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1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:02,400
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:27,191
Hey, hey, you in college?
I'm in college. Woo-hoo!
3
00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:28,427
College!
4
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:29,528
College!
5
00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:31,663
Cor, Cor, Cor,
calm down, okay?
6
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:33,732
Nobody knows us yet.
7
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,133
I don't want to be immediately
established as the "woo-hoo" boys.
8
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,868
Okay, okay.
9
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:38,169
This is us.
10
00:00:38,237 --> 00:00:40,305
Wait, Shawn. We can't
just go in this room.
11
00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:43,708
I mean, this is big. You
can't just open this door.
12
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:46,377
Cor, we're not in high school anymore.
That crap just has to stop.
13
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:50,916
(EXCLAIMS IN AWE)
14
00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:53,885
It's so beautiful.
15
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:56,621
No. No. "Beautiful" is not
a strong enough word.
16
00:00:56,689 --> 00:01:00,926
A better word is,
like, sucks.
17
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:03,127
Give me a spoon. I'm digging
a tunnel right now.
18
00:01:06,765 --> 00:01:07,699
Wow.
19
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:09,434
What's the matter?
20
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,269
You brought pudding
to college!
21
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:14,072
Hey, I got one for you.
22
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:18,376
No. Shh. Shh. Shh.
Listen to me.
23
00:01:18,443 --> 00:01:21,713
No pudding.
No woo-hooing. Okay?
24
00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:23,715
You're right. You're right.
We're in college now, fellow.
25
00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,416
This is a chance to
reinvent ourselves, right?
26
00:01:25,484 --> 00:01:27,418
We can be
anything we want.
27
00:01:27,486 --> 00:01:31,022
No. No reinvention, okay? You can be
yourself, just without the pudding.
28
00:01:31,089 --> 00:01:32,557
Because I swear
on my mother,
29
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,358
wherever the hell
she is,
30
00:01:34,426 --> 00:01:36,494
if I get to be known as
pudding boy's best friend,
31
00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:38,696
I will kill you.
32
00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:40,532
You can't ruin
my mood, Shawn.
33
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:43,334
Hey, Cory.
34
00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:45,937
I think when you bolted from the
car yelling, "College, college,"
35
00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:47,805
I think you
forgot something.
36
00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:49,240
My pudding trunk.
37
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:55,213
This is exciting,
isn't it, Cor?
38
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,448
My little boy
in college.
39
00:01:57,516 --> 00:02:00,051
Gone for four years.
40
00:02:00,119 --> 00:02:01,119
Boy!
41
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,421
Well...
42
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,490
(CLEARS THROAT)
43
00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:09,760
Well, hey, thanks for
raising me. See you.
44
00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:11,996
Yeah, come on, guys,
let's go. Time is money.
45
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:13,598
See you
in four years.
46
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,468
I'll miss you, Morgan.
47
00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:17,768
That's not fair.
48
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,704
Oh.
49
00:02:19,771 --> 00:02:20,939
Oh...
50
00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:23,007
Come here.
51
00:02:23,575 --> 00:02:24,709
Shawn?
52
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,911
Ah, sure. Why not?
53
00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:28,679
ALAN: Oh, yeah.
54
00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:31,549
Oh, Alan, I'm gonna
miss my baby boy.
55
00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:34,619
Mom, you didn't get
like this for Eric.
56
00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:36,020
He doesn't know
we're here, does he?
57
00:02:36,088 --> 00:02:37,588
Uh, let's get out of here.
58
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:43,461
Shawnie, we're here.
We're in college.
59
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,196
Yeah. Yeah,
it is pretty cool.
60
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,766
Hey, look, Angela, I found
us some college guys.
61
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,768
She means us.
Ah!
62
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:53,004
Well, the four of us
are here at Pennbrook.
63
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,439
Well, let's check it out.
64
00:02:55,908 --> 00:02:57,708
(SIGHS)
65
00:02:57,776 --> 00:03:00,445
(SOFTLY) Cory, remember,
we're in college now.
66
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,047
Nobody knows us.
Be cool.
67
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:03,681
Right, yeah.
68
00:03:03,749 --> 00:03:07,285
Okay, look, we got
hallways, rooms,
69
00:03:07,352 --> 00:03:09,387
and co-ed bathroom.
70
00:03:09,454 --> 00:03:11,555
Oh, see, Shawny?
71
00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:13,925
In college, girls
are not called girls.
72
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,693
They are called "Co-eds."
73
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:19,563
Boy, is she butch.
74
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,035
Cory, the bathroom
is for men and women.
75
00:03:25,237 --> 00:03:26,671
Both?
At the same time.
76
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:27,972
Just like on
Ally McBeal.
77
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,274
(MOCKINGLY) "Just
like on Ally McBeal."
78
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:30,608
Let her go
in there!
79
00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:32,576
Cory, it's no big deal.
80
00:03:32,644 --> 00:03:34,279
I'm going in.
81
00:03:35,948 --> 00:03:37,248
Aw, come on.
82
00:03:37,316 --> 00:03:39,383
I just got comfortable
going in front of guys!
83
00:03:46,959 --> 00:03:48,960
Registration.
84
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,762
Here is where we
make the decisions
85
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,031
that will determine
who we are
86
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,599
and what we know
87
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:56,001
for the rest
of our lives.
88
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,502
Oh, shut up.
Cory, we're freshman.
89
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,104
There's really no big
decision to make here.
90
00:03:59,171 --> 00:04:01,072
It's anything that says
"101" or "Intro to."
91
00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:03,108
Sure, if you wanna
go the safe way.
92
00:04:03,175 --> 00:04:04,342
Here we go.
You see...
93
00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:05,944
I was studying my course
guide last night.
94
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:09,981
Now, the old Cory would've gone down
that road of safe and easy courses,
95
00:04:10,048 --> 00:04:12,617
but I refuse to be
trampled by the masses
96
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,086
registering for a little
course I like to call
97
00:04:15,153 --> 00:04:16,688
"Introduction
to mediocrity."
98
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:17,889
You done?
Yeah.
99
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,057
Good.
Okay.
100
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:26,364
Cattle.
101
00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:27,532
This looks good.
102
00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:33,237
Hey, come on,
we gotta get going.
103
00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,139
Yeah, let's
get going, Rachel.
104
00:04:36,675 --> 00:04:38,176
(SOBBING)
105
00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:42,213
Idiot!
You made her cry.
106
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:46,284
"Rachel." That's what my
boyfriend used to call me.
107
00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:50,654
What?
108
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:52,523
Hey, come on, there's
gonna be plenty of time
109
00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,392
for that stroll-down-
memory-lane later there, babe.
110
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,194
I got to get there before Hooked
on Phonics gets filled up.
111
00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:00,698
Eric, come on, man.
Can't you see she's upset?
112
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:07,004
Obviously, I don't have
your power of perception.
113
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:10,441
What?
114
00:05:12,644 --> 00:05:14,379
Everything!
115
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:16,147
Okay. That's good. It's out.
Everything's out.
116
00:05:16,248 --> 00:05:18,583
Move, move, move.
Let's go.
117
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,418
I just don't know
what I'm doing here.
118
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,253
I mean, we had plans. We
were gonna live together.
119
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:24,855
We were gonna go
to college together.
120
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:26,424
We were gonna
get a doggy.
121
00:05:29,794 --> 00:05:33,264
I know. Feels like your whole world
is turned upside down, right?
122
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:40,204
School's about
to start.
123
00:05:40,272 --> 00:05:43,307
You're living with two guys you don't
really even know in some strange town.
124
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,710
Everything's just kind of
hitting you at once, right?
125
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,980
You know, Jack, that
is exactly how I feel.
126
00:05:49,047 --> 00:05:50,381
Oh, you are
so sensitive.
127
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:53,151
Oh, thanks.
128
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:55,753
I just wish
I had some way
129
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,755
to pull myself
out of this, you know?
130
00:05:57,823 --> 00:05:59,123
I've got the perfect thing.
131
00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,458
Eric, this is
not the time.
132
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,261
Nonsense, Jack. It's
always the time for...
133
00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,296
(GASPS)
134
00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:08,166
(SINGING
LITTLE CABIN IN THE WOODS)
135
00:06:15,206 --> 00:06:16,206
Eric!
136
00:06:16,274 --> 00:06:18,175
(BOTH SINGING)
137
00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:21,512
Come on, Jack!
138
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,247
No!
139
00:06:23,314 --> 00:06:25,215
(BOTH CONTINUE SINGING)
140
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,820
(BOTH LAUGHING)
141
00:06:29,888 --> 00:06:31,255
Oh, you are
so much fun.
142
00:06:31,322 --> 00:06:32,557
Yay, me.
143
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,260
And you are so caring.
144
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,599
Boy, you know what?
145
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,268
If you two were one guy, I
would be in real trouble.
146
00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:44,402
(LAUGHS)
147
00:06:44,469 --> 00:06:45,469
Huh!
148
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,974
"One guy."
149
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,075
No.
150
00:06:54,746 --> 00:06:56,514
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
151
00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:58,349
You're already
done registering?
152
00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,618
Yeah. I registered,
153
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,886
I got my books,
154
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:05,290
and I bought each of us
a Pennbrook sweatshirt.
155
00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:06,457
Huh?
156
00:07:06,525 --> 00:07:08,827
Go, penguins!
157
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,328
Don't ever do that.
158
00:07:13,131 --> 00:07:14,432
"Quantum physics,
159
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,666
"Theoretical calculus,
160
00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:17,735
"Inorganic chemistry,
161
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:19,169
"Forensic pathology?"
162
00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:23,708
Is this your son,
Mr. Johnson?
163
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,611
Oh, Cory, Cory, Cory,
how do I put this delicately?
164
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,513
Could you be
a bigger moron?
165
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,949
Why would you
ask me that? Why?
166
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:33,284
Because your college career
is over before it starts.
167
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:35,553
(LAUGHS) Somebody's jealous.
168
00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,221
Cory, you've taken on
an impossible load
169
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:38,923
that will eventually
crush you to death.
170
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:42,660
I know, but I figure we'll have ten
or 12 good years together first.
171
00:07:42,761 --> 00:07:44,128
(LAUGHS)
That's a good...
172
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:46,096
All I wanted you to do
is stop with the pudding.
173
00:07:46,164 --> 00:07:49,233
What is this? Do you even
know what quantum physics is?
174
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,102
Um, hi. That's what
they're gonna teach me.
175
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:53,738
If I knew what
quantum physics was,
176
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:56,574
I would've tooken quantum
physics 2, now, wouldn't I?
177
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,276
Have you looked at this?
It's gibberish.
178
00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,678
It's not gibberish.
You're gibberish.
179
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:03,213
It's new and exciting,
just like me.
180
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:05,850
So nuts to you, you jerks.
181
00:08:08,353 --> 00:08:10,287
Uh, excuse me there,
Professor.
182
00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:12,156
Um, my friends
seem to think
183
00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,392
that I've taken on an impossible
load with quantum physics
184
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:17,495
and that I'm gonna have some trouble
understanding the course material.
185
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,563
Well, I could give you
a brief synopsis,
186
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:21,966
and you can decide
for yourself.
187
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,002
On the first day,
we start off with...
188
00:08:24,069 --> 00:08:25,636
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
189
00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:28,606
And then we focus on...
190
00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:30,708
(CONTINUES TALKING GIBBERISH)
191
00:08:32,110 --> 00:08:34,345
(BOTH TALKING GIBBERISH)
192
00:08:37,415 --> 00:08:39,316
Excuse me.
We have a staff meeting.
193
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:45,923
Everything's fine.
(CHUCKLES)
194
00:08:48,593 --> 00:08:51,529
And I know that this is not
about quantum physics.
195
00:08:51,596 --> 00:08:52,930
It was just
my nervous psyche
196
00:08:52,998 --> 00:08:54,198
that heard
the professor say...
197
00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,267
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
198
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,169
And that doesn't scare
me for two seconds,
199
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,239
but is there any way
that you could possibly
200
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:04,108
get me out of every course that
I signed up for this year?
201
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,609
You're feeling
overwhelmed?
202
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:06,777
Yes.
203
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:09,314
Well, you are not alone
in feeling that, son.
204
00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:12,283
Yeah, I'm...
205
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:14,585
I'm just worried that I
can't drop these courses
206
00:09:14,653 --> 00:09:17,955
and that, you know, I've ruined
my entire life in one day.
207
00:09:18,023 --> 00:09:19,356
Nonsense. You can drop
any course you want,
208
00:09:19,424 --> 00:09:20,725
and you can pick up
any course that's open.
209
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:22,025
(SIGHS)
210
00:09:22,093 --> 00:09:24,995
Good. I want
everything 101
211
00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:27,431
or anything that starts
with "Introduction to."
212
00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:29,900
Oh. Those are gone.
213
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:32,070
Yes, um, I know
that they're gone,
214
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:34,672
but I told you,
I made a terrible mistake.
215
00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:36,507
Now, will you
please fix it?
216
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,309
Oh, you want me to fix this?
217
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:40,377
Well, I can't do that.
218
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:44,448
What do you mean?
219
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,418
I mean those
courses are closed.
220
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,987
I know that they're closed,
but I told you,
221
00:09:50,055 --> 00:09:52,957
I made a terrible mistake. I accept
full responsibility for that.
222
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,860
Now, will you
please help me?
223
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:58,662
Son, did you know that one
in three new students
224
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:01,498
won't make it through
their freshman year?
225
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:02,766
Why are you
telling me that?
226
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:04,836
Because college isn't
for everyone, son.
227
00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:08,773
And if you find just simple
course selection so overwhelming,
228
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,574
well, perhaps you need to
consider if it's for you.
229
00:10:10,642 --> 00:10:13,243
Look, you're
my guidance counselor.
230
00:10:13,311 --> 00:10:15,179
I get into trouble,
and you guide me out.
231
00:10:15,246 --> 00:10:17,447
That's gonna be
our relationship, yes?
232
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:19,984
This is college.
The real world.
233
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:23,320
The relationship you're talking about?
It doesn't exist here.
234
00:10:23,388 --> 00:10:24,822
I'm sorry.
235
00:10:24,889 --> 00:10:25,923
Buh-bye.
236
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,193
You lied to me.
237
00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:32,029
You filled me with
all this education.
238
00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:34,164
But you never
prepared me for life.
239
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,437
I'm sorry.
Have we met?
240
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,375
You failed me, Mr. Feeny.
241
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,377
Several times,
I believe.
242
00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:48,078
You didn't prepare me
for college.
243
00:10:48,146 --> 00:10:49,647
You didn't prepare me
for life.
244
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:53,851
I'm in way over my head, and I
have no idea how I got there.
245
00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:55,853
It's good to see you,
Mr. Matthews.
246
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,456
It's good to see you, Mr. Feeny.
That's a nice hat.
247
00:10:58,523 --> 00:11:00,124
Anybody know
you're here?
248
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,660
You mean does anyone know I screwed
up college on my first day
249
00:11:02,727 --> 00:11:04,895
and flew to Wyoming
on my air miles?
250
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:07,398
Air miles? Where
did you get those?
251
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:09,700
Pudding labels, baby.
Got me to Omaha.
252
00:11:09,768 --> 00:11:11,636
Bused in from there.
253
00:11:11,703 --> 00:11:13,704
I met a Native American
and a militia guy.
254
00:11:13,772 --> 00:11:16,206
"Casinos good.
Government bad."
255
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,176
So. How's, uh...
How's retirement going?
256
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,146
Oh, well, I'm having
a wonderful time.
257
00:11:22,213 --> 00:11:25,549
Yeah? Well, what's so great?
Tell me about your day.
258
00:11:25,616 --> 00:11:28,019
Well, after spending 40
years as a schoolteacher
259
00:11:28,086 --> 00:11:30,121
setting my alarm
to wake up with the sun,
260
00:11:30,188 --> 00:11:32,456
I now wake up
whenever I want to.
261
00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,725
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
262
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:37,228
And then I have a big breakfast
with some of the boys.
263
00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:39,130
You got boys?
264
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,165
I do.
265
00:11:41,232 --> 00:11:43,468
And then we do whatever
our hearts desire.
266
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:46,437
For example, today,
we decided to go fishing.
267
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:50,174
Fishing?
Mmm-hmm.
268
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:54,145
All day. This is all... That's all
you do all day, is just fish?
269
00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:56,280
Well, there's more
to it than just fish.
270
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,082
I mean,
we swap stories,
271
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,817
enjoy the outdoors,
272
00:11:59,884 --> 00:12:03,153
and more importantly,
each other's company.
273
00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:07,891
I had a company once,
until my son-in-law stole it.
274
00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:10,160
Easy, Ned. You'll blow
your pacemaker.
275
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:12,662
So, basically,
Mr. Feeny,
276
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:14,798
if I'm understanding
this correctly,
277
00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:18,135
you guys, you do
absolutely nothing.
278
00:12:18,203 --> 00:12:19,236
I wouldn't
characterize it...
279
00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:21,438
No, he's got it.
280
00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:23,173
No pressures,
no commitments,
281
00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:27,978
no decisions, and no way to
screw up anything at all.
282
00:12:28,046 --> 00:12:30,480
Cory, perhaps you'd be good
enough to explain to me
283
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:33,017
why you traveled
all this distance
284
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:35,019
just to insult me.
285
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:37,854
Insult you?
George, I envy you!
286
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,824
I mean, this is the next best
thing to being in a coma!
287
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:42,126
Huh?
288
00:12:43,795 --> 00:12:45,729
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
289
00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:58,875
(DOOR CLOSES)
290
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,411
Oh, it's you. Get lost.
291
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:03,814
What are you doing?
292
00:13:03,881 --> 00:13:06,417
Hey, shut your cake hole, Irene.
I'm sensitive, all right?
293
00:13:06,484 --> 00:13:07,784
Rachel's gonna
come back here.
294
00:13:07,852 --> 00:13:09,353
She's gonna see how sensitive
I am, know that I'm all man
295
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:11,888
and not half-man
like your sorry tushy.
296
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,391
Congratulations, man. You're
officially in the Idiot Hall of Fame.
297
00:13:16,161 --> 00:13:17,828
That hurts me,
but I understand
298
00:13:17,895 --> 00:13:20,898
where it's coming from,
and it's okay.
299
00:13:20,965 --> 00:13:23,400
Eric, you're trying to change who you
are just to get her to like you.
300
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,469
She's gonna see right
through that, man.
301
00:13:25,536 --> 00:13:27,538
No, she's not. She's gonna
come back and fall for me
302
00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:30,007
and fall deep into my
trap of sensitivity.
303
00:13:33,211 --> 00:13:35,546
All right.
As your friend,
304
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:38,549
I'm begging you not to make
a fool out of yourself.
305
00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:40,851
All right.
As a friend,
306
00:13:40,919 --> 00:13:43,186
I'm begging you not to make
a fool out of yourself.
307
00:13:43,254 --> 00:13:45,188
Huh? How was that, man?
308
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:46,257
It's like looking
in a mirror, huh?
309
00:13:46,324 --> 00:13:47,324
It's Face Off!
310
00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:49,826
(IMITATES LASER WHIRRING)
311
00:13:49,894 --> 00:13:53,430
Eric, Jack. Jack, Eric. You don't
even know who you are anymore.
312
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,599
Hey, guys.
313
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,134
(MIMICS SOBBING)
Hello, Rachel.
314
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:01,005
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
315
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:05,676
Eric, what's the matter?
316
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,811
It's the children.
It's the children.
317
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:11,448
The children?
What children?
318
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,418
All of them. They're so little.
You just...
319
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,819
Please don't
make me go on.
320
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:18,889
'Cause the world is
a melancholy place
321
00:14:18,957 --> 00:14:20,625
where human
relationships
322
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:22,893
must rise
to the forefront
323
00:14:22,961 --> 00:14:24,562
of our too brief
experience
324
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,964
on this insignificant
swirling blue orb,
325
00:14:27,031 --> 00:14:30,301
until we're extinguished
like a flickering flame.
326
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,769
Ow! That hot.
327
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:37,808
(SCOFFING)
328
00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:45,115
Oh, Eric, that is the most
sensitive thing I've ever heard.
329
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:49,720
Would you go with me
to do laundry?
330
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:51,589
What?
331
00:14:51,656 --> 00:14:53,457
I'm sorry, Jack. I need
to be alone with Eric.
332
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,159
You do?
She do!
333
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,396
I feel your pain, buddy, I
do, but get outta my way.
334
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:03,967
We've got to attend
to the delicates.
335
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:05,402
Yes, we do.
336
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:09,306
She's gonna see right through
me, though, isn't she?
337
00:15:09,373 --> 00:15:11,341
(LAUGHS) Dude,
this is her bra!
338
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,511
Get...
339
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:22,520
Nice day,
huh, Walter?
340
00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:24,154
Yep.
341
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:26,857
Who's up
for a movie?
342
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:27,924
Hmm?
343
00:15:27,992 --> 00:15:29,359
That's a pretty
good idea, George.
344
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,428
Uh-huh!
345
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:32,129
Why don't we wait
till it rains?
346
00:15:32,196 --> 00:15:33,931
Why can't we
do it now?
347
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,466
Well, we're fishing now.
348
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:38,369
Fish are really jumping.
349
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,106
No, they're not. I haven't seen
a fish since I've been here.
350
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:43,707
Take it easy, George.
351
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:45,909
We've got the rest of our
lives to catch a fish.
352
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,779
Walter makes an awful
lot of sense, George.
353
00:15:48,846 --> 00:15:52,249
No, he doesn't. And his
name is not Walter.
354
00:15:52,317 --> 00:15:53,050
It's Cory.
355
00:15:53,184 --> 00:15:56,453
Cory is too young
a name to be here.
356
00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:58,789
Cory's too young
to be here.
357
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:00,424
I'm too young
to be here.
358
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:02,927
(LAUGHS)
Good one, George.
359
00:16:02,994 --> 00:16:06,263
Look, Mr. Matthews, I have
indulged your little fantasy
360
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:09,800
for a weekend hoping that you
would come to your senses,
361
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:13,337
but obviously, no one here
comes to their senses.
362
00:16:13,404 --> 00:16:15,673
Now, don't insult
our way of life, George.
363
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:18,943
I'm sorry, Ned. I'm just not
ready for your way of life.
364
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,844
We'll miss you, George.
365
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:22,412
Back to school, Walter.
366
00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:27,918
You know, Rachel, I'm glad you
noticed the sensitive side of me
367
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,955
as well as the
devil-may-care side.
368
00:16:31,022 --> 00:16:33,557
You have it all, Eric.
Everything a girl could want.
369
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,996
(STUTTERS) Thank you.
370
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:41,098
Uh, why'd you
lock the door?
371
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,000
Well, if it was open, then somebody
could come in, couldn't they?
372
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:45,603
And then they'd take
all the best machines.
373
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:48,405
That's good thinking
there, Rach.
374
00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:51,708
(LAUGHING) No, no, no, silly.
See, I brought you here
375
00:16:51,776 --> 00:16:54,979
because I've never found you more
attractive than I do right now.
376
00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:56,746
(GRUNTS)
Whee!
377
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,917
I am so hot.
378
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:02,686
Are you?
379
00:17:02,753 --> 00:17:05,355
Yeah. I'm hot.
This dryer's on fluff.
380
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:08,125
So am I.
381
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,060
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
382
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:12,629
Rachel, what are you doing?
This shirt's clean.
383
00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:14,764
I know. I just wanted it
smushed up a little bit.
384
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:17,501
Oh, smushing's good. I like smushing.
I think...
385
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,836
No. No. No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
386
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:22,773
Rachel, this is wrong.
387
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,442
Oh, come on. What's the matter, Eric?
Don't you want me?
388
00:17:27,011 --> 00:17:28,312
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,180
But not in the laundry room.
390
00:17:30,248 --> 00:17:32,549
I mean, I always figured
that if we ever did do this,
391
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:36,253
it would be in some
romantic fleabag motel.
392
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,288
Hey, if you went to all the trouble
to be the perfect man for me,
393
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:41,291
then the least I could do is
be the perfect woman for you.
394
00:17:42,426 --> 00:17:44,294
This isn't you.
395
00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:46,864
I don't like this you.
396
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,632
You don't?
397
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:49,733
Then what do you
want me to be?
398
00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:52,235
Sensitive? Funny? A brunette?
399
00:17:52,303 --> 00:17:53,871
I just want you
to be yourself!
400
00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:56,607
I mean, if you're not
yourself, then what are you?
401
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,175
Somebody else.
402
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:01,211
Right. And if you want to be
in a relationship with me,
403
00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:03,780
then I want you to be
there, not somebody...
404
00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:05,449
Oh, I get it.
405
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:11,255
And I want you to be the funny,
wonderful person you are.
406
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,624
'Cause that's
how I like you.
407
00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:15,092
Promise me you're
not gonna change, okay?
408
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:17,528
(SCOFFS)
409
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,596
'Kay.
410
00:18:19,697 --> 00:18:21,064
One condition.
411
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:22,566
Okay, anything.
412
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:23,500
Put me back
on the dryer.
413
00:18:23,568 --> 00:18:24,969
Okay.
Whoo!
414
00:18:25,036 --> 00:18:27,938
(BOTH LAUGHING)
415
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:32,242
I understand you've dedicated
your life to teaching, Mr. Feeny.
416
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:35,545
But that was at the high school level.
This is college.
417
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:37,881
As I understand it,
high school serves
418
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,551
to prepare you for college.
Am I correct?
419
00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:42,119
Well, there are
5,000 incoming freshmen
420
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,122
who were able to register correctly.
He wasn't.
421
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,524
Perhaps he wasn't
adequately prepared.
422
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,428
You know something, Myron?
423
00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:54,865
Out of all my nephews,
I hate you the most.
424
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:58,201
Come on, Cory.
425
00:18:58,269 --> 00:19:00,037
There's nothing
to be done here.
426
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,840
Mother will be calling you.
427
00:19:10,815 --> 00:19:12,282
Mr. Feeny, I'm sorry.
428
00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:14,685
I feel like I failed you.
429
00:19:14,752 --> 00:19:17,821
I guess I didn't prepare
you as well as I should.
430
00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:20,591
Maybe it's just
as well I retired.
431
00:19:20,658 --> 00:19:22,759
No. No. No.
Mr. Feeny. The things...
432
00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:24,561
The most important things
that I learned from you
433
00:19:24,629 --> 00:19:26,296
have nothing to do
with the courses
434
00:19:26,363 --> 00:19:28,665
that I'm taking here
in college, anyway.
435
00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:29,933
Really?
436
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:31,802
Yeah. I mean...
What I learned from you
437
00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:34,471
was mostly about life
and how to make friends
438
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:38,308
and how to help and support
the people you care about.
439
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,743
That's what you
taught all of us.
440
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:42,746
How you doing,
Mr. Feeny?
441
00:19:42,813 --> 00:19:44,381
Howdy.
442
00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:46,617
Thank you for bringing
my Walter home.
443
00:19:46,684 --> 00:19:48,151
Hi.
444
00:19:48,219 --> 00:19:50,220
Listen, I'd love to chat,
but Mr. Feeny and I,
445
00:19:50,288 --> 00:19:52,722
we gotta start
studying for quantum...
446
00:19:52,790 --> 00:19:55,059
Whatever it is
I signed up for.
447
00:19:55,126 --> 00:19:56,626
Here.
448
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:58,362
What's this?
449
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,563
It's your schedule. You
have two classes with me
450
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,565
and three with Shawn.
451
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,534
I figured you'd
want it that way.
452
00:20:04,602 --> 00:20:06,670
I don't get it.
How'd you do this?
453
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,905
Well, we each signed up
for an extra class...
454
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:10,540
And then
we dropped one...
455
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:12,843
And signed
you up instead.
456
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,978
And then we got your books and
returned them for the right ones.
457
00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:18,315
You did? How'd you
know to do this?
458
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,684
Hey. We had the
same teacher you did.
459
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,791
So I'm ready to
start college now?
460
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:30,127
I think you are,
Mr. Matthews.
461
00:20:31,195 --> 00:20:32,930
I think you all are.
462
00:20:39,437 --> 00:20:42,206
Now, you promise me you're not
gonna change who you are?
463
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:43,707
You like me
like I am?
464
00:20:43,774 --> 00:20:45,542
Very much.
465
00:20:45,609 --> 00:20:46,977
I do have a sensitive
side, you know.
466
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:50,013
I know. Can I have
my bra back, please?
467
00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:51,849
Nope.
468
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:55,118
You see?
You are funny.
469
00:20:55,186 --> 00:20:57,688
And nobody should
change the way they are.
470
00:20:58,556 --> 00:20:59,756
(SQUEAKING)
471
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,427
(HONKING HORN)
472
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:11,134
Laundry room?
Yeah, laundry room.
473
00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:14,438
Come on, Jack.
474
00:21:16,474 --> 00:21:17,908
I'm going to
the laundry room.
475
00:21:20,644 --> 00:21:22,779
Next time, ask before
you borrow my bike!
476
00:21:22,829 --> 00:21:27,379
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