All language subtitles for Blackish s03e01 VIP.eng

Dre:
I love feeling special...

...getting the
first-class treatment.

It's as American as apple
pie and baseball --

Well, back-in-the-day
baseball before steroids,

but not so far back
that it was segregated.

You know what? Let's just
stick with apple pie --

Delicious.

But, look, it's
not just me.

Everybody loves
special treatment.

It's that thing that says
you're different,

you're the best,
you deserve shrimp.

So that's why when it came time
to plan a family vacation,

I knew I wanted
to ball out.

Disney World, huh?
Nice.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Oh, no.
Not just Disney World.

Disney World V.I.P.

- Ooh.
- Mm.

I'm gonna give my kids

the first-class
experience I never had.

Boy, I sure would like to
take Eustace to Disney World,

but I'm not allowed to
take him out of state.

Nor anywhere in my car.

It's just how it is.

When are you leaving?

Tomorrow morning.
And it's gonna be insane.

All right, everyone.
Call your wives.

Tell them
you won't be coming home

'cause you're working late,
only this time, it'll be true.

What's going on?

It's a real crisis.

All hands on deck
for the next two weeks.

Just got an e-mail
from Microsoft.

They hate the direction
we're headed in.

What?
No, can't that wait?

[ Chuckles ]

Subject line --
"We cannot wait."

Look, I can't do it.

I'm going on vacation
tomorrow, man.

I need this.
I've been working hard.

Are you kidding me?

None of you have
done [bleep] around here

since Pok?mon Go
came out.

Ohh!

Don't act innocent.
No.

It's exercise.

I can't do it.

- Excuse me.
- You are running point on this.

Yes, I am, and --

Charlie can do it.

Whe-- hm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right,
I -- I can do that. Yeah.

You'll be great,
Charlie.

Look, and if you have any
questions, just call me.

[ Chuckles ]

Are you sure you
can handle this?

It is around-the-clock
responsibility.

I've been living here
for two months anyway.

They're tenting my
apartment for ghosts.

Weird things
are happening.

All my shoelaces are missing
and all my forks are flat.

So I haven't been back
since.

[ Chuckles ]

Eustace!

What?
God sakes.

So just like that, the Johnsons
were off on our special trip.

I'm going to
Disney World.

It started with a luxurious
ride to the airport.

[ Engine starts ]

Then we all enjoyed
a first-class flight.

Me especially.

And then we arrived
at Disney World

ready to get turnt on our
very special V.I.P. vacation

at the most magical place
on earth.

Guys, we are here,
and it's a dream!

Crowds and 100% humidity.
Ain't like no dream I ever had.

Oh, my God!

You know what?
You didn't have to come.

Yes, I did. I rented
your place on Airbnb,

and I'm making
a killing, too.

Hey, guys. Guys, what ride
are we gonna ride first?

I think the faster,
the better.

I want something
that's gonna give me

that same rush I feel
when I drink after

a random co-worker.

I can't wait to do
Space Mountain.

Uh, actually, friend,
you're gonna have to wait.

What do you mean?

Space Mountain has
a height requirement.

Here's a map
I pre-marked.

It's for someone with your
humiliating shortness.

Small World? Dumbo?

I don't want to do
baby rides.

Then get ready to enjoy
43 square miles

of restaurants
and bathrooms.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

We're going there!

Let's go do it!

Hello, Johnson family!

- Oh, hey.
- Oh, hey.

I'm Cody,
and you better be ready

to have a magical day!

- Better be?
- Earl, Earl, get my Vaseline.

- Who is this?
- Mama, mama, mama, mama.

- Talking about "better be"?
- Mama. This is Cody.

He's our V.I.P. tour guide, all right?
We bought him.

Oh, well, you didn't actually buy me.
I'm an employee.

Okay, well, do you really want
to get mollywhopped by my mama?

All right, he's gonna
take us around

because we are special
V.I.P.s, and he is the best.

Oh, I assure you
you are in great hands.

In fact, before I joined
the Disney family,

I was a place kicker for
an arena football team.

But that is a life
I left behind.

- Hm.
- Okay.

Okay! So, these are
your custom magic bands.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Oh.
- All right.

And because you are guests
at the Animal Kingdom Lodge,

these will conveniently
charge your purchases.

- Yay!
- Special.

Babe, babe.

- Hm.
- I like that.

I wish you would!

P-Pops. Pops,
what's wrong, man?

Wait, you're mad that
we're doing it right?

What the hell you
talking about, boy?

We did it right when
I took you to Disneyland.

Something wrong with
your tuna, baby?

Pops, can I have
one of those?

When you get a job,
yeah.

- Well, I got a job now.
- And I have this.

This is linked to
his credit card, yes?

Yes.

Come on, Ruby, let's go
make it rain at Epcot.

- Oh, my.
- All right.

Well, we're going
this way!

- Let's go.
- All right.

Excuse me.
V.I.P. coming through!

V.I.P. coming through!

So, we don't have to wait
in that line?

Hah! Nope.
But be gracious,

because we're not better
than anybody else.

Hell if we're not. I paid a lot
of money for us to be special.

[ Cellphone rings ]

You are special,
honey -- very.

Hey, what's up?

Nothin' much.

Just, you know, handling some B.I.
on the Microsoft account.

[ Chuckles ]
Quick question.

Uh, asking for a friend,
all right?

Uh, who is Microsoft?

Hey, Charlie, I'm gonna
have to call you back, man.

Right now you're distracting
me from feeling superior

to the general-admission
people I'm passing.

No, no, no, no, my friend's
back is against the wall,

and you got to help him,
Dre.

Come on, man -- p--

Marshawn!
Marshawn Lynch!

Oh, not him, man, not him.
But thank you.

[ Chuckles ] That guy thought
you were Marshawn Lynch, Dad.

Eh, it's just a flattering
form of racism, son.

Now, anyone get
motion sickness?

Anyone pregnant?

- Oh, oh, hey, hey.
- Yes, I am actually pregnant.

[ Gasps ] That's awesome,
congratulations.

Thank you.

But unfortunately,
mama bear,

you're gonna have
to sit this ride out

because of your cub
in the oven.

Oh. Okay, well, there's a lot of
other rides I can ride, right?

Oh, absolutely.

Anything that doesn't have
a sharp tilt, turn, loop,

sudden drop, or sudden stop.
[ Chuckles ]

Wow, bae, that's a
lot you can't do.

I know.

Kind of I wish I didn't
pay extra for you now.

Wha--

Single rider!
- Dre.

Bow wasn't going to ruin
our trip

the way the baby
ruined hers.

We were going to get down to
the very important business

of being
very important people.

My kids, they
started off slow.

Excuse us.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Don't mind us.
We're with the guide.

We're with Cody.

What are you apologizing
for?

You're V.I.P., boy.
Own this.

But eventually, they started
to get the hang of it.

Don't hate!
V.I.P. coming through!

It's natural
to feel jealous.

Hey, we'll let you
know how it is.

Don't make eye contact
with me.

My God,
whose kids are those?

They're mine!

You all have fun!

Cody. See you later!

[ All chanting
"V.I.P.!" ]

Oh, so that's how it is.
Look here.

[ Scoffs ]

Waiter, we'd like
to buy a round

for every sunburnt person
wearing a T-shirt

courtesy
of our ungrateful son.

[ Laughs ]
[ All cheering ]

Boy don't even realize how
much we had to sacrifice

to pay for Disneyland.

[ Dog barks in distance ]

[ Siren wails
in distance ]

Earl!
That was my car!

I bought them tickets.

Opened up 17 Christmas
cards at the post office

to get that money.
Boy never even thanked us.

Ungrateful child.

This is the worst ever.

Well, now it is.

Every ride I like
is off limits for me.

I should've just
stayed home.

I mean, I could've gotten
seven days alone in my house,

no kids, no husband.

No you.

I can see how that
would be appealing.

[ Flute plays ]

You know... I don't
understand all the hype.

Can't do anything here
that you can't do

at the Chuck E. Cheese
in Torrance.

Ooh, Black Jesus,

if there was ever a time
to set myself on fire.

Or... no fire, and we can
just go back to the hotel.

I want to go back
to the hotel.

That's the coward's way out.
But okay.

Waiter!
One Tom Collins to go!

You know, I don't see any other V.I.P.
guides out here.

Are these people
not doing V.I.P.?

They're not.

I saw that kid in the
regular line -- twice.

Oh, they're
definitely not.

That woman's wearing
Bugle Boy jeans.

Hm. Cody.

Let me holler at you
for a second, playboy.

I like you.

Oh.

The kids like you.

And I think you're
a great guy,

but we traveled
clear across the country

to have the most special
week of our lives.

And if you think you're gonna
put us with non-V.I.P. people,

ooh, I'm not the one,
Cody.

Well --

I'm not the one, Cody.

Hm.

Okay? Now, what is the
most popular ride here?

And think good and hard
before you answer.

Frozen Ever After
at Epcot.

Oh, okay, take us
the most shaded route.

[ Chuckles ]

Johnsons!

We out! Let's roll.
Lead the way, Cody.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

Well,
where's the damn exit?

Hey, is this the line
to get out of here?

No, it's the line - for
Soarin' Around the World.

Well, does it soar
back to my hotel?

[ Chuckles ] No,
but it's air-conditioned.

- Ooh.
- Ooh, air!

- Let's go.
- All right. All right.

- Come on in.
- Ooh.

Yeah, I feel like I'm
flying, but I know I'm not.

Soarin' Around the World?
Psht!

[ Chuckles ] More like
Snorin' Around the World.

[ Scoffs ]

Whole wide,
amazing world.

Ruby: It's terrible!
Just a lifelike illusion

filled with majesty
and sensory delight.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah.

[ People gasping ]

Oh, we gonna hit the wall,
we gonna hit the wall!

- What?!
- We gonna hit the wall!

Well, I knew we
wasn't gonna hit it.

Oh, Earl.

Dre:
Here we go! Here we go!

Seven Dwarfs Mine Train
-- this is good, Jack.

You can get a sneak peek
of jobs available

to someone of
your height.

[ Screams ]

My glasses!
I'm blind!

Thank you, Disney gods!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

Wow, guys,
what do you say?!

- It was so much fun.
- Whoo!

- Yeah!
- Why'd we stop?

[ Elephant trumpets ]

- Flamingos.
- Whoa, flamingos.

Oh, my gosh.

Is that a panda?

This is awesome.

You should see this,
Diane.

I see it just fine.

You're looking directly
into the sun.

Oh, my stars.
Stop! Stop the truck!

- Stop!
- What? What? What?

Everybody, look
over there.

- Oh, my God.
- What is it?

[ Gasps ]

Dear God,
somebody talk to me!

Sweet Black Jesus,
this is beautiful.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have
been on this ride 10,000 times.

I -- I have a PhD
in animal behavior.

I have spent two days in the
pouch of an Australian kangaroo,

and I have [inhales] - never
seen something like this.

Describe it to me!

There's only one word
for this --

Indescribable.

- Yes.
- What?

It's like seeing
the face of God.

This is not only
the circle of life.

This is the meaning
of life.

- Yes.
- What?

Well, take a picture.
Shoot a video!

No, no.

Let's use our
mind cameras.

Cody: Well said.

What?
[ Exhales sharply ]

See, that is why
we did V.I.P.

Now, had we stood in the regular
line, we would have missed that.

Uh, some of us did miss it.
It was Diane.

Okay, hey. Hey, Cody.

So, what's next?

For you? I'm not sure.
Your time with me is up.

Uh...

Uh, but I bought you.

Oh, that word again.

You didn't
actually buy me.

You bought my services
for seven hours,

and I've had a
great time.

I like you,
and I like your kids,

but now it's time for me
to go back to H.Q.

and change out of my socks and
be with the Gonzalez family.

Okay. - But please know -
you've got a friend in me.

Okay, Cody, so --

You've got a
friend in me.

- But, Cody --
- Dre.

You got a friend in me.

Hm? Bye.
[ Chuckles ]

Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye?

- Wait, what?
- Is this a joke?

Cody? I told you
I am not the one!

[ Voice breaking ]
I am not the one!

We're in gen-pop?

Nooooooooooo!

[ Crying ]

Okay, look, guys.

I know losing V.I.P.
is not great, but, hey, look.

We're still at
Disney World.

And this line
is only 25 minutes.

- [ Sighs ]
- 25 minutes?

Mm-hmm.

[ Gasping ] No.
Fix this!

Fix this now!

I can't see how far
we've fallen,

- but I can feel it.
- [ Stomping ]

Okay, let's do this.

Uh...

M-Microsoft. 'Cause
that's who you are.

[ Chuckles ]

Uh...

Uh, here at Stevens & Lido,
there's a little exercise we do.

Uh, let's pretend as if I have
absolutely no idea who you are,

what you do, or anything
about your company.

Tell me what you want
me to do, all right?

Step by step.
[ Chuckles ]

Talk to me like a man
who's laid everything

on the line for a job he's
completely unqualified for.

[ Sighs ] That was a
manipulative ride back there.

Yeah, playing with
our emotions.

Heh, making us feel
more alive

than we've ever felt
and whatnot.

Can't wait to
get out of here.

Hey, should we get in that
exit line over there?

No, that exit line looks way
too rough for a pregnant lady.

Oh, I think we should
get in that exit line.

Looks a lot gentler.

Or maybe get in that stupid
Dumbo exit line over there.

Maybe sneak out above the clouds
on that adorable elephant.

Yeah, yeah, if you think
that's the fastest way

for us to get of here,
come on, let's go.

That's the fastest way.

I'm right behind you.

Most people die
climbing Everest.

We're gonna die
waiting to ride it.

I hate my life right now.

I hate my dad right now.

Uh...

Are you kidding me?

Huh?

You wait in one line,
and you have a meltdown?

You had an
incredible day!

You got to ride like 20
rides in 10 minutes!

You got to go ahead
of Green Day.

Did you see puss
on Tr? Cool?

Huh? And you know
what's worse?

Not one person
has even said thank you.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

Shut up!

Not sincere. You
monsters are dead to me!

[ People gasp ]

Okay, maybe that was the
wrong choice of words,

since I am your father,

but I hate you.

[ Gasps ]

Excuse me.

Excuse me, sorry.

I'm sorry.
Let me through here.

I'm sorry. Oh, yes!
I'm still mad at you!

[ People gasp ]
Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sir.

Hm? Yes.

Sir, we're lost.

We keep looking
for the exits,

and instead, we keep
finding gift shops.

Only reason I'm wearing this
hat is 'cause my grandkids

made me get it and you know,
the ears protect my neck.

[ Chuckles ]

And this tiara, I hate how it
takes 25 years off my real age.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

[ Chuckling ]
I hate that.

Well, some of the exits

- are gonna be right over here.
- Oh, look, guys.

There's a real exit
right -- right there.

[ Marching band plays ]

Yep, that's one of them.

Oh, no.
Parade's coming through.

Announcer: And now we
invite you to relax --

Well, you folks can cross.
There's still time.

No, no, no, no, no. No,
no, no, she's pregnant.

Yeah.

And we're elderly.

Mm.

So, uh, you know, we'll
just sit here and suffer

while this... magnificent
parade goes by.

I don't know how this day
could get any worse.

I don't either.
It's horrible!

So hot.

and we'll provide
the rest

[ Laughter ]

[ People cheering ]

[ Scoffs ]

Oh, look, Junior.

There's another
super cool guy.

Oh, my God!

A Jedi girl!

She's my Rey.

You should talk to her.

This could actually
be something.

I mean, it won't,
but it could be.

It won't,
just so you know.

Okay, I've got some
great ice breakers.

Check this out.
[ Clears throat ]

Do you have a quarter?

I told my mom I'd call her
as soon as I fell in love.

I would use the quarter on a
thing called a pay phone.

I've never had a girlfriend,
but that seems very wrong.

Fine.
You know what?

I'll just go with "Hi."

How hard's "Hi"?

Hi.
[ Higher-pitched ] Hi.

Hi!

[ High-pitched ]
Hellooooo!

Hey.

Are you allowed
to eat that?

Hope so.
It's my second one.

Why are you wearing
Mickey hands?

Oh, no big deal.

I was in a parade
with your parents,

who I had the best day
ever with!

Oh.
Never tell Ruby.

Well, I had the worst day ever
with your spoiled-ass kids.

You should've seen them,
Bow.

The second we lost
V.I.P. status,

they turned into
ungrateful monsters.

Huh.
Well, you know what?

They were probably just
following your lead.

Bow, I was just trying to make
Disney World extra special.

Dre,

you stepped over a baby in
stroller to get on a ride.

Okay. Okay, Bow.
All right.

I probably did mess it up
for everybody.

Maybe not for everybody.
Look over there, babe.

Look.

[ Laughter ]

Laughing.
Probably at me.

[ Chuckles ]

Dre, not everything
is about you.

[ Scoffs ]

Yes, it is.

Okay, you know what?

Actually,
in some weird way,

it's probably a good thing
that you threw a tantrum

and abandoned them,
'cause look.

It gave them the space to
actually enjoy each other.

Hm.

Yeah, you're right.

I really did
save the day.

[ Sighs ] Yeah, Dre,
you're a hero.

Yes, I am.

Junior got a
girl's number.

I did.

But he lost it
on the ride.

I did.

All right, come on,
tell me about it.

Sweetheart,
where are your glasses?

As it turned out,

we didn't need
to have V.I.P. status

to have a special
experience.

- Nice!
- Eat that!

[ People gasping,
murmuring ]

Oh, my gosh.

[ All cheering ]

-
Anything your heart desires
- Awesome!

-
Will come to you
- Wow!

Beautiful, huh?

Yeah, son, it is.

You know what would
go good with this?

No. What?

Tuna sandwich.

[ Both laugh ]
When
you wish upon a star

Yeah, you might be
right about that.

I wish you would.

[ Both laugh ]

All right, guys.

I just got to say that was the
best trip I've ever been on.

You know, my
favorite part --

[ Doors closing ]

[ Sighs ]

I truly am alone
in this life.

Why the long face?

Charlie, why are you
in my house?

I've always wanted
to stay here.

Once it came up on Airbnb,
I knew I had to get it.

It's the only house on the
block that eluded me.

What?

Left your main man flapping
in the breeze, huh?

Should've just told me Microsoft
was a computer company.

Uh...

So, you were in my house
alone all week?

Yeah.
[ Gasps ]

Eustace!

- Mom...
- Shh, Daddy's working.

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