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1
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Dre: You know what truly
makes America great?
2
00:00:06,198 --> 00:00:07,832
Community.
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,778
Americans understand
that it takes teamwork...
4
00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,337
to make the dream work.
5
00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:15,273
This country is a giant
melting pot of people...
6
00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:17,041
who are committed to building
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00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:18,810
a better life for everyone.
8
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,145
And even though we may have
different mind-sets...
9
00:00:21,213 --> 00:00:24,115
we all agree that if our
community survives...
10
00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:25,783
this country survives,
11
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,386
only if everyone does their part.
12
00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:32,790
And that's what truly makes
America great.
13
00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:34,492
[Elevator bell dings]
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[Elevator bell ding]
15
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:47,438
16
00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:57,239
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
17
00:00:58,117 --> 00:00:59,550
Stevens: Mm, mm, mm.
18
00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:01,085
The horror.
19
00:01:01,153 --> 00:01:02,687
The horror.
20
00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,055
Mm.
21
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:06,658
I can't believe you
abandoned a 3-year-old.
22
00:01:06,725 --> 00:01:07,926
I think she was 4.
23
00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,827
You monster.
24
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,195
If you watch closely,
25
00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:14,198
you can actually see her
tiny spirit being crushed.
26
00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:17,068
Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity.
27
00:01:17,136 --> 00:01:20,452
Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity.
28
00:01:20,472 --> 00:01:22,674
That is how serial killers are born.
29
00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:24,375
Okay, look, I know it looks bad,
30
00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:26,244
but that is a little white girl.
31
00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:27,679
And as a black man...
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No!
33
00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:30,915
No.
34
00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:33,677
You do not get to play
the race card today.
35
00:01:33,697 --> 00:01:35,213
Not with that.
36
00:01:35,788 --> 00:01:37,088
Charlie: Sorry I'm late.
37
00:01:37,156 --> 00:01:39,337
There was a little
snowflake on the elevator,
38
00:01:39,357 --> 00:01:40,657
so I had to take the stairs.
39
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,392
- Me too.
- Careful, Dre.
40
00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:44,361
Someone's out there setting traps.
41
00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:45,429
I don't understand.
42
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:47,698
Why are you two so afraid of a baby?
43
00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:49,800
We don't have the luxury
of being helpful
44
00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:52,369
because we're instantly seen as threats.
45
00:01:52,437 --> 00:01:53,870
Well, that's just common sense.
46
00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:56,206
I see any adult male as a threat.
47
00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:58,175
The point is, we can't get away
48
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,476
with half the stuff that you guys do.
49
00:01:59,544 --> 00:02:02,379
[As Ralph Kramden]
One of these days, Alice, pow!
50
00:02:02,447 --> 00:02:03,747
Right in the kisser.
51
00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,682
["Dragnet" theme plays]
52
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,219
How is it all right
for Ralph Kramden to say that?
53
00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:11,499
- Pow! Right in the kisser?
- It's so fun.
54
00:02:11,519 --> 00:02:14,491
America's favorite
TV character's catchphrase
55
00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:16,526
is to punch his wife in the mouth
56
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,861
if she says another word.
57
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,097
Yeah, but he was a lovable Teddy bear.
58
00:02:20,164 --> 00:02:21,419
What?
59
00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:23,573
If I was a TV character,
my catchphrase would be,
60
00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,041
"Oowee."
61
00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:27,143
In the show, my wife name would be Wee.
62
00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:29,079
And every week, she'll go
one step too far,
63
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:30,180
and I'll punch her in the mouth.
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00:02:30,247 --> 00:02:31,443
Stop.
65
00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:33,983
- Ch-Ch-Charlie.
- Relax. It'd be a cable show.
66
00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:35,452
Look, I'm sorry I'm late, boss.
67
00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,687
There's a little white
girl in the elevator.
68
00:02:37,755 --> 00:02:39,055
Almost had me.
69
00:02:39,123 --> 00:02:41,324
I saw my freedom flash
right before my eyes.
70
00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:44,160
So, some of my co-workers didn't get it,
71
00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:47,163
but I knew my family would.
72
00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,098
Mm-hmm.
73
00:02:48,165 --> 00:02:50,118
I married a monster.
74
00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:53,685
To be fair, as a black man,
we can never be too careful.
75
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:54,804
- Mm-hmm.
- [Sighs]
76
00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:57,894
I remember my first little
white girl in an elevator.
77
00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:02,512
[Inhales sharply]
78
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,247
Well...
79
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,515
You did the right thing, son.
80
00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:06,560
- Dre: Mm-hmm.
- I'm proud of you.
81
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:08,047
- You're proud of him?
- Damn proud.
82
00:03:08,115 --> 00:03:09,215
Okay, this is insane.
83
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,316
What do you think would have happened
84
00:03:10,384 --> 00:03:11,617
if you'd helped the little white girl?
85
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:14,053
I'm gonna help you find your mom, okay?
86
00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:15,888
All right, do you know
what floor she's on?
87
00:03:15,956 --> 00:03:16,723
[Elevator bell dings]
88
00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:18,291
- So, Andre...
- Huh?
89
00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,727
What were your plans here today?
90
00:03:20,794 --> 00:03:22,028
Rainbow: No, okay, I get it.
91
00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:25,732
You had to be guarded
to survive the N.W.A. '80s,
92
00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:27,800
but it is Drake Summer '16.
93
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:29,002
You don't have to be guarded anymore.
94
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:30,336
Whatever.
95
00:03:30,404 --> 00:03:32,071
All right, I'm not gonna let you
take this away from me.
96
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:34,173
- Pops is proud of me.
- Damn proud.
97
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:37,510
98
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,088
Guess what, guys.
99
00:03:40,108 --> 00:03:41,998
Pbbt. I'm off tonight!
100
00:03:42,066 --> 00:03:43,566
Yes! [Chuckles]
101
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:44,901
Cool.
102
00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:46,269
And if I don't have to work,
103
00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:49,472
that means you get to spend
some time with Bomby.
104
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:52,108
[Laughs] You get it?
105
00:03:52,176 --> 00:03:54,410
I'm a bomb mommy. Bommy.
106
00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:55,978
[Laughs]
107
00:03:56,046 --> 00:03:57,447
Jack's been calling me that.
108
00:03:57,514 --> 00:03:58,981
I never ca... I never called you that.
109
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:01,517
Yes, you did. Okay, listen, guys.
110
00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:03,353
I just want you to understand
111
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,421
that these are some of the last moments
112
00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:07,757
that, you know, you're
gonna get to spend with me
113
00:04:07,825 --> 00:04:09,459
because when the new baby comes,
114
00:04:09,526 --> 00:04:12,528
I'm gonna disappear
until you're, like, grown up.
115
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,097
Well, come on, new baby.
116
00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:16,599
Okay, well, listen.
117
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,702
You guys either get
to spend time with me,
118
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,838
or you go to your rooms.
119
00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,674
- Okay. Cool.
- [TV turns off]
120
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,069
- Zoey: Bye, Bommy.
- She...
121
00:04:27,089 --> 00:04:29,312
I see you found their kryptonite.
122
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,447
- You.
- [Both laugh]
123
00:04:31,515 --> 00:04:32,648
- No.
- Yes.
124
00:04:32,716 --> 00:04:34,311
- Nuh-unh.
- Mm-hmm.
125
00:04:34,331 --> 00:04:37,019
No, I'm... We're... We were
playing hide-and-go-seek.
126
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,288
- Oh.
- Yeah. 97...
127
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:40,823
- 9...
- Um... you need to stop.
128
00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:41,991
You want me to stop hide-and-go-seek?
129
00:04:42,059 --> 00:04:43,178
'Cause they're expecting me
to come find them.
130
00:04:43,198 --> 00:04:46,462
They don't want you around
because you reek of neediness.
131
00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,207
- What?
- Now, I could help you win them back
132
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,795
with just a few simple techniques
133
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:50,962
that I use on the ladies.
134
00:04:51,030 --> 00:04:53,198
No. No, Earl. Okay?
135
00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:57,812
I am not going to use
your pimp game on my children.
136
00:04:57,832 --> 00:05:00,238
No, I'm fine. [Chuckles]
137
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:01,640
100!
138
00:05:01,707 --> 00:05:05,343
Ready or not, here I come!
139
00:05:05,411 --> 00:05:07,124
[Rich Homie Quan's
"Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)" plays]
140
00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:09,147
Coming to find you!
141
00:05:09,215 --> 00:05:11,316
Sad.
142
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:13,185
So sad.
143
00:05:13,252 --> 00:05:16,024
Walked in 30,000 in my pocket
144
00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:18,223
Hey, Uncle Johan, how come I can't find
145
00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:20,258
any of your spoken-word poetry?
146
00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:22,427
Mm, They Call Me Johan.
147
00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,590
Yeah, I searched for Johan.
148
00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:27,566
No, my poet name is They Call Me Johan.
149
00:05:27,633 --> 00:05:30,402
So, technically, I guess
they call me They Call Me Johan.
150
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:33,238
And now she screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh"
151
00:05:33,306 --> 00:05:34,339
How much you made?
152
00:05:34,407 --> 00:05:36,341
Made $2 million off a mixtape
153
00:05:36,409 --> 00:05:38,210
- [Volume decreases]
- Hey, hey, come on.
154
00:05:38,277 --> 00:05:39,644
We were listening that.
155
00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:41,241
Hey, we are in Sherman Oaks,
where it's illegal to jaywalk
156
00:05:41,309 --> 00:05:44,011
and illegal to scare the Caucasians.
157
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:46,079
You're not scaring anybody. Relax.
158
00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:47,281
I know you millennials
159
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,283
like to live in your pretend
post-racial utopia,
160
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,418
but this is the real world.
161
00:05:51,486 --> 00:05:54,455
$50,000 on ya bitch she wanna... me
162
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,090
Got her screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh"
163
00:05:57,158 --> 00:05:59,104
If they're so scared, why do they know
164
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,427
all the words to Rich Homie Quan?
165
00:06:00,495 --> 00:06:02,396
Yeah, dude, Rich Homie
Quan don't even know
166
00:06:02,464 --> 00:06:04,631
all the words to Rich Homie Quan.
167
00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:07,034
She gon' wanna sex
every... in the set
168
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:08,268
And now she screamin' like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh"
169
00:06:08,336 --> 00:06:09,736
Now they're dabbing.
You're not gonna dab back?
170
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,138
No, I am not dabbing back.
171
00:06:11,206 --> 00:06:12,239
Come on, Dad.
172
00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:13,607
They're trying to show appreciation
173
00:06:13,675 --> 00:06:14,575
for you culture by dabbing.
174
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,776
And you won't dab back?
175
00:06:15,844 --> 00:06:17,578
Seems rude... Basic dab protocol.
176
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,046
I am not dabbing.
177
00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,582
Fine. We'll do it for you.
178
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,551
So I love that... the most, I do
179
00:06:24,619 --> 00:06:27,387
I'm her big dog and she my cat
and she love it from the back
180
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,990
Call her green 'cause she on go
181
00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:31,492
Now you're the only one not dabbing.
182
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,661
Stop it. Stop it!
183
00:06:33,729 --> 00:06:36,130
Hey, hey. Come to my
spoken-word showcase!
184
00:06:36,198 --> 00:06:37,898
They call me They Call Me Johan!
185
00:06:37,966 --> 00:06:40,101
[Tires screech]
186
00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:42,103
Then I walked in 30,000 in my picket
187
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:44,505
I'm not saying the world
stopped being racist.
188
00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:46,841
You just haven't noticed
some things are different.
189
00:06:46,908 --> 00:06:50,144
You got to listen so you can hear.
190
00:06:50,212 --> 00:06:52,013
I'm trying to teach you, Dre.
191
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,116
I couldn't possibly hate you
any more than I do right now.
192
00:06:55,183 --> 00:06:58,085
Look, I'm serious.
Come get blessed at my showcase.
193
00:06:58,153 --> 00:06:59,854
I spit gems on this topic.
194
00:06:59,921 --> 00:07:02,990
I stand corrected. I can hate you more.
195
00:07:03,058 --> 00:07:05,993
So, Dad, are you saying
Uncle Johan is wrong?
196
00:07:06,061 --> 00:07:07,161
Yes, Junior.
197
00:07:07,229 --> 00:07:08,863
Things are just as
racist now as they were
198
00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,798
the first time they canceled Arsenio.
199
00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:13,067
- [Elevator bell dings]
- The second time was his fault.
200
00:07:23,356 --> 00:07:25,392
Woman: Yes, order for delivery.
201
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,628
6610 Heniger Street.
202
00:07:27,696 --> 00:07:31,098
Yeah, there's a gate,
but it's never locked.
203
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,800
You need my credit card.
204
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:36,303
Uh... it's a Visa.
205
00:07:36,371 --> 00:07:38,372
3310...
206
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,609
For those of you who have never
been black in America,
207
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:45,391
trust me... This is very confusing.
208
00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:48,315
No, no, I live alone. Just me.
209
00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:50,117
And don't worry about
the security cameras.
210
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:51,218
They're fake.
211
00:07:51,286 --> 00:07:53,287
Very, very confusing.
212
00:07:56,297 --> 00:08:00,830
So, if white people are scared
of you, you'd be upset.
213
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:03,533
And now that they're not,
you're still upset.
214
00:08:03,601 --> 00:08:06,269
Well, if you say it out loud,
anything sounds crazy.
215
00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:07,470
Dre, what's going on?
216
00:08:07,538 --> 00:08:10,006
I'm losing my identity, Bow.
217
00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:13,510
Look, when the whole world
hates you, you develop armor.
218
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,612
You wear sagging jeans, rock chains,
219
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,310
and expensive kicks like,
"You don't like me?
220
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,397
Cool. I don't care what you think."
221
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,000
But if I don't have that
edge, then who am I?
222
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,236
You're someone who likes necklaces
223
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,238
and hoards lots of shoes.
224
00:08:26,955 --> 00:08:27,939
Oh, my God.
225
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,109
I've turned into
a middle-aged white woman.
226
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,011
Is this how Caitlyn Jenner feels?
227
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,347
Dre, when you get stressed
about these things,
228
00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:36,948
I'm the one who suffers.
229
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,784
You took the good sink!
230
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,418
You don't get to take my struggle, Bow!
231
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:41,686
Dre, I'm serious.
232
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:44,589
You wake me up so you
can spend three hours
233
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,325
dressing like you don't care
what anybody thinks.
234
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:48,627
The neighbors give me the side-eye
235
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,462
'cause you treat them
like Russian spies.
236
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,533
And I have never, ever
seen the end of "Bagger Vance,"
237
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,602
- "The Help," "Driving..."
- I don't need to see them, Bow.
238
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:59,471
- I know how they end.
- Okay.
239
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,940
With Hollywood putting us
back in our place.
240
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,276
Dre, you can't keep walking around
241
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,378
like the enemy is around every corner.
242
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,380
It's not gonna kill you to wear
the same pair of sneakers
243
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,949
two days in a row or
to just wave at the neighbors.
244
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,450
Just, like, wave at them.
245
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,352
Because if you don't change, babe,
246
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,321
then they're not gonna change
247
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,590
and nothing is gonna get any better.
248
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:22,794
I think what you're saying is...
249
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,598
my shoe game is holding
up racial healing.
250
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,067
Yes, Dre.
251
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,837
So why not just lead with that?
252
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,905
I don't know,
but I'm glad I said it now.
253
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,695
Now we know it's your sneakers.
254
00:09:35,715 --> 00:09:37,983
We got to bring them to the government
255
00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,951
so they can fix our world.
256
00:09:40,019 --> 00:09:44,155
So I took Bow's advice and let
my guard down a little bit.
257
00:09:44,223 --> 00:09:47,826
I started by wearing the same
shoes two days in a row,
258
00:09:47,893 --> 00:09:51,162
and I tried waving
at one of my neighbors.
259
00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:54,895
Is that... Is that to me?
260
00:09:54,915 --> 00:09:57,150
You... You never wave to me.
261
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,436
Don't take it personal, Janine.
262
00:09:58,504 --> 00:09:59,804
I'm not a big waver.
263
00:09:59,872 --> 00:10:00,939
You always wave to the gardeners.
264
00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:02,589
Well, we go way back.
265
00:10:02,609 --> 00:10:04,410
And the Vietnamese family
that delivers our newspapers,
266
00:10:04,477 --> 00:10:05,845
you always wave to them.
267
00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,314
Oh, and you always wave to those
cute African-American kids
268
00:10:08,381 --> 00:10:09,582
that sell candy bars.
269
00:10:09,649 --> 00:10:11,684
Uh, it's... it's, uh...
It's not a pattern, Janine,
270
00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:14,420
so don't try to find one.
271
00:10:14,487 --> 00:10:15,688
Have a good day.
272
00:10:15,755 --> 00:10:18,357
273
00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:26,495
I see hanging out with your
children is going real well.
274
00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:28,497
Yeah, it is. [Laughs]
275
00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:29,899
- Just taking a little break.
- Mm-hmm.
276
00:10:29,966 --> 00:10:32,001
You know, it's just...
I'm actually tired
277
00:10:32,068 --> 00:10:33,536
from all the fun we've been having.
278
00:10:33,603 --> 00:10:34,703
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
279
00:10:34,771 --> 00:10:37,873
[Laughs] I got Rice Krispy treats, yeah!
280
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:38,874
Eee!
281
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,209
- Thanks, lady.
- Oh.
282
00:10:40,277 --> 00:10:41,677
I'm... I'm more of a cookie guy.
283
00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:44,313
Oh, well... Oh.
284
00:10:44,381 --> 00:10:45,714
Zoey: I just feel bad for her.
285
00:10:45,782 --> 00:10:47,850
Fine. Pops...
286
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:48,918
Yes?
287
00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:50,305
Will you teach me your pimp game?
288
00:10:50,786 --> 00:10:52,988
As you know, my r?sum?
speaks for itself.
289
00:10:53,056 --> 00:10:55,090
I have loved many women
290
00:10:55,158 --> 00:10:57,259
and been loved by even more.
291
00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:58,427
Instantly regretting this.
292
00:10:58,495 --> 00:10:59,914
Your problem is
you try too hard, Rainbow.
293
00:10:59,934 --> 00:11:01,467
But I have three moves
294
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,202
that will make you seem less desperate.
295
00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:04,203
Okay.
296
00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:06,539
First...
297
00:11:13,648 --> 00:11:14,777
What?
298
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,779
Make them wait.
299
00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:17,647
Sh...
300
00:11:17,714 --> 00:11:18,614
Mm-hmm.
301
00:11:18,682 --> 00:11:20,149
- That is good.
- That's right.
302
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:21,818
- Yes!
- You feel me?
303
00:11:21,885 --> 00:11:24,287
Oh, my... [Laughs] That's so good.
304
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:26,656
Second, make them jealous.
305
00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:27,790
Jealous.
306
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:28,991
Now, your strongest move
307
00:11:29,059 --> 00:11:30,893
would be to get another family,
308
00:11:30,961 --> 00:11:31,961
but that's not for everyone.
309
00:11:32,029 --> 00:11:33,596
[Laughs]
310
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,634
Oh, you... Oh, you were serious.
311
00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:39,902
You're serious.
312
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:43,773
313
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,975
I waved at a bunch
of white people today,
314
00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:48,261
- and nobody called the cops.
- Oh, my God.
315
00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:50,561
But the real victory...
I wore the same shoes
316
00:11:50,581 --> 00:11:53,850
I wore yesterday
and still got three compliments.
317
00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:55,529
I really love the way you
keep things in perspective, Dre.
318
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,718
And one of our neighbors said
there's an HOA meeting tonight.
319
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,553
So not miss out on a moment,
320
00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,888
- I think I'm gonna go.
- Hmm.
321
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,424
Uh, if you want some company,
I'm happy to go with you.
322
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,260
Oh, that sounds like fun.
That's a good idea.
323
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,730
He just wants to go pass out
his slam poetry fliers.
324
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,733
I'll bring them along just in
case somebody wants to get woke.
325
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,503
So, I went to the HOA, and I
saw how much I'd been missing.
326
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:20,791
In one night,
I picked up some golf tips,
327
00:12:20,859 --> 00:12:24,628
learned a new handshake, and
made an adorable new friend.
328
00:12:24,696 --> 00:12:27,998
So, I see you've met Mr. Biscuits.
329
00:12:28,066 --> 00:12:29,066
What are you doing here?
330
00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:30,968
I never miss an HOA meeting.
331
00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:33,504
How do you think that tree
over our pool got cut down?
332
00:12:33,572 --> 00:12:34,672
Oh.
333
00:12:34,739 --> 00:12:36,473
Ah, Delores.
334
00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:40,344
We need to talk about
bringing in those trash bins.
335
00:12:40,412 --> 00:12:43,681
I got to admit, attending
the HOA meeting made me feel
336
00:12:43,748 --> 00:12:46,851
how Columbus must have felt
when he discovered America.
337
00:12:46,918 --> 00:12:48,052
Minus the genocide.
338
00:12:48,119 --> 00:12:50,487
Okay, okay, we're all...
We're all friends here.
339
00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:52,389
We can just be honest.
340
00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:54,391
So, you know, the Persian
family down the street.
341
00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:56,093
Well, they're putting in columns,
342
00:12:56,161 --> 00:12:59,366
which I'm afraid
makes it look a little...
343
00:12:59,386 --> 00:13:00,420
too Persian.
344
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:03,523
[People murmuring]
345
00:13:03,590 --> 00:13:05,558
You know what I mean, Dre.
346
00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:11,698
Well, it doesn't exactly fit
into the neighborhood aesthetic.
347
00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:14,968
Yeah, right? Told you guys he was cool.
348
00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:17,637
And even though the website
clearly says no guests,
349
00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:19,605
I'm so glad you brought
They Call Me Johan
350
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,308
because I've... I got
to hear his poetry.
351
00:13:22,376 --> 00:13:23,309
Here we go.
352
00:13:23,377 --> 00:13:26,713
I got a telescope for my third eye.
353
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,983
Guess you heard I... came
to Sherman Oaks
354
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:32,285
to stay with my sister's folks.
355
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,554
I eat egg whites with my toast.
356
00:13:34,621 --> 00:13:37,281
Too much cholesterol in the yolks.
357
00:13:37,301 --> 00:13:38,835
They call me Johan.
358
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,737
- [Laughs]
- I don't.
359
00:13:40,804 --> 00:13:44,374
We should carpool to his
showcase and get French toast.
360
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:45,675
- Why?
- What was I talking about...
361
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:47,885
Oh-sidosies. [Laughs]
362
00:13:47,905 --> 00:13:49,846
Well, looks like Janine's "not problem"
363
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,048
is rearing its ugly head again.
364
00:13:52,116 --> 00:13:53,549
Whose turn is it to drive her home?
365
00:13:53,617 --> 00:13:56,085
[People murmuring]
366
00:13:56,153 --> 00:14:00,089
Oh, my God.
367
00:14:00,157 --> 00:14:02,258
You know what, guys? I'll do it.
368
00:14:02,326 --> 00:14:03,370
Glad to lend a helping hand.
369
00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:04,990
Why? Because we live in a...
370
00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:06,258
Thanks, Dre.
371
00:14:06,326 --> 00:14:07,426
Oh. [Chuckles]
372
00:14:07,494 --> 00:14:08,894
Ow.
373
00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:15,234
Uh, what's for dinner?
374
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:16,302
Give me a second, guys.
375
00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:17,469
I'm... I'm actually...
376
00:14:17,537 --> 00:14:19,905
I'm playing "Candy Crush," so...
377
00:14:20,562 --> 00:14:24,395
_
378
00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:28,414
Should we order something or...
379
00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:32,580
_
380
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,134
Mommy, I'm starving.
381
00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:38,987
_
382
00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:40,607
You know what, guys?
383
00:14:40,675 --> 00:14:43,510
I just realized I got to...
I got to go run some errands.
384
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:44,945
I'm gonna...
385
00:14:45,013 --> 00:14:46,213
I'll be back.
386
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:48,015
But...
387
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,016
Do do do
388
00:14:49,084 --> 00:14:50,317
Do do-do do do do
389
00:14:50,385 --> 00:14:51,652
Do do do Junior, do the dab.
390
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:52,720
Johan, do the dab.
391
00:14:52,787 --> 00:14:53,654
Janine, do the dab.
392
00:14:53,722 --> 00:14:54,722
This is corny.
393
00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:56,724
Siri, play N.W.A.
394
00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:59,059
Straight outta Compton,
a brother with his finger...
395
00:14:59,127 --> 00:15:00,527
Siri, please don't.
396
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,730
All right, today has been very chill
397
00:15:02,797 --> 00:15:04,698
and very unaggressive.
398
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:06,367
Well, I hate to say
I told you so, but, uh...
399
00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:07,534
Oh, well, you know what?
400
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,703
I'm a man that can admit
when he's wrong.
401
00:15:09,771 --> 00:15:13,335
As soon as I put my guard down
and went to my first HOA meeting,
402
00:15:13,355 --> 00:15:15,800
got to participate
in some casual racism...
403
00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:18,212
- Ha.
- And now I'm driving a semiconscious
404
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:19,713
white woman home in her car.
405
00:15:19,781 --> 00:15:21,148
Life is good.
406
00:15:21,216 --> 00:15:22,716
[Siren wails]
407
00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,267
I blame myself.
408
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,504
I can't believe I listened to Bow.
409
00:15:27,524 --> 00:15:28,758
BBD clearly said,
410
00:15:28,826 --> 00:15:31,349
"Never trust a big butt and a smile."
411
00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,242
Dad, nothing's gonna happen.
412
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:35,063
And if it does, I have pre-paid legal.
413
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:38,156
And I can't believe I listened
to these two idiots.
414
00:15:38,176 --> 00:15:39,574
They got me to drop my guard
415
00:15:39,594 --> 00:15:41,562
and ignore 400 years of instincts.
416
00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:43,898
Anybody seen my wallet? I need my I.D.
417
00:15:43,965 --> 00:15:45,764
For what? We're just going
up the street.
418
00:15:45,784 --> 00:15:46,931
Let's roll.
419
00:15:46,999 --> 00:15:49,134
And I wouldn't even have run
into Janine this morning
420
00:15:49,201 --> 00:15:51,536
if I had taken my usual 30 minutes
421
00:15:51,604 --> 00:15:54,939
to eloquently respond to racist
YouTube comments.
422
00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:58,943
- [Keyboard keys clacking]
- Dear K-K-Kevin...
423
00:15:59,011 --> 00:16:00,612
[bleep] you.
424
00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:01,880
What am I gonna do?
425
00:16:01,947 --> 00:16:03,815
People lose their licenses all the time.
426
00:16:03,883 --> 00:16:06,117
Just tell the officer
you made an honest mistake.
427
00:16:06,185 --> 00:16:07,485
Mm.
428
00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:10,555
Funny story, I just started
wearing skinny jeans,
429
00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:12,724
and my wallet doesn't fit in my pants.
430
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:14,193
[Cell door slams]
431
00:16:14,213 --> 00:16:15,246
Damn it!
432
00:16:15,314 --> 00:16:17,782
Janine, where's the registration?!
433
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:19,317
Black lives are at stake!
434
00:16:19,385 --> 00:16:22,687
Dad, can't you just tell
the officer whose car this is?
435
00:16:22,755 --> 00:16:24,655
I'm sure they'll believe you.
436
00:16:24,723 --> 00:16:26,858
The registered owner of the car
437
00:16:26,925 --> 00:16:28,192
is this passed-out white woman.
438
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:30,495
[Cell doors slam]
439
00:16:30,562 --> 00:16:31,829
Johan: Before you explain anything,
440
00:16:31,897 --> 00:16:33,398
tell him you have a video camera.
441
00:16:34,057 --> 00:16:35,466
Good evening, Officer.
442
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:36,534
I just want to let you know
443
00:16:36,602 --> 00:16:37,802
that I'll be videotaping tonight.
444
00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:39,137
[Gunshot]
445
00:16:39,204 --> 00:16:41,139
[Rainbow crying]
446
00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:44,854
You think it's too early
to holla at Bow?
447
00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:45,944
Mnh-mnh.
448
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,745
Grief is treating her so good.
449
00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:48,799
Line starts behind me.
450
00:16:48,819 --> 00:16:50,367
- Hmm.
- Oh, God.
451
00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:51,454
I'll get in that line.
452
00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:53,155
Hell, yeah.
453
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:54,824
[Sobbing]
454
00:16:54,891 --> 00:16:56,386
- Ooh.
- Mmm.
455
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:59,741
You know what? I'm tripping again.
456
00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:02,277
This is Drake Summer '16.
457
00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:04,279
I'm just gonna go talk to that officer
458
00:17:04,347 --> 00:17:06,181
and give him a reasonable explanation.
459
00:17:06,249 --> 00:17:07,649
You know what? I'm gonna tell him...
460
00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:09,017
Straight outta Compton
461
00:17:09,085 --> 00:17:10,352
A brother with his finger
on the trigger
462
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,820
But once I take out my...
463
00:17:11,888 --> 00:17:13,288
[Siren wailing]
464
00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:14,289
Hey.
465
00:17:14,357 --> 00:17:15,357
[Clears throat]
466
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:18,260
So, your pimp moves are working.
467
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:19,328
[Chuckles]
468
00:17:19,395 --> 00:17:20,482
Do you think I could feed the kids now?
469
00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:21,464
I ate their supper.
470
00:17:21,484 --> 00:17:23,049
What?
471
00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:26,258
Oh. I get it.
472
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:29,408
You think if they're hungry,
they'll appreciate me more.
473
00:17:29,476 --> 00:17:30,809
- Now focus.
- Oh, okay.
474
00:17:30,877 --> 00:17:32,645
You got to make 'em jealous now, Bow.
475
00:17:32,712 --> 00:17:34,313
Then you'll have them eating
right out the palm of your hand.
476
00:17:34,381 --> 00:17:36,315
- Okay.
- But just figuratively
477
00:17:36,383 --> 00:17:37,616
'cause I ate their supper.
478
00:17:37,684 --> 00:17:38,651
Yes.
479
00:17:38,718 --> 00:17:39,852
All of their supper.
480
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:41,086
- [Kids laughing]
- Here they come.
481
00:17:41,154 --> 00:17:42,655
Oh, shoot.
482
00:17:42,722 --> 00:17:43,689
Turn off your heart.
483
00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:46,225
Just shut it down.
484
00:17:47,994 --> 00:17:49,094
Oh, hey, you guys.
485
00:17:49,162 --> 00:17:50,863
Gosh, I didn't even hear you come in.
486
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:53,666
So busy looking at pictures
of your cousins that...
487
00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:57,102
Oh, man, they've gotten so tall.
488
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:58,370
Oh, wow.
489
00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:01,807
They make such insightful
comments on Facebook.
490
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:03,442
- [Laughs]
- I'll be the judge of that.
491
00:18:04,092 --> 00:18:05,521
Wow.
492
00:18:05,541 --> 00:18:07,909
Diamond really is wise beyond her years.
493
00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:11,312
I see cousin Cha-cha's dating
an Abercrombie model.
494
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:12,914
- Yeah.
- Good for her.
495
00:18:12,981 --> 00:18:14,515
Don't look at pictures of them.
496
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,517
Look at my real face.
497
00:18:16,585 --> 00:18:18,419
Look. Look.
498
00:18:18,487 --> 00:18:20,154
Oh.
499
00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:22,390
[Chuckles] Oh.
500
00:18:26,562 --> 00:18:27,995
Wow.
501
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,597
Check out cousin Dante.
502
00:18:29,665 --> 00:18:30,765
- Dre?
- Hm?
503
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,667
- What are you doing here?
- What?
504
00:18:32,734 --> 00:18:34,202
I've been here in this outfit
505
00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:35,703
looking at Facebook pictures
506
00:18:35,771 --> 00:18:37,505
all night long with you, right?
507
00:18:37,573 --> 00:18:39,607
I mean, that's the story
we'll tell the cops if they ask.
508
00:18:39,675 --> 00:18:42,476
- The what?
- Don't worry about it.
509
00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:43,964
- [Sighs]
- You're alive.
510
00:18:43,984 --> 00:18:46,719
I-I-I-I know I sounded surprised,
511
00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:50,443
but I knew he was alive
because I am a very good parent.
512
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,193
- How did you get here?
- I did what you did. I ran.
513
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:54,260
And they didn't catch you?
514
00:18:54,328 --> 00:18:56,863
Nope. Turns out it's true what they say.
515
00:18:56,931 --> 00:18:58,898
You don't have to outrun the cops.
516
00:18:58,966 --> 00:19:00,600
You only have to outrun your uncle.
517
00:19:00,668 --> 00:19:02,202
[Laughs] That's my boy!
518
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:04,104
I have never been
more proud of you, son.
519
00:19:04,171 --> 00:19:05,805
- Hold up, you guys.
- What?
520
00:19:05,873 --> 00:19:08,153
What is all this talk of cops?
And where's my brother?
521
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:09,442
- [Door opens]
- Dre: I don't know.
522
00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:10,743
Oh, my... Oh, my God!
523
00:19:10,811 --> 00:19:12,712
Johan, are you okay?
524
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,314
I may never be okay again.
525
00:19:14,381 --> 00:19:15,815
After your husband took off,
526
00:19:15,883 --> 00:19:17,951
things went about as badly
as they could go.
527
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:20,320
- Snitch.
- Dre, did you leave my brother?
528
00:19:20,387 --> 00:19:24,290
Oh, so it's my fault that his
white instincts to investigate
529
00:19:24,358 --> 00:19:26,785
is stronger than
his black instincts to run.
530
00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:27,995
I ran.
531
00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:29,382
Shouldn't have gone back for the fliers,
532
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:32,352
but I learned some very
important lessons.
533
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,588
Like pre-paid legal is not a real thing.
534
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,756
And also, you should not attempt
535
00:19:36,824 --> 00:19:39,125
a citizen's arrest on a police officer.
536
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:42,596
I've also learned that we
are very, very far away
537
00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:45,332
from things being completely different.
538
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:50,437
I think what Uncle Johan
is trying to say is...
539
00:19:51,165 --> 00:19:53,940
it's still a crime to be black...
540
00:19:54,008 --> 00:19:58,311
- Rainbow: Oh.
- If you're Kevin Hart or Shaq.
541
00:19:58,379 --> 00:20:03,116
So mind your P's and your Q's
542
00:20:03,184 --> 00:20:07,367
unless you want to be abused.
543
00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:11,134
- They call me...
- Shut up.
544
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:12,902
Shut up.
545
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:15,171
- Is that how I sound?
- Worse.
546
00:20:15,239 --> 00:20:17,050
You're a grown man.
547
00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,342
Now, come on.
548
00:20:19,409 --> 00:20:20,977
Let's go see what they did to Janine.
549
00:20:21,044 --> 00:20:22,445
I think you were wonderful, Junior.
550
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,647
- Thanks, Mom.
- You sound like your uncle.
551
00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:26,734
- Let's go.
- Don't encourage it.
552
00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:29,569
You know what truly makes America great?
553
00:20:29,589 --> 00:20:31,909
All of our different communities.
554
00:20:31,929 --> 00:20:35,298
Each one committed
to helping all of its members.
555
00:20:35,366 --> 00:20:38,068
But then we're all
still willing to change
556
00:20:38,135 --> 00:20:40,003
so we never miss a moment.
557
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:41,438
- Wait a minute.
- Hmm?
558
00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:43,940
So, the black driver's now
friends with the old white lady?
559
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:45,475
That's some bull[bleep]
560
00:20:45,543 --> 00:20:47,574
- I told you.
- Fine, all right.
561
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,679
Go ahead. Fast-forward to the
end of the movie "The Help."
562
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,247
Okay, I'm telling you right now
563
00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:53,750
if the poo pie works out,
I'm gonna lose my mind.
564
00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:55,118
Okay.
565
00:20:55,186 --> 00:20:58,788
And that's what truly
makes America great.
566
00:20:58,856 --> 00:20:59,956
What?!
567
00:21:00,143 --> 00:21:03,553
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
568
00:21:03,603 --> 00:21:08,153
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