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1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:04,372
*
2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,277
Yes.
3
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,184
(Big Brother theme music
begins playing)
4
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,153
You see, Judy, I knew it.
5
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,521
I knew I smelled pizza.
6
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:24,458
Oh, Harry, you've got the nose
of a much younger man.
7
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,094
Honey, why didn't you
knock on our door
8
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,428
and let us know you were home?
9
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,629
Because I'm excited
to eat pizza
10
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,064
and watch Big Brother alone.
11
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,465
You know, see if I could
do it without help.
12
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,635
Son, we hear you
loud and clear
13
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,138
Good. Okay...
14
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,139
What's Big Brother?
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,573
Is it up our alley?
16
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,175
MAN (over phone):
Harry, you still there?
17
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:44,112
Oh, oh, it's Fred Bernstein.
18
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,413
I'm phone-facing him.
19
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,081
We're still here, Fred.
20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,183
We had dinner tonight
with Fred and Marsha.
21
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,219
(mouthing words)
22
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,388
We told them that you were
in the new animated movie,
23
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,723
and they want to hear
the voice.
24
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,291
Mom, I'm not in the movie.
25
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,492
They just wanted me
to audition,
26
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,094
and I have decided not to.
27
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,496
Why not?
Because it's a silly cartoon,
28
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,831
I'm getting a lot
of auditions,
29
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,233
and I'm trying to be selective.
30
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:08,202
So you're selecting
unemployment?
31
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,538
I think this one's
a winner. Fred,
32
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,174
it's like
the movie Cars,
33
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,143
but with shoes.
34
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,678
Go ahead, Josh,
be the shoe.
35
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,148
You guys aren't gonna leave
until I do the voice, are you?
36
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,115
And even then, who knows?
37
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,816
Right.
All right.
38
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,718
Hi, Fred and Marsha.
39
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,254
I'm gonna assume
you guys are there,
40
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,490
even though all I see
is ceiling fan.
41
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,392
There he is.
Welcome home, Josh.
42
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,862
Hi, guys. So I'm up
for the part of Lorenzo,
43
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,731
an Italian loafer,
and in this scene,
44
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,201
he's trying to win
the heart of Sandy, a sandal.
45
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,735
(laughing)
46
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,804
So many levels.
Yeah.
47
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,773
And I say to her...
48
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,175
(Italian accent):
"Sandy,
49
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,143
"I know we come-a from
different closets,
50
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:53,614
but I believe we can
become a pair of sole-mates."
51
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,184
Okay, show's over. Bye.
52
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,686
When you book this gig,
I'm gonna send out
53
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,189
a brag-blast e-mail.
54
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,924
Dad, do you have to send
a giant group e-mail
55
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,193
every time I'm in something?
56
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,694
I'm a proud father.
57
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,928
It's a more efficient way
58
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,198
of making our friends jealous.
59
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:13,234
Marsha didn't look jealous,
she just looked shocked.
60
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,768
No, that was her face lift.
61
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:15,903
MARSHA (on phone):
I'm still here.
62
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,638
Oh, geez...
63
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,907
Looking lovely,
as always.
64
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,243
They are so annoying.
FRED: Still here!
65
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,912
Oh, my God!
Harry, turn it off.
66
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,715
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
67
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,251
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
68
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,694
I did like Big Brother.
69
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,763
It wa up our alley.
70
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,199
And wasn't the pizza
delicious, Harry?
71
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,600
Oh, yes, it was.
72
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:47,835
I'll have to take
your word for it,
73
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,271
but I'm glad
you enjoyed my dinner.
74
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,605
Come on, Harry,
we got to send out
75
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,906
your new brag-blast.
(knock on door)
76
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,843
Guys, you are not
gonna believe this.
77
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:56,977
Andrew, tell them.
78
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,879
I am gonna be
on TV tomorrow.
79
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,515
What?
EVE:
That's right.
80
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,584
My man performed
a ground-breaking
81
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,885
heart surgery last week,
82
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,687
and he's been invited
to talk about it
83
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,956
on Wake Up New York City.
84
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,924
I love that show.
85
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,593
Cathy and Chip
make me feel
86
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,795
like I'm a part
of their family.
87
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,863
Dude, that's awesome.
88
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,431
JUDY:
Very nice.
89
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,500
And Josh is in
the new shoe movie.
90
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,870
It's like Cars.
Yeah.
91
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,739
Okay, guys,
we'll see you later.
92
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,241
What the heck?
93
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,610
They barely reacted
to your news.
94
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,745
Why do they always make
such a bigger deal
95
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,481
about Josh's stuff than yours?
96
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,483
It's probably because
he was born six weeks early
97
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,918
and had to be in an incubator.
98
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,288
Ugh, what a weasel move.
Yeah.
99
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,823
"Weasel move"? I spent
eight weeks in the ICU.
100
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,859
Yeah, Josh,
we all see you.
101
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,862
It's just 'cause
what Josh does is public.
102
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,831
My parents can't bring
their friends into the OR
103
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:51,899
to watch me perform surgery.
104
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,768
No, but they can show them
105
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,937
your TV interview.
106
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,739
I mean, if you do well,
that's totally something
107
00:03:58,772 --> 00:03:59,973
they'd want to share
with their friends.
108
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,576
What do you mean
if I do well?
109
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,645
Being on TV isn't
that easy, bro.
110
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,980
It can't be that hard.
Case in point, you do it.
111
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,583
Ooh...
All right, big shot,
112
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,051
let's pretend I'm the host.
113
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,953
Just tell me all about
the procedure.
114
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,757
And we're live in three,
two, one, go.
115
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:20,494
Well, Cathy, uh...
116
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:22,963
what is unique
about this procedure
117
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,301
is that normally, when
you enter the thoracic cavity,
118
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,702
normally you go through the...
Babe?
119
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,872
What's with the hands?
What do you mean?
120
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:35,709
You look like a T-Rex trying
to give someone a back rub.
121
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:37,678
No, I don't.
122
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,313
Yeah, you do. Try it again.
123
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:43,851
Okay, uh, what is unique
about this procedure is...
124
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:44,885
Oh, my God.
125
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,787
What am I doing
with my hands?
126
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,523
Relax, I can help you.
Fine.
127
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,859
Okay, first off, put your hands
together like this.
128
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,827
Great. All right,
now get on your knees
129
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,764
and say, "Pretty please,
I can't do this without you."
130
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,037
So let me write you
this prescription, New York,
131
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:08,376
it all starts
with a healthy heart.
132
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,445
(all talking at once)
HARRY: The camera loves you!
133
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,714
Guys, guys, stop.
Go one at a time
134
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,416
so I can bathe
in each compliment.
135
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,717
Josh, go.
136
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,719
You didn't move
your hands at all,
137
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,788
and you totally nailed
the catchphrase I gave you.
138
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,891
Well, it was the way
I said it more than the words.
139
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,626
Someone else go.
140
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,795
You were perfect, and
it's true what they say--
141
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,798
the camera does add
ten pounds of handsome.
142
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,433
HARRY: Eve,
rewind it for us.
143
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,801
I want to watch again.
144
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,936
Go all the way back
to Cathy and Chip
145
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,839
cooking that giant pancake.
146
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:42,676
Soak it in, buddy.
you deserve it.
(phone rings)
147
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,044
It's Fred Bernstein.
148
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,779
Hiya, Fred.
149
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,047
You saw Andrew on TV?
150
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,717
Well, of course.
151
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:53,721
He'd be happy to take a look
at your back moles.
152
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,089
Fred wants to phone-face.
153
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,727
It'd be rude to say no
to a fan.
154
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,763
Hey, take off your shirt,
big guy, show me what you got.
155
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,932
Thank you for helping Andrew.
156
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,934
Believe me, happy to do it.
157
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,502
Eve, do you always entertain
158
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,704
a group this large
without snacks?
159
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,008
They're all yours.
Enjoy.
160
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,048
I'm free.
161
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,883
Hell yeah!
162
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,020
Hey, guys.
163
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,856
Hey, Josh. Yo,
164
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,924
your brother was amazing on
that morning show yesterday.
165
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,926
I know.
And because of that,
166
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,728
my parents were
at his place all night.
167
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,830
Which means I got
to eat my pizza
168
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,866
and watch TV in peace.
169
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,201
Do you guys have any idea
how exciting that is?
170
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,571
Yes, because I'm 12.
171
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,506
Okay.
Yo, you know,
I always knew that
172
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,707
Andrew was a gifted surgeon,
173
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,542
but who knew
he was a TV star?
174
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,479
I did. He has
an intangible star quality
175
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,947
that you're either born with
or die trying to attain.
176
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,883
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
177
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,486
Guys, he did one little
appearance on a talk show.
178
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,153
Hey, that's how
Dr. Oz got his start.
179
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,955
Now the man flies
a private jet
180
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,624
just to buy milk.
181
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:04,758
I think you guys are getting
182
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,093
a little carried away here.
183
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,828
Andrew is not Dr. Oz.
184
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:08,929
You're right.
You're right.
Okay.
185
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,598
Hey, do you think
Andrew likes me?
186
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,032
I just get a bit
of a hot-cold vibe.
187
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,767
No idea.
All I know is
188
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,068
I've got a quiet,
empty apartment.
189
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,804
So I'm gonna go
take advantage of that
190
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,606
before Andrew's 15 minutes
of fame are up.
191
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,907
Okay.
192
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,475
But can you tell Andrew
I say hey?
193
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,910
No, actually, don't.
Don't do that.
194
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,712
Make me look needy.
195
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,946
Just tell him I said "what up?"
196
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,483
(man groans on TV)
197
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,018
Knock-knock, don't care.
Where is he?
198
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,053
Where's my star doctor son?
199
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,256
Ira Colbern has a knee rash
he wants to show him.
200
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,759
Oh, uh, Andrew's
not here right now,
201
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,561
but I'm also a doctor--
I can help.
202
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,895
Oh, that's a sweet offer,
darling,
203
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,497
but he wants to see
a real doctor.
204
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,065
You know, one who's on TV.
205
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,035
We'll call you back.
206
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,805
So, I'll send Andrew over
as soon as he gets home.
207
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:54,207
Oh, we don't want to bother you.
we'll wait here.
208
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,909
Sure.
209
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,745
What are you watching?
210
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:01,615
It's a compilation of people
getting hurt in funny ways.
211
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,283
Helps me unwind.
212
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,153
In my day, we read
something called books.
213
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,988
HARRY:
Eve...
214
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,122
why don't you have
the ingredients
215
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,924
for a Cobb salad?
216
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,826
I don't know, but
can you please keep it down?
217
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:13,994
The baby's sleeping.
218
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,929
(baby crying)
219
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,666
I can't hear you,
the baby's crying.
220
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,668
Eve, you gonna
take care of your son,
221
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,570
or do you need to see
more innocent people
222
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,937
getting kicked in the groin?
223
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,807
(baby crying)
224
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,808
(man grunts)
225
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,010
Oh, right in the nuts.
226
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,012
(man groans on TV)
227
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,113
(laughing)
228
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,683
I get it now.
229
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,755
(excited chatter next door)
230
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,259
Hey...
I'm so proud.
231
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,996
Wow... what's going on?
232
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,298
Huge news!
233
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:54,868
The response to your
brother's TV interview was--
234
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,136
go ahead, tell him--
235
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,838
Uh...
So amazing.
236
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,041
that they want him to do
a regular segment.
237
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,743
Tell him the rest.
The best par--
238
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,745
Twice a week!
239
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,615
Yep. Judy and Harry
were so excited
240
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,117
they woke Wyatt up
for the third time today.
241
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,020
(chuckles) Wow. I mean,
twice a week, huh?
242
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,623
That's more than
your show was on.
243
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,925
Yeah, seriously,
who saw that coming?
244
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,327
Well, my show was an hour
during prime time
245
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,695
on a real network.
246
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,030
Aw, you're so cute
247
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,264
when you're super
jealous of me.
248
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,000
I'm not jealous,
and don't forget
249
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,802
I'm the one who helped you.
250
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,938
Oh, right, yeah, you're
the one who helped me
251
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,940
dominate med school,
become the youngest
252
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,875
cardiothoracic fellow
in Manhattan,
253
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,078
and maintain a wrinkle-free face
in a high-pressure profession.
254
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,914
Boys, stop it.
We all know where
255
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,950
that skin came from.
256
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:47,054
I can't believe we have two
TV stars in the family.
257
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,657
Well, one current
and one former, right?
258
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,224
I'm still a TV star.
259
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,794
Blind Cop just started
airing in Bosnia.
260
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,395
Bosnia?
261
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,731
Haven't those people
been through enough?
262
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,733
All right, I'm...
263
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,873
There he is, the star
of the building.
264
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,776
Oh, stop.
No, I'm talking to this
tall glass of famous.
265
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,944
What up, Dr. A?
266
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,046
Yo, I saw your segment today,
267
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,948
and I'll be damned
if you didn't make
268
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,950
spider veins sound sexy.
269
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,251
I like you.
270
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,654
I knew it!
Hey, hey, hey,
271
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,122
let me get those for you.
272
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,957
I want to see what
famous people eat.
273
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,962
Yeah, hey, listen,
I changed my mind
274
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,731
about that shoes movie.
275
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,365
I'm gonna audition for the voice
of the Italian loafer,
276
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,935
(Italian accent):
and I'm-a gonna crush it!
277
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,906
I wonder if Dr. Oz has
a less successful brother.
278
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:50,083
(Italian accent): You went one
step too far, Dr. Martens.
279
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,419
And that is why
you will always be
280
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:56,056
my arch nemesis.
281
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,391
That was great, Josh.
282
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,994
You really embodied
the spirit of Lorenzo.
283
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,329
Well, when the shoe fits.
284
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,833
And, uh, it fit pretty well,
right?
285
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,901
Absolutely. That was fantastic.
286
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,703
So...?
287
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:13,907
So... thank you.
288
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,143
No problem, no problem.
289
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,278
I, uh, I guess
I'll be hearing from you.
290
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,814
Maybe.
291
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,750
Cool, cool, cool.
292
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:25,285
I get that you can't tell me,
but gun to your head,
293
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,720
if you had to say...
294
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,056
I really can't say.
295
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,158
And you don't have a gun,
do you?
296
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,993
Of course not, of course not.
297
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,395
Put it this way, if it were
up to me, you'd get it.
298
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,864
Is it up to you?
299
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,832
No, not at all.
300
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,001
Oh. Thank you.
301
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,006
Hey, guess what?
302
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,308
I just had one of the best
movie auditions of my life.
303
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,943
Whoop-de-doo.
304
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,745
What's wrong with you?
305
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,480
Your parents won't leave.
They never leave.
306
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,916
They just sit there and wait
for Andrew to come home.
307
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,351
Your father
scratches his parts
308
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,921
and tugs at his things
like I'm not even there.
309
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,490
This isn't even
garbage, Josh.
310
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,425
It's groceries
that I just bought
311
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,894
that I'm now
pretending to throw out
312
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,962
just to get a break
from your parents.
313
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,298
I feel your pain,
but I don't miss it.
314
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,534
I hope you get the movie.
315
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,904
That would get your parents
back over to your place.
316
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,807
Yeah, I guess it would,
but I still want it.
317
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,809
(laughs)
Bye-bye.
318
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,980
Harry, get your hands
out of your pants.
319
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,182
I have some exciting news.
320
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,486
Congratulations, Josh.
321
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,388
Eve told us
you got the shoe movie.
322
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,957
She did?
She did.
323
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,458
Why did she do that?
324
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,860
Because she knew they'd
want to come in here
325
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,995
and celebrate right away.
326
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,897
And of course we would.
327
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,866
They're all yours. Enjoy.
328
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,935
See ya!
329
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,202
Look, Mom, Dad,
330
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,938
the truth is, I...
331
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,439
Hey, guys,
what's going on in here?
332
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,976
What the hell is that?
333
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,078
Someone in my fan club made it.
334
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,580
Wow, a fan club!
335
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,850
Yeah, they call themselves
Fandrews.
336
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:07,087
And it is straight-up
Fandrewmonium out there.
337
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,990
What about you, Josh?
338
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,159
Have the reviews come in
from Bosnia?
339
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,994
He doesn't care about that.
340
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,896
He just got the part
in the shoe movie.
341
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,364
He did?
342
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,867
Uh-huh.
343
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,435
This calls for a
celebratory dinner.
344
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:26,339
Absolutely. Look at my two
beautiful boys doing so well.
345
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:30,177
I'm so proud of myself
as a mother.
346
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,483
This is a big night for us.
347
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,119
We're celebrating
our two brilliant sons.
348
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,989
Absolutely. No matter how
accomplished they are,
349
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,224
they still make time
for their parents.
350
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,525
(cell phone buzzes)
351
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,160
Ooh, uh, excuse me, guys.
352
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,864
Hey, what's up?
353
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,465
Oh, God, no.
354
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,867
What?
355
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,035
Okay, thanks.
356
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,469
I didn't get the part.
357
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,537
They're giving it
to James Franco.
358
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,072
Oh, I love him.
359
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,875
Yes, that's why
I'm telling you
360
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,610
because I know you're a fan.
361
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,879
Thanks to your lie,
I'm now a total fraud.
362
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,080
Maybe it won't come up.
363
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,581
How could it not come up?!
Shh.
364
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,250
It's the entire reason
we're having the dinner.
365
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,186
I'd like
to propose a toast.
366
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,922
To our wonderful...
367
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,056
Thank you, Harry.
368
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,626
I still remember
the magical night
369
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,029
when you two boys
came into this world.
370
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,596
Joshie,
371
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,034
when the nurses came by
to see your adorable little body
372
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:30,537
wrapped in a tangle
of wires and machines
373
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,974
they'd say,
"You're one lucky little boy,"
374
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,976
to have such a strong mother.
375
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,546
And then, Andrew,
376
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,515
born the size of a two-year-old.
377
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,418
With a full set of teeth.
378
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,222
The doctor took one
look at you and said,
379
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,959
"It's a miracle your mother
survived your birth."
380
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,527
To our boys.
381
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,929
Guys, I need
to tell you something.
382
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,998
Oh, look who's here.
Ellie Zimmerman.
383
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,366
She's always bragging
384
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,401
about her son and
his hedge fund.
385
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,370
My news is gonna kill
her. What a night.
386
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,005
I'm gonna invite
her over. Yoo-hoo!
387
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,106
Eleanor!
388
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,674
Mom, stop.
389
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,142
I didn't get the part.
390
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,377
HARRY:
Oh.
391
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,478
What?
392
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,679
They gave it to James Franco.
393
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,314
Oh, you love him.
394
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,016
I do.
395
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,151
But I thought you
already got it.
396
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,519
Eve said...
Yes, she did.
397
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,454
She said that because...
398
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,992
Because you haven't left our
apartment in over a week.
399
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,093
I just needed a break.
400
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:29,029
A little of you
goes a long way.
401
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,730
Thank you, darling.
402
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:34,267
Joshie, why did you lie?
403
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,369
I mean, Eve lying, sure,
who's surprised by that,
404
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,470
but you?
405
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,540
I don't know, I just...
406
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,674
(sighs)
407
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,976
I'm supposed to be the TV guy
408
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,444
and you're the doctor.
409
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,013
And now all of a sudden
you're on TV every week...
410
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,447
Twice a week.
411
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,682
...and shoving it
in my face like that
412
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,985
and I just wanted something
to shove back.
413
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,620
So typical.
You couldn't let me
414
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,022
have the spotlight
for two seconds.
415
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,156
You wouldn't even be
in the spotlight
416
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:56,990
if I hadn't helped you.
417
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,026
Maybe you should've
helped yourself.
418
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:02,029
Then you would've gotten the job
of a talking flip-flop.
419
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,396
It wasn't a flip-flop.
420
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,033
It was a loafer and he was
100% Italian leather.
421
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,535
Well, they went
with 100% James Franco.
422
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,271
I can't wait to take Wyatt
to see it.
423
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,405
(Italian accent):
He's-a gonna love it!
424
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,708
"Hi, Cathy. I'm Dr. Weird Hands.
425
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,744
Welcome to Jurassic Hospital."
426
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,380
Doctor stuff. I'm a doctor.
I don't talk like
that. Nice hair.
427
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,715
Boys, boys, boys, stop it.
428
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,684
Please, stop.
429
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:25,752
Doesn't matter, Harry.
430
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,155
Ellie Zimmerman's
already seen it.
431
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,399
(grunts)
432
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,701
(grunts)
433
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,703
You got something to say to me?
434
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,106
No. You got something
to say to me?
435
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,007
Nope.
436
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,454
Ow! My doctor hands!
437
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,589
Oh, God, Andrew, I'm so sorry.
438
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,391
Ha-ha, you said it first.
439
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:13,066
You know what, I
actually am sorry.
440
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,601
You're my brother
441
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,536
and I wasn't happy for you.
442
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,804
I mean, something
is wrong with me.
443
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,772
I'm, like, a terrible person.
444
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,142
There's nothing
wrong with you.
445
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,277
When good stuff happens to you,
I'm not always happy.
446
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,779
Oh, come on. You're just saying
that to make me feel better.
447
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,648
No, bro.
448
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,450
When you booked Blind Cop,
449
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,186
I wolfed down
an entire sheet cake.
450
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,154
Really?
451
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,755
Big time.
452
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,824
And when it got cancelled,
453
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,827
let's just say nine months
later, you had a nephew.
454
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,130
Do you remember
when we were little
455
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,797
and we went up to visit
Uncle Pete in Syracuse
456
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,533
and you beat me
in that swimming race?
457
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,668
Yeah, yeah, I was so
tired I almost drowned.
458
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,670
I tried to drown you.
459
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,672
No. No, you saved me.
460
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,475
No. I held you under.
461
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,777
(laughs)
That's hysterical.
462
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,746
Why?
463
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,648
Why do you think
we're like this?
464
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:02,815
It's probably
'cause every time
465
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,351
something great
happened to you,
466
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,119
Mom would force me
to celebrate it.
467
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,820
Yeah, yeah, she did
that to me, too.
468
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,757
Do you remember, she used
to put both our report cards
469
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,492
on the refrigerator
so we always had to see
470
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,593
how well the other one
was doing?
471
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,861
Yes, yes.
472
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,363
Good evening.
473
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:17,864
This is all your fault.
474
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,566
Yeah, we're
on to you, lady.
475
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,568
Yeah, you're the reason
we're so competitive.
476
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,835
All the newspaper clippings.
477
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,337
And his good reviews.
478
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,206
And the report cards
taped on the fridge.
479
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,407
Why would you do that?
480
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,843
Let me ask you something.
481
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,845
What happened
when you saw
482
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,415
your brother's report
card next to yours?
483
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,717
I got mad 'cause
his was better.
484
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,553
Uh-huh.
485
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,888
And what did you do?
486
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:45,358
I got straight As
the next semester.
487
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,394
And what did you do?
488
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:52,265
Worked even harder the semester
after that and crushed it.
489
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:57,804
So now I have a brilliant doctor
and a gifted actor.
490
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,840
Was there something you boys
wanted to say to me?
491
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,280
Thank you, Mom.
Sorry, Mom.
492
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,683
Now, here's an article
on Ellie Zimmerman's son.
493
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,386
I want him outdone
by Mother's Day.
494
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,698
Josh has huge news.
495
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,234
Go ahead, tell him.
496
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,601
Well, I...
Oh, he got a call
497
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,770
from the casting director
of the shoe movie.
498
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,505
Go ahead, tell
him what she said.
499
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,941
She said that...
James Franco doesn't
want to do it,
500
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,976
so they gave the part
to your brother.
501
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,044
He's gonna be
502
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,980
an Italian loafer, coming
to a theater near you.
503
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,949
I have to go and help your
father with a brag-blast.
504
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,852
Very exciting.
505
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,788
Congrats, bro. That's awesome.
506
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,590
Thanks, man, but I
couldn't have done it
507
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,592
if you hadn't been
so awesome first.
508
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,660
You good?
509
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,428
Ah, not really.
510
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,297
They cancelled my TV segment.
511
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:01,534
Apparently, Chip felt threatened
by my chemistry with Cathy.
512
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,936
Oh, man, I'm so sorry
to hear that.
513
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,838
That's... ugh.
514
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,376
Terrible.
515
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,944
Are you smiling?
516
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,913
No, this is terrible.
Yeah, I'm, yes, you are.
517
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,616
What do you...
You are totally
smiling right now.
518
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,851
I am not smiling.
This is hard for both of us.
519
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,289
You are seriously
loving this right now.
520
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,424
I really am. I am.
521
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:25,892
(sighs)
522
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,761
But I want to say...
523
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,497
I'm always rooting for you
to do well.
524
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,434
Just not better than me.
525
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,337
Right back at you, bro.
526
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,973
Hey, where's your,
uh, Fandrew cutout?
527
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,842
Oh, I found a really good home
for him.
528
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:43,976
So, you want
to go clubbing tonight
529
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,978
or just chill at my place?
530
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,716
Cool. Clubbing it is. Let's go.
531
00:20:56,889 --> 00:21:00,860
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
532
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,895
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
533
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,900
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
534
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,370
* La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la *
535
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,905
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *
536
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,408
* Come on,
won't you take me home? *
37873
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