Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(FEENY SINGING O COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL IN LATIN)

Hey, Mr. Feeny. What's with the shrub?

Well, you know, one of my favorite duties

as high school principal

was overseeing the holiday decorations.

So, I decided to carry on the tradition here.

Oh, it's a precious little tree. Look at it.

Look. Oh.

Hey! What are you doing?

University policy.

Happy nondenominational holidays.

Well, I suppose you two are heading home for the holidays.

No. No, actually, no.

I was supposed to meet my parents in the Bahamas,

but somehow the airlines messed up my ticket,

so now I'm stuck here.

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho... It's me. It's Eric.

Hello, Mr. Matthews.

I'm glad to see you've got the holiday spirit.

What I got is 12 bucks an hour,

a 15% discount at Stuckey's department store,

and a job where I get to sit on my butt all day.

It's kind of like your job.

$12 an hour? I wish.

Okay, come over here, guys. Uh-oh.

Gifts all around.

Signed you guys up, too.

Mrs. Claus. (LAUGHING)

Elf boy.

Eric, well, thank you for thinking of me.

I was all set to spend Christmas

depressed over my ex-boyfriend.

Now I get to be Mrs. Claus. (LAUGHS)

I'm not going to be an elf.

I was depressed enough about not going to the Bahamas.

This little green pointy hat's

really going to push me over the edge.

Oh, come on, Jack.

Look, we're stuck here in town alone.

Look, we'll be working together. It'll be fun.

Oh, look how cute you are.

Yeah, plus you're going to be making, like, 5 bucks an hour.

Wait a second. You get 12 bucks an hour?

Hey. I'm Santa. You're just an elf.

Read your Bible.

Come on.

Look, Shawn, the dorms are closing,

your father's missing again,

why wouldn't you come to my house for Christmas?

Because I hate being the third wheel.

Oh, please. You know, you've been the third wheel

with me and Topanga so long,

I think of us as a tricycle.

You know, without our third wheel, what would we be?

A bicycle?

You coming or not?

I'll get my bags.

Thanks, Cory.

Merry Christmas, Shawn.

Hey! Merry Christmas.

Hey. Hey.

Merry Christmas. Thanks.

Maybe you should ask Cory if it's okay

for me to hang out with you guys this Christmas.

Angela, now that Cory and I are engaged,

Cory's family is my family.

Besides, your dad is stationed halfway around the world.

Do you really want to spend Christmas alone?

(GROANS) I'll get my bags.

Thanks, Topanga.

Oh, Topanga.

Uh, listen, there's a slight change

in our first-ever engaged Christmas plans.

See, Shawn's bunking in my room, so the...

...sex is off.

You invited Shawn?

Wait a minute. Why?

I invited Angela.

You invited Angela?

Who said you could invite Angela? She's gonna kill me!

Oh, my God. Shawn's gonna blame me for this.

Hey, why would Angela want to kill you?

Hey, why would Shawn blame you?

You know something about Angela.

You know something about Shawn.

All right. On the count of three.

BOTH: One, two, three.

Angela's still in love with Shawn.

I hate that.

I can't believe you didn't tell me.

Listen, she swore me to secrecy.

You got to tell me what you know about Shawn.

Shawn is still in love with Angela.

(GASPS) Yay.

He wrote that poem for her after they broke up.

Oh, yay.

The only reason he said he was over her

was because he thought she was over him.

Aren't you going to say yay?

No. I don't like to be predictable.

We can't ever tell them we know.

We'll betray our friendships.

Okay, here's the plan.

We tell them.

Cory, no plans.

Please tell me we'll let them do this on their own.

What kind of cockamamie is that?

Listen, it's Christmas, they love each other,

they're staying at my house.

I mean, this thing is out of our hands.

So, you won't interfere?

It's way too early to tell.

Hey! We're home for the holidays.

Hope no one minds a few extra people.

I'll get some sleeping bags.

Hey, sorry I took so long, I...

Shawn, I didn't know you were coming.

(LAUGHING) Well...

Topanga didn't tell me she invited Angela,

and I didn't tell you I invited Shawn.

Ha! Nutty.

Cory, I'm going to kill you.

Listen, this is an innocent mix-up.

I... I promise. But don't leave now,

or Shawn will think it's because of him.

I can't believe you did this to me.

I didn't know. What do you want me to do,

say she can't stay here because you're secretly in love with her?

Hey, you know what?

We're all friends here, right?

Friends who secretly love...

the holidays,

and on the holidays, all that matters is that we're together,

no matter how we really feel about each other.

Why do you always have to hit?

Die, die, die, dead! Die, dead. Die, dead!

What are you playing, Santa?

Suzy Shops-A-Lot.

You're a freak.

Hey, at least my shoes don't point up.

Look, if I wanted to hear people fight for Christmas,

I would've spent it with my ex-boyfriend.

Ho ho ho... Hold up. Hold up.

Hold up. Hold up one second.

I'm almost on level two. (VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Die, die, die, die. Die, dead. Die, dead!

Why don't you put the game down, Santa?

Yes, there's a sweet little boy that wants to sit on your lap.

Ho ho ho. Come up here, little one.

Okay, well, what do you want?

I just want my picture taken

so I can send it to my grandma

so she sends me a check.

Hmm. After she sends the check,

tell her she forgot the check.

Works every time.

Santa! Ho ho.

All right. Hey, can we get a picture here?

(CLICKS)

(FLIRTATIOUSLY) Well, hello, Mrs. Claus.

Okay.

That little kid just pinched me.

Uh, Santa, Mrs. C., elf boy...

Yeah, I just got word

that a busload of children

from Saint Mary's just arrived.

Now, these are children without parents

and no money at all,

so... You know what that means.

Yeah.

That they're not going to buy anything,

so get rid of them as fast as you can.

Oh, here comes the little darlings now.

Hello, you little darlings. (CHILDREN CHATTERING)

Wow.

No parents.

That's really tough.

You know what? We should give them a little attention.

Yeah. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, come and sit on Santa's lap.

And what's your name, little one?

Lucy.

Lucy. And what do you want for Christmas, Lucy?

I don't know.

Oh, come on, Lucy. That's Santa.

Thanks, Jack.

Is that Suzy Shops-A-Lot?

Oh, well, it certainly is.

Why... Why don't you ask Santa for one of those?

Well, I never got anything I asked Santa for.

Oh, I don't think you were asking the right Santa.

Wow, you really are Santa!

(LAUGHING)

Oh. Smile.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

There you go, Lucy. Thank you.

(EXCLAIMS) Did you hear that? I really am Santa.

I know. That's so cool.

Oh, you should've seen your faces in that picture.

They were priceless.

She really believed in us.

Oh, man, you know something? I love being Santa.

You know, it's not just, you know, putting on the suit

and getting the superpowers and everything.

I mean, it's a... I made her happy.

Look at that. I did that.

I know. Well, you look pretty happy, too, there, Santa Claus.

(SIGHS)

Elf boy, here's Santa's dad's credit card.

I want you to go and take it

and buy toys for all these kids.

You know what? I want to help out, too.

I'm going to use the money I was going to spend on the Bahamas trip.

Hmm. I'll help you shop.

Oh, I don't have any money, so...

Okay, yeah. Let's go.

Okay, who's next?

Time's a wastin'.

(LAUGHING)

Okay, Karen, let's see what Santa's got for you.

Santa for you has...

This bag.

Ooh. Okay.

(LAUGHING)

Smile. (CLICKS)

Okay. Bye-bye, Karen. Bye-bye.

Oh.

She was grateful for a bag.

She was grateful for a bag.

I know. We did really good, Santa.

You make me proud to be Mrs. Claus.

You know, spending my money for those presents

was better than any trip I could've taken.

I'm really proud to be your elf.

Well, you know something?

You guys get ready to be proud tomorrow,

because we are just starting here.

I will not rest until every needy kid gets what they ask for.

Uh-oh. Eric, nobody expects you

to take care of all the needy children.

Then why were they sent to me?

Oh, boy. Eric, we're out of money.

Yeah. See, we've done all that we can do.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Santa will not accept that, elf.

Okay.

Look, I'm telling you. We're out of toys, you know?

We just got to get a little creative.

Wait a minute. How do you suppose that we get creative?

Oh, you shouldn't have asked him that.

Oh, wow. Mr. Feeny, that's a lot of fruitcake.

Yeah, I wasn't able to hand out gifts to my new colleagues.

Oh, yeah, I'll take those off your hands.

Here. Throw them in here, man.

Apparently the tradition at Pennbrook

is to beat it out of town

as fast as humanly possible.

That's it? That's all you got? Just the fruitcake?

Yes.

Well, at least there is one tradition that is sacred.

I shall now hang up my traditional wise Santa ornament.

But...

Ooh.

Jeez. I'm sorry, Mr. Feeny.

Oh, well, not to worry.

I'll simply find a substitute.

Like this shiny red ball.

How special.

All aboard for Santa Land.

Eric, it's Christmas eve.

Hey, we were going to spend this together as a family.

I'm Santa.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, my gosh, what are you doing?

(ALL CHATTERING)

I never see them.

Hey, kids. How was ice skating?

Yuletides of fun, Mom.

But who knew it would be couples only?

I didn't, I swear.

Cory?

Will you please stay out of this?

When you and I broke up, Shawn did everything in his power

to get us back together.

Now it's Christmas. Can you think of a better gift

than doing the same thing for them?

I know your intentions are good.

Just don't push so hard.

Okay. I'll be more subtle.

All right. Who wants to string some popcorn?

Shawn and Angela!

Hey, Cory, I always string...

Here you go. Please?

(SIGHS)

So, you and me.

Stringing popcorn.

Go for it.

No, you go ahead.

Okay.

Angela, I'm not sorry that we're spending Christmas together.

I'm not either.

All right, everybody.

Tree is ready. Gather around,

and I'll light the Christmas lights.

Oh, uh, Shawn and Angela,

the tree looks so much better from right up here.

Right up on that step.

Oh. What's that? Mistletoe?

Could he be any more obvious?

Yeah, like the ice skating

and caroling weren't bad enough.

What's he think, a little holiday spirit

and we're just going to fall into each other's arms?

ALL: Oh.

It's beautiful.

I love Christmas.

What?

You kissed Angela.

Cory, don't make a big deal out of this.

Shawnie, it is a big deal.

No, not this time. She's over me and we are over each other.

Why won't you let this go?

Because Angela's still in love with you.

She didn't want to break up with you in the first place,

and I know you wrote that poem because you still love her.

What? How do you know that?

Someone told me. I mean, no one told me.

I mean... I didn't say anything.

Please don't take me to Topanga.

Okay. I want to know what's going on.

Topanga, what did you tell him?

Cory.

Angela, I told Shawn that you still love him,

and I know Topanga was telling you

that Shawn still loves you...

What?

You didn't tell her anything, did you?

No. No, I didn't.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'm thinking now's a good time.

Somebody better start talking,

and I think it should be you and me.

Let's get out of here.

Guys, wait.

I couldn't see their faces.

Did they look angry?

Ooh, yes, like that.

Has anyone seen my toaster oven?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

The Easy-Bake Oven is for rookies.

Wouldn't you rather Santa gave you

your very own toaster oven?

All right. Here we go.

Okay. Bye-bye, now. Bye-bye.

Look how happy she is about the toaster oven.

I am telling you something,

Christmas is the greatest idea anybody ever had.

Well, looks like I'm all out of stuff here.

Made all these little kids happy. (CHUCKLING)

Yeah. You're a great Santa.

Hey, and you're a great elf,

and I am a great Santa.

You know something?

I want the world's happiness to be my responsibility.

What a great job. (LAUGHING)

Oh, excuse me, Santa Claus.

Mmm. Yes, Mrs. Claus?

I think the little boy needs to speak with you.

Oh, oh, of course. That's what Santa's here for.

Come on up, little one.

Oh, come up here, my little...

Hey, you look familiar. Are you in my psych class?

I was here yesterday. My name's Tommy.

Yeah, Santa, he came with the other children on the bus.

Oh... Oh, Tommy! Of course, of course.

I remember you. I gave you the truck.

Yeah, and I came to give it back.

Well, why? What's wrong with it?

Nothing. It's what I wanted.

Well, then what's the problem?

I didn't really believe you were Santa,

but all my friends came back with stuff.

So, now that I know you're really him,

I was wondering if I can give this back

and ask for something else instead.

Of course you can, Tommy.

Anything you want.

Really? Yeah, that's why I'm here.

What do you need, Tommy? What can I do for you?

Do you think I can have parents for Christmas?

I thought just about everybody would be out celebrating by now.

Oh, well.

Thanks. Thanks.

You're welcome.

(DOOR CLOSES)

So, why can't we just tell each other how we feel?

I don't know.

It's confusing, huh?

Yeah. We broke up. We agreed to move on.

Next thing you know, we're kissing under the mistletoe.

Yeah, and letting Cory tell us how we should feel.

When we're not even sure ourselves.

Oh, no, Shawn.

I'm sure.

I love you. I've always loved you.

I just wanted you to be sure about what you felt.

(CLEARS THROAT) Well,

when we broke up, I thought I wanted to be free,

but I couldn't stop thinking about you.

That scares me.

I don't know what to do with those feelings.

You give in to them, Shawn.

Because then you'd be in love

with someone who loves you, too.

Isn't that what you want?

You are a wonderful person, Angela.

Isn't that what you want, Shawn?

I... I don't know what I want.

I'm so confused, okay?

I don't think... I really don't think I'm ready.

I opened my heart to you.

I just can't sit around like a fool,

waiting for you to be ready.

Angela...

I'm done.

It's over, Shawn.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I want to make the happiness

of the entire world my responsibility.

What an idiot.

What am I supposed to do?

I made all those little kids smile,

took care of everybody that came to see me.

No disrespect,

but why would you send me that little boy?

Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents?

Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents?

Why did you send me that little kid?

And why do I only come to you

when I need something? (CHUCKLING)

You shouldn't have to take care of everything, right?

I will take care of this.

I can be responsible for the happiness of one little boy.

What could be taking them so long?

I love you. You love me.

We're back together. Let's thank Cory and Topanga.

I mean, that's 10 minutes, tops.

Guys, do we have to wait for Eric to open our presents?

No, honey. You've been patient long enough.

How about each one of us open one?

Okay.

Hey, mine's empty.

"Your 75-bit power drill was donated

"to a child in need. Love, Santa Claus."

He also gave away my breast pump.

Ooh. This is for you.

I don't understand.

I do. Where's Eric?

He, uh... I, um...

Oh, the kids were just so cute, you know.

It wasn't just him, we all...

Yeah, yeah. See, here's the thing.

Have you ever really gotten caught up

in the spirit of Christmas,

so much so that you want to steal?

Merry Christmas, everybody. How you doing?

This is... It's okay. Come on in.

This is Tommy.

Hi.

Well, hi, Tommy.

Do you have my 75-bit power drill?

Eric, what's going on?

Well, you see, Tommy here doesn't have a family,

so I thought it'd be nice

if he could spend Christmas with us.

You know, if it's okay with everybody else.

Sure. Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah. Hey, Tommy, do you like gingerbread cookies?

Yeah.

So do I.

Yep, Tommy and I met when I was Santa.

He thought I was really Santa.

Now I know he's Eric.

Yeah. He said we could still hang out, though.

Eric said we can hang out on weekends.

Yeah, it'll be like he's got a big brother.

Well, he's a good one, Tommy.

Figured it was something I could do.

Merry Christmas, Eric.

Merry Christmas, Tommy.

Merry Christmas.

"Marley was dead, to begin with.

"There is no doubt whatever about that.

"The register of his burial was signed

"by the clergyman, the clerk,

"the undertaker, and the chief mourner.

"Scrooge signed it,

"and Scrooge's name was good upon change

"for anything he chose to put his hand to.

"Old Marley was...

"As dead as a doornail."

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