All language subtitles for 9JKL.S01E08.1080p.TVShows_track4_[eng]

Guys, I was just out
walking in the park,

breathing in the crisp
autumn air,

and you know what
I realized?
How alone you are?

I was going to say
how excited I am

to be back at home
for Thanksgiving.

So, what's our plan
for Thursday?

We have a 5:00 reservation
at the Atlantic Grill.

What? We're having Thanksgiving
in a restaurant?

We've gone to a restaurant
every year

since you moved
to Los Angeles.

Mom said, and I quote,
"What's the point

of all that cooking if my
baby isn't here to enjoy it?"

To which I replied,
"Technically, I'm the baby."

Then Mom called me "fresh,"
and took away my pie.

Well, I'm back now,
and I don't want to eat

surrounded by a bunch
of strangers.

Darling, I like
restaurant Thanksgiving.

I don't have to cook,
clean, or worry about

your father taking his pants off
during the meal.

And I like treating everyone,

and giving Mom and Dad
an annual reminder

that I make
more money than you.

What about you, Dad?
You used to love

a nice, traditional
Thanksgiving at home.

I did, but then
Mommy explained why I didn't,

and now I don't.

Guys, Thanksgiving is
my favorite holiday,

and I've spent the last ten
at my ex-in-law's country club,

where half the people I met
were introduced as "colonels."

Joshie, it'll be so much fun
at the Atlantic Grill.

I'm gonna have the cod.

Yes, hello, is this the Atlantic
Grill on Third Avenue?

What are you doing?

This is Harold Roberts.

No, it's not!

I'd like to cancel our
Thanksgiving reservation.

No, hey, stop,
look at me, hey, no...
Sure, you can give it

to someone on the
waiting list.

Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.

What did you just do?

He stole my identity.

Guys, relax,
Thanksgiving at home

is gonna be so much better.

Joshie, I told you,
I'm not up for cooking.

I'll cook.

You don't know how to cook.

I know how, I just never have
the time, because I am...

EVE/JUDY:
...a working mother

I know, dear.

You should have a float
in the parade.

It's Wyatt's first Thanksgiving,
and I'd love to do it.

Wait, Eve, are you sure?

You don't have to.
You're so busy.

Are you guys saying that
to be nice,

or because you don't think
I can do it?

The second one, dear.

I'm doing it, and it's gonna be
the best Thanksgiving

you've ever tasted.

It's gonna be just
like it used to be--

the whole family together.

Watching football in our
pajamas, playing charades,

Dad going to town
on that turkey carcass,

and then moaning,
"Why didn't anyone stop me?"

Why doesn't anyone stop me?

And, of course,
we'll have Nana come.

My mother!
Your mother...

No Thanksgiving would be
complete with out Nana.

Josh, that's a great idea.

But her nursing home
is in New Jersey.

It's such a long trip for her.

Nick's working Thanksgiving.

He can pick her up
on his way into the city.

Wonderful.

Eve is cooking,
Nana's coming.

I'm gonna go scream
my excitement into a pillow.

* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *

* Come on,
won't you take me home? *

Ah.

How's our chef-to-be?

Same as when you came in here
20 minutes ago to check on me.

(chuckling)

Look, I realize sending
five e-mails

with all my preferences
may have been overkill,

and if you want to make
the stuffing without mushrooms,

that is totally okay with me.

Although mushrooms are
my favorite.

Okay.

And if you don't want
to make

both apple and pecan pie,
I totally get it.

but it wouldn't feel like
Thanksgiving without both.

You already said that
in all your e-mails.

Yes! Hey, guys,

you know how I'm always
in the hospital's

"Hot Doctor" calendar
for charity?

Yes, it's been your
birthday gift to me

for the last three years.

Well, guess what--
they have just chosen me

to be July.

(gasps)
July?!

That's the sexiest month.

Good-bye turtleneck,
hello mankini.

The photo shoot is Friday,
so you can reduce

your Thanksgiving servings
by one,

as I will now be fasting
for the next three days.

What? You're fasting
on Thanksgiving?

That's not in the spirit
of the holiday.

I have to-- the charity is
for world hunger,

so I'm starving myself
in solidarity,

but mostly so
I look shredded.

Touchdown!
That's what I'm
talking about!

Yeah!

(exhales,
stomach growls)

Andrew, is that
your stomach?

Yeah, he hasn't eaten
in 48 hours.

Dad, that is the sound
of my abs applauding victory.

Okay, up, up, up.

Mom, how come you're
not wearing pajamas?

I'm not wearing pajamas
because you invited Nana,

who has certain expectations
that are impossible to meet.

You know, for a boy
who's always made me proud...

Yeah?
That's it.

(doorbell rings)

My mother's here.

Okay, guys...

here's Nana!

NICK:
Hey, hey, hey.

That's not Nana.
That is not Nana.

That's not Nana.

It's not?

No.
No.
No.

We are so sorry.

How did this happen?

Look, man, I just said
I was there

to pick up Mrs. Roberts,
and this is who they gave me.

My last name is Robbins.

Then why didn't you
say something?

Why did you touch
my boob?

Oh, no, no.
Uh-uh.

I told you I was reaching
for your seat belt.

No...

I'll, uh...
I'll drive her back.
Thank you.

In eight hours, when
my shift is done.

She's difficult, oh...

I can't believe Nana's
not here for Thanksgiving.

No, what a terrible
mistake.

(laughing)
Oh, anyone else

in the mood for champagne?

Okay, okay.

Little Thanksgiving snafu,
but these things happen.

Yeah, yeah, you read about
these Thanksgiving kidnappings

all the time.

I'm gonna call the home

and check on my mother.

Again, so sorry.

We will have Shady Pines
send a car to take you back.

Nope, not doing that.

Excuse me?

Come closer,
I'll say it again.

(blows a raspberry)
Geez!

Oh, my God.

Why would you want
to stay?

Got nothing else to do.

But you don't know us,
and we don't know you.

My name is Iris,
I don't like people,

and there is a weird smell
in here.

Well, my name is Andrew,

and I think that smell
is you, and I'm leaving.

(door opens)

Oh-ho, you are not
gonna believe

what Josh did this time.

Don't care. It's two hours
till mealtime,

and I have to
peel, baste,

dice, and all the
other cooking words.

I thought you said
you could do it.

I thought I could,
but Thanksgiving is like

the Super Bowl of meals.

I feel like when
I'm halfway done,

Beyoncé should come out
and sing a song.

If it's so hard,
how come my mom

always made it look
so easy?

That was wrong,
I shouldn't have said that.

Look at all this stuff.

I can't do this alone.
I need help.

You don't need help,
you need a miracle.

Wow, I should stop talking.

The nursing home is
sending a van to pick up

Wrong Nana,
and my mother is

happily enjoying the buffet.

Ah, wonderful.

You know, Judy,

you seem borderline thrilled

with the mix-up.

Do I?

The last time I saw you
so happy

was when Barbara Streisand
made eye contact with you

at her concert.

For a moment, we were one.

The truth is,

I'm a bit relieved
not to have to face

a day of criticism
from your mother.

Well, you always said that
she was critical of you,

but I don't see it.

Huh.

Huh.

Well, obviously, your
brother got the looks.

What did you get?

Oh, Wrong Nana,

you remarkable curveball
to my perfect Thanksgiving.

You're a real dork,
aren't you?

Can we get an ETA
on that van?

Shady Pines said
they'll be a while.

They also said,
"Good luck."

Oh, stop grumbling.

I told you you're not
getting any food!
(door opens)

Someone wanted to say hi.

Bye.
(door shuts)

Oh, hello. Welcome
to our home.

Home is a stretch.
This place is as cold

and lifeless as my womb.

Well, which one of you wants

to take me to the crapper?

Odd.
Even.

You won, huh?

Yeah, I won.
I'm the big winner.

Oh, so, you don't think
your mother is critical?

Here we go.

This is the card she sent me
on my very first Mother's Day.

"Dear Judy,
I suppose you're trying."

See, what I'm hearing

is that she sent you a card.

How thoughtful.
Uh-huh.

And what about this note
she hand me

on our wedding day?

"Judy, you were
a beautiful bride."

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

"Please let me know
who did your makeup.

She's a miracle worker."

My takeaway is that she
feels close enough to you

to share her opinion.

And my takeaway is that she's
quite close enough to me now

where she is in New Jersey.

(door closes)

Aww.

Look at the two lovebirds
staring into each other's eyes.

Ugh, read a room.

This lady just used
our bathroom,

and, uh, I don't want
to get into it,

but you owe us two decorative
hand towels and a bathmat.

What do you mean,
she's all mine?

Who's "all mine"?

(elevator bell dings)

(stammers)

Uh, I can't do this.

I haven't eaten in two days.

My fingers are starting
to look like carrots,

and the carrots are starting
to look like fingers.

Here. I need you to blanch
these green beans.

What does "blanch" mean?
I don't know.

That's what it says in
the How to Make Food book.

Oh, it's halftime, bro.

Time to throw that ball.

Anything to get away
from this food.

I'm sorry, baby.
You deserve better,

but this is what you got.

Package delivery, ha, ha.

No signature required, ha, ha.

Okay, bye.

So you all live here,
next door to each other.

Is it an incest thing?

Or are you just a bunch
of codependent losers?

The second one.

This is what I'm talking about.

Thanksgiving. Football.
Brothers.

How great is this?

Dude, we do this, like,
once a week.

I know, but this is, like,
a moment of fun

in what has turned out to be
a nightmare of a day.

Mom and Dad are fighting,
you're fasting,

I may be an accomplice
to kidnapping an old lady

who is very unpleasant
to deal with.

Well, at least
it couldn't get any worse.

(knocking on window)

(screams)

Is it bad?

No.
Uh-uh.
No.
I don't think so.

They're lying. It's bad.

What?

Oh, my face!

I can't be in the calendar, now.
There's not a mankini

in the world tight enough
to make this okay.

It's too bad.

All you had going for you
were your looks.

Three days of starving
for nothing. Thanks, Josh.

Well, on the bright side,
you can eat Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm not waiting for dinner.

Andrew, no-- come on.

Dinner's gonna be ready
in a half an hour.

Ooh, let's order a pizza.

I just told you that my food

was gonna be ready
in a half an hour.

I know, dear, that's why
I suggested a pizza.

You complain about having

a critical mother-in-law, you're
a critical mother-in-law.

Wrong Nana, I like you.

Good. Then she can be
your second wife.

Don't get your hopes up.

For the love of God,
where's the van?

Well, while we're waiting,

anybody in the mood
for some charades?

Give it a rest.
No, Josh.

No one wants to play
your stupid game.

Just like no one wanted to
stay home for Thanksgiving.

If we'd gone to the restaurant,
my eye would be fine.

I'd still be in the calendar,

making the world a sexier place
for 31 days next July.

And I wouldn't

have had to spend
all of today cooking.

JUDY:
And if you hadn't invited Nana,

Daddy and I
wouldn't be fighting.

And we could have
kept our issue

buried deep where it belongs.

Okay, well, you know what?

Forget it.

I wanted to have
Thanksgiving at home

because I thought
it might actually be nice.

Clearly, I was wrong.

ANDREW:
Well, he has some nerve.

Yeah. He was the one
who ruined today.

I don't know
what's gotten into him.

Whatever it is,
he gets it from your mother.

People like you are
the reason I hate people.

You don't even know us.

I know you are so vain

that you care
more about

looking good
on some lame calendar

than enjoying
your ugly brother's

first Thanksgiving back home.

She's right.
Who fasts on Thanksgiving?

Oh, who are you to talk?

You and your husband
are so petty,

you've spent the whole day

squabbling over a woman who--
case closed--

is the biggest bitch
at Shady Pines.

That's my mother.

That's why I didn't say "slut."

But the point is,

all the kid wanted was to have
a nice time with his family.

God knows why.

I just realized something.

That we should've made
more of an effort?

No. The van isn't coming
'cause they don't want her back.

(door opens)

Josh, we're coming out!

Why are you announcing it?

Because it's not a good idea
to startle someone

when they're standing
at the edge of a balcony.

That's how Maureen Dannon

accidentally killed
her husband Jerry.

Well, that's what Maureen says,
but I think Jerry wanted to go.

Dude, we're sorry.

Yeah, Joshie, we were all
pretty selfish today.

Well, not me.

I spent the day slaving away
to make your food,

but yes, I agree.

They were monsters.

(chuckles softly)
Thanks, guys.

I guess I just wanted everything
to be the way it was.

Sounds like you wanted The
Beatles to get back together.

What?

People always told John Lennon

they wanted The Beatles
to get back together,

but he thought
what they really wanted

was for them to be
like they were

back when The Beatles
were a band.

Yeah.

I get that, Dad.

I just have
so many great memories

from that time
before I left for L.A.

Well, now, you can
make new memories.

With us.

Well, not just with you.

Hopefully, I'll meet someone,
have a family of my own,

and move out of the building.

Move out?

Judy, step away
from the railing.

(chuckles)

(hooting)
(laughs)

Monkey!
Yep.

Adorable monkey.

(laughter)
King Kong.

Uh, Josh.
Josh needing attention,

uh, Josh losing
the last bit of respect

his brother had for him, um...

(hooting)

Uh, Planet of the Apes?

Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Good one, Judy.

This is really fun.
Not just 'cause I'm winning.

I agree. It's great to have
Thanksgiving at home.

You see?

I guess the dork apple doesn't
fall far from the dork tree.

My turn, creeps!

Okay, Wrong Nana,

you got it.

Take it away.

Okay, movie.

Uh, three words.

First word.

"Sleep."
Sleepless in Seattle.

Sleepers.

No, has to be three words.

Maybe it's Frozen?

Three words.

She's really committing
to this clue.

(chuckling):
Yeah.

Is she okay?

How is this happening?

Uh-oh.

(yells)

(screaming)

God!
Oh!

Oh, Nana!

Oh, good Lord,
can't a woman fall asleep here

for five seconds
without getting felt up?

So it turns out an Uber to New
Jersey on Thanksgiving costs

only slightly less
than buying a new car.

But still, money well spent.

Would've been better spent if
we'd done it three hours ago.

Mm.

What was that about?

Ah, life's too short
for petty squabbles.

And Wrong Nana made me
realize something.

Your mother could've
been a lot worse.

Turkey is ready.
Thanksgiving is on.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, well, everybody, here
is Thanksgiving dinner.

It looks gorgeous.

Sure does, babe.

Eve, before we begin,

I would like to say that, uh,

Wrong Nana was right.

I can be
a critical mother-in-law.

I would like
to try to be less so.

Thank you, Judy.

(Eve sighs)

Okay, everybody, dig in.

All right.
(laughs)

So what do you think?

I think you have
accomplished your goal

of preparing food.

Yes. There is food here.

It's all over the table.

Yeah, way to go, honey.

Why didn't anyone stop me?

Well, I wouldn't say
it was traditional, Josh,

but it was a pretty great
Thanksgiving, huh?

This is exactly what I wanted.

I'm stuffed, and surrounded
by my favorite people.

(door opens)

Guess who's back, bitches!

The Uber driver returned her.
Yeah.

He said life's too short.

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *

* La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la *

* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *

* Come on,
won't you take me home? *