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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,672 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,615 [Curtis Mayfield singing "Move On Up"] 3 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,087 ♪ Hush now child... ♪ 4 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,799 [Kevin] I mean, I'm 30,000 feet in the air, right? 5 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,176 They're saying, Kevin, come on, please. 6 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,594 Kev, you got to put on the parachute. 7 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:52,970 Everybody's going, please, please, Kev. 8 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,680 At this point, they're begging me. 9 00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,265 Tell me that the story ends 10 00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:57,641 with you wearing the parachute. 11 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:01,187 Absolutely fucking not, no! No! 12 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,938 No, I wanted to be authentic. Right? 13 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:04,482 - It's got to be real. - Yeah. 14 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,734 You know what Tom Cruise calls parachutes? Diapers. 15 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,486 Is that because they fill up when you're falling? 16 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,280 No. Tom told me, he said, Kevin, they put me in a parachute, 17 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:13,741 they might as well put a diaper on me and send me to pasture. 18 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,202 Look, Kevin... you know, 19 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,078 based on the success of the first one, 20 00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:21,624 we see massive franchise potential with The Jefferson's. 21 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,709 And you know, your agent just keeps saying that you might 22 00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,544 be waffling on doing a sequel. 23 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,087 And I'm just here to ask, is it about the money? 24 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:30,132 Look, Deb, The Jefferson's is amazing, right? 25 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:31,550 We did amazing work there. 26 00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:33,761 But I'll be honest, when I walk on that set, 27 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,346 I feel like I'm being babysat. 28 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,265 I mean, they give me goddamn stunt coordinators. 29 00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:42,686 I have-- I have stage managers, uh, wires, green screens. 30 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,022 Yes, a-- and somehow, you still manage to jump out 31 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,858 of an airplane without a chute. 32 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,735 I wasn't telling the truth when I told you that, 33 00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:51,195 but I forgot to say I was lying. 34 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,988 So let's take a pause, right? 35 00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,490 Put a pin in that, so you understand 36 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,492 that wasn't the truth. I had to make that up. 37 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:57,701 I was pretending. 38 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,203 But you know why I got to pretend? 39 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,497 Because I'm not a real action star, Deb. 40 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,874 Kevin, you took a sitcom about a dry cleaner, 41 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,085 and you turned him into motherfucking Jason Bourne. 42 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,921 Okay? You are a real action star. 43 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,048 - No, not yet. - Not yet? 44 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,552 No. But I will be. 45 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,262 When you fund my next project. 46 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,889 Okay. 47 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,266 Deb, now, look, what I'm about to tell you is going 48 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,600 to seem crazy at first, but I promise you, 49 00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,686 if you give it a chance, you'll get it. 50 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,980 - Close your eyes. - Okay. 51 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,941 Deb, I want you to picture yourself going up a mountain. 52 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,234 [glass breaking] 53 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,486 [guests screaming] 54 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,613 [Man 1] On the ground! Let's go! 55 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,948 [grunts] 56 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,074 Alright, you rich assholes! 57 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,285 [gunfire] 58 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:42,162 Wallets, Rolexes, jewelry! 59 00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,706 All your fancy shit! 60 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,332 - What is taking so long? - Put it in the bag! 61 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:46,709 Let's go! 62 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,210 [whispering] Just stay calm. Stay calm. 63 00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,087 [Man 2] Everything shiny! Let's go! 64 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,297 [gunfire] 65 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,715 Get it in the bag! Let's go! 66 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,758 [whispering] They're coming this way. 67 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,343 I don't have all day here! 68 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387 [whispering] Shit, shit! Shit, shit, shit! 69 00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,765 Trying to hide, little man? 70 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,978 The fuck did you just call me? 71 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,107 Bet you got a big wallet for such a little man. 72 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,859 Now, put it in the bag! 73 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:16,906 You want my wallet? Huh? 74 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,032 Get back. I got this. 75 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,575 [whispering] You got what? 76 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,871 - I want your gun! - Shit! 77 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,873 You believe this fucking clown? 78 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,167 [grunting] 79 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:29,543 Give me your gun! 80 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,881 [gasps] 81 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,215 Whoa. 82 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,010 You're just going to be the first man in history 83 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,720 to shoot somebody with a safety on? 84 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,805 - What? - Huh? 85 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,350 [grunting] 86 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:52,942 I don't like guns. 87 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,568 Oh, shit! 88 00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:55,903 [groans] 89 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,279 - Not enough. - God damn it. 90 00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,614 Shit. 91 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,243 [yells] 92 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,798 Nice to beef you, motherfucker. 93 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,383 [applause] 94 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:25,057 Hey, it's not about me. It's about you. 95 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,017 I'm glad everybody's safe. 96 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,811 It's a crazy world that we're living in. 97 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,271 - A lot of nut jobs out here. - Oh, Kevin! 98 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,482 Kevin? What just happened? 99 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:38,028 Real goddamn action! 100 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,196 That's what just happened. 101 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,532 - Okay. - Real fucking action. 102 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,242 That's the adrenaline that I want audiences 103 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,494 across the globe to feel, Deb. 104 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,413 This-- this was all staged? 105 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,832 Yeah! All of it. They're actors. 106 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,041 I just wanted to give you a little taste of what 107 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,501 our movie was about, right? 108 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,044 This is the movie that we're going to make. 109 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,714 So what I did was, I brought an outline, right? 110 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,507 A little rough outline to give you a little idea 111 00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,675 about what we're going to do. 112 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,635 - Oh, boy. - Right? 113 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:03,303 The world of our movie lives 114 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,264 in improvised action. 115 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:08,058 It's spontaneous ass-whoopins. That's what this is about. 116 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,561 That guy spontaneously hit you with a gun. 117 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,729 [Kevin] You're talking about Larry? 118 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,856 Larry! Hey! You got me good. 119 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,774 - I'm gonna feel that one. - Yeah, you are. 120 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,068 You goddamn right. [chuckling] Fucking Larry. 121 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,320 You're not well. Oh, no, you're not well. 122 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:21,780 [Kevin] This is about me getting a respect 123 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:24,033 that I deserve as an action star, Deb! 124 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,325 [Deb chuckles] 125 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,496 What is it that you want me to say here? 126 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,748 [Kevin] What do I want you to say? 127 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,208 Deb, I want you to say, I'll do it! 128 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:36,962 My answer is no. Never. 129 00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,297 This is never going to happen, 130 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,840 not at my studio or anyone else's. No. 131 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,383 [Kevin] Please? - No. 132 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:42,926 [Kevin] Can you just give it a-- - No, no, no, no. 133 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,970 Deb, can you just-- 134 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:47,681 Can you just please give it a-- give it a read? 135 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:50,809 [Deb] Oh. - Okay? Here. 136 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:53,020 There you go. That's all-- that's all I want. 137 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,563 Can you just-- 138 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,983 I'll read it. 139 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,613 We did it! Yeah! 140 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,115 [applause] 141 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,960 [horn honking] 142 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:23,759 Hello, Mr. Greenlight! She loved it, right? 143 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,552 I told you she was going to love it! 144 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,513 What's the budget she gave you? $300 million? 145 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,723 $400-- $500 million for this? 146 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:31,266 Just drive. 147 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,314 I am so sorry, Kevin. That's not-- that is not fair. 148 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,733 You are a king, and this town doesn't deserve you. 149 00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,610 Do you hear me? You are a king! 150 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,946 You are my king! Praise! 151 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,864 Praise! 152 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,741 Wait a second. Is that her right there? 153 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,159 Is that her, the one throwing away the script? 154 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,620 Is that her right there? Excuse me, ma'am! 155 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:54,206 Excuse me, ma'am, in the red jacket! How are you? 156 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,667 Kevin Darnell Hart is a national treasure! 157 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,335 - A national treasure! - Just drive the car! 158 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,087 [Andre] We're going to drive the car! 159 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,755 But honestly, get your shit together! 160 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,173 Nice to meet you! 161 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,592 [Kevin] Drive the fucking car, Andre! 162 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:08,095 [instrumental music] 163 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,477 [upbeat music] 164 00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:17,813 Today is gonna be the most amazing day of your life. 165 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,231 Your papers. 166 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,858 You say the same thing every day, Andre. 167 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,985 - And every day, you're wrong. - Oh, well, come on. 168 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,486 You're just cranky, because you haven't 169 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,113 had your tofu tahini smoothie. 170 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,574 I'll get that for you right now. Sophie! His TT! 171 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,908 I really hate that you call it that. 172 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,827 Here we go. Big gulps. 173 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,787 - There you go. - No. 174 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,291 I'm cranky, because the movie of my dreams just flamed. Okay? 175 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,042 Now, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. 176 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,503 Well, I mean, come on, man. You still have us. 177 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,838 That's amazing, right? You have us. 178 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,464 What the hell does that mean? Ooh. 179 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:48,260 Hannah, Sophie, me, your man TJ right over here! 180 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,095 I'm talking about your village! 181 00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:51,513 I know what you need. I know what you need. 182 00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,056 A massage. 183 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,850 Nina, these are all set up for the new hot stones? 184 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,059 I can be in about ten minutes. 185 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,270 She can be in about ten minutes. 186 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,480 Kevin, the crew are ready whenever you are. 187 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,024 Yeah. I'm ready. 188 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,108 [Andre] You got this! 189 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,526 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,069 There you go. 191 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,487 Oh, God. How you doing? 192 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,281 Good. Great. 193 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:13,118 Kev, now just pretend you're biking through the Swiss Alps. 194 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,662 We'll CG the Alps in later. 195 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,206 What is that? 196 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,665 I'm on foot, though. I need a bike, right? 197 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,751 We'll CG that in, too. Action! 198 00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,505 [Kevin] You just want me to-- 199 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,090 [Director] Just go for it. 200 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,842 Act like I'm riding a bike? 201 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:31,053 - Exactly. [Andre] Straight arms. 202 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,847 Kevin, look at this. Kevin, look at this. 203 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:36,391 [Kevin] Hey, man. Not-- No! 204 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,436 I can't-- can't do this shit! I can't. 205 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:44,524 I-- I cannot do this shit any more! Alright? 206 00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:48,278 I'm tired of the CGI and the goddamn green screens, 207 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,447 all this fake shit! 208 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,740 No, uh-- 209 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,325 [Kevin] I want real fucking action! 210 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,952 - Ah! [Andre] Kevin, no! 211 00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,540 Nina? What's the ETA on those hot stones? 212 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,125 [yells] 213 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,752 [crowd screaming] 214 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,172 [Reporter] It appears A-list actor 215 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:09,132 Kevin Hart is back in the news again. 216 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,678 Star of the high-octane reboot of The Jefferson's, 217 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,014 Hart has spent his own money destroying a high-end Hollywood 218 00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,684 restaurant in an attempt to woo a studio 219 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,686 boss into financing what he refers to 220 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,897 as a cinema verité-style action film. 221 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,775 This comes just a year after the actor famously 222 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:30,153 fired his long-time stuntman Doug Eubanks 223 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,905 in the middle of production, a decision 224 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,907 that left insiders dumbfounded. 225 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,325 Bring me this man. 226 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,618 [ominous music] 227 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:40,122 Bring me this Kevin Hart. 228 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,999 [Reporter] ...also known as Mr. 206. 229 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,712 [Kevin] Wow. This is big, man. 230 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,630 No, like, this is really big. 231 00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:50,340 Andre, I don't think you understand! 232 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,135 I cast my dream out into the universe, and guess what? 233 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,720 Karl Stromberg comes running! 234 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,556 Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. 235 00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,142 But I got to say, boss. I don't like it. 236 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,352 I mean, you don't even know this guy, right? 237 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,479 I tried to look him up, and nothing came up on Google. 238 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,190 Duh. It's because he's European. 239 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,609 They got their own Google. Everybody knows that. Alright? 240 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,154 Listen, the guy is loaded, got tons of money. 241 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,781 And if his desire is to make my movie, then so be it. 242 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,616 - I'm good. - I can't do it, boss. 243 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,410 I am so sorry. I can't do it. 244 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,412 My job is to look out for your best interest, and I don't-- 245 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,331 Uh, what did you just say? 246 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,415 It's my job to look out for your-- 247 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,208 It's not your job. 248 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,045 As a matter of fact, that's the complete opposite of your job. 249 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,881 You know who looks out for me, Andre? Me. 250 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,341 That's who looks out for me. Me! 251 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,592 Okay? 252 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,177 - You know what? Pull over. - What? 253 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,470 Pull over. I'm driving myself. I don't want you-- 254 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,888 Kevin, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 255 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,181 Kevin, you can't drive yourself. You need me! 256 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,183 - You need me! - I do not need you. 257 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,518 Correction! [chuckles] I don't need you! 258 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:44,895 I didn't need my stunt man! 259 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,355 I damn sure don't need an assistant 260 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,564 telling me how to live my life. 261 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,815 Pull over! 262 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,777 [car honking] 263 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,028 Don't-- don't hold the wheel in the middle! 264 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,781 Shut up, Andre! I said shut up! 265 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,407 - I know how to drive! - We know! 266 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,992 We all know! He knows how to drive a car! 267 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,453 We know! But let's say you put your hand down. 268 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,455 - You pop it in D. - Pop it in first! 269 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,332 Nope, that's reverse! Whoa! You know what? 270 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,000 Why don't I help you out? 271 00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,002 I'll get in there, I'll start her up, I'll roll out, 272 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,212 and everybody will think it was you. 273 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,671 [Kevin] I don't want your help! 274 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,215 Good, good, good! Good! 275 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,508 Good! Good, good, good! 276 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,093 [Kevin] Yeah, smooth! Very smooth! 277 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,261 - You're leaving! [Kevin] Yeah! Fuck off! 278 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,013 I'll drive all the way home! 279 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,434 [cigar cutter clinks] 280 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,230 [inhales] 281 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,940 [exhales] 282 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,442 [opera music] 283 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,869 So, Karl... 284 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:46,123 Karl, what is it, uh, what is that you do for a living, man? 285 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,503 I made my fortune mining precious metals. 286 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,171 [Kevin] Mm. 287 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:57,342 Now, I finance films, primarily in the Balkans, 288 00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:58,885 once in North Korea. 289 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,971 It's probably hard to get permits over there, huh? 290 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,307 Permits are for cowards. 291 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:08,770 Your outline... is dangerous. 292 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,313 It's violent. 293 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,898 It's almost no narrative that makes 294 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:14,860 sense to a regular human being. 295 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,612 I am not the regular human being. No. 296 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,868 - I am Karl Stromberg. - Yeah. 297 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,619 [Karl] And that is why... 298 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,623 I will finance this film for you. 299 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,710 What did you just say to me? 300 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,170 You're telling me that you're going 301 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,089 to finance my goddamn movie? Huh? 302 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:39,092 [chuckles] Dude, you just made my day, man! 303 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:41,011 And I don't have to do my pitch! Because my pitch is expensive. 304 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,721 I ain't going to break all this glass 305 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,347 and stuff in here, because I know I got to pay for it. 306 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,640 Dude! You just-- 307 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,184 I was in a dark place, Karl. 308 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,019 I was in a real dark place, man. 309 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,188 You just pulled me out of a dark place. 310 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,647 Because people underestimate you. 311 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,899 Yeah. 312 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,443 When you left comedy for the action, 313 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:57,986 they said you'd fail. 314 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,571 Did they? 315 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:02,324 When you fired your stuntman to do your own stunts... 316 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,534 they said you would fail. 317 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:05,827 You heard about that? 318 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,579 [Karl] Everyone heard about that. 319 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,581 It's only you and Tom Cruise who do your own stunts now. 320 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,833 That's-- that's a fact. 321 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,127 Two peas in a pod, man. What's going on? 322 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,338 What you doing? 323 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,756 This film, Kevin... 324 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:23,803 will put you in your own category. 325 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:29,392 Ah! One pea in one pod. 326 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,936 Yes, right. 327 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,812 That's right. One pea, one pod. 328 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,441 Hell, yeah. 329 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,943 That's what it's supposed to be, Karl. 330 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,402 You know what, man? I know we just met, 331 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,030 but I feel like I've known you for a long time, 332 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,490 because you get me. 333 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,367 I'm so sick of this... 334 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:49,579 this CG and this green screen shit! 335 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,665 So what'd you think of the story, Karl? About me-- 336 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,251 No one watches movies for the story. 337 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,669 Yeah. 338 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,379 They watch it for the action. 339 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,715 And the nudity. 340 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,678 I don't really... 341 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:07,639 I don't really have any dick in my script. 342 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:09,099 But if you want some, if you feel like people want 343 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,810 to see dick, I can add some dick. 344 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,895 I can-- I'm not afraid to go full frontal. 345 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,897 I'll do it. Right? 346 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,482 If that's what the people want. 347 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,484 My biggest thing, though, is the action, man. 348 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,111 I just don't-- I don't want to see it coming. 349 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,821 Right? I want to be caught off guard. 350 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,698 - You will shit your pants! - What you talkin' about? 351 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,617 We will have a change of pants available at all times 352 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,037 for when you shit your pants. 353 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,998 [inhales] Because I'm scared. 354 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,666 [Karl] You will shit. - I-- I will shit. 355 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,334 [Karl] You will shit... - Yeah. 356 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:37,836 [Karl] ...your pants. - I'll shit my goddamn pants. 357 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,796 You will shit! 358 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,548 [Kevin] I want to shit! - You will shit. 359 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,924 [Kevin] Alright! I wanna shit! 360 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,010 - You wanna shit? - Yeah! I will shit! 361 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,095 You shit your pants! 362 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,764 I'm ready to shit my pants, Karl! 363 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:53,935 I want to shit my pants! Right now! 364 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,646 When-- when do we start so I can shit! 365 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,690 [Karl] We already have. 366 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,650 There's a camera hidden right behind you. 367 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,277 [ominous music] 368 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,946 Ohh! 369 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,824 [chuckles] I think I see it! 370 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,327 The little-- the black-- the space with the black, right? 371 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,828 [gunshot] 372 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,843 [weak groaning] 373 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,097 [moaning] 374 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,355 [cutter clinking] 375 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,901 [groaning] 376 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,403 [yelling] 377 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,502 [screaming] 378 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,297 Back up! 379 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,007 Get your ass back! 380 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,217 I don't know who you think you messing with, 381 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,510 but I tell you, you got... 382 00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,220 Oh, shit! 383 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,764 He going to fucking eat my ass! 384 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,016 He going to eat my ass and set me on fire or some shit, 385 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,559 ain't you? 386 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,229 Who are you? Huh? 387 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,564 Where am I? Tell me-- tell me where I'm at! 388 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,775 Who... Wait a minute. 389 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,902 Do you work, you work for Karl Stromberg? 390 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,659 I said, do you work for Karl Stromberg? 391 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,249 Okay. 392 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,545 Okay. Okay, we in it. 393 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,672 This is it. We're doing it. 394 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,133 Okay, Karl! I like it! I like it! 395 00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:50,176 Um, okay, shit. 396 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,178 Okay, let me see. Where-- where are we in the script? 397 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,139 God, my adrenaline's flowing so much. 398 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:57,350 You got me! I thought you was really trying to eat my ass! 399 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,769 Alright. Uh, okay, three, two, one. 400 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,187 [blabbers] Okay. 401 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,648 Rice, peas, carrots, let's go. [sniffles] 402 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,151 [dramatic music] 403 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,073 You know, I've been searching the globe for you. 404 00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,951 You're a hard man to find, Mr. Bartholomew. 405 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,917 I think you got a line. 406 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,211 You got a line! 407 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,173 Uh, you say your part, and I'll react off of that. 408 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,884 Because what you say sets me up to now have my... 409 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:34,596 Unless you're not union. Or-- Is he union or no? 410 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,015 Guys? Can you not just-- 411 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,433 Okay. 412 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,477 Oh, rewrite. There must have been pink pages. 413 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,395 Okay. Uh, let me get back in. 414 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,980 [clinking] 415 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,484 What you going to do with those? 416 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,819 Chop off my finger? Hmm? 417 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,654 Cut off my leg? My foot? 418 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,281 [clinking] 419 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,201 Newsflash, I only need one foot to kick your ass. 420 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,664 That is a trailer moment! Guys! I only-- 421 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,125 [Man on speaker] Good evening. 422 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:07,545 Do not use the shears on this man. 423 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,130 [Kevin] Is that-- is that the producer? 424 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,840 Is that Karl? Karl! 425 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,219 [Man on speaker] He must atone for his sins. 426 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,638 What is that? Atone for my-- I don't know-- 427 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,556 [Man on speaker] He must feel the pain 428 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,433 he has made others feel. 429 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,855 Yeah, I'm lost, guys. I don't know where we are. 430 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,982 Um, if we're going to do rewrites, 431 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,901 you guys got to give me the pages. 432 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,444 I'll stay in it. I'll stay in it. Uh... 433 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,363 [metallic whirring] 434 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,033 Okay, alright. Okay. 435 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,785 Why don't we-- why don't we take it easy? 436 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,245 Because I know why you're mad, huh? 437 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,496 You're mad because-- Stop right there. 438 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,039 Let's stop right there. No, no, no. 439 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,375 Let's make that your mark. Nope, stop right there. 440 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,670 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Hey! 441 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:49,921 [Man on speaker] Count to ten. 442 00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,339 No, fuck you! Wait! 443 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,883 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, man! 444 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,469 Hey! No, no, don't cut my dick! 445 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,888 Don't cut my dick! That's not-- Okay, use it. 446 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,682 I'mma use it! Stay in it. 447 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,267 [grunts] 448 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,186 Yeah! 449 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,321 Two. 450 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,533 [Kevin] Come on! 451 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,576 Come on! 452 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,078 [yelling] 453 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,542 [sighs] 454 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,799 Damn it! 455 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,301 No, not today. 456 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,137 Yeah! 457 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,972 Did we get it? Huh? 458 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,766 [laughs] Spin it! We got it! 459 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,768 Yeah! Oh! 460 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,645 [ominous music] 461 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,065 Comin' to beat your ass, Montoya. 462 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,153 This set's incredible. So good. 463 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,699 Shit! 464 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,367 It's Montoya's men. 465 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,088 [woman yells] 466 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,798 Jordan? The hell are you doing here? 467 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,343 [muffled yelling] 468 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,638 Son of a bitch! 469 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,890 Did they hurt you? Hm? Did they hurt you? 470 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,225 Kevin, what the hell is going on? 471 00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,686 The uranium heist. That's what's going on. 472 00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,439 - Wait, what? - I already handled Bartholomew. 473 00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:35,652 But General Montoya, he's not going to let us off as easy. 474 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,279 What the hell are you talking about? 475 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,364 Shit! 476 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,115 I was walking my dog, 477 00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:42,784 and someone hit me in the fucking neck 478 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,452 with a tranquillizer dart! 479 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,579 - Huh? - And I ended up here. 480 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,247 What are you talking about? 481 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,874 You didn't talk to Karl Stromberg? 482 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,250 Who? 483 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,586 Karl Stromberg about the movie? 484 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,005 Right now, we're in it! This is the movie! 485 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,382 It's a live-action movie! 486 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,717 We're improving all the action scenes! 487 00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,261 No green screen, no fucking cables. 488 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,013 It's real, raw. 489 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,473 He's going to take my acting career 490 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,141 and my action status to the next level. 491 00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,851 So this is all your fault? 492 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,645 [Kevin] Well, I mean, it's my script. 493 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,605 It took me I don't know how long to develop it. But Karl-- 494 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,273 - What the hell is your problem! - Stop! 495 00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,650 What is wrong with you? 496 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,110 - Shit! Ow! - Annoying! 497 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,237 Stop. Shit! That's sharp! 498 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,197 How long were you laying on that? 499 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,699 Damn it! 500 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,534 Now, why you got an attitude? 501 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,829 This is a simple outline! It's a layup! 502 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:30,039 Okay? I'm a triple agent. 503 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:32,625 MI-7. I'm the highest of high, right? 504 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,293 Like, you can't get higher than where I am. 505 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,254 But you-- you're my love interest. 506 00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:37,630 They took you hostage because they knew that's the only way 507 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,048 to get to me. 508 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,842 So now, I'm here, and I got to get you. 509 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,427 - You understand what-- - You're pathetic. 510 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,304 And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is a felony. 511 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,557 Well, I'm pretty sure that when you're an adult, 512 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,058 they don't call it kidnapping. 513 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,144 So that's-- [chuckles] That's pathetic. 514 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,645 Fuck you, Kevin. 515 00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,772 What do you mean fuck me? Why are you at me? 516 00:21:54,856 --> 00:21:56,566 You should be mad at Karl Stromberg! Not me! 517 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,484 I do not know who that is! 518 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:00,236 Shh! 519 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,739 [ominous music] 520 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,783 You don't want him to hear you. 521 00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,702 Who? Who will hear me? 522 00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,580 There's no one here! And do not say Karl Stromberg. 523 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,498 Are you saying Strum or Strom? 524 00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,083 Is it Strum or Stromberg? Because I don't know. 525 00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,335 [Kevin] Okay, hey, hey, hey. 526 00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,212 There are cameras everywhere. 527 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,089 We're filming a movie! 528 00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:21,507 Where? 529 00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:24,802 Where? There are no cameras anywhere! 530 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:27,930 Will you look around? There's cameras everywhere! 531 00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,682 Okay, listen. Listen. 532 00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:32,769 All I need you to do is just grasp what's going on. 533 00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,104 This is a big opportunity for both of us. 534 00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,899 Okay? Just get in character. 535 00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,650 Please? 536 00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:41,694 [dramatic music] 537 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,115 They got this place locked down tighter than Fort Knox. 538 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,743 Oh, God. You wrote this dialogue? 539 00:22:48,826 --> 00:22:51,954 Those motherfuckers knew I would come rescue you. 540 00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:54,499 Beautiful damsel in distress like yourself. 541 00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:56,209 [music stops] 542 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:59,962 Yep. Thank you for rescuing me. 543 00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:04,133 Just like any woman, I wouldn't know what to do 544 00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:08,179 if a man didn't show up to save me and tell me to eat 545 00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,973 so I don't starve and breathe oxygen, so I don't suffocate. 546 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:13,309 Let's cut. Let's cut. 547 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,019 Can we cut? 548 00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:16,437 Can you work with me? 549 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:20,942 - I'd rather not. - Please. 550 00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,819 [Kevin] Thank you. - Okay. 551 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,946 [Kevin] Alright, guys, we're going to go again. Alright? 552 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,030 Self-action. 553 00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:27,824 [dramatic music] 554 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,368 Do you have any idea what's on the other side of that door? 555 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:32,745 There are some dangerous men on the other side of that door. 556 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:36,165 I'm talking mercenaries, killers, ninjas, 557 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:37,834 failed karate school instructors, 558 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,293 people that want to do bad things to me 559 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:41,212 just because they can. 560 00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:44,298 There's a bounty on my fucking head. 561 00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,386 I'll tell you what, Esmeralda. 562 00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,473 I'll pay that bounty. 563 00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:56,269 And I will give them my head... if it meant saving your life 564 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:57,979 so that you can finish med school 565 00:23:58,062 --> 00:23:59,772 and open up that clinic that you always wanted to-- 566 00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:01,649 Ow! Shit! 567 00:24:01,732 --> 00:24:03,609 Open up that clinic that you always wanted-- 568 00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:05,069 Esmeralda, wait. 569 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:09,699 Esmeralda! Hey! 570 00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,201 [ominous music] 571 00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,996 Oh, you fucking piece of shit! 572 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:17,206 You leave her out of it, you hear me? 573 00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:19,584 She's got nothing to do with this. 574 00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:24,547 This is between me, you, and the 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium. 575 00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:25,798 [glass breaking] 576 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,551 Alright. That's how you want to have it? 577 00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:31,429 Let's have at it. 578 00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:33,347 I'm so over this. 579 00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,933 Kevin, next time you have a terrible movie idea, 580 00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,727 leave me out of it, yeah? 581 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,270 - Ah! - Oh, shit! 582 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:41,480 [groaning] 583 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:45,443 I'm sorry, but did this central casting goon 584 00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:48,738 just hit me in the face with a real fucking ass-- Cut. 585 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:51,032 No, no, no, we need to cut right now! 586 00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:52,783 I don't know what weird production this is, 587 00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:54,619 but I need to speak to a producer! 588 00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:56,370 [yelling] 589 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,757 Is that all you've got? 590 00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,552 Jordan. Let me get in there now. 591 00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:15,640 Slam his ass! 592 00:25:15,723 --> 00:25:18,476 [yelling] 593 00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:20,895 Jordan! Let my character get some! 594 00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:22,271 Tag me in! 595 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,899 [yelling] 596 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,902 [glass breaking] 597 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:29,695 Damn! 598 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:31,781 [yelling] 599 00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:37,495 Hold it. 600 00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:38,913 Hold it. 601 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,001 Yeah! 602 00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:47,672 Whoa! We got that! 603 00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:49,131 What a scene! 604 00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:51,550 Good job! Here. 605 00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:52,885 I think I'm the one that was supposed 606 00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,303 to kick his ass, though. 607 00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:55,805 Because I'm the lead. 608 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:57,098 So I'm quite sure that was supposed to be me. 609 00:25:57,181 --> 00:25:58,349 But we'll fix it in post-- 610 00:25:58,432 --> 00:25:59,934 [gunfire] 611 00:26:00,017 --> 00:26:02,436 Go, go, go! Go! 612 00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,524 [panting] 613 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,527 [Jordan] That guy was trying to kill me! 614 00:26:09,610 --> 00:26:10,945 Kevin, not acting! 615 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:12,780 Not a movie! Literally trying to kill me! 616 00:26:12,863 --> 00:26:15,199 No. It's cinema verité. 617 00:26:15,283 --> 00:26:16,742 I know it's a little different, but that's what it is. 618 00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:19,328 Different? A little fucking different, Kevin? 619 00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:21,038 - Wow, shit! - Are you okay? 620 00:26:21,122 --> 00:26:23,416 Yeah, I know you're just trying to get me to apologize. 621 00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,793 - Just give me a second. What? - Kevin. 622 00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:28,713 You've been hit. With a real fucking bullet! 623 00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,466 That's not real blood. 624 00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:33,968 [Jordan] What? 625 00:26:34,051 --> 00:26:35,845 - Of course it's real blood! - No. Taste it. 626 00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:37,471 I'm not going to taste your blood, Kevin! 627 00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:39,724 You can! You can! It's pig's blood! 628 00:26:39,807 --> 00:26:42,143 It's not my blood. [chuckles] 629 00:26:42,226 --> 00:26:43,602 [Jordan] Does that feel fake? 630 00:26:43,686 --> 00:26:46,981 - Ow! Ow! - Shit! Shit, shit. 631 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,733 I gotta lay down! 632 00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:50,359 I gotta lay down! 633 00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:53,612 Kevin! 634 00:26:53,696 --> 00:26:55,031 Kevin! 635 00:26:55,114 --> 00:26:56,824 No, no, no, no, no! Wait, look! 636 00:26:56,907 --> 00:26:59,160 There's a photographer! Look. He wants your picture! See? 637 00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:03,205 Go on! What the fuck! 638 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,792 If I had what now? 639 00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:08,669 [Jordan] Just an unexpected accident 640 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:11,505 with a very small, 641 00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:15,259 flying, fast, like projectile object through his shoulder. 642 00:27:15,343 --> 00:27:16,469 And I just think some painkillers 643 00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:17,511 would really help him. 644 00:27:17,595 --> 00:27:18,763 Mm-hmm. 645 00:27:18,846 --> 00:27:20,264 I know I don't have a prescription, 646 00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:22,058 but I can assure you, this is an emergency. 647 00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,561 I see. 648 00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,441 You want to score some good drugs? 649 00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,235 Some xannies, some ox, chuckleheads, 650 00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,863 wet Garys, Shriek and Jimmy's, moon pie, spider pie? 651 00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,531 Look, I'm not a drug addict! 652 00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:39,784 I'm an actor! Don't you recognize me? 653 00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:41,827 Um-- 654 00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:43,496 Okay, it doesn't matter. Alright? 655 00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,122 My idiot friend got shot with a real bullet, 656 00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:47,583 an actual fucking bullet from an actual fucking gun! 657 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,335 And now, he's bleeding out in your alleyway! 658 00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:51,670 And if you don't help me help him, 659 00:27:51,754 --> 00:27:53,631 you're going to have a body on your hands! 660 00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,010 Would I know him from anywhere? 661 00:27:58,094 --> 00:27:59,637 [sighs] 662 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:00,679 [Jordan] You're lucky it just grazed you. 663 00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:05,434 Here. It's the best I could do. 664 00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:08,396 - The hell is this? - It's for the pain. 665 00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:11,273 Pharmacist was a real piece of work. 666 00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:12,483 Well, you're a piece of work for bringing 667 00:28:12,566 --> 00:28:14,026 this out here to me. 668 00:28:14,110 --> 00:28:16,028 I can't drink this. This is my competitor! 669 00:28:16,112 --> 00:28:18,322 You got to go back in there and ask for Grand Cormino. 670 00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:19,657 Are you being serious right now? 671 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:21,492 Kevin, you've been shot! I was kidnapped! 672 00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:24,495 - Grown woman acting. Okay. - You need to fix this! 673 00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:28,457 - You need to fix this now! - I told you, I can't! Okay? 674 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:29,750 Even if I wanted to, I can't do it. 675 00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:31,836 And by the way, it's all by design. 676 00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:34,088 I gave all the rights over to Karl Stromberg, 677 00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:37,341 who is a great precious metals magnate. 678 00:28:37,425 --> 00:28:38,843 You do hear how that sounds, right? 679 00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:41,178 You-- you hear the words? 680 00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:42,680 You know, Andre was right. 681 00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:45,224 Andre, your assistant? 682 00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:49,270 Yes, my assistant. No, my former assistant. 683 00:28:49,353 --> 00:28:51,647 He was right, though. You know what we're going to do? 684 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:54,525 We're going to pay Karl Stromberg a visit. 685 00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,277 Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to do. 686 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,112 We're going to tell him he needs to get back on book. 687 00:28:58,195 --> 00:29:02,074 Because right now, he's not following my guidelines at all. 688 00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:03,492 And we're all over the place. 689 00:29:03,576 --> 00:29:05,244 In order for this movie to be the best thing 690 00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:08,080 that we know that it can be, we got to get back on pace. 691 00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:09,957 Okay? We're paying him a visit. 692 00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:14,587 [Kevin] Well, at least my car is still here. 693 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:15,963 Yeah, but it's the only one. 694 00:29:16,046 --> 00:29:17,423 This place is dead. 695 00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:19,758 Yes, because it's the weekend. That's why. 696 00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:21,594 Kevin, it's Tuesday. 697 00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:22,887 [Kevin] Oh. 698 00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:28,434 Wait, what the fuck? 699 00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,312 Kevin, it doesn't look like anyone's 700 00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:33,105 been here for weeks. 701 00:29:33,189 --> 00:29:34,523 No, that's not true. 702 00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:36,650 I was just here. I was just here. 703 00:29:36,734 --> 00:29:38,777 Stromberg was right there. Okay? 704 00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:40,738 That was the last week, or it may have been a week before. 705 00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:42,114 I don't know what week it was, because I 706 00:29:42,198 --> 00:29:43,991 got knocked the fuck out. But I was here. 707 00:29:44,074 --> 00:29:46,327 He was sitting at a desk, right here. 708 00:29:46,410 --> 00:29:48,370 This is where he was. He was-- 709 00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:52,458 Hmm? 710 00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,671 You will shit your pants! 711 00:29:57,755 --> 00:29:59,381 I'm not crazy. 712 00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:01,091 I knew he was here. 713 00:30:01,175 --> 00:30:02,801 Would I have this if he wasn't here? 714 00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,553 It's the butt to his cigar. 715 00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,013 You know what he was doing? 716 00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:08,557 He was doing real weird stuff with the cigar, 717 00:30:08,641 --> 00:30:11,936 licking it, putting it in his nose, slobbering all on it. 718 00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:13,812 I was watching him while he was doing it. 719 00:30:13,896 --> 00:30:15,022 Closing his eyes. 720 00:30:15,105 --> 00:30:16,815 [sniffs] All of a sudden-- 721 00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,153 [Jordan] Why did you have to drag me 722 00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:24,031 into your stupid fantasy death wish movie? 723 00:30:24,114 --> 00:30:25,574 What are you talking about? 724 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:27,451 All I said was think somebody like Jordan King. 725 00:30:27,535 --> 00:30:29,286 Keyword, "think." It was a suggestion. 726 00:30:29,370 --> 00:30:30,996 Oh, great. Thanks for the suggestion. 727 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,581 He probably wanted you because you're one 728 00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:34,208 of the biggest stars in Sweden. What if that's the case? 729 00:30:34,291 --> 00:30:35,960 I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg 730 00:30:36,043 --> 00:30:37,419 is the biggest star in Sweden. 731 00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:38,796 The environmental activist? 732 00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:40,422 Yeah, they have their priorities straight. 733 00:30:41,715 --> 00:30:43,008 Hey, whoa. 734 00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:46,220 Wait a minute. Come here. What's this? 735 00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:48,222 Look. 736 00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:49,306 [Jordan sighs] 737 00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:50,558 Look, will you just look? 738 00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:53,060 [tense music] 739 00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,985 The hell is this? 740 00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,031 Whoa. It's the VHS. 741 00:31:06,115 --> 00:31:07,908 I haven't seen one of these in years. 742 00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:17,293 Hey, it's Brian Penn from Buchwald Associates reading fo-- 743 00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:19,670 Um, I'm sorry, is it Stromberg or-- 744 00:31:19,753 --> 00:31:21,797 - That's Karl Stromberg! [Man on TV] It's Stromberg. 745 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,757 It's him! I mean, he-- 746 00:31:23,841 --> 00:31:25,259 It's different hair, but it's him! 747 00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:29,805 Bring me this man, this... Kevin Hart. 748 00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,807 I-- I'm actually going to go thicker. 749 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,101 Kevin, it's an audition tape. 750 00:31:34,184 --> 00:31:37,021 Yeah, well, obviously. I can see that. 751 00:31:37,104 --> 00:31:38,647 I see that it's an audition tape. 752 00:31:38,731 --> 00:31:40,566 The question is, why? Why is it an audition tape? 753 00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:43,527 Oh, my god. Wait a minute, is Karl Stromberg even real? 754 00:31:43,611 --> 00:31:45,362 [Jordan] What, you didn't google him before the meeting? 755 00:31:45,446 --> 00:31:47,031 [Kevin] He's from Sweden. 756 00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:48,824 You want me to go all the way to Sweden and google? 757 00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:50,909 That's ridiculous. Stop. 758 00:31:50,993 --> 00:31:52,244 [Jordan] Are you on drugs? 759 00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:53,829 [phone ringing] 760 00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,293 Quick, answer it! 761 00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,511 Hello? 762 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:11,722 [Man on phone] Hello, Mr. Action Star. 763 00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,682 Congratulations. You escaped. 764 00:32:13,766 --> 00:32:16,185 Uh, do you know you shot me with a real bullet? 765 00:32:16,268 --> 00:32:17,561 [Man on phone] Of course I know. 766 00:32:17,645 --> 00:32:19,271 That bullet was meant to kill you. 767 00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:20,731 Oh, that's stupid. 768 00:32:20,814 --> 00:32:22,399 You kill me, and then you don't have a movie. 769 00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,276 [Man on phone] You moron. There is no movie. 770 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,653 There never was. 771 00:32:25,736 --> 00:32:26,987 What do you mean there's no movie? 772 00:32:27,071 --> 00:32:28,405 You'd better stop talking like that. 773 00:32:28,489 --> 00:32:30,115 That's blasphemy, and you know it. 774 00:32:30,199 --> 00:32:32,242 There is a movie. Okay, who is this? 775 00:32:32,326 --> 00:32:33,786 Are you the producer? 776 00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:35,621 [Man on phone] You have forgotten who you are, 777 00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,581 where you came from. 778 00:32:37,665 --> 00:32:39,583 I didn't-- didn't anybody forget where they came from. 779 00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:41,293 [Man on phone] Then what was the name 780 00:32:41,377 --> 00:32:43,504 of your first elementary school teacher? 781 00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,051 Ms. Foxen. 782 00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:51,553 No, Ms. Clarkson-- Clarkson-- Clarkson. 783 00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:53,305 Yeah, Ms. Clarkson. 784 00:32:53,389 --> 00:32:54,890 [Man on phone] And the hospital where you were born? 785 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,308 What does that have to do with anything? 786 00:32:56,392 --> 00:32:57,768 [Man on phone] The name. 787 00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:01,730 [whispering] Go on. 788 00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:05,526 Uh, Saint Falkenstein. 789 00:33:05,609 --> 00:33:08,070 - That sounds wrong. - Saint Falkenstein Hospital. 790 00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:10,114 What-- Hey! Enough of this shit! 791 00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:11,949 Cut the shit! Who are you? 792 00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:13,492 Who the fuck are you? 793 00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:15,160 [Man on phone] I'm the person who's brought 794 00:33:15,244 --> 00:33:16,537 an end to your life. 795 00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:18,122 You are no longer cared for. 796 00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,249 - You're worth nothing. - Uh, excuse me. 797 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,543 Can I ask why I've been dragged into this? 798 00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:24,420 [line disconnects] 799 00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:27,005 Great, Kevin! You took all the phone time with him! 800 00:33:27,089 --> 00:33:28,549 [Kevin] Oh, I'm sorry. 801 00:33:28,632 --> 00:33:30,134 Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to figure out 802 00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:32,261 what was going on with my life, trying to hear 803 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,138 a serial killer voice out. 804 00:33:34,221 --> 00:33:35,806 I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you! 805 00:33:35,889 --> 00:33:38,058 - Shh! Shh! - Goddamn it, Jordan! 806 00:33:38,142 --> 00:33:39,810 Shh! Do you hear that? 807 00:33:39,893 --> 00:33:41,353 [quiet beeping] 808 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,190 It's the VCR. 809 00:33:45,274 --> 00:33:46,900 What the fuck? 810 00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:50,487 [gasps] Oh, fuck, it's a bomb. 811 00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:52,573 - What? - It's a fucking bomb. 812 00:33:52,656 --> 00:33:53,949 Well, disarm it! 813 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,367 You fucking disarm it! 814 00:33:55,451 --> 00:33:56,952 Oh, yeah, 'cause I know how to disarm a bomb. 815 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,037 Oh, I do 'cause I'm Black? That's what you think? 816 00:33:59,121 --> 00:34:00,539 Every Black man know how to disarm a bomb? 817 00:34:00,622 --> 00:34:01,874 That is not a thing, Kevin. 818 00:34:01,957 --> 00:34:03,250 [Kevin] Oh, I bet it's not a thing. 819 00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:05,127 Get your racist ass back. Move, move! 820 00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,921 Quick, quick, quick. Come on. 821 00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:11,300 Oh, my God. Open it, open it. 822 00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:13,177 [grunts] Pull, pull! 823 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,056 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 824 00:34:22,311 --> 00:34:24,396 Back. Get back, get back, get back! 825 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:25,689 Shit. 826 00:34:25,773 --> 00:34:27,775 [clanging] 827 00:34:27,858 --> 00:34:29,067 [clanging stops] 828 00:34:32,029 --> 00:34:33,906 Okay. 829 00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:35,824 Well, I guess it is just a movie. 830 00:34:35,908 --> 00:34:37,493 Yeah, and that was a fake bomb-- 831 00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:38,702 [explosion] 832 00:34:38,786 --> 00:34:40,120 Whoa! 833 00:34:40,204 --> 00:34:41,997 [alarm blaring] 834 00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:48,712 [both coughing] 835 00:34:48,796 --> 00:34:50,130 [Andre] Where's my keys? 836 00:34:50,214 --> 00:34:51,548 - Oh, my god! - Oh, you're okay. 837 00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:53,008 You're okay. What was that sound? 838 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,802 Andre? What the hell are you doing here? 839 00:34:54,885 --> 00:34:56,261 - Come on, go. - What are you talking about? 840 00:34:56,345 --> 00:34:57,513 - We gotta go. - I'll get the door for you. 841 00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,014 Go now! 842 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,974 Kevin, that was a real fucking bomb. 843 00:35:01,058 --> 00:35:02,684 A real fucking bomb! 844 00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:04,436 Okay, Jordan, well, can you put yourself in my shoes? 845 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:05,938 I will not, no. No. 846 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:07,356 I do not have to do that. Do you know what? 847 00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:09,942 Just shut up. Shut the fuck up. 848 00:35:10,025 --> 00:35:12,653 Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre. I don't know if you remember me. 849 00:35:12,736 --> 00:35:13,946 Hey, man, put your hand on the wheel. 850 00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:15,280 [Andre] You got it. 851 00:35:15,364 --> 00:35:17,032 I'm actually... I'm Kevin's protege. 852 00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:21,036 Sorry, I'm Kevin's assistant... Former assistant. Fuck me. 853 00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:24,164 Of course I remember you, Andre. So what? 854 00:35:24,248 --> 00:35:25,999 Kevin kicked you out in the middle of the street, did he? 855 00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:28,544 No, pish-posh. No, of course not. 856 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:32,005 Technically, it was the sidewalk and I love Skid Row. 857 00:35:32,089 --> 00:35:33,549 Everybody's got a story to tell. 858 00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:35,467 So many teachable moments. 859 00:35:35,551 --> 00:35:37,094 Wait, you-- you didn't go home? 860 00:35:37,177 --> 00:35:38,804 You just waited here this whole time? 861 00:35:38,887 --> 00:35:40,597 Well, yeah. I mean, I always carry a spare key, right? 862 00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:42,766 That's what I do. And I don't mind waiting. 863 00:35:42,850 --> 00:35:46,478 - It was a quick 25, 30 hours. - Thirty hours? 864 00:35:46,562 --> 00:35:49,147 I would wait a lifetime to make sure Kevin is okay. 865 00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,608 Stop it. Stop it. I didn't ask you to do that. 866 00:35:51,692 --> 00:35:54,027 - Don't act like I did. - I know, I know. 867 00:35:54,111 --> 00:35:55,612 And I know you fired me. 868 00:35:55,696 --> 00:35:57,406 Oh, right, you fired him 869 00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,075 because he tried to warn you about the Swedish mobster that 870 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:02,327 was actually a shitty actor who was working 871 00:36:02,411 --> 00:36:03,912 for someone trying to murder us. 872 00:36:03,996 --> 00:36:05,163 Okay, I don't understand what's happening. 873 00:36:05,247 --> 00:36:06,707 I really don't. And Jordan, 874 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:07,958 I'm just gonna throw this out there right now. 875 00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:09,585 I feel like you're still mad at me. 876 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,170 I will never not be mad at you for the rest of my life. 877 00:36:12,254 --> 00:36:14,756 I am so sorry to interrupt, but where am I going? 878 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,300 Because I've just been driving. 879 00:36:16,383 --> 00:36:17,593 Hey, hey, we're going to my house. 880 00:36:17,676 --> 00:36:18,927 - You got it. - Okay, go to my house. 881 00:36:19,011 --> 00:36:20,345 No, I'm not going to your house. 882 00:36:20,429 --> 00:36:21,722 - I'm going to my house. - Your house it is. 883 00:36:21,805 --> 00:36:23,140 No, you're not going to your house, 884 00:36:23,223 --> 00:36:24,433 because I need to know that you're safe. 885 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,560 Oh, right, yeah, just like Andre wanted 886 00:36:26,643 --> 00:36:28,228 to make sure you were safe. 887 00:36:28,312 --> 00:36:31,148 [Kevin] You know what? I know what you're doing. 888 00:36:31,231 --> 00:36:32,566 I know exactly what you're doing. 889 00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:34,276 You're trying to do one of those things 890 00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:37,738 where you make me evaluate who I am as a person, right? 891 00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:39,531 That's what you're trying to do. But guess what? 892 00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:41,199 I'm not gonna do that, because who I am as a person 893 00:36:41,283 --> 00:36:43,827 is who I'm okay with, and I'm settled in. 894 00:36:43,911 --> 00:36:45,829 [beeping] 895 00:36:45,913 --> 00:36:48,415 [Andre] It's not working. I'm gonna try one more time. 896 00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:49,750 Are you sure you're punching in the right code? 897 00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,460 Of course, man. It's your birthday, 898 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,420 like I'd ever forget that. It's tattooed on my inner thigh. 899 00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,297 I rub it every morning. 900 00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:56,590 - See what I'm dealing with? - Okay. 901 00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:58,467 All the time, this is what it is. 902 00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,344 - It's not working. [Jordan] Wait, wait, wait. 903 00:37:00,427 --> 00:37:02,137 Maybe the person who's behind all of this 904 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:03,639 changed the gate code. 905 00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:06,224 [Kevin] Wait, and they think I'm dead. 906 00:37:06,308 --> 00:37:07,809 So maybe this is to our advantage, right? 907 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,227 [Andre] Hm. [Jordan] Maybe. 908 00:37:09,311 --> 00:37:11,355 Yeah, no, there's-- Oh, shit, security. 909 00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:12,814 It's security, Jordan. Get in the back. Hide. 910 00:37:12,898 --> 00:37:14,399 Dude, maybe we just exit now. Should I go now? 911 00:37:14,483 --> 00:37:15,692 [Kevin] No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 912 00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,027 [Andre] I should just-- I'm gonna leave. 913 00:37:17,110 --> 00:37:18,612 You have to leave. Stop, stop, stop. 914 00:37:18,695 --> 00:37:20,447 [Andre] Are you sure? He's huge. He doesn't like me. 915 00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:21,990 [Guard] Sir-- - Hey, what's going on? 916 00:37:22,074 --> 00:37:23,575 How are you, my man? Nice to meet you. 917 00:37:23,659 --> 00:37:25,410 Are you aware you're trespassing on private property? 918 00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:28,455 I did not. I-- I was not aware, no. 919 00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,457 Please reverse out and have a nice day. 920 00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:32,584 - You got it, my man. [Kevin] No, do not reverse. 921 00:37:32,668 --> 00:37:33,835 - You can't reverse. - You know what? 922 00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,462 I'm not-- I can't-- 923 00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,673 My boss actually lives inside there. 924 00:37:37,756 --> 00:37:40,050 So if I can just jump in there real quick, it'd be great. 925 00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:41,885 Reverse out now, and no one has to get 926 00:37:41,969 --> 00:37:43,261 pumped full of electricity. 927 00:37:43,345 --> 00:37:45,138 Of course. I'm positive no one needs that. 928 00:37:45,222 --> 00:37:48,475 No, do not reverse. Do not reverse. 929 00:37:48,558 --> 00:37:50,102 - Do not reverse. - I'm not gonna reverse. 930 00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:51,687 Do not fuck with me. 931 00:37:53,397 --> 00:37:55,232 [Kevin] He's bluffing. - You're bluffing. 932 00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:57,275 I assure you, I'm not bluffing. 933 00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,237 He's fucking bluffing. 934 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,614 - Fuck with him. He's bluffing. - Fuck you. You're full of-- 935 00:38:02,698 --> 00:38:04,157 [electricity crackling] 936 00:38:04,241 --> 00:38:05,826 [gibbering] 937 00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:09,037 Compliments of Mr. H. 938 00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:12,040 [Kevin] Well, I didn't tell him to do that. 939 00:38:12,124 --> 00:38:13,417 [Jordan] Andre? [Kevin] Is he okay? 940 00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:14,918 [Jordan] Andre? Andre? 941 00:38:20,841 --> 00:38:23,218 [Jordan] Hey, Andre, m-- maybe one of us should just drive. 942 00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,220 [laughing] No, you don't have to worry about that. I got it. 943 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:27,848 - I got you, my man. - Damn it. 944 00:38:27,931 --> 00:38:29,891 I got a crook in my neck that's a bitch. 945 00:38:29,975 --> 00:38:32,561 I-- I swear, I gotta get to Nina so she can fix this. 946 00:38:32,644 --> 00:38:34,187 - Who's Nina? - Kevin's full-time masseuse. 947 00:38:34,271 --> 00:38:35,564 She's my full-time masseuse. 948 00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:37,566 [laughs] Of course. 949 00:38:37,649 --> 00:38:39,192 Oh, okay, well, I'm glad that my life 950 00:38:39,276 --> 00:38:40,736 getting destroyed amuses you. 951 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,529 Well, didn't you basically ask for all of this? 952 00:38:42,612 --> 00:38:43,905 [mimicking Jordan] No, I didn't basically ask for all of this. 953 00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:46,116 I did not do that. I asked for a movie. 954 00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:47,492 There's a big difference. 955 00:38:47,576 --> 00:38:49,327 A movie has cameras and sound, lights. 956 00:38:49,411 --> 00:38:50,704 That's what that has in it. 957 00:38:50,787 --> 00:38:53,081 This is not the same, not the same. 958 00:38:53,165 --> 00:38:54,666 We need to go to the police. 959 00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:56,668 [Kevin] No, no, we do not need to go to police. 960 00:38:56,752 --> 00:38:59,463 Whoever this guy is, he thinks that we're dead, right? 961 00:38:59,546 --> 00:39:02,466 So we use that to our advantage, okay? 962 00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:04,259 We make him think th-- that we're not here. 963 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,344 We disappear. We just gotta figure out where to go. 964 00:39:06,428 --> 00:39:08,388 Man, this is where Natasha would come in handy, 965 00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:10,015 'cause she would know exactly where we should go. 966 00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:11,683 - And who the hell is Natasha? - She handles-- 967 00:39:11,767 --> 00:39:14,352 She's Kevin's Airbnb consultant. 968 00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:15,979 - This is getting ridiculous. - Oh, my God. 969 00:39:16,063 --> 00:39:17,522 I know exactly where we can go 970 00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:19,149 where no one would ever search for us. 971 00:39:20,567 --> 00:39:22,110 Who's in? 972 00:39:22,194 --> 00:39:24,321 Who's in? 973 00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:26,073 Okay, make yourself at home. 974 00:39:26,156 --> 00:39:27,824 Uh, do you guys want anything to drink? 975 00:39:27,908 --> 00:39:29,159 Kombucha, coffee, tea? 976 00:39:29,242 --> 00:39:31,328 Yes, yes, kombucha would be great. 977 00:39:31,411 --> 00:39:32,579 I don't have it. You called my bluff. 978 00:39:32,662 --> 00:39:34,289 I don't have kombucha. I'm sorry. 979 00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:35,957 - No, water would be brilliant. - Water is gonna be great. 980 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,250 - Thank you, Andre. - Fantastic. 981 00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:38,668 And you? You want some water? 982 00:39:38,752 --> 00:39:40,128 I'm not putting my mouth on a cup of this house. 983 00:39:40,212 --> 00:39:41,546 Nice, nice. 984 00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:44,925 Jesus Christ, you actually live here? 985 00:39:45,008 --> 00:39:46,927 [Andre] Yeah, my little slice of heaven. 986 00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:49,387 - Ugh. [Andre] What was that? 987 00:39:49,471 --> 00:39:51,139 - I said, ugh. - I love it. 988 00:39:51,223 --> 00:39:53,934 - It's actually really charming. [Andre] Thank you. 989 00:39:54,017 --> 00:39:55,352 You know, my mom and I are kind of always 990 00:39:55,435 --> 00:39:56,770 messing with the motif in here. 991 00:39:56,853 --> 00:39:58,563 Went through a huge Southwestern phase. 992 00:39:58,647 --> 00:40:00,315 So much turquoise. 993 00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:01,566 [Andre and Jordan laugh] 994 00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:03,193 So your mom helped you decorate? 995 00:40:03,276 --> 00:40:05,278 Oh, yeah, big-time. She's my roommate. 996 00:40:05,362 --> 00:40:06,863 [Kevin scoffs] 997 00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:08,824 - She's right there. - You gotta be shitting me. 998 00:40:08,907 --> 00:40:10,325 No, no, no, don't be afraid. 999 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:11,910 Don't be afraid. Watch this. 1000 00:40:11,993 --> 00:40:13,120 - You want to meet her? [Kevin] No, I don't have to. 1001 00:40:13,203 --> 00:40:14,704 Here we go. Mom, you're okay? 1002 00:40:14,788 --> 00:40:16,665 - Your mouth was open real wide. [Kevin] Oh, my God. 1003 00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:21,253 - Oh, my. Oh, my. - Don't charge me. 1004 00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:23,421 - Oh, my God. [Andre] Fix your bra. 1005 00:40:23,505 --> 00:40:28,218 It's-- it's Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1006 00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:29,803 It's a family... No, you don't have to-- 1007 00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:31,221 Oh! 1008 00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:33,557 And-- and Jordan King. 1009 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,350 Or should I call you Wheezy? 1010 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,185 [laughs] No, that's just a role 1011 00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:39,187 I'm not paid nearly enough to play. 1012 00:40:39,271 --> 00:40:40,605 Uh, "Jordan" is fine. 1013 00:40:40,689 --> 00:40:42,566 [laughs] Come here. I gotta squeeze ya. 1014 00:40:42,649 --> 00:40:44,401 Come here. Oh! 1015 00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:47,154 You two gotta eat. We're gonna have a feast. 1016 00:40:47,237 --> 00:40:48,572 Andre, go to the freezer. 1017 00:40:48,655 --> 00:40:50,282 We're gonna defrost the Christmas pork chop. 1018 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:52,325 We're doing the Christmas pork chops? 1019 00:40:52,409 --> 00:40:53,743 [Andre] We've been waiting for this for, like, six years. 1020 00:40:53,827 --> 00:40:55,579 I don't think we have that much time. 1021 00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:57,330 You don't have to do that. We don't want to steal your meat. 1022 00:40:57,414 --> 00:40:58,582 - We have plenty of time. - You gotta save that meat. 1023 00:40:58,665 --> 00:41:00,000 You're eating my meat. 1024 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:01,543 [Andre] Tell him, mom. Tell him! 1025 00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:03,003 - No, no, no, no. - You're gonna want my meat. 1026 00:41:03,086 --> 00:41:04,296 No, we don't want your meat. 1027 00:41:04,379 --> 00:41:05,672 People talk about it all the time. 1028 00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:07,257 - Well, we don't-- - Did you hurt yourself? 1029 00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:08,508 [Kevin] This is not-- - Did you know there was-- 1030 00:41:08,592 --> 00:41:10,510 Ah, shit, woman! 1031 00:41:10,594 --> 00:41:12,596 Did you know there was blood there? 1032 00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:14,890 - Yeah-- Ow, ow! - And up here? 1033 00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:17,142 - Stop. - God, you are Kevin Hart. 1034 00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:19,644 You can't walk around with bloody clothes on. 1035 00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:21,938 You're too sophisticated. Take your shirt off. 1036 00:41:22,022 --> 00:41:23,315 - Come on, I'm gonna wash it. - That's alright. 1037 00:41:23,398 --> 00:41:25,025 I'm already doing a bloody load. 1038 00:41:25,108 --> 00:41:26,735 Come on, take it off. Come on. 1039 00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:28,069 [Andre] Take it off, Kevin. What are we doing? 1040 00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:29,696 - Yeah. [Andre] Come on. 1041 00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:30,989 [Jordan] So nice of you. - Somebody's got a cute tummy. 1042 00:41:31,072 --> 00:41:32,616 [Andre laughs] 1043 00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,201 [Kevin] Come on, that's a lie. - Mom, look at him. 1044 00:41:34,284 --> 00:41:35,493 Remember, I was telling you about his belly button? 1045 00:41:35,577 --> 00:41:36,703 It's right there, mom. You got it. 1046 00:41:36,786 --> 00:41:38,205 Take my chance. [blows raspberry] 1047 00:41:38,288 --> 00:41:40,332 Oh, god. Let me just-- Please, let me get it. 1048 00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:42,250 Stop it, please. [Cynthia] Oh my goodness. 1049 00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:44,252 [Kevin] Thank you. You got-- - Oh, that's-- 1050 00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:46,504 - You gotta be kidding me. - Well, that hit my eyes. 1051 00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:48,757 That is-- that is-- 1052 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,634 - That's a man right there. - Yeah, we were filming. 1053 00:41:50,717 --> 00:41:52,260 [Cynthia] That is good. - We're doing an improv action-- 1054 00:41:52,344 --> 00:41:53,929 I can't believe he's in our house. I love you so much. 1055 00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:55,931 [Kevin] ...movie where basically all of the action... 1056 00:41:58,058 --> 00:42:00,310 - Such nice people. - Nice people? 1057 00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,187 - Who? - You're so mean. 1058 00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:04,439 How can you be mean to this guy? Look at him. 1059 00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:08,902 He might be the nicest, sweetest person I've ever encountered. 1060 00:42:08,985 --> 00:42:11,529 How could you fire him? 1061 00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:12,989 You want me to start at the beginning? I don't know. 1062 00:42:13,073 --> 00:42:15,492 Maybe because he doesn't respect boundaries. 1063 00:42:15,575 --> 00:42:18,912 - He cares about you. - Oh, you just stop it. 1064 00:42:18,995 --> 00:42:21,164 The man clipped my goddamn toenails one time... 1065 00:42:22,624 --> 00:42:25,502 while I was in bed... with a woman. 1066 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:30,507 Exactly. Struggling, by the way, to perform. 1067 00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:33,385 Had a lot on my mind, a lot on my mind. 1068 00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:35,220 Brown gummy worm was in full effect. 1069 00:42:35,303 --> 00:42:36,972 - I don't want to know this. - Loose noodle. 1070 00:42:37,055 --> 00:42:38,515 Call it what you want. I looked down. 1071 00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:40,725 I see his face looking up at me. Now I got no shot. 1072 00:42:40,809 --> 00:42:43,353 Okay, thank you for the context. 1073 00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:45,605 Just giving you-- giving you a play-by-play. 1074 00:42:45,689 --> 00:42:50,610 But listen, when I go to set, it's me acting, right? 1075 00:42:50,694 --> 00:42:55,824 But to get there, I've got reps, my dialect coach, my assistant. 1076 00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:57,450 And then there's personal trainer, 1077 00:42:57,534 --> 00:43:00,829 hair stylists, makeup artists. The-- the list goes on. 1078 00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:04,332 And then there's family and friends who have supported me 1079 00:43:04,416 --> 00:43:06,751 and sacrificed for me. 1080 00:43:06,835 --> 00:43:08,336 I'm sorry. I got lost in what you were saying 1081 00:43:08,420 --> 00:43:09,879 'cause I felt it was bullshit. 1082 00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:12,507 You have that, too, Kevin, and then some, okay? 1083 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:13,925 It's why you're a star. 1084 00:43:14,009 --> 00:43:15,468 No, that's not true. 1085 00:43:15,552 --> 00:43:19,222 I'm a star because I made myself a star with this. 1086 00:43:19,306 --> 00:43:22,642 Sure, yeah, that's the story you keep telling yourself, 1087 00:43:22,726 --> 00:43:24,144 but you had help. 1088 00:43:24,227 --> 00:43:26,229 Okay. 1089 00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:27,981 Hey, how are you guys doing? 1090 00:43:28,064 --> 00:43:29,941 [laughs] The pork chops are smelling 1091 00:43:30,025 --> 00:43:32,193 so much like shrimp right now, it's amazing. 1092 00:43:32,277 --> 00:43:33,570 I got you a shirt, my man. 1093 00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:35,864 I think it'll fit perfectly, okay? 1094 00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:37,532 - Do you see it? [Kevin] Nice. 1095 00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:39,159 [Andre] Yeah, I made that myself. 1096 00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,369 Okay, thank you for that. 1097 00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,999 Ah, I wanted to ask you earlier, but I didn't get a chance to. 1098 00:43:46,082 --> 00:43:47,542 Who's-- who's that? 1099 00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:49,002 - This one? - Yeah. 1100 00:43:49,085 --> 00:43:51,546 That's my dad. He's been gone a long time. 1101 00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,466 - Really? - Yeah. 1102 00:43:54,549 --> 00:43:56,217 Same. 1103 00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:57,552 Hey, you know, my mom raised me. 1104 00:43:57,635 --> 00:43:59,471 I know. 1105 00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:02,015 Did your dad, uh, get a little afraid 1106 00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:03,850 of parenthood and run off? 1107 00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:05,226 It wasn't anything like that, actually. 1108 00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:07,312 He was amazing. He was kind. 1109 00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:08,772 Uh, he was gentle. 1110 00:44:08,855 --> 00:44:11,524 By the way, Richard Pryor's assistant. 1111 00:44:11,608 --> 00:44:13,276 Your dad is Rich... 1112 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:14,569 I guess you could say assisting 1113 00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:15,904 just runs in the family, right? 1114 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,697 Wow. That's legendary, man. 1115 00:44:17,781 --> 00:44:19,282 - It is, right? - That's huge. 1116 00:44:19,366 --> 00:44:21,993 It's huge, until it killed him. 1117 00:44:22,077 --> 00:44:23,870 What do you mean? 1118 00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:28,083 It's a big show, and crazy fan got through security. 1119 00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:31,211 So my dad jumped in the way of a knife 1120 00:44:31,294 --> 00:44:32,712 that was meant for Richard Pryor. 1121 00:44:32,796 --> 00:44:34,631 [Kevin] You're playing. [Andre] No. 1122 00:44:34,714 --> 00:44:36,091 - Cut him from the stomach-- - What? 1123 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,509 Right up, back down. 1124 00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:39,010 - What? - Killed my dad on the spot. 1125 00:44:39,094 --> 00:44:41,012 Oh, my God, man. 1126 00:44:41,096 --> 00:44:42,806 I can't. I can't process that. 1127 00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,808 Neither could I. It was enormous for our whole family. 1128 00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:47,519 Why would somebody want to kill Richard Pryor? 1129 00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,730 Huh? 1130 00:44:50,814 --> 00:44:53,316 - Who? [Andre] Well, yeah, why? 1131 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,318 That's crazy, right? 1132 00:44:55,402 --> 00:44:56,945 Yeah. I bet, by the way-- 1133 00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,947 I bet my dad, when he was dying, was looking up 1134 00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:01,282 and was like, Why would you do this, or something like that. 1135 00:45:01,366 --> 00:45:03,368 - Has to be, right? - Maybe, maybe. Maybe not. 1136 00:45:03,451 --> 00:45:04,994 I mean, at that point, that's not what's important. 1137 00:45:05,078 --> 00:45:06,204 Somebody tried to kill Richard. 1138 00:45:06,287 --> 00:45:07,580 Right, my dad was already dead. 1139 00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:08,957 The thing we gotta worry about is... 1140 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,250 - Who is this guy? - God's gonna do-- 1141 00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:11,584 Are there more of 'em? Yeah. 1142 00:45:11,668 --> 00:45:13,294 - Okay? You can't rewrite that. - No. 1143 00:45:13,378 --> 00:45:14,838 No, we can't. I tried to. 1144 00:45:14,921 --> 00:45:16,548 God, I've been to so much therapy 1145 00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:19,050 trying to rewrite that moment. What could I have done? 1146 00:45:19,134 --> 00:45:20,844 I was a child, but maybe I could have jumped in the way, 1147 00:45:20,927 --> 00:45:23,555 or something like that. Yeah. 1148 00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:25,515 On the bright side, though, if you think about it, 1149 00:45:25,598 --> 00:45:29,269 he died doing what he loved the most, assisting. 1150 00:45:29,352 --> 00:45:31,521 He was so happy that he brought joy 1151 00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:35,316 to someone who brought joy to so many people. 1152 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,277 He taught me every single thing I knew. 1153 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,866 You know, man, maybe-- 1154 00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:45,535 Maybe I didn't mean to fire you. 1155 00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:49,456 I think your exact words were, I didn't need a stunt man. 1156 00:45:49,539 --> 00:45:51,833 I sure as hell don't need an assistant. 1157 00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:53,460 You said it to me. You yelled it. 1158 00:45:53,543 --> 00:45:56,713 And then you told me to get out of your car, right? 1159 00:45:56,796 --> 00:45:58,882 Oh, no, you're absolutely-- You're-- you're right. 1160 00:45:58,965 --> 00:46:01,134 But I'm just saying, now, looking back, 1161 00:46:01,217 --> 00:46:03,720 I'm saying, maybe I do-- 1162 00:46:03,803 --> 00:46:07,807 Maybe I still do need an assistant. 1163 00:46:07,891 --> 00:46:09,767 Oh, God. Alright? 1164 00:46:11,227 --> 00:46:12,896 - I need you, too. - No-- 1165 00:46:12,979 --> 00:46:15,440 - I need you, too. - Not the same. 1166 00:46:15,523 --> 00:46:17,901 - Oh, fuck. - Yeah. 1167 00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:19,903 I have never been this hard. 1168 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:21,362 Alright, I'm gonna tell my mom. 1169 00:46:21,446 --> 00:46:23,531 Mom, you'll never believe it! 1170 00:46:23,615 --> 00:46:25,033 Congratulations. 1171 00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,995 Something else, huh? 1172 00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:32,624 [groans] 1173 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,544 [Jordan] I'm proud of you. - Shut up. 1174 00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,256 You know, if you start treating everyone 1175 00:46:40,340 --> 00:46:42,383 in the Kevin Hart universe with that level of respect, 1176 00:46:42,467 --> 00:46:45,136 I think you'll be happy with your life. 1177 00:46:45,220 --> 00:46:47,013 You really are something else. 1178 00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:48,932 I mean, you paint me out to be such a monster. 1179 00:46:49,015 --> 00:46:52,685 Name one other person that I have disrespected, just one. 1180 00:46:52,769 --> 00:46:54,145 Give me one. 1181 00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:57,857 I can absolutely name someone. 1182 00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:03,363 [Kevin] Hey, Jordan. - Yeah, hi. 1183 00:47:03,446 --> 00:47:04,864 I just looked at the call sheet. 1184 00:47:04,948 --> 00:47:06,241 I didn't see your stunt double on there. 1185 00:47:06,324 --> 00:47:08,660 - Oh, I sent her home. - Why? 1186 00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:10,912 Well, I grew up on motorcycles, and it's a simple one today. 1187 00:47:10,995 --> 00:47:12,455 I just have to drive through the glass 1188 00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:13,873 of a dry-cleaning business before it explodes. 1189 00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:15,833 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1190 00:47:15,917 --> 00:47:19,003 Simple for who? Who? Who's it simple for, you? 1191 00:47:19,087 --> 00:47:20,964 Well, that's what you have Doug for? 1192 00:47:21,047 --> 00:47:22,423 Do you know what this would look like if you go 1193 00:47:22,507 --> 00:47:24,467 do all your own stunts and I don't do mine? 1194 00:47:24,551 --> 00:47:26,386 Do you know what people will think of me? 1195 00:47:26,469 --> 00:47:28,304 Uh, they'll think you're an actor? 1196 00:47:28,388 --> 00:47:29,847 And listen, I'm not jumping off the cliff. 1197 00:47:29,931 --> 00:47:31,307 I'm not jumping out of a plane, 1198 00:47:31,391 --> 00:47:32,725 and I ain't fighting no alligator for anyone. 1199 00:47:32,809 --> 00:47:34,352 You don't think I can do my own stunts. 1200 00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:35,979 You don't think I'm tough enough? 1201 00:47:36,062 --> 00:47:38,690 That's what Doug is for, for exactly this thing. 1202 00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:40,650 You think I need Doug? 1203 00:47:40,733 --> 00:47:42,402 Absolutely. 1204 00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:43,945 Maybe I don't. 1205 00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,613 Maybe I don't need Doug. 1206 00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:48,783 I think he just heard you. 1207 00:47:52,287 --> 00:47:54,455 Hey, Doug. 1208 00:47:54,539 --> 00:47:56,040 I'm gonna go talk to Doug. 1209 00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:58,793 Kevin. 1210 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:02,422 [Kevin] Hey, there he is, my guy. 1211 00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:04,340 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 1212 00:48:04,424 --> 00:48:07,719 [laughs] You ain't gonna believe this shit. 1213 00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:09,304 I'm talking to Jordan. 1214 00:48:09,387 --> 00:48:11,306 I just found out Jordan sent her stunt double home. 1215 00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:12,724 You know what she trying to do. 1216 00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:14,434 You know exactly what she trying to do. 1217 00:48:14,517 --> 00:48:16,352 She trying to show me up, and I'm not gonna have that. 1218 00:48:16,436 --> 00:48:19,063 I can't have that. I'm Kevin Hart, right? 1219 00:48:19,147 --> 00:48:21,232 [laughs] 1220 00:48:21,316 --> 00:48:23,234 So, here's the thing, right? 1221 00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:25,069 Let's get into this relationship 1222 00:48:25,153 --> 00:48:26,571 'cause it's one of the best that I've ever had. 1223 00:48:26,654 --> 00:48:28,239 How long you been with me, man? 1224 00:48:28,323 --> 00:48:29,657 Damn, that long, huh? 1225 00:48:29,741 --> 00:48:31,534 It's been a long time. 1226 00:48:31,618 --> 00:48:32,910 I know you gonna be fine, 1227 00:48:32,994 --> 00:48:34,454 and it's time for you to fly, right? 1228 00:48:34,537 --> 00:48:38,041 So with that being said, uh, we're done. 1229 00:48:38,124 --> 00:48:40,043 I-- I'm gonna go ahead and-- 1230 00:48:40,126 --> 00:48:43,129 Is "fired" the word, I guess? I guess it is "fired." 1231 00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:45,048 So I'mma fire you, but in a, 1232 00:48:45,131 --> 00:48:48,092 but in a dope way to where we still cool. 1233 00:48:48,176 --> 00:48:49,927 I-- I'm gonna go on and get ready. 1234 00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:53,181 My guy! 1235 00:48:53,264 --> 00:48:55,558 - It's stunt time. - Kevin, this is a terrible-- 1236 00:48:55,642 --> 00:48:57,477 [Kevin] It's stunt time! 1237 00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,354 [Jordan] Listen, I'm not trying to show you up. 1238 00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:01,522 [Kevin] Hey! Enough, Jordan. 1239 00:49:01,606 --> 00:49:04,901 It's all good, Mr. Action Star. 1240 00:49:08,571 --> 00:49:09,781 [glass breaks] 1241 00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:11,741 Now, you listen to me, alright? 1242 00:49:11,824 --> 00:49:13,701 I've been in this business for goddamn-- 1243 00:49:13,785 --> 00:49:15,578 goddamn, how long? 1244 00:49:15,662 --> 00:49:17,246 How long? 1245 00:49:17,330 --> 00:49:19,374 You telling me that my goddamn reputation 1246 00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:21,501 doesn't speak for myself? 1247 00:49:21,584 --> 00:49:23,086 It fucking should! 1248 00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,131 When-- when does Cap Four shoot? 1249 00:49:27,215 --> 00:49:29,300 Does Mackie have a guy? 1250 00:49:29,384 --> 00:49:30,885 He does. He gets it. 1251 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,553 Everybody's got a fucking guy, huh? 1252 00:49:32,637 --> 00:49:36,099 What about Adam Driver? Now, you said he's billed. Huh? 1253 00:49:36,182 --> 00:49:38,017 Listen, I can do work for him. 1254 00:49:38,101 --> 00:49:41,104 I-- I can be Adam's driver, right? 1255 00:49:41,187 --> 00:49:43,147 Yeah, no, listen, I'm serious about that. 1256 00:49:43,231 --> 00:49:45,900 I don't give a fuck. I'll drive. 1257 00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:49,612 I-- I'll be Adam's driver driver driver if I have to. 1258 00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:52,532 God damn it Scott!-- Fuck you! 1259 00:49:52,615 --> 00:49:55,368 [crying] I've been in the goddamn business for years. 1260 00:49:55,451 --> 00:49:57,203 [sniffles] 1261 00:49:57,286 --> 00:49:59,747 [sobbing] 1262 00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:02,917 [ominous music] 1263 00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,447 [Kevin on TV] You know what? 1264 00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,449 This is my me time. I really enjoy working. 1265 00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:37,368 I find a lot of peace, happiness, 1266 00:50:37,452 --> 00:50:40,204 and, uh, solace in creating. 1267 00:50:40,288 --> 00:50:43,499 And now my creating is about putting other people 1268 00:50:43,583 --> 00:50:46,878 in positions to win, um, amplifying other careers 1269 00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,379 and opportunities, not just me. 1270 00:50:48,463 --> 00:50:50,798 So, hopefully, it continues to grow. 1271 00:50:50,882 --> 00:50:52,133 [Kevin] I can't believe that my stuntman 1272 00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:53,801 would do this to me. 1273 00:50:53,885 --> 00:50:55,303 Ex-stuntman. 1274 00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:58,181 No, I gotta do something about this-- Oh. 1275 00:50:58,264 --> 00:50:59,515 Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin. 1276 00:50:59,599 --> 00:51:01,934 Uh-oh. Oh, no. Let mom look at this. 1277 00:51:02,018 --> 00:51:03,311 Hold on. Oh. 1278 00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:04,812 Oh, we gotta change this dressing. 1279 00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:06,105 Take him to the bedroom. 1280 00:51:06,189 --> 00:51:07,523 - Prop him up. - Here we go. 1281 00:51:07,607 --> 00:51:08,941 - Get some wet towels. - Here we go. 1282 00:51:09,025 --> 00:51:10,401 Shouldn't he go to a hospital? 1283 00:51:10,485 --> 00:51:12,278 No. I'll get him back on track. 1284 00:51:12,361 --> 00:51:14,197 It's what I do. 1285 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:15,782 Wait, you're a doctor? 1286 00:51:15,865 --> 00:51:17,617 [Cynthia] I'm better than a doctor. 1287 00:51:17,700 --> 00:51:19,744 I'm a mom. 1288 00:51:19,827 --> 00:51:21,329 Left, right, left, right. 1289 00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:23,498 [groans] 1290 00:51:23,581 --> 00:51:24,832 He's gonna be fine. 1291 00:51:24,916 --> 00:51:27,084 My mom is a miracle-worker. 1292 00:51:27,168 --> 00:51:28,836 How about you? Are you okay? 1293 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,839 Uh... Well, not really. This is my problem, too. 1294 00:51:31,923 --> 00:51:34,634 Doug probably blames me for losing his job. 1295 00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:37,094 That's why he's put me in this deadly little game of his, 1296 00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:38,471 just for payback. 1297 00:51:38,554 --> 00:51:40,306 Yeah. Okay, that's fine, then. 1298 00:51:40,389 --> 00:51:41,933 When Kevin gets back to full health, 1299 00:51:42,016 --> 00:51:43,893 he will think of an incredible plan for all of us. 1300 00:51:43,976 --> 00:51:45,728 No, no, fuck that. We can't just sit here. 1301 00:51:45,812 --> 00:51:48,481 We need to do something. We need to get to the bottom of this. 1302 00:51:48,564 --> 00:51:50,274 Who is the person Kevin trusts the most? 1303 00:51:50,358 --> 00:51:51,943 - His agent. - Really? 1304 00:51:52,026 --> 00:51:53,861 Yeah. 1305 00:51:53,945 --> 00:51:55,530 Let's pay them a visit. 1306 00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,365 Right now? We can't go right now. 1307 00:51:57,448 --> 00:51:59,867 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jordan, we can't go right now. 1308 00:51:59,951 --> 00:52:01,285 [Andre] But what about this? What about this? 1309 00:52:01,369 --> 00:52:02,829 You're famous, Jordan. You get in there, 1310 00:52:02,912 --> 00:52:04,664 they're gonna recognize you. That's a problem. 1311 00:52:04,747 --> 00:52:07,792 Second is, Doug actually thinks that you're dead, right? 1312 00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:10,044 - You blew up. - Shit, you're right. 1313 00:52:11,754 --> 00:52:13,464 Oh, my God, I just thought of something amazing. 1314 00:52:13,548 --> 00:52:15,716 Thank me. Thank me now. 1315 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,051 Let me hear it first? 1316 00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,469 Smart. That's a smart move, okay? 1317 00:52:18,553 --> 00:52:20,137 In the back, there's a disguise. 1318 00:52:20,221 --> 00:52:21,597 I always keep a spare disguise for Kevin in the back. 1319 00:52:21,681 --> 00:52:23,057 Grab that bag real quick. 1320 00:52:23,140 --> 00:52:25,810 - You have spare disguises? - Yes. 1321 00:52:25,893 --> 00:52:28,813 I mean, sometimes Kevin likes to live anonymously, right? 1322 00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:31,983 Whether he wants to go grocery shopping, feed the ducks, 1323 00:52:32,066 --> 00:52:33,568 heckle a stranger. 1324 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,073 [scoffs] Yeah, I'm not wearing this. 1325 00:52:39,156 --> 00:52:41,325 [Andre] Come on. Did you see all of them real quick? 1326 00:52:41,409 --> 00:52:43,119 Like this one right here, okay? This one right here-- 1327 00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:44,912 - Andre, the road! - I'm doing it. 1328 00:52:44,996 --> 00:52:46,581 It's a hard left with my knees, baby. 1329 00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:48,291 Look at this. 1330 00:52:48,374 --> 00:52:50,751 [funky music] 1331 00:52:54,714 --> 00:52:57,341 This is so embarrassing. 1332 00:52:57,425 --> 00:52:59,343 We're lucky that you and Kevin are the same size, 1333 00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:01,012 you know what I mean? 1334 00:53:01,095 --> 00:53:03,222 Think about this as your greatest acting role to date. 1335 00:53:03,306 --> 00:53:05,224 You got this. You got this! 1336 00:53:08,102 --> 00:53:09,520 That's fantastic. Okay, and-- 1337 00:53:09,604 --> 00:53:11,397 [taps] 1338 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,526 Uh, we're here to see, ahem, Scott Hayman. 1339 00:53:15,610 --> 00:53:16,861 Okay. 1340 00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,990 And you are? 1341 00:53:21,073 --> 00:53:23,868 Ronald Mondolvia III! 1342 00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:25,786 A pleasure to meet you. 1343 00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:28,080 And this is the wickedly talented-- 1344 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,751 Bill. [clears throat] My name is Bill. 1345 00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:36,714 Bill Mondolvia. We're both Mondolvians. 1346 00:53:36,797 --> 00:53:40,426 This is my uncle on my mama's side. 1347 00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:43,137 Shit-fuck, can this man cook a goose. 1348 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,559 What was all that before? 1349 00:53:48,643 --> 00:53:50,269 Mondolvia... That's nobody's surname. 1350 00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:51,854 What do you expect, okay? 1351 00:53:51,938 --> 00:53:54,649 I couldn't concentrate. Your accent was fucking insane. 1352 00:53:54,732 --> 00:53:57,568 - My accent? - Yes. "Blah, blah, blah." 1353 00:53:57,652 --> 00:53:59,779 Okay, it wasn't great, but I mean-- 1354 00:53:59,862 --> 00:54:01,405 - My accent? I nailed my accent. - It doesn't matter. 1355 00:54:01,489 --> 00:54:03,115 It doesn't matter, because there's no way 1356 00:54:03,199 --> 00:54:05,576 they're letting us go back to see Kevin's agent, okay? 1357 00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:07,078 They've probably already called security. 1358 00:54:07,161 --> 00:54:08,788 So if security comes, 1359 00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:11,082 we just pretend to be Ronald and Bill Mondolvia, 1360 00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:13,084 the very famous Instagram influencers 1361 00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:14,835 who make unboxing videos. 1362 00:54:14,919 --> 00:54:16,295 What is this? 1363 00:54:16,379 --> 00:54:17,797 We unbox it, and it's a smaller box, okay? 1364 00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:20,216 No, no, no. She's going to the loo. 1365 00:54:20,299 --> 00:54:22,009 I don't think that Bill would call it the loo. 1366 00:54:22,093 --> 00:54:23,511 I feel like he's more old-school. 1367 00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:25,388 I feel like she's about to take a shit. 1368 00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:29,016 [whispering] Play it cool. 1369 00:54:30,685 --> 00:54:32,478 Like and subscribe, please! 1370 00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:37,108 [whispering] Stop, stop, stop. Right there, right there. 1371 00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:39,068 Right there, that's Kevin's agent. 1372 00:54:39,151 --> 00:54:40,778 Who is he talking to? 1373 00:54:40,861 --> 00:54:42,738 [laughing] 1374 00:54:42,822 --> 00:54:44,907 How are you doing, man? 1375 00:54:44,991 --> 00:54:46,867 It's not Kevin. 1376 00:54:46,951 --> 00:54:49,829 [moaning] 1377 00:54:49,912 --> 00:54:51,539 [Cynthia shushes] 1378 00:54:51,622 --> 00:54:52,623 [water sloshing] 1379 00:54:52,707 --> 00:54:54,959 Try not to move. 1380 00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:57,086 Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength. 1381 00:54:57,169 --> 00:54:58,671 [Kevin moans] 1382 00:54:58,754 --> 00:55:04,510 As long as it takes, you'll be here in my house, 1383 00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:09,974 listening to my stories, eating my Christmas pork chops. 1384 00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,059 [Kevin moans] 1385 00:55:12,143 --> 00:55:13,936 [Cynthia shushes] 1386 00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:20,985 When my husband was wounded years ago, I couldn't save him, 1387 00:55:21,068 --> 00:55:24,113 but now I've got a second chance with you, 1388 00:55:24,196 --> 00:55:27,283 Kevin Hart, America's treasure. 1389 00:55:29,577 --> 00:55:31,203 Cynthia's treasure. 1390 00:55:31,287 --> 00:55:33,706 [ominous music] 1391 00:55:33,789 --> 00:55:35,332 [phone ringing] 1392 00:55:35,416 --> 00:55:36,459 [Cynthia on phone] Hello? 1393 00:55:36,542 --> 00:55:38,002 Mom, mom, put Kevin on. 1394 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:39,670 [Cynthia on phone] I can't. He's sleeping. 1395 00:55:39,754 --> 00:55:41,297 [Andre] It's an emergency. Put him on right now, mom. 1396 00:55:41,380 --> 00:55:43,382 Come on, wake him up. 1397 00:55:43,466 --> 00:55:45,092 [Kevin on phone] Hello? 1398 00:55:45,176 --> 00:55:47,386 Are you here to rescue me? I think I've been poisoned. 1399 00:55:47,470 --> 00:55:49,221 Kevin, listen up very closely, okay? 1400 00:55:49,305 --> 00:55:50,765 We've just been on a deep-cover 1401 00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,433 reconnaissance mission, and we fucking nailed it. 1402 00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:54,393 [Jordan] Doug is you. You've been replaced by Doug. 1403 00:55:54,477 --> 00:55:56,771 [Kevin on phone] Wait, what? Replaced? I don't understand. 1404 00:55:56,854 --> 00:55:58,355 That's because my mommy just gave you 1405 00:55:58,439 --> 00:56:00,691 a very low-dose narcotic. Don't worry about it. 1406 00:56:00,775 --> 00:56:02,985 But when you come to, you have to understand 1407 00:56:03,069 --> 00:56:05,529 that Doug is trying to convince people that he's you. 1408 00:56:05,613 --> 00:56:07,364 He's fixed his teeth. He's changed his hair. 1409 00:56:07,448 --> 00:56:11,619 I mean, his mannerisms... Oh, my God, he's-- he's you. 1410 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:13,913 [Kevin on phone] Yeah, well, he can't fool my staff. 1411 00:56:13,996 --> 00:56:15,498 They'll know it's not me. 1412 00:56:15,581 --> 00:56:17,166 They're my village. 1413 00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,918 [people chanting "Kevin"] 1414 00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:20,711 You get a raise. You get a raise. 1415 00:56:20,795 --> 00:56:22,421 You get a raise. You get a raise. 1416 00:56:22,505 --> 00:56:23,798 You get a raise. 1417 00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:26,383 That's right, everybody gets a raise, huh? 1418 00:56:26,467 --> 00:56:28,552 You know why? 'Cause I'm Kevin. 1419 00:56:28,636 --> 00:56:30,596 I'm Kevin! 1420 00:56:30,679 --> 00:56:32,515 Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very tired. 1421 00:56:32,598 --> 00:56:34,100 - He needs his rest. [Jordan] No, no, no, no. 1422 00:56:34,183 --> 00:56:35,434 [Andre on phone] Mom, no-- [Cynthia] Bye. 1423 00:56:35,518 --> 00:56:36,769 [Kevin moans] 1424 00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:38,604 [Cynthia shushes] 1425 00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,734 If Kevin wants to get through to Doug, 1426 00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:48,280 there's only one man he can talk to, Mr. 206. 1427 00:56:48,364 --> 00:56:50,157 I don't-- Who's-- who's Mr. 206? 1428 00:56:50,241 --> 00:56:51,742 [Jordan] He's a pretty famous stuntman, 1429 00:56:51,826 --> 00:56:53,410 and he's Doug's mentor. 1430 00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:55,746 Okay. Okay, fine, then this is easy. 1431 00:56:55,830 --> 00:56:57,832 We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206. 1432 00:56:57,915 --> 00:56:59,667 [Jordan] We? Nope, no way. 1433 00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:02,628 I will not be going to see 206. 1434 00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:04,588 He is a complete psychopath. 1435 00:57:04,672 --> 00:57:06,173 He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal 1436 00:57:06,257 --> 00:57:07,842 and then tried to make me apologize. 1437 00:57:07,925 --> 00:57:09,552 Jordan, Jordan, Kevin needs you right now. 1438 00:57:09,635 --> 00:57:11,137 [Jordan] He needs me? - He does, right now. 1439 00:57:11,220 --> 00:57:12,930 [Jordan] Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need anyone, 1440 00:57:13,013 --> 00:57:15,266 until he needs everyone. 1441 00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:18,894 Okay, fine, then I'll take him to see Mr. 206. 1442 00:57:18,978 --> 00:57:20,354 Why? This is Kevin's problem. 1443 00:57:20,437 --> 00:57:21,897 You should just let him go on his own. 1444 00:57:21,981 --> 00:57:24,900 No. As long as I'm Kevin's assistant... 1445 00:57:24,984 --> 00:57:26,235 [revs engine] 1446 00:57:26,318 --> 00:57:28,112 he'll never drive himself anywhere. 1447 00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:32,491 - It's in neutral. - I am so sorry. 1448 00:57:32,575 --> 00:57:34,785 We're slowing down. I was trying to go faster. 1449 00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:36,328 We did the opposite. 1450 00:57:36,412 --> 00:57:38,831 [birds chirping] 1451 00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:52,344 I am so happy my mom was able to nurse you back to health. 1452 00:57:52,428 --> 00:57:53,888 What did you just say to me? 1453 00:57:53,971 --> 00:57:56,348 The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop. 1454 00:57:56,432 --> 00:57:59,059 - She tried to poison me. - She's amazing, right? 1455 00:57:59,143 --> 00:58:01,854 Look at you now. Okay, come on, come on. 1456 00:58:01,937 --> 00:58:03,856 So tell me, why do they call him 206? 1457 00:58:03,939 --> 00:58:06,150 'Cause there's 206 bones in the human body. 1458 00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:08,068 They say, before he became a mentor in the stunt game, 1459 00:58:08,152 --> 00:58:09,445 that he broke every single one of 'em. 1460 00:58:09,528 --> 00:58:11,030 Actually, no, it was 205. 1461 00:58:11,113 --> 00:58:12,239 But then, on his last day of filming, 1462 00:58:12,323 --> 00:58:13,908 they say he broke the 206th one. 1463 00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:15,367 What? Which one was that? 1464 00:58:15,451 --> 00:58:17,036 Pinky toe, right foot, snapped. 1465 00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:18,370 Goddamn. 1466 00:58:18,454 --> 00:58:19,955 [knocking] 1467 00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:21,874 [creaking] 1468 00:58:21,957 --> 00:58:24,418 [Kevin] Uh, hello? 1469 00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,339 Uh, 206? 1470 00:58:28,422 --> 00:58:30,925 Hey, M-- Mr. Two Hundred And Six? 1471 00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:33,344 - It's 2-0-6. - Right. 1472 00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:36,430 [Mr. 206] Sign says no soliciting. Go away. 1473 00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:38,849 Yeah, no, we-- we didn't see a sign. There's no sign. 1474 00:58:38,933 --> 00:58:40,267 [Mr. 206] Who took my fucking sign? 1475 00:58:40,351 --> 00:58:41,644 We didn't take it. 1476 00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:43,520 Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit. 1477 00:58:43,604 --> 00:58:46,190 We-- we're not selling anything. 1478 00:58:46,273 --> 00:58:48,150 You don't even recognize my voice. [laughs] 1479 00:58:48,234 --> 00:58:49,860 You know who's at the door right now? 1480 00:58:49,944 --> 00:58:53,072 This is Kevin Hart, comedian, actor. 1481 00:58:53,155 --> 00:58:57,993 I just told you... to go-- 1482 00:58:58,077 --> 00:58:59,161 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 1483 00:58:59,245 --> 00:59:01,038 The fuck away! 1484 00:59:01,121 --> 00:59:03,374 Hey! Shit! 1485 00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,793 Come on, baby, it's me. 1486 00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:07,503 - It's me. - It's Kevin Hart. 1487 00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:11,507 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't 1488 00:59:11,590 --> 00:59:13,342 kill the both of you right now. 1489 00:59:13,425 --> 00:59:14,969 Kevin's about to have a movie that's gonna get him an Oscar. 1490 00:59:15,052 --> 00:59:17,888 [Kevin] Well, okay. Wait, wait, wait. Your protege. 1491 00:59:17,972 --> 00:59:19,765 We're here because of your protege, Doug Eubanks. 1492 00:59:19,848 --> 00:59:21,392 What about him? 1493 00:59:21,475 --> 00:59:24,395 Well, we-- we're here 'cause he's losing his shit. 1494 00:59:24,478 --> 00:59:26,105 Yeah, no, he's absolute-- 1495 00:59:26,188 --> 00:59:28,732 That's not true, 'cause you don't deserve a lie. 1496 00:59:28,816 --> 00:59:30,109 I'm not here to lie to you. 1497 00:59:30,192 --> 00:59:31,694 I'm gonna be honest with you, man. 1498 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,822 I screwed him over. 1499 00:59:34,905 --> 00:59:36,407 I screwed him over, and I'm here because 1500 00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:37,741 I want to make things right, and I can't do that 1501 00:59:37,825 --> 00:59:40,035 without you, Mr. 206. 1502 00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,336 Well, how do you like your tea? 1503 00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:51,213 Huh? 1504 00:59:51,297 --> 00:59:53,716 [mystical music] 1505 01:00:05,436 --> 01:00:06,979 Do I make you uncomfortable? 1506 01:00:07,062 --> 01:00:08,981 No. I-- I'm just so nervous for you, sir, 1507 01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:11,233 because you got really hot tea, and it's just 1508 01:00:11,317 --> 01:00:13,986 right above your balls, so-- 1509 01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:17,531 What are you doing? What are you-- 1510 01:00:17,614 --> 01:00:18,824 [pours tea] 1511 01:00:18,907 --> 01:00:20,367 [Andre] Oh, my God, what the fuck? 1512 01:00:20,451 --> 01:00:21,827 [Kevin] Oh, man, come on. - What the fuck? 1513 01:00:21,910 --> 01:00:23,037 Come, on man. 1514 01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:24,455 The ancient Babylonians believed 1515 01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:26,415 that undergarments were a sign of weakness. 1516 01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:30,085 I tend to agree. 1517 01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,463 I respect that. 1518 01:00:33,839 --> 01:00:35,674 I respect that. 1519 01:00:35,758 --> 01:00:38,093 I just... 1520 01:00:38,177 --> 01:00:39,553 [clears throat] 1521 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,016 I just want to, I wanna thank you 1522 01:00:44,099 --> 01:00:45,684 for taking the time, 'cause I know you didn't-- 1523 01:00:45,768 --> 01:00:47,978 Cut the compliments. Tell me why you're here. 1524 01:00:48,062 --> 01:00:53,400 I, um, I know you're Doug's mentor, right? 1525 01:00:53,484 --> 01:00:54,985 If there's anyone who knows how he operates, 1526 01:00:55,069 --> 01:00:57,529 how he thinks, it's... 1527 01:00:57,613 --> 01:00:59,031 I need your help. 1528 01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,330 Watch your eye. Watch your eye. 1529 01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,628 Let's walk. 1530 01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:16,590 Doug Eubanks is more than just a former student of mine. 1531 01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:20,469 He's my friend, my confidant. 1532 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,806 Briefly, in 2003, he was my lover. 1533 01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:27,017 Doug is the most fearless stunt performer 1534 01:01:27,101 --> 01:01:29,311 that I've ever trained. 1535 01:01:29,395 --> 01:01:31,605 One time, he asked me to stab him with an ice pick 1536 01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:33,232 'cause he needed to know how it felt so he could 1537 01:01:33,315 --> 01:01:34,900 replicate that reaction when the cameras are rolling. 1538 01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,444 - Did you do it? - With pleasure. 1539 01:01:37,528 --> 01:01:39,822 As a stuntman, you embrace pain, 1540 01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:41,407 lay your life on the line for your actor 1541 01:01:41,490 --> 01:01:42,825 every day you step on set. 1542 01:01:42,908 --> 01:01:46,036 And occasionally, an actor says thanks. 1543 01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:48,163 Sometimes they don't say thanks. 1544 01:01:48,247 --> 01:01:49,873 Sometimes they just fire you without warning 'cause 1545 01:01:49,957 --> 01:01:51,667 all of a sudden they think they're John fucking Rambo, 1546 01:01:51,750 --> 01:01:54,294 but they're nothing but a little bitch with a giant ego. 1547 01:01:54,378 --> 01:01:56,255 Yeah, yeah. So, hey, are you gonna talk to him for me? 1548 01:01:56,338 --> 01:01:58,048 [laughs] 1549 01:01:58,132 --> 01:01:59,508 Actors talk. 1550 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,678 Stuntmen... stunt. 1551 01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:07,683 You're gonna have to fight Doug, and you're gonna lose. 1552 01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:10,853 Well, shit, then why are you-- 1553 01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:12,229 Why are you even talking to me, then? 1554 01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:13,522 Only reason I'm talking to you 1555 01:02:13,605 --> 01:02:15,399 is 'cause every person is trapped 1556 01:02:15,482 --> 01:02:17,359 in a story of their own design, and I know the exact story 1557 01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:18,694 you're trapped in. 1558 01:02:18,777 --> 01:02:19,987 Yeah, it's a revenge story. 1559 01:02:20,070 --> 01:02:21,405 It's not revenge. 1560 01:02:21,488 --> 01:02:23,282 It's redemption. 1561 01:02:23,365 --> 01:02:25,075 No, I'm pretty sure it's revenge. 1562 01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:27,870 What do you really want? 1563 01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,623 I want my life back. I want to defeat Doug. 1564 01:02:31,707 --> 01:02:34,084 Defeat Doug? Doug's the enemy. 1565 01:02:34,168 --> 01:02:36,295 Doug's the bad guy? You're the good guy? 1566 01:02:36,378 --> 01:02:37,796 I just want to make sure I'm hearing this right. 1567 01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,799 Okay, maybe we're both bad guys. 1568 01:02:40,883 --> 01:02:42,301 No, Kevin. 1569 01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:45,679 You're both good guys. 1570 01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:51,518 Did you hear that? 1571 01:02:51,602 --> 01:02:53,645 Yeah, I'm trying to figure it out. 1572 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,399 He fucked Doug. 1573 01:02:57,483 --> 01:02:59,526 I didn't hear that. What? 1574 01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:00,986 He fucked Doug. 1575 01:03:01,069 --> 01:03:02,779 I didn't catch that. I was-- 1576 01:03:02,863 --> 01:03:04,198 Right at the top, he said it. Right over there, he said-- 1577 01:03:04,281 --> 01:03:06,033 No. I saw a ladybug. I gotta-- 1578 01:03:06,116 --> 01:03:07,576 So that means he's kind of fucked you before. 1579 01:03:07,659 --> 01:03:09,703 [Kevin] No, no. Wait a minute, no, he hasn't. 1580 01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:15,751 This is my dojo. 1581 01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:19,671 Well, it kind of looks like a bunch of trees 1582 01:03:19,755 --> 01:03:21,590 if you ask me, but alright. 1583 01:03:21,673 --> 01:03:24,384 - Goodness gracious. - Excuse me. 1584 01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:25,928 - Sorry. - Coming through. 1585 01:03:26,011 --> 01:03:28,305 - Yep. Yep. Sorry. - Coming through. 1586 01:03:28,388 --> 01:03:29,723 You've really gotta share the trail, guys. 1587 01:03:29,806 --> 01:03:31,350 - It's our fault. - Sorry. 1588 01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:32,809 We didn't even know it was a trail, to be honest. 1589 01:03:32,893 --> 01:03:35,354 I had no idea. 1590 01:03:35,437 --> 01:03:38,232 So this is where you're gonna train me to face Doug, huh? 1591 01:03:38,315 --> 01:03:40,067 Let me explain something to you. 1592 01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:43,403 Stuntman's Creed, be thy actor. 1593 01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:46,281 Every role you ever trained for, Doug trained harder. 1594 01:03:46,365 --> 01:03:48,158 Every martial art you supposedly learn, 1595 01:03:48,242 --> 01:03:49,826 Doug learned it for real. 1596 01:03:49,910 --> 01:03:52,037 He had to, 'cause when the cameras were rolling, 1597 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,498 it was his ass on the line, not yours, sitting 1598 01:03:54,581 --> 01:03:56,458 in video village, sipping lattes, 1599 01:03:56,542 --> 01:03:58,043 eating sushi off of nude models. 1600 01:03:58,126 --> 01:04:00,379 Hey. First of all, I got a bad case of pinkeye. 1601 01:04:00,462 --> 01:04:02,089 I learned my lesson. 1602 01:04:02,172 --> 01:04:03,590 Hasn't happened since. 1603 01:04:03,674 --> 01:04:05,467 You never appreciated Doug. 1604 01:04:05,551 --> 01:04:06,718 Actors never do. 1605 01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,471 Anyway, I recently learned that 1606 01:04:09,555 --> 01:04:11,390 there's a lot of people that I may have underappreciated. 1607 01:04:13,267 --> 01:04:15,185 [Mr. 206] Good, Kevin. 1608 01:04:15,269 --> 01:04:17,396 That's growth. 1609 01:04:17,479 --> 01:04:19,982 - See that branch up there? - Yeah. 1610 01:04:20,065 --> 01:04:21,608 Climb that tree, crawl out to that branch, 1611 01:04:21,692 --> 01:04:23,235 and give me a dead drop to the ground. 1612 01:04:23,318 --> 01:04:25,696 [mystical music] 1613 01:04:25,779 --> 01:04:28,115 Uh, how am I supposed to-- 1614 01:04:28,198 --> 01:04:30,158 You want to know how Doug thinks? 1615 01:04:30,242 --> 01:04:31,493 You want to know how he operates? 1616 01:04:31,577 --> 01:04:33,745 You must see the world as he sees it, 1617 01:04:33,829 --> 01:04:35,789 without fear, without hesitation. 1618 01:04:39,501 --> 01:04:40,711 I'm a little scared, though. 1619 01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:42,337 I'm just gonna throw that out there. 1620 01:04:42,421 --> 01:04:44,548 - It's not like I'm-- - I volunteer as tribute. 1621 01:04:44,631 --> 01:04:47,342 Damn right you do. 1622 01:04:47,426 --> 01:04:49,177 This is Kevin's journey. That's his dead-drop branch. 1623 01:04:49,261 --> 01:04:50,637 No, that's what you don't understand. 1624 01:04:50,721 --> 01:04:52,556 You know why? Because what's Kevin's is mine. 1625 01:04:52,639 --> 01:04:53,724 - Well-- - Well, right. 1626 01:04:53,807 --> 01:04:55,017 I mean, not your material wealth. 1627 01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:56,226 - Of course, or your income. - No. 1628 01:04:56,310 --> 01:04:57,769 - Or your success. - No. 1629 01:04:57,853 --> 01:04:59,104 Or your rare collection of cars, which are amazing. 1630 01:04:59,187 --> 01:05:00,439 - No. - Right, none of that. 1631 01:05:00,522 --> 01:05:03,734 But his pain, his anguish-- 1632 01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:05,694 Basically, anything that's bad, anything that's bad-- 1633 01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:07,696 that's mine, too. That is my journey. 1634 01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:12,826 - What? - Brother. 1635 01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:19,249 Oh my gosh. 1636 01:05:19,333 --> 01:05:20,876 [coughing] 1637 01:05:20,959 --> 01:05:22,836 What's happening, guys? 1638 01:05:22,919 --> 01:05:24,254 Guys, this don't look good from the back. 1639 01:05:24,338 --> 01:05:25,672 What's going on? 1640 01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:28,842 [grunting] 1641 01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:31,261 [screaming] 1642 01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,687 Kevin, you can't compete with Doug... 1643 01:05:40,771 --> 01:05:43,815 but you clearly have the one thing he will never have. 1644 01:05:45,609 --> 01:05:47,486 You have a sidekick. 1645 01:05:47,569 --> 01:05:50,280 Andre? No, Andre is my-- 1646 01:05:50,364 --> 01:05:51,990 Andre's like my-- What would you call it? 1647 01:05:52,074 --> 01:05:53,492 [indistinct chatter] 1648 01:05:53,575 --> 01:05:54,910 No, no, no. No, no. 1649 01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:56,870 - I'm his-- - Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no. 1650 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:58,705 Andre's your what? I want you to say it. 1651 01:05:58,789 --> 01:06:00,207 Well, he was gonna say it, too. 1652 01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:01,833 No, no, he's right there. Andre's your what? 1653 01:06:01,917 --> 01:06:03,210 You don't have to do this, man. 1654 01:06:03,293 --> 01:06:04,503 He's your what? 1655 01:06:04,586 --> 01:06:05,879 Well, he's my assistant, my assistant. 1656 01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:07,923 [gibbers] He's your-- 1657 01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:09,216 - He's-- - Say it. 1658 01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:10,759 Andre's my-- He's my sidekick. 1659 01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,719 - Say it. - He's-- Andre's my sidekick. 1660 01:06:12,803 --> 01:06:14,137 [Mr. 206] Say it. [Kevin] He's my sidekick. 1661 01:06:14,221 --> 01:06:15,472 [Mr. 206] Yeah, I need you to say it. 1662 01:06:15,555 --> 01:06:17,182 Okay. Andre-- Andre is my sidekick. 1663 01:06:17,265 --> 01:06:18,517 God damn it, Kevin, I need you to 1664 01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:19,976 fucking say it! 1665 01:06:20,060 --> 01:06:21,311 And I need you to believe it 1666 01:06:21,395 --> 01:06:22,813 deep down in your fucking bones. 1667 01:06:22,896 --> 01:06:26,191 Andre-- Andre is my sidekick! 1668 01:06:26,274 --> 01:06:28,610 - Huh? - I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1669 01:06:28,694 --> 01:06:30,028 Who's your sidekick? 1670 01:06:30,112 --> 01:06:31,697 I said, Andre is my sidekick! 1671 01:06:31,780 --> 01:06:35,575 [Andre] I'm your sidekick! - Andre is my si-- 1672 01:06:35,659 --> 01:06:38,537 I'm your sidekick! 1673 01:06:38,620 --> 01:06:40,580 What's happening to me, man? 1674 01:06:40,664 --> 01:06:42,833 [Mr. 206] It's growth, Kevin. 1675 01:06:42,916 --> 01:06:45,127 Growth hurts. 1676 01:06:45,210 --> 01:06:47,879 That's a pain that no double can take for you. 1677 01:06:50,048 --> 01:06:54,344 You see, Kevin, you came here seeking a mentor, but it's you. 1678 01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,347 You are the mentor. 1679 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,434 Hell yeah. 1680 01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:04,938 [Mr. 206] You know what? You know what? 1681 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:07,774 You two... take this moment, talk. 1682 01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:10,360 Talk over your new bond. 1683 01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,364 I'm gonna go get my tea. 1684 01:07:17,868 --> 01:07:19,619 [Andre] What a fucking day. 1685 01:07:19,703 --> 01:07:22,414 [laughs] I mean, now that I'm essentially, 1686 01:07:22,497 --> 01:07:24,166 I've been deputized as your sidekick, 1687 01:07:24,249 --> 01:07:26,376 I have an idea for Doug. We could work together on this. 1688 01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:27,961 We gotta get close to him, okay? 1689 01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:29,921 We don't have to record him or anything like... 1690 01:07:30,005 --> 01:07:31,465 What's wrong? What's wrong? 1691 01:07:31,548 --> 01:07:32,841 [ominous music] 1692 01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:34,384 That scar on his hand. 1693 01:07:34,468 --> 01:07:36,595 Yeah? 1694 01:07:36,678 --> 01:07:38,513 I think I recognize that scar. 1695 01:07:38,597 --> 01:07:40,098 [door opens] 1696 01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:52,486 [engine turns over] 1697 01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:54,988 [engine roars] 1698 01:08:04,164 --> 01:08:06,625 [upbeat music] 1699 01:08:13,131 --> 01:08:14,925 [phone ringing] 1700 01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,343 [Guard on intercom] We don't have any scheduled deliveries. 1701 01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:17,636 Please turn around. 1702 01:08:17,719 --> 01:08:19,429 Hey, pal, I got a hot date 1703 01:08:19,513 --> 01:08:22,641 with my old lady in 30 minutes, meatball sub night, 1704 01:08:22,724 --> 01:08:25,060 and all’s I knows is I got a package 1705 01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:27,312 from Debra Simon at the studio. 1706 01:08:27,395 --> 01:08:29,856 Now, I can either leave it here, or I can take it home, 1707 01:08:29,940 --> 01:08:31,983 but you gotta tell me what you want me to do. 1708 01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:36,071 [Guard on intercom] Go ahead. 1709 01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:38,949 That's what I thought. I'll see you in a bit. Up, up! 1710 01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,661 Okay. 1711 01:08:42,744 --> 01:08:47,958 Hey, Ronald Mondolvia, Mondolvia Plumbing, license and bonded. 1712 01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:49,626 You know, some guys are licensed, not bonded. 1713 01:08:49,709 --> 01:08:51,253 Other guys, they're bonded, not licensed. 1714 01:08:51,336 --> 01:08:53,547 Me, I'm both licensed and bonded. 1715 01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:55,048 Debra Simon sent a plumber? 1716 01:08:55,131 --> 01:08:57,300 Not a plumber, my man. The plumber. 1717 01:08:57,384 --> 01:08:59,177 I can plumb anything with pipes. Fuck it. 1718 01:08:59,261 --> 01:09:00,554 Sometimes I don't even need pipes. 1719 01:09:00,637 --> 01:09:02,430 One time I plumbed a manila envelope. 1720 01:09:02,514 --> 01:09:04,266 Water was spouting fucking everywhere. 1721 01:09:04,349 --> 01:09:05,684 - It was insane. - So what's in the van? 1722 01:09:05,767 --> 01:09:07,227 Oh, my God. 1723 01:09:07,310 --> 01:09:09,813 Hold on to your fucking beautiful, beautiful balls 1724 01:09:09,896 --> 01:09:11,273 because this, my man-- 1725 01:09:11,356 --> 01:09:12,399 [knocks] 1726 01:09:12,482 --> 01:09:13,859 It's a commode. 1727 01:09:13,942 --> 01:09:16,486 Imported Italian marble, beautiful one-piece 1728 01:09:16,570 --> 01:09:18,321 construction, 12-speed bidet. 1729 01:09:18,405 --> 01:09:20,115 We got a little air fryer on the right. 1730 01:09:20,198 --> 01:09:21,908 You want to cook, eat, circle of life, shitting, 1731 01:09:21,992 --> 01:09:23,368 eating at the same time, there's only a couple 1732 01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:24,911 of these in the entire world. 1733 01:09:24,995 --> 01:09:26,204 This, my friend, probably one of the best 1734 01:09:26,288 --> 01:09:27,497 presents in the universe. 1735 01:09:27,581 --> 01:09:30,083 So can you, you know, eh? 1736 01:09:34,296 --> 01:09:36,715 [vocalizes] 1737 01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:40,927 You gonna help me fucking bring it in, or no? 1738 01:09:41,011 --> 01:09:42,846 - Alright, fuck it, whatever. [Andre] Yeah, okay. 1739 01:09:42,929 --> 01:09:45,307 I'll supervise. Pick it up. 1740 01:09:45,390 --> 01:09:47,267 Use your back. 1741 01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:48,560 Whoa, big boy. Big boy coming through. 1742 01:09:48,643 --> 01:09:50,103 Big boy coming through. Big boy. 1743 01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:51,855 Okay, Andre has the guard's attention. 1744 01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:53,148 Okay. 1745 01:09:53,231 --> 01:09:54,816 You sure you're ready for this? 1746 01:09:54,900 --> 01:09:57,235 In our family, if an A-list actor is in trouble, 1747 01:09:57,319 --> 01:09:59,738 we don't stand quietly by. 1748 01:09:59,821 --> 01:10:02,407 We fight, and if we must, we die. 1749 01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:08,413 Wow, well, the world could use more people like... 1750 01:10:08,496 --> 01:10:09,789 Wait, what is your last name? 1751 01:10:09,873 --> 01:10:11,166 Oh, Mondolvia. 1752 01:10:15,921 --> 01:10:17,380 Where the hell does this thing go? 1753 01:10:17,464 --> 01:10:20,675 Oh, that is the million-dollar question, huh? 1754 01:10:20,759 --> 01:10:22,469 Let me think about this. 1755 01:10:22,552 --> 01:10:25,680 Well, you could powder-room it, show it off like a prize pony, 1756 01:10:25,764 --> 01:10:28,558 or you put it in the main bath. 1757 01:10:28,642 --> 01:10:30,560 Keep all that for yourself, hmm? 1758 01:10:30,644 --> 01:10:32,520 Now, there's a third option, alright? 1759 01:10:32,604 --> 01:10:35,357 Listen up closely 'cause this one's fucking insane. 1760 01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:37,776 You can put the commode right here, 1761 01:10:37,859 --> 01:10:40,111 smack dab in the middle of the living room, 1762 01:10:40,195 --> 01:10:42,989 and you take a big, greasy shit right here, 1763 01:10:43,073 --> 01:10:44,366 look everybody right in the eyes, 1764 01:10:44,449 --> 01:10:46,576 make them wonder what your deal is. 1765 01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:48,370 And I know what you're thinking, holy shit, 1766 01:10:48,453 --> 01:10:50,455 that's aggressive, right? 1767 01:10:50,538 --> 01:10:51,790 But they'll respect the shit out of you. 1768 01:10:51,873 --> 01:10:53,124 Wait a minute, don't I know you? 1769 01:10:53,208 --> 01:10:55,418 Don't you know? Don't you know? 1770 01:10:55,502 --> 01:10:57,212 [yells] Yeah, boop, boop, boop, boop. 1771 01:10:57,295 --> 01:10:59,130 Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what it is? 1772 01:10:59,214 --> 01:11:00,590 Isn't this the place you took a shit 1773 01:11:00,674 --> 01:11:01,841 so big up there that people thought there 1774 01:11:01,925 --> 01:11:03,426 was a dog loose in the pipes? 1775 01:11:03,510 --> 01:11:04,886 How the hell am I gonna take a shit-- 1776 01:11:04,970 --> 01:11:06,304 Man, what are you talking about? No. 1777 01:11:06,388 --> 01:11:07,806 - Wasn't that you? - No. 1778 01:11:07,889 --> 01:11:09,391 - No? - A dog in the pipes? 1779 01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:10,642 [Andre] Maybe it was a dachshund. 1780 01:11:10,725 --> 01:11:11,893 Looked like a dachshund, your big-- 1781 01:11:11,977 --> 01:11:13,395 [fireworks exploding] 1782 01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:14,604 - Oh, no, is that the dog? - Wait right here. 1783 01:11:14,688 --> 01:11:16,147 I'll deal with you in a minute. 1784 01:11:16,231 --> 01:11:18,400 Yeah, I'm gonna wait right here in New York City, 1785 01:11:18,483 --> 01:11:19,776 you know what I mean? 1786 01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,988 Kevin? Kevin, are you okay, baby? 1787 01:11:23,071 --> 01:11:24,406 Everything went incredible up here. 1788 01:11:24,489 --> 01:11:25,907 - You alright? [Kevin] Yeah, I'm alright. 1789 01:11:25,991 --> 01:11:28,034 Sweating my goddamn ass off, though. 1790 01:11:28,118 --> 01:11:30,120 Jesus Christ, how you ain't cut no holes in here? 1791 01:11:30,203 --> 01:11:31,830 Let's get you out of here and kick some fucking ass. 1792 01:11:31,913 --> 01:11:33,415 - What do you say, huh? [Kevin] Alright, come on. 1793 01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:34,833 - Let's go. - Yes! 1794 01:11:36,501 --> 01:11:38,712 [fireworks whistling] 1795 01:11:49,264 --> 01:11:51,474 - What are you doing? - Funny story. 1796 01:11:51,558 --> 01:11:52,934 You're gonna lose your goddamn mind. 1797 01:11:53,018 --> 01:11:56,354 I drilled this puppy a little bit too hard. 1798 01:11:56,438 --> 01:11:58,857 I can't get it out without the aid of some tools. 1799 01:11:58,940 --> 01:12:00,442 So give me a second. I'm gonna grab some tools. 1800 01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:02,444 I'll be right back. Okay, talk soon. 1801 01:12:02,527 --> 01:12:04,070 Hey, Andre, you better stop playing. 1802 01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:06,865 Seriously, man. Andre? 1803 01:12:06,948 --> 01:12:08,450 [knocks] Andre? 1804 01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,120 [fireworks whistling] 1805 01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:19,878 Hey, were those fireworks? 1806 01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:22,881 I live next door, at the Mondolvia estate. 1807 01:12:22,964 --> 01:12:25,592 Did you set those off? You know that that is illegal. 1808 01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:28,261 They're not ours. I don't know who set these off. 1809 01:12:28,344 --> 01:12:30,597 Well, it scared the bejesus out of me, 1810 01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,557 and I have a pacemaker. 1811 01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:34,517 What do you have to say for yourself? 1812 01:12:34,601 --> 01:12:36,227 Look, lady, I told you, they're not my fireworks, 1813 01:12:36,311 --> 01:12:38,104 and I didn't shit in any pipes! 1814 01:12:38,188 --> 01:12:39,314 What? 1815 01:12:39,397 --> 01:12:40,732 [electricity crackling] 1816 01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:46,321 That's for Andre. 1817 01:12:51,910 --> 01:12:52,911 [Kevin knocks] 1818 01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:54,120 [Kevin] Andre? 1819 01:12:54,204 --> 01:12:55,371 [knocks] 1820 01:12:55,455 --> 01:12:57,123 Andre? Come on, man, I'm serious. 1821 01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,752 There you go. What took you so long? 1822 01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:03,046 Where you go? Leaving me in this box 1823 01:13:03,129 --> 01:13:05,215 with all that goddamn quiet. Don't do that. 1824 01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:07,550 [chainsaw starts] 1825 01:13:07,634 --> 01:13:09,594 The fuck is that? 1826 01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,762 Hey. 1827 01:13:10,845 --> 01:13:12,222 [chainsaw revs] 1828 01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,765 Andre, that's a chainsaw? Okay, hold on. 1829 01:13:13,848 --> 01:13:15,225 Wait, wait, wait. 1830 01:13:15,308 --> 01:13:17,310 [shouting indiscernibly] 1831 01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,521 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1832 01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:22,023 Slow it down. Slow it down. Slow it down! 1833 01:13:22,107 --> 01:13:23,775 You're gonna cut my fucking head! 1834 01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:25,443 You're gonna cut my head! 1835 01:13:25,527 --> 01:13:29,072 No more chainsaw. No more chainsaw! 1836 01:13:29,155 --> 01:13:31,199 No more chainsaw, okay? 1837 01:13:31,282 --> 01:13:33,201 Jesus Christ. 1838 01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:35,829 Shit. What the fuck, Andre? 1839 01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,581 Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, shit. 1840 01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,085 On behalf of stunt actors everywhere, 1841 01:13:42,168 --> 01:13:47,090 I'm excited to say, this is your day of reckoning! 1842 01:13:47,173 --> 01:13:49,175 [laughs maniacally] 1843 01:13:49,259 --> 01:13:51,177 Hold up! 1844 01:13:51,261 --> 01:13:52,804 Trying to tell me a big old stunt legend like yourself 1845 01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:55,598 need a chainsaw? 1846 01:13:55,682 --> 01:13:56,891 Huh? 1847 01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:01,563 That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Two men. 1848 01:14:01,646 --> 01:14:04,190 How about two dogs in a bowl? I want to eat. 1849 01:14:04,274 --> 01:14:06,234 [barking] 1850 01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:08,403 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1851 01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:09,988 Oh, you got a knife. 1852 01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:13,283 Big old man like yourself, stunt legend, 1853 01:14:13,366 --> 01:14:15,285 you need a knife for little old me? 1854 01:14:15,368 --> 01:14:16,703 That's what you need? 1855 01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:18,204 Fuck it. 1856 01:14:18,288 --> 01:14:19,789 - I'll kill you with my hands. [Kevin] What? 1857 01:14:19,873 --> 01:14:21,207 [hyperventilating] 1858 01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,881 Yeah, you know this ain't go too good for you 1859 01:14:27,964 --> 01:14:30,091 in that little, shitty hallway. 1860 01:14:30,175 --> 01:14:32,510 Man, Jordan whooped your ass. 1861 01:14:32,594 --> 01:14:35,972 Mask I was wearing was 100 percent polyester, unbreathable. 1862 01:14:36,055 --> 01:14:37,432 Sweating into my contacts. 1863 01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:38,850 Hell, a child could have kicked my ass. 1864 01:14:38,933 --> 01:14:40,226 Oh, that's a real elaborate excuse, 1865 01:14:40,310 --> 01:14:41,811 don't you think? Superman punch! 1866 01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:46,649 Oh, shit! 1867 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,235 Ah, shit. 1868 01:14:53,948 --> 01:14:55,617 [bones crack] 1869 01:14:55,700 --> 01:14:57,619 Shit. Andre! 1870 01:14:57,702 --> 01:14:59,662 Andre, do the sidekick stuff! 1871 01:14:59,746 --> 01:15:02,248 I made all that shit up about your sidekick. 1872 01:15:02,332 --> 01:15:04,083 You think I'd help you? 1873 01:15:04,167 --> 01:15:07,629 You think I'd put a greedy, unappreciative, 1874 01:15:07,712 --> 01:15:09,714 overrated actor over a stuntman? 1875 01:15:09,797 --> 01:15:12,759 [laughs] I just thought it'd be fun to give you 1876 01:15:12,842 --> 01:15:15,470 some false hope before you died. 1877 01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:18,264 [screams] Shit! Yo, you gonna break my arm! 1878 01:15:18,348 --> 01:15:20,266 Yeah, and every other one of the 206 bones 1879 01:15:20,350 --> 01:15:23,311 in your body, and then I'm gonna eat your ass. 1880 01:15:23,394 --> 01:15:25,772 I knew it. I knew you were a ass-eater. 1881 01:15:25,855 --> 01:15:27,106 [Kevin cries] 1882 01:15:28,566 --> 01:15:30,109 [grunting] 1883 01:15:32,237 --> 01:15:33,571 - Oh, hey. [Kevin] I'll stab you. 1884 01:15:33,655 --> 01:15:34,948 Cute knife. What are you gonna do with that? 1885 01:15:35,031 --> 01:15:38,076 You gonna hurt me with that? Huh, huh? 1886 01:15:38,159 --> 01:15:40,536 No, but she is. 1887 01:15:43,539 --> 01:15:44,874 Oh, shit. 1888 01:15:46,209 --> 01:15:47,418 Oh, you got him. 1889 01:15:47,502 --> 01:15:48,795 It's... Okay. 1890 01:15:48,878 --> 01:15:51,130 Um, holy shit. 1891 01:15:51,214 --> 01:15:53,132 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. 1892 01:15:53,216 --> 01:15:55,301 Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. 1893 01:15:55,385 --> 01:15:58,221 Eyes. You good. 1894 01:15:58,304 --> 01:16:00,265 Thirsty. 1895 01:16:00,348 --> 01:16:02,809 - You what? - Th-- thirsty. 1896 01:16:02,892 --> 01:16:04,894 Well, get you something to drink. 1897 01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:08,606 You fucking threw a knife in his head. 1898 01:16:08,690 --> 01:16:11,567 I didn't know what else to do. I meant for his shoulder. 1899 01:16:11,651 --> 01:16:13,152 How did you mean for his shoulder? 1900 01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:14,821 Fucking size of the fireplace. 1901 01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:16,489 That's him. 1902 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,910 He's awake. It's a good sign. 1903 01:16:20,994 --> 01:16:22,912 It's a good thing. Look, he's fine. He's fine. 1904 01:16:22,996 --> 01:16:24,205 [Kevin] What are you talking, he's fine? 1905 01:16:24,289 --> 01:16:26,040 [Jordan] I mean, he's... 1906 01:16:26,124 --> 01:16:28,918 He's a fucking zombie. What do you mean, he's fine? 1907 01:16:29,002 --> 01:16:31,254 [Cynthia] Oh, god, he's gonna burn himself. 1908 01:16:31,337 --> 01:16:33,006 He's gonna get a burn on his hand or something. 1909 01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:34,340 It's not really the worst thing 1910 01:16:34,424 --> 01:16:35,508 that could happen to him at this point. 1911 01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:37,135 [Jordan] That's true. - Oh. 1912 01:16:37,218 --> 01:16:38,928 Hey! There he is. 1913 01:16:39,012 --> 01:16:40,221 How you doing, man? 1914 01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:42,974 Jesus Christ. 1915 01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:46,185 - He's okay. - He's just taking a nap. 1916 01:16:46,269 --> 01:16:47,812 He's not dead. He's fine. 1917 01:16:47,895 --> 01:16:49,188 - He's okay? - Yeah. 1918 01:16:49,272 --> 01:16:51,774 Wait, where's Andre? 1919 01:16:51,858 --> 01:16:53,693 Where's my sweet boy? 1920 01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:56,571 [Doug] Don't you worry, 'cause I found him. 1921 01:16:56,654 --> 01:16:58,740 [Andre] Alright, I'm sorry. 1922 01:16:58,823 --> 01:17:01,034 I made an oopsie-daisy. I got captured. 1923 01:17:01,117 --> 01:17:03,161 I thought I heard your voice, but it wasn't your voice. 1924 01:17:03,244 --> 01:17:04,954 It was his voice. I'm the worst sidekick in the world. 1925 01:17:05,038 --> 01:17:06,497 - Hey, shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1926 01:17:06,581 --> 01:17:07,832 - Shut up. - I'm gonna shut up. 1927 01:17:07,915 --> 01:17:10,001 You hurt one hair on my son's head, 1928 01:17:10,084 --> 01:17:12,211 I swear to God, motherfucker, 1929 01:17:12,295 --> 01:17:16,090 I will split you from chin to balls. 1930 01:17:16,174 --> 01:17:17,800 - Who the fuck are you? - That's my mom. 1931 01:17:17,884 --> 01:17:19,969 I love you, mom. If I die, I love you in heaven. 1932 01:17:20,053 --> 01:17:21,679 What the hell is your mother doing here, boy? 1933 01:17:21,763 --> 01:17:24,599 I'm here for moral support, and I love him. 1934 01:17:24,682 --> 01:17:26,059 [Andre] I love you, mom. 1935 01:17:26,142 --> 01:17:28,061 But I will fuck you up! 1936 01:17:28,144 --> 01:17:29,562 - Try me! - Mom-- 1937 01:17:29,645 --> 01:17:31,397 I love you. 1938 01:17:31,481 --> 01:17:33,399 How come y'all don't have no guns? 1939 01:17:33,483 --> 01:17:34,984 'Cause we're not here to kill anybody, Doug. 1940 01:17:35,068 --> 01:17:37,820 Oh. Oh, is that right? 1941 01:17:37,904 --> 01:17:40,490 Then where's Mr. 206 at? 1942 01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:43,242 He's... making breakfast. 1943 01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,707 [crying] This is a fucking joke to you. 1944 01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,336 It's a fucking joke to you. 1945 01:17:53,419 --> 01:17:55,421 [crying] 1946 01:17:55,505 --> 01:17:57,882 Shut your ass up. Fuck you crying for? 1947 01:17:57,965 --> 01:18:02,512 - 'Cause I can feel your-- - That man was my mentor. 1948 01:18:02,595 --> 01:18:06,057 He was my muse, my rock. 1949 01:18:06,140 --> 01:18:07,934 And in 2003, for a brief period 1950 01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:10,311 where I was confused about my sexuality, he was my lover. 1951 01:18:10,395 --> 01:18:12,188 - Okay. - Sounds like a very special-- 1952 01:18:12,271 --> 01:18:13,523 Shut your ass up. Don't-- 1953 01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:15,441 [Kevin] Hey, hey, hey, listen to me. 1954 01:18:15,525 --> 01:18:17,693 Doug, we are sorry for your loss, man. 1955 01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:19,237 - So sorry. - We're sorry. 1956 01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:23,241 Oh. Oh, you're sorry, huh? Hmm? 1957 01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:25,701 See, y'all are a bunch of brainiacs. 1958 01:18:25,785 --> 01:18:27,036 I thought I had all you dead 1959 01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:29,455 in that goddamn business offices, I did. 1960 01:18:29,539 --> 01:18:30,915 [Kevin] Alright, Doug. 1961 01:18:30,998 --> 01:18:33,543 Doug, listen to me. Don't you hurt him, man. 1962 01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:35,503 You hear me? Don't hurt him. 1963 01:18:35,586 --> 01:18:38,256 [Doug] Oh, 'cause you care all of a sudden, hm? 1964 01:18:38,339 --> 01:18:41,467 All of a sudden, you got a fucking heart, Tin Man? 1965 01:18:41,551 --> 01:18:43,469 You don't care about nothing. 1966 01:18:43,553 --> 01:18:46,472 This man ain't nothing but an employee of yours, 1967 01:18:46,556 --> 01:18:49,350 which means he's disposable. Ain't that right? Hmm? 1968 01:18:49,434 --> 01:18:51,269 [Kevin] That's not true. 1969 01:18:51,352 --> 01:18:53,062 The man is the complete opposite of that. 1970 01:18:54,689 --> 01:18:57,525 - Andre is 34 years old. - 35. 1971 01:18:57,608 --> 01:18:58,985 He's left-handed. 1972 01:18:59,068 --> 01:19:00,570 Right-handed. 1973 01:19:00,653 --> 01:19:01,904 Afraid of scorpions. 1974 01:19:01,988 --> 01:19:03,698 [Andre] I love scorpions. 1975 01:19:03,781 --> 01:19:05,158 He won a sixth-grade spelling bee. 1976 01:19:05,241 --> 01:19:06,701 I got fourth place. 1977 01:19:06,784 --> 01:19:08,286 He memorized every single line of House Party, 1978 01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:09,579 both Kid's and Play's. 1979 01:19:09,662 --> 01:19:10,913 - You did that. - I did do that. 1980 01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:12,498 That is me. 1981 01:19:12,582 --> 01:19:15,793 Andre is the one man that I cannot live without. 1982 01:19:15,877 --> 01:19:17,795 [Andre] I'm with you, ride or die, 1983 01:19:17,879 --> 01:19:19,130 although I was hoping for a little bit 1984 01:19:19,213 --> 01:19:20,548 more ride and a little less die. 1985 01:19:20,631 --> 01:19:22,300 I think I'm gonna die, like, really soon. 1986 01:19:22,383 --> 01:19:23,509 - Enough, enough. - I'm gonna shut up. 1987 01:19:23,593 --> 01:19:26,012 Doug, now stop it. 1988 01:19:26,095 --> 01:19:27,805 You don't even want him, man. 1989 01:19:27,889 --> 01:19:30,141 You want me. I'm the one who messed up. 1990 01:19:30,224 --> 01:19:33,311 I'm the one that threw you out like Tuesday's trash 1991 01:19:33,394 --> 01:19:35,771 and left you on the side of the goddamn curb 1992 01:19:35,855 --> 01:19:38,024 without the blink of an eye. I did that. 1993 01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:42,236 You want me, not him, so let him go. 1994 01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:44,822 Let him go and take me. 1995 01:19:44,906 --> 01:19:46,908 That's what you want? You want me to let him go? 1996 01:19:46,991 --> 01:19:48,576 Hmm? Say it. Say it again. 1997 01:19:48,659 --> 01:19:50,161 I want you to let him go. 1998 01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:52,413 - Mama, how about you? - Please let him go. 1999 01:19:52,497 --> 01:19:53,539 [Doug] Let him go, huh? [Andre] Will you let me go? 2000 01:19:53,623 --> 01:19:54,790 You want me to let you go? 2001 01:19:54,874 --> 01:19:56,125 Please, Doug. That'd be so nice. 2002 01:19:56,209 --> 01:19:57,835 Everybody telling me to let you go. 2003 01:19:57,919 --> 01:19:59,253 I should just let you go. Hey, mama, I'm gonna let him go. 2004 01:19:59,337 --> 01:20:01,464 - Thank you. - Make sure you watch, hmm? 2005 01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:02,840 - You watching? - Thank you. 2006 01:20:02,924 --> 01:20:04,926 - Now get your ass-- - Ah! 2007 01:20:05,009 --> 01:20:06,677 [Kevin] Oh, shit! - Oh, no. 2008 01:20:06,761 --> 01:20:09,555 Oh, my, he let go. He literally let go. 2009 01:20:09,639 --> 01:20:12,558 - Yeah, I let him go good. - Doug, this ends now. 2010 01:20:12,642 --> 01:20:16,854 [Doug] Oh, well, that's okay with me, Little Boots. 2011 01:20:16,938 --> 01:20:17,939 [gunfire] 2012 01:20:18,022 --> 01:20:20,650 You want to do it the hard way? 2013 01:20:20,733 --> 01:20:24,153 Then let's do it the hard way, motherfucker. 2014 01:20:24,237 --> 01:20:25,696 I got your ass. 2015 01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:30,284 [whimpering] Honey, oh... 2016 01:20:30,368 --> 01:20:31,744 My baby's alive! 2017 01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:33,079 [Kevin] He's alive. [Cynthia] He's alive. 2018 01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:34,789 I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. 2019 01:20:34,872 --> 01:20:37,375 The table actually broke my fall. Did you see me? 2020 01:20:37,458 --> 01:20:40,586 That was the dead drop I never got to do in the woods. 2021 01:20:40,670 --> 01:20:41,879 That was my tribute to you, Kevin. 2022 01:20:41,963 --> 01:20:43,172 Hey, come on. Let's get you up. 2023 01:20:43,256 --> 01:20:44,882 [groans] 2024 01:20:44,966 --> 01:20:46,384 [Jordan] Take it easy. 2025 01:20:46,467 --> 01:20:47,802 Okay, we gotta get him-- Oh, my God. 2026 01:20:47,885 --> 01:20:48,844 What happened? What's going on? 2027 01:20:48,928 --> 01:20:50,388 [Cynthia] Nothing. 2028 01:20:50,471 --> 01:20:52,890 [Jordan] A tiny, tiny bit of the table just-- 2029 01:20:52,974 --> 01:20:54,100 Where is it? What part of it? 2030 01:20:54,183 --> 01:20:55,184 [clamoring] 2031 01:20:55,268 --> 01:20:56,394 [Kevin] Don't touch it. 2032 01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:58,020 - Listen, listen. - Why, why, why? 2033 01:20:58,104 --> 01:20:59,855 Don't touch it. It's nothing. It's nothing crazy. 2034 01:20:59,939 --> 01:21:01,274 It's a little splinter. It's fine. 2035 01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:03,442 Get the tweezers. Let's get it out. 2036 01:21:03,526 --> 01:21:05,027 Why are you holding me back? 2037 01:21:05,111 --> 01:21:06,612 - Get it out! - Stop fiddling with it. 2038 01:21:06,696 --> 01:21:07,905 [Kevin] Yeah, stop for us. [Cynthia] Come on. 2039 01:21:07,989 --> 01:21:09,448 Let's go get him to a hospital. 2040 01:21:09,532 --> 01:21:11,200 It feels like something's in my kidney, right? 2041 01:21:11,284 --> 01:21:12,702 - When I walk, at least. - Come on. 2042 01:21:12,785 --> 01:21:13,995 [Andre moaning] 2043 01:21:14,078 --> 01:21:15,663 Okay. Jesus. 2044 01:21:15,746 --> 01:21:17,206 [dramatic music] 2045 01:21:17,290 --> 01:21:19,208 What the hell is that? 2046 01:21:19,292 --> 01:21:21,210 Oh, I installed customizable lights in here, 2047 01:21:21,294 --> 01:21:23,087 but you never had time to learn how to use 'em. 2048 01:21:23,170 --> 01:21:27,425 [Doug] All them years I was your stuntman, Kevin. 2049 01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:30,678 Get him to the hospital, mom. 2050 01:21:30,761 --> 01:21:32,597 - Jordan, come with me. - Okay, be careful. 2051 01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:34,056 Come on, honey. Help me out. 2052 01:21:34,140 --> 01:21:35,641 [Doug] See, Kevin, it wasn't 2053 01:21:35,725 --> 01:21:38,894 just taking falls and getting kicked in the face 2054 01:21:38,978 --> 01:21:41,564 and getting set on fire. Uh-uh. 2055 01:21:41,647 --> 01:21:44,692 That's not all I was doing to make you look good. 2056 01:21:44,775 --> 01:21:48,529 You remember Justice Squad Part Two? 2057 01:21:48,613 --> 01:21:52,241 You decided to gain 30 pounds for the part. 2058 01:21:52,325 --> 01:21:56,037 That meant that I had to gain 30 pounds, too, Kevin. 2059 01:21:56,120 --> 01:21:58,164 I'm a freaking diabetic, you selfish fuck. 2060 01:21:58,247 --> 01:22:00,291 - I almost put myself in a coma. - Okay, hey. 2061 01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:03,919 Hey, Doug, easy, alright? 2062 01:22:04,003 --> 01:22:05,338 I'm sorry, man. I made a mistake. 2063 01:22:05,421 --> 01:22:07,256 - Shut your ass up. [Andre] Mom, no. 2064 01:22:07,340 --> 01:22:09,800 Mom, no. Mom, no. Mom, I can't leave. 2065 01:22:09,884 --> 01:22:11,719 No, I'm not gonna let you die. 2066 01:22:11,802 --> 01:22:14,055 - I'm not losing another. - Mom, mom, listen, okay? 2067 01:22:14,138 --> 01:22:15,931 Look at me. 2068 01:22:16,015 --> 01:22:18,184 I-- I know you wish you could have saved dad. 2069 01:22:18,267 --> 01:22:19,894 [sobs] Yeah. 2070 01:22:19,977 --> 01:22:21,687 I know, I know, but this is different. 2071 01:22:21,771 --> 01:22:23,773 I'm not just Kevin's assistant. 2072 01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:26,275 I'm his sidekick, and you want to know 2073 01:22:26,359 --> 01:22:28,611 the first rule of sidekick? 2074 01:22:28,694 --> 01:22:30,196 - Do no harm? - No. 2075 01:22:30,279 --> 01:22:32,073 That's doctor's, mom. 2076 01:22:32,156 --> 01:22:34,408 The first rule of sidekick is there is no sidekick. 2077 01:22:34,492 --> 01:22:35,701 That's "Fight Club," mom. 2078 01:22:35,785 --> 01:22:36,869 You know that. Brad Pitt's in that. 2079 01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:38,204 Ed Norton's in that, Mom! 2080 01:22:38,287 --> 01:22:39,830 Just tell me, then. 2081 01:22:39,914 --> 01:22:41,999 [Kevin] Okay, listen to me, and listen good, man. 2082 01:22:42,083 --> 01:22:44,085 Back when I was a sidekick, I was always jealous 2083 01:22:44,168 --> 01:22:46,837 of the lead actor and all the glory they got. 2084 01:22:46,921 --> 01:22:48,172 And I told myself, Doug, 2085 01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:50,007 I said, when I become a lead actor, 2086 01:22:50,091 --> 01:22:51,926 I'm gonna get that same glory. I want it. 2087 01:22:52,009 --> 01:22:55,096 I want to taste that. And I did. 2088 01:22:55,179 --> 01:22:56,597 But when I tasted it, I handled it wrong. 2089 01:22:56,681 --> 01:22:59,850 I was selfish. I was stupid, man. 2090 01:22:59,934 --> 01:23:01,560 And now I realize how much I need my village. 2091 01:23:01,644 --> 01:23:05,189 And, Doug, you're a part of that village, okay? 2092 01:23:05,272 --> 01:23:07,858 I need you. I fucking need you, man. 2093 01:23:07,942 --> 01:23:10,736 Give me a chance to make it up to you. 2094 01:23:10,820 --> 01:23:14,407 Give me a chance to prove to you that this is what I want, 2095 01:23:14,490 --> 01:23:17,201 that-- that I want you, I need you. 2096 01:23:17,284 --> 01:23:18,452 How about I give you the chance 2097 01:23:18,536 --> 01:23:20,788 to suck my dick, hmm? 2098 01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:22,832 I'm living the life, boy. 2099 01:23:22,915 --> 01:23:25,126 I'm in your goddamn mansion. 2100 01:23:25,209 --> 01:23:27,545 Hmm? I live here. 2101 01:23:27,628 --> 01:23:29,296 I got your career. 2102 01:23:29,380 --> 01:23:31,132 Your agents love me. 2103 01:23:31,215 --> 01:23:33,968 Them boys love me good, got me a part in a movie and everything. 2104 01:23:34,051 --> 01:23:35,344 I'm about to be Chucky in the new Child's Play. 2105 01:23:35,428 --> 01:23:36,929 - You took that shit? - Step back. 2106 01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:39,473 Get back before I goddamn skin your fucking lip. 2107 01:23:39,557 --> 01:23:42,435 And I signed up for a new Woody Allen movie. 2108 01:23:42,518 --> 01:23:44,437 Can't wait to see the press around that. 2109 01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:45,855 [laughs wheezily] 2110 01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:48,149 No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, come on. 2111 01:23:48,232 --> 01:23:49,942 Come on, wake up. Wake up. Come on. 2112 01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:53,404 [cries out] What? What's happening? 2113 01:23:53,487 --> 01:23:55,364 I think what you were 2114 01:23:55,448 --> 01:23:58,159 about to do was to try to convince me that even though 2115 01:23:58,242 --> 01:24:02,163 you've been impaled by a large piece of 2116 01:24:02,246 --> 01:24:05,249 restoration hardware, you want to go back in there 2117 01:24:05,332 --> 01:24:07,793 and fight some lunatic 2118 01:24:07,877 --> 01:24:12,298 who is physically superior to you in every possible way 2119 01:24:12,381 --> 01:24:15,176 because you're not just his sidekick. 2120 01:24:15,259 --> 01:24:17,178 You're his best friend. 2121 01:24:19,472 --> 01:24:21,098 You're goddamn right I am. 2122 01:24:21,182 --> 01:24:23,100 So why go through all this trouble? 2123 01:24:23,184 --> 01:24:26,103 The Swedish actor, the torture chamber. 2124 01:24:26,187 --> 01:24:29,648 You think it's easy stealing a man's identity, hmm? 2125 01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:31,108 You think it's as easy as stealing his face? 2126 01:24:31,192 --> 01:24:33,027 Well, it's not, Little Pretty. 2127 01:24:33,110 --> 01:24:34,820 It's much harder than that. 2128 01:24:34,904 --> 01:24:37,323 Had to get his goddamn fingerprints first. 2129 01:24:37,406 --> 01:24:40,201 After that, I had to take all your goddamn passwords. 2130 01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:43,537 Once I got that, I said, we get your voice ID. 2131 01:24:43,621 --> 01:24:45,372 All the other secrets that you hold, I got it. 2132 01:24:45,456 --> 01:24:46,957 I got it good. 2133 01:24:47,041 --> 01:24:49,752 So now you have everything you need to be Kevin. 2134 01:24:49,835 --> 01:24:52,213 You even removed your mole, you sick son of a bitch. 2135 01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:53,672 [Doug] Yeah, I did. 2136 01:24:53,756 --> 01:24:55,216 You know why? 2137 01:24:55,299 --> 01:24:57,218 'Cause I'm Kevin Hart. I'm Kevin Hart. 2138 01:24:57,301 --> 01:24:58,761 I got all the money in the world. 2139 01:24:58,844 --> 01:25:00,304 I got the best dermatologist in the world 2140 01:25:00,387 --> 01:25:02,014 'cause I'm Kevin Hart. [laughs] 2141 01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:03,641 Dr. Sanchez would never touch 2142 01:25:03,724 --> 01:25:04,850 that rough-ass skin of yours. 2143 01:25:04,934 --> 01:25:06,644 But she did, motherfucker. She did! 2144 01:25:06,727 --> 01:25:08,103 [Kevin] Ah, shit! 2145 01:25:08,187 --> 01:25:10,648 [all grunting] 2146 01:25:22,076 --> 01:25:23,744 No, boy. 2147 01:25:23,828 --> 01:25:26,247 Smack your ass. No, no! 2148 01:25:26,330 --> 01:25:27,873 - Ah, ah. Hold on. - What? 2149 01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:30,751 Superman punch! 2150 01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:37,508 No, not today. 2151 01:25:37,591 --> 01:25:38,884 Oh. 2152 01:25:38,968 --> 01:25:40,469 [groans] 2153 01:25:40,553 --> 01:25:42,972 [Doug] I told you. - Ah, you stupid little bitch. 2154 01:25:43,055 --> 01:25:45,891 Wasn't done with you, hmm? 2155 01:25:45,975 --> 01:25:49,728 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2156 01:25:49,812 --> 01:25:51,021 See, I got your body. 2157 01:25:51,105 --> 01:25:52,481 Doug, you ain't got to do this, man. 2158 01:25:52,565 --> 01:25:53,899 - Give me a chance. - But now-- 2159 01:25:53,983 --> 01:25:55,192 Doug, no! 2160 01:25:55,276 --> 01:25:56,735 Now I want your soul. 2161 01:25:56,819 --> 01:25:57,987 Don't take my soul. 2162 01:25:58,070 --> 01:25:59,697 I'm gonna get your fucking soul. 2163 01:25:59,780 --> 01:26:03,200 What's happened to me? What the fuck you just do to me? 2164 01:26:03,284 --> 01:26:05,828 Oh, shit. 2165 01:26:05,911 --> 01:26:07,788 Just stab me in my goddamn scapula, boy? 2166 01:26:07,872 --> 01:26:09,290 - Hey! - Huh? 2167 01:26:09,373 --> 01:26:11,333 That's a wrap on Doug. 2168 01:26:11,417 --> 01:26:14,503 Oh, got me good. 2169 01:26:14,587 --> 01:26:16,005 Motherfucker! 2170 01:26:18,841 --> 01:26:20,050 [gasps] 2171 01:26:25,139 --> 01:26:27,725 Hold on, Andre, is that the piece of wood 2172 01:26:27,808 --> 01:26:29,435 that was lodged in your side? 2173 01:26:29,518 --> 01:26:31,186 Sidekick for life. 2174 01:26:31,270 --> 01:26:33,731 No, Andre, that was supposed to stay in to stop the bleeding. 2175 01:26:33,814 --> 01:26:35,441 [Cynthia] I told him it was a dumb idea, 2176 01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:37,151 but does he listen to his mom? 2177 01:26:37,234 --> 01:26:38,402 I'd do anything for you, man. 2178 01:26:38,485 --> 01:26:40,321 Hey, hey, look at me. 2179 01:26:40,404 --> 01:26:42,197 You're the best damn sidekick I ever seen. 2180 01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,783 Alright, guys, call the cops. 2181 01:26:44,867 --> 01:26:47,953 Stay with Doug until they get here, okay? 2182 01:26:48,037 --> 01:26:50,122 I've gotta get you to the hospital. 2183 01:26:50,205 --> 01:26:51,999 This time, I'm driving. 2184 01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,837 You know, actually, I will drive. I'm gonna drive. 2185 01:26:56,921 --> 01:26:58,213 I saw the way you drove last time, 2186 01:26:58,297 --> 01:27:00,299 so I think I'll take it from here. 2187 01:27:00,382 --> 01:27:01,508 - Why don't we just-- - We'll figure it out. 2188 01:27:01,592 --> 01:27:02,843 We'll figure it out. 2189 01:27:02,927 --> 01:27:04,219 Yeah, but I'll use my feet and hands, 2190 01:27:04,303 --> 01:27:05,471 and you can sit on my lap or some shit. 2191 01:27:05,554 --> 01:27:07,389 He's in shock. I got you, buddy. 2192 01:27:07,473 --> 01:27:09,224 Keep an eye on Doug. 2193 01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:10,768 I got you, buddy. 2194 01:27:12,937 --> 01:27:15,189 [Kevin] I mean, I was foolish. 2195 01:27:15,272 --> 01:27:18,901 I let my ego run the show, and I'm honestly, 2196 01:27:18,984 --> 01:27:21,862 I'm lucky to be alive. We both are. 2197 01:27:21,946 --> 01:27:23,739 Why is he here with us again? 2198 01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:26,867 [chuckles] 'Cause he's a vital part of my team. 2199 01:27:26,951 --> 01:27:28,369 Ah, okay. 2200 01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:30,037 [Jordan] Hi, hi, hi. Sorry. 2201 01:27:30,120 --> 01:27:32,289 - Sorry I'm late. - And so is she. 2202 01:27:33,999 --> 01:27:35,292 And so are they. 2203 01:27:35,376 --> 01:27:38,087 [cheering] 2204 01:27:38,170 --> 01:27:40,714 Alright. Who is the older lady? 2205 01:27:40,798 --> 01:27:42,675 Are you talking about that gorgeous woman 2206 01:27:42,758 --> 01:27:44,718 in the back? That's my mama. 2207 01:27:44,802 --> 01:27:47,012 Mama, how's the food? 2208 01:27:47,096 --> 01:27:48,973 Oh, it's so confusing. 2209 01:27:49,056 --> 01:27:50,641 [Andre] Yeah. [Cynthia] I love it, though. 2210 01:27:50,724 --> 01:27:52,685 [Kevin] I'm not really sure what her role is yet. 2211 01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,770 We're still trying to iron out the kinks. 2212 01:27:54,853 --> 01:27:56,730 But what I do know is it takes a village 2213 01:27:56,814 --> 01:27:58,023 to operate the world of Kevin Hart, 2214 01:27:58,107 --> 01:27:59,650 and she's a villager. 2215 01:27:59,733 --> 01:28:01,026 [whispering] What's a villager? 2216 01:28:01,110 --> 01:28:02,987 Wow, Kevin, I gotta say, 2217 01:28:03,070 --> 01:28:04,530 you certainly have changed. 2218 01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:06,323 [Kevin] No, I just learned to appreciate the people 2219 01:28:06,407 --> 01:28:09,493 that matter the most in my life. 2220 01:28:09,576 --> 01:28:11,829 ♪ Lovely day lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2221 01:28:11,912 --> 01:28:16,250 Well, does that mean that you're in for Jefferson's 2? 2222 01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:19,294 Yeah. Just gotta check with my stuntman first. 2223 01:28:19,378 --> 01:28:20,879 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2224 01:28:20,963 --> 01:28:22,464 Isn't he in prison now? 2225 01:28:22,548 --> 01:28:24,633 ♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪ 2226 01:28:24,717 --> 01:28:28,220 [scoffs] He is. 2227 01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:30,973 Yeah, I don't know. It slipped my mind. 2228 01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:32,558 Ah, I forgot. 2229 01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:34,476 [laughs] 2230 01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:36,145 [Jordan] Forgot? 2231 01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:38,272 [chuckles nervously] 2232 01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:40,774 [tense music] 2233 01:28:42,443 --> 01:28:44,236 Hey. Hey, guard. 2234 01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:46,989 Guard! Hey, let me out of here. 2235 01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:48,532 I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy. 2236 01:28:48,615 --> 01:28:51,452 [Prisoner] Shut the fuck up! - I'm Kevin Hart. 2237 01:28:51,535 --> 01:28:53,871 I'm Kevin Hart! 2238 01:28:53,954 --> 01:28:56,331 [dramatic music] 2239 01:29:31,450 --> 01:29:33,911 [music continues] 2240 01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:50,302 [dramatic music] 2241 01:30:18,622 --> 01:30:20,999 [music continues] 2242 01:30:51,530 --> 01:30:53,991 [music continues] 164848