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1
00:00:00,386 --> 00:00:03,787
There comes a time when every
teenager challenges their parents.
2
00:00:03,822 --> 00:00:07,153
Zoey has been putting her momto the test for a while.
3
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,016
- [Singsongy] Hey, girl!
- Go away.
4
00:00:09,136 --> 00:00:10,659
- Bye, girl.
- But me and Zoey,
5
00:00:10,779 --> 00:00:13,698
we've always had the best
relationship... [Thud]
6
00:00:13,818 --> 00:00:15,884
- Ohh!
- Until recently.
7
00:00:16,004 --> 00:00:17,452
Hey... what's going on?
8
00:00:17,572 --> 00:00:18,997
Your sister's supposed to be watching you.
9
00:00:19,117 --> 00:00:20,588
She is. We're playing a game
10
00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,179
called "Zoey doesn't want to be bothered."
11
00:00:22,299 --> 00:00:23,384
I'm winning.
12
00:00:23,504 --> 00:00:24,441
Zoey!
13
00:00:27,479 --> 00:00:29,045
Hey, dad.
14
00:00:29,165 --> 00:00:30,976
Are those my starter studs?
15
00:00:31,096 --> 00:00:32,182
Are they?
16
00:00:32,217 --> 00:00:35,908
You do not wear daddy's
earrings, all right?
17
00:00:36,028 --> 00:00:37,476
That's man jewelry.
18
00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:40,157
And it all came to a head the other day.
19
00:00:40,191 --> 00:00:42,835
M.O.P.:
Ante up, yap that fool
20
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:45,176
ante up, kidnap that fool
21
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:46,296
[Bell dings]
it's the perfect timin'
22
00:00:46,331 --> 00:00:47,698
Pull over.
23
00:00:47,732 --> 00:00:49,099
Oh, no.
24
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:51,001
I said, pull over!
25
00:00:51,035 --> 00:00:52,169
[Horn honks]
26
00:00:52,203 --> 00:00:55,203
Hey, shut up! I'm yelling
at my kid right now!
27
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,408
Pull over, but not right here,
28
00:00:56,528 --> 00:00:57,674
because the guy behind me has road rage.
29
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,309
[Horns honking]
30
00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:02,145
Oh, you wanna go? You wanna go?!
31
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,681
[Honking continues] You wanna go?!
32
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,550
[Bell dings]
33
00:01:06,584 --> 00:01:09,052
34
00:01:09,086 --> 00:01:10,387
I didn't know it was you.
35
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:12,355
And you weren't even driving your car.
36
00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:15,136
That's because I was
sizing up a Buick enclave
37
00:01:15,256 --> 00:01:16,126
for an account at work.
38
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,894
More like a Buick entrapment.
39
00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:20,330
[Laughs] Nice! Wrong.
40
00:01:20,364 --> 00:01:22,065
You?
41
00:01:22,099 --> 00:01:24,017
- No more phone till further notice.
- What?
42
00:01:24,137 --> 00:01:27,040
- That's not fair.
- Hey, you drove a car at 15.
43
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,705
You keep talking, there'll
be no spring formal.
44
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:30,690
Now go to tie yourself to your bed
45
00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:32,378
and think about what you did.
46
00:01:33,911 --> 00:01:37,380
- This is bad, Bow.
- It's not great.
47
00:01:37,415 --> 00:01:39,576
But you know what? She's a teenager.
[Door closes in distance]
48
00:01:39,696 --> 00:01:41,940
And they need to rebel a little
bit. That's what kids do.
49
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,920
This is a gateway infraction.
50
00:01:43,955 --> 00:01:45,388
- A what?
- Where I'm from,
51
00:01:45,423 --> 00:01:47,505
first, it's joyriding, then crack,
52
00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:49,800
then getting pregnant and
having your baby in a toilet...
53
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,294
- Wh...
- then selling the baby you had
54
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:52,846
in the toilet for better crack!
55
00:01:52,966 --> 00:01:54,264
Where did you grow up?
56
00:01:54,298 --> 00:01:56,815
Far away from your
hometown of vanilla hills,
57
00:01:56,935 --> 00:01:58,451
a suburb of caucasia.
58
00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,670
Population... zero toilet babies.
59
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,042
I cannot believe we're
having this argument again.
60
00:02:03,162 --> 00:02:06,229
Bow, it's not your fault you're clueless.
61
00:02:06,349 --> 00:02:08,383
All right? After all, you were raised by...
62
00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:11,220
for lack of a better term... your mother.
63
00:02:11,254 --> 00:02:13,555
Alicia: Rainbow, my sweet, I
don't want to harsh your vibe,
64
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:15,491
but you might find that
your choice leads to
65
00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:17,759
an unexpected result.
66
00:02:17,794 --> 00:02:19,661
I never put a fork in a socket again.
67
00:02:19,696 --> 00:02:22,429
That's because your heart
stopped beating for two minutes.
68
00:02:22,549 --> 00:02:25,934
Dre, my mother allowed me to
learn my lessons on my own...
69
00:02:25,969 --> 00:02:27,536
- Mm.
- And now I'm a doctor.
70
00:02:27,570 --> 00:02:28,904
And I have an intimate understanding
71
00:02:28,938 --> 00:02:30,372
of electrical current
72
00:02:30,406 --> 00:02:33,008
as it relates to cardiac muscle.
73
00:02:33,042 --> 00:02:36,511
Your childhood was
lawless, practically feral.
74
00:02:36,546 --> 00:02:38,981
So the internment that was
your childhood was better?
75
00:02:39,015 --> 00:02:40,248
Well, say what you want,
76
00:02:40,283 --> 00:02:42,050
but he didn't get away with anything.
77
00:02:42,085 --> 00:02:44,953
If I thought he was up to
no good, tossed his room.
78
00:02:44,987 --> 00:02:47,756
[Fabric ripping] Pops?
79
00:02:50,393 --> 00:02:53,361
Stitch it back up.
80
00:02:53,396 --> 00:02:55,997
Hey, I learned discipline...
81
00:02:56,032 --> 00:02:57,199
And sewing.
82
00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:59,301
And you grew up resenting your father.
83
00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:01,536
- As it should be.
- You guys just don't get it.
84
00:03:01,571 --> 00:03:03,572
Girls at this age shut their mothers out.
85
00:03:03,606 --> 00:03:07,309
And Zoey already doesn't wanna
hang out with me, and I hate it.
86
00:03:07,343 --> 00:03:08,910
I was best friends with my mother.
87
00:03:08,945 --> 00:03:10,779
- Aw.
- I liked it!
88
00:03:10,813 --> 00:03:12,624
And I wanna be best friends
with my daughter.
89
00:03:12,744 --> 00:03:14,683
Well, you're in luck. The way
you guys are running things,
90
00:03:14,717 --> 00:03:16,618
your daughter will bring home
her own daughter soon...
91
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:18,119
It... and you can have two best friends.
92
00:03:19,622 --> 00:03:21,423
So what's it like to drive a car?
93
00:03:21,457 --> 00:03:22,991
- Oh, it's actually pretty cool...
- See, Zoey?
94
00:03:23,025 --> 00:03:25,360
You're setting a bad example
for the young ones.
95
00:03:25,394 --> 00:03:27,228
They should be thanking me.
96
00:03:27,263 --> 00:03:29,898
And you all need to show
a little more respect.
97
00:03:29,932 --> 00:03:31,300
For you? Why?
98
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,588
- Gonna need reasons.
- As the oldest,
99
00:03:33,622 --> 00:03:36,591
I'm taking the heat so you won't have to.
100
00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:38,259
I'm your civil rights movement.
101
00:03:38,294 --> 00:03:39,694
False prophet.
102
00:03:39,729 --> 00:03:43,264
Guys, just be good. It's easier.
103
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,400
I never have to look over my shoulder,
104
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,268
and I have no worries and no stress.
105
00:03:47,303 --> 00:03:49,504
You also have no friends and
have never kissed a girl.
106
00:03:49,538 --> 00:03:53,241
Children, walk with me in the light.
107
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,944
Walk with me.
108
00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,046
[Lowered voice] Come on.
109
00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,981
So if Zoey hadn't looked
over at me in the car,
110
00:04:00,015 --> 00:04:02,517
she would've gone on her way,
and the headlines would've read,
111
00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:04,686
"unlicensed girl crashes car,
112
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,121
beloved daddy's reputation ruined."
113
00:04:07,156 --> 00:04:09,190
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but your
daughter and her friends were
114
00:04:09,224 --> 00:04:11,226
checking out a Buick enclave.
115
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,962
That's pretty useful info for
the Research Department.
116
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:16,231
- Are you not listening to me right now?
- Hey.
117
00:04:16,265 --> 00:04:18,066
Do you think she'd do a video testimonial?
118
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,802
So today is the day you guys
decide to focus on work?
119
00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:23,705
You're right. You're
right. [Inhales sharply]
120
00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:25,206
- That's lunch, everybody.
- Mm!
121
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,942
No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on. I need some feedback
122
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,211
and I tried talking to
Bow, but that's no help.
123
00:04:30,245 --> 00:04:32,680
Hell, she lets the kids do what they want.
124
00:04:32,715 --> 00:04:35,116
I hear ya, Dre. My first
wife was a bit of an enabler.
125
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,685
It ended with my boys
trying to to Menendez me.
126
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,120
Duct-taped me to the fridge
127
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,321
and beat me with a bag of clementines
128
00:04:40,356 --> 00:04:42,123
- to get my bank codes.
- Wow.
129
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,659
We were taught to, uh, respect
our parents. Right, Charlie?
130
00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:45,860
Hell, yeah.
131
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:48,196
Except Eustace kinda runs
the show at my house.
132
00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:49,363
I lost the moral high ground
133
00:04:49,398 --> 00:04:50,734
once I bought a jet ski in his name
134
00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:52,934
- and ruined his credit.
- You own a jet ski?
135
00:04:52,968 --> 00:04:54,368
Technically, he does.
136
00:04:54,403 --> 00:04:56,671
Or did. Had to get rid of it.
137
00:04:56,705 --> 00:04:57,839
My building manager said
138
00:04:57,873 --> 00:04:59,507
it was taking up to much room in the pool.
139
00:04:59,541 --> 00:05:00,975
[Grunts] Look, Dre,
140
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,244
what have you done to punish Zoey?
141
00:05:03,278 --> 00:05:05,046
- I took away her phone.
- Smart.
142
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,914
So you can check out all
her Snapchats, Tumblr,
143
00:05:06,949 --> 00:05:08,483
Tinder, Grindr.
144
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,951
I'm on all of 'em.
145
00:05:09,985 --> 00:05:11,152
Pretty lonely, you guys.
146
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,887
Hey, thinking about getting a cat.
147
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,836
- Social media is the wild, wild west.
- Mm-hmm.
148
00:05:15,871 --> 00:05:20,015
I read about some teens running
a prostitution ring on Instagram.
149
00:05:20,135 --> 00:05:21,435
kids these days!
150
00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:22,803
So much hustle.
151
00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:27,441
You have got to keep tabs
on your kids at all times.
152
00:05:27,476 --> 00:05:29,076
And technology will let you do that.
153
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:32,346
Like right now my boys are...
154
00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:33,514
In my kitchen,
155
00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:36,083
filling a gunnysack full of cantaloupes.
156
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,818
Ooh. Can't go home right now.
157
00:05:37,853 --> 00:05:39,987
Amidst their insanity,
158
00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:42,123
my co-workers had some good advice...
159
00:05:42,157 --> 00:05:46,026
violate my daughter's federallyprotected right to privacy.
160
00:05:46,061 --> 00:05:47,829
Man: [Russian accent] Now thatyou've cloned fingerprint,
161
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:50,800
use it to bypass phone security.
162
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:52,654
Bang! I'm in!
163
00:05:52,688 --> 00:05:53,922
[Laughs]
164
00:05:53,956 --> 00:05:56,357
- Is that Zoey's phone?
- Uh-huh.
165
00:05:56,392 --> 00:05:57,592
I broke into her snapchat account
166
00:05:57,626 --> 00:06:00,094
with the help of this
Russian YouTube hacker.
167
00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:01,729
It's called parenting.
168
00:06:01,764 --> 00:06:03,798
It's called a heinous invasion of privacy.
169
00:06:03,832 --> 00:06:06,401
See? That's your problem.
You're too pro-kid.
170
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:08,603
"Oh, kids are people,
too." Blah, blah, blah.
171
00:06:08,637 --> 00:06:10,538
Loosey-goosey parenting like that
172
00:06:10,573 --> 00:06:12,840
is what made things like James Franco.
173
00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:14,575
He took a chance at the oscars.
174
00:06:14,610 --> 00:06:16,778
Bow, you really need to
learn how to say "no."
175
00:06:16,812 --> 00:06:19,013
- I know how to say "no."
- Do you?
176
00:06:19,048 --> 00:06:20,848
- Hmm?
- Yes.
177
00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:21,816
Yes.
178
00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:24,352
[Ladder rattling]
179
00:06:24,386 --> 00:06:26,254
Yes.
180
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:29,123
Well, it's better than only
knowing how to say "no."
181
00:06:29,158 --> 00:06:30,324
- May I
- No.
182
00:06:30,359 --> 00:06:32,060
- Can you
- No.
183
00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:34,095
- I got an "A"!
- No.
184
00:06:36,131 --> 00:06:38,566
I don't even think you
can say the word "yes."
185
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,068
No, I can.
186
00:06:40,102 --> 00:06:42,141
- Unbelievable.
- Here's what it looks like
187
00:06:42,261 --> 00:06:43,728
when you try to become best friends...
188
00:06:43,763 --> 00:06:44,729
- Mm-hmm. Yep.
- With your daughter.
189
00:06:44,764 --> 00:06:46,831
Huh. Look at Zoey's friend Maya.
190
00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:48,566
- She's best friends with her mom.
- Mm-hmm.
191
00:06:48,601 --> 00:06:51,436
And that's why I'm looking at
pictures of her new boobs
192
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:53,004
and her mom's.
193
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,272
- Look at Zoey's pal Sarah...
- Mm-hmm.
194
00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:56,808
In what looks to be an invisible bikini.
195
00:06:56,842 --> 00:06:58,643
Look at the crew she hangs with!
196
00:06:58,677 --> 00:06:59,911
- These are the people...
- Okay.
197
00:06:59,979 --> 00:07:01,846
- That our baby girl...
- Enough! Enough.
198
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,781
You need to stop now, Dre. Stop.
199
00:07:03,816 --> 00:07:05,183
Okay.
200
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,384
- Oh, my God.
- What?
201
00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:08,853
- Wait. Is that Zoey? That's Zoey.
- Let me see.
202
00:07:08,888 --> 00:07:11,422
Oh, my God. She's holding a cigarette!
203
00:07:11,457 --> 00:07:13,891
And reclining on a motorcycle!
204
00:07:13,926 --> 00:07:15,226
Okay, in her defense,
205
00:07:15,261 --> 00:07:17,328
that's an e-cigarette and... and a Vespa.
206
00:07:17,363 --> 00:07:18,796
- Bow!
- You're right!
207
00:07:18,831 --> 00:07:20,632
[Gasps] She's gonna have a toilet baby,
208
00:07:20,666 --> 00:07:22,242
and we're gonna be toilet grandparents.
209
00:07:22,362 --> 00:07:23,901
You still wanna be her best friend,
210
00:07:23,936 --> 00:07:25,436
or do you wanna drop the hammer?
211
00:07:25,471 --> 00:07:27,238
- It's hammer time.
- Damn straight.
212
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,507
Doggy's off the chain. Woof! Woof!
213
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:31,309
Woof! Woof!
214
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,206
Look, you cannot let Zoey know
we have access to her phone.
215
00:07:35,241 --> 00:07:37,942
- We have to hide the ball. "Imitation Game."
- Okay.
216
00:07:38,062 --> 00:07:39,195
- Got it.
- All right.
217
00:07:39,229 --> 00:07:40,396
A man listening to hype music
218
00:07:40,431 --> 00:07:43,296
while referencing a gay British
wartime math movie. You are a
219
00:07:43,416 --> 00:07:45,935
- delightful bundle of contradictions.
- Unh!
220
00:07:45,969 --> 00:07:48,404
DMX:
Shut 'em down, open up shop
221
00:07:48,439 --> 00:07:49,418
oh, no
222
00:07:49,538 --> 00:07:52,208
[Whispers] Okay. All
right, look. It's go time.
223
00:07:52,242 --> 00:07:54,010
All right, the kids will
never know what hit 'em.
224
00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:57,146
[Loudly] Hear me, children! New
family rules coming at you!
225
00:07:57,181 --> 00:07:58,714
For all of us? What did we do?
226
00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:01,150
Yeah. We all know Zoey's the bad seed.
227
00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:02,285
- Hey!
- Shh!
228
00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:04,287
Rules are a warm security blanket,
229
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:06,155
smothering all uncertainty.
230
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:06,913
Exactly.
231
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:09,931
We called this meeting so that
we can have an open dialogue
232
00:08:10,051 --> 00:08:11,761
and work together [Loud thud]
233
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:12,862
- Oh!
- Dre: Boom!
234
00:08:12,896 --> 00:08:14,730
- Um...
- hmm?
235
00:08:14,765 --> 00:08:16,132
- What's that?
- Oh!
236
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:18,634
This is "the 10,000 commandments."
237
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:21,137
Commandment number 1...
238
00:08:21,171 --> 00:08:22,614
- "Thou shall not..."
- Is he serious?
239
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:23,359
Uh, yes.
240
00:08:23,479 --> 00:08:25,708
Commandment 1B...
241
00:08:25,742 --> 00:08:29,912
"Thou shall not interrupt the
giver of commandments."
242
00:08:29,946 --> 00:08:33,315
"...no TV, Internet,
243
00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:34,950
"or parental requests
244
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,052
after 10:00 p.m."
245
00:08:37,087 --> 00:08:38,554
- But...
- Aah, aah, aah!
246
00:08:38,588 --> 00:08:40,971
- But... but...
- Now in the "should go without saying"
247
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:43,852
section, "no driving without a license.
248
00:08:43,896 --> 00:08:48,161
and no hanging out with dopes
that will hold you back."
249
00:08:48,281 --> 00:08:49,515
But we share a room.
250
00:08:49,549 --> 00:08:52,284
I'm going to punch you in the
back while you're asleep.
251
00:08:52,319 --> 00:08:54,187
[Sighs deeply] Nobody's
punching anybody in the back
252
00:08:54,307 --> 00:08:55,254
while they're asleep.
253
00:08:55,288 --> 00:08:57,423
And if you find something laying
in the middle of the street
254
00:08:57,457 --> 00:08:58,924
that's not quite dead,
255
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:02,027
thou shall not put it in your sock drawer.
256
00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,796
What if you already named it "Gus"?
257
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,798
Gus must go.
258
00:09:05,832 --> 00:09:07,099
[Whines]
259
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:09,635
Probably wasn't gonna make
it through the night anyway.
260
00:09:09,669 --> 00:09:12,504
Mom, does this not all seem crazy to you?
261
00:09:12,539 --> 00:09:13,672
- Dre.
- Huh?
262
00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:16,141
Um... Could we have a little
sidebar in the kitchen?
263
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,242
Fine.
264
00:09:17,277 --> 00:09:19,678
But I will be obeyed.
265
00:09:19,712 --> 00:09:22,181
And yes... [whispers] I'm talking to you.
266
00:09:25,151 --> 00:09:26,184
What was that?
267
00:09:26,219 --> 00:09:27,753
I was about to ask you the same thing.
268
00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:28,921
- Me?
- And what was up with
269
00:09:28,955 --> 00:09:30,689
this undermining chicken routine?
270
00:09:30,723 --> 00:09:32,524
Huh?! Every time I spoke, you were like,
271
00:09:32,558 --> 00:09:35,193
"but, but, but, but, but,
but, but, but..." [Clucks]
272
00:09:35,228 --> 00:09:37,696
Dre, your rules are over the top.
273
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:39,264
- These are children.
- Mm-hmm.
274
00:09:39,298 --> 00:09:40,432
They're not prisoners.
275
00:09:40,466 --> 00:09:41,633
You let the dog off the leash,
276
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,168
somebody bound to get bit.
277
00:09:43,202 --> 00:09:44,336
Mm-hmm.
278
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,171
All right, maggots!
279
00:09:47,807 --> 00:09:49,274
[Chuckles]
280
00:09:49,308 --> 00:09:51,810
Last chance. Do you wanna run away with us?
281
00:09:51,844 --> 00:09:53,645
We're going somewhere with fewer rules,
282
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,780
like a German submarine academy.
283
00:09:55,815 --> 00:09:58,283
Not everyone has the
fortitude to live by the law,
284
00:09:58,317 --> 00:10:01,019
but we must stay the straight and narrow.
285
00:10:01,053 --> 00:10:03,522
Forget the rules. I need
sugar to get over Gus.
286
00:10:03,556 --> 00:10:06,424
By the way, Gus passed.
287
00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,693
Don't forget to shut down
his Twitter account.
288
00:10:08,728 --> 00:10:10,428
- Oh, yeah.
- Before you eat that,
289
00:10:10,463 --> 00:10:12,497
let's examine the good book.
290
00:10:12,531 --> 00:10:13,632
Diane: Hmm?
291
00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:16,935
It says, "no sticky stuff in the house."
292
00:10:16,969 --> 00:10:19,437
There's a way around that.
293
00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:23,308
Watch and learn, children. Watch and learn.
294
00:10:23,342 --> 00:10:24,976
[Blinds whoosh]
295
00:10:25,011 --> 00:10:26,778
[Dog barking in distance]
296
00:10:26,812 --> 00:10:30,181
[Mouth full] See? My head is outside,
297
00:10:30,216 --> 00:10:33,785
so I'm not eating it in the house.
298
00:10:33,819 --> 00:10:36,821
And that's what we call a loophole.
299
00:10:36,856 --> 00:10:39,040
- Listening.
- The trick is to make the rules
300
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,126
work for you. Take Mitt Romney.
301
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,595
He made more money last year than Belgium
302
00:10:43,629 --> 00:10:46,197
and only paid, like, $27 in taxes.
303
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:47,298
How?
304
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:49,968
Completely legal loopholes.
305
00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:52,470
Mind... Blown.
306
00:10:52,504 --> 00:10:54,005
So Taffy up...
307
00:10:54,039 --> 00:10:55,406
And come join me in the loophole.
308
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:01,145
I'm calling from a landline.
309
00:11:01,180 --> 00:11:04,148
I mean, it sounds better,
but I don't care. It's gross.
310
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:06,250
I'm only allowed to go
out one night a month.
311
00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:07,452
So if I go to a movie with you guys,
312
00:11:07,486 --> 00:11:09,587
I can't go to spring formal.
313
00:11:09,621 --> 00:11:11,622
Because my parents are crazy.
314
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:13,324
- [Clears throat]
- Yeah.
315
00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:14,525
Hey, girl!
316
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:15,893
[Phone beeps] Go away.
317
00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:17,895
Zoey, come on. It's just a movie.
318
00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:20,131
That Daylen Diaz is going to.
319
00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:22,166
- Who's she?
- He God, mom.
320
00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:25,303
He's only the guy I've been
obsessed with all semester.
321
00:11:25,337 --> 00:11:27,442
And if I don't go, Maya's gonna be there,
322
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,640
shoving her new boobs in his face.
323
00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:31,409
But... You don't care.
324
00:11:31,443 --> 00:11:34,414
No, I-I-I do care.
325
00:11:34,449 --> 00:11:36,550
Don't be mad at me. D...
326
00:11:36,584 --> 00:11:38,118
Zoey... [door closes]
327
00:11:38,152 --> 00:11:41,054
These are your father's rules,
okay? They're not mine.
328
00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:43,323
If it were up to me, I would let you go.
329
00:11:43,358 --> 00:11:45,325
I mean, Maya? Ugh.
330
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,493
I haven't liked her ever since
331
00:11:46,527 --> 00:11:48,261
she hacked into your club penguin account
332
00:11:48,296 --> 00:11:50,130
and rearranged all that furniture.
333
00:11:50,164 --> 00:11:51,765
[Sighs deeply]
334
00:11:51,799 --> 00:11:53,867
You can't let Maya get Daylen.
335
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:55,068
So you'll let me go?
336
00:11:55,103 --> 00:11:56,303
W...
337
00:11:56,337 --> 00:11:57,871
I would love to,
338
00:11:57,905 --> 00:11:59,773
but I can't do that unilaterally.
339
00:11:59,807 --> 00:12:02,676
I mean, maybe we can get
your dad to change his mind.
340
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:03,944
That'll never happen.
341
00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:05,612
It might.
342
00:12:07,415 --> 00:12:10,317
Have you ever told your
dad that he looked skinny?
343
00:12:10,351 --> 00:12:12,085
Why would I say that?
344
00:12:12,119 --> 00:12:14,721
Do you wanna go to the movies or not?
345
00:12:14,755 --> 00:12:16,856
346
00:12:16,891 --> 00:12:18,458
And it's just CityWalk.
347
00:12:18,492 --> 00:12:19,993
It's not even a real city.
348
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:22,729
So really, I'm not asking for anything.
349
00:12:22,763 --> 00:12:25,599
Mm-hmm.
350
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:28,969
You're looking so slender lately, dad.
351
00:12:29,003 --> 00:12:31,171
Uh, have you been working out?
352
00:12:31,205 --> 00:12:33,039
Well, I did a push-up yesterday.
353
00:12:33,074 --> 00:12:34,207
- Oh!
- I saw him do it.
354
00:12:34,242 --> 00:12:35,342
[Chuckles] Wow.
355
00:12:35,376 --> 00:12:36,810
Are you trying to work me?
356
00:12:36,844 --> 00:12:37,877
It is working?
357
00:12:37,912 --> 00:12:39,012
- No.
- No?
358
00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:41,314
Now tell me, who exactly is going?
359
00:12:41,349 --> 00:12:42,549
Uh, well...
360
00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:44,651
Maya, Chloe, Beth,
361
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:46,419
- Daylen...
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold... hold on.
362
00:12:46,454 --> 00:12:49,689
Daylen? What... what
kind of name is Daylen?
363
00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:52,058
Uh, it's a... it's a-a very...
364
00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:53,893
- Uh, popular name with girls.
- Yeah.
365
00:12:53,928 --> 00:12:55,929
Yeah, uh, girls love Daylen.
366
00:12:55,963 --> 00:12:57,330
It's basically just a girls' night out.
367
00:12:57,364 --> 00:12:59,799
So you cool with this, Bow?
368
00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:01,668
Well, I mean, it's totally
against the rules,
369
00:13:01,702 --> 00:13:03,036
but I'm game if you're game.
370
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:05,071
All right, let me tell you
how this is gonna go down.
371
00:13:05,105 --> 00:13:06,894
- Mm-hmm
- I'll let you hang with your little
372
00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:12,111
girlfriends, but you have to be back
in this house by 11:30 sharp.
373
00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:14,814
Thank you, dad. You are the best.
374
00:13:14,848 --> 00:13:16,049
- See that?
- Mm-hmm.
375
00:13:16,083 --> 00:13:17,817
Power and mercy.
376
00:13:17,851 --> 00:13:19,919
- [Whispers] Yeah.
- [Chuckles]
377
00:13:19,954 --> 00:13:22,622
You are as wise as you are skinny.
378
00:13:22,656 --> 00:13:24,657
Yeah, I think you're making fun of me.
379
00:13:24,692 --> 00:13:26,359
- No.
- And I forgive you.
380
00:13:26,393 --> 00:13:27,960
Mnh. Okay.
381
00:13:27,995 --> 00:13:31,926
Power... And mercy.
382
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,737
So you've been a real father
for, what, two days?
383
00:13:34,738 --> 00:13:36,838
You have any idea where
your daughter is right now?
384
00:13:37,239 --> 00:13:39,326
Longitude or latitude, huh?
385
00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:41,884
See that green dot right there
at CityWalk? That's Zoey.
386
00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:44,486
I could send in a drone and wipe
her off the face of the earth,
387
00:13:44,521 --> 00:13:47,956
or I could send her a delicious
tin of Garrett's popcorn.
388
00:13:47,991 --> 00:13:49,558
I don't understand why you
need all that high-tech crap
389
00:13:49,592 --> 00:13:50,859
to keep tabs on your kids.
390
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,127
I mean, I hired a homeless
guy to follow you,
391
00:13:52,162 --> 00:13:54,930
- keep you out of trouble.
- [Chuckles]
392
00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:57,333
You mean the white dude
in the beret with no neck?
393
00:13:57,367 --> 00:14:01,937
[Dogs barking in distance]
394
00:14:06,142 --> 00:14:07,409
Paid him with a crown
royal bag full of quarters.
395
00:14:07,444 --> 00:14:09,445
Told ne everything I needed to know.
396
00:14:09,479 --> 00:14:11,246
I thought that dude was
trying to kidnap me.
397
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:13,449
Pops, you told me I was being paranoid!
398
00:14:13,483 --> 00:14:15,651
You do realize that experience shaped
399
00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:17,452
the way I feel about white people.
400
00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:19,288
Son, No-Neck Tony loved you.
401
00:14:19,322 --> 00:14:20,556
And on the bright side,
402
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,157
you never got kidnapped by a white man.
403
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,358
What?
404
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:25,561
I'm going to get some
coffee. You want some?
405
00:14:25,595 --> 00:14:27,329
Another fun loophole...
406
00:14:27,363 --> 00:14:29,665
dad said no late night eating,
407
00:14:29,699 --> 00:14:33,535
but he didn't say no late night drinking.
408
00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:34,836
Aw, yeah!
409
00:14:34,871 --> 00:14:37,906
[Whirs] Whoa!
410
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,842
Behold... the Hamburger-Smoothie.
411
00:14:40,877 --> 00:14:42,911
And what's a burger without fries?
412
00:14:44,647 --> 00:14:46,014
[Resumes whirring]
413
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:48,016
So curfew was what, 11:30?
414
00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:50,118
She gonna make it home
in, uh... 45 seconds?
415
00:14:50,153 --> 00:14:52,354
[Laughs] No-Neck Tony
would've knocked you out
416
00:14:52,388 --> 00:14:53,722
and had you home by now.
417
00:14:53,756 --> 00:14:55,090
I thought those were blackouts.
418
00:14:55,124 --> 00:14:57,525
- I was convinced I had epilepsy.
- Well, that's on you.
419
00:14:57,645 --> 00:14:58,660
When I heard Tony's shopping cart coming,
420
00:14:58,694 --> 00:14:59,961
I knew you were all right.
421
00:14:59,996 --> 00:15:01,630
You know what? Zoey will be here in time.
422
00:15:01,664 --> 00:15:03,498
I have control over my children.
423
00:15:03,533 --> 00:15:04,966
Uh-huh.
424
00:15:05,001 --> 00:15:08,503
Junior, what did I tell you
about eating after dinner?
425
00:15:08,538 --> 00:15:11,172
I'm not eating, dad. I'm drinking.
426
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:13,141
A cheeseburger smoothie with fries.
427
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:15,043
- Loophole!
- Ohh. Clever.
428
00:15:15,077 --> 00:15:16,278
How's it taste?
429
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,814
[Slurps]
430
00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,950
- Awesome!
- I see.
431
00:15:21,984 --> 00:15:25,420
Now drink every chunky drop.
432
00:15:26,989 --> 00:15:28,723
[Mouth full] Mnh! Oh, God. Pickle.
433
00:15:28,758 --> 00:15:29,791
[Coughs] See?
434
00:15:29,825 --> 00:15:30,925
I'm in control.
435
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,061
Your son is drinking meat.
436
00:15:33,095 --> 00:15:35,296
Tight ship.
437
00:15:35,331 --> 00:15:37,032
Rainbow: Hey, it's Bow. Leave a message.
438
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,166
[Beep]
439
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,534
Bow, call me.
440
00:15:39,568 --> 00:15:40,769
Have you heard from Zoey?
441
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:42,871
She's an hour late for her curfew, and...
442
00:15:42,905 --> 00:15:44,506
I don't wanna sound like a woman, but...
443
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,942
[Voice breaks] Oh, God. I'm worried sick!
444
00:15:47,977 --> 00:15:49,677
[Door opens]
445
00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:50,745
[Dog barking in distance]
446
00:15:53,782 --> 00:15:55,550
- Hey... Dad.
- Yeah.
447
00:15:55,618 --> 00:16:00,555
Give me a second to experience
relief that you're not dead.
448
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:01,956
[Exhales deeply]
449
00:16:01,991 --> 00:16:03,258
Where the hell have you been, huh?!
450
00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:04,692
I... you better have a damn good story!
451
00:16:04,727 --> 00:16:06,060
And I don't care what the story is,
452
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,996
it's never gonna be good
enough! Start talking, girl!
453
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,198
- It was...
- Shut up! I don't wanna hear it!
454
00:16:10,232 --> 00:16:12,267
I don't know what to do now.
455
00:16:12,301 --> 00:16:14,969
Yeah. Lucky for you, neither do I.
456
00:16:15,004 --> 00:16:19,173
You obliterated your curfew
without so much as a phone call.
457
00:16:19,208 --> 00:16:20,942
Oh, my phone died.
458
00:16:20,976 --> 00:16:22,276
So you were at a phone funeral?
459
00:16:22,311 --> 00:16:23,678
- That's where you were?
- No, no, no.
460
00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:25,046
Uh-huh! Look at this. Uh-huh.
461
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,849
Oh, my God. You made a fake fingerprint?
462
00:16:27,883 --> 00:16:29,917
Yeah. That'll teach you to
drink milk without gloves.
463
00:16:29,952 --> 00:16:31,285
Hold that.
464
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,921
Dre: Then the whole sordid affair
465
00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:35,790
played out in front of me.
466
00:16:35,824 --> 00:16:40,027
I realized my daughter wasliving a dark, secret life...
467
00:16:40,062 --> 00:16:41,629
With my wife!
468
00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:54,675
Zoey' voice: L.O.L. Daylenasked me to spring formal.
469
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:57,345
He's so cute. Maya cried!
470
00:16:57,379 --> 00:16:59,413
Emoji heart, emoji
heart, emoji heart...
471
00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:07,421
Zoey's voice: Mom, ride left early...
472
00:17:16,031 --> 00:17:17,832
Dre: I felt so betrayed.
473
00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:19,900
Bow helped Zoey play me?
474
00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:21,735
Daylen is a boy?
475
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,337
And I don't want to sound
like woman, but...
476
00:17:23,371 --> 00:17:25,806
[Stomps foot] [Voice breaks]They think I'm fat.
477
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:34,338
[Door closes]
478
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,453
- Hello, rainbow.
- [Gasps]
479
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:38,695
[Switch clicks] Dre! Are you
trying to give me a heart attack?!
480
00:17:38,729 --> 00:17:40,129
You're the one sneaking in.
481
00:17:40,164 --> 00:17:41,898
Or coming home from work.
482
00:17:41,932 --> 00:17:45,134
Mm-hmm. Hey, is there anything
you'd like to talk about?
483
00:17:45,169 --> 00:17:47,937
Any conspiracies you'd like to reveal?
484
00:17:47,971 --> 00:17:50,006
Uh... Not that I can think of.
485
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,174
You.
486
00:17:51,208 --> 00:17:52,342
Uber.
487
00:17:52,376 --> 00:17:55,712
Zoey's girlfriend Daylen having a penis.
488
00:17:55,746 --> 00:17:58,314
You didn't stand strong, Bow!
489
00:17:58,382 --> 00:18:00,917
[Sighs deeply] You're right.
490
00:18:00,951 --> 00:18:03,352
I'm sorry. Okay, I just wanted...
491
00:18:03,387 --> 00:18:04,687
- yeah, admit it!
- I...
492
00:18:04,721 --> 00:18:08,090
admit that you just wanted
to be friends with her.
493
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:09,625
Yeah, that's what I was about to say.
494
00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:11,894
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. It was a part of my apology.
495
00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:13,029
Oh, I didn't hear it.
496
00:18:13,063 --> 00:18:14,230
- I was wrong.
- Mm-hmm.
497
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:15,965
Okay? But she was letting me back in,
498
00:18:15,999 --> 00:18:17,700
and I just couldn't resist. So I...
499
00:18:17,734 --> 00:18:20,369
I gave her a couple of tips
about how to handle you.
500
00:18:20,404 --> 00:18:24,040
Since when have I needed to be handled?
501
00:18:24,074 --> 00:18:26,342
Since you became a crazy person?
502
00:18:26,376 --> 00:18:28,277
- Mm-hmm.
- Your heart is in the right place,
503
00:18:28,312 --> 00:18:30,579
but you can be very scary.
504
00:18:30,614 --> 00:18:34,050
You were sitting in the dark,
waiting for a grown-ass woman.
505
00:18:34,084 --> 00:18:36,118
That's why the kids come to me.
506
00:18:36,153 --> 00:18:37,286
Youse a scary man.
507
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,622
I am not scary.
508
00:18:39,656 --> 00:18:42,725
I'm cuddly and lovable, damn it!
509
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:44,226
This hit me hard.
510
00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:46,529
I needed to get some outside opinions
511
00:18:46,563 --> 00:18:48,597
on whether I was scary or not.
512
00:18:48,632 --> 00:18:51,267
- Hey, guys!
- [All scream]
513
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,836
Okay, I was just gonna
ask if I was scary, but...
514
00:18:53,870 --> 00:18:55,271
Oh, yeah. Terrifying.
515
00:18:55,305 --> 00:18:58,107
Are you sure you're just
not afraid of black dudes?
516
00:18:58,141 --> 00:19:00,042
Totally, but you're a special case.
517
00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:02,444
I mean, just hearing you
breathe cures my hiccups.
518
00:19:02,479 --> 00:19:03,779
Yeah, it's you, maing.
519
00:19:03,813 --> 00:19:05,748
Hey, people who know me know that
520
00:19:05,782 --> 00:19:08,284
I am a cuddly and lovable guy.
521
00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:09,818
Who can be a little hard to talk to.
522
00:19:09,853 --> 00:19:11,620
And doesn't take criticism well.
523
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:13,022
For example, Dre,
524
00:19:13,056 --> 00:19:15,824
all of the original artwork
you did for the Buick pitch
525
00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:17,092
said "Biuck."
526
00:19:17,127 --> 00:19:18,627
- What?
- And I knew you'd
527
00:19:18,662 --> 00:19:20,596
fly off the handle if I
pointed it out to you,
528
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,931
so I asked Charlie to change
it without telling you.
529
00:19:22,966 --> 00:19:24,033
See?
530
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:27,436
"Experience the new Biuck"? Charlie!
531
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,472
I-I was s-scared to... to ch-change it.
532
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:33,175
When people whose judgmentyou don't trust at all
533
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:35,144
are still able to size you up,
534
00:19:35,178 --> 00:19:36,779
it's time to listen.
535
00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,947
So I decided to ease up a bit
536
00:19:38,982 --> 00:19:40,983
and let Zoey go to spring formal.
537
00:19:41,017 --> 00:19:42,851
Now have fun, and remember,
538
00:19:42,886 --> 00:19:45,087
no Vespas and no vaping.
539
00:19:45,121 --> 00:19:47,256
- What?
- I see everything.
540
00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,192
Dre, it's enough. She learned her lesson.
541
00:19:50,226 --> 00:19:51,360
- All right.
- Rainbow: Bye, babe.
542
00:19:51,394 --> 00:19:52,694
Have fun! [Chuckles]
543
00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:53,896
[Car door closes]
544
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:55,697
- Nice moment, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
545
00:19:55,732 --> 00:19:57,699
Daughter off to the spring formal
546
00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:59,935
with the blessing of both her moms.
547
00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:01,303
What are you trying to say, pops?
548
00:20:01,337 --> 00:20:03,305
I'm not trying to say anything. I said it.
549
00:20:03,339 --> 00:20:04,506
- Son, you're soft.
- I...
550
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:06,008
you're lady soft.
551
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,343
You're ladysoft black mambazo.
552
00:20:08,378 --> 00:20:11,013
So... Text me pictures.
553
00:20:11,047 --> 00:20:12,814
Text me stories.
554
00:20:12,849 --> 00:20:14,149
- Just text me, okay?
- Got it.
555
00:20:14,183 --> 00:20:15,517
Wait, this...
556
00:20:15,551 --> 00:20:17,445
That's funny. My seat's
so close. [Whirring]
557
00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:20,095
Ooh! Lumbar's off, too.
558
00:20:20,096 --> 00:20:21,331
Weird.
559
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:26,303
Someone swapped my Beck for
Beyonc?? [Seat belt clicks]
560
00:20:31,341 --> 00:20:33,108
Get out of the car.
561
00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:36,345
- Get... Out... Of... The car!
- [Groans]
562
00:20:36,346 --> 00:20:38,280
Are you kidding me?
563
00:20:38,281 --> 00:20:39,348
- Zo-zo?
- What's going on?
564
00:20:39,349 --> 00:20:41,317
- She drove my car.
- What?
565
00:20:41,318 --> 00:20:43,352
You know what? She is not
going to the spring formal.
566
00:20:43,353 --> 00:20:45,254
She's not leaving the house. [Door closes]
567
00:20:45,255 --> 00:20:47,122
She might not go to college.
568
00:20:47,123 --> 00:20:49,158
Zoey! [Door opens]
569
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:50,648
[Lowered voice] Well, son,
looks like your wife decided
570
00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:52,394
to sac up and grow a pair, huh?
571
00:20:52,395 --> 00:20:54,230
You're off the hook.
572
00:20:55,231 --> 00:20:57,515
Rainbow: Go to your room!
573
00:20:57,635 --> 00:21:00,476
I do not want to see your face! Ugh!
574
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:05,076
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