All language subtitles for Gremlins 2 The New Batch 1990

Stop the music!

- What's up, duck?
- What's up?! I'll tell you what's up.

I'm taking charge
here, that's what's up.

Fifty years of you hogging
the spotlight is enough.

I am riding the shield from now on...

...because I, personally, have
all the talent around here.

Okay, mac, let's take it from the top.

Okay, far enough.

Now then. Camera! Music! Sound!

Oh-ho. Very funny.

You may expect to
hear from my attorneys.

If I'm not gonna star in this
cartoon, let's just start the movie.

Roll them!

Mr. Wing?

Daniel Clamp would like to speak to you.

Good morning, Mr. Wing. Let's
cut right to key issues, okay?

I'll increase my offer substantially.

You're attached to your
business. I appreciate that.

I'm attached to mine. I develop
the biggest buildings in New York.

And you sell...

...little things.
That's fine. Take a look.

"The Clamp Chinatown Centre,
where business gets Oriented. "

You're the only holdout.
Here's what I'll do for you:

A newsstand and souvenir
concession in the atrium.

This building will be modern...

...from voice-activated elevators
to self-cleaning ashtrays.

I'm really excited about it,
and I'd hate to see you miss out.

Please, let us know when
you've made a decision.

You know, I believe there's
always an area of agreement...

...that two people can reach.

Yes. A man can always agree with others.

It is more difficult
to agree with oneself.

That's very charming.

Confucius...

...or Bruce Lee?

I'm sorry. Please tell Mr. Clamp...

...that the answer is still no.

Please...

...keep the TV.

TV!

Rambo.

To survive a war, you gotta become war.

Television again.

An invention for fools!

I'm sorry that didn't work out.
Mr. Clamp's offer was generous.

Did you hear that
cough? He's an antique.

We can wait.

I'm Daniel Clamp. No New
York visit is complete...

...without touring the world's
most automated building:

Clamp Premiere Regency Trade
Centre and Retail Concourse.

Headquarters of Clamp Enterprises...

...and CCN, Clamp Cable Network.

Mr. Wing's death removes
the last obstacle...

...to developer Daniel
Clamp's long-delayed project.

This quaint shop, which once
housed rare Oriental objects...

...now makes way for the
future, Daniel Clamp style.

Lewis, it's like I've always said:

"If you want to find something
weird, you have to go downtown. "

The Futtermans come to town tomorrow.

Mr. Futterman must be
better if he can travel.

His wife says he is
better. He was just rattled.

Having monsters drive a snowplow
through your house will do that.

Well, he was almost killed.

- These people are so rude!
- Honey, what time is it?

God, we're late. There's a cab.

- You going airport?
- No. Actually, I'm just...

After all this time, I'm
still in the same job.

It takes time, Billy.

In Kingston Falls, I'd have been
promoted twice at the bank by now.

Yeah, and you'd hate it.

At least we could afford a
decent place to live. Get married.

Welcome to the Clamp Entry-matic...

...a revolution in revolving
door precision and efficiency.

Please be careful in stepping in
and out and have a powerful day.

That's the story of the Clamp
Premiere Regency Centre...

...where one man's
dream became a reality.

I hope you enjoyed
today's tour. Don't forget:

Pick up Mr. Clamp's best-selling
book, I Took Manhattan...

...on sale right here at
our newsstand for only 19.95.

And in our gift store...

- Don't let them get to you.
- I won't.

Billy, you're so good at your job.
Sooner or later, they'll notice.

- Maybe then we can get married.
- Okay, hon.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Marla, the first plan...
- The deadline's not my fault.

They make me miserable, so I make
you miserable. It's a disaster.

They changed the specs
and the deadline...

See, this is your problem right here.
You only see your little part of it.

I need a complete situational,
long-term, overview perspective.

It's almost finished. I just
have a few adjustments...

The courtyard looks cold.
It'd be better with trees.

- Will they plant trees?
- No. But draw them.

- But the...
- Elms.

- But the shrubbery looks...
- This attitude doesn't work for me.

Good morning, Mr. Forster.

It looks like somebody hasn't read
his employee manual. Doesn't it, Mr...

Peltzer... Peltzer?

- Unauthorized potted plant.
- I told him about it weeks ago.

- I talked to you about that plant!
- I know. I was gonna...

Possible aphid infestation.

- What's this?
- That's Kingston Falls. My hometown.

Do you know how much the
Clamp organization has spent...

...to provide its employees
with art by recognized artists...

...at this facility? Eye-pleasing,
color-coordinated, authorized.

- But it was just a little...
- A little touch. I know.

Maybe everybody here
wants to do a little touch.

Coffee mugs that say,
"World's Greatest Lover. "

The ashtray that reads, "Rest Your
Butt Here. " You'd like that, right?

Coming to work every
day in a $200,000,000...

...flea market.

Billy, this is just what
I don't need right now.

The department review's in three weeks.

- I just felt that...
- It's a nuclear meltdown disaster.

- Marla, I am doing the best I can.
- Billy, do me a favor.

Do better!

We've got a low corrosivity reading.

Give me a wave form on temps.

Mr. Forster, I have a
potential violator, sir.

That's an unauthorized break period,
friend. You don't work here anymore.

Do we have a problem communicating?
You're gone. Terminated.

End of medical benefits, that's
right. Clean out the desk, one hour.

And thanks so much.

Very nice, Frances.

Alert personnel. We have a
career opportunity in level seven.

Clamp Centre is the most advanced
"smart building" in America...

...with the latest in security,
communications and climate control.

It's just one part of Mr. Clamp's
worldwide business network...

...which includes
construction, sports, finance...

...and a popular line
ofjams and jellies.

For those with cable TV at home...

...CCN is located right
here in the building.

The Attack of the Octopus People.

That's tonight's movie.
And, boy, is it scary.

It's so scary, it'll uncross your eyes.

It's a good thing that your
Grandpa Fred is here to protect you.

- Where's the moan?
- The what?

There's supposed to be a
moan here from the coffin.

Then I say, "Renfield,
you want more flies?"

And then I go over
to the coffin and I...

Sorry, Fred.

- Hey, Fred.
- Oh, hi, Billy.

I heard about your new time slot.
They're making a big mistake.

Mistake? Kid, it's a disaster.

People who watch TV at 3:30
a. m. Don't fear the Wolfman.

What scares them is getting
sober and finding work.

- Look.
- Watch it with that thing.

- Isn't that great?
- Sure.

- You could use it on your show.
- Sure. Put it in the back, will you?

Frankly, kid...

...this isn't what I had in mind.

I went into broadcasting, I
thought I was gonna do news...

...public affairs...

...something meaningful.

I don't even have a gimmick.

No special effects.

All I have is a cross-eyed
puppet named Igor.

The elevator doors have opened.

You should run classic horror
movies, like Frankenstein or Dracula.

Great horror movies are in black and
white. Mr. Clamp only likes color.

That guy's strange.

- Have you seen him?
- Not in person.

Only on that cockamamie
video they got all over.

Look at this building. You know
what kind of tenants they have now?

There's a genetic research
laboratory upstairs.

Fooling around with animals.

Last week, they took out a
patent on a new kind of gerbil.

People think I'm creepy.

- Can I help you?
- Yeah.

- I got a delivery for Dr. Catheter.
- I can sign for it.

What kind of stuff do
they do in there anyway?

We're not supposed to talk about it.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

- Dr. Catheter, this just came for you.
- Splendid. This must be my malaria.

Just rabies. I've got rabies. I'm
supposed to get the flu this week.

I think we have the flu on back order.

- Could I have that, Peggy?
- Oh, yes. Sure.

Thank you.

Back order. Back order. All a
man wants is some fresh germs.

Casper, have this tissue analyzed.

I am calm and centered.
I enjoy giving milk.

- Martin.
- Hello, doctor.

- How's the cloning coming along?
- Really well.

- Lewis.
- We got something for you to look at.

It's interesting. I found it
downtown on my specimen scout.

It's some sort of rodent, apparently.
And it seems allergic to bright light.

- Cute, isn't it?
- That may be genetic.

- We're not sure yet.
- We're not sure.

Watch this, doctor.

Well, I'm ready, I'm
willing and I'm able

To rock 'n' roll all night

I'm ready, I'm willing and I'm able

To rock 'n' roll all night

Come on, pretty baby

We're gonna rock, we're gonna
roll Till the broad daylight

Because I'm ready, mm-hm

And I'm able, mm-hm

I'm willing and I'm able So
you better come and go with me

He likes this music?

- Yes.
- It's his favorite.

Till tomorrow 'bout 3

Not so fast, my boy.

- You nearly let him get away.
- Sorry, sir.

- How do you plan to proceed?
- Cell samples tomorrow.

- Tissue cultures Thursday.
- And then there's body structure.

And for that, my little friend...

...we'll just have to cut you.

I can't believe she told me to put
trees on that drawing. It just...

My light went out.

You sat still, so the building
thinks you left. Jump around.

Okay, hold on.

You're right, I need... Hello? Hello?

Honey? Hello? Kate, are you there? Kate?

Nothing works around here.

Excuse me? Where'd you hear that?

- What?
- That music. Where'd you hear it?

Oh, uh, da-da,
da-da-da-da.

- Isn't that by Sting?
- No. It's not by Sting. Think.

Oh, hey, I know. I was up in
that laboratory. You know, on 51.

And somebody was humming it.

Hi, I hear your copier's down.

- Oh, it is?
- Yeah.

- It's back there.
- Thank you.

We're ready, doctor.

This is the most interesting
bioelectrical work I've done.

Just think. Millions of rats in
New York, and everyone hates them.

But if one of them could power
a portable radio for a month...

Gizmo, I'm here.

Watch this, doctor.

Definite progress, gentlemen.

Shh. Be quiet.

If only we could make
it safe to touch them.

Still, they'd be good in
flashlights, wouldn't they?

Where there's flashlights, there's dark.

And they like the dark.

- Theodore! How'd you get out?
- Alvin, put down that DNA!

Mister, welcome to the men's room.

Hey, pal, I sure hope
you washed those hands.

Hey, guy, how you doing?

Did you miss me?

Yeah. Me too.

So, what are you doing here?
What were those guys doing to you?

Wow. That bad, huh?

Uh-huh.

You wanna come out?
Come here. It's okay.

Come with me. I got you.
I'll take care of you.

Everything's gonna be fine.

- What is this? A black armband?
- Armband.

Is that what happened to
the man who took care of you?

You've got to be quiet. You don't want
to go back to the laboratory, do you?

So do me a favor. Get down
there and don't say anything.

I'll come back and take you
home as soon as possible.

Okay, that's a good boy. Bye-bye.

It's him! He's here!

Oh, Giz, I'm so sorry. Are
you okay? How's your hand?

Look, he's here. You have to get down.

I'm Marla Bloodstone, the department
head here. If there's anything I can...

That's okay. Everybody just relax.

Go on about what you'd
be doing normally.

I know I haven't been here before,
but that'll change. I'll be more...

...hands-on with these
operations from now on.

- Hey. This is excellent!
- Isn't that terrific?

You've captured the whole
essence of the project.

Look at the kids with the kites.
That's warmth. I like warmth.

- What's your name?
- Billy. William Peltzer, sir.

Bill, huh? That's what we
need here, people who produce.

Lose those trees, though. With elm,
people think "Dutch," "disease. "

- Absolutely.
- Absolutely.

What's with that drawer?

It's automatic. It opens now and
then in case you need something.

Hm.

I didn't know about that.

- Hey! What's that?
- Did you hear that?

"People who produce. "

He called you Bill. This is very big.

This is a career opportunity
advancement window. For both of us.

- Do you really think so?
- Clearly. We can talk at dinner.

- Great. Sometime next...
- Tonight.

- I can't.
- I have something too.

A brochure for the Archery Channel.

It's a total suicide,
red-alert, deadline emergency.

You know what? I'm letting
it go to have dinner with you.

I just can't leave on such short notice.

What is with that drawer, Billy?

- You keeping a pet in there?
- I'm allergic to pets.

It's good Mr. Clamp likes
you because... Let me see.

Maybe tonight would be the best.

There's a chic new Canadian restaurant.
They clean the fish at your table.

- Really? That sounds terrific.
- Just let me grab my bag.

Now, listen. I have to go.

I'll send someone to pick
you up. So just stay put.

- Billy.
- Yeah...

Ready?

Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sure, I'm ready.

We may see Woody. They say
he eats there incessantly.

- Katie?
- Hi, honey. I'm almost ready.

- I just gotta punch out.
- Hi.

I'm not able to go out
with you tonight. I'm sorry.

- I've got a meeting with some people.
- A meeting? Great.

Listen, I got a big favor to ask of you.

- Gizmo's here and he...
- That furry thing?

Yeah. He's up in my desk drawer.

Don't do that. I hate
it when you do that.

- There's good news.
- What?

You get to take him home.

- Take him home? Our home?
- Yes.

Billy.

- No!
- Why not?

What if they start
running around New York?

They won't, I promise.
Just obey the rules.

- The rules!
- Remember the first one?

Don't expose them to bright
light because it kills them.

Right.

- The second rule...
- Don't let them get wet?

That's right.

The third one is, don't
let them eat after midnight.

- That's very good, honey.
- Wait!

Tonight, on the Clamp Cable
Classic Movie Channel...

...don't miss Casablanca, now in
full color with a happier ending.

With Clamp's annual salary, if he
goes to the bathroom for 30 seconds...

...the man's earning $375
while he stands there.

What can he do? Can he fix an elevator?

What does it cost the company for me...

...to get a drink of water,.0003 cents?

I tell you... A taste of the
wrench for you, my friend.

I said not to put new
units in. They don't listen.

They listen to that guy they
pay $375 to go to the bathroom.

I remember the Sip-master Mark IV.

That was a fabulous drinking fountain.
You could squirt it six months...

...and it'd still be shooting straight.

But those dancing days are done.

The hell with it.

I'm not being paranoid.
The guy's after my job.

That's how it is these
days. All politics.

It's the law of the jungle around here.

Young guys only care about
one thing, okay? Power.

I'm talking about ruthless.

Gizmo, ca-ca!

Will the owner of the car
with license number 1 AG401...

...please remove it from the parking
garage? Your car is old and dirty.

- State your desired floor
number. - Forty-six, please.

The elevator doors have
opened. Please leave.

Gizmo.

How'd you get up there?

Billy said to take you
home, so I'm just...

I'll put you in my purse until
we're out of the building.

Hello.

Here we go.

Gizmo, you're so hyper.

I guess New York does that to people.

Okay, here we go.

Legs.

So did you always know
you wanted to be an artist?

I always knew I liked to draw.

When I was a kid, I drew comics.
I had this box of crayons...

I had crayons!

I used them to write memos to
the other kids. Even then, I knew.

That's really something.

We're finally getting to know each
other. You can't do that in an office.

- It's all business.
- Exactly!

Let's talk about your relationship
to Mr. Clamp. Your access.

I see a future. I see corner
offices, embossed letterhead.

I see us swallowing the
publicity department.

Really? Wow...

Gosh. I'm feeling so
vulnerable with you, Billy.

I've never talked about
these feelings before.

When art and business join
forces, anything can happen.

I definitely feel we should join...

...forces.

Sir?

This is a Canadian
dessert, chocolate mousse.

Can I cut you an antler?

No, thank you.

You okay? You want another Molson, eh?

No, thanks. Really, I'm fine.

I gotta go. I got this
appointment. I'm in a hurry.

- I'm sorry about your stocking.
- That's okay, Billy.

- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah, great.

How about some horn?

Okay, Gizmo.

Billy said to feed you before
midnight. He didn't say what you like.

I hope this is okay. It's
chicken and mashed potatoes...

Oh, God!

Try to be a little more
careful around here, okay?

We don't have money to replace things.

There you go.

- What are you...?
- Bingo!

Yikes!

- Who is it?
- Open up, honey. It's me.

- Hey. Sorry I'm late.
- Hi.

It's okay.

What happened to you?

How was your meeting?

It was fine. Where's Gizmo?

- He's in the kitchen.
- Great. Did you feed him?

- Sort of.
- Giz, guess who's...

Bull's-eye!... home.

Gizmo?

- Where'd you find him?
- Your office, where you said.

This is not Gizmo.

- We have to go back.
- You said no more...

There won't be, if they
don't eat after midnight.

But look at him.

He's wired.

We have to take him with us.

No...

- Honey, get my bag!
- Okay.

- Great.
- Who could that be? It's late.

- Should I get it?
- You better get it.

- If you wanna get out, be quiet.
- Who is it?

That's better.

Surprise!

Mr. And Mrs. Futterman!
Weren't you coming tomorrow?

The guys in my old outfit
changed the reunion date.

- We had to get on a
Greyhound. - Thirty-two hours.

- Sorry for coming so late.
- That's okay.

Can I get you coffee or tea?

- Little piggers!
- Oh, yeah, the cake blew up.

Billy, this is some crazy
city. We tried to get a cab.

You know they got Russians driving cabs?

What if someone got in with a
briefcase full of atomic secrets?

Murray, remember what Dr. Kaplan
said. We're going to be nice and calm.

He was a little distressed
after what happened with those...

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I was jumpy for a while,
that's all. What was that?

It's all right, dear. I heard it too.

Of course you did!

The thing is, you can't stay
tonight. I'd love it if you could.

It's just, the building is being...

...fumigated.
- Being renovated.

- Mice and stuff.
- Rats.

No sweat. We'll book into a hotel.

- You know, mice and bugs...
- Hey, that's okay.

You can't be too careful.
There's all kinds of foreign bugs.

Your mom baked you an apple pie.

Thanks.

Someone sat on it. I'm
sure it'll taste okay.

Your dad's got some new
inventions. Reversible toilet paper.

We'll call you tomorrow and have dinner.

- Okay, great.
- Good! Marvelous.

- Tomorrow.
- Bye. I'm sorry.

- That's okay.
- Welcome to New York!

Okay, that's a Kona praline with
kiwis and peanut butter cups?

Wait. Are the peanut
butter cups all-natural?

I'm not sure. Are the peanut
butter cups all-natural?

I know they're pesticide-free.

It's not the same. They
put other things in.

It comes off when they roast them.

Roasting is the worst.

Where they don't roast, they
have 70 percent less death.

Sure that isn't pickling?

How can you work with
this and not read studies?

It's a rat!

- Oh, my God!
- What's going on?

- Did she say there are rats?
- No rats.

That's not what she said.

The Entry-matic doors are being
upgraded to serve you better.

Please use the manual doors for
your entering and exiting needs.

A head came up, with big ears.
There was a thing in the topping.

- What kind of thing?
- A furry thing.

It's supposed to be health food.

I want damages!

- They've eaten after midnight.
- Come on.

Sorry I brought the wrong one home.

It's my fault. I shouldn't have
left Gizmo. We gotta find him.

It's along here.

There. That's where the
water comes into the building.

Give me video.

Security.

At least we can keep
them from getting wet.

Hold it! Get the hell out of there.

Move it! Come on, move!

Looks like I caught a
terrorist. What's in the bag?

- Nothing.
- Yeah? Let's look at that nothing.

- I wouldn't do this if I were you.
- But you aren't me, are you?

- We gotta find him before he eats.
- He already ate.

There are more of them. We
gotta shut the building down.

We?

We? We!

No, "we" gotta get the cops
and put you in a rubber room.

I'm not crazy. They're dangerous.

I've dealt with them. They wreck things.

They wreck things!

- Remember Kingston Falls?
- I remember the Kingston Trio.

Let's go, kids. We're home,
let's go. This way. Over here.

- How did you get me out?
- With next month's rent.

- What time is it?
- Around 6:30.

They probably made their cocoons by now.

- How long do they take to hatch?
- Not long enough. Come on.

Echo!

Gizmo, ca-ca!

Centre is experiencing
illumination system difficulties.

Please try not to notice.

The building is completely
screwed up today.

I know, Fred.

Sure. You're young.

You know everything.

Bright light. We'll need some of these.

Con Ed.

Gizmo, zap, zap!

I have to go to systems control.

- Kate, you're up.
- Good morning, Billy.

Oh, hi.

Last night was wonderful.
We have to do it again.

Marla, this is Kate.

My goodness, I have to
go right away. Hello.

- Hi.
- Cute hat.

Honey, that's my boss.
That's the woman I work with.

If we get through today
alive, you're in big trouble.

But you don't think that...

Great.

- Peltzer...!
- I need to speak with you.

You got arrested but
you've come back. Miss us?

- You gotta evacuate the building.
- Why?

There are creatures in it.
They start out small and furry.

If they eat after midnight,
they form cocoons...

- You're having a psychotic episode.
- You gotta listen.

This is good. They're furry,
then they have cocoons.

They eat, then cocoon.

Sure. You're going into a
cocoon, you wanna eat first.

Now we're in the nerve
center of Clamp Cable Network.

- Mr. Katsuji, please get back in line.
- Please.

If we're very quiet, we can
watch a program being videotaped.

Right this way.

This week we have our special
Salute to Luncheon Meats.

Many of you have written, asking
how to zing up party appetizers.

I'm very excited about this
recipe. It's so piquant with sherry.

Some people use a dash.

I use a lot.

So let's just plunge into
our hors d'oeuvres, shall we?

You know, these bologna
and bean dip roll-ups...

...are so easy when friends drop over.

Okay, wait. What if one of
them eats something at 11:00...

...but something sticks in his teeth?
- A caraway or a sesame seed.

And after 12, it comes out. He
didn't eat it after midnight.

- I didn't make the rules.
- Rules?

What if they're in an airplane
and they cross a time zone?

It's always midnight somewhere.

- Peltzer, is this?
- Yes, sir.

- Take this, in case it comes back.
- Right.

Before microwaves, this
used to take forever.

But now, we can make the same...

...tuna-noodle-cheese-product
chowder surprise...

...in just a few minutes.

Now, let's just move down...

What's that?

What is that?

Huh? Must be a brownout.

We'll do an edit. Pick it up there.

Oh, well. The show must go on.

So let's ladle up some
of our chowder-noodle...

Run for your lives! Monster!

Microwave!

You see what these monsters are doing?

They're throwing metal utensils into
the microwave! You can't do that!

Uh-oh.

Stay here and die!

Wait. Wait! What is it? Wait!

- Mr. Katsuji!
- I need a Polaroid.

It's not part of the program!

Something weird is going on in Studio D.

Punch it up on the stack.

I show brownouts in five more locations.

Climate control malfunction,
floors 15 and 16.

What's going on?

The pest infestation
monitor is reading critical.

What is that? That could be rats, right?

No, sir. I'm afraid it's not.

Whatever they are, they've gotta
respect the chain of command.

Gizmo, Gizmo, Gizmo, Gizmo!

Light bright! Light bright!

Please state your desired floor.

Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight!
Thirty-eight...

Going up!

Elevator, stop.

Sound alarm.

Betty, did you finish shredding my mail?

- I'm just finishing, Mr. Clamp.
- Good.

Um...

Let's...

Let's do some memos.

First, one to Frager,
in public relations.

Have the people in Chinatown
give a street festival.

A spontaneous flood of appreciation
for all I've done for the community.

We could have those dragons. Those
big dragons with the guys inside.

- And maybe we could
have a parade. - Yum-yum!

Call that big department
store. They got lots offloats.

They keep them in a
warehouse in New Jersey.

I think I own that.

A, B, C, D, J, K...

Coffee?

Let go of my tie!

- Bill!
- Mr. Clamp, sir, are you okay?

Yeah, I think so. I hate
using these machines myself.

- Sir, we have a problem...
- We have a situation... Oh, my God.

We have to evacuate the
building and close it down.

- That's ridiculous.
- Before sundown.

- What happens at sundown?
- They hate sunlight. It kills them.

When it gets dark, they'll
try to leave the building...

Calm down. He should be
in custody. He's dangerous.

This thing, that's dangerous.
This guy's from the art department.

Ask him how he knows about these things.

How do you know about them?

- This animal was in the genetics lab...
- I said it could be a problem tenant.

We could have had three shrinks
and a plastic surgeon. Here.

Make a wish!

Hair!

Going down!

Second floor, lingerie.

The elevator doors have
opened. Watch your step.

We'll... We'll get the next one.

- You don't think it had rabies?
- No.

- We must stop them from getting wet.
- No, we have to put a lid on it.

No cops, no media. We'll
handle this ourselves.

- You go down to systems control.
- But there might be physical danger.

You're supposed to handle bugs.

Well, I'd call these some goddamn
major bugs, wouldn't you? Huh?

Right. Okay. But I don't think I
should try it without an expert.

Let's go, Peltzer.

Three, two, one. Cue Leonard.

Hi. I'm Leonard Maltin, and
this is The Movie Police.

First, our video watch.

Just rereleased on video is
Gremlins, though I can't imagine why.

I know some people found it fun, but
I'd rather have root canal work done.

What's fun about a movie full of
ugly, mean-spirited monsters...

...who attack innocent people?

Are we so desperate for entertainment
that this trash passes for fun?

Whoa! Wait a minute! I was just
kidding! Ow! A 10, it's a 10!

Look at this. I've been working on
making tomatoes tougher for shipping.

- That's terrific!
- Topnotch! How do they taste?

That's the best part. We've already
had calls from two airline chefs.

Oh, my gosh!

- Did somebody leave something out?
- Not I.

It's eating my vegetable medley.

- What's that noise?
- I think they're laughing.

- Reptiles don't laugh!
- They're not reptiles.

- Then what are they?
- A virus?

What on earth is going on?

I leave you alone for five minutes,
and what do I find when I get back?

Utter chaos.

Is that the brain hormone
that creature's drinking?

Good boy. Nice boy.

There's a good creature.
Now, let's talk this over.

I can get you diseases.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Perhaps not.

I wanna talk...

...about what's going on in here.

There are some fascinating
ramifications for the future.

When you introduce genetic
material to our life form...

...which is possessed of a sort of...

...I hesitate to say "atavism"...

...but let us say an aggressive nature.

That fellow over there is a common
bat of the order of Chiroptera.

The only mammals, I might
add, capable of true flight.

Genetic sun block.

Yes.

Might I have a word with you?
My friend, you have potential.

I wanna help you be all
that you can be. May I?

As you're aware, sunlight poses
a problem for our ethnic group.

We don't tan or burn.

We become a rather unappetizing
photochemical leftover.

Thus this formula, designed for
those of the nocturnal persuasion...

...to make bright light
no problem whatever.

That'll be useful where you'll be going.

Where he'll be going?

All they have to do is eat children,
there'd be appalling publicity.

There it is. The Apple. The
city so nice they named it twice.

Check it out one time, won't you?

Catch it! Don't let it go!

- Down!
- Down!

Here in Manhattan...

...there's been a steady
stream of mechanical problems...

...at the Clamp Centre
office building in midtown...

- Buy! Buy! Buy!
- Sell! Sell! Sell!

I'd say it's a full-scale panic.

Are you having a run on the
banks yet? It's brutal here.

We're telling clients to invest
in canned food and shotguns.

Please take a moment to
locate the nearest exit.

Go through it quickly because
of the danger in the building.

Please take personal
belongings with you.

Take care not to step
on any of the people...

...attempting to leave the building.

Food fight! Food fight! Food fight!

Fire: Untamed element, giver
of warmth, destroyer of forests.

- This building is on fire.
- What?

The building is on
fire. Leave the building.

Enact the age-old drama
of self-preservation.

Fire! Fire!

Oh, Murray, the cathedral
of Saint Eva Marie.

- What a beautiful building!
- Beautiful?

It's like something
out of the Dark Ages.

Hey, Quasimodo, you home?

Hey...

- It's one of them!
- Who?

Get off!

It's just a flesh wound, Murray!

- Hurry up, Lewis!
- I'm coming, Martin!

The horror. The horror. The breakage!

Sir, what happened?

They fought back, that's what happened.

Things.

Stuff.

I swear, I'll never hurt anything again.

Some things man isn't meant to splice.

- A problem tenant.
- Calm down.

- We won't renew your lease.
- Where are they?

Don't patronize me! I saw them.

- But where?
- In my laboratory, the Splice of Life.

Stupid name. But it wasn't my idea.

Tweet, tweet.

Bunny rabbit.

Watch this, watch this:

"Fourscore and seven years ago... "

Nudie, nudie, nudie!

Mom, I wanna see the Gremlins!

Sir, I can't believe this. This
is worse than the first one.

We just show these
movies, we don't make them.

But...

I quit. Call the union,
the National Guard.

Those things took over the projector.

All they wanna see is Snow
White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Enough!

I'll take care of this.

Mr. Hulk, we have Gremlins
in the projection booth.

- Could you help us?
- Gremlins? In this theater? Now?

Okay, you guys, listen up. People
paid good money to see this movie.

When they go out to a theater,
they want cold sodas, hot popcorn...

...and no monsters in
the projection booth.

Do I have to come up there?

Can the Gremsters stand
up to the Hulkster?

If I were you, I'd run the
rest of Gremlins 2 right now!

Sorry, folks. It won't happen again.

- I'm outside the Clamp
Centre office building...

...where something strange is
taking place inside, though...

- been a day Mr. Clamp
would like to forget.

- Talking about green creatures.

Police are not permitting
any news media inside.

Once we are allowed in...

...we'll broadcast live
from inside the building.

Live...

...from inside.

Hey, you! Come here.

No! Can you work a TV camera?

Work a camera? I am a camera!

Oh, good! Come with me.

No, this way. This way.

I know, you think I'm insane.

No, if you were, we couldn't sue you.

- Oh, my God.
- You see?

This is a complete failure...

...of management.

They're eating the genetic stuff.

Years of research, patents, experiments!

Are there any bright lights here?

They've broken them all. But I do
have some small assault weapons.

What a hunk!

- Don't be afraid of your feelings!
- Help!

It's a hobby I knew would come in handy.

I got ordnance here that can
drop a charging puma at 50 feet.

Oh, why can't you commit?

That's what these things
need, a taste of...

Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

To survive a war, you gotta become war.

Jimmy, come back here, Jimmy.

Let us in there. We'll
take responsibility.

Most people are out anyway.

- What's in there? I've been to Beirut.
- I bet they miss you there.

The important thing is to
keep this out of the media.

They get you to say something...

...then they twist and embellish
it, and before you know it...

- live, exclusively over
the Clamp News Channel...

...from the lobby,
where this invasion...

...by strange creatures,
perhaps from another galaxy...

...or from a dimensional warp...

...has run riot through this
building, sending people...

Dracula?

- These horrible little green
monsters in that building there!

You can't do that...

- Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold it! No water.
- What?

That's not a fire in
there. They're Gremlins.

You get them wet, they'll multiply.
I know how to deal with them.

Sure, pal. Why don't you
calm down? Just take it easy.

Don't talk to me like
I'm crazy. I'm not crazy!

I was never crazy. I'm fine.

Let me in there!

Bill, any progress? Just
tell me there's progress.

Things are really bad out there.

Bad?! Only one of my
channels is still on the air.

There are human beings in the building.

Do you know what kind of
lawsuits we're looking at?

Yes, I know, but...

All of our operators are busy.

Your call will be handled
in the order received.

- What is that?
- One of those things.

- They come in electric too?
- They do now.

He's in the phone system on hold.

I thought this would never
run. Maybe it will, now.

Because of the end of civilization,
CCN now leaves the air.

We hope you have
enjoyed our programming.

But more importantly, we
hope you have enjoyed life.

- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yes, sir. It's very uplifting.

Is there any way to turn the clocks
ahead in the building three hours?

There's nothing we can't do. Why?

Sunlight kills them.

If we can fool them into
thinking the sun has gone down...

...they may go to the lobby.

Right! The front doors are the
only way out of the building.

- The sun sets at 7:32.
- Then we should move at 4:20.

I like that! We have
information they don't have.

That's how you take
somebody out. Wait a minute.

Won't they see the sun's still out?

- You'll have to take care of that.
- Me?

- Set it up from the outside.
- Good!

I finally get to use my secret exit.

- You know, sir?
- Yes?

If you pull this off,
you could save the city.

Save the city? "Developer
Saves City. " I like that!

Is anyone still employed
in this charming facility?

I need light in my office. Now!

At Clamp Enterprises we want
you to achieve all you can.

Turn on the lights in my office.

You want me to work in the dark?

This is new.

Phoebe, come on, hurry!

Hey, that's Clamp! Let's go!

- Has the building been evacuated?
- Is it on fire?

That's a false alarm. We've
just got some problems.

You got a guy in there in a Dracula suit,
broadcasting stuff with green monsters.

- Are you trying to panic the city?
- Absolutely not.

- So they are real?
- I didn't say that.

- What are you saying?
- What I always say.

Murray?

Gizmo? Gizmo...

As you probably know...

As you probably know, an
entire race of strange beings...

...has invaded the building.

And in an even more bizarre
twist, one of the creatures...

"Creatures. " Is that accurate?

- That one of these
creatures is able to talk...

...and he's going to
talk with us right now.

The main question people have is:

Creature, what is it that you want?

Fred, what we want...

...is what you and your
viewers have, civilization.

Yes, but what sort of
civilization are you speaking of?

The niceties. The fine points.

Diplomacy, compassion,
standards, manners, tradition.

That's what we reach toward.

We may stumble on the
way, but civilization, yes.

The Geneva Convention, Susan Sontag.

Everything you've worked hard
to accomplish, we aspire to.

We wanna be civilized. Take
a look at this fellow here.

Now, was that civilized? Clearly not.

Fun, but in no sense civilized.

None of us has been in New York before.

We have to learn how to
get tickets for shows.

There's street crime, but
we can watch that for free.

We want the essentials.
Dinettes, bedroom groups...

...credit even if we've
been turned down before.

Take it easy with that
thing. Be careful up there!

What's that thing for?

These things can only
come out when it's dark.

We set the clocks ahead.
When they think it's sunset...

...and see what a nice night it
is, they'll muster in the lobby.

We drop this thing, the sunlight'll
pour through here and fry them!

Sure.

- Is it safe?
- Help!

- Billy!
- Huh?

I hate these little things!

- You okay, Billy?
- Yeah. Get me out of here.

- Billy?
- Could I get some help here?

I'm trapped in adhesive
polymer material...

...and I'm on deadline!

Darling, it's you!
Thank God you're here.

Well, I could help you, or
I could just leave you here.

Listen, about Billy. Nothing happened.

I asked him out to dinner.
It was strictly business.

Okay, it wasn't completely
business, I'll be honest.

It'll be an openness thing.

I had designs on him. I
didn't get to first base. Okay?

- It'll do.
- What a wonderfully prepared woman.

Gizmo.

What happened to him?

I don't know. I guess
they pushed him too far.

- If they get out...
- We'll stop them, Billy.

Don't give up now.

Washington didn't. Lincoln...

- Please!
- What?

Don't mention Lincoln.

A terrible thing happened to
me once on Lincoln's birthday.

I was 6 or 7.

I had the day off from school.
Mama let me go to the park.

She made me a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich. That's all I ever ate.

A man with a beard and hat...
Looked just like Abe Lincoln.

Honey, we don't have time for this now.

I remember... Oh, God. He
said, "Hello, little girl. "

Is everybody here?

All right, then!

Start spreadin' the news

I'm leavin' today

I wanna be a part ofit

New York, New York, yes, sir

These vagabond shoes

Are longing to stray

And step around the heart of it

New York, New York

These guys aren't bad.

Incredible as it seems,
ladies and gentlemen...

...after their bizarre, bloodcurdling
rampage of destruction...

...these strange creatures now appear
to be mounting what seems to be...

...a musical number.

They're near the doors.

Don't worry. Soon Mr.
Clamp will drop the cloth...

...and let in the sun.

Okay, are we ready to drop this thing?

Sunlight?

Say cheese!

They get in the rain, the city
will go under. Armageddon! WWlll!

- Billy, we've gotta do something.
- I know.

There's a fire hose.
Aim it into the lobby.

Are you crazy?

Just do it, and do it fast!

Put Gizmo in a box
so he doesn't get wet.

- Okay.
- Marla...

- Smoke.
- Thanks.

Loogie!

Lobby!

Don't mess with Futterman!

There's a call on hold in Mr. Clamp's
office. Can you transfer it here?

Yeah, I think so.

- Ready!
- Turn it on!

Billy, I hope you know
what the hell you're doing.

I'm singing in the bathtub!

Bypass the file server.

Okay.

- That's it!
- My God!

Turn off the hose!

Hit it!

I'm melting! Melting! I'm melting!

I'm melting!

Oh, what a world, what a world!

The creatures seem to be melting into
horrible little green and brown...

...puddles. It's... It's like...

Well, I can't say what it looks like,
on television, but it looks terrible.

Let's go! Come on!

It's stuck. Come on. Back up here.
Down there. Come on! Let's go!

We'll take them by this door. Come on!

Charge!

I didn't hurt myself. Maybe we
can use this stuff for landfill.

- We're here with Daniel R. Clamp.
- Hey! Hey! Wait a minute, pal!

Who told you to go on my network?

Nobody, sir. It just
seemed like news, so...

Right, right. I'm making you an
anchor. Six o'clock, weeknights.

Go to Barneys and get new clothes.
Give this man a credit card.

This is Old World. Think
sweaters. Think avuncular.

Right. Avuncular!

- And my cameraman?
- Off caffeine, he's okay.

- I'm a hit!
- We're a hit.

What does a menswear makeover cost
today? Join us as we investigate...

And get some sun this weekend!

Hey, Bill! Oh, boy!

- What's happening?
- It moved, sir.

All right. Carry on. Careful,
that stuff's slippery.

So you bailed us out.

It wasn't just me. We all chipped
in. Mr. Futterman and Marla.

Marla?

- Yes, sir?
- You work for me, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Very, very hard.

Murray!

What happened?

They tried it again, but we were ready.

- Let's go. Smells like burnt meatloaf.
- It's Daniel Clamp!

He's here! Mr. Clamp,
can we have a statement?

Please, please!

My new head of public relations
here will handle all questions.

Why, Daniel!

- What happened?
- Where's the camera? It was horrible.

We had to stop work altogether.

- Sorry about the building.
- I'm not.

- You're not?
- No, we're insured for the damages.

Maybe it wasn't a
place for people anyway.

It was a place for things. You make
a place for things. Things come.

Well, sir, you kept the city safe.

That's right. That's a
good point. The sacrifice.

That could be in my next
book. I should be taking notes.

- Who's got a pencil and paper?
- Here you go.

- What's this?
- Kingston Falls.

- I've looked for this!
- To buy?

No, to build for my next project
in Jersey! This is terrific!

People want now, the
traditional community thing.

Quiet little towns, back to the earth.

Is this your concept?

- It's our hometown.
- That's better. I love that! It's...

Wait. It's...

"Clamp Corners. Where life
slows down to a crawl. "

- What do you think?
- It's terrific.

This is what people want,
not talking elevators.

You sell me this design, and
we'll build the biggest...

...most sensational
quiet little town ever.

- But for him to do an entire town...
- We can come to a deal.

- Are you Mrs. Peltzer?
- Yes! Well, I'm gonna be.

- What's that?
- This is Gizmo.

- He's a Mogwai.
- Mogwai.

- I look at him, you know what I see?
- What, sir?

Dolls with suction cups
staring out car windows.

A Macy's parade float. Have
you thought about merchandising?

- Me? No.
- Yeah!

There's something there.
Lose the headband, though.

He likes the headband.

It's flexible. Excuse me.

A lot of buildings wouldn't
stand up to this intense use.

Go home now.

No visit to New York
is complete without...

...touring the world's most...
- Put a glaze of cheese on top.

- Your favorite.
- Yeah, sure.

Showtime! MTV.

- Are you coming?
- In a minute.

- HBO.
- What did he say?

He wants cable.

- Nick at Nite?
- No.

MTV? HBO?

- Have a cigarette?
- Sorry.

I'll quit.

- For you, sir. From the building.
- In the building?

Hello? Forster, what are you...?
Okay, we'll get you out. What floor?

Way up there? It'll take a
while. The elevators are out.

And all the automatic doors are locked.

I don't know, not long. We'll do
what we can. Keep your pants on.

- You've been working too hard.
- Maybe I have, Mr. Clamp.

- Take a day off. Half a day.
- That's very generous, sir.

A half-day off once the building
is operational. Thank you, sir.

Long, isn't it?

Patently ridiculous!

Still lurking about? Don't
you people have homes?

That's...

Oh, no, you don't!

Sorry, 60 years of hogging
the end title is enough!

So that's all, folks!

Fade out.