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1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:03,635
( upbeat blues theme playing )
2
00:00:21,887 --> 00:00:23,454
Greetings,
losers.
3
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:24,856
Bob has hit
a new low.
4
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,092
I didn't think
that was possible.
5
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,827
Let me finish.
6
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,996
Do you know who the biggest
moron in the world is?
7
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:34,766
I'm not gonna need any of
my lifelines to answer that.
8
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,766
It's my cousin, Ralphie.
9
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:38,302
Till he was 28, he had to wear
a helmet around the house.
10
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:39,404
But I just found out
the idiot
11
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,540
made 2 million bucks
in the stock market.
12
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,808
Why do you care?
13
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:43,675
I care because he just bought
14
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:44,842
a house in the Hamptons,
15
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,778
and I'm stuck here with
you two in Loserland.
16
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,046
Hey, hey.
17
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,748
You speak for yourself.
We're doing just fine.
18
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:50,749
Fine?
19
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,616
This is the colon
of New York.
20
00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:56,221
You're hawking papers,
and she's, hm-- Well, come on.
21
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,458
Okay, now I'm depressed.
22
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:00,958
So I'm walking to work,
23
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,426
I don't get two blocks
down the street,
24
00:01:02,428 --> 00:01:04,596
before this school of bums
descends on me
25
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,431
like pigeons
on a bag of popcorn.
26
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,732
You know, I finally
had to say:
27
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,267
"Hey, I don't give handouts,
28
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:12,504
but I've got a finger
I'd like to give you."
29
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,273
No one wants to hear about
your petty bourgeois problems.
30
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,442
Yeah, Becker,
stuff a sock in it.
31
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,311
Why the hate?
32
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,013
Because I'm stuck
in a dead-end job.
33
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,049
Hey, I'd give anything
for a dead-end job.
34
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:27,385
Oh, speaking of dead-end jobs,
Reg, coffee to go, please.
35
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:31,223
Yeah. I used to have
some self-esteem once.
36
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,957
Wait a second.
37
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,192
Bob just came up
with a way for us
38
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,428
to reverse the course
of our miserable lives.
39
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,895
Well, not all of us, Jake.
40
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,531
I can't work miracles.
41
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,099
Why don't we invest
in the market?
42
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,368
Because we know nothing
about the market.
43
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,636
Hey, we know less
than nothing.
44
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,304
Come on. If my helmet-head
cousin can do it,
45
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,372
how tough could it be?
46
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,141
We pick a hot stock,
clench our butt cheeks,
47
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,075
and pray for a winner.
48
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,412
Isn't that the Merrill Lynch
slogan?
49
00:01:55,848 --> 00:01:57,782
And why would we
do this with you?
50
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,217
Because if I hit it big,
51
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,852
it'll kill you that
you didn't get in on it.
52
00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:03,087
He's right.
It would kill me.
53
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,589
All right, I'm in.
54
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:07,692
To add the final nail
in the coffin I call my life,
55
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,893
me too.
56
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,061
Hey-hey.
How about you, doc?
57
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,429
You wanna kick in
a couple of bucks?
58
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:13,865
Bob, I don't give handouts,
but I got a finger--
59
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,567
All right,
all right.
60
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,636
I just thought you might
want to make a little cash.
61
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,270
Who knows? Maybe buy
yourself a new shirt.
62
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:27,478
( upbeat blues theme playing )
63
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,417
I can't read this word
on Mr. Pierson's chart.
64
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,585
What does it say?
65
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,619
"Hoagies?"
66
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,988
( whispers ):
It's "herpes."
67
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,257
Mr. Pierson has herpes?!
68
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,091
MARGARET:
Shh!
69
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:45,296
Mr. Pierson, you can
go back to Room Two.
70
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,365
There's only one patient
ahead of you.
71
00:02:56,107 --> 00:02:58,443
Listen, how much longer
is this gonna take?
72
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,412
'Cause when I told my boss
I needed a long lunch
73
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,347
to get a checkup,
he nearly had a cow.
74
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,050
But my wife Lorraine's been on
my ass to do this, even though
75
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,718
I keep telling her,
"Lorraine, I'm fine.
76
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,220
If I go to the doctor, he's
just gonna find something."
77
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,989
But does she back off?
Say "aah."
78
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,691
Aah.
79
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,925
Hell, no.
80
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:14,692
And I feel great.
81
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,827
Usual middle-age crap:
82
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,929
aches, pains,
a little heartburn.
83
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,397
But a pill and a burp,
and I'm fine.
84
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,032
I mean, nothing personal,
but the best way
85
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,301
to stay healthy is
don't go near doctors.
86
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,836
And hospitals?
Forget about it.
87
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,837
Go in for a cough,
88
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,372
they carry you out
in a body bag.
89
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,841
Take-- Take a deep breath,
please, and hold it.
90
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,108
Hold it?
91
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,910
Yeah, I need a moment
to hear myself think.
92
00:03:34,947 --> 00:03:36,414
Yeah, I know.
93
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,548
I talk a lot, but--
94
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,750
Shh, shh.
95
00:03:39,752 --> 00:03:41,285
What?
What's wrong?
96
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,257
I hear a whooshing
sound.
97
00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:50,395
Yeah. Sounds like
it's coming from a--
98
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,696
From a blood vessel.
99
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,400
You know something?
It's probably not serious,
100
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,202
but I'd like to get an MRI
to check it out.
101
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,670
I knew it.
102
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,805
Doctors always
find something.
103
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,440
Damn Lorraine.
104
00:04:03,475 --> 00:04:05,309
Look, I gotta go
back to work.
105
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,978
I'll get the test
next week or something.
106
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,780
I mean, you said
it's not serious, right?
107
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,081
Probably not,
but I'd like to
108
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,117
check it out
just to be sure.
109
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,252
Tell you what. Uh, my nurse
will set it up for you
110
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,554
right now, and you can go
straight over to the hospital.
111
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,823
Now?
Yeah, now.
112
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,060
( slow blues theme playing )
113
00:04:26,231 --> 00:04:28,132
( giggling )
114
00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:30,401
What is it?
115
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:31,736
I don't believe it.
116
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:35,140
This guy has a disease
called "Assburgers."
117
00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:38,610
That's "Asperger's."
118
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,813
Well, it's funnier if
you say "Assburgers."
119
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,182
It's not funny
at all.
120
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,018
It's a serious
behavioral disability.
121
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,786
Doctor Becker had to send
that patient
122
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,422
to a specialist downtown.
123
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,625
So the guy had
"Assburgers" to go?
124
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,093
( giggling )
125
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,763
Margaret, did the radiologist
call with the results
126
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,698
to Mr. D'Andrea's
MRI yet?
127
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,701
No. I called over there.
He's still waiting
128
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,168
to take the test.
They're really backed up.
129
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,671
Damn it, he was supposed to have
that test this morning.
130
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,840
Get on the phone and keep trying
to push it through, will you?
131
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,141
( giggling )
132
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,209
"Assburgers."
133
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,611
Linda.
134
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:16,348
I know. I'm horrible. I'll stop.
135
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,450
Good. Because it may sound
amusing, but it's not.
136
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,554
Do you have any idea how many
people have Asperger's?
137
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,924
Probably over
50 billion served.
138
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,325
( laughing )
139
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,260
( blues theme playing )
140
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,199
( connection ringing )
141
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:37,502
Okay, we're online,
and our account's set up,
142
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,069
and we're buying
50 shares
143
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,838
of the computer chip
company, right?
144
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,773
Let's do it.
Okay.
145
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:43,975
No!
146
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,309
Not again.
147
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,812
Come on, Bob, you can't
keep changing your mind.
148
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,781
We checked this company out.
It's solid.
149
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,981
Yeah, but it's too high-tech.
150
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,217
We should go the other way
and find something that appeals
151
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,120
to the common, uneducated
slob on the street.
152
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,121
You have our attention.
153
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:00,491
Give me the Post.
154
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,829
Aha! See?
155
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,598
Now, this is what
I'm talking about.
156
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,901
"One-Armed Man Marries
Three-Breasted Woman?"
157
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,837
That's gonna be one busy man.
158
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:13,938
( exhales )
159
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,373
No, this.
160
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,742
Some company's making an IMAX
movie on the life of Jesus.
161
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,011
I smell a winner.
Who doesn't love Jesus?
162
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,580
I don't believe the Romans
were too fond of him.
163
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:25,984
I say we go with
the computer company.
164
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,485
No, look. They're
building the theater
165
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,986
in Branson, Missouri.
166
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,855
That's like Dollywood,
but without the class.
167
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,224
Look, I'm-- I'm sick of arguing
about this, all right?
168
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,559
Let's just pick
a stock and get in.
169
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,859
( beeps )
170
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,064
Did I do what
I think I just did?
171
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,399
Yep.
172
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,601
Thanks to you, we just bought
50 shares of some company
173
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,371
called International
Allied Industries.
174
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,405
What do they do?
175
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,874
I have no idea,
but we own it.
176
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:53,444
Okay.
177
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,578
We're in
the stock market.
178
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,015
All right.
This is cool.
179
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,082
What's it doing?
180
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,984
Nothing. It's
just sitting there.
181
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,019
Sell!
182
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,656
( mellow blues theme playing )
183
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,426
( coin clinking )
184
00:07:22,207 --> 00:07:23,841
Yeah, don't screw with me.
185
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,082
Dr. Becker?
186
00:07:31,883 --> 00:07:33,251
You Dr. Becker?
187
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,052
Yeah.
188
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,419
What the hell's going on?
189
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,388
You're just sitting here
drinking coffee?
190
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,656
What are you talking about?
191
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,025
I'm talking about your patient,
Frank D'Andrea.
192
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,093
He comes to see you
for a routine checkup,
193
00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:45,797
you ship him off to
the hospital for some test,
194
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,965
he's stuck up there
waiting for hours.
195
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,667
Meanwhile, you're down here
drinking coffee.
196
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:51,569
Uh, is this how
you treat people?
197
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,238
Aren't you guys
supposed to be nice?
198
00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:58,776
I'm sorry, doctor.
I left my halo in the car.
199
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:01,145
Well, Father,
they're just a little
200
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,780
backed up
around here today.
201
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,782
Well, that's not helping
Frank, is it?
202
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:05,783
Where's your compassion?
203
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,551
The man's thinking
he's really sick.
204
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:08,886
He's afraid to
call his wife
205
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,354
because he doesn't
want to alarm her.
206
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,156
Nobody will give him
any information,
207
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,592
so he called me to see what
I could come over and find out.
208
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,326
Like I told Frank,
209
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:18,062
until I see the results
of his MRI,
210
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,664
there's nothing really
to talk about.
211
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,932
Oh, can't you doctors ever
give anybody a straight answer?
212
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,702
Look, I-I-I realize you priests
213
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,437
are obliged to come
to the hospital
214
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,172
and "make your rounds,"
so I'll tell you what,
215
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,907
why don't you just leave
your time card here.
216
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,341
I'll punch it, and then--
217
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,477
Then you can tell God
you were here.
218
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,346
You always such a smart-ass?
219
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:38,916
You know, Father,
I realize you're his priest,
220
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:40,384
but he's my patient,
221
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:42,386
so I really don't have to
tell you a damn thing.
222
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,387
Oh, yes, I know.
223
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,923
Well, without violating
your professional ethics,
224
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,825
or interrupting
your coffee break,
225
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,494
can you at least tell me if you
think it's something serious?
226
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,230
Yeah. It might be.
227
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:54,765
Oh, John, I apologize.
228
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,034
It's been crazy here today.
229
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,735
I've got D'Andrea's
film.
230
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,670
Let me take a look at it.
231
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,140
At first the MRI didn't seem
to reveal any abnormality.
232
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,508
It just looked
like a black hole.
233
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,843
Excuse me--
I know I heard something when I examined him.
234
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,578
Uh, an AVM
on the left side.
235
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:09,847
Doctor Becker--
That's why I ran an MR angio.
236
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,415
You were right.
237
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,584
The vessels lit up
like a Christmas tree.
238
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,686
Nice catch, John.
239
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,421
Thanks.
240
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:20,991
Are you gonna tell me
what's going on or not?
241
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,060
Look, I should really be
talking to my patient,
242
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,963
but if you want me to waste
my time talking to you, fine.
243
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,365
Tests show he has
an arteriovenous malformation.
244
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,767
In English.
245
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,102
In English, Father,
that means
246
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,403
he has a tangle of
blood vessels
247
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,138
in his brain that could
rupture at any moment
248
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,873
unless we operate immediately.
249
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:39,510
Now, if that's English enough
for you, then please excuse me.
250
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,012
( mellow blues theme playing )
251
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,585
( upbeat blues theme playing )
252
00:09:53,691 --> 00:09:54,892
I've been up
all night.
253
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:56,093
I can't take
the pressure.
254
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,962
As soon as the market opens,
we gotta sell.
255
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,364
Sell? Our stock only dropped
half a point yesterday.
256
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,866
Oh, sure, that's
easy for you to say.
257
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,301
I work hard
for that money.
258
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,102
Your mother gave you
that money.
259
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,470
Hey. Until you've
tried to pry
260
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,005
a buck out of those
arthritic fingers,
261
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:09,840
you don't know what work is.
262
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,076
Relax, Bob.
263
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,144
The company is solid.
I did some research.
264
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,514
It says right here:
it's a multinational,
265
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,581
vertically integrated,
266
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,250
cross-platform service
conglomerate.
267
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,217
Yeah.
268
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,588
What does that mean?
269
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,155
It's multinational.
270
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,156
Mm-hm.
271
00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:27,257
And vertical.
272
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,028
( beeps )
273
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,729
Okay. The market's open.
274
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,164
Here we go.
275
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:35,933
Nineteen and a half.
We're up.
276
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,735
Ha-ha. And you
were worried.
277
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,571
Hold it.
It's down. I knew it. Sell it!
278
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,139
No, it just went up
two points.
279
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,941
Oh, my God,
I don't believe it.
280
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,543
Heh, we're on a roll.
Heh-heh.
281
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,844
I know.
If it keeps this up,
282
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,347
my days of schlepping food
in this dump may soon be over.
283
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,414
Heh-heh. Can you imagine?
284
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,884
Get all new appliances,
maybe fix the place up, huh?
285
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,018
Fix it up?
286
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,652
Heh. I'm gonna walk away
from it
287
00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:57,855
and leave it burning
behind me.
288
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,591
Well, you will tell me
when you do that, won't you?
289
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,328
It's up another point.
290
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,596
I love this.
291
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,765
I'm sitting on my ass
and making money. Ha!
292
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,133
All my dreams
are coming true.
293
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,869
Well...not all of them.
294
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:16,473
You know, they say money is
the greatest aphrodisiac.
295
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,075
No, that's alcohol.
296
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,346
And trust me, there isn't
enough of it in the world.
297
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,247
( laughs )
298
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:26,350
( upbeat blues theme playing )
299
00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:32,056
( knock on door )
300
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,691
Got a minute?
301
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,992
What are you doing here?
302
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,429
I just came by to apologize
for yesterday.
303
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,497
I didn't mean to--
304
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,898
Get in my face?
305
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,467
Not my intent. But again,
306
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,403
if it came off that way,
I'm sorry.
307
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,671
Apology accepted.
308
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,974
Well, that's all
I came by to say.
309
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,043
I'm going
to the hospital.
310
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,311
Hey.
311
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,712
Frank just went into surgery.
312
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,114
It's gonna be several hours.
313
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,616
You know, Dr. Levinson is
an excellent neurosurgeon.
314
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,051
He's-- He's in good hands.
315
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,753
I know.
He's in God's hands.
316
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,488
Yeah, well, unless God
went to Johns Hopkins,
317
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,924
I think I'll stick
with Bob Levinson.
318
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,392
Whatever.
319
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,661
Yeah, w-wait a second.
Wait a second.
320
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,463
Why do you guys
always say that?
321
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,598
You know,
"In God's hands."
322
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,966
What-- What does
that really mean?
323
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,667
It gives people comfort.
324
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,303
Patients need to find meaning
in what they're going through.
325
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,638
What if there
is no meaning?
326
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,939
What if it's
all just random?
327
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,307
Random?
328
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,942
Well, God got him to you
on time, didn't he?
329
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,577
I wouldn't call that random.
Oh, come on.
330
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,379
What, you don't think God
looks out for people?
331
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:29,647
Oh, please,
that's just a story
332
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,949
you tell a kid who's
afraid of the dark.
333
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:32,950
Interesting.
334
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,384
With one swipe
of your tongue,
335
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:38,188
you just reduced 2,000 years
of faith to a bedtime story.
336
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,858
You know, I happen to know
a lot of religious doctors.
337
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,626
I know a lot of
alcoholic doctors.
338
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:44,796
It doesn't make heavy drinking
a good idea.
339
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,798
Oh, come on. Father,
340
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,066
the guy comes in for
a routine physical,
341
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,102
the next day he's having
brain surgery.
342
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,070
You know, where--
Where's the meaning there?
343
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,306
I don't pretend to
understand God's plan.
344
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,907
Plan? What--?
What plan?
345
00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:58,776
I mean, you hear these stories
all the time.
346
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,812
Some guy has it all, you know:
wife, kids, job.
347
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,781
Next thing you know,
he walks out his front door,
348
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,716
and God drops
a piano on his head.
349
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,050
You know, some plan.
350
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,620
Sounds more like
premeditated murder to me.
351
00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,857
Sure you don't want to
collect your thoughts
352
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,459
and get back to me?
353
00:13:16,761 --> 00:13:18,930
You know, maybe we shouldn't
have this discussion.
354
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,098
Oh, please.
I've been a priest 30 years.
355
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,000
You think there's some form
of "I don't believe"
356
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:24,635
I haven't heard?
357
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,205
Think I'm gonna lift my skirts,
jump on that desk and scream:
358
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,006
"Eek, an atheist"?
359
00:13:29,807 --> 00:13:31,608
And actually, I became
an atheist.
360
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,644
I was raised agnostic.
361
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,948
Don't you believe in giving
your patients hope?
362
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,216
Uh, yeah, I don't believe
in giving them false hope.
363
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:40,917
What kind of hope
did you give Frank?
364
00:13:40,919 --> 00:13:43,454
Or did you just hit him
with that "piano" thing?
365
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,657
I told him that-- That
he should try not to worry.
366
00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:49,927
That they've had a lot of
success with this procedure.
367
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,264
Wow. I'll bet that filled
him with confidence.
368
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:57,435
So, what are his chances?
369
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,736
They're-- They're
pretty good, actually.
370
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:02,173
You know, if all goes well.
But it doesn't always.
371
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,442
You know? He could have
a hemorrhage during surgery,
372
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,877
he could stroke out, even die.
373
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,546
I've seen it happen before.
374
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,414
And then the family
sits around in shock,
375
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,548
because someone told them
376
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,284
that God would take care
of their loved ones.
377
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,886
And then I'm stuck
trying to explain
378
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,787
why God didn't come through.
379
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,488
Must be difficult.
380
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,091
You're damned right it is.
381
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,858
Would you like to
talk about it?
382
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,927
Oh, boy.
383
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,062
Yeah, you know something,
384
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,930
Father, you-- You work
your side of the street,
385
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,132
I-I'll work mine.
386
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,266
You got it.
387
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:32,970
You know, you remind me
of that old joke:
388
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:35,705
Know what the difference is
between doctors and God?
389
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:38,808
God doesn't think
he's a doctor.
390
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:42,880
Hey, you know,
I got news for you.
391
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,848
If he comes out of surgery,
and the first thing he sees
392
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,585
is a priest, he's not exactly
gonna be filled with confidence.
393
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:52,022
Oh, they are building you...
( door closes )
394
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,491
a condo in hell
even as we speak.
395
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,829
( mellow blues theme playing )
396
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,702
Done, done and done.
397
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:07,571
We are now fully
computerized.
398
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,274
Every single patient
up to and including
399
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:11,942
that guy with
"Assburgers."
400
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,777
Linda.
401
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:16,580
Oh, there's something wrong.
402
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,081
I can't get into the file.
403
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,251
That's because
I changed the password.
404
00:15:21,452 --> 00:15:23,587
Would you like to tell me
the new password?
405
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,555
I don't know.
406
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,290
What if it fell
into the wrong hands?
407
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,426
It started in the wrong hands.
408
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,563
Well, okay, but you're
not gonna like it.
409
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,131
Linda, what is
the password?
410
00:15:34,999 --> 00:15:36,867
Assburgers.
411
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,039
You gotta admit,
you'll never forget it.
412
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,908
Margaret, I'm gonna
take off early.
413
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,210
I wanna get to the hospital
before Frank D'Andrea
414
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,811
gets out of surgery.
415
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:49,380
( giggling )
416
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,583
"Assburgers."
That is kind of funny.
417
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,420
Are you talking about
Asperger's syndrome?
418
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,455
Is that what
you're laughing at?
419
00:15:58,457 --> 00:15:59,523
Margaret, I'm surprised
at you.
420
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:00,791
That's a very serious illness.
421
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,926
Yeah, Margaret.
Really.
422
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,262
( door opens )
423
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,566
( upbeat blues theme playing )
424
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,871
This world of
high finance,
425
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,506
it's just like sex
with my ex-wife.
426
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,174
You're up, you're down,
you're in, you're out,
427
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,676
you're never quite sure
when it's over,
428
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,112
but in the end you know
it's gonna cost you money.
429
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,646
I can't listen.
430
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,381
I just can't listen
to him anymore.
431
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,916
Just sell the damn stock.
432
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,218
Gladly.
433
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,452
( beeps )
434
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,221
Okay, Bob, you can stop
crying. We're out.
435
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,022
Whoo. What a thrill ride.
436
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,123
How'd we do?
437
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:35,459
Let's see.
438
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:38,295
Less commission...
we've made a profit
439
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,065
of $17.50 apiece.
440
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,000
I'm ahead $17.50?
441
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,035
Bob is hot.
442
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,970
Who wants to go to
Atlantic City?
443
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,604
Three-hour bus ride
444
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,174
to watch you wet yourself
at a blackjack table?
445
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,175
Fine.
446
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,509
I'll take Mom.
447
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,345
It'd be good for her to
get a little fresh air.
448
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,047
That reminds me.
I have to change her tank.
449
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,419
Well, so much for
getting rich quick, huh?
450
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:06,189
Oh, my God.
451
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,192
That IMAX Jesus movie
that Bob wanted to invest in?
452
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,694
They got taken over
by Disney.
453
00:17:11,929 --> 00:17:13,230
Disney bought Jesus?
454
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:18,835
Yeah, and it just
went up 28 points.
455
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:21,172
Bob knew this,
it would kill him.
456
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,706
I'll try to catch him.
457
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,749
( upbeat blues theme playing )
458
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:36,687
( indistinct PA announcement )
459
00:17:42,326 --> 00:17:43,693
Where's your God now?
460
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:55,572
It shouldn't be
too much longer.
461
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,074
( sighs )
462
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,509
Dr. Levinson
said he'd page me
463
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,377
as soon as Frank's
out of surgery.
464
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:01,812
You mind if I wait in here?
465
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,780
I've been with
Frank's wife all afternoon,
466
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:07,217
and to tell you the truth,
she's driving me nuts.
467
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,586
Thought you people were
supposed to like everyone.
468
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,922
It's not always easy.
469
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:14,892
Tell me about it.
470
00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:18,662
( indistinct PA announcement )
471
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:24,001
Well, this is stupid.
472
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,637
We could at least
have a conversation.
473
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,873
We could, as long as
it's not about religion.
474
00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:32,343
You like sports?
475
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,610
Yeah. Yeah, I like football.
476
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,946
Used to play
a little in college.
477
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:36,814
Yeah, I like it too.
Mm-hm.
478
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:37,948
Every once in a while
I go back
479
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,917
and catch
the Harvard-Yale game. Oh.
480
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,552
Watch 'em kick their Yalie
asses back to New Haven.
481
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,054
Hm.
482
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:44,955
I went to Yale.
483
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:51,629
Okay. New subject.
484
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,364
( sighs )
So are you married?
485
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,632
Divorced twice.
486
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,800
There's a shocker.
487
00:18:58,602 --> 00:19:00,236
Okay. New subject.
488
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,875
He does nice work,
doesn't he?
489
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,677
I thought we weren't
gonna talk about God.
490
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,145
We aren't.
491
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,648
Those came from
Dr. Hilborn upstairs.
492
00:19:15,019 --> 00:19:16,387
Well, I think maybe we should
493
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,190
just go back to
sitting here quietly.
494
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,591
Works for me.
495
00:19:22,893 --> 00:19:24,160
Although I gotta
say something.
496
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:26,330
You know...you're not
just one of those
497
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,565
light-a-candle-and-run
kind of priests.
498
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:30,500
I mean, you're really here
for this guy.
499
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,668
You're helping his family.
500
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,003
You obviously--
You obviously care a lot.
501
00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:37,107
Well, Frank's not just
a member of my parish.
502
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,076
He happens to be my brother.
503
00:19:41,812 --> 00:19:44,114
You mean, like in a...
504
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,917
"All men are brothers"
kind of way?
505
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:51,655
No, like in a, "We had the same
mother and father" kind of way.
506
00:19:52,990 --> 00:19:55,158
Oh, wow.
507
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,660
Oh, jeez.
I feel like such a--
508
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,963
Schmuck?
509
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,096
You know,
you could have told me.
510
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:01,665
Would it have
made any difference?
511
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:02,432
Yeah. I wouldn't
have been
512
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:03,667
so blunt about
his condition.
513
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:04,834
I would have lied
a little bit
514
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,303
so you wouldn't
have to be so worried.
515
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:07,304
That's what I figured.
516
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:08,505
So you tricked me?
517
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,574
Yeah. I needed
to know the truth.
518
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,209
Oh, man. All--
519
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:14,978
All this time we've--
We've been arguing,
520
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,214
you're worried
about your brother.
521
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,049
Well, screaming at you
helped me
522
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,384
take my mind off things.
523
00:20:22,086 --> 00:20:23,520
Still feel like
a schmuck.
524
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,289
That's okay.
I forgive you.
525
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,457
Like you have
a choice.
526
00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:30,694
( pager beeps )
527
00:20:34,098 --> 00:20:36,032
It's Dr. Levinson.
I'll be right back.
528
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:38,669
( indistinct PA announcement )
529
00:20:41,606 --> 00:20:42,773
It's Becker.
530
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,012
Thank you very much.
531
00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:54,318
He's fine.
532
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,586
He's fine.
533
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,622
Surgery was
a complete success.
534
00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:00,124
No complications.
535
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:02,393
Prognosis is
excellent.
536
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,728
Thank God.
537
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:10,300
And thank you.
538
00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:12,936
Well...at least
I got a mention.
539
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:16,272
Look, he's
gonna be, uh--
540
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,475
He's gonna be in recovery
for a while. If you don't mind,
541
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:20,743
I'm gonna go grab a cigarette
before I talk to his wife.
542
00:21:20,745 --> 00:21:21,745
You'll need it.
543
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,382
Listen, do you mind
if I join you?
544
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,084
Do you smoke?
545
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:29,119
You know, it's the one vice
they still allow me.
546
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,287
That's interesting,
Father.
547
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,355
Cigarettes
kill you.
548
00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:32,856
I-I wonder why
God made them.
549
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,858
Yeah, yeah. He works
in mysterious ways.
550
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,360
Just shut up.
551
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,595
( mellow blues theme playing )
552
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,368
( upbeat blues theme playing )
553
00:21:44,418 --> 00:21:48,968
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