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1
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[alarm rings]
2
00:00:04,268 --> 00:00:06,067
[Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" plays]
3
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Dre: Okay, so, I'm just your standard,
regular ol' incredibly handsome,
4
00:00:11,239 --> 00:00:13,674
unbelievably charismatic black dude.
5
00:00:13,676 --> 00:00:15,443
- [snorts]
- Now, this drooling, pigment-challenged,
6
00:00:15,445 --> 00:00:17,613
mixed-race woman is my wife, Rainbow.
7
00:00:17,615 --> 00:00:20,818
And, despite what she looks
like right now, she's a doctor.
8
00:00:22,185 --> 00:00:23,297
We're lucky.
9
00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:26,668
We've got a great house,
four great kids, and my Pops.
10
00:00:26,670 --> 00:00:28,704
It's a far cry from where it all began.
11
00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:31,829
That's why I promised my
parents I'd get an education,
12
00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:33,990
graduate, and get myself out of there.
13
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,129
I guess for a kid from the hood,
I'm living the American Dream.
14
00:00:37,131 --> 00:00:42,346
The only problem is, whatever American had
this dream probably wasn't where I'm from.
15
00:00:42,348 --> 00:00:44,629
And if he was,
he should've mentioned the part
16
00:00:44,631 --> 00:00:46,766
about how when brothers
start getting a little money,
17
00:00:46,768 --> 00:00:49,870
stuff starts getting a little
weird... like in my neighborhood.
18
00:00:49,872 --> 00:00:52,295
Sometimes I feel like a bit of an oddity.
19
00:00:52,297 --> 00:00:54,632
[amplified] And if you look to your left,
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you'll see the mythical
and majestic Black Family
21
00:00:58,505 --> 00:01:02,108
out of their natural habitat
and yet still thriving.
22
00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:04,736
Go ahead and wave. They'll wave right back.
23
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:06,670
- Woman: They're smiling. Hi. Hello.
- Man: The little ones are cute.
24
00:01:06,672 --> 00:01:08,795
They're just... just amazing.
25
00:01:08,797 --> 00:01:11,396
Sometimes I worry that,
in an effort to make it,
26
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:13,927
black folks have dropped a
little bit of their culture
27
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and the rest of the world has picked it up.
28
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They even renamed it "Urban".
29
00:01:17,187 --> 00:01:18,888
And in the "Urban" world,
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Justin Timberlake and
Robin Thicke are R&B Gods,
31
00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,978
Kim Kardashian's the symbol for big butts,
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00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:28,382
and asian guys are just
unholdable on the dance floor.
33
00:01:28,384 --> 00:01:31,871
Come on! Big butts? R&B and dancing?
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Those were the black man's go-tos!
35
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- [tires screech]
- I'm definitely not complaining.
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I love my life.
37
00:01:37,952 --> 00:01:39,738
And not that I want to go back
38
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:42,308
to the days of being
the big scary black guy.
39
00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:45,952
But I have to admit...
40
00:01:45,954 --> 00:01:48,574
it did kind of have its advantages.
41
00:01:49,115 --> 00:01:50,983
SO1EO1
"Pilot"
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43
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44
00:01:55,819 --> 00:01:58,624
Even though we were close,
my Pops had a weird way
45
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:00,019
of showing he loved me. Hey, Pops.
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00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:02,423
Hey, hey, son, can I
just get some coffee in me
47
00:02:02,425 --> 00:02:04,277
before you start with all that mess?
48
00:02:04,279 --> 00:02:07,811
And by "weird," I meant
he didn't show it at all.
49
00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:10,347
- Good morning, Zoey.
- Hey, dad.
50
00:02:10,349 --> 00:02:12,066
Are you wearing that awful cologne again?
51
00:02:12,068 --> 00:02:13,988
- Why?
- Because it smells like you're
52
00:02:13,990 --> 00:02:15,230
wearing the awful cologne again.
53
00:02:15,232 --> 00:02:17,644
Did seem like a pretty
straightforward question there, son.
54
00:02:17,646 --> 00:02:18,691
Right?
55
00:02:18,693 --> 00:02:22,093
[chuckles] Nice try. I'm not
gonna let you ruin my day.
56
00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:23,185
- [sniffs]
- [both laugh]
57
00:02:23,907 --> 00:02:26,606
Good morning, Mr. Senior Vice President.
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00:02:26,608 --> 00:02:28,302
- Mwah! Hey.
- Hey, baby. Hear that, Pops?
59
00:02:28,418 --> 00:02:31,127
Stevens is announcing
my SVP promotion at work today.
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00:02:31,129 --> 00:02:33,137
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah, and if you'd have joined that black firm,
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00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:36,225
like I told you, you'd have been
Mr. President five years ago.
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00:02:36,227 --> 00:02:38,283
Yeah, but for half the money.
63
00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:39,712
So? It's a black company.
64
00:02:39,714 --> 00:02:42,622
You got to make an adjustment
for the negro inflation tax.
65
00:02:42,624 --> 00:02:47,157
Pops, I am gonna be the first
black SVP at Stevens & Lido.
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00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:49,399
This job is about more
than just money to me.
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00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:51,988
- Uh-huh.
- It's about breaking down barriers.
68
00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:56,493
Yeah. Breaking down barriers...
equally important to money.
69
00:02:56,495 --> 00:02:59,020
But just so that I'm clear,
there is a salary increase, right?
70
00:02:59,022 --> 00:03:01,817
- Okay.
- Yes, baby. All right. Hey, Junior.
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00:03:01,819 --> 00:03:04,296
Mm, mm, mm, mm! Unh!
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00:03:04,298 --> 00:03:05,999
- All right, all right. Let's go.
- All right.
73
00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:07,802
Oh, why don't y'all go get a room?
74
00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:09,605
I can't believe I marched on Washington
75
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,430
and fought for my country
to watch y'all do that mess.
76
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:13,988
You shot yourself in the
foot to get out of the army.
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00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:16,548
And you were in D.C. for
an Isley Brothers concert.
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00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:17,617
[laughs]
79
00:03:17,619 --> 00:03:20,281
- You shot yourself?
- Can we see?
80
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,451
- Look here.
- Rainbow: Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh. Pops.
81
00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:24,881
I want to see!
82
00:03:25,295 --> 00:03:27,448
Dre: Why do you have to
get to school so early, son?
83
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:28,884
Oh, uh, tryouts are today.
84
00:03:28,886 --> 00:03:31,121
I want to get a little extra
work in so I'd be ready.
85
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,306
Okay. Work on the handle.
86
00:03:33,308 --> 00:03:35,392
Lock down that point-guard spot.
87
00:03:35,394 --> 00:03:38,721
Um... there's no point
guards in field hockey, dad.
88
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Field hockey?!
89
00:03:42,383 --> 00:03:44,210
Man, isn't that a woman's sport?
90
00:03:44,212 --> 00:03:46,726
Nope. Um, a lot of
people think that, though.
91
00:03:46,728 --> 00:03:50,447
A lot of people never think
about field hockey, man.
92
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What happened? We were
hoopin' all summer long.
93
00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:55,630
I thought you were gonna
try out for the team,
94
00:03:55,632 --> 00:03:58,341
show these valley glen boys
The Johnson Family jumper.
95
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The Johnson Family wha... dad, you
didn't hit one jump shot all summer.
96
00:04:02,073 --> 00:04:02,807
Hey. [Tires screech]
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00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,601
It's not about the
accuracy, son, all right?
98
00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,565
- [sighs]
- The family is known for our form.
99
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,165
Look at that. Look at
that elbow. Look at that.
100
00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:12,786
Right. Anyway, I thought
about playing hoop,
101
00:04:12,788 --> 00:04:15,312
but all my friends are
fee-hocking it this year,
102
00:04:15,314 --> 00:04:17,768
so I figured, you know, when in Rome...
103
00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:19,732
W-When in Rome?
104
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You are not in Rome! You're in L.A.!
105
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[laughs] You know what?
106
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I'm not gonna let you ruin my day.
107
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Field hockey.
108
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- What's up, Mr. J?
- What's up, Zach?
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- What's up, Andy?
- What's up?
110
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"Andy"? That's not even close to "Andre".
111
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I think it says I'm edgy but approachable.
112
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I think it says, "I hate my
father and I play field hockey".
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00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:42,715
Well, Zach thinks it's cool, and
it's also a derivative of "Andre".
114
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We discussed it, and I think I like that...
115
00:04:46,046 --> 00:04:48,730
[Jean Knight's "Mr. Big Stuff" plays]
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There were so few of us at Stevens &
Lido that being black made you feel like
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you were part of a little family.
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00:04:55,553 --> 00:04:59,118
So when one of us made it, it
was kind of like we all did.
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Who do you think you are?
120
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:04,146
And right now, I was that one.
121
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:09,009
I'm not saying I was the Jackie Robinson
of Stevens & Lido advertising or anything,
122
00:05:09,011 --> 00:05:11,440
but, I mean, if other
people were saying it,
123
00:05:11,442 --> 00:05:13,042
they wouldn't be wrong.
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[laughs]
125
00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:16,438
Hold on a second.
126
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,005
- Killer Kris.
- Big Dre, what up?
127
00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:21,340
Or should I say "Mr. Senior Vee-peezy"?
128
00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:23,437
This is my assistant, Kris.
129
00:05:23,439 --> 00:05:25,340
Notice how I do the shake with him.
130
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That's because I consider
him an honorary brother.
131
00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,007
- Hey, Kris, let me ask you a question.
- Yeah.
132
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Did you ever want to play the same
sport your dad played in high school?
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00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,766
- Are you kidding? Of course.
- [Chuckles]
134
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:38,495
My dad was a frickin' field-hockey God.
135
00:05:38,734 --> 00:05:40,197
Meeting's in 10.
136
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Whatever.
137
00:05:44,168 --> 00:05:45,869
Yo! Dr. Dre!
138
00:05:45,871 --> 00:05:48,606
This is Josh. Um...
not an honorary brother.
139
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Just "Andre".
140
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:52,031
All right, sorry, "Andre", hey bro...
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Uh-oh, I mean Andre,
142
00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:56,263
listen, we're working on this folgers copy,
143
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and we wanted to know
how you think a black guy
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would say "good morning".
145
00:06:02,437 --> 00:06:03,570
Hmm.
146
00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:06,456
Probably just like that.
147
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:07,615
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
148
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,569
Hey, hey, Stevens called a meeting,
and I think something big might be up.
149
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,412
- Really?
- Yeah.
150
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:12,914
You know, I'm hearing "historic,"
151
00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:14,774
"game-changing" being tossed around.
152
00:06:14,776 --> 00:06:17,203
Could just be office gossip. Ha ha!
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00:06:17,205 --> 00:06:18,558
If I could have your attention...
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00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,117
At Stevens & Lido, there
was a clear separation
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00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,637
between lower management...
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00:06:22,639 --> 00:06:24,547
and upper management.
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00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,129
And that always made me
feel like it was us...
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- versus them.
- ... get ready to work.
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Even our snacks were divided.
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We get cheetos and grape soda, while they
always get what looks like a medieval feast!
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Let's eat, let's eat! Ha ha.
162
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,170
That's why this promotion
was such a big deal.
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For once, one of us
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was going to get a
chance to be one of them.
165
00:06:49,571 --> 00:06:51,451
More wine! More wine!
166
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To us!
167
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[Indistinct]
168
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:01,319
Man: Like my daddy said,
169
00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:04,388
you chase a squirrel, you better
be prepared to eat his nuts.
170
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,024
[laughter]
171
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,065
- [laughs]
- All right, uh...
172
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:11,832
I'm sure you've all heard
I have an announcement.
173
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,932
Uh, myself and the board have decided to up
174
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,819
a new Senior Vice President
here in the company.
175
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:21,612
- [employees murmuring]
- What?! ha ha!
176
00:07:21,614 --> 00:07:23,524
That's crazy! Oh, my God!
177
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,404
Hey, hey, but very wise.
178
00:07:25,406 --> 00:07:26,810
[laughs]
179
00:07:26,812 --> 00:07:28,527
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [Chuckles] Hm.
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00:07:28,529 --> 00:07:31,848
And this new SVP will also be heading up
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00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:33,350
our creative presentation
182
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:38,860
to grab the $250 million
L.A. tourism account.
183
00:07:38,862 --> 00:07:39,740
All right.
184
00:07:39,742 --> 00:07:41,968
It is a big deal for us.
We need a home run here.
185
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:45,773
Sabrina, I'm not gonna forget about you
when I become one of them, all right?
186
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:48,285
Excuse me. Excuse me. All right.
187
00:07:48,290 --> 00:07:50,707
- Uh, excuse me. Yeah.
- ... change who we are.
188
00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:56,605
So, without any further ado, I would
like us all to give a warm congrats
189
00:07:56,607 --> 00:08:00,444
to the SVP of our new
Urban division, Andre Johnson!
190
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,143
- [applause]
- Huh?!
191
00:08:02,145 --> 00:08:03,578
[laughs]
192
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:04,694
That's right.
193
00:08:04,696 --> 00:08:06,752
- Andre!
- Uh, I'm... I'm sorry.
194
00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:09,539
Uh... did you say "Urban"?
195
00:08:09,541 --> 00:08:10,938
Urban division.
196
00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:15,510
Wait. Did they just put me
in charge of black stuff?
197
00:08:17,809 --> 00:08:19,501
I don't like the social media at the table
198
00:08:19,503 --> 00:08:21,273
- Pops: Junior, pass the hot sauce.
- I told you that.
199
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:26,409
[glass dinging] Okay. Hello! Okay.
200
00:08:26,411 --> 00:08:30,160
To my husband, Senior Vice President.
201
00:08:30,162 --> 00:08:32,311
- Yes!
- Yeah!
202
00:08:32,313 --> 00:08:34,641
- Congrats to my son!
- Yeah!
203
00:08:34,643 --> 00:08:35,710
Finally made it, son.
204
00:08:35,712 --> 00:08:37,346
- Finally made it...
- Holla!
205
00:08:37,368 --> 00:08:38,655
To head puppet of the white man.
206
00:08:38,657 --> 00:08:41,305
Oh, Pops. Come on. You're
here to celebrate him.
207
00:08:41,307 --> 00:08:43,594
Actually, you told me I was
coming over to eat fried chicken.
208
00:08:43,596 --> 00:08:47,023
- I have no idea what the hell this is.
- It's fried chicken.
209
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:49,036
- Really?
- It's baked fried chicken.
210
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:51,634
Oh, so fried fried chicken
is too black for you.
211
00:08:51,636 --> 00:08:54,296
- Pops! Pops, seriously?
- Hey, hey. Babe, babe.
212
00:08:54,298 --> 00:08:55,494
- What?
- You know what? Pops is right.
213
00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:57,770
You know, I... I do feel like a puppet.
214
00:08:57,772 --> 00:08:58,902
As you should.
215
00:08:58,904 --> 00:09:02,404
I said I wanted to be the first
black SVP for Stevens & Lido,
216
00:09:02,406 --> 00:09:04,795
when, actually, I wanted
to be the first SVP
217
00:09:04,797 --> 00:09:06,097
who happened to be black.
218
00:09:06,099 --> 00:09:07,333
What's the difference?
219
00:09:07,335 --> 00:09:09,109
Obama's the first black president.
220
00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:11,430
I mean, does that make
him any less president? No.
221
00:09:11,432 --> 00:09:13,333
No, because he's the first black president
222
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:14,774
of the United States,
223
00:09:14,776 --> 00:09:18,280
not the first black president
of the Urban United States.
224
00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:20,957
Obama's the first black president? What...
225
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:22,918
[groans] you're doing
a bang-up job over here.
226
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,586
No, no, no. Hold on a
second. Let's explore this.
227
00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:27,804
Jack, did you really not know that
Obama was the first black president?
228
00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:30,387
He's the only president I've ever known.
229
00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:33,158
- "Only". Did you hear that? "Only".
- He gets a pass.
230
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,577
So that explains his complete
lack of Presidential Trivia.
231
00:09:36,579 --> 00:09:37,852
Dre: Hey. You two.
232
00:09:37,854 --> 00:09:40,933
You knew that Obama was the
first black president, right?
233
00:09:41,226 --> 00:09:42,994
- I g... guess.
- Okay.
234
00:09:42,996 --> 00:09:44,396
"Okay"?
235
00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,171
Pops: Mm-hmm. See what I'm talking about?
236
00:09:46,173 --> 00:09:47,801
Baked chicken.
237
00:09:50,066 --> 00:09:52,883
- Rainbow: What you doing?
- Looking at pictures...
238
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:53,471
[chuckles]
239
00:09:53,473 --> 00:09:55,386
of my Urban family.
240
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:56,298
Oh, my God.
241
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,825
You got to stop with the
whole pity-party thing.
242
00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:02,186
You don't think I go through this kind of
thing all the time being a female doctor?
243
00:10:02,188 --> 00:10:04,947
It's not that big of a deal.
You got to keep it real.
244
00:10:05,536 --> 00:10:07,185
- "Keep it real". O... okay.
- That's what I said.
245
00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:08,886
All... all this coming from, uh,
246
00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:13,072
a biracial or mixed or
omni-colored-complexion,
247
00:10:13,074 --> 00:10:14,971
whatever-it-is-they're-
calling-it-today woman
248
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:18,933
- who technically isn't even really black?
- Okay, well, if I'm not really black,
249
00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:21,874
then could somebody please tell
my hair and my ass?
250
00:10:22,248 --> 00:10:24,351
- Babe, you don't get it.
- No.
251
00:10:24,353 --> 00:10:26,958
- This is how it starts.
- What?
252
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,271
Babe, Junior wants to play field hockey.
253
00:10:29,273 --> 00:10:31,950
- I know. What's wrong with that?
- I...
254
00:10:32,352 --> 00:10:33,549
today, it's field hockey.
255
00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:36,197
Tomorrow, he's running from
the police in a white bronco.
256
00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:39,549
Oh, my God... are you suggesting that our
son is gonna grow up and murder his wife?
257
00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:42,488
- Aha! You think O.J. did it!
- [laughing] Oh, come on.
258
00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:45,022
We can't have a keeping-it-real
conversation with that attitude.
259
00:10:45,024 --> 00:10:45,979
No, no, no. Stop, babe.
260
00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:48,050
- Baby, the gloves didn't fit!
- No, focus, Dre.
261
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:49,962
- You need to focus.
- Okay.
262
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,147
This is what you always wanted.
263
00:10:52,149 --> 00:10:54,721
This is your dream and this is our plan.
264
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:58,178
We're gonna climb the
Himalayas, sex in the Louvre,
265
00:10:58,180 --> 00:11:00,474
and then we're gonna
successfully raise our family
266
00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:02,364
in a better situation than we had.
267
00:11:02,366 --> 00:11:05,864
If you pass up this
promotion, we're 0 for 3.
268
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:09,559
[chuckles] Maybe you're right, babe.
269
00:11:09,561 --> 00:11:13,185
- Ooh. Thank you. I love you, too.
- Ooh. You're welcome. Mwah. I love you.
270
00:11:13,187 --> 00:11:16,333
- No. [Laughs]
- You didn't even let me get it out.
271
00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:18,255
I know, 'cause I can hear
what you're thinking.
272
00:11:18,257 --> 00:11:20,156
- Okay, well, I'm just gonna do it.
- No. no!
273
00:11:21,231 --> 00:11:24,063
- [knock on window]
- There he is... my main man.
274
00:11:24,065 --> 00:11:26,265
Can't wait to see what you
do with that presentation.
275
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:28,140
Me too. Really looking forward to it.
276
00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:31,017
And, remember, really put
your swag on it, you know?
277
00:11:31,019 --> 00:11:32,586
Keep it... keep it real.
278
00:11:33,815 --> 00:11:35,182
Keep it real?
279
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:38,013
Yeah. Be honest, be smart, be you.
280
00:11:38,925 --> 00:11:40,926
What, uh, what did you think I meant?
281
00:11:41,852 --> 00:11:43,293
I thought you meant that.
282
00:11:43,295 --> 00:11:44,446
Okay.
283
00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:47,625
[chuckles]
284
00:11:48,217 --> 00:11:50,318
"Keep it real".
285
00:11:50,319 --> 00:11:51,921
What's up, Drigitty-Dre?
286
00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:54,098
- [High-pitched voice] * Rewind *
- My name's not...
287
00:11:54,099 --> 00:11:56,759
- Drigitty-Dre-Dre... what? Kick it.
- That's inappropriate!
288
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,974
Highly inappropriate!
289
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,166
- Hey, babe.
- Mommy, mommy.
290
00:12:04,168 --> 00:12:05,365
- Mom.
- Yeah?
291
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:07,626
Liza Jackson asked if
we could have a playdate.
292
00:12:07,628 --> 00:12:10,311
She's weird, so feel free to say "no".
293
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,219
Liza Jackson? Which one is she?
294
00:12:12,221 --> 00:12:15,680
You know, wears the Nemo
shoes every... single... day?
295
00:12:15,682 --> 00:12:17,470
- Huh.
- And the polka-dot backpack.
296
00:12:17,472 --> 00:12:19,106
Kind of smells like a Turkey Burger.
297
00:12:19,108 --> 00:12:20,547
- Ew!
- Wait a second.
298
00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:24,513
Are you guys talking about the only
other little black girl in your class?
299
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:25,651
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
300
00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:27,789
- Why didn't you just say that?
- I don't know.
301
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,386
Guess when I hear "Liza Jackson,"
302
00:12:29,388 --> 00:12:31,532
I just think "Nemo and Turkey Burgers".
303
00:12:31,534 --> 00:12:32,734
- Jack: Yep.
- Thank you.
304
00:12:32,736 --> 00:12:34,903
You're welcome. [Chuckles]
305
00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:36,353
What?
306
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:38,666
Don't you think that's
beautiful? They don't see color.
307
00:12:38,668 --> 00:12:40,840
No. I think they need to be tested.
308
00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:43,719
But when I say it, I'm wrong.
309
00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:46,275
I made the team!
310
00:12:46,277 --> 00:12:48,008
Whoo! Yes! Oh, my goodness!
311
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:49,607
- That's so exciting!
- Of course you did.
312
00:12:49,609 --> 00:12:52,379
- Yes! Oh, God, I'm so happy!
- Thank you.
313
00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:56,160
[clanking]Uh, Zach? Can
I help you with something?
314
00:12:56,162 --> 00:12:58,918
Uh, yeah, I've just been
craving some grape soda all day,
315
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,141
and my parents just never buy any.
316
00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:02,182
- And why would you assume we have...
- Found it!
317
00:13:02,184 --> 00:13:05,480
Oh, and, dad, me and some of the
field mob decided what I should do
318
00:13:05,482 --> 00:13:06,528
- for my birthday party.
- Field mob?
319
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,192
- I want to have a Bar Mitzvah.
- A...
320
00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:11,145
And before you say anything,
I know we're not Jewish,
321
00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:14,072
but Zach knows a rabbi who's great
at pushing through conversions, so...
322
00:13:14,074 --> 00:13:19,023
Hold on... so you'd be willing to
forsake your own religion to have a party?
323
00:13:19,025 --> 00:13:20,793
Short answer... yes.
324
00:13:20,795 --> 00:13:24,478
- Are you listening to this?
- Dad, now that I think about it, if I do,
325
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,364
you won't have to worry about
anyone calling me "Andy" anymore,
326
00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:29,373
because when I convert,
I'll get a Hebrew name.
327
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,012
I'm gonna go with either
"Scholomo" or "Shmuel".
328
00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:34,424
- What?
- Both pretty solid, bro.
329
00:13:35,042 --> 00:13:38,145
Shut up! Shut... you
know what? Family meeting!
330
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:40,165
Everybody, 'round the table... now!
331
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:43,461
I smell a group hug coming
on. I'm going to the track.
332
00:13:43,463 --> 00:13:44,973
See you later, Pops.
333
00:13:44,977 --> 00:13:46,268
All right, listen up.
334
00:13:46,270 --> 00:13:48,881
I may have to be "Urban" at work,
335
00:13:48,883 --> 00:13:51,760
but I'm still going to
need my family to be black.
336
00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:53,356
Not Black-ish...
337
00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:54,552
- Wha...
- but black.
338
00:13:54,554 --> 00:13:57,209
So we're gonna start with
some strict guidelines.
339
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,521
So, then he sent me a
smiley face with a wink.
340
00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,292
- I mean, I should be offended, right?
- Zoey!
341
00:14:01,662 --> 00:14:04,885
- I'll text you.
- Alright. From heretoforth,
342
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,705
we are going to keep it real.
343
00:14:08,257 --> 00:14:09,432
So, Junior,
344
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:12,773
if I hear anybody calling
you "Scholomo" or "Shmuel"
345
00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:13,885
or especially "Andy,"
346
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,750
I'm gonna back you over
and whoever else is saying it
347
00:14:16,752 --> 00:14:17,718
in my car.
348
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,287
- Dad...
- Quiet!
349
00:14:19,349 --> 00:14:23,439
Now, I may have to watch you play
possibly the dumbest sport in the world,
350
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,665
but I do not have to sit
back and listen to you rave
351
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,915
about other kids' Bar Mitzvahs.
352
00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:32,427
So, next Saturday, when you turn 13,
353
00:14:32,429 --> 00:14:34,168
you're becoming a man, too...
354
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,645
a black man, because I'm throwing you
355
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:40,106
an African rites of passage ceremony.
356
00:14:40,108 --> 00:14:41,208
Ha!
357
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,505
That does not sound as fun.
358
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,221
No, it does not.
359
00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,213
Okay, I have an idea.
360
00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:50,351
Why don't we take a black break
361
00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:52,051
and go get some white yogurt?
362
00:14:52,053 --> 00:14:53,165
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
363
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,525
Hey, hey! Hold on, hold
on. Slow your roll, you two.
364
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,336
From here on out, I'm gonna need you two
365
00:14:57,338 --> 00:15:00,242
to describe people using
keeping-it-real identifications.
366
00:15:00,244 --> 00:15:02,889
"The assailant was a hispanic male
367
00:15:02,891 --> 00:15:05,041
between the ages of 10 and 60".
368
00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:07,513
See? Now I know who I'm looking for.
369
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:10,547
Mommy, daddy's scaring me.
370
00:15:10,549 --> 00:15:12,780
Rainbow: Me too, baby. Me too.
371
00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:14,142
- Really?
- [toy squeaks] Mm-hmm.
372
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,506
Okay, are we done with
this whole life-and-death,
373
00:15:16,508 --> 00:15:17,881
keeping-it-real speech?
374
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,844
Because I need to start prepping for a
2-year-old's surgery that I have tomorrow,
375
00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:23,076
and I'm not gonna be thinking
about keeping it real.
376
00:15:23,078 --> 00:15:25,777
I'm gonna be thinking
about keeping him alive.
377
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:29,145
You're not the only one in this
house with an important job.
378
00:15:29,168 --> 00:15:30,810
My job is pretty important.
379
00:15:30,812 --> 00:15:32,789
And, as I recall, you
were the one who brought up
380
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:34,039
this keeping-it-real argument.
381
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,863
- So this is my fault?
- Yes, it's your fault.
382
00:15:35,865 --> 00:15:36,899
- Oh, this is my fault?
- Oh, yes.
383
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:39,277
And, tomorrow, I have a very
important presentation to make.
384
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,363
And you know what I'm
gonna do when I go in there?
385
00:15:41,365 --> 00:15:43,781
I'm gonna go in there, I'm
gonna keep it real as [grunts]...
386
00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:46,667
Yeah, because that's
what you told me to do.
387
00:15:46,669 --> 00:15:48,985
Oh, I'm pretty sure that's
not what I told you to do.
388
00:15:48,987 --> 00:15:50,322
Oh, no, that's exactly what you said.
389
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,456
If she thinks I'm finished
with keeping it real,
390
00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:54,158
I am just getting started.
391
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,162
And if Stevens & Lido
really wants an Urban SVP,
392
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,558
i'll give them their Urban SVP.
393
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,174
- Ha!
- Oh, my God.
394
00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:06,971
It's bigger than hip, hop, hip, hop
395
00:16:06,973 --> 00:16:09,658
Commentator: Lalonde...
Leonard landing at will.
396
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,243
And Lalonde goes down!
397
00:16:11,245 --> 00:16:13,012
[alarm ringing]
398
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,730
_
399
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:19,162
Dre: So, that's my Urban pitch
for the L.A. tourism account.
400
00:16:19,164 --> 00:16:21,349
- Thoughts?
- [chuckles]
401
00:16:23,256 --> 00:16:25,202
We're not really doing this, right?
402
00:16:27,843 --> 00:16:30,245
I thought it was funny.
403
00:16:31,237 --> 00:16:36,875
["Ngayaya" plays]
404
00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,414
[rattling]
405
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,259
Operation "Keepin' It
Real" was in full effect,
406
00:16:42,261 --> 00:16:44,443
and although it was off to a rocky start,
407
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:45,845
I still had high hopes.
408
00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:48,802
- Mm!
- Pops: Andre.
409
00:16:48,804 --> 00:16:51,208
- Yes?
- What is this mess you're doing?
410
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,708
This ain't no mess, Pops.
This is our culture.
411
00:16:53,710 --> 00:16:56,357
This ain't our culture.
We black, not African.
412
00:16:56,359 --> 00:16:58,005
Africans don't even like us.
413
00:16:58,007 --> 00:16:59,185
Dad, can I go?
414
00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:01,779
No. Stand right there
and experience your roots.
415
00:17:01,781 --> 00:17:03,640
You're better off watching "Roots".
416
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,176
Ah.
417
00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:07,046
[door opens]
418
00:17:08,354 --> 00:17:09,821
Uh-oh.
419
00:17:11,174 --> 00:17:12,914
Should I start, or do you want to?
420
00:17:12,916 --> 00:17:15,194
Okay. Okay. Uh, take that, son. Take that!
421
00:17:15,196 --> 00:17:17,492
- What is he doing?
- Pops: Don't look at me.
422
00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:18,802
- [blows]
- Ohh!
423
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:22,220
Hey, Bow. Look, baby, I had...
the boy wanted a Bar Mitzvah!
424
00:17:22,222 --> 00:17:24,748
Bow, I could use your support right now.
425
00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:27,709
I was trying to support you
when I called you at work today,
426
00:17:27,711 --> 00:17:29,648
and my call was rerouted
to Corporate Security.
427
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,427
And they questioned me for like 30 minutes
428
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:33,223
about my husband's mental state.
429
00:17:33,225 --> 00:17:36,004
Hmm. Weird. Next time, just call my cell.
430
00:17:36,006 --> 00:17:38,356
Ohh. Dre, what happened at work today?
431
00:17:39,149 --> 00:17:41,469
Look, Mr. Stevens failed to fully grasp
432
00:17:41,471 --> 00:17:44,186
the irony of my pitch,
so we mutually decided
433
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,631
that we would take the
weekend to figure out
434
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,332
if... Stevens & Lido was
still a perfect fit for me.
435
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:51,969
Still a perfect fit? Dre?
436
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,330
He's thinking about firing you?
437
00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,730
I guess, if you want to
oversimplify it like that.
438
00:17:56,732 --> 00:17:59,128
Oh, my God. Dre! There
is no winning with you!
439
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,624
You're upset because they gave
you the job because you're black.
440
00:18:01,626 --> 00:18:03,086
If they'd given it to someone white,
441
00:18:03,088 --> 00:18:05,438
you'd be upset they didn't
give it to someone black!
442
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,124
This "keeping it real"
B.S. has got to stop.
443
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:10,483
I'm not gonna have you running
around torturing my son.
444
00:18:10,485 --> 00:18:12,921
What was that? What are you
wear... what are you wearing?
445
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:15,860
Whatever issues you are working through,
446
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,086
you need to get over them... now.
447
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,067
Okay?
448
00:18:22,993 --> 00:18:24,692
Pops: Nice shot.
449
00:18:24,876 --> 00:18:26,929
So much for The Johnson Family form.
450
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,057
Dad, listen, I get it.
451
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:30,789
You feel like I'm turning into a white boy.
452
00:18:30,791 --> 00:18:33,696
- Mm-hmm.
- But I'm not. I'm just being me.
453
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:35,670
I'm just not quite sure who that is yet.
454
00:18:35,672 --> 00:18:38,011
Son, I realize how difficult it must be
455
00:18:38,013 --> 00:18:39,640
to feel like the different one at school.
456
00:18:39,642 --> 00:18:42,648
But it's also important for
you to hold on to your culture
457
00:18:42,650 --> 00:18:44,204
and realize how special it is.
458
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:48,403
Honestly, the only thing I'm really trying
to hold on to right now is my first boob.
459
00:18:48,405 --> 00:18:49,216
[Pops groans]
460
00:18:49,218 --> 00:18:52,510
I'm a ninth-grader playing
varsity. That means something.
461
00:18:52,722 --> 00:18:54,538
So this was all a part of your plan.
462
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,254
Yeah. Me and the field mob...
463
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:59,511
Hey, son, please... stop
calling yourselves that.
464
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,776
Fine. Me and my boys figured that
465
00:19:01,778 --> 00:19:03,893
if we could just get our foot
in the door with other jocks,
466
00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:05,893
we'd really get in there
and make some noise.
467
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,329
[chuckles]
468
00:19:08,838 --> 00:19:11,165
So, you really do want to play basketball.
469
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,438
Yeah, dad. But I suck at it.
470
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:16,361
All right, little man,
get in the house. Go.
471
00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:20,621
Who knew? Boy wants to hold a boob.
472
00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:22,344
You can't be mad at him for that.
473
00:19:22,346 --> 00:19:26,222
Hey, Pops, how the hell
did you keep it real with us
474
00:19:26,224 --> 00:19:28,634
- when we were growing up?
- I didn't. I kept it honest.
475
00:19:28,636 --> 00:19:31,058
So, I really screwed this up, didn't I?
476
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:34,521
Screwing things up is just another part
of what it means to be a father, Dre.
477
00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:37,783
It's how you learn to fix things.
478
00:19:38,822 --> 00:19:41,092
Just remember, son, whatever you do,
479
00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:43,703
make sure it's right for who you are.
480
00:19:44,388 --> 00:19:47,685
If that boy wants a Bar Mitzvah, I'm
gonna throw that boy a Bar Mitzvah.
481
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,914
- There you go.
- Mm!
482
00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:51,087
"Hold a boob".
483
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,556
[both laugh]
484
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:54,388
[Usher's "Yeah!" plays]
485
00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,727
yeah, yeah!
486
00:19:56,729 --> 00:20:02,241
Dre: Ladies and gentlemen, may I
present Andre Jr.'s Hip-Hop Bro Mitzvah..
487
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:05,068
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
488
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:08,177
let's go
now, I say, yeah, yeah, yeah
489
00:20:08,179 --> 00:20:11,004
shorty got down on me and
said, "come and get me"
490
00:20:11,006 --> 00:20:12,805
yeah, yeah
491
00:20:12,807 --> 00:20:15,738
I got so caught up,
I forgot she told me
492
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:17,354
yeah, yeah
493
00:20:17,356 --> 00:20:20,364
her and my girl used
to be the best of homies
494
00:20:20,366 --> 00:20:22,062
yeah, yeah
495
00:20:22,064 --> 00:20:24,851
next thing I knew, she was
all up on me screamin'
496
00:20:24,853 --> 00:20:26,890
yeah, yeah, yeah
497
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,202
yeah, yeah, yeah
498
00:20:29,204 --> 00:20:31,353
yeah, yeah, yeah
499
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,975
Sometimes keeping it real
means admitting you were wrong
500
00:20:33,977 --> 00:20:37,102
but, as a dad, still
finding a way to be right.
501
00:20:37,104 --> 00:20:39,601
Be damned if I'm calling him Andy, though.
502
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:40,976
Ha!
503
00:20:43,561 --> 00:20:46,355
So, that Los Angeles tourism campaign
504
00:20:46,357 --> 00:20:48,023
went a lot better once I realized
505
00:20:48,025 --> 00:20:51,483
that "Urban" can also mean
Hip, Cool, and Colorful,
506
00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:53,086
just like my family.
507
00:20:54,958 --> 00:20:56,258
[sets glass down]
508
00:20:58,203 --> 00:21:01,257
So, taking a cue from my very wise son,
509
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,735
I decided to get my foot in the
door and really make some noise.
510
00:21:04,735 --> 00:21:09,991
And just like that, I became the SVP
of Stevens & Lido's Urban Division.
511
00:21:09,993 --> 00:21:13,349
The funny thing is... I didn't feel Urban.
512
00:21:13,349 --> 00:21:14,841
I just feel like a dad.
513
00:21:14,842 --> 00:21:17,937
who was willing to do whatever
he had to for his family.
514
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:20,542
And isn't that the American Dream?
515
00:21:22,685 --> 00:21:24,029
[Diane laughs]
516
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,204
517
00:21:28,051 --> 00:21:29,069
518
00:21:30,841 --> 00:21:33,001
? 2014 ABC Studios
519
00:21:33,051 --> 00:21:37,601
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