All language subtitles for Black-ish s02e03 Dr. Hell No

Dre: There's a long tradition
of black folks having

an aversion to
doctors and healthcare.

And to be fair,
deservedly so...

from overcrowded hospitals,
where black patients

were ignored by
disinterested doctors,

to the tuskegee experiments,
where white doctors

took way too much interest
in black patients,

treating them like lab rats.
Lab rats with syphilis.

[Rat squeaks] By the way
Don't be confused.

Tuskegee experiments
Horrific.

Tuskegee airmen Super-cool.

[Engine roars]

The point is,

my parents' generation
always had plenty of reasons

to avoid going to the doctor,
or sending their kids.

I don't feel good.

You're fine.

[Choking]

You're fine. You're fine. You're fine.

[Groaning]

Walk it off. You're fine. [Groans]

But I've broken the cycle.

I have a family
who counts on me,

so I take care of myself

by going to the
doctor regularly...

exercising... Oh!

Watching what I eat...

and getting more sleep.

Now, the key is adding the long tail...

And I get a physical
every year... no problem.

Except for the
first physical after 40.

Ohh-ohh!

Now, that's a problem.

Come see me in my office.

And clean yourself up.

[Whimpering]

[weakly] Soup.

Rainbow: What?

So-o-o-o-up.

I'm sorry. I don't speak "Little Bitch."

Dre, you don't need soup.

You had a prostate exam. You're not sick.

I'm not physically sick.
I'm mentally scarred.

That doctor wore me like a bracelet.

Well, I hope at least he bought you dinner.

Pops, will you stop riding me?

Now, that's what you
should have said to your doctor.

Bam! [Laughs]

Of all the people,

- I thought you would be the sympathetic one.
- Mm-hmm.

You know how painful these are.

Guys! Dinner!

Nope. Never had one.

- What?
- The last time I went to the doctor, it was 1985.

- That can't be true.
- Oh, yeah.

And I remember exactly where I was.

I was in a waiting room,

and "We Are The World" came on the radio.

I thought to myself, "mm,
I don't need this [Bleep]"

So is your beef with
doctors or Lionel Richie?

Two snorts of Afrin every morning

has kept me right as rain.

Pops, you know how addictive that stuff is?

Son, I've been taking Afrin

every day for the last 30 years.

I think I would know if it was addictive.

Besides, don't worry about
me. I'm strong as an ox.

Dumb as one, too.

Hey, who knows where I
can get some potatoes?

Both: Me! I'm a potato! All right!

Potatoes!

- Hey, hey! Careful, Pops!
- Sack of potatoes!

Careful! Careful!

[Chuckles] Oh, relax.

I've never dropped a child.

Sack of potatoes
here! Get your...

man: Hey, Earl!

Hey, buddy!

[Groaning]

Walk it off. You're fine.

Besides, I got what they
call old-man strength now.

Yeah, and old-man smell,

old-man credit, and old-man balls.

Where are Zoey and Junior?

I drove them to the movies.

On a school night?

Since when is Tuesday a school night?

Ever since people started going to school.

- Eh...
- Hey, Pops.

- Hmm?
- You really should get checked out.

Rainbow: You know what?
I'm gonna set you up

with an appointment at the hospital

so you can get a quick and easy physical.

Okay, fine.

I'll let one of those
butchers look me over.

Um... You know I'm one
of those butchers, right?

I'm not saying you're a butcher.

- Oh, okay.
- [Groans]

Unless you count what she did to this meal.

[Laughter]

Bam!

Come on. See? Look.

There is nothing to be afraid of, Pops.

- I'm not scared.
- Okay.

Derrick: I can't taste anything!

What did you do to me?!

What did you do to me?!

I-I think I left something in my car.

Unh-unh-unh.

I drove. Let's go.

Oh, boy.

[Groaning]

I think I left your lights on.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, oh, look... Evan.
I want you to meet Evan.

This is, uh... this is my father-in-law.

This is Dr. Windsor.

- How's it going?
- Not great.

I'm meeting with my malpractice lawyer.

She's gonna help me run through
my story a few more times.

Okay. All right. Well,
you have a good day, now.

- All right.
- Goodbye.

No, no, no. Pops, please. Oh! Pops.

Okay.

Old-man strength. Very real.

All right. Can't seem to stop you.

Pops, I'm trying.

The man did not want to go to the hospital.

He shook
Bow...

she found him outside
trying to get on the bus.

If he had exact change,
he'd be in Vegas by now.

Well, I don't blame him.

90% of people that step
foot into a hospital die.

You're insane. And for your information,

100% of people who need to go
to the hospital and don't... Die.

Seriously?

You want to get into a math-off right now,

while 90% of your dad
is in a hospital, dying?

Josh: Charlie's got a point.

Step into a hospital
over 60... it's over.

Hospitals are a young man's game.

Like hopscotch. Or erections.

I think I know a little
something about medicine.

I've been sleeping with
a doctor for 20 years.

That kind of makes me a doctor.

Oh, so that's how that works.

Well, then I am a bus
driver, a toll-booth operator,

a PBS sign-language translator,

another toll-booth operator,

and a sandwich artist.

Mm, well, in that case,
I'm a married college T.A.

Who likes to make a lot of
promises about leaving his wife.

Yet somehow they're having
their fourth kid... Brendan.

I bought him an engraved rattle.

Idiot. Idiot.

Look, the point is, Dre,

is that just like Charlie here

doesn't know how to make a decent sandwich,

and Lucy is just a dirty side piece,

you don't know anything about medicine.

And hospitals are dangerous.

That is why I have a concierge doctor

who comes to my house every couple of years

and swaps out my kidneys.

You're only as old as your organs, Dre.

And right now, I am "drunk
teen motorcyclist" years old.

Josh: Look, Dre, I get nervous

every time my dad goes to the hospital.

One time, he went in
for a hip replacement...

came out an alcoholic riddled with cancer.

I don't think the hospital
gave your father cancer.

And I definitely don't think
they made him an alcoholic.

[Gasps]

You sound just like the jury.

I wasn't going to let those
guys at work spin me out.

They all had old,
decrepit dads.

My dad's fine...
picture of health.

Get out the way! I've
got to hash these browns!

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, Pops! Be careful!

He's half of a set!

- Hey.
- Hmm?

I don't want you to freak
out. Don't freak out.

Pops has a clogged artery. Don't freak out.

And they think...
don't freak out...

that he needs a very simple
and routine angioplasty.

Don't freak out.

It's okay. Don't freak out.

[Sobbing] My old,
decrepit pops is gonna die!

[Sobs]

[Weakly] So-o-o-o-up.

- Bow?
- Mm-hmm.

- I didn't say good night to my pops.
- Hmm.

You know, I-I got to
say good night to my pops

while I still can.

How do you say good
night to a man you love?

Good lord, Dre.

Your dad is having a routine procedure

that has a 95% success rate.

You're right.

I'll say it with a song.

A what?

Ha ha! I got it!

Oh, my God.

So, pops is circling the drain.

No, mom and webmd say balloon
angioplasties are easy.

Balloon? I want a balloon.

Not in your heart, you don't.

I've never even thought about losing pops.

Yeah, there's so much I
don't know about him...

so much I've never thought to ask.

First kiss, secret crush.

Is he pro-choice? Anti-fracking?

And where is he on Seaworld?

It's up to me to record his life story.

When pops dies, what
happens to all his stuff?

They'll probably just throw it all away.

You know our parents are animals.

They can't do that.

- I know. The '70s are coming back strong.
- Yes.

Jack and Zoey: I get the brown hat.

Not if I get it first.

Please. I'm smaller.

I'm everywhere and nowhere.

I have no idea what
that means, but it's on.

Diane: Look at yourselves!

You guys are focusing on the wrong thing.

- You're right.
- Sorry.

Thank you.

The real prize is power of attorney.

Ow.

Bow, I tried singing to him,
and he took a swing at me.

Barely connected.

He... he's really slowing down.

Aw.

Dre.

I'm so sorry your dad didn't hit you.

For so many reasons.

It's weird.

I always thought of
pops as being invincible.

I know. I know.

It is so hard to see our parents get older.

I mean, I called my mom this week.

She told me the same story

that she's told me three times, Dre.

Three times.

- Wow.
- I know. Oh, my God.

You know, you've told me that story twice.

Twice.

Ruby: A little bacon for you.

A little bacon for you.

A little bacon for my baby.

And...

Bacon.

Oh, I know you're trying
to kill me with it.

But that's all right. I don't care.

Mmm.

Death by pork...
a warrior's death.

Rainbow: Good morning, everybody!

Real bacon. And
And pancakes?

Ruby, I told you I don't like the kids

eating a sugary breakfast on a school day.

Since when is Thursday a school day?

Besides, I have a right
to spoil my grandbabies.

Now, who wants ice cream?

- [both] I do!
- Me!

[Laughs]

Why, why are you the sick one?

- I'm not sick.
- Okay.

Zoey: Yeah, mom. Don't worry about pops.

He's gonna live forever.

Oh, thank you, Zo-Zo.

Junior: Hey, Pops, man,

you have some great sayings
Uh, "crabs in a barrel."

- Mm.
- Eat your biggest crabs first.

What would you say is your
favorite crab-based saying?

Hmm. Strictly crab-based.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you led off with
two very strong ones there.

Um, I'd have...

boy, what... are you
recording me for posterity?

Well...

Boy, you better turn that thing
off and take your ass to school

before I flip you like a cross-tailed crab!

[Sighs]

So much crab wisdom. So little time.

I'm sorry he's so insensitive, Pops.

Will you please sign this permission slip

for a school trip.

Oh. Of course, baby girl.

There you go.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Y'all have a good day at school, now, hear?
- All right.

Bye, babies.

Now all we need to do is scan this

and e-mail it to his lawyer.

Cool.

Whoo! Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, baby boy.

What you doing with my suitcase?

I'm moving you out of the guest house

into one of our spare bedrooms

so we can keep an eye on
you while you recuperate.

I don't need to recuperate.
I'm not having any operation.

What?

I got a second opinion. And I'm fine.

- Angioplasty?
- Yeah.

Man, na.

- You walked up here, didn't you?
- On my own two feet.

Oh, you good.

If it feels real bad, use a little Afrin.

- That helps.
- I've been doing that every day.

I got some liniment in
the truck for 5 bucks.

Also got bath
towels... 2 for $8.

Liniment? Afrin?

You guys are crazy. [Chuckles]

Cranberry juice. Cleanses the blood.

- So I'm good.
- You...

cranberry juice is for
urinary-tract infection.

It's not gonna help your heart.

And that's some very pale cranberry juice.

That's 'cause it's mostly gin.

What...

- Mm.
- Give me a swallow of that.

Hey, hey.

She shot you the last time she had gin.

Good morning, gentlemen.

What are the haps?

Whoa, Dre. A two-muffin morning?

What has got you down?

My pops won't get the angioplasty.

An old-timer at my barbershop
is going through the same thing.

Just tell him to drink
a little cranberry juice.

Why is everybody talking
about cranberry juice?

Cranberry juice doesn't do anything.

I've got to go make a phone call.

Josh: Dre, you got to make
him get that procedure.

The time's come for you to step up

and be a dad to your dad like I do.

I mean, I got to change my old
man's diaper every other day.

Every other day?

Well, you should have
seen how he parented me.

Payback's a bitch.

Stevens: Dre, I-I know that we
put you off hospitals yesterday,

but this is no joke.

You don't want your father
to die of arteriosclerosis,

like my father.

He keeled over in a field.

At least he died as he lived.
Picking onions in a dress.

Hmm.

I miss you, paw-maw.

[ Gunfire] Junior: [Laughing] Stop!

Hey, guys.

Die, Hitler!

What?! Jack?! Hey!

You know you're not allowed

to play with those violent video games.

Grandma said it was okay.

Ruby!

You don't want the boy to
learn killing Nazis is good?

Strange message, Rainbow.

Oh, hey. Love you, Pops.

Oh, love you, too, Zo-Zo.

[Door closes]

All right, Pops.

- Hey.
- Enough of this.

Hey.

I was watching "Scandal."

Well, if you want to live to
see Olivia have Fitz's baby,

you're gonna get that surgery.

Don't waste your breath.
I'm not getting it.

Hey.

Yes, you are.

Boy, I'm your father.
You don't tell me what to do.

I just did!

What?

Why didn't you tell him
about the 90% success rate?

I thought you said it was 95%.

Eh...

- Who wants pizza?
- Ooh.

What's your favorite pizza?
Most memorable topping?

Where were you when you first
tasted Chicago deep-dish?

Chicago, idiot.

I will always cherish this.

Jack: You know what I like on my pizza?

- Potatoes!
- That's funny.

I just bought a fresh sack of 'em.

Come on. Get your potatoes here.

- Fresh, hot pot... [Gasping]
- Ruby: Earl!

- Pops!
- Earl!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! What's going on, Pops?

Everything okay? What happened?

- Everything's fine.
- Okay.

Everything's fine. I'll
have the damn operation.

But not because of you.

I'll let one of them quacks cut me open.

Oh, they actually don't cut you open.

They just make a little
small incision in your groin,

and then they have a-a metal tube...

Yeah, but he... he...
he said he'll have it.

- That they feed all the way up
- He... he said he'll have it.

- He's gonna have... okay. You already said yes.
- Yeah.

So I'm just gonna stop
talking and I'm gonna book it.

- Stop... stop...
- Stop talking.

- Okay, Pops. Sit.
- Hoo.

[Breathing heavily] You happy now?

- Hey.
- Hey.

So, I took the day off work,

and your mom said she can
pick the kids up from school.

No, no, no. That's okay.

You... you
don't have to go.

Pops is gonna be fine.

I know he'll be fine.

The procedure has an 88% success rate.

I thought you said 90%.

Can we stay focused, please?

- Okay.
- I'm worried about you.

- Me?
- Yes.

I'm great. All right?

Pops is doing the right thing.

This is good.

Yes, it is.

Andre, son.

Yeah?

Uh, come on and take a walk with me.

[Diddy and faith Evans'
"I'll be missing you" plays]

[Door opens]

This isn't right.

That's when it hit me...

pops wanted to take this walk

because he thought it might
be our last walk.

He was scared.

But maybe this was
an opportunity,

our chance to say all the
things we hadn't said before.

- Hmm?
- Son, son.

Dog poop.

[Chuckles]

Thanks, Pops.

Anytime.

Yeah, I'd like that.

- Rainbow.
- Yes.

I want you to know that I trust you.

And I love you.

Thank you, Pops. I love you, too.

Hey, Pops. There's another hand over here.

[Grunting] And I want you to
be in the operating room with me

when I go under.

Just knowing that you're there

will give me great comfort.

I will be there with you. I will be there.

Orderly: We need to take you in now.

- Go ahead. You're okay.
- Okay, Pops, let me go.

- Just let me go, Pops!
- Okay.

Oh. Damn that old-man strength!

Hey, Pops!

- Don't forget to breathe!
- Oh. Don't say that.

- Don't say that? Okay.
- No.

Uh, meet you on the other side!

- Not that, either.
- The other side of the doors.

- No, no, no... it sounds weird.
- Okay.

Hey.

Aren't you gonna go in there?

No. No.

Can't. A zillion protocols against it.

What

just tell them what they want to hear.

[Chuckles]

You people really are monsters.

I know. We're awful.

But, you know, we need to cultivate

a healthy sense of detachment.

Plus, I'm not gonna get all
worked up over a procedure

that has an 85% survival rate.

85%? [Cellphone chimes]

Does anybody survive these things?

- Oh, no.
- What?

It's Ruby. Diane threw up.

She wants me to come home.

You okay if I leave you here by yourself?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know,
I'd be better without you.

- Rea...
- You sociopath.

Mm-hmm. I love you, too.

- Oh, do you?
- I do.

- Okay.
- I love you.

I know you're scared. You're okay.

- Yeah, all right.
- It's gonna be good.

- Okay.
- It is.

- Just...
- You think so?

Just keep breathing, sweetie.

- [Inhales raggedly]
- Yeah, there you go.

[Exhales deeply]

You know, he's fine. He's fine.

E-ever... everything...
everything's gonna be fine.

He's... he's
gonna be okay.

Am... am I boring you, or
you don't speak English?

Both.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll leave you be.

I mean, you know, what can go wrong?

It's just a simple
balloon angioplas...

[balloon pops] [Gasps, screaming]

Oh, my daddy's dead!

My daddy's dead

and I didn't get a chance
to tell him I loved him!

Now it's too late!

Damn, damn, damn chains.

- Excuse me?
- Aah!

- Mr. Johnson?
- Yes, doctor?

Your father's procedure's
finished, and he's doing great.

What?! Oh! Ahh!

Mwah! Thank you, doctor!

Ahh!

He's alive, despite the odds!

Okay. All right.

I just want to let you know

that all your loved ones
is gonna be okay, all right?

Well, you know, maybe not all of them.

It is a hospital. [Chuckles]

Hey, little man. Sorry about your balloon.

Uh, Selena? Vaya con dios.

Mm-hmm. My daddy all right!

My daddy all right!

Is she okay?

She's gonna be fine.

[Sighs] This is all on me, Bow.

I never should have let her

chase the milkshake with churros

and a fast pony ride in the heat.

I spoil 'em too much, Bow.

I'm a bad grandma.

No, Ruby, you're a bad person.

Hey.

But you are a fantastic grandma.

It's okay that you spoil them.

I mean... Every moment we
get with you is a gift.

[Cellphone chimes] Oh.

Oh, pops is out.

He's doing great. Oh, thank God he's okay.

- He's okay.
- He's okay.

- He's okay.
- He's okay.

But you...
you're in trouble.

What?

[Laughs] You called me a gift.

No.

And I am never gonna let you forget it.

Okay, no, no. I-I was worried about pops.

- I was in emotional distress.
-
I am a gift

Okay, you're a gift.

-
I am a gift - Ruby.

-
I am a gift - I also called you a bad person.

No, I'm a gift!

- No, you're a...
- No, I'm a gift!

- You are a bad per... very bad.
-
I'm a gift

[Monitor beeping]

Can't close my eyes for a minute.

Oh, you're awake.

You made it.

Hmm. Not that I was worried.

Oh, no.

No. Me either.

Hmm.

I-I'm lying, Pops.

Man, I was terrified.

'Cause you're soft, like a crab in summer.

- [Both laugh]
- Ruby: Knock, knock.

Quit circling, vulture. I'm still alive.

Don't be a jackass, jackass.

I'm glad to see you finally
taking care of yourself.

- Mm.
- I want to be the favorite grandparent...

not the only one.

Aww. Listen at you.

Thank you, Ruby.

Aww.

Least I can do.

Get some rest, now.

Wow.

That was nice.

Yeah, sure was, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Heifer stole my Vicodin!

- Mama!
- What you talking about "mama"?

You tried to steal my damn pudding.

Well, hell, I didn't
want that cold chicken.

Okay.

[Both laugh]

I'mma eat it. [Laughs]

Alright.

Hey, Pops, the doctor said
you've got to be active.

All right. All right, come on.

Come on. Let's move it a little bit.

- [Grunting] Okay.
- Hold onto me for balance.

- [Groans]
- There you go.

- Okay.
- There you go. Come on. Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Okay.

- A little to the left.
- To the left.

- A little to the right.
- A little to the right.

How you feeling? Feeling good?

- Yeah, I'm okay.
- Okay, hold on.

- Let me see that app.
- Mm.

[Luther vandross' "dance
with my father" plays] Mm-hmm.

- Oh, hell, no.
- [Laughs]

Oh, see, I know what happened.

- What?
- I died on the table. Now I'm in hell.

Come on, come on, come
on. Let's stretch it out.

- See, you always trying to lead.
- Stretch it out.

- Turn around.
- Ohh, ohh, ohh.

- Real good.
- Ohh.

You know you love this.
I'd play
a song that would never, ever end

There you go. Come on, Dad. [Laughs]

Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh! Oh!

[Groaning]

Oh!

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