Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,739
Ah, what's up, Josh?
Hey, Nick.
2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:06,774
How was play practice?
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,077
Rehearsal.
We call it rehearsal.
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,045
Oh. And what do you do
in rehearsal?
5
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:11,779
Practice.
6
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,181
Hmm. Yeah.
Hmm.
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,815
Opening night's
in two days, baby.
8
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,783
You feel good?
9
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:16,784
I do. I still can't believe it.
10
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,186
I'm gonna be on Broadway.
11
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,420
Oh, bro, you can't say it
like that.
12
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,554
You got to do something
with your hands,
13
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:23,157
you know? Like, Broadway.
Ah.
14
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,592
Wow, you're pretty good at that.
15
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,660
Yeah, you know, I kind of find
it spices up most things.
16
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,196
You know, it's actually
how I told the residents
17
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,764
that we had bedbugs.
18
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,201
You know, I got to admit,
for the first time
19
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,568
since I moved back from L.A.,
20
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,538
I'm really excited
about my future.
21
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,807
You know what, let's
just keep that as my thing.
22
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,076
Yeah, let's do that. Okay.
Okay, yeah, that'll
be your thing. Mmm.
23
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,550
At this point, it'd be weird
to walk into my apartment
24
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,719
and not find you here.
25
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,423
Joshua, we love you
so very, very much.
26
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,358
Okay.
27
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,859
We have something to tell you.
28
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,629
It's a very sensitive
subject, and...
29
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,132
Your ex-wife's in
New York, be strong.
30
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,699
Can we go now?
31
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,767
Wait, what, Kim is in town?
32
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,835
How do you know?
33
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,070
Daddy saw it on Facebook.
34
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,773
Dad, it's been ten months
since my divorce,
35
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,109
and you're still Facebook
friends with my ex
36
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,810
I feel defriending someone
37
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,513
is a real slap in the face.
38
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,816
Plus, I can't figure out how.
39
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,220
Harry, I spent an hour
showing you how.
40
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,788
And I enjoyed our time together,
41
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,258
but I took nothing from it.
42
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,694
Please, promise me
you won't see her.
43
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:34,895
Yes, Josh, stay away.
44
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:35,896
Guys, you don't have to worry.
45
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,165
I've moved on.
46
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,566
Oh, that's what you always say.
47
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,701
Maybe before I moved on,
but not anymore,
48
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:41,869
because I've moved on.
49
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,572
Keep saying it. We
almost believe you.
50
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,141
It's okay, Josh.
Everyone has that person
51
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,343
they're powerless against.
52
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,645
Yeah, mine was Jason Leshay.
53
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,382
He sounds like a real D-bag.
54
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,483
What can I say?
55
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,551
I have a type.
56
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,754
Mine was Sheldon Black.
57
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,290
I knew he was bad for me,
58
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,825
but I always liked bad boys.
59
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,560
Obviously.
60
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:10,198
Well, Kim may have been
my kryptonite in the past,
61
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,433
but time has given me
some much-needed perspective,
62
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,834
and I've moved on.
63
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,204
And there's four.
64
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:17,638
God, Kim was the worst.
65
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,941
Yeah. I hated how she was
always criticizing you.
66
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,943
Mm-hmm.
That's my thing.
67
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,912
I always knew there'd come
a time when she'd come
68
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,848
crawling across the
country to win you back.
69
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:31,185
Is getting him back
really winning?
70
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,753
See? It's my thing.
71
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,224
Yeah. Look, I'm sure Kim
didn't come to New York for me.
72
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,425
No, she didn't.
73
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,293
She's here promoting
her new book.
74
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,928
Wait, she wrote another book?
75
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,464
Yes, a novel
called The Enemy You Know.
76
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,333
"A woman's marriage crumbles
77
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:48,202
"thanks to her husband's
dysfunctional family,
78
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,671
"headed by his
absentminded father
79
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,474
and overbearing,
controlling mother."
80
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,309
Wow.
81
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,578
That family sounds horrible.
82
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,882
Oh.
83
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,387
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
84
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,922
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
85
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:20,368
I cannot believe Kim
wrote a novel about us
86
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,902
without asking my permission.
87
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,773
Well, she left you
without asking your permission.
88
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,007
This is terrible.
89
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:27,975
I know,
it's a total violation...
90
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,943
A podiatrist. Feet?
91
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:30,978
I am a surgeon
92
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,012
in real life, and she made
93
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,947
"Andre" a podiatrist.
94
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,016
That is a huge demotion.
95
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,819
Well, it's better than being
"Joan, the passive-aggressive
96
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,389
and easily outraged
mother-in-law."
97
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,624
I am outraged.
98
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,394
She said I was pretty.
99
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:50,498
And she's pretty, so it
means more coming from her.
100
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,333
I thought you hated her.
101
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,901
Not anymore.
102
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,036
Maybe we're jumping
to conclusions.
103
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,806
These characters
aren't necessarily us.
104
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,008
Really?
"Harvey, the lawyer father
105
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,577
who's obsessed with vegetables"
doesn't ring a bell?
106
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,647
It's not me.
Everyone knows I'm a fruit man.
107
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,950
The only vegetable I really like
is the tomato.
108
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,885
Tomatoes are a fruit.
109
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,554
What?
110
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,923
Well, I'm putting this piece
of trash where it belongs:
111
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,891
in the garbage.
112
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,928
She said I had great style.
113
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,830
What a writer.
114
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,399
Podiatrist.
115
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,801
You literally cannot get
any lower
116
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,638
on the human body.
117
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,007
Oh.
118
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,810
Hey.
119
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:37,978
Hey.
Thank you.
120
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,414
Oh, I am loving Kim's book.
121
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,015
Oh, me, too.
Yeah, I just feel
122
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,084
like I'm learning so much
about the Roberts family.
123
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,586
You know, like,
before you were a surgeon,
124
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,054
did you really
want to be a podiatrist?
125
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,956
No.
126
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,625
Podiatrists are the creeps
of the medical community.
127
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,628
Even proctologists know that.
128
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,063
Well, is it true that, uh...
129
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,666
you didn't let your dad
speak at your own wedding?
130
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,000
'Cause that's cold, man.
131
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,669
What?
What?
132
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,604
Ah, damn, you didn't get
to that part yet, did you?
133
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,072
Ah, spoiler alert. My bad. No.
134
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,007
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What did she say, exactly?
135
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,409
Uh, well, let me see.
136
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,544
Hold on. Uh, okay.
137
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,013
It was somewhere back here.
138
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,115
Oh, okay. Uh, 247.
139
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,717
During Andre and Eva's wedding,
140
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,619
Andre tells Harvey
he can't give a toast
141
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,053
because the microphone's broken,
142
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,689
but that's a lie.
143
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,557
Okay? Uh, the truth is,
144
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,092
he doesn't want
his dad to speak
145
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,361
on account of him
being so long-winded.
146
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,562
Yeah, we know what
happened, Nick.
147
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,930
It's Andrew's biggest regret.
148
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,432
I was just trying
149
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,100
to protect the wedding
from what we both knew
150
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,035
would be a confusing
and meandering toast.
151
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,038
Harry wanted to speak after
dinner, before dancing.
152
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,407
And that is a critical moment.
153
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,574
People would have left early,
154
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:41,909
and then you're that wedding.
155
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,878
Ah, well, I wouldn't know
what you're talking about,
156
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,080
'cause, uh, it's impossible
to be that wedding
157
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,749
when I'm on your dance floor.
158
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,584
Oh, snap. Oh, here he goes.
159
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,820
There he goes. There he goes.
Okay, Nick, please.
160
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,555
How is that helping?
161
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,590
When Harry finds out
what really happened,
162
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:57,991
he's gonna be devastated.
163
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,827
What are we gonna do?
I-I got no choice.
164
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,563
I got to go over there
and come clean to my dad.
165
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,732
No, seriously, what
are you gonna do?
166
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,834
I'm gonna rip the page
out of his book.
167
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,673
Hello, Andrew.
168
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,908
I'm just enjoying
my new favorite fruit,
169
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,644
the tomato.
170
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,647
What part are you up to
in, uh, Kim's book?
171
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,483
Andre has just proposed to Eva
172
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,419
and taken New York's
hottest podiatrist
173
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,854
off the market.
174
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,590
Great.
Hey, you know, Dad,
175
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,525
I could really go
for one of those tomatoes.
176
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,593
Coming right up.
177
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,097
I'll bring you a napkin.
178
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,066
These babies are squirters.
179
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,943
Here you go.
180
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,584
Did you just eat
a piece of paper?
181
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,552
I did. Yeah, yeah.
182
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,787
Yeah.
183
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,555
Why?
Mm.
184
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,491
I read in a medical journal
recently
185
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,125
that, um, paper
is high in fiber.
186
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,599
I just confirmed
our dinner reservation
187
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,601
at Charlie's
for tomorrow night.
188
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,135
Did you know
that's where we went
189
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,137
after you saw
your very first show?
190
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,539
Great.
191
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,107
And now we're going there
tomorrow night
192
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,210
after your Broadway debut.
193
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,546
I just wish
Grandma were alive.
194
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,816
Such a bitch.
195
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,119
She could be,
but I still loved her.
196
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,489
No, no, no. Not Grandma. Kim.
Oh.
197
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,524
Put away that nonsense.
198
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,859
You said you were done with her.
Be done with her.
199
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,194
But the characters in her
novel are clearly us,
200
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,164
but Kelly, her character,
comes off like some kind of hero
201
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,967
while Joe and his family
are the unreasonable ones.
202
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,002
She's a terrible person.
Exactly.
203
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,539
Who didn't deserve to wear
your grandmother's ring.
204
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,708
Which is why the one I gave you
to give her was a fake.
205
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,844
It was?
206
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,712
Yes. When you find
a girl I like,
207
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:01,715
I'll give you the real one.
208
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:05,252
Oh, and now Joe is too heartless
209
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,721
to respond to Kelly's
beautifully
210
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,624
Why are you working
yourself up like this?
211
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,192
You're right. I've moved on.
212
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,628
I am putting this behind me.
213
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,534
What is wrong with you?
214
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,302
Whoa, Josh. Hi.
215
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,171
How did you know
where to find me?
216
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,272
My dad's Facebook.
He doesn't know how
217
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,307
to defriend someone.
218
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,842
And if you're gonna write
about me and my family,
219
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,678
the least you could
do is be truthful.
Aw.
220
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,312
You read my book?
Yeah.
221
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,548
And I was being truthful.
222
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,984
Really? Joe pouted after he
didn't win a Golden Globe?
223
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,186
You locked yourself
in the bathroom for an hour.
224
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,287
I ate bad shrimp.
225
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,589
And what about the letter
226
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,990
Kelly wrote to Joe
227
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,125
apologizing for being a bad wife
and leaving him?
228
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,827
I did write that letter.
No, you didn't.
229
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,028
Yes, I did.
I sent it to New York
230
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,129
right after you moved there.
231
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,230
To your parents' apartment.
232
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,298
Haven't you been living there?
233
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,767
No, I've been living next door.
Well, same thing.
234
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,135
No, it's not.
Why does everyone say that?
235
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,970
They are two
separate apartments.
236
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:57,805
Well, I did send the letter,
237
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,039
and I don't know
what happened to it.
238
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,043
I know exactly
what happened to it.
239
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,212
Because I have Joan
for a mother.
240
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,780
Oh, God.
241
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,149
Judy strikes again.
242
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,585
It's gonna be fine.
243
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,353
You ate the paper.
244
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,055
Has it worked its way...?
245
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,926
No. I guess
it's not so high in fiber.
246
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,894
Andrew.
247
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,030
Did I ever show you
248
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,031
what Mommy got me
249
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,132
for my birthday last year?
250
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,266
What is that?
251
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,334
A Kindle.
252
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,736
A Kindle?
253
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,304
Yes. It's a robot book.
254
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,641
I got to the part
about your wedding.
255
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:37,077
Turns out the microphone
wasn't broken.
256
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,280
I am so sorry, Dad.
257
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,815
Yeah, Harry, we're very sorry.
258
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,784
Why didn't you want me
to make a speech?
259
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,619
It's just that...
260
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,620
sometimes when you talk,
261
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,889
you can kind of meander.
262
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,624
You think I meander?
263
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,359
This was the voice mail
264
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,262
you left me yesterday.
265
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,397
HARRY:
Andrew, it's your dad.
266
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,800
After Josh's show,
we're going to dinner at...
267
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,301
Oh!
268
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,638
Will you look at that sunset.
269
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,406
It's an orange purple.
270
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,408
Reminds me of those ice pops
you loved as a kid
271
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,910
when we went to New Hampshire.
272
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,278
What was that lake called?
273
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,014
Lake Winnipesaukee.
274
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,415
No, that's not it.
275
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,251
There's my other sock!
276
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,821
Okay, i-it went on
for another seven minutes.
277
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,824
I'll make an effort
to be more succinct.
278
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,092
Mad.
279
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,294
Leaving.
280
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,229
Bye.
281
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,366
I cannot believe my mother
didn't give me your letter.
282
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,435
Well, we are talking about the
woman who put her married son
283
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,204
on Match.com.
284
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:42,409
So, what was in that letter?
285
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,177
Oh.
Doesn't matter now.
286
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,145
No, it does. Tell me.
287
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,015
Uh... just that I missed you
288
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,317
and I made a huge mistake
289
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,687
and wanted to give things
another shot.
290
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:54,755
Really?
291
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,023
Yeah.
292
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,859
And, unfortunately,
two nude pics.
293
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,327
Which my mother might have seen.
294
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,795
Were they tasteful?
295
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:02,796
They were not.
296
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,798
Then I'm even madder.
297
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,266
Oh, I should probably go
yell at her right now.
298
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,235
I don't want
to stand in your way.
Well, I am glad
299
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,270
we solved this mystery.
Me, too.
300
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,304
Bye.
Bye.
301
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:21,014
Ah! There he is,
Mr. Broadway.
302
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:23,784
Hey, Nick.
Hey, man, can I get
your autograph?
303
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,285
Oh, 'cause my play
opens tonight?
304
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:28,388
Uh, no, I want to sell
your ex-wife's book on eBay.
305
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,260
Wait a minute.
306
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,796
Same clothes as yesterday.
307
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:39,466
Smell of fancy
hotel shampoo.
308
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,201
Bounce in your
tiny little steps.
309
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,469
Josh, you got some last night!
310
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,271
No, no, no! I did not...
Yeah...
311
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,340
Now, don't you deny it. You
know I got that sexth sense.
312
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,076
Okay, I spent
the night with Kim.
313
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,410
But keep that
between you and me, okay?
314
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,012
There are certain people
who would not react
315
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,014
to this news with the same level
of enthusiasm.
316
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,482
I got you. Okay.
Okay.
317
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,417
Wait,
318
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,153
something's different.
319
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,422
You slept with Kim.
320
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,093
Ooh! Yes, Mrs. R! You got
that sexth sense, too!
321
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,495
Why didn't you give me
the letter Kim sent?
322
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:12,332
I'm sorry, I can't hear you
because of my enormous earmuffs.
323
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,334
Oh, you gonna want to
stay for this. Come on.
324
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,503
You had no right
to interfere.
325
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,105
I did it for your own good.
326
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,506
No, you did it
for your own good.
327
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,374
Well, they're one and the same.
328
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,277
Aw, darling, you were so happy
back in New York,
329
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,914
and I thought if you saw
that letter and those pictures,
330
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,016
she would lure you in,
like she always did.
331
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,884
Well, it was
my decision to make,
332
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,219
just like this one was.
333
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,021
Kim's coming to the show
tonight.
334
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,456
Oh...
335
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,524
What?
336
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,558
Why?
337
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,393
Because I want her there.
338
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:44,397
Well, as long
as she isn't sitting with us.
339
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,398
She's not.
340
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,533
Where is she sitting?
341
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,568
You don't like the front row
anyway.
342
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,470
:
Oh, my God.
343
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,472
That's fine.
344
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,974
This is not about me.
345
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,475
It's your opening night.
346
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,144
If you want Kim there,
347
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,812
I will suffer in silence,
348
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,247
the way I always do,
349
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,916
because I am
a wonderful marther.
350
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:06,019
Did you just say "martyr"
or "mother"?
351
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,187
Yes.
352
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,590
Mm, no, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
353
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,160
Sometimes there's an extra
bonus scene after the credits.
354
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:19,232
Eh.
Aw, damn. No,
they done. They done.
355
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,470
Harry, I think I've
done it this time.
356
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,473
Josh found out
that I threw away Kim's letter.
357
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,408
Am I a bad mother, Harry?
358
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,545
This is the part
359
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,915
where you say
I'm wonderful and perfect
360
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,984
and my boys are lucky
to have me.
361
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,187
I knew if I didn't, you would.
362
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,855
Harry, what am I supposed to do,
just sit back
363
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,191
and let Josh make
a terrible decision?
364
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,425
He's a grown-up.
365
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,060
Let him live his life.
366
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,231
This is the part where you say,
367
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,632
"You're right.
368
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,235
I'll respect his wishes."
369
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:58,438
That doesn't sound like me
at all.
370
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,944
And how great was it
371
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,146
when that beautiful and
classy woman stood up
372
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,981
and started
the standing ovation?
373
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,150
Yes, Mom. You did
a really good job.
374
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,420
Yeah, I haven't seen someone go
"Whoo, whoo, whoo!"
375
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,955
in a long time.
376
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,191
Hey, guys! Come on in!
Oh, you were awesome!
377
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,626
Aw.
Oh, Joshie.
378
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,594
Aw. Oh, darling,
you were incredible!
379
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:24,464
Yeah, bro, I can't even think
of anything snarky to say.
380
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,466
Oh, uh, Ma,
381
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,268
I think I got a little
of my makeup on you.
382
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,670
My brother just got makeup
on my mother.
383
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,539
Uh, put a pin
in that one.
384
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,208
What an amazing night.
I know.
385
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,643
It really is.
Yes.
386
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,312
All my dreams
are coming true.
387
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,614
Hi!
388
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,651
:
Oh. Hello...
389
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,653
Hi.
390
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,621
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
391
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,524
Mwah, you were amazing.
Oh, thank you
for the flowers.
392
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,993
They're beautiful.
Hi, Kim!
393
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,694
You look pretty.
394
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,629
Aw, thanks, Eve.
395
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,398
How do I look?
396
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,632
Pretty.
397
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,201
Aw! Thank you!
398
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,707
Well, anyway, I know you guys
have a big dinner to get to,
399
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,077
so... see you tomorrow?
400
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,579
Okay. Bye.
401
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,047
Nice to see you.
402
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,049
Bye, Kim.
Uh, wait.
403
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,285
Kim,
404
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,421
it was wrong of me not
to show your letter to Josh.
405
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,092
I was out of line, and...
406
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,726
I apologize.
407
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,628
What is happening?
408
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,264
Is Mom dying?
409
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,566
Thank you, Judy.
410
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,136
And you'd be more than welcome
to join us for dinner.
411
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,505
Are we all dying?
412
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:41,741
Uh, that would be
great. Thanks, Mom.
413
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,743
Okay. Sure.
Let's go.
414
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,247
Hey, Judy, since you're
in an apologetic mood...
415
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,017
Oh, lightning doesn't
strike twice, darling.
416
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:56,123
I just want to say, this is
such a great night for me,
417
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,525
and I am so happy
to be able to share it
418
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,260
with everyone at this table.
419
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,262
EVE: Aw, cheers.
Cheers.
To you, sweetheart.
420
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,663
Cheers.
Cheers.
421
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:04,697
Cheers.
422
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,399
So, what are we getting?
423
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,400
Oh, let's order a bunch
424
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,169
of stuff, family-style.
425
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,438
Yeah.
I'd actually rather
do my own thing.
426
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,606
Well, that works, too.
427
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,442
: Wait, that's
an option? For years,
428
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,444
I've been eating whatever
your mother tells me to.
429
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,280
I used to be a vegetarian.
430
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,550
Dad, how 'bout we do
the old rib eye for two?
431
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,218
No. Pass.
432
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:27,054
Chicken.
433
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,289
All right,
point taken, okay?
434
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,391
I feel horrible.
I never should have stopped you
435
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,792
from giving
your wedding speech.
436
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,361
Yeah, I bet it
would've been great.
437
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,428
Do you mean that?
438
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,563
Yes.
Yes. And I wish
439
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,031
we could go back in time
so you could...
440
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,600
Wh-Why are you standing up
and clinking your glass?
441
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,635
I remember every word.
442
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,771
Buckle up, everyone.
443
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,806
Hello, everybody.
444
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,142
First, I'd like to apologize
445
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,778
to whoever drives
a black Prius.
446
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,647
I thought those dents
would pop right out,
447
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,484
but I only made them worse.
448
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,755
When Andrew
first introduced us to Eve,
449
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,758
I thought she was a tiny man.
450
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,627
And I was okay
with it.
451
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,763
I just want my kids
to be happy.
452
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:14,134
But then I learned what
a caring, supportive,
453
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,203
brilliant little man you are.
454
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,706
I guess what I'm trying
to say is
455
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,709
there's nothing more important
than family.
456
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,745
When I looked at Judy
for the first time,
457
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,714
she felt like family.
458
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,783
And, Eve,
the first time I met you,
459
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,353
you felt that
way, too.
460
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,189
You fit perfectly
into the crazy Roberts clan.
461
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,827
And Judy and I
couldn't be more thrilled
462
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,330
that you are officially
part of it.
463
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,666
Here's to the
happy couple.
464
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,101
Aw.
465
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,170
Harry, that was
so sweet. Mwah.
466
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,872
JUDY: Darling.
Wow.
467
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,675
Yeah. That just kept going.
468
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,111
That was
a really beautiful speech.
469
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,580
Hey, let's skip dessert. We've
already done the family thing.
470
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,250
Let's go back to the hotel
and do the "you and me" thing.
471
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,119
You don't fit
into this family.
472
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,620
Thank you.
473
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,789
No, you see,
that's the thing.
474
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,126
Yes, they can be incredibly
invasive and overbearing
475
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,361
and all the other things
476
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,363
you said about them
in your book,
477
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,365
but they're my family.
478
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,134
You know,
for the past year, I've wondered
479
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,470
if I made the right choice
coming back to them.
480
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,472
And now I know I did.
481
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,806
(stifled whoop,
clears throat)
482
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,477
I... Please.
483
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,514
So, what are you saying?
484
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,317
I'm saying we were right
to end things when we did.
485
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:40,553
Well, if you
feel that way,
486
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,555
I guess I should go.
487
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,823
I think you should.
488
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,458
Bye.
489
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,360
ALL:
Bye!
490
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,199
Are you okay?
491
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,735
Yeah. I am.
492
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,404
And you know what?
493
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,339
I'm glad you never gave me
that letter.
494
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,907
Oh!
495
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,175
See?
496
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,877
I am a wonderful marther.
Yeah.
497
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,880
Did she say "martyr"
or "mother"?
498
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,216
Yes.
499
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,762
Oh.
500
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,731
Hello...
501
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:25,732
Look what I found in
our storage container.
502
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,835
This box is full of things
you never gave to us.
503
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,304
I knew this day would come.
504
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,572
It wasn't just Kim's letter.
505
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,642
A mixtape from my
summer camp girlfriend?
506
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,944
I never liked her.
507
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:42,882
My medical school
acceptance letter to Oxford.
508
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,951
Too far.
509
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,920
My favorite dress.
Oh.
510
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,523
I thought it was
a tiny tablecloth.
511
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,960
Mom, this is not
normal behavior.
512
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,329
It's true, Judy.
It's too much.
513
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,264
And it stops now.
514
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,266
You can't run
other people's lives for them.
515
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,468
I don't run other
people's lives.
516
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:05,238
I gently guide them toward being
the best version of themselves
517
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,539
they can be.
518
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,774
Well, you have to stop.
519
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,442
Especially when it comes
to my love life.
520
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,612
I have had it. And I'm sick
of having this conversation.
521
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,014
All right. I hear you.
522
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,884
I promise I will stay
out of your love life
523
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,752
from this moment forward.
524
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,788
Okay.
525
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,524
Okay. Thank you.
526
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,295
Hey, Mr. Broadway.
527
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,330
Hey, Nick.
How was last night?
528
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,831
From a career standpoint, great.
529
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,667
From a relationship standpoint,
not so great.
530
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,668
Ah.
531
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,370
What are you doing in 9M?
532
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,372
Oh, just helping your
new neighbor move in.
533
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,840
WOMAN:
Oh! Hi.
534
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:44,010
Any chance you love
unpacking boxes?
535
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,012
You're my new neighbor?
536
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,348
Did I hear "new neighbor"?
537
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,350
Oh, look at her, Josh.
538
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,918
She's darling.
539
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,920
Ask her if she's single.
540
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,922
You just promised.
541
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,925
Sweetheart, I am who I am.
542
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,960
Hello, I'm Judy.
543
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:13,506
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
544
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,508
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
545
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:18,511
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
546
00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:20,513
* La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la *
547
00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:22,515
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
548
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:24,551
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
38180
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof