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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,274 --> 00:00:04,693 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:29,259 --> 00:00:31,636 {\an8}[Curtis Mayfield singing "Move On Up"] 3 00:00:43,273 --> 00:00:45,108 ♪ Hush now child... ♪ 4 00:00:46,902 --> 00:00:48,820 [Kevin] I mean, I'm 30,000 feet in the air, right? 5 00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:50,197 They're saying, Kevin, come on, please. 6 00:00:50,197 --> 00:00:51,615 Kev, you got to put on the parachute. 7 00:00:51,615 --> 00:00:52,991 Everybody's going, please, please, Kev. 8 00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:54,701 At this point, they're begging me. 9 00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,286 Tell me that the story ends 10 00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:57,662 with you wearing the parachute. 11 00:00:57,662 --> 00:01:01,208 Absolutely fucking not, no! No! 12 00:01:01,208 --> 00:01:02,959 No, I wanted to be authentic. Right? 13 00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:04,503 - It's got to be real. - Yeah. 14 00:01:04,503 --> 00:01:06,755 You know what Tom Cruise calls parachutes? Diapers. 15 00:01:06,755 --> 00:01:08,507 Is that because they fill up when you're falling? 16 00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:11,301 No. Tom told me, he said, Kevin, they put me in a parachute, 17 00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:13,762 they might as well put a diaper on me and send me to pasture. 18 00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:16,223 Look, Kevin... you know, 19 00:01:16,223 --> 00:01:18,099 based on the success of the first one, 20 00:01:18,099 --> 00:01:21,645 we see massive franchise potential with The Jefferson's. 21 00:01:21,645 --> 00:01:23,730 And you know, your agent just keeps saying that you might 22 00:01:23,730 --> 00:01:25,565 be waffling on doing a sequel. 23 00:01:25,565 --> 00:01:27,108 And I'm just here to ask, is it about the money? 24 00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:30,153 Look, Deb, The Jefferson's is amazing, right? 25 00:01:30,153 --> 00:01:31,571 We did amazing work there. 26 00:01:31,571 --> 00:01:33,782 But I'll be honest, when I walk on that set, 27 00:01:33,782 --> 00:01:35,367 I feel like I'm being babysat. 28 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:38,286 I mean, they give me goddamn stunt coordinators. 29 00:01:38,286 --> 00:01:42,707 I have-- I have stage managers, uh, wires, green screens. 30 00:01:42,707 --> 00:01:45,043 Yes, a-- and somehow, you still manage to jump out 31 00:01:45,043 --> 00:01:47,879 of an airplane without a chute. 32 00:01:47,879 --> 00:01:49,756 I wasn't telling the truth when I told you that, 33 00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:51,216 but I forgot to say I was lying. 34 00:01:51,216 --> 00:01:53,009 So let's take a pause, right? 35 00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,511 Put a pin in that, so you understand 36 00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:56,513 that wasn't the truth. I had to make that up. 37 00:01:56,513 --> 00:01:57,722 I was pretending. 38 00:01:57,722 --> 00:01:59,224 But you know why I got to pretend? 39 00:01:59,224 --> 00:02:01,518 Because I'm not a real action star, Deb. 40 00:02:01,518 --> 00:02:03,895 Kevin, you took a sitcom about a dry cleaner, 41 00:02:03,895 --> 00:02:06,106 and you turned him into motherfucking Jason Bourne. 42 00:02:06,106 --> 00:02:08,942 Okay? You are a real action star. 43 00:02:08,942 --> 00:02:11,069 - No, not yet. - Not yet? 44 00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:14,573 No. But I will be. 45 00:02:14,573 --> 00:02:16,283 When you fund my next project. 46 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:18,910 Okay. 47 00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:20,287 Deb, now, look, what I'm about to tell you is going 48 00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:21,621 to seem crazy at first, but I promise you, 49 00:02:21,621 --> 00:02:23,707 if you give it a chance, you'll get it. 50 00:02:23,707 --> 00:02:26,001 - Close your eyes. - Okay. 51 00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:28,962 Deb, I want you to picture yourself going up a mountain. 52 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,255 [glass breaking] 53 00:02:30,255 --> 00:02:32,507 [guests screaming] 54 00:02:32,507 --> 00:02:34,634 [Man 1] On the ground! Let's go! 55 00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:35,969 [grunts] 56 00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:37,095 Alright, you rich assholes! 57 00:02:37,095 --> 00:02:39,306 [gunfire] 58 00:02:39,306 --> 00:02:42,183 Wallets, Rolexes, jewelry! 59 00:02:42,183 --> 00:02:43,727 All your fancy shit! 60 00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:45,353 - What is taking so long? - Put it in the bag! 61 00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:46,730 Let's go! 62 00:02:46,730 --> 00:02:48,231 [whispering] Just stay calm. Stay calm. 63 00:02:48,231 --> 00:02:50,108 [Man 2] Everything shiny! Let's go! 64 00:02:50,108 --> 00:02:51,318 [gunfire] 65 00:02:51,318 --> 00:02:52,736 Get it in the bag! Let's go! 66 00:02:52,736 --> 00:02:54,779 [whispering] They're coming this way. 67 00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:56,364 I don't have all day here! 68 00:02:56,364 --> 00:02:58,408 [whispering] Shit, shit! Shit, shit, shit! 69 00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:01,786 Trying to hide, little man? 70 00:03:04,623 --> 00:03:05,999 The fuck did you just call me? 71 00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:10,128 Bet you got a big wallet for such a little man. 72 00:03:10,128 --> 00:03:11,880 Now, put it in the bag! 73 00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:16,927 You want my wallet? Huh? 74 00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:18,053 Get back. I got this. 75 00:03:18,053 --> 00:03:19,596 [whispering] You got what? 76 00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:23,892 - I want your gun! - Shit! 77 00:03:23,892 --> 00:03:25,894 You believe this fucking clown? 78 00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:28,188 [grunting] 79 00:03:28,188 --> 00:03:29,564 Give me your gun! 80 00:03:32,442 --> 00:03:33,902 [gasps] 81 00:03:33,902 --> 00:03:35,236 Whoa. 82 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:38,031 You're just going to be the first man in history 83 00:03:38,031 --> 00:03:39,741 to shoot somebody with a safety on? 84 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,826 - What? - Huh? 85 00:03:41,826 --> 00:03:44,371 [grunting] 86 00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,963 I don't like guns. 87 00:03:52,963 --> 00:03:54,589 Oh, shit! 88 00:03:54,589 --> 00:03:55,924 [groans] 89 00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:57,300 - Not enough. - God damn it. 90 00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,635 Shit. 91 00:04:02,013 --> 00:04:03,264 [yells] 92 00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:15,819 Nice to beef you, motherfucker. 93 00:04:15,819 --> 00:04:17,404 [applause] 94 00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:25,078 Hey, it's not about me. It's about you. 95 00:04:25,078 --> 00:04:27,038 I'm glad everybody's safe. 96 00:04:27,038 --> 00:04:28,832 It's a crazy world that we're living in. 97 00:04:28,832 --> 00:04:31,292 - A lot of nut jobs out here. - Oh, Kevin! 98 00:04:31,292 --> 00:04:33,503 Kevin? What just happened? 99 00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:38,049 Real goddamn action! 100 00:04:38,049 --> 00:04:39,217 That's what just happened. 101 00:04:39,217 --> 00:04:41,553 - Okay. - Real fucking action. 102 00:04:41,553 --> 00:04:43,263 That's the adrenaline that I want audiences 103 00:04:43,263 --> 00:04:45,515 across the globe to feel, Deb. 104 00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:47,434 This-- this was all staged? 105 00:04:47,434 --> 00:04:49,853 Yeah! All of it. They're actors. 106 00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:51,062 I just wanted to give you a little taste of what 107 00:04:51,062 --> 00:04:52,522 our movie was about, right? 108 00:04:52,522 --> 00:04:54,065 This is the movie that we're going to make. 109 00:04:54,065 --> 00:04:56,735 So what I did was, I brought an outline, right? 110 00:04:56,735 --> 00:04:58,528 A little rough outline to give you a little idea 111 00:04:58,528 --> 00:04:59,696 about what we're going to do. 112 00:04:59,696 --> 00:05:01,656 - Oh, boy. - Right? 113 00:05:01,656 --> 00:05:03,324 The world of our movie lives 114 00:05:03,324 --> 00:05:05,285 in improvised action. 115 00:05:05,285 --> 00:05:08,079 It's spontaneous ass-whoopins. That's what this is about. 116 00:05:08,079 --> 00:05:10,582 That guy spontaneously hit you with a gun. 117 00:05:10,582 --> 00:05:11,750 [Kevin] You're talking about Larry? 118 00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:13,877 Larry! Hey! You got me good. 119 00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:15,795 - I'm gonna feel that one. - Yeah, you are. 120 00:05:15,795 --> 00:05:18,089 You goddamn right. [chuckling] Fucking Larry. 121 00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:20,341 You're not well. Oh, no, you're not well. 122 00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:21,801 [Kevin] This is about me getting a respect 123 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:24,054 that I deserve as an action star, Deb! 124 00:05:24,054 --> 00:05:25,346 [Deb chuckles] 125 00:05:27,182 --> 00:05:29,517 What is it that you want me to say here? 126 00:05:29,517 --> 00:05:30,769 [Kevin] What do I want you to say? 127 00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:33,229 Deb, I want you to say, I'll do it! 128 00:05:34,606 --> 00:05:36,983 My answer is no. Never. 129 00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,318 This is never going to happen, 130 00:05:38,318 --> 00:05:39,861 not at my studio or anyone else's. No. 131 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,404 [Kevin] Please? - No. 132 00:05:41,404 --> 00:05:42,947 [Kevin] Can you just give it a-- - No, no, no, no. 133 00:05:42,947 --> 00:05:44,991 Deb, can you just-- 134 00:05:44,991 --> 00:05:47,702 Can you just please give it a-- give it a read? 135 00:05:47,702 --> 00:05:50,830 [Deb] Oh. - Okay? Here. 136 00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:53,041 There you go. That's all-- that's all I want. 137 00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:54,584 Can you just-- 138 00:05:56,628 --> 00:05:58,004 I'll read it. 139 00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:02,634 We did it! Yeah! 140 00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:05,136 [applause] 141 00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:16,981 [horn honking] 142 00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:23,780 Hello, Mr. Greenlight! She loved it, right? 143 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,573 I told you she was going to love it! 144 00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:27,534 What's the budget she gave you? $300 million? 145 00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:29,744 $400-- $500 million for this? 146 00:06:29,744 --> 00:06:31,287 Just drive. 147 00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:37,335 I am so sorry, Kevin. That's not-- that is not fair. 148 00:06:37,335 --> 00:06:39,754 You are a king, and this town doesn't deserve you. 149 00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:41,631 Do you hear me? You are a king! 150 00:06:41,631 --> 00:06:43,967 You are my king! Praise! 151 00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,885 Praise! 152 00:06:45,885 --> 00:06:47,762 Wait a second. Is that her right there? 153 00:06:47,762 --> 00:06:49,180 Is that her, the one throwing away the script? 154 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:51,641 Is that her right there? Excuse me, ma'am! 155 00:06:51,641 --> 00:06:54,227 Excuse me, ma'am, in the red jacket! How are you? 156 00:06:54,227 --> 00:06:56,688 Kevin Darnell Hart is a national treasure! 157 00:06:56,688 --> 00:06:58,356 - A national treasure! - Just drive the car! 158 00:06:58,356 --> 00:07:00,108 [Andre] We're going to drive the car! 159 00:07:00,108 --> 00:07:01,776 But honestly, get your shit together! 160 00:07:01,776 --> 00:07:03,194 Nice to meet you! 161 00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:05,613 [Kevin] Drive the fucking car, Andre! 162 00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:08,116 [instrumental music] 163 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:15,498 [upbeat music] 164 00:07:15,498 --> 00:07:17,834 Today is gonna be the most amazing day of your life. 165 00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,252 Your papers. 166 00:07:19,252 --> 00:07:20,879 You say the same thing every day, Andre. 167 00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:23,006 - And every day, you're wrong. - Oh, well, come on. 168 00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:24,507 You're just cranky, because you haven't 169 00:07:24,507 --> 00:07:26,134 had your tofu tahini smoothie. 170 00:07:26,134 --> 00:07:28,595 I'll get that for you right now. Sophie! His TT! 171 00:07:28,595 --> 00:07:29,929 I really hate that you call it that. 172 00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:31,848 Here we go. Big gulps. 173 00:07:31,848 --> 00:07:33,808 - There you go. - No. 174 00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:37,312 I'm cranky, because the movie of my dreams just flamed. Okay? 175 00:07:37,312 --> 00:07:39,063 Now, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. 176 00:07:39,063 --> 00:07:41,524 Well, I mean, come on, man. You still have us. 177 00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:42,859 That's amazing, right? You have us. 178 00:07:42,859 --> 00:07:44,485 What the hell does that mean? Ooh. 179 00:07:44,485 --> 00:07:48,281 Hannah, Sophie, me, your man TJ right over here! 180 00:07:48,281 --> 00:07:50,116 I'm talking about your village! 181 00:07:50,116 --> 00:07:51,534 I know what you need. I know what you need. 182 00:07:51,534 --> 00:07:53,077 A massage. 183 00:07:53,077 --> 00:07:54,871 Nina, these are all set up for the new hot stones? 184 00:07:54,871 --> 00:07:56,080 I can be in about ten minutes. 185 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,291 She can be in about ten minutes. 186 00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,501 Kevin, the crew are ready whenever you are. 187 00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:02,045 Yeah. I'm ready. 188 00:08:02,045 --> 00:08:03,129 [Andre] You got this! 189 00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:04,547 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:06,090 There you go. 191 00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,508 Oh, God. How you doing? 192 00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:09,302 Good. Great. 193 00:08:09,302 --> 00:08:13,139 Kev, now just pretend you're biking through the Swiss Alps. 194 00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:15,683 We'll CG the Alps in later. 195 00:08:15,683 --> 00:08:17,227 What is that? 196 00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,686 I'm on foot, though. I need a bike, right? 197 00:08:18,686 --> 00:08:20,772 We'll CG that in, too. Action! 198 00:08:24,359 --> 00:08:25,526 [Kevin] You just want me to-- 199 00:08:25,526 --> 00:08:27,111 [Director] Just go for it. 200 00:08:27,111 --> 00:08:28,863 Act like I'm riding a bike? 201 00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:31,074 Exactly. [Andre] Straight arms. 202 00:08:31,074 --> 00:08:33,868 Kevin, look at this. Kevin, look at this. 203 00:08:33,868 --> 00:08:36,412 [Kevin] Hey, man. Not-- No! 204 00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:39,457 I can't-- can't do this shit! I can't. 205 00:08:39,457 --> 00:08:44,545 I-- I cannot do this shit any more! Alright? 206 00:08:44,545 --> 00:08:48,299 I'm tired of the CGI and the goddamn green screens, 207 00:08:48,299 --> 00:08:50,468 all this fake shit! 208 00:08:50,468 --> 00:08:51,761 No, uh-- 209 00:08:51,761 --> 00:08:53,346 [Kevin] I want real fucking action! 210 00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:54,973 Ah! [Andre] Kevin, no! 211 00:08:57,809 --> 00:09:00,561 Nina? What's the ETA on those hot stones? 212 00:09:00,561 --> 00:09:02,146 [yells] 213 00:09:02,146 --> 00:09:03,773 [crowd screaming] 214 00:09:05,775 --> 00:09:07,193 [Reporter] It appears A-list actor 215 00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:09,153 Kevin Hart is back in the news again. 216 00:09:09,153 --> 00:09:12,699 Star of the high-octane reboot of The Jefferson's, 217 00:09:12,699 --> 00:09:16,035 {\an8}Hart has spent his own money destroying a high-end Hollywood 218 00:09:16,035 --> 00:09:18,705 {\an8}restaurant in an attempt to woo a studio 219 00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:20,707 {\an8}boss into financing what he refers to 220 00:09:20,707 --> 00:09:23,918 {\an8}as a cinema verité-style action film. 221 00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:26,796 This comes just a year after the actor famously 222 00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:30,174 fired his long-time stuntman Doug Eubanks 223 00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:31,926 in the middle of production, a decision 224 00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,928 that left insiders dumbfounded. 225 00:09:33,928 --> 00:09:35,346 Bring me this man. 226 00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:36,639 [ominous music] 227 00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:40,143 Bring me this Kevin Hart. 228 00:09:40,143 --> 00:09:42,020 [Reporter] ...also known as Mr. 206. 229 00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:46,733 [Kevin] Wow. This is big, man. 230 00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:48,651 No, like, this is really big. 231 00:09:48,651 --> 00:09:50,361 Andre, I don't think you understand! 232 00:09:50,361 --> 00:09:53,156 I cast my dream out into the universe, and guess what? 233 00:09:53,156 --> 00:09:54,741 Karl Stromberg comes running! 234 00:09:54,741 --> 00:09:57,577 Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. 235 00:09:57,577 --> 00:10:00,163 But I got to say, boss. I don't like it. 236 00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:02,373 I mean, you don't even know this guy, right? 237 00:10:02,373 --> 00:10:04,500 I tried to look him up, and nothing came up on Google. 238 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,211 Duh. It's because he's European. 239 00:10:07,211 --> 00:10:09,630 They got their own Google. Everybody knows that. Alright? 240 00:10:09,630 --> 00:10:12,175 Listen, the guy is loaded, got tons of money. 241 00:10:12,175 --> 00:10:14,802 And if his desire is to make my movie, then so be it. 242 00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:16,637 - I'm good. - I can't do it, boss. 243 00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:18,431 I am so sorry. I can't do it. 244 00:10:18,431 --> 00:10:20,433 My job is to look out for your best interest, and I don't-- 245 00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:22,352 Uh, what did you just say? 246 00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:23,436 It's my job to look out for your-- 247 00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:25,229 It's not your job. 248 00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:28,066 As a matter of fact, that's the complete opposite of your job. 249 00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:30,902 You know who looks out for me, Andre? Me. 250 00:10:30,902 --> 00:10:32,362 That's who looks out for me. Me! 251 00:10:32,362 --> 00:10:33,613 Okay? 252 00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:35,198 - You know what? Pull over. - What? 253 00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:36,491 Pull over. I'm driving myself. I don't want you-- 254 00:10:36,491 --> 00:10:37,909 Kevin, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 255 00:10:37,909 --> 00:10:39,202 Kevin, you can't drive yourself. You need me! 256 00:10:39,202 --> 00:10:41,204 - You need me! - I do not need you. 257 00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:43,539 Correction! [chuckles] I don't need you! 258 00:10:43,539 --> 00:10:44,916 I didn't need my stunt man! 259 00:10:44,916 --> 00:10:46,376 I damn sure don't need an assistant 260 00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:47,585 telling me how to live my life. 261 00:10:47,585 --> 00:10:48,836 Pull over! 262 00:10:48,836 --> 00:10:51,798 [car honking] 263 00:10:51,798 --> 00:10:53,049 Don't-- don't hold the wheel in the middle! 264 00:10:53,049 --> 00:10:55,802 Shut up, Andre! I said shut up! 265 00:10:55,802 --> 00:10:57,428 - I know how to drive! - We know! 266 00:10:57,428 --> 00:10:59,013 We all know! He knows how to drive a car! 267 00:10:59,013 --> 00:11:01,474 We know! But let's say you put your hand down. 268 00:11:01,474 --> 00:11:03,476 - You pop it in D. - Pop it in first! 269 00:11:03,476 --> 00:11:05,353 Nope, that's reverse! Whoa! You know what? 270 00:11:05,353 --> 00:11:07,021 Why don't I help you out? 271 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:09,023 I'll get in there, I'll start her up, I'll roll out, 272 00:11:09,023 --> 00:11:10,233 and everybody will think it was you. 273 00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:11,692 [Kevin] I don't want your help! 274 00:11:11,692 --> 00:11:13,236 Good, good, good! Good! 275 00:11:13,236 --> 00:11:14,529 Good! Good, good, good! 276 00:11:14,529 --> 00:11:16,114 [Kevin] Yeah, smooth! Very smooth! 277 00:11:16,114 --> 00:11:18,282 You're leaving! [Kevin] Yeah! Fuck off! 278 00:11:18,282 --> 00:11:20,034 I'll drive all the way home! 279 00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,455 [cigar cutter clinks] 280 00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:28,251 [inhales] 281 00:11:28,251 --> 00:11:29,961 [exhales] 282 00:11:29,961 --> 00:11:32,463 [opera music] 283 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,890 So, Karl... 284 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:46,144 Karl, what is it, uh, what is that you do for a living, man? 285 00:11:48,479 --> 00:11:51,524 I made my fortune mining precious metals. 286 00:11:51,524 --> 00:11:53,192 [Kevin] Mm. 287 00:11:53,192 --> 00:11:57,363 Now, I finance films, primarily in the Balkans, 288 00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,906 once in North Korea. 289 00:11:58,906 --> 00:12:00,992 It's probably hard to get permits over there, huh? 290 00:12:00,992 --> 00:12:04,328 Permits are for cowards. 291 00:12:04,328 --> 00:12:08,791 Your outline... is dangerous. 292 00:12:08,791 --> 00:12:10,334 It's violent. 293 00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:11,919 It's almost no narrative that makes 294 00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:14,881 sense to a regular human being. 295 00:12:14,881 --> 00:12:17,633 I am not the regular human being. No. 296 00:12:18,968 --> 00:12:22,889 - I am Karl Stromberg. - Yeah. 297 00:12:22,889 --> 00:12:24,640 [Karl] And that is why... 298 00:12:26,851 --> 00:12:28,644 I will finance this film for you. 299 00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:31,731 What did you just say to me? 300 00:12:31,731 --> 00:12:33,191 You're telling me that you're going 301 00:12:33,191 --> 00:12:36,110 to finance my goddamn movie? Huh? 302 00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:39,113 [chuckles] Dude, you just made my day, man! 303 00:12:39,113 --> 00:12:41,032 And I don't have to do my pitch! Because my pitch is expensive. 304 00:12:41,032 --> 00:12:42,742 I ain't going to break all this glass 305 00:12:42,742 --> 00:12:44,368 and stuff in here, because I know I got to pay for it. 306 00:12:44,368 --> 00:12:45,661 Dude! You just-- 307 00:12:45,661 --> 00:12:47,205 I was in a dark place, Karl. 308 00:12:47,205 --> 00:12:49,040 I was in a real dark place, man. 309 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,209 You just pulled me out of a dark place. 310 00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:52,668 Because people underestimate you. 311 00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:53,920 Yeah. 312 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,464 When you left comedy for the action, 313 00:12:56,464 --> 00:12:58,007 they said you'd fail. 314 00:12:58,007 --> 00:12:59,592 Did they? 315 00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:02,345 When you fired your stuntman to do your own stunts... 316 00:13:03,554 --> 00:13:04,555 they said you would fail. 317 00:13:04,555 --> 00:13:05,848 You heard about that? 318 00:13:05,848 --> 00:13:07,600 [Karl] Everyone heard about that. 319 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,602 It's only you and Tom Cruise who do your own stunts now. 320 00:13:09,602 --> 00:13:11,854 That's-- that's a fact. 321 00:13:11,854 --> 00:13:14,148 Two peas in a pod, man. What's going on? 322 00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:16,359 What you doing? 323 00:13:16,359 --> 00:13:17,777 This film, Kevin... 324 00:13:19,278 --> 00:13:23,824 will put you in your own category. 325 00:13:23,824 --> 00:13:29,413 Ah! One pea in one pod. 326 00:13:29,413 --> 00:13:30,957 Yes, right. 327 00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:32,833 That's right. One pea, one pod. 328 00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:36,462 Hell, yeah. 329 00:13:36,462 --> 00:13:37,964 That's what it's supposed to be, Karl. 330 00:13:37,964 --> 00:13:39,423 You know what, man? I know we just met, 331 00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:42,051 but I feel like I've known you for a long time, 332 00:13:42,051 --> 00:13:43,511 because you get me. 333 00:13:43,511 --> 00:13:45,388 I'm so sick of this... 334 00:13:45,388 --> 00:13:49,600 this CG and this green screen shit! 335 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,686 So what'd you think of the story, Karl? About me-- 336 00:13:51,686 --> 00:13:54,272 No one watches movies for the story. 337 00:13:54,272 --> 00:13:55,690 Yeah. 338 00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:57,400 They watch it for the action. 339 00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:00,736 And the nudity. 340 00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:04,699 I don't really... 341 00:14:04,699 --> 00:14:07,660 I don't really have any dick in my script. 342 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:09,120 But if you want some, if you feel like people want 343 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,831 to see dick, I can add some dick. 344 00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:13,916 I can-- I'm not afraid to go full frontal. 345 00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,918 I'll do it. Right? 346 00:14:15,918 --> 00:14:17,503 If that's what the people want. 347 00:14:17,503 --> 00:14:19,505 My biggest thing, though, is the action, man. 348 00:14:19,505 --> 00:14:21,132 I just don't-- I don't want to see it coming. 349 00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:22,842 Right? I want to be caught off guard. 350 00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:24,719 - You will shit your pants! - What you talkin' about? 351 00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:27,638 We will have a change of pants available at all times 352 00:14:27,638 --> 00:14:31,058 for when you shit your pants. 353 00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:33,019 [inhales] Because I'm scared. 354 00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:34,687 [Karl] You will shit. - I-- I will shit. 355 00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:36,355 [Karl] You will shit... - Yeah. 356 00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:37,857 [Karl] ...your pants. - I'll shit my goddamn pants. 357 00:14:37,857 --> 00:14:39,817 You will shit! 358 00:14:39,817 --> 00:14:41,569 [Kevin] I want to shit! - You will shit. 359 00:14:41,569 --> 00:14:42,945 [Kevin] Alright! I wanna shit! 360 00:14:42,945 --> 00:14:45,031 - You wanna shit? - Yeah! I will shit! 361 00:14:45,031 --> 00:14:47,116 You shit your pants! 362 00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,785 I'm ready to shit my pants, Karl! 363 00:14:49,785 --> 00:14:53,956 I want to shit my pants! Right now! 364 00:14:53,956 --> 00:14:56,667 When-- when do we start so I can shit! 365 00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:58,711 [Karl] We already have. 366 00:14:58,711 --> 00:15:00,671 There's a camera hidden right behind you. 367 00:15:00,671 --> 00:15:02,298 [ominous music] 368 00:15:03,841 --> 00:15:04,967 Ohh! 369 00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:07,845 [chuckles] I think I see it! 370 00:15:07,845 --> 00:15:10,348 The little-- the black-- the space with the black, right? 371 00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:11,849 [gunshot] 372 00:15:25,071 --> 00:15:26,864 [weak groaning] 373 00:15:28,699 --> 00:15:31,118 [moaning] 374 00:15:36,207 --> 00:15:38,376 [cutter clinking] 375 00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:42,922 [groaning] 376 00:15:42,922 --> 00:15:45,424 [yelling] 377 00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:00,523 [screaming] 378 00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,318 Back up! 379 00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:06,028 Get your ass back! 380 00:16:06,028 --> 00:16:07,238 I don't know who you think you messing with, 381 00:16:07,238 --> 00:16:08,531 but I tell you, you got... 382 00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:10,241 Oh, shit! 383 00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:12,785 He going to fucking eat my ass! 384 00:16:12,785 --> 00:16:15,037 He going to eat my ass and set me on fire or some shit, 385 00:16:15,037 --> 00:16:16,580 ain't you? 386 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,250 Who are you? Huh? 387 00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,585 Where am I? Tell me-- tell me where I'm at! 388 00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:23,796 Who... Wait a minute. 389 00:16:23,796 --> 00:16:25,923 Do you work, you work for Karl Stromberg? 390 00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:32,680 I said, do you work for Karl Stromberg? 391 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,270 Okay. 392 00:16:41,105 --> 00:16:43,566 Okay. Okay, we in it. 393 00:16:43,566 --> 00:16:45,693 This is it. We're doing it. 394 00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:48,154 Okay, Karl! I like it! I like it! 395 00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:50,197 Um, okay, shit. 396 00:16:50,197 --> 00:16:52,199 Okay, let me see. Where-- where are we in the script? 397 00:16:52,199 --> 00:16:54,160 God, my adrenaline's flowing so much. 398 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,371 You got me! I thought you was really trying to eat my ass! 399 00:16:57,371 --> 00:16:59,790 Alright. Uh, okay, three, two, one. 400 00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:01,208 [blabbers] Okay. 401 00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,669 Rice, peas, carrots, let's go. [sniffles] 402 00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:06,172 [dramatic music] 403 00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:12,094 You know, I've been searching the globe for you. 404 00:17:12,094 --> 00:17:14,972 You're a hard man to find, Mr. Bartholomew. 405 00:17:20,394 --> 00:17:22,938 I think you got a line. 406 00:17:22,938 --> 00:17:25,232 You got a line! 407 00:17:25,232 --> 00:17:28,194 Uh, you say your part, and I'll react off of that. 408 00:17:28,194 --> 00:17:30,905 Because what you say sets me up to now have my... 409 00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:34,617 Unless you're not union. Or-- Is he union or no? 410 00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:37,036 Guys? Can you not just-- 411 00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:38,454 Okay. 412 00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,498 Oh, rewrite. There must have been pink pages. 413 00:17:40,498 --> 00:17:42,416 Okay. Uh, let me get back in. 414 00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,001 [clinking] 415 00:17:45,711 --> 00:17:47,505 What you going to do with those? 416 00:17:47,505 --> 00:17:49,840 Chop off my finger? Hmm? 417 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,675 Cut off my leg? My foot? 418 00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,302 [clinking] 419 00:17:53,302 --> 00:17:56,222 Newsflash, I only need one foot to kick your ass. 420 00:17:57,723 --> 00:18:01,685 That is a trailer moment! Guys! I only-- 421 00:18:01,685 --> 00:18:04,146 [Man on speaker] Good evening. 422 00:18:04,146 --> 00:18:07,566 Do not use the shears on this man. 423 00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:09,151 [Kevin] Is that-- is that the producer? 424 00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:10,861 Is that Karl? Karl! 425 00:18:10,861 --> 00:18:14,240 [Man on speaker] He must atone for his sins. 426 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,659 What is that? Atone for my-- I don't know-- 427 00:18:16,659 --> 00:18:18,577 [Man on speaker] He must feel the pain 428 00:18:18,577 --> 00:18:20,454 he has made others feel. 429 00:18:23,457 --> 00:18:25,876 Yeah, I'm lost, guys. I don't know where we are. 430 00:18:25,876 --> 00:18:28,003 Um, if we're going to do rewrites, 431 00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:29,922 you guys got to give me the pages. 432 00:18:29,922 --> 00:18:31,465 I'll stay in it. I'll stay in it. Uh... 433 00:18:31,465 --> 00:18:33,384 [metallic whirring] 434 00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:37,054 Okay, alright. Okay. 435 00:18:37,054 --> 00:18:38,806 Why don't we-- why don't we take it easy? 436 00:18:38,806 --> 00:18:40,266 Because I know why you're mad, huh? 437 00:18:40,266 --> 00:18:41,517 You're mad because-- Stop right there. 438 00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:43,060 Let's stop right there. No, no, no. 439 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:45,396 Let's make that your mark. Nope, stop right there. 440 00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:48,691 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Hey! 441 00:18:48,691 --> 00:18:49,942 [Man on speaker] Count to ten. 442 00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:51,360 No, fuck you! Wait! 443 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,904 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, man! 444 00:18:53,904 --> 00:18:56,490 Hey! No, no, don't cut my dick! 445 00:18:56,490 --> 00:18:58,909 Don't cut my dick! That's not-- Okay, use it. 446 00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:00,703 I'mma use it! Stay in it. 447 00:19:00,703 --> 00:19:02,288 [grunts] 448 00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:05,207 Yeah! 449 00:19:14,008 --> 00:19:15,342 Two. 450 00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:18,554 [Kevin] Come on! 451 00:19:18,554 --> 00:19:19,597 Come on! 452 00:19:19,597 --> 00:19:22,099 [yelling] 453 00:19:26,228 --> 00:19:27,563 [sighs] 454 00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:34,820 Damn it! 455 00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:36,322 No, not today. 456 00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:39,158 Yeah! 457 00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:40,993 Did we get it? Huh? 458 00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:43,787 [laughs] Spin it! We got it! 459 00:19:43,787 --> 00:19:45,789 Yeah! Oh! 460 00:19:45,789 --> 00:19:47,666 [ominous music] 461 00:19:49,418 --> 00:19:51,086 Comin' to beat your ass, Montoya. 462 00:19:52,504 --> 00:19:55,174 This set's incredible. So good. 463 00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,720 Shit! 464 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,388 It's Montoya's men. 465 00:20:11,649 --> 00:20:14,109 [woman yells] 466 00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:15,819 Jordan? The hell are you doing here? 467 00:20:15,819 --> 00:20:18,364 [muffled yelling] 468 00:20:19,949 --> 00:20:21,659 Son of a bitch! 469 00:20:21,659 --> 00:20:23,911 Did they hurt you? Hm? Did they hurt you? 470 00:20:23,911 --> 00:20:26,246 Kevin, what the hell is going on? 471 00:20:26,246 --> 00:20:28,707 The uranium heist. That's what's going on. 472 00:20:28,707 --> 00:20:31,460 - Wait, what? - I already handled Bartholomew. 473 00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:35,673 But General Montoya, he's not going to let us off as easy. 474 00:20:35,673 --> 00:20:38,300 What the hell are you talking about? 475 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,385 Shit! 476 00:20:39,385 --> 00:20:41,136 I was walking my dog, 477 00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:42,805 and someone hit me in the fucking neck 478 00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:44,473 with a tranquillizer dart! 479 00:20:44,473 --> 00:20:46,600 - Huh? - And I ended up here. 480 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,268 What are you talking about? 481 00:20:48,268 --> 00:20:49,895 You didn't talk to Karl Stromberg? 482 00:20:49,895 --> 00:20:51,271 Who? 483 00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:53,607 Karl Stromberg about the movie? 484 00:20:53,607 --> 00:20:56,026 Right now, we're in it! This is the movie! 485 00:20:56,026 --> 00:20:57,403 It's a live-action movie! 486 00:20:57,403 --> 00:20:59,738 We're improving all the action scenes! 487 00:20:59,738 --> 00:21:02,282 No green screen, no fucking cables. 488 00:21:02,282 --> 00:21:04,034 It's real, raw. 489 00:21:04,034 --> 00:21:05,494 He's going to take my acting career 490 00:21:05,494 --> 00:21:07,162 and my action status to the next level. 491 00:21:07,162 --> 00:21:08,872 So this is all your fault? 492 00:21:08,872 --> 00:21:10,666 [Kevin] Well, I mean, it's my script. 493 00:21:10,666 --> 00:21:12,626 It took me I don't know how long to develop it. But Karl-- 494 00:21:12,626 --> 00:21:14,294 - What the hell is your problem! - Stop! 495 00:21:14,294 --> 00:21:15,671 What is wrong with you? 496 00:21:15,671 --> 00:21:17,131 - Shit! Ow! - Annoying! 497 00:21:17,131 --> 00:21:19,258 Stop. Shit! That's sharp! 498 00:21:19,258 --> 00:21:21,218 How long were you laying on that? 499 00:21:21,218 --> 00:21:22,720 Damn it! 500 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,555 Now, why you got an attitude? 501 00:21:24,555 --> 00:21:27,850 This is a simple outline! It's a layup! 502 00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,060 Okay? I'm a triple agent. 503 00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:32,646 MI-7. I'm the highest of high, right? 504 00:21:32,646 --> 00:21:34,314 Like, you can't get higher than where I am. 505 00:21:34,314 --> 00:21:36,275 But you-- you're my love interest. 506 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:37,651 They took you hostage because they knew that's the only way 507 00:21:37,651 --> 00:21:39,069 to get to me. 508 00:21:39,069 --> 00:21:40,863 So now, I'm here, and I got to get you. 509 00:21:40,863 --> 00:21:42,448 - You understand what-- - You're pathetic. 510 00:21:42,448 --> 00:21:45,325 And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is a felony. 511 00:21:45,325 --> 00:21:47,578 Well, I'm pretty sure that when you're an adult, 512 00:21:47,578 --> 00:21:49,079 they don't call it kidnapping. 513 00:21:49,079 --> 00:21:51,165 So that's-- [chuckles] That's pathetic. 514 00:21:51,165 --> 00:21:52,666 Fuck you, Kevin. 515 00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:54,793 What do you mean fuck me? Why are you at me? 516 00:21:54,793 --> 00:21:56,587 You should be mad at Karl Stromberg! Not me! 517 00:21:56,587 --> 00:21:58,505 I do not know who that is! 518 00:21:58,505 --> 00:22:00,257 Shh! 519 00:22:00,257 --> 00:22:02,760 [ominous music] 520 00:22:04,219 --> 00:22:05,804 You don't want him to hear you. 521 00:22:05,804 --> 00:22:07,723 Who? Who will hear me? 522 00:22:07,723 --> 00:22:10,601 There's no one here! And do not say Karl Stromberg. 523 00:22:10,601 --> 00:22:12,519 Are you saying Strum or Strom? 524 00:22:12,519 --> 00:22:14,104 Is it Strum or Stromberg? Because I don't know. 525 00:22:14,104 --> 00:22:16,356 [Kevin] Okay, hey, hey, hey. 526 00:22:16,356 --> 00:22:18,233 There are cameras everywhere. 527 00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,110 We're filming a movie! 528 00:22:20,110 --> 00:22:24,823 Where? There are no cameras anywhere! 529 00:22:24,823 --> 00:22:27,951 Will you look around? There's cameras everywhere! 530 00:22:27,951 --> 00:22:29,703 Okay, listen. Listen. 531 00:22:29,703 --> 00:22:32,790 All I need you to do is just grasp what's going on. 532 00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:35,125 This is a big opportunity for both of us. 533 00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:37,920 Okay? Just get in character. 534 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,671 Please? 535 00:22:39,671 --> 00:22:41,715 [dramatic music] 536 00:22:43,717 --> 00:22:46,136 They got this place locked down tighter than Fort Knox. 537 00:22:46,136 --> 00:22:48,764 Oh, God. You wrote this dialogue? 538 00:22:48,764 --> 00:22:51,975 Those motherfuckers knew I would come rescue you. 539 00:22:51,975 --> 00:22:54,520 Beautiful damsel in distress like yourself. 540 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,230 [music stops] 541 00:22:56,230 --> 00:22:59,983 Yep. Thank you for rescuing me. 542 00:22:59,983 --> 00:23:04,154 Just like any woman, I wouldn't know what to do 543 00:23:04,154 --> 00:23:08,200 if a man didn't show up to save me and tell me to eat 544 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,994 so I don't starve and breathe oxygen, so I don't suffocate. 545 00:23:10,994 --> 00:23:13,330 Let's cut. Let's cut. 546 00:23:13,330 --> 00:23:15,040 Can we cut? 547 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,458 Can you work with me? 548 00:23:17,709 --> 00:23:20,963 - I'd rather not. - Please. 549 00:23:20,963 --> 00:23:22,840 [Kevin] Thank you. - Okay. 550 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,967 [Kevin] Alright, guys, we're going to go again. Alright? 551 00:23:24,967 --> 00:23:26,051 Self-action. 552 00:23:26,051 --> 00:23:27,845 [dramatic music] 553 00:23:27,845 --> 00:23:30,389 Do you have any idea what's on the other side of that door? 554 00:23:30,389 --> 00:23:32,766 There are some dangerous men on the other side of that door. 555 00:23:32,766 --> 00:23:36,186 I'm talking mercenaries, killers, ninjas, 556 00:23:36,186 --> 00:23:37,855 failed karate school instructors, 557 00:23:37,855 --> 00:23:39,314 people that want to do bad things to me 558 00:23:39,314 --> 00:23:41,233 just because they can. 559 00:23:41,233 --> 00:23:44,319 There's a bounty on my fucking head. 560 00:23:46,572 --> 00:23:48,407 I'll tell you what, Esmeralda. 561 00:23:50,325 --> 00:23:52,494 I'll pay that bounty. 562 00:23:52,494 --> 00:23:56,290 And I will give them my head... if it meant saving your life 563 00:23:56,290 --> 00:23:58,000 so that you can finish med school 564 00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,793 and open up that clinic that you always wanted to-- 565 00:23:59,793 --> 00:24:01,670 Ow! Shit! 566 00:24:01,670 --> 00:24:03,630 Open up that clinic that you always wanted-- 567 00:24:03,630 --> 00:24:05,090 Esmeralda, wait. 568 00:24:06,884 --> 00:24:09,720 Esmeralda! Hey! 569 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,222 [ominous music] 570 00:24:12,222 --> 00:24:15,017 Oh, you fucking piece of shit! 571 00:24:15,017 --> 00:24:17,227 You leave her out of it, you hear me? 572 00:24:17,227 --> 00:24:19,605 She's got nothing to do with this. 573 00:24:19,605 --> 00:24:24,568 This is between me, you, and the 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium. 574 00:24:24,568 --> 00:24:25,819 [glass breaking] 575 00:24:25,819 --> 00:24:28,572 Alright. That's how you want to have it? 576 00:24:28,572 --> 00:24:31,450 Let's have at it. 577 00:24:31,450 --> 00:24:33,368 I'm so over this. 578 00:24:33,368 --> 00:24:35,954 Kevin, next time you have a terrible movie idea, 579 00:24:35,954 --> 00:24:37,748 leave me out of it, yeah? 580 00:24:37,748 --> 00:24:39,291 - Ah! - Oh, shit! 581 00:24:39,291 --> 00:24:41,501 [groaning] 582 00:24:43,086 --> 00:24:45,464 I'm sorry, but did this central casting goon 583 00:24:45,464 --> 00:24:48,759 just hit me in the face with a real fucking ass-- Cut. 584 00:24:48,759 --> 00:24:51,053 No, no, no, we need to cut right now! 585 00:24:51,053 --> 00:24:52,804 I don't know what weird production this is, 586 00:24:52,804 --> 00:24:54,640 but I need to speak to a producer! 587 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,391 [yelling] 588 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,778 Is that all you've got? 589 00:25:09,613 --> 00:25:11,573 Jordan. Let me get in there now. 590 00:25:13,492 --> 00:25:15,661 Slam his ass! 591 00:25:15,661 --> 00:25:18,497 [yelling] 592 00:25:18,497 --> 00:25:20,916 Jordan! Let my character get some! 593 00:25:20,916 --> 00:25:22,292 Tag me in! 594 00:25:23,543 --> 00:25:24,920 [yelling] 595 00:25:26,546 --> 00:25:27,923 [glass breaking] 596 00:25:27,923 --> 00:25:29,716 Damn! 597 00:25:29,716 --> 00:25:31,802 [yelling] 598 00:25:36,265 --> 00:25:38,934 Hold it. 599 00:25:42,896 --> 00:25:44,022 Yeah! 600 00:25:45,565 --> 00:25:47,693 Whoa! We got that! 601 00:25:47,693 --> 00:25:49,152 What a scene! 602 00:25:49,152 --> 00:25:51,571 Good job! Here. 603 00:25:51,571 --> 00:25:52,906 I think I'm the one that was supposed 604 00:25:52,906 --> 00:25:54,324 to kick his ass, though. 605 00:25:54,324 --> 00:25:55,826 Because I'm the lead. 606 00:25:55,826 --> 00:25:57,119 So I'm quite sure that was supposed to be me. 607 00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:58,370 But we'll fix it in post-- 608 00:25:58,370 --> 00:25:59,955 [gunfire] 609 00:25:59,955 --> 00:26:02,457 Go, go, go! Go! 610 00:26:05,002 --> 00:26:06,545 [panting] 611 00:26:08,213 --> 00:26:09,548 [Jordan] That guy was trying to kill me! 612 00:26:09,548 --> 00:26:10,966 Kevin, not acting! 613 00:26:10,966 --> 00:26:12,801 Not a movie! Literally trying to kill me! 614 00:26:12,801 --> 00:26:15,220 No. It's cinema verité. 615 00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:16,763 I know it's a little different, but that's what it is. 616 00:26:16,763 --> 00:26:19,349 Different? A little fucking different, Kevin? 617 00:26:19,349 --> 00:26:21,059 - Wow, shit! - Are you okay? 618 00:26:21,059 --> 00:26:23,437 Yeah, I know you're just trying to get me to apologize. 619 00:26:23,437 --> 00:26:25,814 - Just give me a second. What? - Kevin. 620 00:26:25,814 --> 00:26:28,734 You've been hit. With a real fucking bullet! 621 00:26:30,736 --> 00:26:32,487 That's not real blood. 622 00:26:32,487 --> 00:26:33,989 [Jordan] What? 623 00:26:33,989 --> 00:26:35,866 - Of course it's real blood! - No. Taste it. 624 00:26:35,866 --> 00:26:37,492 I'm not going to taste your blood, Kevin! 625 00:26:37,492 --> 00:26:39,745 You can! You can! It's pig's blood! 626 00:26:39,745 --> 00:26:42,164 It's not my blood. [chuckles] 627 00:26:42,164 --> 00:26:43,623 [Jordan] Does that feel fake? 628 00:26:43,623 --> 00:26:47,002 - Ow! Ow! - Shit! Shit, shit. 629 00:26:47,002 --> 00:26:50,380 I gotta lay down! 630 00:26:51,882 --> 00:26:55,052 Kevin! 631 00:26:55,052 --> 00:26:56,845 No, no, no, no, no! Wait, look! 632 00:26:56,845 --> 00:26:59,181 There's a photographer! Look. He wants your picture! See? 633 00:27:00,182 --> 00:27:03,226 Go on! What the fuck! 634 00:27:05,354 --> 00:27:06,813 If I had what now? 635 00:27:06,813 --> 00:27:08,690 [Jordan] Just an unexpected accident 636 00:27:08,690 --> 00:27:11,526 with a very small, 637 00:27:11,526 --> 00:27:15,280 flying, fast, like projectile object through his shoulder. 638 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:16,490 And I just think some painkillers 639 00:27:16,490 --> 00:27:17,532 would really help him. 640 00:27:17,532 --> 00:27:18,784 Mm-hmm. 641 00:27:18,784 --> 00:27:20,285 I know I don't have a prescription, 642 00:27:20,285 --> 00:27:22,079 but I can assure you, this is an emergency. 643 00:27:24,164 --> 00:27:25,582 I see. 644 00:27:28,752 --> 00:27:30,462 You want to score some good drugs? 645 00:27:30,462 --> 00:27:33,256 Some xannies, some ox, chuckleheads, 646 00:27:33,256 --> 00:27:35,884 wet Garys, Shriek and Jimmy's, moon pie, spider pie? 647 00:27:35,884 --> 00:27:37,552 Look, I'm not a drug addict! 648 00:27:37,552 --> 00:27:39,805 I'm an actor! Don't you recognize me? 649 00:27:39,805 --> 00:27:41,848 Um-- 650 00:27:41,848 --> 00:27:43,517 Okay, it doesn't matter. Alright? 651 00:27:43,517 --> 00:27:45,143 My idiot friend got shot with a real bullet, 652 00:27:45,143 --> 00:27:47,604 an actual fucking bullet from an actual fucking gun! 653 00:27:47,604 --> 00:27:49,356 And now, he's bleeding out in your alleyway! 654 00:27:49,356 --> 00:27:51,691 And if you don't help me help him, 655 00:27:51,691 --> 00:27:53,652 you're going to have a body on your hands! 656 00:27:55,946 --> 00:27:58,031 Would I know him from anywhere? 657 00:27:58,031 --> 00:27:59,658 [sighs] 658 00:27:59,658 --> 00:28:00,700 [Jordan] You're lucky it just grazed you. 659 00:28:02,911 --> 00:28:05,455 Here. It's the best I could do. 660 00:28:05,455 --> 00:28:08,417 - The hell is this? - It's for the pain. 661 00:28:08,417 --> 00:28:11,294 Pharmacist was a real piece of work. 662 00:28:11,294 --> 00:28:12,504 Well, you're a piece of work for bringing 663 00:28:12,504 --> 00:28:14,047 this out here to me. 664 00:28:14,047 --> 00:28:16,049 I can't drink this. This is my competitor! 665 00:28:16,049 --> 00:28:18,343 You got to go back in there and ask for Grand Cormino. 666 00:28:18,343 --> 00:28:19,678 Are you being serious right now? 667 00:28:19,678 --> 00:28:21,513 Kevin, you've been shot! I was kidnapped! 668 00:28:21,513 --> 00:28:24,516 - Grown woman acting. Okay. - You need to fix this! 669 00:28:24,516 --> 00:28:28,478 - You need to fix this now! - I told you, I can't! Okay? 670 00:28:28,478 --> 00:28:29,771 Even if I wanted to, I can't do it. 671 00:28:29,771 --> 00:28:31,857 And by the way, it's all by design. 672 00:28:31,857 --> 00:28:34,109 I gave all the rights over to Karl Stromberg, 673 00:28:34,109 --> 00:28:37,362 who is a great precious metals magnate. 674 00:28:37,362 --> 00:28:38,864 You do hear how that sounds, right? 675 00:28:38,864 --> 00:28:41,199 You-- you hear the words? 676 00:28:41,199 --> 00:28:42,701 You know, Andre was right. 677 00:28:43,743 --> 00:28:45,245 Andre, your assistant? 678 00:28:45,245 --> 00:28:49,291 Yes, my assistant. No, my former assistant. 679 00:28:49,291 --> 00:28:51,668 He was right, though. You know what we're going to do? 680 00:28:51,668 --> 00:28:54,546 We're going to pay Karl Stromberg a visit. 681 00:28:54,546 --> 00:28:56,298 Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to do. 682 00:28:56,298 --> 00:28:58,133 We're going to tell him he needs to get back on book. 683 00:28:58,133 --> 00:29:02,095 Because right now, he's not following my guidelines at all. 684 00:29:02,095 --> 00:29:03,513 And we're all over the place. 685 00:29:03,513 --> 00:29:05,265 In order for this movie to be the best thing 686 00:29:05,265 --> 00:29:08,101 that we know that it can be, we got to get back on pace. 687 00:29:08,101 --> 00:29:09,978 Okay? We're paying him a visit. 688 00:29:12,481 --> 00:29:14,608 [Kevin] Well, at least my car is still here. 689 00:29:14,608 --> 00:29:15,984 Yeah, but it's the only one. 690 00:29:15,984 --> 00:29:17,444 This place is dead. 691 00:29:17,444 --> 00:29:19,779 Yes, because it's the weekend. That's why. 692 00:29:19,779 --> 00:29:21,615 Kevin, it's Tuesday. 693 00:29:21,615 --> 00:29:22,908 [Kevin] Oh. 694 00:29:27,037 --> 00:29:28,455 Wait, what the fuck? 695 00:29:30,207 --> 00:29:31,333 Kevin, it doesn't look like anyone's 696 00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:33,126 been here for weeks. 697 00:29:33,126 --> 00:29:34,544 No, that's not true. 698 00:29:34,544 --> 00:29:36,671 I was just here. I was just here. 699 00:29:36,671 --> 00:29:38,798 Stromberg was right there. Okay? 700 00:29:38,798 --> 00:29:40,759 That was the last week, or it may have been a week before. 701 00:29:40,759 --> 00:29:42,135 I don't know what week it was, because I 702 00:29:42,135 --> 00:29:44,012 got knocked the fuck out. But I was here. 703 00:29:44,012 --> 00:29:46,348 He was sitting at a desk, right here. 704 00:29:46,348 --> 00:29:48,391 This is where he was. He was-- 705 00:29:51,311 --> 00:29:52,479 Hmm? 706 00:29:55,649 --> 00:29:57,692 You will shit your pants! 707 00:29:57,692 --> 00:29:59,402 I'm not crazy. 708 00:29:59,402 --> 00:30:01,112 I knew he was here. 709 00:30:01,112 --> 00:30:02,822 Would I have this if he wasn't here? 710 00:30:02,822 --> 00:30:04,574 It's the butt to his cigar. 711 00:30:04,574 --> 00:30:06,034 You know what he was doing? 712 00:30:06,034 --> 00:30:08,578 He was doing real weird stuff with the cigar, 713 00:30:08,578 --> 00:30:11,957 licking it, putting it in his nose, slobbering all on it. 714 00:30:11,957 --> 00:30:13,833 I was watching him while he was doing it. 715 00:30:13,833 --> 00:30:15,043 Closing his eyes. 716 00:30:15,043 --> 00:30:16,836 [sniffs] All of a sudden-- 717 00:30:19,881 --> 00:30:21,174 [Jordan] Why did you have to drag me 718 00:30:21,174 --> 00:30:24,052 into your stupid fantasy death wish movie? 719 00:30:24,052 --> 00:30:25,595 What are you talking about? 720 00:30:25,595 --> 00:30:27,472 All I said was think somebody like Jordan King. 721 00:30:27,472 --> 00:30:29,307 Keyword, "think." It was a suggestion. 722 00:30:29,307 --> 00:30:31,017 Oh, great. Thanks for the suggestion. 723 00:30:31,017 --> 00:30:32,602 He probably wanted you because you're one 724 00:30:32,602 --> 00:30:34,229 of the biggest stars in Sweden. What if that's the case? 725 00:30:34,229 --> 00:30:35,981 I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg 726 00:30:35,981 --> 00:30:37,440 is the biggest star in Sweden. 727 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:38,817 The environmental activist? 728 00:30:38,817 --> 00:30:40,443 Yeah, they have their priorities straight. 729 00:30:41,736 --> 00:30:43,029 Hey, whoa. 730 00:30:44,489 --> 00:30:46,241 Wait a minute. Come here. What's this? 731 00:30:47,284 --> 00:30:48,243 Look. 732 00:30:48,243 --> 00:30:49,327 [Jordan sighs] 733 00:30:49,327 --> 00:30:50,579 Look, will you just look? 734 00:30:50,579 --> 00:30:53,081 [tense music] 735 00:30:59,504 --> 00:31:01,006 The hell is this? 736 00:31:03,300 --> 00:31:06,052 Whoa. It's the VHS. 737 00:31:06,052 --> 00:31:07,929 I haven't seen one of these in years. 738 00:31:14,311 --> 00:31:17,314 Hey, it's Brian Penn from Buchwald Associates reading fo-- 739 00:31:17,314 --> 00:31:19,691 Um, I'm sorry, is it Stromberg or-- 740 00:31:19,691 --> 00:31:21,818 That's Karl Stromberg! [Man on TV] It's Stromberg. 741 00:31:21,818 --> 00:31:23,778 It's him! I mean, he-- 742 00:31:23,778 --> 00:31:25,280 It's different hair, but it's him! 743 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:29,826 Bring me this man, this... Kevin Hart. 744 00:31:29,826 --> 00:31:31,828 I-- I'm actually going to go thicker. 745 00:31:31,828 --> 00:31:34,122 Kevin, it's an audition tape. 746 00:31:34,122 --> 00:31:37,042 Yeah, well, obviously. I can see that. 747 00:31:37,042 --> 00:31:38,668 I see that it's an audition tape. 748 00:31:38,668 --> 00:31:40,587 The question is, why? Why is it an audition tape? 749 00:31:40,587 --> 00:31:43,548 Oh, my god. Wait a minute, is Karl Stromberg even real? 750 00:31:43,548 --> 00:31:45,383 [Jordan] What, you didn't google him before the meeting? 751 00:31:45,383 --> 00:31:47,052 [Kevin] He's from Sweden. 752 00:31:47,052 --> 00:31:48,845 You want me to go all the way to Sweden and google? 753 00:31:48,845 --> 00:31:50,930 That's ridiculous. Stop. 754 00:31:50,930 --> 00:31:52,265 [Jordan] Are you on drugs? 755 00:31:52,265 --> 00:31:53,850 [phone ringing] 756 00:31:57,812 --> 00:31:59,314 Quick, answer it! 757 00:32:08,239 --> 00:32:09,532 Hello? 758 00:32:09,532 --> 00:32:11,743 [Man on phone] Hello, Mr. Action Star. 759 00:32:11,743 --> 00:32:13,703 Congratulations. You escaped. 760 00:32:13,703 --> 00:32:16,206 Uh, do you know you shot me with a real bullet? 761 00:32:16,206 --> 00:32:17,582 [Man on phone] Of course I know. 762 00:32:17,582 --> 00:32:19,292 That bullet was meant to kill you. 763 00:32:19,292 --> 00:32:20,752 Oh, that's stupid. 764 00:32:20,752 --> 00:32:22,420 You kill me, and then you don't have a movie. 765 00:32:22,420 --> 00:32:24,297 [Man on phone] You moron. There is no movie. 766 00:32:24,297 --> 00:32:25,674 There never was. 767 00:32:25,674 --> 00:32:27,008 What do you mean there's no movie? 768 00:32:27,008 --> 00:32:28,426 You'd better stop talking like that. 769 00:32:28,426 --> 00:32:30,136 That's blasphemy, and you know it. 770 00:32:30,136 --> 00:32:32,263 There is a movie. Okay, who is this? 771 00:32:32,263 --> 00:32:33,807 Are you the producer? 772 00:32:33,807 --> 00:32:35,642 [Man on phone] You have forgotten who you are, 773 00:32:35,642 --> 00:32:37,602 where you came from. 774 00:32:37,602 --> 00:32:39,604 I didn't-- didn't anybody forget where they came from. 775 00:32:39,604 --> 00:32:41,314 [Man on phone] Then what was the name 776 00:32:41,314 --> 00:32:43,525 of your first elementary school teacher? 777 00:32:47,445 --> 00:32:49,072 Ms. Foxen. 778 00:32:49,072 --> 00:32:51,574 No, Ms. Clarkson-- Clarkson-- Clarkson. 779 00:32:51,574 --> 00:32:53,326 Yeah, Ms. Clarkson. 780 00:32:53,326 --> 00:32:54,911 [Man on phone] And the hospital where you were born? 781 00:32:54,911 --> 00:32:56,329 What does that have to do with anything? 782 00:32:56,329 --> 00:32:57,789 [Man on phone] The name. 783 00:32:59,749 --> 00:33:01,751 [whispering] Go on. 784 00:33:01,751 --> 00:33:05,547 Uh, Saint Falkenstein. 785 00:33:05,547 --> 00:33:08,091 - That sounds wrong. - Saint Falkenstein Hospital. 786 00:33:08,091 --> 00:33:10,135 What-- Hey! Enough of this shit! 787 00:33:10,135 --> 00:33:11,970 Cut the shit! Who are you? 788 00:33:11,970 --> 00:33:13,513 Who the fuck are you? 789 00:33:13,513 --> 00:33:15,181 [Man on phone] I'm the person who's brought 790 00:33:15,181 --> 00:33:16,558 an end to your life. 791 00:33:16,558 --> 00:33:18,143 You are no longer cared for. 792 00:33:18,143 --> 00:33:20,270 - You're worth nothing. - Uh, excuse me. 793 00:33:20,270 --> 00:33:22,564 Can I ask why I've been dragged into this? 794 00:33:22,564 --> 00:33:24,441 [line disconnects] 795 00:33:24,441 --> 00:33:27,026 Great, Kevin! You took all the phone time with him! 796 00:33:27,026 --> 00:33:28,570 [Kevin] Oh, I'm sorry. 797 00:33:28,570 --> 00:33:30,155 Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to figure out 798 00:33:30,155 --> 00:33:32,282 what was going on with my life, trying to hear 799 00:33:32,282 --> 00:33:34,159 a serial killer voice out. 800 00:33:34,159 --> 00:33:35,827 I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you! 801 00:33:35,827 --> 00:33:38,079 - Shh! Shh! - Goddamn it, Jordan! 802 00:33:38,079 --> 00:33:39,831 Shh! Do you hear that? 803 00:33:39,831 --> 00:33:41,374 [quiet beeping] 804 00:33:43,251 --> 00:33:45,211 It's the VCR. 805 00:33:45,211 --> 00:33:46,921 What the fuck? 806 00:33:48,465 --> 00:33:50,508 [gasps] Oh, fuck, it's a bomb. 807 00:33:50,508 --> 00:33:52,594 - What? - It's a fucking bomb. 808 00:33:52,594 --> 00:33:53,970 Well, disarm it! 809 00:33:53,970 --> 00:33:55,388 You fucking disarm it! 810 00:33:55,388 --> 00:33:56,973 Oh, yeah, 'cause I know how to disarm a bomb. 811 00:33:56,973 --> 00:33:59,058 Oh, I do 'cause I'm Black? That's what you think? 812 00:33:59,058 --> 00:34:00,560 Every Black man know how to disarm a bomb? 813 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,895 That is not a thing, Kevin. 814 00:34:01,895 --> 00:34:03,271 [Kevin] Oh, I bet it's not a thing. 815 00:34:03,271 --> 00:34:05,148 Get your racist ass back. Move, move! 816 00:34:06,399 --> 00:34:07,942 Quick, quick, quick. Come on. 817 00:34:07,942 --> 00:34:11,321 Oh, my God. Open it, open it. 818 00:34:11,321 --> 00:34:13,198 [grunts] Pull, pull! 819 00:34:16,576 --> 00:34:18,077 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 820 00:34:22,332 --> 00:34:24,417 Back. Get back, get back, get back! 821 00:34:24,417 --> 00:34:25,710 Shit. 822 00:34:25,710 --> 00:34:27,796 [clanging] 823 00:34:27,796 --> 00:34:29,088 [clanging stops] 824 00:34:32,050 --> 00:34:33,927 Okay. 825 00:34:33,927 --> 00:34:35,845 Well, I guess it is just a movie. 826 00:34:35,845 --> 00:34:37,514 Yeah, and that was a fake bomb-- 827 00:34:37,514 --> 00:34:38,723 [explosion] 828 00:34:38,723 --> 00:34:40,141 Whoa! 829 00:34:40,141 --> 00:34:42,018 [alarm blaring] 830 00:34:46,189 --> 00:34:48,733 [both coughing] 831 00:34:48,733 --> 00:34:50,151 [Andre] Where's my keys? 832 00:34:50,151 --> 00:34:51,569 - Oh, my god! - Oh, you're okay. 833 00:34:51,569 --> 00:34:53,029 You're okay. What was that sound? 834 00:34:53,029 --> 00:34:54,823 Andre? What the hell are you doing here? 835 00:34:54,823 --> 00:34:56,282 - Come on, go. - What are you talking about? 836 00:34:56,282 --> 00:34:57,534 - We gotta go. - I'll get the door for you. 837 00:34:57,534 --> 00:34:59,035 Go now! 838 00:34:59,035 --> 00:35:00,995 Kevin, that was a real fucking bomb. 839 00:35:00,995 --> 00:35:02,705 A real fucking bomb! 840 00:35:02,705 --> 00:35:04,457 Okay, Jordan, well, can you put yourself in my shoes? 841 00:35:04,457 --> 00:35:05,959 I will not, no. No. 842 00:35:05,959 --> 00:35:07,377 I do not have to do that. Do you know what? 843 00:35:07,377 --> 00:35:09,963 Just shut up. Shut the fuck up. 844 00:35:09,963 --> 00:35:12,674 Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre. I don't know if you remember me. 845 00:35:12,674 --> 00:35:13,967 Hey, man, put your hand on the wheel. 846 00:35:13,967 --> 00:35:15,301 [Andre] You got it. 847 00:35:15,301 --> 00:35:17,053 I'm actually... I'm Kevin's protege. 848 00:35:17,053 --> 00:35:21,057 Sorry, I'm Kevin's assistant... Former assistant. Fuck me. 849 00:35:21,057 --> 00:35:24,185 Of course I remember you, Andre. So what? 850 00:35:24,185 --> 00:35:26,020 Kevin kicked you out in the middle of the street, did he? 851 00:35:26,020 --> 00:35:28,565 No, pish-posh. No, of course not. 852 00:35:28,565 --> 00:35:32,026 Technically, it was the sidewalk and I love Skid Row. 853 00:35:32,026 --> 00:35:33,570 Everybody's got a story to tell. 854 00:35:33,570 --> 00:35:35,488 So many teachable moments. 855 00:35:35,488 --> 00:35:37,115 Wait, you-- you didn't go home? 856 00:35:37,115 --> 00:35:38,825 You just waited here this whole time? 857 00:35:38,825 --> 00:35:40,618 Well, yeah. I mean, I always carry a spare key, right? 858 00:35:40,618 --> 00:35:42,787 That's what I do. And I don't mind waiting. 859 00:35:42,787 --> 00:35:46,499 - It was a quick 25, 30 hours. - Thirty hours? 860 00:35:46,499 --> 00:35:49,168 I would wait a lifetime to make sure Kevin is okay. 861 00:35:49,168 --> 00:35:51,629 Stop it. Stop it. I didn't ask you to do that. 862 00:35:51,629 --> 00:35:54,048 - Don't act like I did. - I know, I know. 863 00:35:54,048 --> 00:35:55,633 And I know you fired me. 864 00:35:55,633 --> 00:35:57,427 Oh, right, you fired him 865 00:35:57,427 --> 00:36:00,096 because he tried to warn you about the Swedish mobster that 866 00:36:00,096 --> 00:36:02,348 was actually a shitty actor who was working 867 00:36:02,348 --> 00:36:03,933 for someone trying to murder us. 868 00:36:03,933 --> 00:36:05,184 Okay, I don't understand what's happening. 869 00:36:05,184 --> 00:36:06,728 I really don't. And Jordan, 870 00:36:06,728 --> 00:36:07,979 I'm just gonna throw this out there right now. 871 00:36:07,979 --> 00:36:09,606 I feel like you're still mad at me. 872 00:36:09,606 --> 00:36:12,191 I will never not be mad at you for the rest of my life. 873 00:36:12,191 --> 00:36:14,777 I am so sorry to interrupt, but where am I going? 874 00:36:14,777 --> 00:36:16,321 Because I've just been driving. 875 00:36:16,321 --> 00:36:17,614 Hey, hey, we're going to my house. 876 00:36:17,614 --> 00:36:18,948 - You got it. - Okay, go to my house. 877 00:36:18,948 --> 00:36:20,366 No, I'm not going to your house. 878 00:36:20,366 --> 00:36:21,743 - I'm going to my house. - Your house it is. 879 00:36:21,743 --> 00:36:23,161 No, you're not going to your house, 880 00:36:23,161 --> 00:36:24,454 because I need to know that you're safe. 881 00:36:24,454 --> 00:36:26,581 Oh, right, yeah, just like Andre wanted 882 00:36:26,581 --> 00:36:28,249 to make sure you were safe. 883 00:36:28,249 --> 00:36:31,169 [Kevin] You know what? I know what you're doing. 884 00:36:31,169 --> 00:36:32,587 I know exactly what you're doing. 885 00:36:32,587 --> 00:36:34,297 You're trying to do one of those things 886 00:36:34,297 --> 00:36:37,759 where you make me evaluate who I am as a person, right? 887 00:36:37,759 --> 00:36:39,552 That's what you're trying to do. But guess what? 888 00:36:39,552 --> 00:36:41,220 I'm not gonna do that, because who I am as a person 889 00:36:41,220 --> 00:36:43,848 is who I'm okay with, and I'm settled in. 890 00:36:43,848 --> 00:36:45,850 [beeping] 891 00:36:45,850 --> 00:36:48,436 [Andre] It's not working. I'm gonna try one more time. 892 00:36:48,436 --> 00:36:49,771 Are you sure you're punching in the right code? 893 00:36:49,771 --> 00:36:51,481 Of course, man. It's your birthday, 894 00:36:51,481 --> 00:36:53,441 like I'd ever forget that. It's tattooed on my inner thigh. 895 00:36:53,441 --> 00:36:55,318 I rub it every morning. 896 00:36:55,318 --> 00:36:56,611 - See what I'm dealing with? - Okay. 897 00:36:56,611 --> 00:36:58,488 All the time, this is what it is. 898 00:36:58,488 --> 00:37:00,365 It's not working. [Jordan] Wait, wait, wait. 899 00:37:00,365 --> 00:37:02,158 Maybe the person who's behind all of this 900 00:37:02,158 --> 00:37:03,660 changed the gate code. 901 00:37:03,660 --> 00:37:06,245 [Kevin] Wait, and they think I'm dead. 902 00:37:06,245 --> 00:37:07,830 So maybe this is to our advantage, right? 903 00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:09,248 [Andre] Hm. [Jordan] Maybe. 904 00:37:09,248 --> 00:37:11,376 Yeah, no, there's-- Oh, shit, security. 905 00:37:11,376 --> 00:37:12,835 It's security, Jordan. Get in the back. Hide. 906 00:37:12,835 --> 00:37:14,420 Dude, maybe we just exit now. Should I go now? 907 00:37:14,420 --> 00:37:15,713 [Kevin] No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 908 00:37:15,713 --> 00:37:17,048 [Andre] I should just-- I'm gonna leave. 909 00:37:17,048 --> 00:37:18,633 You have to leave. Stop, stop, stop. 910 00:37:18,633 --> 00:37:20,468 [Andre] Are you sure? He's huge. He doesn't like me. 911 00:37:20,468 --> 00:37:22,011 [Guard] Sir-- - Hey, what's going on? 912 00:37:22,011 --> 00:37:23,596 How are you, my man? Nice to meet you. 913 00:37:23,596 --> 00:37:25,431 Are you aware you're trespassing on private property? 914 00:37:25,431 --> 00:37:28,476 I did not. I-- I was not aware, no. 915 00:37:28,476 --> 00:37:30,478 Please reverse out and have a nice day. 916 00:37:30,478 --> 00:37:32,605 You got it, my man. [Kevin] No, do not reverse. 917 00:37:32,605 --> 00:37:33,856 - You can't reverse. - You know what? 918 00:37:33,856 --> 00:37:35,483 I'm not-- I can't-- 919 00:37:35,483 --> 00:37:37,694 My boss actually lives inside there. 920 00:37:37,694 --> 00:37:40,071 So if I can just jump in there real quick, it'd be great. 921 00:37:40,071 --> 00:37:41,906 Reverse out now, and no one has to get 922 00:37:41,906 --> 00:37:43,282 pumped full of electricity. 923 00:37:43,282 --> 00:37:45,159 Of course. I'm positive no one needs that. 924 00:37:45,159 --> 00:37:48,496 No, do not reverse. Do not reverse. 925 00:37:48,496 --> 00:37:50,123 - Do not reverse. - I'm not gonna reverse. 926 00:37:50,123 --> 00:37:51,708 Do not fuck with me. 927 00:37:53,418 --> 00:37:55,253 [Kevin] He's bluffing. - You're bluffing. 928 00:37:55,253 --> 00:37:57,296 I assure you, I'm not bluffing. 929 00:37:58,589 --> 00:38:00,258 He's fucking bluffing. 930 00:38:00,258 --> 00:38:02,635 - Fuck with him. He's bluffing. - Fuck you. You're full of-- 931 00:38:02,635 --> 00:38:04,178 [electricity crackling] 932 00:38:04,178 --> 00:38:05,847 [gibbering] 933 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,058 Compliments of Mr. H. 934 00:38:10,727 --> 00:38:12,061 [Kevin] Well, I didn't tell him to do that. 935 00:38:12,061 --> 00:38:13,438 [Jordan] Andre? [Kevin] Is he okay? 936 00:38:13,438 --> 00:38:14,939 [Jordan] Andre? Andre? 937 00:38:20,862 --> 00:38:23,239 [Jordan] Hey, Andre, m-- maybe one of us should just drive. 938 00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,241 [laughing] No, you don't have to worry about that. I got it. 939 00:38:25,241 --> 00:38:27,869 - I got you, my man. - Damn it. 940 00:38:27,869 --> 00:38:29,912 I got a crook in my neck that's a bitch. 941 00:38:29,912 --> 00:38:32,582 I-- I swear, I gotta get to Nina so she can fix this. 942 00:38:32,582 --> 00:38:34,208 - Who's Nina? - Kevin's full-time masseuse. 943 00:38:34,208 --> 00:38:35,585 She's my full-time masseuse. 944 00:38:35,585 --> 00:38:37,587 [laughs] Of course. 945 00:38:37,587 --> 00:38:39,213 Oh, okay, well, I'm glad that my life 946 00:38:39,213 --> 00:38:40,757 getting destroyed amuses you. 947 00:38:40,757 --> 00:38:42,550 Well, didn't you basically ask for all of this? 948 00:38:42,550 --> 00:38:43,926 [mimicking Jordan] No, I didn't basically ask for all of this. 949 00:38:43,926 --> 00:38:46,137 I did not do that. I asked for a movie. 950 00:38:46,137 --> 00:38:47,513 There's a big difference. 951 00:38:47,513 --> 00:38:49,348 A movie has cameras and sound, lights. 952 00:38:49,348 --> 00:38:50,725 That's what that has in it. 953 00:38:50,725 --> 00:38:53,102 This is not the same, not the same. 954 00:38:53,102 --> 00:38:54,687 We need to go to the police. 955 00:38:54,687 --> 00:38:56,689 [Kevin] No, no, we do not need to go to police. 956 00:38:56,689 --> 00:38:59,484 Whoever this guy is, he thinks that we're dead, right? 957 00:38:59,484 --> 00:39:02,487 So we use that to our advantage, okay? 958 00:39:02,487 --> 00:39:04,280 We make him think th-- that we're not here. 959 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,365 We disappear. We just gotta figure out where to go. 960 00:39:06,365 --> 00:39:08,409 Man, this is where Natasha would come in handy, 961 00:39:08,409 --> 00:39:10,036 'cause she would know exactly where we should go. 962 00:39:10,036 --> 00:39:11,704 - And who the hell is Natasha? - She handles-- 963 00:39:11,704 --> 00:39:14,373 She's Kevin's Airbnb consultant. 964 00:39:14,373 --> 00:39:16,000 - This is getting ridiculous. - Oh, my God. 965 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,543 I know exactly where we can go 966 00:39:17,543 --> 00:39:19,170 where no one would ever search for us. 967 00:39:20,588 --> 00:39:24,342 Who's in? 968 00:39:24,342 --> 00:39:26,094 Okay, make yourself at home. 969 00:39:26,094 --> 00:39:27,845 Uh, do you guys want anything to drink? 970 00:39:27,845 --> 00:39:29,180 Kombucha, coffee, tea? 971 00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:31,349 Yes, yes, kombucha would be great. 972 00:39:31,349 --> 00:39:32,600 I don't have it. You called my bluff. 973 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,310 I don't have kombucha. I'm sorry. 974 00:39:34,310 --> 00:39:35,978 - No, water would be brilliant. - Water is gonna be great. 975 00:39:35,978 --> 00:39:37,271 - Thank you, Andre. - Fantastic. 976 00:39:37,271 --> 00:39:38,689 And you? You want some water? 977 00:39:38,689 --> 00:39:40,149 I'm not putting my mouth on a cup of this house. 978 00:39:40,149 --> 00:39:41,567 Nice, nice. 979 00:39:41,567 --> 00:39:44,946 Jesus Christ, you actually live here? 980 00:39:44,946 --> 00:39:46,948 [Andre] Yeah, my little slice of heaven. 981 00:39:46,948 --> 00:39:49,408 Ugh. [Andre] What was that? 982 00:39:49,408 --> 00:39:51,160 - I said, ugh. - I love it. 983 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,955 It's actually really charming. [Andre] Thank you. 984 00:39:53,955 --> 00:39:55,373 You know, my mom and I are kind of always 985 00:39:55,373 --> 00:39:56,791 messing with the motif in here. 986 00:39:56,791 --> 00:39:58,584 Went through a huge Southwestern phase. 987 00:39:58,584 --> 00:40:00,336 So much turquoise. 988 00:40:00,336 --> 00:40:01,587 [Andre and Jordan laugh] 989 00:40:01,587 --> 00:40:03,214 So your mom helped you decorate? 990 00:40:03,214 --> 00:40:05,299 Oh, yeah, big-time. She's my roommate. 991 00:40:05,299 --> 00:40:06,884 [Kevin scoffs] 992 00:40:06,884 --> 00:40:08,845 - She's right there. - You gotta be shitting me. 993 00:40:08,845 --> 00:40:10,346 No, no, no, don't be afraid. 994 00:40:10,346 --> 00:40:11,931 Don't be afraid. Watch this. 995 00:40:11,931 --> 00:40:13,141 You want to meet her? [Kevin] No, I don't have to. 996 00:40:13,141 --> 00:40:14,725 Here we go. Mom, you're okay? 997 00:40:14,725 --> 00:40:16,686 Your mouth was open real wide. [Kevin] Oh, my God. 998 00:40:18,729 --> 00:40:21,274 - Oh, my. Oh, my. - Don't charge me. 999 00:40:21,274 --> 00:40:23,442 Oh, my God. [Andre] Fix your bra. 1000 00:40:23,442 --> 00:40:28,239 It's-- it's Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1001 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,824 It's a family... No, you don't have to-- 1002 00:40:29,824 --> 00:40:31,242 Oh! 1003 00:40:31,242 --> 00:40:33,578 And-- and Jordan King. 1004 00:40:33,578 --> 00:40:35,371 Or should I call you Wheezy? 1005 00:40:35,371 --> 00:40:37,206 [laughs] No, that's just a role 1006 00:40:37,206 --> 00:40:39,208 I'm not paid nearly enough to play. 1007 00:40:39,208 --> 00:40:40,626 Uh, "Jordan" is fine. 1008 00:40:40,626 --> 00:40:42,587 [laughs] Come here. I gotta squeeze ya. 1009 00:40:42,587 --> 00:40:44,422 Come here. Oh! 1010 00:40:44,422 --> 00:40:47,175 You two gotta eat. We're gonna have a feast. 1011 00:40:47,175 --> 00:40:48,593 Andre, go to the freezer. 1012 00:40:48,593 --> 00:40:50,303 We're gonna defrost the Christmas pork chop. 1013 00:40:50,303 --> 00:40:52,346 We're doing the Christmas pork chops? 1014 00:40:52,346 --> 00:40:53,764 [Andre] We've been waiting for this for, like, six years. 1015 00:40:53,764 --> 00:40:55,600 I don't think we have that much time. 1016 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,351 You don't have to do that. We don't want to steal your meat. 1017 00:40:57,351 --> 00:40:58,603 - We have plenty of time. - You gotta save that meat. 1018 00:40:58,603 --> 00:41:00,021 You're eating my meat. 1019 00:41:00,021 --> 00:41:01,564 [Andre] Tell him, mom. Tell him! 1020 00:41:01,564 --> 00:41:03,024 - No, no, no, no. - You're gonna want my meat. 1021 00:41:03,024 --> 00:41:04,317 No, we don't want your meat. 1022 00:41:04,317 --> 00:41:05,693 People talk about it all the time. 1023 00:41:05,693 --> 00:41:07,278 - Well, we don't-- - Did you hurt yourself? 1024 00:41:07,278 --> 00:41:08,529 [Kevin] This is not-- - Did you know there was-- 1025 00:41:08,529 --> 00:41:10,531 Ah, shit, woman! 1026 00:41:10,531 --> 00:41:12,617 Did you know there was blood there? 1027 00:41:12,617 --> 00:41:14,911 - Yeah-- Ow, ow! - And up here? 1028 00:41:14,911 --> 00:41:17,163 - Stop. - God, you are Kevin Hart. 1029 00:41:17,163 --> 00:41:19,665 You can't walk around with bloody clothes on. 1030 00:41:19,665 --> 00:41:21,959 You're too sophisticated. Take your shirt off. 1031 00:41:21,959 --> 00:41:23,336 - Come on, I'm gonna wash it. - That's alright. 1032 00:41:23,336 --> 00:41:25,046 I'm already doing a bloody load. 1033 00:41:25,046 --> 00:41:26,756 Come on, take it off. Come on. 1034 00:41:26,756 --> 00:41:28,090 [Andre] Take it off, Kevin. What are we doing? 1035 00:41:28,090 --> 00:41:29,717 Yeah. [Andre] Come on. 1036 00:41:29,717 --> 00:41:31,010 [Jordan] So nice of you. - Somebody's got a cute tummy. 1037 00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:32,637 [Andre laughs] 1038 00:41:32,637 --> 00:41:34,222 [Kevin] Come on, that's a lie. - Mom, look at him. 1039 00:41:34,222 --> 00:41:35,514 Remember, I was telling you about his belly button? 1040 00:41:35,514 --> 00:41:36,724 It's right there, mom. You got it. 1041 00:41:36,724 --> 00:41:38,226 Take my chance. [blows raspberry] 1042 00:41:38,226 --> 00:41:40,353 Oh, god. Let me just-- Please, let me get it. 1043 00:41:40,353 --> 00:41:42,271 Stop it, please. [Cynthia] Oh my goodness. 1044 00:41:42,271 --> 00:41:44,273 [Kevin] Thank you. You got-- - Oh, that's-- 1045 00:41:44,273 --> 00:41:46,525 - You gotta be kidding me. - Well, that hit my eyes. 1046 00:41:46,525 --> 00:41:48,778 That is-- that is-- 1047 00:41:48,778 --> 00:41:50,655 - That's a man right there. - Yeah, we were filming. 1048 00:41:50,655 --> 00:41:52,281 [Cynthia] That is good. - We're doing an improv action-- 1049 00:41:52,281 --> 00:41:53,950 I can't believe he's in our house. I love you so much. 1050 00:41:53,950 --> 00:41:55,952 [Kevin] ...movie where basically all of the action... 1051 00:41:58,079 --> 00:42:00,331 - Such nice people. - Nice people? 1052 00:42:00,331 --> 00:42:02,208 - Who? - You're so mean. 1053 00:42:02,208 --> 00:42:04,460 How can you be mean to this guy? Look at him. 1054 00:42:04,460 --> 00:42:08,923 He might be the nicest, sweetest person I've ever encountered. 1055 00:42:08,923 --> 00:42:11,550 How could you fire him? 1056 00:42:11,550 --> 00:42:13,010 You want me to start at the beginning? I don't know. 1057 00:42:13,010 --> 00:42:15,513 Maybe because he doesn't respect boundaries. 1058 00:42:15,513 --> 00:42:18,933 - He cares about you. - Oh, you just stop it. 1059 00:42:18,933 --> 00:42:21,185 The man clipped my goddamn toenails one time... 1060 00:42:22,645 --> 00:42:25,523 while I was in bed... with a woman. 1061 00:42:27,066 --> 00:42:30,528 Exactly. Struggling, by the way, to perform. 1062 00:42:30,528 --> 00:42:33,406 Had a lot on my mind, a lot on my mind. 1063 00:42:33,406 --> 00:42:35,241 Brown gummy worm was in full effect. 1064 00:42:35,241 --> 00:42:36,993 - I don't want to know this. - Loose noodle. 1065 00:42:36,993 --> 00:42:38,536 Call it what you want. I looked down. 1066 00:42:38,536 --> 00:42:40,746 I see his face looking up at me. Now I got no shot. 1067 00:42:40,746 --> 00:42:43,374 Okay, thank you for the context. 1068 00:42:43,374 --> 00:42:45,626 Just giving you-- giving you a play-by-play. 1069 00:42:45,626 --> 00:42:50,631 But listen, when I go to set, it's me acting, right? 1070 00:42:50,631 --> 00:42:55,845 But to get there, I've got reps, my dialect coach, my assistant. 1071 00:42:55,845 --> 00:42:57,471 And then there's personal trainer, 1072 00:42:57,471 --> 00:43:00,850 hair stylists, makeup artists. The-- the list goes on. 1073 00:43:00,850 --> 00:43:04,353 And then there's family and friends who have supported me 1074 00:43:04,353 --> 00:43:06,772 and sacrificed for me. 1075 00:43:06,772 --> 00:43:08,357 I'm sorry. I got lost in what you were saying 1076 00:43:08,357 --> 00:43:09,900 'cause I felt it was bullshit. 1077 00:43:09,900 --> 00:43:12,528 You have that, too, Kevin, and then some, okay? 1078 00:43:12,528 --> 00:43:13,946 It's why you're a star. 1079 00:43:13,946 --> 00:43:15,489 No, that's not true. 1080 00:43:15,489 --> 00:43:19,243 I'm a star because I made myself a star with this. 1081 00:43:19,243 --> 00:43:22,663 Sure, yeah, that's the story you keep telling yourself, 1082 00:43:22,663 --> 00:43:24,165 but you had help. 1083 00:43:24,165 --> 00:43:26,250 Okay. 1084 00:43:26,250 --> 00:43:28,002 Hey, how are you guys doing? 1085 00:43:28,002 --> 00:43:29,962 [laughs] The pork chops are smelling 1086 00:43:29,962 --> 00:43:32,214 so much like shrimp right now, it's amazing. 1087 00:43:32,214 --> 00:43:33,591 I got you a shirt, my man. 1088 00:43:33,591 --> 00:43:35,885 I think it'll fit perfectly, okay? 1089 00:43:35,885 --> 00:43:37,553 Do you see it? [Kevin] Nice. 1090 00:43:37,553 --> 00:43:39,180 [Andre] Yeah, I made that myself. 1091 00:43:39,180 --> 00:43:41,390 Okay, thank you for that. 1092 00:43:43,267 --> 00:43:46,020 Ah, I wanted to ask you earlier, but I didn't get a chance to. 1093 00:43:46,020 --> 00:43:47,563 Who's-- who's that? 1094 00:43:47,563 --> 00:43:49,023 - This one? - Yeah. 1095 00:43:49,023 --> 00:43:51,567 That's my dad. He's been gone a long time. 1096 00:43:53,194 --> 00:43:54,487 - Really? - Yeah. 1097 00:43:54,487 --> 00:43:56,238 Same. 1098 00:43:56,238 --> 00:43:57,573 Hey, you know, my mom raised me. 1099 00:43:57,573 --> 00:43:59,492 I know. 1100 00:43:59,492 --> 00:44:02,036 Did your dad, uh, get a little afraid 1101 00:44:02,036 --> 00:44:03,871 of parenthood and run off? 1102 00:44:03,871 --> 00:44:05,247 It wasn't anything like that, actually. 1103 00:44:05,247 --> 00:44:07,333 He was amazing. He was kind. 1104 00:44:07,333 --> 00:44:08,793 Uh, he was gentle. 1105 00:44:08,793 --> 00:44:11,545 By the way, Richard Pryor's assistant. 1106 00:44:11,545 --> 00:44:13,297 Your dad is Rich... 1107 00:44:13,297 --> 00:44:14,590 I guess you could say assisting 1108 00:44:14,590 --> 00:44:15,925 just runs in the family, right? 1109 00:44:15,925 --> 00:44:17,718 Wow. That's legendary, man. 1110 00:44:17,718 --> 00:44:19,303 - It is, right? - That's huge. 1111 00:44:19,303 --> 00:44:22,014 It's huge, until it killed him. 1112 00:44:22,014 --> 00:44:23,891 What do you mean? 1113 00:44:23,891 --> 00:44:28,104 It's a big show, and crazy fan got through security. 1114 00:44:28,104 --> 00:44:31,232 So my dad jumped in the way of a knife 1115 00:44:31,232 --> 00:44:32,733 that was meant for Richard Pryor. 1116 00:44:32,733 --> 00:44:34,652 [Kevin] You're playing. [Andre] No. 1117 00:44:34,652 --> 00:44:36,112 - Cut him from the stomach-- - What? 1118 00:44:36,112 --> 00:44:37,530 Right up, back down. 1119 00:44:37,530 --> 00:44:39,031 - What? - Killed my dad on the spot. 1120 00:44:39,031 --> 00:44:41,033 Oh, my God, man. 1121 00:44:41,033 --> 00:44:42,827 I can't. I can't process that. 1122 00:44:42,827 --> 00:44:44,829 Neither could I. It was enormous for our whole family. 1123 00:44:44,829 --> 00:44:47,540 Why would somebody want to kill Richard Pryor? 1124 00:44:48,999 --> 00:44:50,751 Huh? 1125 00:44:50,751 --> 00:44:53,337 Who? [Andre] Well, yeah, why? 1126 00:44:53,337 --> 00:44:55,339 That's crazy, right? 1127 00:44:55,339 --> 00:44:56,966 Yeah. I bet, by the way-- 1128 00:44:56,966 --> 00:44:58,968 I bet my dad, when he was dying, was looking up 1129 00:44:58,968 --> 00:45:01,303 and was like, Why would you do this, or something like that. 1130 00:45:01,303 --> 00:45:03,389 - Has to be, right? - Maybe, maybe. Maybe not. 1131 00:45:03,389 --> 00:45:05,015 I mean, at that point, that's not what's important. 1132 00:45:05,015 --> 00:45:06,225 Somebody tried to kill Richard. 1133 00:45:06,225 --> 00:45:07,601 Right, my dad was already dead. 1134 00:45:07,601 --> 00:45:08,978 The thing we gotta worry about is... 1135 00:45:08,978 --> 00:45:10,271 - Who is this guy? - God's gonna do-- 1136 00:45:10,271 --> 00:45:11,605 Are there more of 'em? Yeah. 1137 00:45:11,605 --> 00:45:13,315 - Okay? You can't rewrite that. - No. 1138 00:45:13,315 --> 00:45:14,859 No, we can't. I tried to. 1139 00:45:14,859 --> 00:45:16,569 God, I've been to so much therapy 1140 00:45:16,569 --> 00:45:19,071 trying to rewrite that moment. What could I have done? 1141 00:45:19,071 --> 00:45:20,865 I was a child, but maybe I could have jumped in the way, 1142 00:45:20,865 --> 00:45:23,576 or something like that. Yeah. 1143 00:45:23,576 --> 00:45:25,536 On the bright side, though, if you think about it, 1144 00:45:25,536 --> 00:45:29,290 he died doing what he loved the most, assisting. 1145 00:45:29,290 --> 00:45:31,542 He was so happy that he brought joy 1146 00:45:31,542 --> 00:45:35,337 to someone who brought joy to so many people. 1147 00:45:35,337 --> 00:45:37,298 He taught me every single thing I knew. 1148 00:45:40,426 --> 00:45:42,887 You know, man, maybe-- 1149 00:45:42,887 --> 00:45:45,556 Maybe I didn't mean to fire you. 1150 00:45:45,556 --> 00:45:49,477 I think your exact words were, I didn't need a stunt man. 1151 00:45:49,477 --> 00:45:51,854 I sure as hell don't need an assistant. 1152 00:45:51,854 --> 00:45:53,481 You said it to me. You yelled it. 1153 00:45:53,481 --> 00:45:56,734 And then you told me to get out of your car, right? 1154 00:45:56,734 --> 00:45:58,903 Oh, no, you're absolutely-- You're-- you're right. 1155 00:45:58,903 --> 00:46:01,155 But I'm just saying, now, looking back, 1156 00:46:01,155 --> 00:46:03,741 I'm saying, maybe I do-- 1157 00:46:03,741 --> 00:46:07,828 Maybe I still do need an assistant. 1158 00:46:07,828 --> 00:46:09,788 Oh, God. Alright? 1159 00:46:11,248 --> 00:46:12,917 - I need you, too. - No-- 1160 00:46:12,917 --> 00:46:15,461 - I need you, too. - Not the same. 1161 00:46:15,461 --> 00:46:17,922 - Oh, fuck. - Yeah. 1162 00:46:17,922 --> 00:46:19,924 I have never been this hard. 1163 00:46:19,924 --> 00:46:21,383 Alright, I'm gonna tell my mom. 1164 00:46:21,383 --> 00:46:23,552 Mom, you'll never believe it! 1165 00:46:23,552 --> 00:46:25,054 Congratulations. 1166 00:46:27,431 --> 00:46:29,016 Something else, huh? 1167 00:46:30,851 --> 00:46:32,645 [groans] 1168 00:46:35,022 --> 00:46:36,565 [Jordan] I'm proud of you. - Shut up. 1169 00:46:38,651 --> 00:46:40,277 You know, if you start treating everyone 1170 00:46:40,277 --> 00:46:42,404 in the Kevin Hart universe with that level of respect, 1171 00:46:42,404 --> 00:46:45,157 I think you'll be happy with your life. 1172 00:46:45,157 --> 00:46:47,034 You really are something else. 1173 00:46:47,034 --> 00:46:48,953 I mean, you paint me out to be such a monster. 1174 00:46:48,953 --> 00:46:52,706 Name one other person that I have disrespected, just one. 1175 00:46:52,706 --> 00:46:54,166 Give me one. 1176 00:46:56,043 --> 00:46:57,878 I can absolutely name someone. 1177 00:47:01,966 --> 00:47:03,384 [Kevin] Hey, Jordan. - Yeah, hi. 1178 00:47:03,384 --> 00:47:04,885 I just looked at the call sheet. 1179 00:47:04,885 --> 00:47:06,262 I didn't see your stunt double on there. 1180 00:47:06,262 --> 00:47:08,681 - Oh, I sent her home. - Why? 1181 00:47:08,681 --> 00:47:10,933 Well, I grew up on motorcycles, and it's a simple one today. 1182 00:47:10,933 --> 00:47:12,476 I just have to drive through the glass 1183 00:47:12,476 --> 00:47:13,894 of a dry-cleaning business before it explodes. 1184 00:47:13,894 --> 00:47:15,854 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1185 00:47:15,854 --> 00:47:19,024 Simple for who? Who? Who's it simple for, you? 1186 00:47:19,024 --> 00:47:20,985 Well, that's what you have Doug for? 1187 00:47:20,985 --> 00:47:22,444 Do you know what this would look like if you go 1188 00:47:22,444 --> 00:47:24,488 do all your own stunts and I don't do mine? 1189 00:47:24,488 --> 00:47:26,407 Do you know what people will think of me? 1190 00:47:26,407 --> 00:47:28,325 Uh, they'll think you're an actor? 1191 00:47:28,325 --> 00:47:29,868 And listen, I'm not jumping off the cliff. 1192 00:47:29,868 --> 00:47:31,328 I'm not jumping out of a plane, 1193 00:47:31,328 --> 00:47:32,746 and I ain't fighting no alligator for anyone. 1194 00:47:32,746 --> 00:47:34,373 You don't think I can do my own stunts. 1195 00:47:34,373 --> 00:47:36,000 You don't think I'm tough enough? 1196 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,711 That's what Doug is for, for exactly this thing. 1197 00:47:38,711 --> 00:47:40,671 You think I need Doug? 1198 00:47:40,671 --> 00:47:42,423 Absolutely. 1199 00:47:42,423 --> 00:47:43,966 Maybe I don't. 1200 00:47:43,966 --> 00:47:45,634 Maybe I don't need Doug. 1201 00:47:47,386 --> 00:47:48,804 I think he just heard you. 1202 00:47:52,308 --> 00:47:54,476 Hey, Doug. 1203 00:47:54,476 --> 00:47:56,061 I'm gonna go talk to Doug. 1204 00:47:57,605 --> 00:47:58,814 Kevin. 1205 00:47:58,814 --> 00:48:02,443 [Kevin] Hey, there he is, my guy. 1206 00:48:02,443 --> 00:48:04,361 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 1207 00:48:04,361 --> 00:48:07,740 [laughs] You ain't gonna believe this shit. 1208 00:48:07,740 --> 00:48:09,325 I'm talking to Jordan. 1209 00:48:09,325 --> 00:48:11,327 I just found out Jordan sent her stunt double home. 1210 00:48:11,327 --> 00:48:12,745 You know what she trying to do. 1211 00:48:12,745 --> 00:48:14,455 You know exactly what she trying to do. 1212 00:48:14,455 --> 00:48:16,373 She trying to show me up, and I'm not gonna have that. 1213 00:48:16,373 --> 00:48:19,084 I can't have that. I'm Kevin Hart, right? 1214 00:48:19,084 --> 00:48:21,253 [laughs] 1215 00:48:21,253 --> 00:48:23,255 So, here's the thing, right? 1216 00:48:23,255 --> 00:48:25,090 Let's get into this relationship 1217 00:48:25,090 --> 00:48:26,592 'cause it's one of the best that I've ever had. 1218 00:48:26,592 --> 00:48:28,260 How long you been with me, man? 1219 00:48:28,260 --> 00:48:29,678 Damn, that long, huh? 1220 00:48:29,678 --> 00:48:31,555 It's been a long time. 1221 00:48:31,555 --> 00:48:32,931 I know you gonna be fine, 1222 00:48:32,931 --> 00:48:34,475 and it's time for you to fly, right? 1223 00:48:34,475 --> 00:48:38,062 So with that being said, uh, we're done. 1224 00:48:38,062 --> 00:48:40,064 I-- I'm gonna go ahead and-- 1225 00:48:40,064 --> 00:48:43,150 Is "fired" the word, I guess? I guess it is "fired." 1226 00:48:43,150 --> 00:48:45,069 So I'mma fire you, but in a, 1227 00:48:45,069 --> 00:48:48,113 but in a dope way to where we still cool. 1228 00:48:48,113 --> 00:48:49,948 I-- I'm gonna go on and get ready. 1229 00:48:51,575 --> 00:48:53,202 My guy! 1230 00:48:53,202 --> 00:48:55,579 - It's stunt time. - Kevin, this is a terrible-- 1231 00:48:55,579 --> 00:48:57,498 [Kevin] It's stunt time! 1232 00:48:57,498 --> 00:48:59,375 [Jordan] Listen, I'm not trying to show you up. 1233 00:48:59,375 --> 00:49:01,543 [Kevin] Hey! Enough, Jordan. 1234 00:49:01,543 --> 00:49:04,922 It's all good, Mr. Action Star. 1235 00:49:08,592 --> 00:49:09,802 [glass breaks] 1236 00:49:09,802 --> 00:49:11,762 Now, you listen to me, alright? 1237 00:49:11,762 --> 00:49:13,722 I've been in this business for goddamn-- 1238 00:49:13,722 --> 00:49:15,599 goddamn, how long? 1239 00:49:15,599 --> 00:49:17,267 How long? 1240 00:49:17,267 --> 00:49:19,395 You telling me that my goddamn reputation 1241 00:49:19,395 --> 00:49:21,522 doesn't speak for myself? 1242 00:49:21,522 --> 00:49:23,107 It fucking should! 1243 00:49:25,067 --> 00:49:27,152 When-- when does Cap Four shoot? 1244 00:49:27,152 --> 00:49:29,321 Does Mackie have a guy? 1245 00:49:29,321 --> 00:49:30,906 He does. He gets it. 1246 00:49:30,906 --> 00:49:32,574 Everybody's got a fucking guy, huh? 1247 00:49:32,574 --> 00:49:36,120 What about Adam Driver? Now, you said he's billed. Huh? 1248 00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,038 Listen, I can do work for him. 1249 00:49:38,038 --> 00:49:41,125 I-- I can be Adam's driver, right? 1250 00:49:41,125 --> 00:49:43,168 Yeah, no, listen, I'm serious about that. 1251 00:49:43,168 --> 00:49:45,921 I don't give a fuck. I'll drive. 1252 00:49:45,921 --> 00:49:49,633 I-- I'll be Adam's driver driver driver if I have to. 1253 00:49:49,633 --> 00:49:52,553 God damn it Scott!-- Fuck you! 1254 00:49:52,553 --> 00:49:55,389 [crying] I've been in the goddamn business for years. 1255 00:49:55,389 --> 00:49:57,224 [sniffles] 1256 00:49:57,224 --> 00:49:59,768 [sobbing] 1257 00:50:00,519 --> 00:50:02,938 [ominous music] 1258 00:50:30,966 --> 00:50:32,468 [Kevin on TV] You know what? 1259 00:50:32,468 --> 00:50:34,470 This is my me time. I really enjoy working. 1260 00:50:34,470 --> 00:50:37,389 I find a lot of peace, happiness, 1261 00:50:37,389 --> 00:50:40,225 and, uh, solace in creating. 1262 00:50:40,225 --> 00:50:43,520 And now my creating is about putting other people 1263 00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:46,899 in positions to win, um, amplifying other careers 1264 00:50:46,899 --> 00:50:48,400 and opportunities, not just me. 1265 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,819 So, hopefully, it continues to grow. 1266 00:50:50,819 --> 00:50:52,154 [Kevin] I can't believe that my stuntman 1267 00:50:52,154 --> 00:50:53,822 would do this to me. 1268 00:50:53,822 --> 00:50:55,324 Ex-stuntman. 1269 00:50:55,324 --> 00:50:58,202 No, I gotta do something about this-- Oh. 1270 00:50:58,202 --> 00:50:59,536 Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin. 1271 00:50:59,536 --> 00:51:01,955 Uh-oh. Oh, no. Let mom look at this. 1272 00:51:01,955 --> 00:51:03,332 Hold on. Oh. 1273 00:51:03,332 --> 00:51:04,833 Oh, we gotta change this dressing. 1274 00:51:04,833 --> 00:51:06,126 Take him to the bedroom. 1275 00:51:06,126 --> 00:51:07,544 - Prop him up. - Here we go. 1276 00:51:07,544 --> 00:51:08,962 - Get some wet towels. - Here we go. 1277 00:51:08,962 --> 00:51:10,422 Shouldn't he go to a hospital? 1278 00:51:10,422 --> 00:51:12,299 No. I'll get him back on track. 1279 00:51:12,299 --> 00:51:14,218 It's what I do. 1280 00:51:14,218 --> 00:51:15,803 Wait, you're a doctor? 1281 00:51:15,803 --> 00:51:17,638 [Cynthia] I'm better than a doctor. 1282 00:51:17,638 --> 00:51:19,765 I'm a mom. 1283 00:51:19,765 --> 00:51:21,350 Left, right, left, right. 1284 00:51:21,350 --> 00:51:23,519 [groans] 1285 00:51:23,519 --> 00:51:24,853 He's gonna be fine. 1286 00:51:24,853 --> 00:51:27,105 My mom is a miracle-worker. 1287 00:51:27,105 --> 00:51:28,857 How about you? Are you okay? 1288 00:51:28,857 --> 00:51:31,860 Uh... Well, not really. This is my problem, too. 1289 00:51:31,860 --> 00:51:34,655 Doug probably blames me for losing his job. 1290 00:51:34,655 --> 00:51:37,115 That's why he's put me in this deadly little game of his, 1291 00:51:37,115 --> 00:51:38,492 just for payback. 1292 00:51:38,492 --> 00:51:40,327 Yeah. Okay, that's fine, then. 1293 00:51:40,327 --> 00:51:41,954 When Kevin gets back to full health, 1294 00:51:41,954 --> 00:51:43,914 he will think of an incredible plan for all of us. 1295 00:51:43,914 --> 00:51:45,749 No, no, fuck that. We can't just sit here. 1296 00:51:45,749 --> 00:51:48,502 We need to do something. We need to get to the bottom of this. 1297 00:51:48,502 --> 00:51:50,295 Who is the person Kevin trusts the most? 1298 00:51:50,295 --> 00:51:51,964 - His agent. - Really? 1299 00:51:51,964 --> 00:51:53,882 Yeah. 1300 00:51:53,882 --> 00:51:55,551 Let's pay them a visit. 1301 00:51:55,551 --> 00:51:57,386 Right now? We can't go right now. 1302 00:51:57,386 --> 00:51:59,888 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jordan, we can't go right now. 1303 00:51:59,888 --> 00:52:01,306 [Andre] But what about this? What about this? 1304 00:52:01,306 --> 00:52:02,850 You're famous, Jordan. You get in there, 1305 00:52:02,850 --> 00:52:04,685 they're gonna recognize you. That's a problem. 1306 00:52:04,685 --> 00:52:07,813 Second is, Doug actually thinks that you're dead, right? 1307 00:52:07,813 --> 00:52:10,065 - You blew up. - Shit, you're right. 1308 00:52:11,775 --> 00:52:13,485 Oh, my God, I just thought of something amazing. 1309 00:52:13,485 --> 00:52:15,737 Thank me. Thank me now. 1310 00:52:15,737 --> 00:52:17,072 Let me hear it first? 1311 00:52:17,072 --> 00:52:18,490 Smart. That's a smart move, okay? 1312 00:52:18,490 --> 00:52:20,158 In the back, there's a disguise. 1313 00:52:20,158 --> 00:52:21,618 I always keep a spare disguise for Kevin in the back. 1314 00:52:21,618 --> 00:52:23,078 Grab that bag real quick. 1315 00:52:23,078 --> 00:52:25,831 - You have spare disguises? - Yes. 1316 00:52:25,831 --> 00:52:28,834 I mean, sometimes Kevin likes to live anonymously, right? 1317 00:52:28,834 --> 00:52:32,004 Whether he wants to go grocery shopping, feed the ducks, 1318 00:52:32,004 --> 00:52:33,589 heckle a stranger. 1319 00:52:35,507 --> 00:52:39,094 [scoffs] Yeah, I'm not wearing this. 1320 00:52:39,094 --> 00:52:41,346 [Andre] Come on. Did you see all of them real quick? 1321 00:52:41,346 --> 00:52:43,140 Like this one right here, okay? This one right here-- 1322 00:52:43,140 --> 00:52:44,933 - Andre, the road! - I'm doing it. 1323 00:52:44,933 --> 00:52:46,602 It's a hard left with my knees, baby. 1324 00:52:46,602 --> 00:52:48,312 Look at this. 1325 00:52:48,312 --> 00:52:50,772 [funky music] 1326 00:52:54,735 --> 00:52:57,362 This is so embarrassing. 1327 00:52:57,362 --> 00:52:59,364 We're lucky that you and Kevin are the same size, 1328 00:52:59,364 --> 00:53:01,033 you know what I mean? 1329 00:53:01,033 --> 00:53:03,243 Think about this as your greatest acting role to date. 1330 00:53:03,243 --> 00:53:05,245 You got this. You got this! 1331 00:53:08,123 --> 00:53:09,541 That's fantastic. Okay, and-- 1332 00:53:09,541 --> 00:53:11,418 [taps] 1333 00:53:11,418 --> 00:53:15,547 Uh, we're here to see, ahem, Scott Hayman. 1334 00:53:15,547 --> 00:53:16,882 Okay. 1335 00:53:19,134 --> 00:53:21,011 And you are? 1336 00:53:21,011 --> 00:53:23,889 Ronald Mondolvia III! 1337 00:53:23,889 --> 00:53:25,807 A pleasure to meet you. 1338 00:53:25,807 --> 00:53:28,101 And this is the wickedly talented-- 1339 00:53:29,728 --> 00:53:31,772 Bill. [clears throat] My name is Bill. 1340 00:53:33,857 --> 00:53:36,735 Bill Mondolvia. We're both Mondolvians. 1341 00:53:36,735 --> 00:53:40,447 This is my uncle on my mama's side. 1342 00:53:40,447 --> 00:53:43,158 Shit-fuck, can this man cook a goose. 1343 00:53:47,245 --> 00:53:48,580 What was all that before? 1344 00:53:48,580 --> 00:53:50,290 Mondolvia... That's nobody's surname. 1345 00:53:50,290 --> 00:53:51,875 What do you expect, okay? 1346 00:53:51,875 --> 00:53:54,670 I couldn't concentrate. Your accent was fucking insane. 1347 00:53:54,670 --> 00:53:57,589 - My accent? - Yes. "Blah, blah, blah." 1348 00:53:57,589 --> 00:53:59,800 Okay, it wasn't great, but I mean-- 1349 00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:01,426 - My accent? I nailed my accent. - It doesn't matter. 1350 00:54:01,426 --> 00:54:03,136 It doesn't matter, because there's no way 1351 00:54:03,136 --> 00:54:05,597 they're letting us go back to see Kevin's agent, okay? 1352 00:54:05,597 --> 00:54:07,099 They've probably already called security. 1353 00:54:07,099 --> 00:54:08,809 So if security comes, 1354 00:54:08,809 --> 00:54:11,103 we just pretend to be Ronald and Bill Mondolvia, 1355 00:54:11,103 --> 00:54:13,105 the very famous Instagram influencers 1356 00:54:13,105 --> 00:54:14,856 who make unboxing videos. 1357 00:54:14,856 --> 00:54:16,316 What is this? 1358 00:54:16,316 --> 00:54:17,818 We unbox it, and it's a smaller box, okay? 1359 00:54:17,818 --> 00:54:20,237 No, no, no. She's going to the loo. 1360 00:54:20,237 --> 00:54:22,030 I don't think that Bill would call it the loo. 1361 00:54:22,030 --> 00:54:23,532 I feel like he's more old-school. 1362 00:54:23,532 --> 00:54:25,409 I feel like she's about to take a shit. 1363 00:54:27,703 --> 00:54:29,037 [whispering] Play it cool. 1364 00:54:30,706 --> 00:54:32,499 Like and subscribe, please! 1365 00:54:35,210 --> 00:54:37,129 [whispering] Stop, stop, stop. Right there, right there. 1366 00:54:37,129 --> 00:54:39,089 Right there, that's Kevin's agent. 1367 00:54:39,089 --> 00:54:40,799 Who is he talking to? 1368 00:54:40,799 --> 00:54:42,759 [laughing] 1369 00:54:42,759 --> 00:54:44,928 How are you doing, man? 1370 00:54:44,928 --> 00:54:46,888 It's not Kevin. 1371 00:54:46,888 --> 00:54:49,850 [moaning] 1372 00:54:49,850 --> 00:54:51,560 [Cynthia shushes] 1373 00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:52,644 [water sloshing] 1374 00:54:52,644 --> 00:54:54,980 Try not to move. 1375 00:54:54,980 --> 00:54:57,107 Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength. 1376 00:54:57,107 --> 00:54:58,692 [Kevin moans] 1377 00:54:58,692 --> 00:55:04,531 As long as it takes, you'll be here in my house, 1378 00:55:04,531 --> 00:55:09,995 listening to my stories, eating my Christmas pork chops. 1379 00:55:09,995 --> 00:55:12,080 [Kevin moans] 1380 00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:13,957 [Cynthia shushes] 1381 00:55:16,251 --> 00:55:21,006 When my husband was wounded years ago, I couldn't save him, 1382 00:55:21,006 --> 00:55:24,134 but now I've got a second chance with you, 1383 00:55:24,134 --> 00:55:27,304 Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1384 00:55:29,598 --> 00:55:31,224 Cynthia's treasure. 1385 00:55:31,224 --> 00:55:33,727 [ominous music] 1386 00:55:33,727 --> 00:55:35,353 [phone ringing] 1387 00:55:35,353 --> 00:55:36,480 [Cynthia on phone] Hello? 1388 00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:38,023 Mom, mom, put Kevin on. 1389 00:55:38,023 --> 00:55:39,691 [Cynthia on phone] I can't. He's sleeping. 1390 00:55:39,691 --> 00:55:41,318 [Andre] It's an emergency. Put him on right now, mom. 1391 00:55:41,318 --> 00:55:43,403 Come on, wake him up. 1392 00:55:43,403 --> 00:55:45,113 [Kevin on phone] Hello? 1393 00:55:45,113 --> 00:55:47,407 Are you here to rescue me? I think I've been poisoned. 1394 00:55:47,407 --> 00:55:49,242 Kevin, listen up very closely, okay? 1395 00:55:49,242 --> 00:55:50,786 We've just been on a deep-cover 1396 00:55:50,786 --> 00:55:52,454 reconnaissance mission, and we fucking nailed it. 1397 00:55:52,454 --> 00:55:54,414 [Jordan] Doug is you. You've been replaced by Doug. 1398 00:55:54,414 --> 00:55:56,792 [Kevin on phone] Wait, what? Replaced? I don't understand. 1399 00:55:56,792 --> 00:55:58,376 That's because my mommy just gave you 1400 00:55:58,376 --> 00:56:00,712 a very low-dose narcotic. Don't worry about it. 1401 00:56:00,712 --> 00:56:03,006 But when you come to, you have to understand 1402 00:56:03,006 --> 00:56:05,550 that Doug is trying to convince people that he's you. 1403 00:56:05,550 --> 00:56:07,385 He's fixed his teeth. He's changed his hair. 1404 00:56:07,385 --> 00:56:11,640 I mean, his mannerisms... Oh, my God, he's-- he's you. 1405 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,934 [Kevin on phone] Yeah, well, he can't fool my staff. 1406 00:56:13,934 --> 00:56:15,519 They'll know it's not me. 1407 00:56:15,519 --> 00:56:17,187 They're my village. 1408 00:56:17,187 --> 00:56:18,939 [people chanting "Kevin"] 1409 00:56:18,939 --> 00:56:22,442 You get a raise. You get a raise. 1410 00:56:22,442 --> 00:56:23,819 You get a raise. 1411 00:56:23,819 --> 00:56:26,404 That's right, everybody gets a raise, huh? 1412 00:56:26,404 --> 00:56:28,573 You know why? 'Cause I'm Kevin. 1413 00:56:28,573 --> 00:56:30,617 I'm Kevin! 1414 00:56:30,617 --> 00:56:32,536 Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very tired. 1415 00:56:32,536 --> 00:56:34,121 He needs his rest. [Jordan] No, no, no, no. 1416 00:56:34,121 --> 00:56:35,455 [Andre on phone] Mom, no-- [Cynthia] Bye. 1417 00:56:35,455 --> 00:56:36,790 [Kevin moans] 1418 00:56:36,790 --> 00:56:38,625 [Cynthia shushes] 1419 00:56:41,628 --> 00:56:43,755 If Kevin wants to get through to Doug, 1420 00:56:43,755 --> 00:56:48,301 there's only one man he can talk to, Mr. 206. 1421 00:56:48,301 --> 00:56:50,178 I don't-- Who's-- who's Mr. 206? 1422 00:56:50,178 --> 00:56:51,763 [Jordan] He's a pretty famous stuntman, 1423 00:56:51,763 --> 00:56:53,431 and he's Doug's mentor. 1424 00:56:53,431 --> 00:56:55,767 Okay. Okay, fine, then this is easy. 1425 00:56:55,767 --> 00:56:57,853 We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206. 1426 00:56:57,853 --> 00:56:59,688 [Jordan] We? Nope, no way. 1427 00:56:59,688 --> 00:57:02,649 I will not be going to see 206. 1428 00:57:02,649 --> 00:57:04,609 He is a complete psychopath. 1429 00:57:04,609 --> 00:57:06,194 He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal 1430 00:57:06,194 --> 00:57:07,863 and then tried to make me apologize. 1431 00:57:07,863 --> 00:57:09,573 Jordan, Jordan, Kevin needs you right now. 1432 00:57:09,573 --> 00:57:11,158 [Jordan] He needs me? - He does, right now. 1433 00:57:11,158 --> 00:57:12,951 [Jordan] Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need anyone, 1434 00:57:12,951 --> 00:57:15,287 until he needs everyone. 1435 00:57:15,287 --> 00:57:18,915 Okay, fine, then I'll take him to see Mr. 206. 1436 00:57:18,915 --> 00:57:20,375 Why? This is Kevin's problem. 1437 00:57:20,375 --> 00:57:21,918 You should just let him go on his own. 1438 00:57:21,918 --> 00:57:24,921 No. As long as I'm Kevin's assistant... 1439 00:57:24,921 --> 00:57:26,256 [revs engine] 1440 00:57:26,256 --> 00:57:28,133 he'll never drive himself anywhere. 1441 00:57:31,052 --> 00:57:32,512 - It's in neutral. - I am so sorry. 1442 00:57:32,512 --> 00:57:34,806 We're slowing down. I was trying to go faster. 1443 00:57:34,806 --> 00:57:36,349 We did the opposite. 1444 00:57:36,349 --> 00:57:38,852 [birds chirping] 1445 00:57:49,529 --> 00:57:52,365 I am so happy my mom was able to nurse you back to health. 1446 00:57:52,365 --> 00:57:53,909 What did you just say to me? 1447 00:57:53,909 --> 00:57:56,369 The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop. 1448 00:57:56,369 --> 00:57:59,080 - She tried to poison me. - She's amazing, right? 1449 00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,875 Look at you now. Okay, come on, come on. 1450 00:58:01,875 --> 00:58:03,877 So tell me, why do they call him 206? 1451 00:58:03,877 --> 00:58:06,171 'Cause there's 206 bones in the human body. 1452 00:58:06,171 --> 00:58:08,089 They say, before he became a mentor in the stunt game, 1453 00:58:08,089 --> 00:58:09,466 that he broke every single one of 'em. 1454 00:58:09,466 --> 00:58:11,051 Actually, no, it was 205. 1455 00:58:11,051 --> 00:58:12,260 But then, on his last day of filming, 1456 00:58:12,260 --> 00:58:13,929 they say he broke the 206th one. 1457 00:58:13,929 --> 00:58:15,388 What? Which one was that? 1458 00:58:15,388 --> 00:58:17,057 Pinky toe, right foot, snapped. 1459 00:58:17,057 --> 00:58:18,391 Goddamn. 1460 00:58:18,391 --> 00:58:19,976 [knocking] 1461 00:58:19,976 --> 00:58:21,895 [creaking] 1462 00:58:21,895 --> 00:58:24,439 [Kevin] Uh, hello? 1463 00:58:26,483 --> 00:58:28,360 Uh, 206? 1464 00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:30,946 Hey, M-- Mr. Two Hundred And Six? 1465 00:58:30,946 --> 00:58:33,365 - It's 2-0-6. - Right. 1466 00:58:33,365 --> 00:58:36,451 [Mr. 206] Sign says no soliciting. Go away. 1467 00:58:36,451 --> 00:58:38,870 Yeah, no, we-- we didn't see a sign. There's no sign. 1468 00:58:38,870 --> 00:58:40,288 [Mr. 206] Who took my fucking sign? 1469 00:58:40,288 --> 00:58:41,665 We didn't take it. 1470 00:58:41,665 --> 00:58:43,541 Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit. 1471 00:58:43,541 --> 00:58:46,211 We-- we're not selling anything. 1472 00:58:46,211 --> 00:58:48,171 You don't even recognize my voice. [laughs] 1473 00:58:48,171 --> 00:58:49,881 You know who's at the door right now? 1474 00:58:49,881 --> 00:58:53,093 This is Kevin Hart, comedian, actor. 1475 00:58:53,093 --> 00:58:58,014 I just told you... to go-- 1476 00:58:58,014 --> 00:58:59,182 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 1477 00:58:59,182 --> 00:59:01,059 The fuck away! 1478 00:59:01,059 --> 00:59:03,395 Hey! Shit! 1479 00:59:03,395 --> 00:59:05,814 Come on, baby, it's me. 1480 00:59:05,814 --> 00:59:07,524 - It's me. - It's Kevin Hart. 1481 00:59:10,277 --> 00:59:11,528 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't 1482 00:59:11,528 --> 00:59:13,363 kill the both of you right now. 1483 00:59:13,363 --> 00:59:14,990 Kevin's about to have a movie that's gonna get him an Oscar. 1484 00:59:14,990 --> 00:59:17,909 [Kevin] Well, okay. Wait, wait, wait. Your protege. 1485 00:59:17,909 --> 00:59:19,786 We're here because of your protege, Doug Eubanks. 1486 00:59:19,786 --> 00:59:21,413 What about him? 1487 00:59:21,413 --> 00:59:24,416 Well, we-- we're here 'cause he's losing his shit. 1488 00:59:24,416 --> 00:59:26,126 Yeah, no, he's absolute-- 1489 00:59:26,126 --> 00:59:28,753 That's not true, 'cause you don't deserve a lie. 1490 00:59:28,753 --> 00:59:30,130 I'm not here to lie to you. 1491 00:59:30,130 --> 00:59:31,715 I'm gonna be honest with you, man. 1492 00:59:33,091 --> 00:59:34,843 I screwed him over. 1493 00:59:34,843 --> 00:59:36,428 I screwed him over, and I'm here because 1494 00:59:36,428 --> 00:59:37,762 I want to make things right, and I can't do that 1495 00:59:37,762 --> 00:59:40,056 without you, Mr. 206. 1496 00:59:47,647 --> 00:59:49,357 Well, how do you like your tea? 1497 00:59:49,357 --> 00:59:51,234 Huh? 1498 00:59:51,234 --> 00:59:53,737 [mystical music] 1499 01:00:05,457 --> 01:00:07,000 Do I make you uncomfortable? 1500 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,002 No. I-- I'm just so nervous for you, sir, 1501 01:00:09,002 --> 01:00:11,254 because you got really hot tea, and it's just 1502 01:00:11,254 --> 01:00:14,007 right above your balls, so-- 1503 01:00:14,007 --> 01:00:17,552 What are you doing? What are you-- 1504 01:00:17,552 --> 01:00:18,845 [pours tea] 1505 01:00:18,845 --> 01:00:20,388 [Andre] Oh, my God, what the fuck? 1506 01:00:20,388 --> 01:00:21,848 [Kevin] Oh, man, come on. - What the fuck? 1507 01:00:21,848 --> 01:00:23,058 Come, on man. 1508 01:00:23,058 --> 01:00:24,476 The ancient Babylonians believed 1509 01:00:24,476 --> 01:00:26,436 that undergarments were a sign of weakness. 1510 01:00:28,730 --> 01:00:30,106 I tend to agree. 1511 01:00:31,191 --> 01:00:32,484 I respect that. 1512 01:00:33,860 --> 01:00:35,695 I respect that. 1513 01:00:35,695 --> 01:00:38,114 I just... 1514 01:00:38,114 --> 01:00:39,574 [clears throat] 1515 01:00:41,659 --> 01:00:44,037 I just want to, I wanna thank you 1516 01:00:44,037 --> 01:00:45,705 for taking the time, 'cause I know you didn't-- 1517 01:00:45,705 --> 01:00:47,999 Cut the compliments. Tell me why you're here. 1518 01:00:47,999 --> 01:00:53,421 I, um, I know you're Doug's mentor, right? 1519 01:00:53,421 --> 01:00:55,006 If there's anyone who knows how he operates, 1520 01:00:55,006 --> 01:00:57,550 how he thinks, it's... 1521 01:00:57,550 --> 01:00:59,052 I need your help. 1522 01:01:04,808 --> 01:01:06,351 Watch your eye. Watch your eye. 1523 01:01:11,189 --> 01:01:12,649 Let's walk. 1524 01:01:14,776 --> 01:01:16,611 Doug Eubanks is more than just a former student of mine. 1525 01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,490 He's my friend, my confidant. 1526 01:01:22,033 --> 01:01:23,827 Briefly, in 2003, he was my lover. 1527 01:01:25,537 --> 01:01:27,038 Doug is the most fearless stunt performer 1528 01:01:27,038 --> 01:01:29,332 that I've ever trained. 1529 01:01:29,332 --> 01:01:31,626 One time, he asked me to stab him with an ice pick 1530 01:01:31,626 --> 01:01:33,253 'cause he needed to know how it felt so he could 1531 01:01:33,253 --> 01:01:34,921 replicate that reaction when the cameras are rolling. 1532 01:01:34,921 --> 01:01:37,465 - Did you do it? - With pleasure. 1533 01:01:37,465 --> 01:01:39,843 As a stuntman, you embrace pain, 1534 01:01:39,843 --> 01:01:41,428 lay your life on the line for your actor 1535 01:01:41,428 --> 01:01:42,846 every day you step on set. 1536 01:01:42,846 --> 01:01:46,057 And occasionally, an actor says thanks. 1537 01:01:46,057 --> 01:01:48,184 Sometimes they don't say thanks. 1538 01:01:48,184 --> 01:01:49,894 Sometimes they just fire you without warning 'cause 1539 01:01:49,894 --> 01:01:51,688 all of a sudden they think they're John fucking Rambo, 1540 01:01:51,688 --> 01:01:54,315 but they're nothing but a little bitch with a giant ego. 1541 01:01:54,315 --> 01:01:56,276 Yeah, yeah. So, hey, are you gonna talk to him for me? 1542 01:01:56,276 --> 01:01:58,069 [laughs] 1543 01:01:58,069 --> 01:01:59,529 Actors talk. 1544 01:02:00,405 --> 01:02:02,699 Stuntmen... stunt. 1545 01:02:04,409 --> 01:02:07,704 You're gonna have to fight Doug, and you're gonna lose. 1546 01:02:09,372 --> 01:02:10,874 Well, shit, then why are you-- 1547 01:02:10,874 --> 01:02:12,250 Why are you even talking to me, then? 1548 01:02:12,250 --> 01:02:13,543 Only reason I'm talking to you 1549 01:02:13,543 --> 01:02:15,420 is 'cause every person is trapped 1550 01:02:15,420 --> 01:02:17,380 in a story of their own design, and I know the exact story 1551 01:02:17,380 --> 01:02:18,715 you're trapped in. 1552 01:02:18,715 --> 01:02:20,008 Yeah, it's a revenge story. 1553 01:02:20,008 --> 01:02:21,426 It's not revenge. 1554 01:02:21,426 --> 01:02:23,303 It's redemption. 1555 01:02:23,303 --> 01:02:25,096 No, I'm pretty sure it's revenge. 1556 01:02:26,681 --> 01:02:27,891 What do you really want? 1557 01:02:29,642 --> 01:02:31,644 I want my life back. I want to defeat Doug. 1558 01:02:31,644 --> 01:02:34,105 Defeat Doug? Doug's the enemy. 1559 01:02:34,105 --> 01:02:36,316 Doug's the bad guy? You're the good guy? 1560 01:02:36,316 --> 01:02:37,817 I just want to make sure I'm hearing this right. 1561 01:02:37,817 --> 01:02:40,820 Okay, maybe we're both bad guys. 1562 01:02:40,820 --> 01:02:42,322 No, Kevin. 1563 01:02:44,199 --> 01:02:45,700 You're both good guys. 1564 01:02:50,079 --> 01:02:51,539 Did you hear that? 1565 01:02:51,539 --> 01:02:53,666 Yeah, I'm trying to figure it out. 1566 01:02:55,793 --> 01:02:57,420 He fucked Doug. 1567 01:02:57,420 --> 01:02:59,547 I didn't hear that. What? 1568 01:02:59,547 --> 01:03:01,007 He fucked Doug. 1569 01:03:01,007 --> 01:03:02,800 I didn't catch that. I was-- 1570 01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,219 Right at the top, he said it. Right over there, he said-- 1571 01:03:04,219 --> 01:03:06,054 No. I saw a ladybug. I gotta-- 1572 01:03:06,054 --> 01:03:07,597 So that means he's kind of fucked you before. 1573 01:03:07,597 --> 01:03:09,724 [Kevin] No, no. Wait a minute, no, he hasn't. 1574 01:03:13,102 --> 01:03:15,772 This is my dojo. 1575 01:03:18,274 --> 01:03:19,692 Well, it kind of looks like a bunch of trees 1576 01:03:19,692 --> 01:03:21,611 if you ask me, but alright. 1577 01:03:21,611 --> 01:03:24,405 - Goodness gracious. - Excuse me. 1578 01:03:24,405 --> 01:03:25,949 - Sorry. - Coming through. 1579 01:03:25,949 --> 01:03:28,326 - Yep. Yep. Sorry. - Coming through. 1580 01:03:28,326 --> 01:03:29,744 You've really gotta share the trail, guys. 1581 01:03:29,744 --> 01:03:31,371 - It's our fault. - Sorry. 1582 01:03:31,371 --> 01:03:32,830 We didn't even know it was a trail, to be honest. 1583 01:03:32,830 --> 01:03:35,375 I had no idea. 1584 01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:38,253 So this is where you're gonna train me to face Doug, huh? 1585 01:03:38,253 --> 01:03:40,088 Let me explain something to you. 1586 01:03:40,088 --> 01:03:43,424 Stuntman's Creed, be thy actor. 1587 01:03:43,424 --> 01:03:46,302 Every role you ever trained for, Doug trained harder. 1588 01:03:46,302 --> 01:03:48,179 Every martial art you supposedly learn, 1589 01:03:48,179 --> 01:03:49,847 Doug learned it for real. 1590 01:03:49,847 --> 01:03:52,058 He had to, 'cause when the cameras were rolling, 1591 01:03:52,058 --> 01:03:54,519 it was his ass on the line, not yours, sitting 1592 01:03:54,519 --> 01:03:56,479 in video village, sipping lattes, 1593 01:03:56,479 --> 01:03:58,064 eating sushi off of nude models. 1594 01:03:58,064 --> 01:04:00,400 Hey. First of all, I got a bad case of pinkeye. 1595 01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:02,110 I learned my lesson. 1596 01:04:02,110 --> 01:04:03,611 Hasn't happened since. 1597 01:04:03,611 --> 01:04:05,488 You never appreciated Doug. 1598 01:04:05,488 --> 01:04:06,739 Actors never do. 1599 01:04:07,824 --> 01:04:09,492 Anyway, I recently learned that 1600 01:04:09,492 --> 01:04:11,411 there's a lot of people that I may have underappreciated. 1601 01:04:13,288 --> 01:04:15,206 [Mr. 206] Good, Kevin. 1602 01:04:15,206 --> 01:04:17,417 That's growth. 1603 01:04:17,417 --> 01:04:20,003 - See that branch up there? - Yeah. 1604 01:04:20,003 --> 01:04:21,629 Climb that tree, crawl out to that branch, 1605 01:04:21,629 --> 01:04:23,256 and give me a dead drop to the ground. 1606 01:04:23,256 --> 01:04:25,717 [mystical music] 1607 01:04:25,717 --> 01:04:28,136 Uh, how am I supposed to-- 1608 01:04:28,136 --> 01:04:30,179 You want to know how Doug thinks? 1609 01:04:30,179 --> 01:04:31,514 You want to know how he operates? 1610 01:04:31,514 --> 01:04:33,766 You must see the world as he sees it, 1611 01:04:33,766 --> 01:04:35,810 without fear, without hesitation. 1612 01:04:39,522 --> 01:04:40,732 I'm a little scared, though. 1613 01:04:40,732 --> 01:04:42,358 I'm just gonna throw that out there. 1614 01:04:42,358 --> 01:04:44,569 - It's not like I'm-- - I volunteer as tribute. 1615 01:04:44,569 --> 01:04:47,363 Damn right you do. 1616 01:04:47,363 --> 01:04:49,198 This is Kevin's journey. That's his dead-drop branch. 1617 01:04:49,198 --> 01:04:50,658 No, that's what you don't understand. 1618 01:04:50,658 --> 01:04:52,577 You know why? Because what's Kevin's is mine. 1619 01:04:52,577 --> 01:04:53,745 - Well-- - Well, right. 1620 01:04:53,745 --> 01:04:55,038 I mean, not your material wealth. 1621 01:04:55,038 --> 01:04:56,247 - Of course, or your income. - No. 1622 01:04:56,247 --> 01:04:57,790 - Or your success. - No. 1623 01:04:57,790 --> 01:04:59,125 Or your rare collection of cars, which are amazing. 1624 01:04:59,125 --> 01:05:00,460 - No. - Right, none of that. 1625 01:05:00,460 --> 01:05:03,755 But his pain, his anguish-- 1626 01:05:03,755 --> 01:05:05,715 Basically, anything that's bad, anything that's bad-- 1627 01:05:05,715 --> 01:05:07,717 that's mine, too. That is my journey. 1628 01:05:11,554 --> 01:05:12,847 - What? - Brother. 1629 01:05:17,435 --> 01:05:19,270 Oh my gosh. 1630 01:05:19,270 --> 01:05:20,897 [coughing] 1631 01:05:20,897 --> 01:05:22,857 What's happening, guys? 1632 01:05:22,857 --> 01:05:24,275 Guys, this don't look good from the back. 1633 01:05:24,275 --> 01:05:25,693 What's going on? 1634 01:05:26,861 --> 01:05:28,863 [grunting] 1635 01:05:28,863 --> 01:05:31,282 [screaming] 1636 01:05:37,872 --> 01:05:40,708 Kevin, you can't compete with Doug... 1637 01:05:40,708 --> 01:05:43,836 but you clearly have the one thing he will never have. 1638 01:05:45,630 --> 01:05:47,507 You have a sidekick. 1639 01:05:47,507 --> 01:05:50,301 Andre? No, Andre is my-- 1640 01:05:50,301 --> 01:05:52,011 Andre's like my-- What would you call it? 1641 01:05:52,011 --> 01:05:53,513 [indistinct chatter] 1642 01:05:53,513 --> 01:05:54,931 No, no, no. No, no. 1643 01:05:54,931 --> 01:05:56,891 - I'm his-- - Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no. 1644 01:05:56,891 --> 01:05:58,726 Andre's your what? I want you to say it. 1645 01:05:58,726 --> 01:06:00,228 Well, he was gonna say it, too. 1646 01:06:00,228 --> 01:06:01,854 No, no, he's right there. Andre's your what? 1647 01:06:01,854 --> 01:06:03,231 You don't have to do this, man. 1648 01:06:03,231 --> 01:06:04,524 He's your what? 1649 01:06:04,524 --> 01:06:05,900 Well, he's my assistant, my assistant. 1650 01:06:05,900 --> 01:06:07,944 [gibbers] He's your-- 1651 01:06:07,944 --> 01:06:09,237 - He's-- - Say it. 1652 01:06:09,237 --> 01:06:10,780 Andre's my-- He's my sidekick. 1653 01:06:10,780 --> 01:06:12,740 - Say it. - He's-- Andre's my sidekick. 1654 01:06:12,740 --> 01:06:14,158 [Mr. 206] Say it. [Kevin] He's my sidekick. 1655 01:06:14,158 --> 01:06:15,493 [Mr. 206] Yeah, I need you to say it. 1656 01:06:15,493 --> 01:06:17,203 Okay. Andre-- Andre is my sidekick. 1657 01:06:17,203 --> 01:06:18,538 God damn it, Kevin, I need you to 1658 01:06:18,538 --> 01:06:19,997 fucking say it! 1659 01:06:19,997 --> 01:06:21,332 And I need you to believe it 1660 01:06:21,332 --> 01:06:22,834 deep down in your fucking bones. 1661 01:06:22,834 --> 01:06:26,212 Andre-- Andre is my sidekick! 1662 01:06:26,212 --> 01:06:28,631 - Huh? - I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1663 01:06:28,631 --> 01:06:30,049 Who's your sidekick? 1664 01:06:30,049 --> 01:06:31,718 I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1665 01:06:31,718 --> 01:06:35,596 [Andre] I'm your sidekick! - Andre is my si-- 1666 01:06:35,596 --> 01:06:38,558 I'm your sidekick! 1667 01:06:38,558 --> 01:06:40,601 What's happening to me, man? 1668 01:06:40,601 --> 01:06:42,854 [Mr. 206] It's growth, Kevin. 1669 01:06:42,854 --> 01:06:45,148 Growth hurts. 1670 01:06:45,148 --> 01:06:47,900 That's a pain that no double can take for you. 1671 01:06:50,069 --> 01:06:54,365 You see, Kevin, you came here seeking a mentor, but it's you. 1672 01:06:55,992 --> 01:06:57,368 You are the mentor. 1673 01:06:59,036 --> 01:07:00,455 Hell yeah. 1674 01:07:03,750 --> 01:07:04,959 [Mr. 206] You know what? You know what? 1675 01:07:04,959 --> 01:07:07,795 You two... take this moment, talk. 1676 01:07:08,963 --> 01:07:10,381 Talk over your new bond. 1677 01:07:11,966 --> 01:07:14,385 I'm gonna go get my tea. 1678 01:07:17,889 --> 01:07:19,640 [Andre] What a fucking day. 1679 01:07:19,640 --> 01:07:22,435 [laughs] I mean, now that I'm essentially, 1680 01:07:22,435 --> 01:07:24,187 I've been deputized as your sidekick, 1681 01:07:24,187 --> 01:07:26,397 I have an idea for Doug. We could work together on this. 1682 01:07:26,397 --> 01:07:27,982 We gotta get close to him, okay? 1683 01:07:27,982 --> 01:07:29,942 We don't have to record him or anything like... 1684 01:07:29,942 --> 01:07:31,486 What's wrong? What's wrong? 1685 01:07:31,486 --> 01:07:32,862 [ominous music] 1686 01:07:32,862 --> 01:07:34,405 That scar on his hand. 1687 01:07:34,405 --> 01:07:36,616 Yeah? 1688 01:07:36,616 --> 01:07:38,534 I think I recognize that scar. 1689 01:07:38,534 --> 01:07:40,119 [door opens] 1690 01:07:50,713 --> 01:07:52,507 [engine turns over] 1691 01:07:52,507 --> 01:07:55,009 [engine roars] 1692 01:08:04,185 --> 01:08:06,646 [upbeat music] 1693 01:08:13,152 --> 01:08:14,946 [phone ringing] 1694 01:08:14,946 --> 01:08:16,364 [Guard on intercom] We don't have any scheduled deliveries. 1695 01:08:16,364 --> 01:08:17,657 Please turn around. 1696 01:08:17,657 --> 01:08:19,450 Hey, pal, I got a hot date 1697 01:08:19,450 --> 01:08:22,662 with my old lady in 30 minutes, meatball sub night, 1698 01:08:22,662 --> 01:08:25,081 and all’s I knows is I got a package 1699 01:08:25,081 --> 01:08:27,333 from Debra Simon at the studio. 1700 01:08:27,333 --> 01:08:29,877 Now, I can either leave it here, or I can take it home, 1701 01:08:29,877 --> 01:08:32,004 but you gotta tell me what you want me to do. 1702 01:08:34,507 --> 01:08:36,092 [Guard on intercom] Go ahead. 1703 01:08:36,092 --> 01:08:38,970 That's what I thought. I'll see you in a bit. Up, up! 1704 01:08:40,972 --> 01:08:42,682 Okay. 1705 01:08:42,682 --> 01:08:47,979 Hey, Ronald Mondolvia, Mondolvia Plumbing, license and bonded. 1706 01:08:47,979 --> 01:08:49,647 You know, some guys are licensed, not bonded. 1707 01:08:49,647 --> 01:08:51,274 Other guys, they're bonded, not licensed. 1708 01:08:51,274 --> 01:08:53,568 Me, I'm both licensed and bonded. 1709 01:08:53,568 --> 01:08:55,069 Debra Simon sent a plumber? 1710 01:08:55,069 --> 01:08:57,321 Not a plumber, my man. The plumber. 1711 01:08:57,321 --> 01:08:59,198 I can plumb anything with pipes. Fuck it. 1712 01:08:59,198 --> 01:09:00,575 Sometimes I don't even need pipes. 1713 01:09:00,575 --> 01:09:02,451 One time I plumbed a manila envelope. 1714 01:09:02,451 --> 01:09:04,287 Water was spouting fucking everywhere. 1715 01:09:04,287 --> 01:09:05,705 - It was insane. - So what's in the van? 1716 01:09:05,705 --> 01:09:07,248 Oh, my God. 1717 01:09:07,248 --> 01:09:09,834 Hold on to your fucking beautiful, beautiful balls 1718 01:09:09,834 --> 01:09:11,294 because this, my man-- 1719 01:09:11,294 --> 01:09:12,420 [knocks] 1720 01:09:12,420 --> 01:09:13,880 It's a commode. 1721 01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:16,507 Imported Italian marble, beautiful one-piece 1722 01:09:16,507 --> 01:09:18,342 construction, 12-speed bidet. 1723 01:09:18,342 --> 01:09:20,136 We got a little air fryer on the right. 1724 01:09:20,136 --> 01:09:21,929 You want to cook, eat, circle of life, shitting, 1725 01:09:21,929 --> 01:09:23,389 eating at the same time, there's only a couple 1726 01:09:23,389 --> 01:09:24,932 of these in the entire world. 1727 01:09:24,932 --> 01:09:26,225 This, my friend, probably one of the best 1728 01:09:26,225 --> 01:09:27,518 presents in the universe. 1729 01:09:27,518 --> 01:09:30,104 So can you, you know, eh? 1730 01:09:34,317 --> 01:09:36,736 [vocalizes] 1731 01:09:39,405 --> 01:09:40,948 You gonna help me fucking bring it in, or no? 1732 01:09:40,948 --> 01:09:42,867 Alright, fuck it, whatever. [Andre] Yeah, okay. 1733 01:09:42,867 --> 01:09:45,328 I'll supervise. Pick it up. 1734 01:09:45,328 --> 01:09:47,288 Use your back. 1735 01:09:47,288 --> 01:09:48,581 Whoa, big boy. Big boy coming through. 1736 01:09:48,581 --> 01:09:50,124 Big boy coming through. Big boy. 1737 01:09:50,124 --> 01:09:51,876 Okay, Andre has the guard's attention. 1738 01:09:51,876 --> 01:09:53,169 Okay. 1739 01:09:53,169 --> 01:09:54,837 You sure you're ready for this? 1740 01:09:54,837 --> 01:09:57,256 In our family, if an A-list actor is in trouble, 1741 01:09:57,256 --> 01:09:59,759 we don't stand quietly by. 1742 01:09:59,759 --> 01:10:02,428 We fight, and if we must, we die. 1743 01:10:05,056 --> 01:10:08,434 Wow, well, the world could use more people like... 1744 01:10:08,434 --> 01:10:09,810 Wait, what is your last name? 1745 01:10:09,810 --> 01:10:11,187 Oh, Mondolvia. 1746 01:10:15,942 --> 01:10:17,401 Where the hell does this thing go? 1747 01:10:17,401 --> 01:10:20,696 Oh, that is the million-dollar question, huh? 1748 01:10:20,696 --> 01:10:22,490 Let me think about this. 1749 01:10:22,490 --> 01:10:25,701 Well, you could powder-room it, show it off like a prize pony, 1750 01:10:25,701 --> 01:10:28,579 or you put it in the main bath. 1751 01:10:28,579 --> 01:10:30,581 Keep all that for yourself, hmm? 1752 01:10:30,581 --> 01:10:32,541 Now, there's a third option, alright? 1753 01:10:32,541 --> 01:10:35,378 Listen up closely 'cause this one's fucking insane. 1754 01:10:35,378 --> 01:10:37,797 You can put the commode right here, 1755 01:10:37,797 --> 01:10:40,132 smack dab in the middle of the living room, 1756 01:10:40,132 --> 01:10:43,010 and you take a big, greasy shit right here, 1757 01:10:43,010 --> 01:10:44,387 look everybody right in the eyes, 1758 01:10:44,387 --> 01:10:46,597 make them wonder what your deal is. 1759 01:10:46,597 --> 01:10:48,391 And I know what you're thinking, holy shit, 1760 01:10:48,391 --> 01:10:50,476 that's aggressive, right? 1761 01:10:50,476 --> 01:10:51,811 But they'll respect the shit out of you. 1762 01:10:51,811 --> 01:10:53,145 Wait a minute, don't I know you? 1763 01:10:53,145 --> 01:10:55,439 Don't you know? Don't you know? 1764 01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:57,233 [yells] Yeah, boop, boop, boop, boop. 1765 01:10:57,233 --> 01:10:59,151 Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what it is? 1766 01:10:59,151 --> 01:11:00,611 Isn't this the place you took a shit 1767 01:11:00,611 --> 01:11:01,862 so big up there that people thought there 1768 01:11:01,862 --> 01:11:03,447 was a dog loose in the pipes? 1769 01:11:03,447 --> 01:11:04,907 How the hell am I gonna take a shit-- 1770 01:11:04,907 --> 01:11:06,325 Man, what are you talking about? No. 1771 01:11:06,325 --> 01:11:07,827 - Wasn't that you? - No. 1772 01:11:07,827 --> 01:11:09,412 - No? - A dog in the pipes? 1773 01:11:09,412 --> 01:11:10,663 [Andre] Maybe it was a dachshund. 1774 01:11:10,663 --> 01:11:11,914 Looked like a dachshund, your big-- 1775 01:11:11,914 --> 01:11:13,416 [fireworks exploding] 1776 01:11:13,416 --> 01:11:14,625 - Oh, no, is that the dog? - Wait right here. 1777 01:11:14,625 --> 01:11:16,168 I'll deal with you in a minute. 1778 01:11:16,168 --> 01:11:18,421 Yeah, I'm gonna wait right here in New York City, 1779 01:11:18,421 --> 01:11:19,797 you know what I mean? 1780 01:11:21,132 --> 01:11:23,009 Kevin? Kevin, are you okay, baby? 1781 01:11:23,009 --> 01:11:24,427 Everything went incredible up here. 1782 01:11:24,427 --> 01:11:25,928 You alright? [Kevin] Yeah, I'm alright. 1783 01:11:25,928 --> 01:11:28,055 Sweating my goddamn ass off, though. 1784 01:11:28,055 --> 01:11:30,141 Jesus Christ, how you ain't cut no holes in here? 1785 01:11:30,141 --> 01:11:31,851 Let's get you out of here and kick some fucking ass. 1786 01:11:31,851 --> 01:11:33,436 What do you say, huh? [Kevin] Alright, come on. 1787 01:11:33,436 --> 01:11:34,854 - Let's go. - Yes! 1788 01:11:36,522 --> 01:11:38,733 [fireworks whistling] 1789 01:11:49,285 --> 01:11:51,495 - What are you doing? - Funny story. 1790 01:11:51,495 --> 01:11:52,955 You're gonna lose your goddamn mind. 1791 01:11:52,955 --> 01:11:56,375 I drilled this puppy a little bit too hard. 1792 01:11:56,375 --> 01:11:58,878 I can't get it out without the aid of some tools. 1793 01:11:58,878 --> 01:12:00,463 So give me a second. I'm gonna grab some tools. 1794 01:12:00,463 --> 01:12:02,465 I'll be right back. Okay, talk soon. 1795 01:12:02,465 --> 01:12:04,091 Hey, Andre, you better stop playing. 1796 01:12:04,091 --> 01:12:06,886 Seriously, man. Andre? 1797 01:12:06,886 --> 01:12:08,471 [knocks] Andre? 1798 01:12:09,764 --> 01:12:12,141 [fireworks whistling] 1799 01:12:16,687 --> 01:12:19,899 Hey, were those fireworks? 1800 01:12:19,899 --> 01:12:22,902 I live next door, at the Mondolvia estate. 1801 01:12:22,902 --> 01:12:25,613 Did you set those off? You know that that is illegal. 1802 01:12:25,613 --> 01:12:28,282 They're not ours. I don't know who set these off. 1803 01:12:28,282 --> 01:12:30,618 Well, it scared the bejesus out of me, 1804 01:12:30,618 --> 01:12:32,578 and I have a pacemaker. 1805 01:12:32,578 --> 01:12:34,538 What do you have to say for yourself? 1806 01:12:34,538 --> 01:12:36,248 Look, lady, I told you, they're not my fireworks, 1807 01:12:36,248 --> 01:12:38,125 and I didn't shit in any pipes! 1808 01:12:38,125 --> 01:12:39,335 What? 1809 01:12:39,335 --> 01:12:40,753 [electricity crackling] 1810 01:12:44,840 --> 01:12:46,342 That's for Andre. 1811 01:12:51,931 --> 01:12:52,932 [Kevin knocks] 1812 01:12:52,932 --> 01:12:54,141 [Kevin] Andre? 1813 01:12:54,141 --> 01:12:55,392 [knocks] 1814 01:12:55,392 --> 01:12:57,144 Andre? Come on, man, I'm serious. 1815 01:12:59,313 --> 01:13:00,773 There you go. What took you so long? 1816 01:13:00,773 --> 01:13:03,067 Where you go? Leaving me in this box 1817 01:13:03,067 --> 01:13:05,236 with all that goddamn quiet. Don't do that. 1818 01:13:05,236 --> 01:13:07,571 [chainsaw starts] 1819 01:13:07,571 --> 01:13:09,615 The fuck is that? 1820 01:13:09,615 --> 01:13:10,783 Hey. 1821 01:13:10,783 --> 01:13:12,243 [chainsaw revs] 1822 01:13:12,243 --> 01:13:13,786 Andre, that's a chainsaw? Okay, hold on. 1823 01:13:13,786 --> 01:13:15,246 Wait, wait, wait. 1824 01:13:15,246 --> 01:13:17,331 [shouting indiscernibly] 1825 01:13:17,331 --> 01:13:19,542 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1826 01:13:19,542 --> 01:13:22,044 Slow it down. Slow it down. Slow it down! 1827 01:13:22,044 --> 01:13:23,796 You're gonna cut my fucking head! 1828 01:13:23,796 --> 01:13:25,464 You're gonna cut my head! 1829 01:13:25,464 --> 01:13:29,093 No more chainsaw. No more chainsaw! 1830 01:13:29,093 --> 01:13:31,220 No more chainsaw, okay? 1831 01:13:31,220 --> 01:13:33,222 Jesus Christ. 1832 01:13:33,222 --> 01:13:35,850 Shit. What the fuck, Andre? 1833 01:13:35,850 --> 01:13:38,602 Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, shit. 1834 01:13:40,062 --> 01:13:42,106 On behalf of stunt actors everywhere, 1835 01:13:42,106 --> 01:13:47,111 I'm excited to say, this is your day of reckoning! 1836 01:13:47,111 --> 01:13:49,196 [laughs maniacally] 1837 01:13:49,196 --> 01:13:51,198 Hold up! 1838 01:13:51,198 --> 01:13:52,825 Trying to tell me a big old stunt legend like yourself 1839 01:13:52,825 --> 01:13:55,619 need a chainsaw? 1840 01:13:55,619 --> 01:13:56,912 Huh? 1841 01:13:59,081 --> 01:14:01,584 That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Two men. 1842 01:14:01,584 --> 01:14:04,211 How about two dogs in a bowl? I want to eat. 1843 01:14:04,211 --> 01:14:06,255 [barking] 1844 01:14:06,255 --> 01:14:08,424 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1845 01:14:08,424 --> 01:14:10,009 Oh, you got a knife. 1846 01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:13,304 Big old man like yourself, stunt legend, 1847 01:14:13,304 --> 01:14:15,306 you need a knife for little old me? 1848 01:14:15,306 --> 01:14:16,724 That's what you need? 1849 01:14:16,724 --> 01:14:18,225 Fuck it. 1850 01:14:18,225 --> 01:14:19,810 I'll kill you with my hands. [Kevin] What? 1851 01:14:19,810 --> 01:14:21,228 [hyperventilating] 1852 01:14:25,983 --> 01:14:27,902 Yeah, you know this ain't go too good for you 1853 01:14:27,902 --> 01:14:30,112 in that little, shitty hallway. 1854 01:14:30,112 --> 01:14:32,531 Man, Jordan whooped your ass. 1855 01:14:32,531 --> 01:14:35,993 Mask I was wearing was 100 percent polyester, unbreathable. 1856 01:14:35,993 --> 01:14:37,453 Sweating into my contacts. 1857 01:14:37,453 --> 01:14:38,871 Hell, a child could have kicked my ass. 1858 01:14:38,871 --> 01:14:40,247 Oh, that's a real elaborate excuse, 1859 01:14:40,247 --> 01:14:41,832 don't you think? Superman punch! 1860 01:14:45,461 --> 01:14:46,670 Oh, shit! 1861 01:14:48,005 --> 01:14:49,256 Ah, shit. 1862 01:14:53,969 --> 01:14:55,638 [bones crack] 1863 01:14:55,638 --> 01:14:57,640 Shit. Andre! 1864 01:14:57,640 --> 01:14:59,683 Andre, do the sidekick stuff! 1865 01:14:59,683 --> 01:15:02,269 I made all that shit up about your sidekick. 1866 01:15:02,269 --> 01:15:04,104 You think I'd help you? 1867 01:15:04,104 --> 01:15:07,650 You think I'd put a greedy, unappreciative, 1868 01:15:07,650 --> 01:15:09,735 overrated actor over a stuntman? 1869 01:15:09,735 --> 01:15:12,780 [laughs] I just thought it'd be fun to give you 1870 01:15:12,780 --> 01:15:15,491 some false hope before you died. 1871 01:15:15,491 --> 01:15:18,285 [screams] Shit! Yo, you gonna break my arm! 1872 01:15:18,285 --> 01:15:20,287 Yeah, and every other one of the 206 bones 1873 01:15:20,287 --> 01:15:23,332 in your body, and then I'm gonna eat your ass. 1874 01:15:23,332 --> 01:15:25,793 I knew it. I knew you were a ass-eater. 1875 01:15:25,793 --> 01:15:27,127 [Kevin cries] 1876 01:15:28,587 --> 01:15:30,130 [grunting] 1877 01:15:32,258 --> 01:15:33,592 Oh, hey. [Kevin] I'll stab you. 1878 01:15:33,592 --> 01:15:34,969 Cute knife. What are you gonna do with that? 1879 01:15:34,969 --> 01:15:38,097 You gonna hurt me with that? Huh, huh? 1880 01:15:38,097 --> 01:15:40,557 No, but she is. 1881 01:15:43,560 --> 01:15:44,895 Oh, shit. 1882 01:15:46,230 --> 01:15:47,439 Oh, you got him. 1883 01:15:47,439 --> 01:15:48,816 It's... Okay. 1884 01:15:48,816 --> 01:15:51,151 Um, holy shit. 1885 01:15:51,151 --> 01:15:53,153 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. 1886 01:15:53,153 --> 01:15:55,322 Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. 1887 01:15:55,322 --> 01:15:58,242 Eyes. You good. 1888 01:15:58,242 --> 01:16:00,286 Thirsty. 1889 01:16:00,286 --> 01:16:02,830 - You what? - Th-- thirsty. 1890 01:16:02,830 --> 01:16:04,915 Well, get you something to drink. 1891 01:16:06,959 --> 01:16:08,627 You fucking threw a knife in his head. 1892 01:16:08,627 --> 01:16:11,588 I didn't know what else to do. I meant for his shoulder. 1893 01:16:11,588 --> 01:16:13,173 How did you mean for his shoulder? 1894 01:16:13,173 --> 01:16:14,842 Fucking size of the fireplace. 1895 01:16:14,842 --> 01:16:16,510 That's him. 1896 01:16:19,221 --> 01:16:20,931 He's awake. It's a good sign. 1897 01:16:20,931 --> 01:16:22,933 It's a good thing. Look, he's fine. He's fine. 1898 01:16:22,933 --> 01:16:24,226 [Kevin] What are you talking, he's fine? 1899 01:16:24,226 --> 01:16:26,061 [Jordan] I mean, he's... 1900 01:16:26,061 --> 01:16:28,939 He's a fucking zombie. What do you mean, he's fine? 1901 01:16:28,939 --> 01:16:31,275 [Cynthia] Oh, god, he's gonna burn himself. 1902 01:16:31,275 --> 01:16:33,027 He's gonna get a burn on his hand or something. 1903 01:16:33,027 --> 01:16:34,361 It's not really the worst thing 1904 01:16:34,361 --> 01:16:35,529 that could happen to him at this point. 1905 01:16:35,529 --> 01:16:37,156 [Jordan] That's true. - Oh. 1906 01:16:37,156 --> 01:16:38,949 Hey! There he is. 1907 01:16:38,949 --> 01:16:40,242 How you doing, man? 1908 01:16:41,243 --> 01:16:42,995 Jesus Christ. 1909 01:16:44,538 --> 01:16:46,206 - He's okay. - He's just taking a nap. 1910 01:16:46,206 --> 01:16:47,833 He's not dead. He's fine. 1911 01:16:47,833 --> 01:16:49,209 - He's okay? - Yeah. 1912 01:16:49,209 --> 01:16:51,795 Wait, where's Andre? 1913 01:16:51,795 --> 01:16:53,714 Where's my sweet boy? 1914 01:16:53,714 --> 01:16:56,592 [Doug] Don't you worry, 'cause I found him. 1915 01:16:56,592 --> 01:16:58,761 [Andre] Alright, I'm sorry. 1916 01:16:58,761 --> 01:17:01,055 I made an oopsie-daisy. I got captured. 1917 01:17:01,055 --> 01:17:03,182 I thought I heard your voice, but it wasn't your voice. 1918 01:17:03,182 --> 01:17:04,975 It was his voice. I'm the worst sidekick in the world. 1919 01:17:04,975 --> 01:17:06,518 - Hey, shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1920 01:17:06,518 --> 01:17:07,853 - Shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1921 01:17:07,853 --> 01:17:10,022 You hurt one hair on my son's head, 1922 01:17:10,022 --> 01:17:12,232 I swear to God, motherfucker, 1923 01:17:12,232 --> 01:17:16,111 I will split you from chin to balls. 1924 01:17:16,111 --> 01:17:17,821 - Who the fuck are you? - That's my mom. 1925 01:17:17,821 --> 01:17:19,990 I love you, mom. If I die, I love you in heaven. 1926 01:17:19,990 --> 01:17:21,700 What the hell is your mother doing here, boy? 1927 01:17:21,700 --> 01:17:24,620 I'm here for moral support, and I love him. 1928 01:17:24,620 --> 01:17:26,080 [Andre] I love you, mom. 1929 01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:28,082 But I will fuck you up! 1930 01:17:28,082 --> 01:17:29,583 - Try me! - Mom-- 1931 01:17:29,583 --> 01:17:31,418 I love you. 1932 01:17:31,418 --> 01:17:33,420 How come y'all don't have no guns? 1933 01:17:33,420 --> 01:17:35,005 'Cause we're not here to kill anybody, Doug. 1934 01:17:35,005 --> 01:17:37,841 Oh. Oh, is that right? 1935 01:17:37,841 --> 01:17:40,511 Then where's Mr. 206 at? 1936 01:17:40,511 --> 01:17:43,263 He's... making breakfast. 1937 01:17:47,893 --> 01:17:49,728 [crying] This is a fucking joke to you. 1938 01:17:51,438 --> 01:17:53,357 It's a fucking joke to you. 1939 01:17:53,357 --> 01:17:55,442 [crying] 1940 01:17:55,442 --> 01:17:57,903 Shut your ass up. Fuck you crying for? 1941 01:17:57,903 --> 01:18:02,533 - 'Cause I can feel your-- - That man was my mentor. 1942 01:18:02,533 --> 01:18:06,078 He was my muse, my rock. 1943 01:18:06,078 --> 01:18:07,955 And in 2003, for a brief period 1944 01:18:07,955 --> 01:18:10,332 where I was confused about my sexuality, he was my lover. 1945 01:18:10,332 --> 01:18:12,209 - Okay. - Sounds like a very special-- 1946 01:18:12,209 --> 01:18:13,544 Shut your ass up. Don't-- 1947 01:18:13,544 --> 01:18:15,462 [Kevin] Hey, hey, hey, listen to me. 1948 01:18:15,462 --> 01:18:17,714 Doug, we are sorry for your loss, man. 1949 01:18:17,714 --> 01:18:19,258 - So sorry. - We're sorry. 1950 01:18:19,258 --> 01:18:23,262 Oh. Oh, you're sorry, huh? Hmm? 1951 01:18:23,262 --> 01:18:25,722 See, y'all are a bunch of brainiacs. 1952 01:18:25,722 --> 01:18:27,057 I thought I had all you dead 1953 01:18:27,057 --> 01:18:29,476 in that goddamn business offices, I did. 1954 01:18:29,476 --> 01:18:30,936 [Kevin] Alright, Doug. 1955 01:18:30,936 --> 01:18:33,564 Doug, listen to me. Don't you hurt him, man. 1956 01:18:33,564 --> 01:18:35,524 You hear me? Don't hurt him. 1957 01:18:35,524 --> 01:18:38,277 [Doug] Oh, 'cause you care all of a sudden, hm? 1958 01:18:38,277 --> 01:18:41,488 All of a sudden, you got a fucking heart, Tin Man? 1959 01:18:41,488 --> 01:18:43,490 You don't care about nothing. 1960 01:18:43,490 --> 01:18:46,493 This man ain't nothing but an employee of yours, 1961 01:18:46,493 --> 01:18:49,371 which means he's disposable. Ain't that right? Hmm? 1962 01:18:49,371 --> 01:18:51,290 [Kevin] That's not true. 1963 01:18:51,290 --> 01:18:53,083 The man is the complete opposite of that. 1964 01:18:54,710 --> 01:18:57,546 - Andre is 34 years old. - 35. 1965 01:18:57,546 --> 01:18:59,006 He's left-handed. 1966 01:18:59,006 --> 01:19:00,591 Right-handed. 1967 01:19:00,591 --> 01:19:01,925 Afraid of scorpions. 1968 01:19:01,925 --> 01:19:03,719 [Andre] I love scorpions. 1969 01:19:03,719 --> 01:19:05,179 He won a sixth-grade spelling bee. 1970 01:19:05,179 --> 01:19:06,722 I got fourth place. 1971 01:19:06,722 --> 01:19:08,307 He memorized every single line of House Party, 1972 01:19:08,307 --> 01:19:09,600 both Kid's and Play's. 1973 01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:10,934 - You did that. - I did do that. 1974 01:19:10,934 --> 01:19:12,519 That is me. 1975 01:19:12,519 --> 01:19:15,814 Andre is the one man that I cannot live without. 1976 01:19:15,814 --> 01:19:17,816 [Andre] I'm with you, ride or die, 1977 01:19:17,816 --> 01:19:19,151 although I was hoping for a little bit 1978 01:19:19,151 --> 01:19:20,569 more ride and a little less die. 1979 01:19:20,569 --> 01:19:22,321 I think I'm gonna die, like, really soon. 1980 01:19:22,321 --> 01:19:23,530 - Enough, enough. - I'm gonna shut up. 1981 01:19:23,530 --> 01:19:26,033 Doug, now stop it. 1982 01:19:26,033 --> 01:19:27,826 You don't even want him, man. 1983 01:19:27,826 --> 01:19:30,162 You want me. I'm the one who messed up. 1984 01:19:30,162 --> 01:19:33,332 I'm the one that threw you out like Tuesday's trash 1985 01:19:33,332 --> 01:19:35,792 and left you on the side of the goddamn curb 1986 01:19:35,792 --> 01:19:38,045 without the blink of an eye. I did that. 1987 01:19:38,045 --> 01:19:42,257 You want me, not him, so let him go. 1988 01:19:42,257 --> 01:19:44,843 Let him go and take me. 1989 01:19:44,843 --> 01:19:46,929 That's what you want? You want me to let him go? 1990 01:19:46,929 --> 01:19:48,597 Hmm? Say it. Say it again. 1991 01:19:48,597 --> 01:19:50,182 I want you to let him go. 1992 01:19:50,182 --> 01:19:52,434 - Mama, how about you? - Please let him go. 1993 01:19:52,434 --> 01:19:53,560 [Doug] Let him go, huh? [Andre] Will you let me go? 1994 01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:54,811 You want me to let you go? 1995 01:19:54,811 --> 01:19:56,146 Please, Doug. That'd be so nice. 1996 01:19:56,146 --> 01:19:57,856 Everybody telling me to let you go. 1997 01:19:57,856 --> 01:19:59,274 I should just let you go. Hey, mama, I'm gonna let him go. 1998 01:19:59,274 --> 01:20:01,485 - Thank you. - Make sure you watch, hmm? 1999 01:20:01,485 --> 01:20:02,861 - You watching? - Thank you. 2000 01:20:02,861 --> 01:20:04,947 - Now get your ass-- - Ah! 2001 01:20:04,947 --> 01:20:06,698 [Kevin] Oh, shit! - Oh, no. 2002 01:20:06,698 --> 01:20:09,576 Oh, my, he let go. He literally let go. 2003 01:20:09,576 --> 01:20:12,579 - Yeah, I let him go good. - Doug, this ends now. 2004 01:20:12,579 --> 01:20:16,875 [Doug] Oh, well, that's okay with me, Little Boots. 2005 01:20:16,875 --> 01:20:17,960 [gunfire] 2006 01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:20,671 You want to do it the hard way? 2007 01:20:20,671 --> 01:20:24,174 Then let's do it the hard way, motherfucker. 2008 01:20:24,174 --> 01:20:25,717 I got your ass. 2009 01:20:28,470 --> 01:20:30,305 [whimpering] Honey, oh... 2010 01:20:30,305 --> 01:20:31,765 My baby's alive! 2011 01:20:31,765 --> 01:20:33,100 [Kevin] He's alive. [Cynthia] He's alive. 2012 01:20:33,100 --> 01:20:34,810 I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. 2013 01:20:34,810 --> 01:20:37,396 The table actually broke my fall. Did you see me? 2014 01:20:37,396 --> 01:20:40,607 That was the dead drop I never got to do in the woods. 2015 01:20:40,607 --> 01:20:41,900 That was my tribute to you, Kevin. 2016 01:20:41,900 --> 01:20:43,193 Hey, come on. Let's get you up. 2017 01:20:43,193 --> 01:20:44,903 [groans] 2018 01:20:44,903 --> 01:20:46,405 [Jordan] Take it easy. 2019 01:20:46,405 --> 01:20:47,823 Okay, we gotta get him-- Oh, my God. 2020 01:20:47,823 --> 01:20:48,865 What happened? What's going on? 2021 01:20:48,865 --> 01:20:50,409 [Cynthia] Nothing. 2022 01:20:50,409 --> 01:20:52,911 [Jordan] A tiny, tiny bit of the table just-- 2023 01:20:52,911 --> 01:20:54,121 Where is it? What part of it? 2024 01:20:54,121 --> 01:20:55,205 [clamoring] 2025 01:20:55,205 --> 01:20:56,415 [Kevin] Don't touch it. 2026 01:20:56,415 --> 01:20:58,041 - Listen, listen. - Why, why, why? 2027 01:20:58,041 --> 01:20:59,876 Don't touch it. It's nothing. It's nothing crazy. 2028 01:20:59,876 --> 01:21:01,295 It's a little splinter. It's fine. 2029 01:21:01,295 --> 01:21:03,463 Get the tweezers. Let's get it out. 2030 01:21:03,463 --> 01:21:05,048 Why are you holding me back? 2031 01:21:05,048 --> 01:21:06,633 - Get it out! - Stop fiddling with it. 2032 01:21:06,633 --> 01:21:07,926 [Kevin] Yeah, stop for us. [Cynthia] Come on. 2033 01:21:07,926 --> 01:21:09,469 Let's go get him to a hospital. 2034 01:21:09,469 --> 01:21:11,221 It feels like something's in my kidney, right? 2035 01:21:11,221 --> 01:21:12,723 - When I walk, at least. - Come on. 2036 01:21:12,723 --> 01:21:14,016 [Andre moaning] 2037 01:21:14,016 --> 01:21:15,684 Okay. Jesus. 2038 01:21:15,684 --> 01:21:17,227 [dramatic music] 2039 01:21:17,227 --> 01:21:19,229 What the hell is that? 2040 01:21:19,229 --> 01:21:21,231 Oh, I installed customizable lights in here, 2041 01:21:21,231 --> 01:21:23,108 but you never had time to learn how to use 'em. 2042 01:21:23,108 --> 01:21:27,446 [Doug] All them years I was your stuntman, Kevin. 2043 01:21:29,364 --> 01:21:30,699 Get him to the hospital, mom. 2044 01:21:30,699 --> 01:21:32,618 - Jordan, come with me. - Okay, be careful. 2045 01:21:32,618 --> 01:21:34,077 Come on, honey. Help me out. 2046 01:21:34,077 --> 01:21:35,662 [Doug] See, Kevin, it wasn't 2047 01:21:35,662 --> 01:21:38,915 just taking falls and getting kicked in the face 2048 01:21:38,915 --> 01:21:41,585 and getting set on fire. Uh-uh. 2049 01:21:41,585 --> 01:21:44,713 That's not all I was doing to make you look good. 2050 01:21:44,713 --> 01:21:48,550 You remember Justice Squad Part Two? 2051 01:21:48,550 --> 01:21:52,262 You decided to gain 30 pounds for the part. 2052 01:21:52,262 --> 01:21:56,058 That meant that I had to gain 30 pounds, too, Kevin. 2053 01:21:56,058 --> 01:21:58,185 I'm a freaking diabetic, you selfish fuck. 2054 01:21:58,185 --> 01:22:00,312 - I almost put myself in a coma. - Okay, hey. 2055 01:22:00,312 --> 01:22:03,940 Hey, Doug, easy, alright? 2056 01:22:03,940 --> 01:22:05,359 I'm sorry, man. I made a mistake. 2057 01:22:05,359 --> 01:22:07,277 Shut your ass up. [Andre] Mom, no. 2058 01:22:07,277 --> 01:22:09,821 Mom, no. Mom, no. Mom, I can't leave. 2059 01:22:09,821 --> 01:22:11,740 No, I'm not gonna let you die. 2060 01:22:11,740 --> 01:22:14,076 - I'm not losing another. - Mom, mom, listen, okay? 2061 01:22:14,076 --> 01:22:15,952 Look at me. 2062 01:22:15,952 --> 01:22:18,205 I-- I know you wish you could have saved dad. 2063 01:22:18,205 --> 01:22:19,915 [sobs] Yeah. 2064 01:22:19,915 --> 01:22:21,708 I know, I know, but this is different. 2065 01:22:21,708 --> 01:22:23,794 I'm not just Kevin's assistant. 2066 01:22:23,794 --> 01:22:26,296 I'm his sidekick, and you want to know 2067 01:22:26,296 --> 01:22:28,632 the first rule of sidekick? 2068 01:22:28,632 --> 01:22:30,217 - Do no harm? - No. 2069 01:22:30,217 --> 01:22:32,094 That's doctor's, mom. 2070 01:22:32,094 --> 01:22:34,429 The first rule of sidekick is there is no sidekick. 2071 01:22:34,429 --> 01:22:35,722 That's "Fight Club," mom. 2072 01:22:35,722 --> 01:22:36,890 You know that. Brad Pitt's in that. 2073 01:22:36,890 --> 01:22:38,225 Ed Norton's in that, Mom! 2074 01:22:38,225 --> 01:22:39,851 Just tell me, then. 2075 01:22:39,851 --> 01:22:42,020 [Kevin] Okay, listen to me, and listen good, man. 2076 01:22:42,020 --> 01:22:44,106 Back when I was a sidekick, I was always jealous 2077 01:22:44,106 --> 01:22:46,858 of the lead actor and all the glory they got. 2078 01:22:46,858 --> 01:22:48,193 And I told myself, Doug, 2079 01:22:48,193 --> 01:22:50,028 I said, when I become a lead actor, 2080 01:22:50,028 --> 01:22:51,947 I'm gonna get that same glory. I want it. 2081 01:22:51,947 --> 01:22:55,117 I want to taste that. And I did. 2082 01:22:55,117 --> 01:22:56,618 But when I tasted it, I handled it wrong. 2083 01:22:56,618 --> 01:22:59,871 I was selfish. I was stupid, man. 2084 01:22:59,871 --> 01:23:01,581 And now I realize how much I need my village. 2085 01:23:01,581 --> 01:23:05,210 And, Doug, you're a part of that village, okay? 2086 01:23:05,210 --> 01:23:07,879 I need you. I fucking need you, man. 2087 01:23:07,879 --> 01:23:10,757 Give me a chance to make it up to you. 2088 01:23:10,757 --> 01:23:14,428 Give me a chance to prove to you that this is what I want, 2089 01:23:14,428 --> 01:23:17,222 that-- that I want you, I need you. 2090 01:23:17,222 --> 01:23:18,473 How about I give you the chance 2091 01:23:18,473 --> 01:23:20,809 to suck my dick, hmm? 2092 01:23:20,809 --> 01:23:22,853 I'm living the life, boy. 2093 01:23:22,853 --> 01:23:25,147 I'm in your goddamn mansion. 2094 01:23:25,147 --> 01:23:27,566 Hmm? I live here. 2095 01:23:27,566 --> 01:23:29,317 I got your career. 2096 01:23:29,317 --> 01:23:31,153 Your agents love me. 2097 01:23:31,153 --> 01:23:33,989 Them boys love me good, got me a part in a movie and everything. 2098 01:23:33,989 --> 01:23:35,365 I'm about to be Chucky in the new Child's Play. 2099 01:23:35,365 --> 01:23:36,950 - You took that shit? - Step back. 2100 01:23:36,950 --> 01:23:39,494 Get back before I goddamn skin your fucking lip. 2101 01:23:39,494 --> 01:23:42,456 And I signed up for a new Woody Allen movie. 2102 01:23:42,456 --> 01:23:44,458 Can't wait to see the press around that. 2103 01:23:44,458 --> 01:23:45,876 [laughs wheezily] 2104 01:23:45,876 --> 01:23:48,170 No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, come on. 2105 01:23:48,170 --> 01:23:49,963 Come on, wake up. Wake up. Come on. 2106 01:23:49,963 --> 01:23:53,425 [cries out] What? What's happening? 2107 01:23:53,425 --> 01:23:55,385 I think what you were 2108 01:23:55,385 --> 01:23:58,180 about to do was to try to convince me that even though 2109 01:23:58,180 --> 01:24:02,184 you've been impaled by a large piece of 2110 01:24:02,184 --> 01:24:05,270 restoration hardware, you want to go back in there 2111 01:24:05,270 --> 01:24:07,814 and fight some lunatic 2112 01:24:07,814 --> 01:24:12,319 who is physically superior to you in every possible way 2113 01:24:12,319 --> 01:24:15,197 because you're not just his sidekick. 2114 01:24:15,197 --> 01:24:17,199 You're his best friend. 2115 01:24:19,493 --> 01:24:21,119 You're goddamn right I am. 2116 01:24:21,119 --> 01:24:23,121 So why go through all this trouble? 2117 01:24:23,121 --> 01:24:26,124 The Swedish actor, the torture chamber. 2118 01:24:26,124 --> 01:24:29,669 You think it's easy stealing a man's identity, hmm? 2119 01:24:29,669 --> 01:24:31,129 You think it's as easy as stealing his face? 2120 01:24:31,129 --> 01:24:33,048 Well, it's not, Little Pretty. 2121 01:24:33,048 --> 01:24:34,841 It's much harder than that. 2122 01:24:34,841 --> 01:24:37,344 Had to get his goddamn fingerprints first. 2123 01:24:37,344 --> 01:24:40,222 After that, I had to take all your goddamn passwords. 2124 01:24:40,222 --> 01:24:43,558 Once I got that, I said, we get your voice ID. 2125 01:24:43,558 --> 01:24:45,393 All the other secrets that you hold, I got it. 2126 01:24:45,393 --> 01:24:46,978 I got it good. 2127 01:24:46,978 --> 01:24:49,773 So now you have everything you need to be Kevin. 2128 01:24:49,773 --> 01:24:52,234 You even removed your mole, you sick son of a bitch. 2129 01:24:52,234 --> 01:24:53,693 [Doug] Yeah, I did. 2130 01:24:53,693 --> 01:24:55,237 You know why? 2131 01:24:55,237 --> 01:24:57,239 'Cause I'm Kevin Hart. I'm Kevin Hart. 2132 01:24:57,239 --> 01:24:58,782 I got all the money in the world. 2133 01:24:58,782 --> 01:25:00,325 I got the best dermatologist in the world 2134 01:25:00,325 --> 01:25:02,035 'cause I'm Kevin Hart. [laughs] 2135 01:25:02,035 --> 01:25:03,662 Dr. Sanchez would never touch 2136 01:25:03,662 --> 01:25:04,871 that rough-ass skin of yours. 2137 01:25:04,871 --> 01:25:06,665 But she did, motherfucker. She did! 2138 01:25:06,665 --> 01:25:08,124 [Kevin] Ah, shit! 2139 01:25:08,124 --> 01:25:10,669 [all grunting] 2140 01:25:22,097 --> 01:25:23,765 No, boy. 2141 01:25:23,765 --> 01:25:26,268 Smack your ass. No, no! 2142 01:25:26,268 --> 01:25:27,894 - Ah, ah. Hold on. - What? 2143 01:25:29,229 --> 01:25:30,772 Superman punch! 2144 01:25:35,694 --> 01:25:37,529 No, not today. 2145 01:25:37,529 --> 01:25:38,905 Oh. 2146 01:25:38,905 --> 01:25:40,490 [groans] 2147 01:25:40,490 --> 01:25:42,993 [Doug] I told you. - Ah, you stupid little bitch. 2148 01:25:42,993 --> 01:25:45,912 Wasn't done with you, hmm? 2149 01:25:45,912 --> 01:25:49,749 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2150 01:25:49,749 --> 01:25:51,042 See, I got your body. 2151 01:25:51,042 --> 01:25:52,502 Doug, you ain't got to do this, man. 2152 01:25:52,502 --> 01:25:53,920 - Give me a chance. - But now-- 2153 01:25:53,920 --> 01:25:55,213 Doug, no! 2154 01:25:55,213 --> 01:25:56,756 Now I want your soul. 2155 01:25:56,756 --> 01:25:58,008 Don't take my soul. 2156 01:25:58,008 --> 01:25:59,718 I'm gonna get your fucking soul. 2157 01:25:59,718 --> 01:26:03,221 What's happened to me? What the fuck you just do to me? 2158 01:26:03,221 --> 01:26:05,849 Oh, shit. 2159 01:26:05,849 --> 01:26:07,809 Just stab me in my goddamn scapula, boy? 2160 01:26:07,809 --> 01:26:09,311 - Hey! - Huh? 2161 01:26:09,311 --> 01:26:11,354 That's a wrap on Doug. 2162 01:26:11,354 --> 01:26:14,524 Oh, got me good. 2163 01:26:14,524 --> 01:26:16,026 Motherfucker! 2164 01:26:18,862 --> 01:26:20,071 [gasps] 2165 01:26:25,160 --> 01:26:27,746 Hold on, Andre, is that the piece of wood 2166 01:26:27,746 --> 01:26:29,456 that was lodged in your side? 2167 01:26:29,456 --> 01:26:31,207 Sidekick for life. 2168 01:26:31,207 --> 01:26:33,752 No, Andre, that was supposed to stay in to stop the bleeding. 2169 01:26:33,752 --> 01:26:35,462 [Cynthia] I told him it was a dumb idea, 2170 01:26:35,462 --> 01:26:37,172 but does he listen to his mom? 2171 01:26:37,172 --> 01:26:38,423 I'd do anything for you, man. 2172 01:26:38,423 --> 01:26:40,342 Hey, hey, look at me. 2173 01:26:40,342 --> 01:26:42,218 You're the best damn sidekick I ever seen. 2174 01:26:43,470 --> 01:26:44,804 Alright, guys, call the cops. 2175 01:26:44,804 --> 01:26:47,974 Stay with Doug until they get here, okay? 2176 01:26:47,974 --> 01:26:50,143 I've gotta get you to the hospital. 2177 01:26:50,143 --> 01:26:52,020 This time, I'm driving. 2178 01:26:54,648 --> 01:26:56,858 You know, actually, I will drive. I'm gonna drive. 2179 01:26:56,858 --> 01:26:58,234 I saw the way you drove last time, 2180 01:26:58,234 --> 01:27:00,320 so I think I'll take it from here. 2181 01:27:00,320 --> 01:27:01,529 - Why don't we just-- - We'll figure it out. 2182 01:27:01,529 --> 01:27:02,864 We'll figure it out. 2183 01:27:02,864 --> 01:27:04,240 Yeah, but I'll use my feet and hands, 2184 01:27:04,240 --> 01:27:05,492 and you can sit on my lap or some shit. 2185 01:27:05,492 --> 01:27:07,410 He's in shock. I got you, buddy. 2186 01:27:07,410 --> 01:27:09,245 Keep an eye on Doug. 2187 01:27:09,245 --> 01:27:10,789 I got you, buddy. 2188 01:27:12,958 --> 01:27:15,210 [Kevin] I mean, I was foolish. 2189 01:27:15,210 --> 01:27:18,922 I let my ego run the show, and I'm honestly, 2190 01:27:18,922 --> 01:27:21,883 I'm lucky to be alive. We both are. 2191 01:27:21,883 --> 01:27:23,760 Why is he here with us again? 2192 01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:26,888 [chuckles] 'Cause he's a vital part of my team. 2193 01:27:26,888 --> 01:27:28,390 Ah, okay. 2194 01:27:28,390 --> 01:27:30,058 [Jordan] Hi, hi, hi. Sorry. 2195 01:27:30,058 --> 01:27:32,310 - Sorry I'm late. - And so is she. 2196 01:27:34,020 --> 01:27:35,313 And so are they. 2197 01:27:35,313 --> 01:27:38,108 [cheering] 2198 01:27:38,108 --> 01:27:40,735 Alright. Who is the older lady? 2199 01:27:40,735 --> 01:27:42,696 Are you talking about that gorgeous woman 2200 01:27:42,696 --> 01:27:44,739 in the back? That's my mama. 2201 01:27:44,739 --> 01:27:47,033 Mama, how's the food? 2202 01:27:47,033 --> 01:27:48,994 Oh, it's so confusing. 2203 01:27:48,994 --> 01:27:50,662 [Andre] Yeah. [Cynthia] I love it, though. 2204 01:27:50,662 --> 01:27:52,706 [Kevin] I'm not really sure what her role is yet. 2205 01:27:52,706 --> 01:27:54,791 We're still trying to iron out the kinks. 2206 01:27:54,791 --> 01:27:56,751 But what I do know is it takes a village 2207 01:27:56,751 --> 01:27:58,044 to operate the world of Kevin Hart, 2208 01:27:58,044 --> 01:27:59,671 and she's a villager. 2209 01:27:59,671 --> 01:28:01,047 [whispering] What's a villager? 2210 01:28:01,047 --> 01:28:03,008 Wow, Kevin, I gotta say, 2211 01:28:03,008 --> 01:28:04,551 you certainly have changed. 2212 01:28:04,551 --> 01:28:06,344 [Kevin] No, I just learned to appreciate the people 2213 01:28:06,344 --> 01:28:09,514 that matter the most in my life. 2214 01:28:09,514 --> 01:28:11,850 ♪ Lovely day lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2215 01:28:11,850 --> 01:28:16,271 Well, does that mean that you're in for Jefferson's 2? 2216 01:28:16,271 --> 01:28:19,315 Yeah. Just gotta check with my stuntman first. 2217 01:28:19,315 --> 01:28:20,900 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2218 01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:22,485 Isn't he in prison now? 2219 01:28:22,485 --> 01:28:24,654 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2220 01:28:24,654 --> 01:28:28,241 [scoffs] He is. 2221 01:28:28,241 --> 01:28:30,994 Yeah, I don't know. It slipped my mind. 2222 01:28:30,994 --> 01:28:32,579 Ah, I forgot. 2223 01:28:32,579 --> 01:28:34,497 [laughs] 2224 01:28:34,497 --> 01:28:36,166 [Jordan] Forgot? 2225 01:28:36,166 --> 01:28:38,293 [chuckles nervously] 2226 01:28:38,293 --> 01:28:40,795 [tense music] 2227 01:28:42,464 --> 01:28:44,257 Hey. Hey, guard. 2228 01:28:44,257 --> 01:28:47,010 Guard! Hey, let me out of here. 2229 01:28:47,010 --> 01:28:48,553 I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy. 2230 01:28:48,553 --> 01:28:51,473 [Prisoner] Shut the fuck up! - I'm Kevin Hart. 2231 01:28:51,473 --> 01:28:53,892 I'm Kevin Hart! 2232 01:28:53,892 --> 01:28:56,352 [dramatic music] 2233 01:29:31,471 --> 01:29:33,932 [music continues] 2234 01:29:47,904 --> 01:29:50,323 {\an8}[dramatic music] 2235 01:30:18,643 --> 01:30:21,020 {\an8}[music continues] 2236 01:30:51,551 --> 01:30:54,012 {\an8}[music continues] 2237 01:30:54,012 --> 01:30:59,012 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 2238 01:30:54,012 --> 01:31:04,012 For latest movies and series with subtitles Visit WWW.AWAFIM.TV Today 155756