Original subtitles

This looks like it, Shawn.

I think it's gonna happen.

She's taking the necklace off.

Ooh, locket in the pocket.

Come on, come on. "And I never want to see you again."

- And I never want to see you again. - Yes! Yes!

Veronica Watson is back on the market.

- All right, but you better act fast. - No, no. I...

I should respect what she and Dennis had, and give her time to get over it.

All right, then.

Veronica, I saw what just happened with you and Dennis.

Look, if you're asking me out for Friday night, I really don't think I'm ready.

Yeah, I understand.

- How's Saturday? - Perfect.

Beautiful. I'll pick you up at eight.

That was a good move because word of their breakup was bound to spread quickly.

(all) Veronica!

Sorry. I'm busy Saturday.

(all groan)

Busy Saturday, she is. Busy, busy, busy.

Man, I wish I could be a fly on that wall.

- Maroon, you're gonna be there. - Even better.

- But I'll ask my parents if it's OK. - Why would you do that?

Because you're staying with us this weekend, remember?

- Mr. Turner's going out of town. - What? I never heard that.

Shawn, I was standing right there when he told you.

Where was I?

Look, my parents are cool when Topanga's over.

You know, until ten o'clock.

A ten o'clock curfew. Cory, that means if I pick her up at eight that only gives us...

Oh, that stinking metric system.

John! John!

Boy, it's good... No, it's great to see you.

You just saw me in class 20 minutes ago.

Then why the heck do I miss you so much?

- Tell him how good he looks. - You look good.

Have you dropped a few LBs?

- Not my stereo again. - Nope, still drying out.

- So, listen, my friend Cory over here. - Hi.

He tells me you're going out of town this weekend.

What do you mean, he told you? I told you myself.

Remember, I looked you right in the eye and I said, "I'm going out of town."

"You're staying at the Matthews'." Don't you listen?

What?

Do... you... listen?

- He's asking if you listen. - Oh!

Oh, yeah, well, I try. John, we talked about this.

When adults talk I hear this buzzing sound.

Well, then I'll talk over it.

I'm going out of town. My buddy Chris is getting married.

You're staying at the Matthews'. I rented a tuxedo. You got me?

People get married every day.

- Excuse me, Shawn, may I? - Please.

How many times does a guy get a date with Veronica Watson?

That's right, Mr. Turner.

The Veronica Watson.

Oh!

Oh, well, look, I'll just cancel.

Did I?

Yeah, yeah. I'll return my nonrefundable plane ticket.

My buddy Chris will just push back his wedding.

300 chicken Kievs will have died in vain.

That way, the world can make Shawn Hunter happy.

Oh, come here, man, I want to thank you. You really touched me, man.

Are you kidding me?

You're staying at the Matthews' this weekend. You got me?

- Yeah, I got you. - (bell rings)

Saturday.

No.

A date with Veronica Watson at your house. Cory, what's the point?

Excuse me, Shawn.

Let's just say a certain Topanga Lawrence has never complained.

I mean, sitting on the couch, the two of us have enjoyed many a Blockbuster night.

- With your folks there? - Look... you just worry about Veronica,

I'll take care of the rest.

I'm gonna dedicate this date to you, man.

- How do I answer that? - (Feeny) Oh, Mr. Turner.

A reminder. Please start Monday morning's staff meeting without me.

It was the only time I could get in to see the dentist.

Sure, George, no problem.

- Anything serious? - No, just a checkup.

Actually, I find a visit to the dentist...

oddly pleasant.

Well, maybe they'll find a cavity, then you can really party.

Oh, Mr. Matthews. A question.

Uh...

Who's the French guy that fixed the milk?

The clock is ticking, Mr. Matthews.

What the heck are you talking about?

A piece of unfinished business. That ten-page paper you owe me.

What? The semester just started. You never said anything about a paper.

Louis B. Pasteur. Huh?

I'm talking about the paper that was due last year.

Oh. I forgot about that one. Came up with that milk guy, though.

You saw that. You were here.

Now, I suggest you get that paper to me by Monday,

or your incomplete will become an F... completely.

It's not gonna happen, Mr. Feeny, I've been working on it all summer.

Up here.

- Where it's safe. - Yeah.

(Eric) Yeah, it's on something called the "Manhattan Project"?

Yeah, OK. I'm gonna need overnight delivery.

A bibliography? Yeah, what the heck? Slap one of those puppies on there.

No, thank you, Carl. You guys provide a real service.

I love you, man. All right.

"Term papers by Gerard. If you get a D your paper is free."

"Credit-card orders accepted." Eric, you don't have a credit card.

Oh, I do now. Some bank sent me one. What, are they stupid, or what?

Like I got the money.

- What, no calls? - Oh, right, Topanga called.

Sounded important. Said she'd be at the number for, like, a half hour.

It was about an hour ago, so I didn't write it down.

Eric, I've been upstairs all afternoon waiting for that call.

How could you do this to me?

Settle down, Cory. You're acting like this is the first time.

- Well, it's the last time, bub. - Hey, little bro.

Life's tough. Get a helmet.

Hunter!

Hey, you're staying with us this weekend. That's great.

You guys don't spend enough time together.

Why don't you guys just wear, like, one big shirt?

- What did he sit on? - Just forget about him.

Listen, all systems are definitely go for you and Veronica tomorrow night.

- Deets, man. - All right.

My parents made reservations at the Hillside Grill.

- Ah, fine steak there. - Indeed.

However, due to circumstances beyond their control - me -

their reservations have been canceled. That means at least an hour wait.

I'm thinking by the time they get home, you'll be on your second date.

- That's great, Cory. - What are you doing?

- (muffled) I'm resting my lips. - Huh?

I'm resting my lips. Thanks. Now I have to start over.

Oh, Shawn, you have great lips.

- They're so... - Well-rested?

(Amy) Oh!

Pretend I'm not here.

- OK. - Shawn.

- What? You heard her, she's not here. - Oh, but I am. Take a breather, Shawn.

Mom, Dad, you can't possibly be home this early.

You had reservations at the Hillside Grill, right?

Yeah, we did, but they lost them. Turned out fine, though.

We found a great little place right across the street.

Yeah, cozy booths, candles...

The most romantic meal I can remember in the longest time.

And in under 90 minutes.

- They still open? - We can take a hint.

Come on, Alan, let's go make some coffee.

No, no, no, I'm OK right here.

- Ooh, fly fishing. - (fishing reel winds in on TV)

Just messing with you.

It's great, great. Now you're all alone again. Good.

Oh, me?

Sorry.

I think that's the last of them. So where were we?

Oh, I don't know about you, but I was right...

- (doorbell) - I got it! I got it! I got it!

- Mr. Matthews. - All right. Mr. Feeny, welcome to my date.

I thank you.

Mr. Matthews, look what was accidentally delivered to my house.

- You almost got away with it. - Away with what?

Did you actually think your little ploy would work?

I mean, I thought I had a chance. I had this moment of weakness. I was...

- What I have in my hand... - I know, Mr. Feeny.

- ...because of a delivery foul-up... - I am so sorry, Mr. Feeny.

...is a receipt for three dollars and 75 cents. Pay up, bucko.

I can't get anything past you! Hello?

Here you go, Mr. Feeny. Here's a five - you can keep that change.

Oh, joy. Early retirement.

Shawn, is this the weirdest date you've ever been on?

Not really. On one blind date I got fixed up with my Uncle Mary.

Long story.

- Hey, George. How are you? - Just in time for coffee.

- Oh, I don't mind if I do. - Oh, good. It's decaf, though, it's not...

- (all talk at once) - People. People, people, please!

Can't you see the man here is on a date?

I mean, that's Veronica Watson, for crying out loud.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Don't make me come back there!

I'll pull this car right over. Don't think I won't.

My God, I'm turning into my father.

All right, we're here.

You think you could take it around the block a few more times?

Out.

Good night, Veronica. Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Shawn, aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

No! The door. Walk your date to the door.

- I don't think so. - Why not?

I get out of this car, I ain't never coming back.

Shawn, forget it, the date is over. Just take another shower.

I can't. I used up all the cold water.

Cor, I gotta get out of here. I gotta see her.

Now there's a shock. I can't believe it. Shawn Hunter breaking curfew.

You know, I was thinking, one night when you stay here, could you actually...

Oh, I don't know... stay here?

Cory, your mom and dad are down there making out!

God bless 'em.

They're blocking my escape route. How am I gonna get out of here?

- Oh, Shawn... - Let me think.

Let me think. I could climb up the chimney, over the roof...

- Shawn. - ...and down the drainpipe.

- Shawn! - What?!

My parents are in the backyard.

- That's what I've been trying to tell you. - Yeah, so that means my front door,

that big hunk of wood in the front of my house, is wide open.

Cory...

what exactly are you saying?

I'm saying...

you could go out the front door.

Me go out the front door?

You know, that's so crazy it just might work.

Prepare to enter Hotel del Shawn.

(soft music)

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

- Oh, this is bad. - This is bad.

- Is this bad? - It's pretty bad, honey.

Look, Jonathan, this isn't what it looks like.

- What is it? - Well, um...

See, you're her favorite teacher and she wanted to see where you live.

- Nice. - Yeah, well, that about wraps up this tour.

- Next stop, Feeny's. - Stay.

Shawn, what do you take me for?

Jonathan, how about I leave now and I'll drop this girl off?

OK. All right. Thanks, Kris.

- I'll call you later. - All right.

Shawn, what could you possibly be thinking?

Well, you saw her. There's not much to think about.

You were supposed to be at the Matthews'. Shawn, if I can't trust you...

OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. I...

I just thought...

Hey.

Hey, wait a minute, how was the wedding, pal?

- That's not the point. - Yeah, yeah, Pittsburgh.

The Big Apple, the City of Angels.

OK, look, we're getting a little off the subject here.

Yeah, that tuxedo, does it come in tuxedo?

Hey, enough! I'm the adult here, you're the kid, remember?

What's that mean? You can lie and I can't?

Look...

I need a little privacy, OK? I got my own life, you know?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was cramping your style by living here.

This is my place! I don't have to defend myself.

Yeah. Yeah, your place. That says it all.

Shawn! Hey!

(motorcycle engine)

(door opens)

Jonathan, was that your motorcycle or did the shuttle just land?

I'm sorry, George. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm looking for Shawn.

Yes, well, I always knew that arrangement of yours had the potential

of ruining one's private life.

George, my private life is far from ruined.

I meant mine.

(woman) George! Where do you keep your towels?

Well, as I said...

I'll be late Monday morning.

Dental appointment.

Dental appointment?

She is my dentist.

Hi, Jonathan. Great to see you, always a pleasure.

Now is not a good time, OK? Bye-bye.

Wait, wait, Alan, Alan. It can't wait.

- I'm looking for Shawn. - Right now, right this moment?

Yeah.

Come on in.

Shawn!

Could you come down here please?

As you probably can tell, I am not Shawn.

- Where is he? - Well, that's the beauty here.

I don't know. And you know what? I am glad I don't know where he is.

For once I don't have to cover for him. Feels good telling the truth.

- Good night, everybody. - Good night.

Aren't you supposed to be in Pittsburgh?

Yeah. Yeah.

- That hurt. - What hurt?

Well, I messed up. I told Shawn a little white lie.

I told him I was going out of town for a wedding, and actually...

I didn't go anywhere. I stayed here with a date.

Ooh, let me guess. Shawn showed up with his girlfriend at your apartment

and caught you and your date.

- Oh, you're good. - A lot of years, pal.

Alan!

The bathtub is full.

The champagne is poured,

the candles are lit...

and Jonathan's here.

- What a sweet, wonderful surprise. - I'll be right up.

Oh, great. Then we can finish that conversation we were having.

Night-night.

Sorry.

So am I.

Listen, I'm gonna take off. I'm gonna go look for Shawn.

Oh, really? Where?

I don't know.

Alan, what the heck was I thinking when I asked Shawn to come live with me?

I'm a single guy. I'm not ready to be a parent yet.

Hey, I got three kids and I'm still not ready.

Jonathan, I've seen you with Shawn. You're great with him.

I wasn't so great an hour ago.

So, you made a mistake. You didn't break him in half.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're only human.

Yeah, why do I feel so stupid?

Well, welcome to the parent club. Alan Matthews, member since 1978.

What got you in?

First time, Eric was four. I lost him in an amusement park.

He rode the Colossus for six hours.

The Colossus? The one with the...

Mm-hm. And then the...

Yeah, you're gonna make mistakes. The trick is learning how to deal with them.

Huh.

The Manhattan Project didn't even happen in New York, it happened in New Mexico.

What a bunch of goofballs. Call it the "New Mexico Project," who's gonna know?

I could've been a scientist if I wanted.

Six hours, huh?

Round and round and round and round...

Where were you? Another wedding?

I was out looking for you.

Yeah, well, I took off.

I realized there was no place to go, so when I got there I came back.

So here you are. Now what do we do?

- You tell me, you're the adult. - Hey, listen.

I'm new at this. I'm just making this up as I go along.

I mean, you didn't come with instructions there, Shawn.

You lied to me.

Yeah, I did.

Shawn, I'm sorry. I should have just been straight with you.

You were no angel, by the way.

15-year-old kids should not be bringing back girls to empty apartments.

- So, what are you gonna do? Kick me out? - Shawn, come on.

Every time one of us messes up doesn't mean somebody's got to take off.

We gotta talk these things out, OK?

So look, we both messed up, all right?

We'll just... do it right next time.

John, do you ever feel like the walls are sort of closing in...

and you got no place to go where you can just be alone?

Yeah. That's probably why I tried to run my little scam.

Yeah, it's why I ran mine.

Look, if you want to be alone with your girlfriend, you can just tell me.

- I can find things to do. - Legal things?

In certain states.

OK, I believe you.

And if I wanna be alone with my girlfriend, you'll get lost too, right?

Hey, I had to take a shot.

- Are we OK? - Yeah. We're good.

It's your move.

- Veronica's behind the couch, isn't she? - Man, I was that close to telling you.

Yeah.

- Hi, Mr. Turner. Nice place. - Yeah.

Huh? Veronica Watson!

Ah, Mr. Matthews, there you are. I've just graded your paper.

You know, Mr. Feeny, I don't know if it was the topic or I was just in the right mood,

but I almost enjoyed writing this paper.

Interesting, yes.

But your assigned topic was the Manhattan Project.

The paper in my hand with your name on the cover is about Abraham Lincoln.

- It's the strangest thing. - Uh, wait, uh...

What?

Well, if I recall, this is a copy of a paper written by Shawn Hunter last year.

"Abraham Lincoln: The Best Beard in History."

I particularly liked his comparative analysis.

"Colonel Sanders -what's up with that?"

Hey, Mr. Feeny, see, I paid for this paper.

I mean, I wrote this paper. I mean...

All right, look, Mr. Feeny, you got me, OK? I ordered the paper

through a term-paper writing service I saw in the back of a magazine.

Ah.

- Term Papers by Gerard. - Yes.

- They're good. - Wait, that still doesn't explain...

I mean, how did my paper get switched with Hunter's?

Hey, big bro. Life's tough. Get a helmet.

Excuse me, Mr. Feeny, I've got to go make some more room at the breakfast table.

(screams)

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