Frank, you wanna be my campaign manager?

They'll bring in the old vote

like it was early-bird dinner at Lawakwa's.

Sorry, kids, we've been looking for you to say that we're leaving.

You're leaving?

Our grandson, Joey, called us.

So?

The Mighty Gophers made the finals.

So? So I am going to sit and be cold in the car.

(LAUGHS) How could we miss it?

But you guys are coming back after the game, right?

Goodbye, kids.

Have a nice life, son.

How could we not?

We're in paradise.

Honeymoon, day 12.

What is paradise?

Have hunch is more than sand and water.

Want to help sister and new brother-in-law,

but don't know what's best.

What do you think, Mr. Bird?

Ah!

(SLURRING) Bird bit me.

Left side paralyzed.

Possible bad sign.

Cory. Honey?

You've been here all night. Come to bed.

You used to like that.

Sorry, I was just, uh, finishing this soccer player for the Nelsons.

This isn't a soccer player.

What?

This is Shawn.

This isn't Shawn.

This is

Shawn.

Why'd I do that?

I can't even remember doing that.

Who's this one supposed to be?

That's, uh...

Cap'n Crunch.

(SCOFFS) No, it's not.

Well, then, who else could it be?

Well, it could be... No, don't say it.

...Mr. Feeny.

Cory, why would you stay up all night making a Shawn and a Mr. Feeny?

I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, I can't remember doing that one, either.

Cory?

Yeah.

I miss them, too.

Boy, it's hot here all of a sudden, isn't it?

Isn't it hot?

Yeah, it's hot.

ALL: Hey!

The newlyweds! How was the trip?

Unbelievably great.

I almost didn't come home.

What did you bring me?

Nothing.

Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews.

Now it's official.

I expect to see you in class tomorrow.

Making up 12 days of lectures will be no easy task,

especially the way I teach.

Many nuances, you know.

You'll never know how much we missed you.

You'll never know how much we missed you.

Come on, what did you bring me?

Nothing.

So, how was the honeymoon?

Did you ever leave the room?

Yeah, we left. But then we came back.

SHAWN: What did it look like?

I have no idea. It was beautiful.

Oh, tell us about it.

Right about now, we'd be sittin' with our feet in the sand

and watchin' the sun set.

Havin' dinner between these two gorgeous little palm trees,

starin' out at the ocean.

Wow. It sounds like paradise.

Almost.

Didn't even have to finish the coconuts

of Mom, Dad, me, and Morgan for Cory and Topanga to realize

where paradise really is.

Good for them.

For me, paradise is a place I've found the best part

of being the best man.

ALL: Mmm, mmm!

Mmm! Ahh!

Ten more minutes, man.

Mmm! Mmm!

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