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1
00:00:02,781 --> 00:00:05,649
Dre: Behind many a great
black man is a strong woman
2
00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:08,853
who sacrificed to raise
him right... his mama.
3
00:00:08,854 --> 00:00:10,454
And my mama's the best.
4
00:00:10,922 --> 00:00:12,456
Sorry, other great black men.
5
00:00:12,457 --> 00:00:14,024
Wow.
6
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:16,560
Tulips, chocolate.
7
00:00:16,561 --> 00:00:18,295
Oh, my God. Wait... Dre.
8
00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:21,965
Are you using the candle you gave me
for our anniversary for your mom?
9
00:00:21,966 --> 00:00:24,534
Junior was just in here with
that eye-watering puberty funk.
10
00:00:24,535 --> 00:00:26,169
Whew! Whoo.
11
00:00:27,539 --> 00:00:29,072
- Cotton sheets?
- Yeah.
12
00:00:29,073 --> 00:00:32,442
Come on. This is my mom, not your mom.
13
00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:34,744
Could have said "anyone."
Didn't think that through.
14
00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:36,912
Uh... you know what?
15
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:38,414
Oh! Why don't you grab the silks?
16
00:00:38,415 --> 00:00:40,850
And while you're doing that,
I'm gonna sprinkle potpourri.
17
00:00:40,851 --> 00:00:43,085
- Whoo.
- Dre, what are you doing?
18
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,755
You're scattering rose petals
like it's the coming of spring.
19
00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,623
- Is that what it seems like?
- Yeah.
20
00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:49,759
Good. 'Cause that's what I'm going for.
21
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:53,662
It's a beautiful morning
22
00:00:53,663 --> 00:00:55,765
ahh
23
00:00:55,766 --> 00:01:00,069
I think I'll go outside for a while
24
00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:02,271
and just smile
25
00:01:02,272 --> 00:01:03,540
(Groans)
26
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:06,241
Babe, I know you don't always
get along with my mom.
27
00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:07,509
Don't blame this on me.
28
00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:09,444
No, your mom is a bit...
29
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:12,147
M-much... to deal with, Dre.
30
00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:14,850
She's always coming at me with
those passive-aggressive jabs.
31
00:01:14,851 --> 00:01:16,485
My mother is not out to get you.
32
00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:19,287
Dre, she wore white to our wedding,
33
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,155
she cut in on our first dance,
34
00:01:21,156 --> 00:01:23,024
and she had a coughing fit
35
00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:25,827
when the minister asked
if there were any objections.
36
00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:28,796
Unfortunately, no matter what I said,
37
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,300
Bow and I always saw my mom's
visits a bit differently.
38
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,203
(Ominous music plays)
39
00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:42,276
Winter is coming.
40
00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:45,805
Black-ish - 01x08
Oedipal Triangle
41
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,692
I hope grandma Ruby
gets here before school.
42
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,794
I am jonesing for a good gift.
43
00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:54,029
Yeah, I bet you are. (Chuckles)
44
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,899
Hey, how come she only visits
when grandpa pops is in Bermuda?
45
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,235
Oh, it's a special game
that divorced people play
46
00:01:59,236 --> 00:02:01,237
called "give me your Lincoln and get out."
47
00:02:01,238 --> 00:02:02,404
(Doorbell rings) Oh!
48
00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:03,405
- She's here!
- Me first!
49
00:02:03,406 --> 00:02:04,406
- Me first!
- Move! Move!
50
00:02:04,407 --> 00:02:05,708
Rainbow: Okay.
51
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,509
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey! Y'all stop!
52
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:09,645
This is my mama, all right?
53
00:02:12,315 --> 00:02:13,883
Mama!
54
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,918
Baby boy! (Both laugh)
55
00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,621
Shake, shake, shake, shake up the love
56
00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:19,955
Together: Whoo!
57
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:21,991
Shake, shake, shake, shake up the love
58
00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:23,192
Whoo! (Laughter)
59
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,827
- My babies!
- Grandma!
60
00:02:25,828 --> 00:02:26,895
(Laughs)
61
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,997
Oh!
62
00:02:28,998 --> 00:02:30,432
Well, hello, Rainbow.
63
00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:31,600
Hi!
64
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:34,469
Did you do something around your eyes?
65
00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:35,971
You look...
66
00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:36,972
Less tired.
67
00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,842
See, baby? She's trying.
68
00:02:40,843 --> 00:02:42,611
Mm.
69
00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:44,012
Who wants presents?
70
00:02:44,013 --> 00:02:45,914
Children: Yeah! (Laughs)
71
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,349
Here we go.
72
00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:48,783
All right.
73
00:02:49,216 --> 00:02:49,984
Voil?�!
74
00:02:49,985 --> 00:02:51,452
Nunchuks!
75
00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:53,221
Look! I'm a killer!
76
00:02:53,222 --> 00:02:55,790
Wow! Cute thong, grandma.
77
00:02:55,791 --> 00:02:57,292
Oh, "Grand Theft Auto V"?!
78
00:02:57,293 --> 00:02:59,294
I read they finally got
the hooker blood right.
79
00:02:59,295 --> 00:03:00,628
Okay, okay.
80
00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:03,665
And we will see these again
in another 10 years.
81
00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:05,433
Hey, hey, hey, babe. (Sighs)
82
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:07,836
She's just a grandma
celebrating her grandkids.
83
00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:10,004
With nunchuks and thongs?
84
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,806
(Coughing)
85
00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,208
Oh, mama, are you all right?
86
00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:14,342
You need some water?
87
00:03:14,343 --> 00:03:15,844
Oh, God. Don't die.
88
00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:17,178
You mean too much to me.
89
00:03:17,179 --> 00:03:19,280
I'm all right, baby. Okay.
90
00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:22,250
I guess there's just
a lot of dust in this house.
91
00:03:22,251 --> 00:03:23,618
(Coughs)
92
00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,687
Baby, you gonna have to talk
to Rosario, all right?
93
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:26,621
- Oh... oh?
- Yes.
94
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:27,655
Okay.
95
00:03:27,656 --> 00:03:29,357
I love your hair, grandma.
96
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:32,160
Oh, thank you, Dee-Dee!
97
00:03:32,161 --> 00:03:34,996
This is all-natural Zulu-Cherokee blend.
98
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,497
Wow.
99
00:03:36,498 --> 00:03:39,434
I don't let anyone
hot-comb out my heritage.
100
00:03:39,435 --> 00:03:43,204
Are my ears bleeding,
or does it just feel like it?
101
00:03:43,205 --> 00:03:44,439
(Coughs)
102
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,474
Hey, mom, let me take you
up to your EN suite.
103
00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,443
You're gonna love it.
104
00:03:48,444 --> 00:03:50,345
(Coughing) Okay, let's go.
105
00:03:50,346 --> 00:03:52,380
Hey, baby, get Rosario on the phone.
106
00:03:52,381 --> 00:03:53,781
Oh, you think that's r-Rosario's...
107
00:03:53,782 --> 00:03:55,049
- Yes, it's dusty!
- Okay.
108
00:03:57,553 --> 00:03:58,786
I found another gum foil!
109
00:03:58,787 --> 00:03:59,954
Nice!
110
00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:01,689
I'll go add this to the stash in my locker.
111
00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:02,991
As soon as we have 50 pounds,
112
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,993
we can bike it to the Recycling Center.
113
00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,964
Okay, stop.
114
00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:12,567
Who's that lady you were
picking up garbage with?
115
00:04:12,568 --> 00:04:16,204
Oh, that's no lady. That's Natalie Harris.
116
00:04:16,205 --> 00:04:18,673
Hey, I'm kind of stuck
in the friend zone with her.
117
00:04:18,674 --> 00:04:20,375
I need advice on asking her out.
118
00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:22,176
Yeah. Don't.
119
00:04:22,177 --> 00:04:23,378
Huh?
120
00:04:23,379 --> 00:04:24,979
Why do you insult me?
121
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:28,316
I'm Zoey Johnson.
I run the social scene here.
122
00:04:28,317 --> 00:04:32,053
Forget about "hopeshepurells"
and let's go big-game hunting,
123
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,488
like for...
124
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:35,990
Her.
125
00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:41,029
Kyra Kang-Nussbaum?
126
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,697
She's a held-back senior.
127
00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:44,532
She votes and smokes.
128
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,401
And I heard she got a boob job.
129
00:04:46,402 --> 00:04:47,902
Plus some light butt work.
130
00:04:47,903 --> 00:04:49,671
And I am gonna get you a date with her.
131
00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:51,973
(Shakily) Oh, God.
132
00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:54,409
One of the highlights of my mom's visits
133
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,244
is her soul-icious spread...
134
00:04:56,245 --> 00:04:59,881
Fried pork chops, biscuits,
thick-ass gravy.
135
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,549
I was a pig in mud...
136
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:03,918
Eating another pig.
137
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:06,520
Gee. Thanks for waiting for me.
138
00:05:06,521 --> 00:05:07,822
Oh, we would have,
139
00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,423
but there's nothing worse
than clotted gravy.
140
00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:10,725
Nothin' worse!
141
00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:12,827
What happened to the Kale salad
I made for dinner?
142
00:05:12,828 --> 00:05:14,562
That wasn't Jumbo Parsley?
143
00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:16,911
- No.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
144
00:05:16,912 --> 00:05:18,697
I used it as garnish for the chops.
145
00:05:18,698 --> 00:05:19,933
For the chops!
146
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,235
Okay, settle down, Jack.
147
00:05:21,236 --> 00:05:22,236
Sweetheart.
148
00:05:22,237 --> 00:05:23,470
- What?
- Mnh-mnh.
149
00:05:23,471 --> 00:05:25,211
Baby, get your own meat.
150
00:05:25,212 --> 00:05:27,040
You know you can't eat like this.
151
00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:30,577
Ohhh, but his chipmunk cheeks are so yummy!
152
00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:32,812
Yes, but he needs to watch his numbers.
153
00:05:32,813 --> 00:05:35,448
Oh, now, that's just doctor nonsense.
154
00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:37,150
His heart stops twice a night.
155
00:05:37,884 --> 00:05:39,886
I stop breathing twice a night, okay?
156
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:40,987
That's different.
157
00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:44,457
Rainbow, honey, I make real food.
158
00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:45,558
Mm-hmm.
159
00:05:45,559 --> 00:05:47,160
Now, you can have your rabbit food
160
00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:49,996
and your yoga... and your therapy.
161
00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,500
Um, Ruby...
162
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,536
What exactly do you mean by "therapy"?
163
00:05:56,537 --> 00:06:01,007
Listen, I know you saw a shrink
after having the kids.
164
00:06:01,008 --> 00:06:03,376
Not everybody can jump into being a mom.
165
00:06:04,309 --> 00:06:05,243
No judgment.
166
00:06:05,712 --> 00:06:08,581
Therapy's just not something our people do.
167
00:06:08,582 --> 00:06:11,083
We have Jesus... and baths.
168
00:06:12,117 --> 00:06:13,685
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
169
00:06:13,686 --> 00:06:15,053
Can I talk to you for a minute?
170
00:06:15,054 --> 00:06:16,521
- Get in here.
- Ow! Ow!
171
00:06:16,522 --> 00:06:17,589
Okay!
172
00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:21,225
How does your mom know I went to therapy?
173
00:06:21,226 --> 00:06:23,861
I may have innocently told her in passing.
174
00:06:23,862 --> 00:06:26,230
Dre! That's personal!
175
00:06:26,231 --> 00:06:28,666
Babe, but her peach cobbler is so sweet,
176
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,167
it probably made me high.
177
00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:31,736
Don't talk to her about my stuff, okay?
178
00:06:31,737 --> 00:06:33,571
I don't want her
throwing it back in my face.
179
00:06:33,572 --> 00:06:35,539
Okay, babe. Y-you're absolutely right.
180
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:38,576
You know, my mother should have
never told you that I told her.
181
00:06:38,577 --> 00:06:41,178
No, Dre. You should have
never told your mom.
182
00:06:41,179 --> 00:06:42,346
Right, right, right, right, right.
183
00:06:42,347 --> 00:06:45,216
You know what? I shouldn't talk to my mom.
184
00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:46,851
- Wait a minute.
- What?
185
00:06:46,852 --> 00:06:47,885
Are you being sarcastic?
186
00:06:47,886 --> 00:06:49,153
No.
187
00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:51,722
I'm just saying it's crazy
for me to talk to my mom.
188
00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:53,756
- Who birthed me.
- No, no, no.
189
00:06:53,757 --> 00:06:55,292
I know exactly what you're doing.
190
00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:57,561
You are trying to make me think
that you're agreeing with me,
191
00:06:57,562 --> 00:07:00,130
when you are completely
not agreeing with me.
192
00:07:00,131 --> 00:07:01,732
Okay, Bow. I'm sorry.
193
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,400
Let me say this clearly
so there's no misunderstanding.
194
00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:04,468
Okay.
195
00:07:04,469 --> 00:07:06,069
I will do the very reasonable thing
196
00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:07,504
that you're asking me to do,
197
00:07:07,505 --> 00:07:09,840
which is to never talk to my mom again.
198
00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:11,155
Better?
199
00:07:11,895 --> 00:07:13,128
(Scoffs)
200
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:16,145
So I kinda won the battle.
201
00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:17,447
I'm not sure.
202
00:07:17,448 --> 00:07:19,382
But I did know I was gonna lose the war
203
00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,351
unless I made things right with Bow.
204
00:07:21,352 --> 00:07:22,352
What is this?
205
00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:24,888
- A peace offering.
- Oh.
206
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:27,323
I didn't mean to betray your confidence.
207
00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:28,491
Hmm.
208
00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:31,327
Ever since I was a kid,
my mama was my go-to.
209
00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:33,997
I never had that relationship with pops.
210
00:07:33,998 --> 00:07:36,065
Emotionally, she's all I had.
211
00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:37,433
(Sighs)
212
00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:39,369
I hate it when you move me
with poignant honesty
213
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,637
about your damaged childhood.
214
00:07:40,638 --> 00:07:41,704
Very damaged.
215
00:07:42,072 --> 00:07:44,407
Homemade skateboard. Never had a pet.
216
00:07:44,408 --> 00:07:46,175
A latch-key with no latch...
217
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,277
Just a loose key in my pocket.
218
00:07:48,278 --> 00:07:50,046
And my mama.
219
00:07:50,047 --> 00:07:51,881
Well, now you have me.
220
00:07:51,882 --> 00:07:54,417
Dre, I don't want you
to talk to your mom about me.
221
00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:57,219
I want me and you to talk about your mom.
222
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,889
Baby, how about we just forget about her?
223
00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,790
All right?
224
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,261
So let's clean the slate
with this nice, warm bath
225
00:08:05,262 --> 00:08:06,295
that I may get into.
226
00:08:06,296 --> 00:08:07,630
Oh.
227
00:08:07,631 --> 00:08:11,133
Spoiler alert... I will get into.
228
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:12,101
(Laughs)
229
00:08:12,102 --> 00:08:13,536
Mm. I'm not hating that idea.
230
00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:14,637
- Nor should you.
- Oh!
231
00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,605
I am here to serve you.
232
00:08:16,606 --> 00:08:17,606
Well.
233
00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:19,141
(Mama coughing)
234
00:08:19,142 --> 00:08:20,409
(Groans)
235
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:21,644
Okay, babe. (Sighs)
236
00:08:21,645 --> 00:08:23,045
Let me go give her some water.
237
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:24,880
That does not sound like you serving me.
238
00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:27,583
Trust me... you do not want
a dry hacking cough
239
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:29,852
to be the soundtrack
to tub love, all right?
240
00:08:29,853 --> 00:08:32,087
Now just slide right in.
I'll be right back.
241
00:08:32,088 --> 00:08:33,722
(Coughing continues)
242
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:34,957
Okay.
243
00:08:40,564 --> 00:08:42,398
(Scoffs)
244
00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:44,166
Where the hell is he?
245
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,802
Dre?
246
00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:47,736
Dr...
247
00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:51,607
(Both snoring)
248
00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:53,776
- Dre!
- Huh! Huh? Huh?
249
00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:54,977
Seriously?!
250
00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:58,080
Oh, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, baby,
251
00:08:58,081 --> 00:08:59,682
I-it's not what it looks like.
252
00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:01,250
I just ate too many biscuits.
253
00:09:01,251 --> 00:09:03,419
It was an over-the-cover biscuit nap!
254
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,287
(Scoffs)
255
00:09:05,288 --> 00:09:08,591
Look at her trailing that water
all across the floor.
256
00:09:08,592 --> 00:09:09,792
(Scoffs)
257
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:12,361
Maybe it'll mop up some of that dust.
258
00:09:12,362 --> 00:09:13,929
(Sighs)
259
00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:21,067
Between my mom's cough
and Bow making me sleep on the couch,
260
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:22,735
I'm beginning to question
261
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:25,362
my decision to skimp on nice furniture.
262
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,730
Mochi balls on the neck?
263
00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:28,958
That can only mean one thing...
264
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,143
Pit bull attack.
265
00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:32,579
No, man. Bow's just trippin'.
266
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:35,148
Women be shoppin'. Right?
267
00:09:35,149 --> 00:09:36,382
Come on, playa.
268
00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:37,550
What'd you do, Dre?
269
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:41,087
My wife caught me in bed with my mama.
270
00:09:41,821 --> 00:09:43,288
It was just a nap, fool, all right?
271
00:09:43,656 --> 00:09:45,024
Nothing wrong with that.
272
00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,393
Back me up, Charlie. Tell them
this is what brothers do, right?
273
00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,128
No. Brothers do not do that.
274
00:09:49,129 --> 00:09:49,962
What?
275
00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:51,230
No, I'm-a say it again.
276
00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:53,799
Brothers do not do that.
277
00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,806
There's only one way out of this, Dre.
278
00:09:57,136 --> 00:09:59,159
You got to pretend
like you have an addiction
279
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,427
by napping with everyone you know.
280
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,642
Saved my marriage.
281
00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:05,310
Charlie: Look, Dre,
you just got to make sure
282
00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:08,046
Bow and your mama feel equally loved.
283
00:10:08,047 --> 00:10:09,615
Trust me... I got two groups of people
284
00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:11,183
in two different parts of the country
285
00:10:11,184 --> 00:10:13,619
that I gots to love exactly the same.
286
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:14,853
Charlie.
287
00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,488
Do you have two families?
288
00:10:16,489 --> 00:10:17,789
What? No!
289
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,325
W-why would you even come at me like that?
290
00:10:20,326 --> 00:10:21,493
Oh. My bad.
291
00:10:21,494 --> 00:10:23,028
But I do need to have half my paycheck
292
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,797
sent to a P.O. box in Phoenix
for unrelated reasons.
293
00:10:26,831 --> 00:10:28,733
I think "big love" is onto something.
294
00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:30,168
Right? Follow me on this.
295
00:10:30,169 --> 00:10:33,404
Love them equally,
but keep them separate, right?
296
00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:35,306
Separate but equal.
297
00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:37,775
What's that look?
298
00:10:37,776 --> 00:10:38,876
Have you tried this before?
299
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,344
You know what?
300
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,980
I've got to get me some actual friends.
301
00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:44,582
Okay, here's the plan.
302
00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:46,617
You walk up to Kyra. I'll be your brain.
303
00:10:46,618 --> 00:10:47,819
Here.
304
00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,887
Oh. No, thanks.
I waterpik after every meal.
305
00:10:49,888 --> 00:10:51,422
No, idiot.
306
00:10:51,423 --> 00:10:53,658
Ryan gosling said five words in "Drive"
307
00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:56,027
and still got a married
woman with just this.
308
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,094
You know what?
309
00:10:57,095 --> 00:10:58,496
(Sighs)
310
00:10:58,497 --> 00:10:59,597
Walk.
311
00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:01,265
(Exhales sharply)
312
00:11:02,534 --> 00:11:03,534
(Thump)
313
00:11:03,535 --> 00:11:05,303
(Gags)
314
00:11:05,304 --> 00:11:06,971
I'm Cho... I'm choking.
315
00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:08,706
No, you're fine.
316
00:11:08,707 --> 00:11:11,197
Just stay confident and say hi.
317
00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:12,943
H-hi.
318
00:11:13,611 --> 00:11:15,179
What?
319
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,047
Now compliment her lip gloss.
320
00:11:17,048 --> 00:11:19,650
Uh, cool gloss. Does it last all day?
321
00:11:19,651 --> 00:11:22,286
No! Not like you want to borrow it!
322
00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,353
You know what? Never mind.
323
00:11:23,354 --> 00:11:24,321
Just laugh,
324
00:11:24,322 --> 00:11:25,422
but not too hard.
325
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:26,457
(Laughs loudly)
326
00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:28,225
(Gasps) O... kay.
327
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:31,094
Now break eye contact
and check out another girl.
328
00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:32,696
The blonde to your left.
329
00:11:35,133 --> 00:11:38,368
And that's how you drop a jealousy bomb.
330
00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:41,017
Now casually touch Kyra's
elbow, and we're golden.
331
00:11:42,139 --> 00:11:45,742
Graze like a player.
Don't linger like a pervert.
332
00:11:45,743 --> 00:11:49,445
Oh. Free-styling small talk. Not bad!
333
00:11:49,446 --> 00:11:51,314
See you later.
334
00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:52,715
Ohhhh.
335
00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:56,185
Oh, my God! She asked me out!
336
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:58,368
Actually, she asked me out.
337
00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:01,958
So, Josh's "separate but equal" suggestion
338
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,459
(cellphone vibrates)
Was horribly offensive,
339
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,329
but repackaged as "different but the same"?
340
00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:08,598
That could work.
341
00:12:08,599 --> 00:12:10,299
(Crickets chirping)
342
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,135
Oh, my God.
343
00:12:12,136 --> 00:12:13,202
Oh.
344
00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:16,205
Welcome, milady.
345
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,573
Dre!
346
00:12:17,574 --> 00:12:19,776
This is where you proposed to me.
347
00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:21,543
Mm-hmm.
348
00:12:21,544 --> 00:12:24,580
A special place for my true love.
349
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:25,547
Aww.
350
00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,082
Mama: Baby boy!
351
00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,453
I got your GPS text.
352
00:12:31,454 --> 00:12:33,389
- You sent her one, too?
- Mm-hmm.
353
00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:35,557
Oh, my God, Dre.
354
00:12:35,558 --> 00:12:38,627
This is where you told me
you got into college!
355
00:12:38,628 --> 00:12:40,462
Hold on.
356
00:12:40,463 --> 00:12:43,599
Am I hearing that I got
sloppy seconds on an overlook?
357
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,234
When were you here before?
358
00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,902
This is my proposal spot.
359
00:12:46,903 --> 00:12:48,037
Well, it was my spot first!
360
00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:49,605
Okay, ladies, ladies, ladies, look.
361
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,674
It's both your spot, all right?
362
00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:53,575
I love this spot.
363
00:12:53,576 --> 00:12:55,210
Which I thought was my spot.
364
00:12:55,211 --> 00:12:56,779
But we all know it's mine.
365
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:59,381
Okay, look. Please, please.
I love you both.
366
00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,717
But this is killing me.
367
00:13:01,718 --> 00:13:04,619
I'm doing my best to try
to get you guys together.
368
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,021
I'm sweating over here.
369
00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:09,533
Look at this! I made finger sandwiches!
370
00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:12,760
He made sandwiches.
371
00:13:13,128 --> 00:13:15,130
But he probably didn't wash his hands.
372
00:13:15,131 --> 00:13:16,765
(Groans) He never does. (Chuckles)
373
00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:18,199
Mmm!
374
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,734
Dirty boy.
375
00:13:19,735 --> 00:13:22,003
Ohh. Filthy, filthy man.
376
00:13:22,004 --> 00:13:23,938
(Laughs)
377
00:13:23,939 --> 00:13:24,939
(Laughs) Whoo!
378
00:13:26,242 --> 00:13:29,644
I didn't mind taking a couple of hits
379
00:13:29,645 --> 00:13:32,047
if it meant they were getting along.
380
00:13:32,048 --> 00:13:33,415
And they weren't wrong.
381
00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,116
I did not wash my hands.
382
00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:38,320
I came straight from work,
stopped to get gas,
383
00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:41,389
and then made the sandwiches
in my back seat.
384
00:13:42,123 --> 00:13:45,393
So, for 16 hours, we had peace...
385
00:13:45,394 --> 00:13:49,030
Until my mom did something
you just don't do.
386
00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,299
Look who's got a new natural!
387
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,767
Oh, no.
388
00:13:52,768 --> 00:13:56,808
Ruby, you cannot just change Diane's hair
389
00:13:56,809 --> 00:13:57,943
without asking me first.
390
00:13:57,944 --> 00:13:59,172
Mnh-mnh.
391
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:00,307
Oh, I'm sorry.
392
00:14:00,308 --> 00:14:02,075
I-I'm just introducing the baby
393
00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:04,578
to her Zulu-Cherokee heritage.
394
00:14:04,579 --> 00:14:05,846
You're not Cherokee!
395
00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:07,714
Look, I don't get what the problem is.
396
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,116
The baby loves it.
397
00:14:09,117 --> 00:14:10,484
And I love it.
398
00:14:10,485 --> 00:14:12,219
But until she's old enough
to do her hair herself,
399
00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:14,721
then it's just easier for me
to do it the way I do it.
400
00:14:14,722 --> 00:14:15,956
So what you're saying is
401
00:14:15,957 --> 00:14:17,724
you don't have time
to take care of your kids.
402
00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:19,760
- What?!
- Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies!
403
00:14:19,761 --> 00:14:20,861
Okay, let's not fight.
404
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:22,195
(Chuckles nervously)
405
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,964
Diane can't handle this.
406
00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:26,366
I'm fine. I don't internalize things.
407
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:27,601
People disagree.
408
00:14:27,602 --> 00:14:29,803
You see what you've
done to her? She's broken!
409
00:14:29,804 --> 00:14:31,838
Okay, I'm sorry. Let's just drop it.
410
00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:33,006
Oh, see? She dropped it, baby.
411
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,274
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
412
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:36,109
I was just curious
about your parenting choices.
413
00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:37,277
No judgment.
414
00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:38,912
"No judgment"? You know what, Ruby?
415
00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:40,547
You can't just put "no" in front of a word
416
00:14:40,548 --> 00:14:41,882
and make it go away,
417
00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,951
because if I could,
I would just say "no Ruby"!
418
00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:45,786
- Dre: What?
- No Ruby!
419
00:14:45,787 --> 00:14:46,787
No Ruby!
420
00:14:46,788 --> 00:14:48,622
(Gasps)
421
00:14:48,623 --> 00:14:50,857
She's still here.
422
00:14:57,195 --> 00:14:59,263
- Bow.
- What?
423
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:02,332
My mother was completely
out of pocket, okay?
424
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,468
That thing with Diane's
hair... That wasn't cool.
425
00:15:04,469 --> 00:15:05,602
Whatever. It's fine.
426
00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:07,437
I'm not gonna let her bother me anymore.
427
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,339
- Good for you, babe.
- Oh, my God!
428
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:10,640
She bothers me!
429
00:15:10,641 --> 00:15:12,075
Why does she rile me like this?
430
00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,143
Rile you?
431
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:14,811
Yeah. I'm so riled! I'm riled, Dre!
432
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:16,079
Oh, yeah, you're pretty riled.
433
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,714
Why does she have this weird power over me
434
00:15:17,715 --> 00:15:19,082
after all these years?
435
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:21,118
I have to go in the bathroom and cry
436
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:23,220
every time she makes a comment
about my dusty house?
437
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:24,388
I mean, is the house that dusty?
438
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:25,689
I don't think the house is that dusty.
439
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:26,690
- Babe.
- Maybe it's dusty.
440
00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:27,991
- Babe.
- Is it dusty?
441
00:15:27,992 --> 00:15:29,326
- Babe, babe, babe, come here.
- I think it's normal dusty.
442
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,294
Come here. Shh.
443
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:32,729
Easy, girl.
444
00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:34,964
Easy, girl.
445
00:15:34,965 --> 00:15:36,366
Shhh!
446
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,067
Are you horse-whispering me?
447
00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:39,435
Is it working?
448
00:15:39,436 --> 00:15:41,337
I do feel less riled.
449
00:15:41,338 --> 00:15:43,673
Okay. Let's go back
to the stables. Come on.
450
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:51,314
Oh, my God. Where have you been?
451
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:53,482
Were you actually worried about me?
452
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,451
No. What?! Shut up.
453
00:15:55,452 --> 00:15:57,553
I was worried about my reputation.
454
00:15:57,554 --> 00:15:59,922
Now, how did our date with Kyra go?
455
00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:01,290
Dish.
456
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,993
Well, after chipotle... paid for by Moi...
457
00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:05,528
She drove us back to her house.
458
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:06,662
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
459
00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:09,565
Wow. I'm more powerful than I thought.
460
00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:10,566
Then what?
461
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:11,967
She took me to her room...
462
00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:13,135
Uh-huh.
463
00:16:13,136 --> 00:16:15,237
- Turned out the lights...
- Yeah?
464
00:16:15,238 --> 00:16:16,405
And asked me to edit
465
00:16:16,406 --> 00:16:18,006
her audition video for "The Bachelor."
466
00:16:18,007 --> 00:16:19,174
Wait... what?
467
00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:22,144
Don't worry... I didn't use any star wipes.
468
00:16:22,145 --> 00:16:24,980
I kept it very elegant. Not too cutty.
469
00:16:24,981 --> 00:16:27,449
What in the world is wrong with you?
470
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,986
Kyra used your nerdiness
to try and win a husband on TV.
471
00:16:30,987 --> 00:16:33,255
I guess.
472
00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,123
Aw, man.
473
00:16:35,491 --> 00:16:38,760
I spent a lot of time
on that thing... like hours.
474
00:16:38,761 --> 00:16:40,629
Oh, my God.
475
00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:42,430
I got played.
476
00:16:42,431 --> 00:16:44,833
Is this what it feels like to be you?
477
00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:47,869
I'm totally gonna fail
my math test tomorrow.
478
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,105
I haven't even opened the book.
479
00:16:50,106 --> 00:16:52,040
It's like 30% of my grade.
480
00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:55,210
(Sighs deeply)
481
00:16:56,512 --> 00:16:58,179
Okay.
482
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,215
Now, you know why my mom
acts this way, right?
483
00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,083
No. (Chuckles)
484
00:17:02,816 --> 00:17:04,585
Because we've been together 16 years,
485
00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:07,054
and she thought you wouldn't
last the first two weeks.
486
00:17:07,055 --> 00:17:08,122
(Scoffs)
487
00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:09,891
But you're not going anywhere.
488
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:11,058
Mnh-mnh.
489
00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:11,959
We're not going anywhere.
490
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,994
No.
491
00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:15,029
And whether you know it or not...
492
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,264
You won.
493
00:17:16,265 --> 00:17:18,266
So you're my prize?
494
00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:20,767
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
495
00:17:20,768 --> 00:17:22,202
(Chuckles) Come here.
496
00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:23,237
- Yeah, okay.
- Come on.
497
00:17:23,238 --> 00:17:25,272
I need some arms around me.
498
00:17:25,273 --> 00:17:26,607
Oh, I got you, babe.
499
00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,509
Ohhhh.
500
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,177
(Mama coughing)
501
00:17:30,178 --> 00:17:31,411
Oh, my... (Sighs)
502
00:17:31,412 --> 00:17:33,413
Go. Go! Go ahead, go!
503
00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:34,715
- No. No.
- Go!
504
00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:36,617
You know that cough isn't even real?
505
00:17:36,618 --> 00:17:37,951
(Scoffs) (Chuckles)
506
00:17:37,952 --> 00:17:39,786
She just uses it to get attention.
507
00:17:39,787 --> 00:17:42,456
You know, growing up, as kids,
when she wasn't around,
508
00:17:42,457 --> 00:17:44,124
we would call her "Coughy Klatch."
509
00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:45,125
(Chuckles)
510
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:46,093
(Coughs mockingly)
511
00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:47,127
Oh, my God.
512
00:17:47,128 --> 00:17:48,128
"Here come Coughy Klatch."
513
00:17:48,129 --> 00:17:49,563
(Coughs mockingly)
514
00:17:49,564 --> 00:17:51,098
Okay, please, no more. Please, no more.
515
00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:52,399
Okay.
516
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,434
So, like a good husband, I held strong
517
00:17:54,435 --> 00:17:58,162
and slept with my wife instead of my mom.
518
00:17:58,163 --> 00:18:00,307
Hold your head down, baby.
519
00:18:00,308 --> 00:18:03,276
Be real still. Let grandma get you kitschy.
520
00:18:03,277 --> 00:18:05,212
What's going on?
521
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:06,413
Oh, hey, Bow.
522
00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:08,114
You know, I thought it over last night,
523
00:18:08,115 --> 00:18:09,649
and I just want to say I'm sorry.
524
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,786
It was not my place to do what I did,
525
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,321
so I'm undoing it.
526
00:18:14,322 --> 00:18:17,491
Thank you... Ruby.
527
00:18:17,492 --> 00:18:19,860
A woman shouldn't have to feel
riled up in her own home.
528
00:18:19,861 --> 00:18:21,127
(Dishes clatter)
529
00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:23,430
You have got to be kidding me!
530
00:18:23,431 --> 00:18:25,232
Bow, I was trying to help, baby.
531
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:27,467
Ooh, this is messy!
532
00:18:27,468 --> 00:18:31,037
See, that's why me and Dre
keep it absolutely 100.
533
00:18:31,038 --> 00:18:32,939
Ha ha! No secrets.
534
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,441
Well... oh... really?
535
00:18:34,442 --> 00:18:35,976
(Chuckles) Bow...
536
00:18:35,977 --> 00:18:38,362
So you know that he
calls you "Coughy Klatch"
537
00:18:38,363 --> 00:18:39,430
behind your back?
538
00:18:39,431 --> 00:18:40,813
What?
539
00:18:40,814 --> 00:18:43,516
(Coughs mockingly)
A-fake, a-fake, a-fake.
540
00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:44,550
Look, mama...
541
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:46,219
Ohhh! Baby boy, I...
542
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,521
Mama... I... (Coughing)
543
00:18:48,522 --> 00:18:49,856
Mama, I was just...
544
00:18:49,857 --> 00:18:52,358
Damn it, Bow, how could you tell her that?
545
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:54,193
"Coughy Klatch" was between us!
546
00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:55,795
Now you know how it feels.
547
00:18:55,796 --> 00:18:57,096
Oh...
548
00:18:58,298 --> 00:19:00,333
Great timing, dad. Really.
549
00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:08,050
So, after getting three combs and a brush
550
00:19:08,051 --> 00:19:09,352
stuck in Diane's hair,
551
00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:11,554
I had to call in the only
woman left in this house
552
00:19:11,555 --> 00:19:13,022
that was still talking to me.
553
00:19:13,023 --> 00:19:15,625
Stop tugging! She's tender-headed.
554
00:19:15,626 --> 00:19:18,694
Thank you. He ignored my screams.
555
00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:21,164
(Sighs) I really screwed this up, Zo.
556
00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:22,498
Yeah, you really did.
557
00:19:22,499 --> 00:19:25,001
By trying to make mom and grandma equal,
558
00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:27,303
you've created an emotional half-fro.
559
00:19:27,671 --> 00:19:29,472
Interesting metaphor.
560
00:19:29,473 --> 00:19:31,540
Yeah, here's the thing about girls, dad...
561
00:19:31,541 --> 00:19:33,642
You can only have one number 1 at a time.
562
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:34,844
Hmm.
563
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:37,012
First it's your mom, then it's your wife,
564
00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:38,214
then it's the daughter
565
00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:40,449
you leave all your money to when you die.
566
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,884
Wait.
567
00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:44,353
Point is, anything else
violates the natural order.
568
00:19:44,354 --> 00:19:46,088
Natural order.
569
00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:48,123
You might be onto something.
570
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,394
Good luck with that mess.
571
00:19:52,395 --> 00:19:53,429
Help me.
572
00:19:58,168 --> 00:19:59,568
Wow.
573
00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:01,537
Looks amazing.
574
00:20:01,538 --> 00:20:04,573
Well, you are not getting
so much as a nibble
575
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,141
until you admit
576
00:20:06,142 --> 00:20:10,513
I have medically diagnosed
chronic bronchitis.
577
00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:14,149
Mom, you raised me to be strong.
578
00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:17,720
You gave me the tools to survive
and succeed in a hard world,
579
00:20:17,721 --> 00:20:20,289
and I wouldn't be half the man I am today
580
00:20:20,290 --> 00:20:22,725
without the wisdom you instilled in me.
581
00:20:22,726 --> 00:20:25,394
Now, there's my Andre.
582
00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,595
Aww. (Chuckles)
583
00:20:26,596 --> 00:20:27,796
And, mom,
584
00:20:27,797 --> 00:20:30,499
that wisdom is telling me
to tell you right now
585
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,835
to back off when it comes to Bow.
586
00:20:32,836 --> 00:20:34,737
You mean the spot stealer?
587
00:20:34,738 --> 00:20:38,007
First of all, it's my spot, all right?
588
00:20:38,008 --> 00:20:40,776
And Bow is my wife of 16 years.
589
00:20:40,777 --> 00:20:43,078
You will always be my mother,
590
00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,381
but Bow is my number 1...
591
00:20:45,382 --> 00:20:47,283
For now and forever.
592
00:20:47,284 --> 00:20:50,119
Rainbow: Ohhhh.
593
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,321
Thank you, baby.
594
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,691
Bow.
595
00:20:54,692 --> 00:20:55,925
Looks awesome, grandma! Let's eat!
596
00:20:55,926 --> 00:20:57,726
Dre: Oh, oh. Hey, hey, hey, kids.
597
00:20:57,727 --> 00:20:59,562
Slow your roll. Slow your roll, all right?
598
00:20:59,563 --> 00:21:01,997
Tonight, we're gonna eat your
mother's little red pebbles.
599
00:21:01,998 --> 00:21:03,198
It's quinoa.
600
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,432
Ah. So it is.
601
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:06,433
- Yes. Quinoa.
- Hey, hey, hey.
602
00:21:06,434 --> 00:21:09,884
Jack, hide that meat loaf in my car.
603
00:21:09,885 --> 00:21:11,885
Hmm.
604
00:21:14,354 --> 00:21:17,149
Looks like I raised you
an amazing husband.
605
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,150
Hm.
606
00:21:19,151 --> 00:21:20,837
You're welcome.
607
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:32,867
608
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:37,467
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