Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

What's it gonna be, Hunter?

Gambling Dan wants to know what it's gonna be, Hunter.

Ten bucks. Ten bucks.

Ten bucks.

Let me study your face.

He's studying your face.

What do you see, Gambling Dan?

He got nothing.

You got nothing, you loser. Let's see your cards. Turn 'em over.

Three kings.

Oh, no, Gambling Dan.

This has never happened before.

Wow, nice hand, Hunter. Maybe I did misread you.

Thanks, Dan. You're welcome.

You still lose. Flush.

I like the way you play. Maybe we should hang out more.

Yeah, I like you too, Shawnie. I was rooting for ya.

Thanks, Louie.

So, uh, maybe you'll join us later at Clevage.

Yeah, I'll see if I'm free.

What's this?

My best friend and roommate hosting a poker game in our room without me?

Oh, hey, it's the Major.

I thought you were with your virgin support group.

Yeah, well, the other guy dropped out.

Nice. So, uh, see you at 7:00 all right, Shawnie?

And don't bring nobody.

7:00? What's at 7:00, Shawnie?

Uh, nothing. Bunch of us are gonna go to a club.

Really? And I suppose bunch of us didn't think to invite me either.

Well, I figured you were busy with Topanga.

Well, pal, it just so happens I'm free tonight.

Topanga's busy.

See? Everything you do is based on Topanga.

Hey, I'm engaged.

I know. Sometimes I wonder if that ring's not through your nose.

No, it's right here, pal.

But perhaps one of my friends is severely jealous of what I have with her.

No, I'm not jealous, Cory.

I'll be honest with you, okay?

Whenever I'm doing something with the guys,

and I say, "Hey, how about Cory comes along?"

Gambling Dan says, "No, not Cory. He's married. He's dead."

Oh, what do I care what Gambling Dan thinks?

Why does he call me the Major?

It stands for "major wuss."

He says if there was a Whipped magazine, you'd be the centerfold.

Okay, first of all, there is a Whipped magazine.

I didn't subscribe, somehow they found me.

You tell him that.

Yeah, I'll tell him that tonight at Clevage.

Club Clevage?

Where the women parade around in little outfits

that barely cover their most private of situations?

And Angela's letting you go?

I'm not with Angela anymore, remember?

You are with Angela. No, I'm not, Yentl.

Well, you should be.

Cory, even if I was, if I want to go someplace, I go.

Well, I want to go, too.

Uh-huh. Cory Matthews at Clevage?

You blush at the beach.

Shawn, listen, I don't want to be excluded from all these things

just because I'm engaged.

It's not that. Look, I mean, let's face reality.

I broke up with Angela. You're still with Topanga.

We're in completely different situations now.

(STAMMERS) I don't care, okay?

You tell Gambling Dan the Major is going.

And what, may I ask, are you gonna tell your fiancee?

I will tell her what I want to tell her when I choose to tell her

or I will tell her or I won't. It's all up to me.

So you're gonna tell her?

It's out of my hands.

Where you going? Nothing.

You have no right to judge us.

Yeah, why are you asking so many questions?

We're not hounding you about what you're doing.

I'm doing a midterm paper on the influence of women on male bonding.

(SCOFFS) There isn't any.

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Males were bonding on this planet

long before women ever arrived.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

This paper's worth half my grade.

I've been praying to come up

with a specific case that I could observe, but so far I haven't.

Look, we're just going out, okay?

We're men doing what men do. And you know something?

Quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of all the scrutiny,

the badgering, the nit-picking. It's gotta stop.

Don't ask us when we're coming home either,

'cause, quite frankly, it's none of your business.

Yeah. 'Cause we're in college now, huh? Uh-huh.

You know that? We're in college. Oh, yeah!

You're not the boss of us.

Mmm, huh?

Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.

Thank you.

What nerve!

Trying to make us feel guilty for going out.

I'm telling you, it's that female intuition garbage, man.

You see, they sense when a man's about to do something fun

and they try to spoil it.

Yeah, well, it ain't gonna work on us.

No way, J. (LAUGHS)

Maybe we shouldn't go.

Get in.

(LAUGHS) There's something you don't see every day.

Yeah, look, an outie.

You know, if the doctor had just tied a neater knot...

Cory, Cory.

Before we get to the guys, could you age up about 30 years?

Hey, look. It's Mr. Topanga Lawrence.

What's up, Major?

You're not nice.

Oh, what's the matter, Major, too much action for you?

You didn't get enough love as a child, did you?

Beat him up, Dan.

Naw, I'm sure his wife does that for him, already.

I'm not married, okay? You see this? It's an engagement ring.

I'm engaged. So nuts to you.

You're not helping yourself.

What kind of guy wears an engagement ring?

I mean, come on, what is that? (LAUGHS)

Cory's just really not like everybody else, you know. He's unique.

Marches to the beat of a different drummer.

What does that mean?

I hate it when people say crap I don't get.

He's a good guy.

Listen, I don't need you to defend me, Shawn.

Well, look, he's here. That's a start.

Hey, guys.

Hey, you're new here. I haven't seen you before.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) I'd like a hamburger and French fries.

Cory, Cory, what are you looking at?

The ceiling. Why?

(STAMMERS) Because I'm uncomfortable is why.

Hi, how ya doing?

Ooh, I think she likes you, Major.

No. (LAUGHS) She doesn't like me.

She doesn't even know me.

I do like you. He's cute, Danny. Where you been hiding him?

Oh, he doesn't get out much. He's married.

(NERVOUS LAUGH) No, I'm not married. Don't listen to him.

I'm just here for a hamburger and possibly the beverage of my choice.

Well, if you're not married, why are you wearing a ring?

Ah, it's an engagement ring.

Oh, this is a bachelor party?

No. Oh, boy. No. Girls! We got a bachelor party!

The cute one with the curly hair.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, gosh. Okay. Okay, girls. Okay, okay, okay, girls!

This isn't necessary.

Okay, you're all wonderful and special in your own individual ways,

but you're smothering me with your...

Oh, Clevage.

Now I get it.

Cory, enjoy it. It's just fun.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, this is nice. It's not so bad,

and besides, what bad could happen?

Right, Topanga?

(YELLS)

Engaged. Wrong. Must poke eyes out.

No, no, Cory, no. Eye poking bad.

Cory, if Dan sees you bail,

there's no way you or I will ever be able to repair

the damage done to your reputation.

Shawn, maybe he's right. Maybe I am just Mr. Topanga Lawrence.

Cory, will you just take the ring off?

Why? Because it's strangling you.

Good boy.

No, no. You know what, Shawn? I don't know about this.

I mean, I want to be one of the guys, but I gotta take my ring off.

I don't feel like I belong here.

I don't feel like you belong here.

I don't even feel like Eric belongs here.

Hey, nurse, how 'bout some chow?

Okay, maybe Eric.

You know, I don't know why we thought we had to sneak out.

I mean, look, this is just a harmless, college-town gathering place.

Uh, yeah, to us.

But Rachel would see this place as a sleazy, low-life den of iniquity.

Hi, could I have a tuna on white?

You want to cut the crusts off that for me

and serve it in triangles the way my mommy does?

Thanks, Tiffany.

She'd think this place would be frequented

by the degenerate scum of the earth, you know?

Hello.

(LAUGHS) Cory, what are you doing here?

Why? Does it strike you as odd that one such as I

would be found in a place like this?

Does Topanga know you're here?

Oh, what does it matter? I'm with the guys tonight.

Hey, does Rachel know you guys are here?

(LAUGHING) Rachel? Whoa, whoa. We don't care what Rachel thinks, okay?

She's just our roommate.

Why would you even ask a question like that?

Well, she looks surprised to see you.

Hey, guys. Having a good time?

Not... ...anymore.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Think tonight was good for both of us, Cor.

You know, it really put you over the hump with the guys.

Yeah, Shawnie, this may come as a bomb shell,

but that guy Dan is a jerk.

Well, Cory, jerk is normal.

This is what single guys do in college.

So this is what you broke up with Angela for?

To hang out with guys like that?

This is what you want?

No, I want you to let me live.

I'm my own man now, okay? I do whatever I want to do,

I go wherever I want to go,

and I don't have to answer to anybody.

Where you guys been?

Movies. Babe II: Pig in the City.

Cory, you and I were supposed to see that together.

Well, he'll definitely go again 'cause it was a great movie (LAUGHS)

And he loved it and what's funnier than those mouses,

and we all know how I feel about...

We went to Clevage. ...little pink pigs.

You should, 'cause you are one.

Oh, come on, don't be like that. It's just a restaurant.

And besides, you can't be mad at me.

Hello, drama queen,

we're not going out together anymore, remember?

We're just friends.

You're right. You go where you want.

Hey, come on. Hey.

Cory, can we go inside and talk about this?

No, I'd prefer to talk out here

because the light is so lovely.

And you look so lovely, so I think...

I think we're gonna stay right out here.

Or here is fine.

Cory, why? Before you say anything,

I just want to state that as a man

I am entitled to certain rights and privileges.

I understand. So as a man,

I went with other men, and did man things

because I do not want to be thought of by those men as...

How do I put this delicately?

Whipped? You could at least let me say it.

Cory, I'm not mad at you.

But you're disappointed in me.

I understand your need to be one of the guys.

The only thing that's important to me

is that we are always honest with each other, okay?

You're not just being understanding now,

but actually harboring bitterness and resentment that'll fester over the years

until one day you hack me apart in my sleep, right?

No, Cory, that would be wrong.

Yeah, I mean, you don't go around hacking people, right?

No, you don't.

So let me ask you this. You think of me as my own man, so I can do anything I want?

I trust you, Cory. Do whatever you want.

Well, what if I don't want to? Then you don't have to.

Good. Because the food is no good and the service is just crazy.

If you think that's best.

I do. Now come here, huh? Give me some sugar.

What else is new?

Gambling Dan wants to see you.

He's right there, you pigeon.

He just called me a pigeon.

You are a pigeon.

Then it's true.

Dude, you were the man tonight.

When those waitresses attacked you...

Okay, I was jealous.

You know, I admit I must've had you pegged all wrong.

Especially, you know, since you stopped wearing that stupid ring.

I mean, come on, what kind of a guy wears an engagement ring?

Yeah. My ring!

I gotta stop looking to the past.

I need to look to the future.

(SCREAMS)

You know, the future is also no good.

So just because you were all understanding and mature about this,

you really think Cory's not gonna go back to that place?

I know he won't, Angela. It was a one-time guy thing and it's over.

Well, I bet Shawn's back there right now with all the other pervs.

Well, I guess as long as some women choose to wiggle around half naked,

there'll be men who go to see them.

(SCOFFS) Women don't choose to work in a place like that.

They're forced into it by circumstances.

I work there.

Joan, you do?

Yeah, because I need... Stop.

You need go no further, my sister. I know the profile.

Broken home, years of abuse, then a child out of wedlock,

forcing you into financial chaos and a life of degradation and sin.

I'm a cook.

It's okay. Angela's a little bit sensitive these days.

Is this place really that bad?

It's harmless.

I mean, the girls wear more than you'd see them wear at the beach.

I'm on my way to work now. You want to check it out?

Yeah. I'm kind of curious to see what Cory finds so fascinating.

You know, I just don't understand it.

We have been here all night and it's like you two aren't having any fun at all.

Well, frankly, we're appalled by what's going on.

Ma'am, I'm not a chair.

Oh, come on, don't let me stop you from having fun.

I'm just observing for my paper, that's all.

For Yeager's class?

Oh, yeah, that's where I know you from.

What's your topic?

Women and their influence on male bonding.

There isn't any. Now, Ma'am, would you mind covering up. I'm trying to eat.

Eric, stop it.

Look, all my paper's gonna say is that the two guys that I'm getting to know very well

are inhibited in the presence of their female roommate

from behaving normally in a male-oriented environment.

That's right. Thanks to you we understand women a lot better

and hold ourselves to a higher standard of morality.

Really? Yeah, really.

I mean, ever since you moved in, we learned this new maturity.

And every time you're around, well, we're reminded of it.

Oh, I'm flattered. Thanks, guys.

Oh, good. You should be. Now get out, it's time for the tushy dance.

Enjoy.

Excuse me, which way is the lost and found?

Over there next to day care.

Okay.

Hi.

Hey, it's the groom.

You had such a good time you decided to come back for more?

No, no, actually I decided to come back for my ring,

which somehow came off during the festive evening that we spent together.

Uh-huh, well, maybe it's in here with all the other rings

which just happened to come off.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

Clevage presents its world-famous tushy dance.

(ALL CHEERING)

My ring. I found it! (LAUGHS)

I found it. I'm saved! I found my ring!

Everything worked out! My tush touched hers.

(WHOOPING)

See, there's nothing shocking here.

Cory, what are you doing?

What are you talking about?

You're tushy-dancing.

I am not. I'm looking at you.

No, this isn't me.

I really wish you would stop doing this.

Why aren't you wearing your ring?

Oh, I was. See, I had to come back here to pick it... Because I left it

and I had to get it back. Topanga!

Topanga. Topanga, listen.

There's a perfectly logical reason for what happened.

Really? I'd love to hear it.

Good, good, good.

You know, this is so funny.

You're gonna laugh, Topanga. You really are.

See, um...

I didn't go back to that place tonight to do the tushy dance.

I only went back because I left my ring on the table

and I had to go back and get it.

Why would you take off your ring?

Because they were calling me "the Major."

Listen, there are some places where a guy goes

where he feels uncomfortable wearing a ring.

And most guys don't even wear a ring before they get married.

And even some married guys don't wear rings.

Cory, I never asked you to wear an engagement ring.

You saw mine and said, "Pretty, I want one."

Yeah, that's because I didn't expect all the men to hate me for it.

But you should see them, Topanga. They really do hate me.

I mean I stick out every place they go together.

Poker games, steam baths, cockfights.

Cory, don't you realize that the people

you so desperately want to be accepted by

would probably rather have what you have?

What do I have?

Me.

Oh.

I mean, someone who cares about them.

That's all that the ring is about, Cory,

that I have somebody that cares about me.

But I care about you whether you want to wear the ring or you don't.

If I want to play poker, I'm playing.

Go. Play.

And if I want to play me a little touch football

on the field with the boys, I'm playing.

You go and run real hard.

And if I want to take my ring off... No.

You either wear the ring or you don't.

Why?

Because I have feelings, too, Cory.

Hey, Matthews. Poker game. My room.

Dig this, you're actually invited this time.

This is great, man. There's two poker games

on the same day I get my allowance check from Mom.

Yeah, ironic, isn't it?

Hey, Shawnie. Hey, Cor.

You still hanging out with those guys?

Yeah, it's either that or sleep. You coming tonight?

Yeah, save me a seat.

But if I don't show up, it's probably 'cause

I'm having a better time with somebody else.

Good for you guys.

You know, Shawn, you're always invited to hang out with us.

I know, Cor.

(SIGHS)

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