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1
00:00:02,267 --> 00:00:03,568
[
]
2
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:05,036
There. How's that?
3
00:00:05,037 --> 00:00:06,371
Tighter.
4
00:00:06,372 --> 00:00:10,075
Darrin. If I tied it
any tighter, you'd pass out.
5
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,609
I wanna pass out.
6
00:00:11,610 --> 00:00:13,844
It's the merciful thing to do.
7
00:00:13,845 --> 00:00:16,414
I just resent having to
wear a dinner jacket
8
00:00:16,415 --> 00:00:18,149
to eat dinner in my own house,
9
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:20,419
just to please
a so-called empress.
10
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:21,887
If it'll make you
feel any better,
11
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:23,788
she won't be pleased.
12
00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:26,024
She'd rather you wear tails.
13
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:27,959
And she is an empress
14
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,763
and high priestess
of all witches and warlocks.
15
00:00:31,764 --> 00:00:33,198
That still doesn't
give her the right
16
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,299
to barge into our house
17
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,935
and turn it
into Buckingham Palace.
18
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,137
Well, she'll change it back
when she leaves.
19
00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:41,306
Sweetheart, try to understand.
20
00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,642
Uh, redecorating
makes her feel...
21
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:44,743
more at home.
22
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,178
Where does she live?
The Taj Mahal?
23
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,914
Boy, some nerve.
24
00:00:49,915 --> 00:00:52,884
"I, Hepzibah, will reside
in this house for one week,
25
00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:54,319
"to decide whether or not
26
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,254
"this first and only
mixed marriage
27
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:59,524
of witch to mortal
should be dissolved."
28
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:00,525
Blech.
29
00:01:02,094 --> 00:01:03,228
Sam...
30
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,629
is this all worth it?
31
00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:06,931
I mean, wouldn't it
be easier if we agreed
32
00:01:06,932 --> 00:01:09,167
you'd go to the witches'
convention by yourself?
33
00:01:09,168 --> 00:01:10,602
Wouldn't that satisfy her?
34
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:11,802
[
]
35
00:01:11,803 --> 00:01:14,071
It would not satisfy me.
36
00:01:14,072 --> 00:01:17,742
If I have to go to Salem to
that dumb witches' convention,
37
00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:19,777
I want you to come with me.
38
00:01:19,778 --> 00:01:21,480
Mommy?
39
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,648
Where did you get that outfit?
40
00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:24,916
Her Majesty.
41
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:28,152
She said a young lady should
dress properly for dinner.
42
00:01:28,153 --> 00:01:31,022
And a fairy princess
never looked lovelier.
43
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:33,692
What did she dress Adam as?
Prince Charming?
44
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,962
No. She picked him up
from his crib to play with him,
45
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,663
and he made a no-no
on her,
46
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:41,299
so he's not allowed
to come down at all.
47
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,901
Darn. I wish I had
thought of that.
48
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,971
[GONG BOOMS]
49
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,776
Well, first call for dinner.
50
00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:57,148
[PLAYING FANFARE]
51
00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:01,486
Ex-queen Samantha,
her daughter Tabitha,
52
00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:03,554
and mortal.
53
00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:06,257
[
]
54
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:10,628
Well, come, come.
Din-din is getting cold.
55
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,962
Who are they?
56
00:02:11,963 --> 00:02:13,798
Our servants, of course.
57
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:16,634
We never travel anywhere
without our servants.
58
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,136
Well, you can tell
your "trumpeteer"
59
00:02:19,137 --> 00:02:21,806
that I have a name and a title:
60
00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:24,809
Darrin Stephens,
master of this house.
61
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:27,512
Not while we live here.
62
00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:30,081
And for not remembering
your place,
63
00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:32,517
you get...
64
00:02:32,518 --> 00:02:34,285
one demerit.
65
00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:39,024
Young man...
66
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:41,058
when those other nine demerits
67
00:02:41,059 --> 00:02:43,394
are over with
that other demerit,
68
00:02:43,395 --> 00:02:46,197
you will be dissolved.
69
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:50,902
Uh, come on, sweetheart.
70
00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:54,672
Our, uh, din-din
is getting cold.
71
00:02:54,673 --> 00:02:56,374
"Dissolved?"
72
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,009
Shh.
73
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,011
[
]
74
00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:06,183
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
75
00:03:06,184 --> 00:03:08,185
[
]
76
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,457
[
]
77
00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:54,032
[
]
78
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,339
Everything looks yummy.
79
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,507
Oh, it looks
different. Hm.
80
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:04,942
What is it?
81
00:04:04,943 --> 00:04:06,845
Oh, p?t? of elephant tail,
82
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:09,247
pickled eye of newt.
83
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:12,651
Over there is hummingbird
tongue parmigiana.
84
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,919
And here is kidney of iguana
85
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:15,987
bourguignonne
86
00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:17,488
in neat-feet oil.
87
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:22,494
Well, to be perfectly honest,
uh, Your Highness,
88
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,228
these, ahem,
89
00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,965
goodies are a little exotic
for my system.
90
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,899
Ridiculous.
91
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:30,702
P?t? of elephant tail
92
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:34,439
is no more exotic
than blueberry pie.
93
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,509
Uh, Darrin's not too crazy
about blueberry pie either.
94
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:42,080
This is ethnic food.
95
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,215
By refusing to share it with us,
96
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:48,486
you are insulting
an entire ethnic group.
97
00:04:53,158 --> 00:04:55,693
What do you say to that?
98
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:58,095
How about the eight ball
in the side pocket?
99
00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:00,765
Another demerit
100
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:03,868
for that feeble
attempt at humor.
101
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:10,809
[SIGHS]
102
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,611
Well, that's three down,
seven to go.
103
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:14,645
[DOORBELL RINGS]
104
00:05:16,214 --> 00:05:17,248
Answer the door.
105
00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:21,919
Well, I-it's no one we know,
uh, Your Majesty.
106
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,722
I-I mean, a friend
would never just drop in
107
00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,024
at the dinner hour, uninvited.
108
00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:28,526
[DOORBELL RINGS]
109
00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:29,927
[CLEARS THROAT]
110
00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:31,729
And a friend who would drop in
111
00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:34,399
at the dinner hour
isn't much of a friend.
112
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,333
So... who needs him?
113
00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:37,535
We do.
114
00:05:37,536 --> 00:05:39,771
If we are researching
the species,
115
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:44,075
we would like to meet
as many mortals as possible.
116
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:45,877
[DOORBELL RINGS] I'll get it.
117
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,879
[
]
118
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:59,724
Hi, Sam. I'm sorry
to barge in at dinnertime
119
00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:02,360
but I had to drop
these papers off for Darrin.
120
00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:03,494
And I'd like to...
121
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,231
You're having a costume party...
122
00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:08,967
and you didn't invite me.
123
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,601
Oh! Uh, no, no,
Larry.
124
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:11,870
Uh, we're just entertaining
125
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,205
an aunt of mine who
insists we dress up.
126
00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:16,107
Excuse me.
127
00:06:16,108 --> 00:06:18,476
[
]
128
00:06:22,681 --> 00:06:26,951
When, uh, did you redecorate?
129
00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:28,219
Redecorate?
130
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,254
SAMANTHA:
We didn't.
131
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:30,889
It's my aunt's.
132
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,824
She's very, very
wealthy, and, uh...
133
00:06:33,825 --> 00:06:35,826
a little strange.
134
00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:39,197
A lot strange.
135
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:41,399
A ding-a-ling?
136
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,334
Samantha...
137
00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:46,604
uh, bring whoever it is
into our presence.
138
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,506
I'd better go. I'll
call you later, Darrin.
139
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:49,573
No, no.
Larry, please.
140
00:06:49,574 --> 00:06:51,276
Uh, just...
Just meet her.
141
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:54,045
[
]
142
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:01,586
Your Majesty, may I present
143
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,987
my business
associate, Mr. Tate?
144
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,724
Do I curtsy?
145
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,326
A bow will do.
146
00:07:09,461 --> 00:07:12,864
Nicely done. We are
pleased with this one.
147
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,431
Thank you, Your Highness.
148
00:07:14,432 --> 00:07:16,701
I'm available for knighthood.
149
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:18,168
[LAUGHING]
150
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:24,809
Eh, he's a bit of
a ding-a-ling.
151
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:25,910
Heh.
152
00:07:25,911 --> 00:07:27,312
Uh, Darrin,
I'm sorry to barge in
153
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,913
on this little dinner party
of yours,
154
00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:30,081
but I had to talk to you
155
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,183
before we meet with Hitchcock
in the morning.
156
00:07:32,184 --> 00:07:34,652
Oh. Sit down and join us.
157
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,354
Oh, I... I'd be honored,
158
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:38,556
but, uh, actually,
159
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:41,291
I'm joining my wife
at the club for dinner.
160
00:07:41,292 --> 00:07:42,593
Oh, and you know how Louise
161
00:07:42,594 --> 00:07:43,794
hates to be kept waiting.
162
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,262
So why don't you just run along?
163
00:07:45,263 --> 00:07:46,864
But, uh, I, heh,
164
00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:48,900
could have
an hors d'oeuvre or two.
165
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,134
Postlethwaite.
166
00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:51,502
It certainly looks delicious.
167
00:07:51,503 --> 00:07:53,370
Don't bother, Postlethwaite.
168
00:07:53,371 --> 00:07:54,772
I'm full.
169
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,007
As you were.
170
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,909
Thank you.
Mm.
171
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:58,910
Mmm.
172
00:08:01,112 --> 00:08:02,379
Mmm.
173
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,650
It is delicious.
174
00:08:06,651 --> 00:08:09,020
I mean, really delicious.
175
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:12,357
I never tasted anything
like it. What is it?
176
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,492
It's a secret family recipe.
177
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,230
So, uh... Uh, Hitchcock is coming
to the office tomorrow, right?
178
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:21,565
Mm.
179
00:08:21,566 --> 00:08:24,168
I can taste the parmigiana,
but I can't make out...
180
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:25,603
The hummingbird tongue?
181
00:08:28,273 --> 00:08:30,007
The what?
182
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,109
[LAUGHING]
183
00:08:32,110 --> 00:08:34,879
That's very amusing,
Your Highness.
184
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,080
Oh, funny, huh?
185
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:38,449
[ALL LAUGHING]
186
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:40,818
We have heard
of hummingbird tongue
187
00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:43,721
being tasty, but never amusing.
188
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,356
[CHUCKLING]
189
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:50,728
Tabitha, are you enjoying
your hummingbird tongue?
190
00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:53,164
I like the pickled eye
of newt better.
191
00:08:54,399 --> 00:08:55,399
The pickled...
192
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,601
Eye of newt.
193
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:59,703
[CHUCKLING]
194
00:08:59,704 --> 00:09:02,140
Uh, listen...
195
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,042
I hate to eat and run,
but, uh...
196
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,411
Run, run. Heh.
Louise is waiting.
197
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:07,912
Oh, I'll see you in the morning.
198
00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:10,048
It's been an honor
meeting you, Your Highness.
199
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,049
And, uh, don't get up.
200
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,317
I think I can find my way out.
201
00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:15,453
[
]
202
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:16,921
[DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES]
203
00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,156
[SIGHS]
204
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,491
At least the creature
was man enough
205
00:09:20,492 --> 00:09:22,226
to give it a try.
206
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:23,461
[CHUCKLES]
207
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,530
[MOUTHING WORDS]
208
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,131
[
]
209
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,301
I don't know how much
longer I can take it.
210
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:31,602
Don't worry, sweetheart.
211
00:09:31,603 --> 00:09:34,138
Just a few more days,
and it'll all be over.
212
00:09:34,139 --> 00:09:35,639
Well... the way I'm...
213
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,974
[MAKES POPPING NOISE]
214
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:39,911
Piling up demerits,
it could be all over today.
215
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,612
I'd better get along.
216
00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:43,214
HEPZIBAH:
Where?
217
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:47,518
[SIGHS] To work.
218
00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:49,553
That interests us.
219
00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:51,488
What is "work"?
220
00:09:51,489 --> 00:09:54,425
That's a very good question,
Your Majesty.
221
00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:57,762
And Samantha is just
the person to explain it.
222
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,631
See you later, honey.
Uh, by your leave.
223
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:02,633
[
]
224
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,170
What is "work"?
225
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:09,840
Oh, that's what
mortals do from 9 to 5.
226
00:10:09,841 --> 00:10:12,543
You will explain while
we have our breakfast.
227
00:10:12,544 --> 00:10:14,278
[
]
228
00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:15,712
Quickly, Penelope.
229
00:10:17,449 --> 00:10:18,582
Naughty, naughty.
230
00:10:29,427 --> 00:10:31,429
Once over lightly.
231
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,498
Repeat.
232
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:37,435
What is "work"?
233
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:39,770
Well, in Darrin's case,
234
00:10:39,771 --> 00:10:41,839
it's advertising.
235
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,641
What is advertising?
236
00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:46,210
Advertising is...
237
00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:48,812
Well...
238
00:10:48,813 --> 00:10:50,147
After breakfast,
239
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:52,382
you will take us
to his workshop.
240
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:54,151
Oh, uh...
241
00:10:54,152 --> 00:10:55,585
but I-I couldn't
take us there.
242
00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:58,189
I-I mean,
he's very busy.
243
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,657
If we have time to watch him,
244
00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:03,260
then he will make time
to be watched.
245
00:11:03,261 --> 00:11:05,896
But I couldn't possibly
leave the house.
246
00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:07,857
I don't have a babysitter.
247
00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:12,303
You do now.
248
00:11:14,572 --> 00:11:16,506
Y... Yes, uh, Your Majesty.
249
00:11:16,507 --> 00:11:18,508
[
]
250
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:25,582
[
]
251
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,418
Morning.
252
00:11:29,487 --> 00:11:31,021
It's almost noon.
253
00:11:31,022 --> 00:11:33,023
I know.
254
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:34,558
I had a great night's sleep.
255
00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:37,328
One hour, from
10:00 this morning to 11.
256
00:11:38,897 --> 00:11:41,965
Did I eat hummingbird tongue
last night, or didn't I?
257
00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:44,668
Larry, will you
please forget last night?
258
00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:46,804
Uh, Hitchcock will be here
any minute.
259
00:11:46,805 --> 00:11:49,407
Now, let's go over
the presentation.
260
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,642
What's pickled eye of newt?
261
00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:54,078
Uh, it's kind of a squash...
262
00:11:54,079 --> 00:11:55,580
prepared with a sauce.
263
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,822
It is? Because
I love squash.
264
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,218
SAMANTHA:
Hello.
265
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:04,121
Uh, we didn't have
a chance to call.
266
00:12:04,122 --> 00:12:05,722
Uh, Aunt Hepzibah
267
00:12:05,723 --> 00:12:07,591
wanted to come and see
where you work.
268
00:12:07,592 --> 00:12:08,926
Carry on.
269
00:12:08,927 --> 00:12:10,962
[
]
270
00:12:14,632 --> 00:12:16,067
L-look, uh...
271
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,603
Uh, Your Majesty,
we're really very busy.
272
00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:24,175
Good. Then we shall
observe "busyness."
273
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,445
Sam, would you please try
274
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,413
to explain to Her Highness
275
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:32,283
that we're expecting
a very important client?
276
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:33,918
Larry said they're expecting...
277
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,453
We do not need a translation.
278
00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:38,588
Yes, ma'am.
279
00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:40,057
[BUZZES]
280
00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:42,726
Yes?
281
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:44,428
Hitchcock is here.
282
00:12:44,429 --> 00:12:45,663
Tell him to wait.
283
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,198
Send him in.
284
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:51,035
I've got a great idea,
Your Majesty.
285
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,736
Why don't you visit
the United Nations?
286
00:12:52,737 --> 00:12:55,539
You can meet a lot of kings
and presidents.
287
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:57,074
Send him in.
288
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,250
Send him in.
[SIGHS]
289
00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:04,582
Uh, look, Your Majesty...
290
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,884
uh, Mr. Hitchcock
is a very busy man,
291
00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:08,586
an-and busy men
are sometimes
292
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:10,321
very brusque and impatient.
293
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:12,356
He might say something
to insult you.
294
00:13:12,357 --> 00:13:15,593
We hope not, for his sake.
295
00:13:16,995 --> 00:13:18,529
Oh. Good to see you,
Mr. Hitchcock.
296
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:19,896
Uh, Tate.
Mr. Hitchcock.
297
00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:21,465
Stephens.
298
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:24,235
Oh, uh, may I present
my wife, Samantha?
299
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,536
How do you do?
300
00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:27,904
And her Aunt Hepzibah
visiting from out of town.
301
00:13:27,905 --> 00:13:29,185
Ladies.
302
00:13:30,475 --> 00:13:32,109
I've got exactly 25 minutes
303
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,511
before we go to lunch, Stephens.
304
00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,979
Shall we get on with it?
305
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,315
Yes, let's get on with it.
I-in the conference room.
306
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,316
Uh, that won't be necessary.
307
00:13:40,718 --> 00:13:43,687
We are very comfortable here.
308
00:13:43,688 --> 00:13:45,555
Is this some sort of
a joke, Tate?
309
00:13:45,556 --> 00:13:47,157
Heh-heh.
Well, uh... Ha.
310
00:13:47,158 --> 00:13:50,261
Well, my aunt I...
Was rather interested
311
00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:52,897
in studying
the world of business.
312
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,164
Perhaps it's not my place
313
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:55,833
to say this, madam, but, uh...
314
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,134
[MAGIC CHIMES]
315
00:13:57,135 --> 00:13:59,002
[
]
316
00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:03,807
You're a most attractive woman.
317
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,712
And I cannot imagine
you being interested
318
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,813
in anything as dull as business.
319
00:14:09,814 --> 00:14:12,216
How very gallant,
Mr. Hitchcock.
320
00:14:12,217 --> 00:14:14,518
Ernest, please.
I beg you.
321
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,687
Well, shall we get started,
Mr. Hitchcock?
322
00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:19,089
Uh, there are ladies
present, Tate.
323
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:21,892
Let's chat a while, hm?
324
00:14:21,893 --> 00:14:23,794
Hepzibah.
325
00:14:23,795 --> 00:14:25,028
Hepzibah.
326
00:14:25,029 --> 00:14:27,464
What a lovely name.
Biblical?
327
00:14:27,465 --> 00:14:29,466
Hardly.
328
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:33,237
So you're from out of town.
Where, may I ask, my dear?
329
00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:35,839
Oh! She's lived all over.
330
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:38,208
Yes. Uh,
Mr. Hitchcock, if...
331
00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:40,377
If you'll take a look
at the pre... Presentation...
332
00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:42,279
As soon as I can
take my eyes off
333
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,182
this lovely and incredibly
beautiful creature.
334
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,619
So you're a world traveler.
335
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,588
Perhaps you've used my airlines.
336
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,990
The regal bird
with the silver beak?
337
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,161
We are pleased with this man.
338
00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:00,631
He has quality.
339
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:04,167
Uh, the feeling is mutual.
340
00:15:04,168 --> 00:15:05,635
Perhaps we can discuss it
at lunch.
341
00:15:05,636 --> 00:15:06,970
Delighted.
342
00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:09,440
The thing is, I only made
a reservation at Pavilion
343
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:10,441
for you and Darrin.
344
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:11,741
They're booked solid.
345
00:15:11,742 --> 00:15:13,343
How fortunate for us, Hepzibah.
346
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:14,478
We shall dine alone then.
347
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:15,919
Oh!
Come along.
348
00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:17,847
We'll see you after lunch.
349
00:15:17,848 --> 00:15:20,250
Your Majesty.
350
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:21,585
Have you ever been to Crete?
351
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:24,106
Not for centuries.
352
00:15:24,422 --> 00:15:25,989
[
]
353
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:26,990
What...?
354
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:30,127
What...?
355
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:32,129
What happened?
356
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:34,465
[BARKING]
357
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:36,766
[
]
358
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:37,934
How could you do it, Sam?
359
00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:39,103
How could you do it?
360
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,472
We... Well, I-I didn't
have any choice.
361
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,539
I mean, if Mr. Hitchcock
362
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:45,008
had said one rude word
to Hepzibah...
363
00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:46,543
and he was about to
364
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:48,245
why, she would've zapped him
365
00:15:48,246 --> 00:15:50,046
into an aardvark or something.
366
00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:51,248
But I wouldn't have minded
367
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:53,150
your turning him
into Mr. Nice Guy,
368
00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:55,519
but a lovesick adolescent
is overdoing it.
369
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,288
I didn't have time
for subtleties.
370
00:15:58,289 --> 00:15:59,456
[BOTH BARKING]
371
00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:00,824
Rowr!
372
00:16:03,528 --> 00:16:05,095
HEPZIBAH:
We are home.
373
00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:09,767
We are pleased to say we have
come to the conclusion
374
00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:12,403
that as a lower form of life,
375
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:16,173
some mortals are
not without charm.
376
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:17,708
Sweetheart.
377
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,410
Had you but an ounce
378
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,378
of Ernest's exquisite taste,
379
00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:25,316
you might be barely tolerable.
380
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,983
Well, if we're
playing the truth game,
381
00:16:26,984 --> 00:16:28,819
let me tell you something.
382
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:32,789
For raising your voice to us...
383
00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:34,324
another demerit.
384
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:38,562
Another demerit.
Another demerit.
385
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,364
I might as well
go for the jackpot.
386
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:43,200
I want you out of my house.
387
00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:46,437
And your puppy dogs
and your servants.
388
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:47,837
Out.
389
00:16:47,838 --> 00:16:49,806
You may be the almighty
of all witches,
390
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:52,042
but to me, you're
an almighty pain in the...
391
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,043
Darrin!
392
00:16:54,212 --> 00:16:57,814
Uh, he-he-he... He apo...
Apologizes, Your Majesty.
393
00:16:57,815 --> 00:16:59,015
[WHISPERS] Apologize.
394
00:16:59,016 --> 00:17:02,953
It is too late for you
to apologize.
395
00:17:02,954 --> 00:17:07,124
You have used up
your demerits...
396
00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:09,894
and our patience.
397
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,696
The marriage will be
dissolved at midnight.
398
00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:14,064
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
But... But...
399
00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:15,599
Go to your room.
400
00:17:20,338 --> 00:17:23,139
"The marriage will be
dissolved at midnight."
401
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:24,941
Boy, some nerve.
402
00:17:24,942 --> 00:17:27,611
I mean, how could she
dissolve our marriage?
403
00:17:27,612 --> 00:17:30,046
How? I'd just like
to know how.
404
00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:32,282
She could turn you
into an ex-husband.
405
00:17:32,283 --> 00:17:34,718
How? I'd just
like to know how.
406
00:17:34,719 --> 00:17:36,754
By dissolving you.
407
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,455
Now I know how.
408
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,894
Don't worry, sweetheart.
409
00:17:44,895 --> 00:17:47,164
I'll just talk her
into drumming me out
410
00:17:47,165 --> 00:17:48,499
of the witch world.
411
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,500
Uh, what does that mean?
412
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:51,135
Well, how should I know?
413
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:54,304
Uh, she'll probably recite
some mumbo jumbo and zap,
414
00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:56,273
I'll be just plain folks.
415
00:17:56,274 --> 00:17:58,776
Then it's none of
her business what I do.
416
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:00,777
And?
417
00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:03,514
Well, I don't know. It's
never been done before. I...
418
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,115
I suppose I'd lose my powers.
419
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:06,383
[
]
420
00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:08,018
Sam, I won't let you do it.
421
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:09,687
Isn't that what
you've always wanted?
422
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,655
Yes. No.
423
00:18:11,656 --> 00:18:15,492
I mean... I love you
for what you are.
424
00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:16,694
Well, I'd still be what I am.
425
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,930
I... I just wouldn't
have my powers.
426
00:18:19,931 --> 00:18:21,031
But that's a part of you.
427
00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:23,133
And I won't let you give it up.
428
00:18:23,134 --> 00:18:26,002
I won't let anything
or anybody change you
429
00:18:26,003 --> 00:18:27,270
or dissolve our marriage.
430
00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:29,606
Including the
High Priestess Hepzibah.
431
00:18:29,607 --> 00:18:31,475
And I'll get down on
my knees if I have to,
432
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:34,244
but I won't stop until
she accepts my apology.
433
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,282
Come on.
434
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:40,951
[
]
435
00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:42,152
[BOTH LAUGHING]
436
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:44,054
Ernest. You are
so amusing.
437
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,028
DARRIN:
Mr. Hitchcock.
438
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:54,097
This is a private audience.
439
00:18:54,098 --> 00:18:55,098
Oh. Please,
forgive me
440
00:18:55,099 --> 00:18:56,433
for dropping in unannounced,
441
00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:57,768
but I didn't want to lose touch
442
00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,202
with this lovely lady.
443
00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:01,004
And she's going away,
and she won't
444
00:19:01,005 --> 00:19:03,006
tell me where she's going.
445
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:04,742
HEPZIBAH:
Isn't it sweet?
446
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:07,077
She'll be leaving
for Salem in a few days.
447
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:08,245
Samantha.
448
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:12,683
Ah. Salem is beautiful
this time of the year.
449
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:15,552
Ernest, we are touched
by your devotion...
450
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:18,822
but, really, we will have
so little time to give you.
451
00:19:20,658 --> 00:19:24,862
I'll be staying at
the Hawthorne Hotel. And you?
452
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,597
We will be...
453
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,101
Calling you when we are free.
454
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,838
Good night, beautiful creature.
455
00:19:34,839 --> 00:19:36,106
Good night.
456
00:19:36,107 --> 00:19:39,042
[
]
457
00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:40,277
Goodbye.
458
00:19:40,278 --> 00:19:42,838
SAMANTHA: Mr. Hitchcock.
DARRIN: Bye.
459
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:48,518
Mortals can sometimes
be endearing.
460
00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:51,621
They can grow on one.
461
00:19:51,622 --> 00:19:54,424
Perhaps we have been too rash.
462
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:57,595
Perhaps we should study
the species a while longer
463
00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:00,797
before passing
any major decision.
464
00:20:04,101 --> 00:20:08,238
The "dissolvement" of
the marriage is canceled.
465
00:20:09,407 --> 00:20:12,609
Oh. Thank you,
Your Majesty.
466
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:16,780
A-and Darrin, uh,
can come to Salem?
467
00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:18,682
Out of the question.
No mortal.
468
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:21,585
You mean...
469
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:24,554
You mean, Ernest is one of us?
470
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:27,457
And Darrin Stephens
471
00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:29,927
may come to Salem.
472
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,361
Touch?, my dear.
473
00:20:33,063 --> 00:20:34,731
But remember this:
474
00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:36,332
There is a vast difference
475
00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:40,537
between playing with
a mortal and marrying it.
476
00:20:41,706 --> 00:20:45,308
With all due respect,
Your Majesty...
477
00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:47,677
don't knock it
till you've tried it.
478
00:20:47,678 --> 00:20:49,579
[
]
479
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,021
[
]
480
00:20:58,022 --> 00:21:02,292
Prepare the ancestral grounds
for our arrival.
481
00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:04,294
Away.
482
00:21:04,295 --> 00:21:07,164
You too, Caesar and Cleopatra.
483
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,032
[BOTH BARKING]
484
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,301
Now... Now, now, now, now.
None of that.
485
00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:12,936
Mommy will be along any moment.
486
00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:13,971
[BOTH WHIMPERING]
487
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:19,342
Your Majesty, uh,
488
00:21:19,343 --> 00:21:21,344
if your arm isn't
too tired from waving,
489
00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:23,047
uh, we'd certainly
appreciate having
490
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,381
the house back the way it was.
491
00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:27,885
Nonsense. It is
our gift to you.
492
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,320
Well, Your Majesty,
we really don't deserve it.
493
00:21:30,321 --> 00:21:32,622
I mean, after the trouble
we've caused you.
494
00:21:32,623 --> 00:21:33,903
Quite right.
495
00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:38,061
Ugh.
496
00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:40,263
Well...
497
00:21:40,264 --> 00:21:42,465
we will be on our way.
498
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,236
Take care of our Samantha.
499
00:21:46,237 --> 00:21:48,738
[MENACINGLY] We're warning you.
500
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:56,647
Hepzibah will be watching.
501
00:22:00,351 --> 00:22:02,586
Terrific.
How could she know
502
00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:04,153
my mother gave us that?
503
00:22:04,154 --> 00:22:06,389
[DOORBELL RINGS]
504
00:22:06,390 --> 00:22:09,025
[
]
505
00:22:11,061 --> 00:22:12,095
Larry!
506
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,263
Sam. Darrin, heh.
507
00:22:14,264 --> 00:22:16,165
Uh, forgive me for
dropping in unannounced,
508
00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:17,834
but, uh, I was on my way
to the office,
509
00:22:17,835 --> 00:22:18,935
and I just dropped by to...
510
00:22:18,936 --> 00:22:21,104
What happened to
your redecorating?
511
00:22:21,105 --> 00:22:24,007
Uh, well, uh, A-Aunt Hepzibah
turned out
512
00:22:24,008 --> 00:22:25,409
to be an Indian giver.
513
00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:28,045
When she left, she took
Windsor Castle with her.
514
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,713
So we... We just brought
the other stuff
515
00:22:29,714 --> 00:22:31,248
down from the attic.
516
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,183
Oh.
517
00:22:33,184 --> 00:22:35,119
Darrin, how did you manage it?
518
00:22:36,187 --> 00:22:37,287
Well, we, uh...
519
00:22:37,288 --> 00:22:38,789
We got a couple
of moving men, and...
520
00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:40,657
I mean, how did you
manage to talk Hitchcock
521
00:22:40,658 --> 00:22:43,026
into going to Salem with you?
522
00:22:43,027 --> 00:22:45,996
Oh, that. I'd rather not
talk about it, Larry.
523
00:22:48,165 --> 00:22:49,800
Then you tell me, Sam.
524
00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:51,568
The genius is so modest.
525
00:22:52,804 --> 00:22:54,404
Well, all... All right.
526
00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:58,241
The "genius" said to himself:
527
00:22:58,242 --> 00:23:01,612
"What would Larry do
if he were in my place?"
528
00:23:01,613 --> 00:23:02,913
Good, good.
529
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:04,881
And when he saw
Mr. Hitchcock
530
00:23:04,882 --> 00:23:06,950
making eyes at Hepzibah, well...
531
00:23:06,951 --> 00:23:07,885
Yeah, yeah?
532
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:09,953
He decided to play matchmaker.
533
00:23:09,954 --> 00:23:12,322
You son of a gun.
534
00:23:12,323 --> 00:23:13,590
[LAUGHING]
535
00:23:17,595 --> 00:23:19,062
What happened to the vase?
536
00:23:20,698 --> 00:23:22,198
Well, it, uh...
537
00:23:22,199 --> 00:23:25,134
It broke when we were
moving things back.
538
00:23:25,135 --> 00:23:27,203
It's easily replaced. Hm.
539
00:23:27,204 --> 00:23:29,673
Oh. Well, I...
I'd better run.
540
00:23:29,674 --> 00:23:31,074
I'm late for an appointment.
541
00:23:31,075 --> 00:23:32,175
Bye-bye.
542
00:23:32,176 --> 00:23:33,977
[
]
543
00:23:33,978 --> 00:23:35,244
[CLEARS THROAT]
544
00:23:41,252 --> 00:23:42,585
[SIGHS]
545
00:23:42,586 --> 00:23:44,867
"Hepzibah
will be watching."
546
00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:47,691
[MAGIC CHIMES]
547
00:23:47,692 --> 00:23:49,893
[
]
548
00:23:55,132 --> 00:23:56,466
Oh, just one more thing.
549
00:23:56,467 --> 00:23:57,534
If you need me in Salem
550
00:23:57,535 --> 00:23:59,636
to help with Hitchcock,
feel free.
551
00:23:59,637 --> 00:24:01,757
Oh, well...
Yeah. Heh-heh.
552
00:24:02,507 --> 00:24:04,307
[
]
553
00:24:09,513 --> 00:24:12,249
The vase.
What happened?
554
00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:15,319
Well, um...
555
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,688
I told you it was
easily replaced.
556
00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:19,055
Oh.
557
00:24:24,628 --> 00:24:25,795
[DOOR CLOSES]
558
00:24:25,796 --> 00:24:26,964
[CHUCKLES]
559
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,631
Uh, just one more thing.
560
00:24:28,632 --> 00:24:30,901
Uh, what about the spell
on Hitchcock?
561
00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:32,602
Oh, I'll fix that.
562
00:24:32,603 --> 00:24:34,872
After we get back from Salem.
563
00:24:34,873 --> 00:24:37,341
[
]
564
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:46,817
[
]
565
00:24:46,867 --> 00:24:51,417
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