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1
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:07,173
[ THUNDER ]
[ LAUGHING ]
2
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,086
IT'S ALIVE!
3
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,606
[ TOGETHER ]
ONE, TWO, THREE.
4
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,207
HA, PAPER BEATS FACE.
5
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:43,376
[ TOGETHER ]
ONE, TWO, THREE
6
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,145
ROCK PUNCHES NUTS.
7
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,280
[ TOGETHER ]
ONE, TWO, THREE.
8
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:49,783
YO, SCISSORS IN YOUR ANUS!
9
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:50,850
I HATE THIS GAME.
10
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:54,354
OUR CARE BEAR FRANCHISE IS
ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE.
11
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,756
CORRUPTED
BY IMPURE CREATURES
12
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,925
THAT LEECH OFF
OUR SUNSHINE LAND.
13
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:02,429
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE,
ABOUT THE CARE BEAR COUSINS.
14
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:03,530
CARE BEAR COUSINS SUCK!
15
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,533
I MIGHT BE LOVE A LOT BEAR,
BUT I CAN HATE A LOT TOO.
16
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:09,803
WE CAN NO LONGER IGNORE
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.
17
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:12,338
DID I MISS SOMETHING?
18
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,240
WE MUST SEND THEM ALL
TO THE GREAT
19
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,576
CLOUD KEEPER IN THE SKY.
BEDTIME BEAR.
20
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,345
Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TIME
IT IS, IT'S BEDTIME!
21
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,347
AND BY BED
I MEAN ETHNIC,
22
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,515
AND BY TIME,
I MEAN CLEANSING.
23
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:27,253
[CHANTING]
CARE-A-LOT!
CARE-A-LOT!
24
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,420
STOP!
25
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:31,825
WHOA, FAMOUS CARE TAKER
DON CHEADLE.
26
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,426
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS,
27
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:35,527
I BUILT A HOTEL WHERE
THE COUSINS CAN BE SAFE.
28
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,530
YEAH, WE CAN KEEP
THE CORPSES IN THERE!
29
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,233
NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT
I MEANT AT ALL.
30
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,436
I LOVED YOU IN SWORDFISH
MR. CHEADLE.
31
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,771
CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
32
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,140
AH, OK.
33
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,808
I'M LOTS-OF-LAUGHS BEAR,
34
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,944
AND I'VE GATHERED YOU
ALL HERE TODAY,
35
00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:54,214
FOR A SPECIAL HAPPY CELEBRATION.
36
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,183
[LAUGHING]
37
00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,487
IF IT'S A SPECIAL
HAPPY CELEBRATION,
38
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,990
THEN WHY AM I CRAPPING
A LOAD IN MY DRAWERS?
39
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,395
WE DID IT!
40
00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:11,664
WE KILLED ALL
THE CARE BEAR COUSINS!
41
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:13,299
HOORAY FOR MURDER!
42
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:16,636
NOW LET US CELEBRATE
OUR GENOCIDE.
43
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,471
GET YOUR PARTY ON!
44
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,774
EVERYONE, EAT SOME RAINBOW!
45
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,711
HMM, THAT'S GOOD RAINBOW.
46
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,746
[THUNDER]
47
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,548
[BLEEP-BLEEP]
48
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,484
IT'S THE GREAT CLOUD KEEPER
IN THE SKY!
49
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,353
CARE BEARS, I HAVE
WATCHED YOUR ACTIONS
50
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,655
WITH GREAT DISPLEASURE.
51
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,491
BUT WE PURIFIED THE LAND
OF CARE-A-LOT.
52
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,059
FOR YOUR DARK
AND TERRIBLE DEED,
53
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:43,730
I SHALL TURN CARE-A-LOT INTO
A DARK AND TERRIBLE PLACE.
54
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:45,465
A HELL ON EARTH.
55
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:47,800
I SHALL TURN CARE-A-LOT INTO...
56
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,569
NEW JERSEY.
57
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,938
NO!
58
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,509
HELLO, I'M NEW JERSEY'S GOVERNOR
JON CORZINE.
59
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,578
I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED
THIS REENACTMENT
60
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,613
OF OUR STATE'S
PROUD HISTORY.
61
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,148
THE GARDEN STATE,.
62
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:05,785
COME GET IN
ON SOME OF THIS RAINBOW.
63
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:26,773
DID YOU GET IT?
64
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,575
HEY, NICE SHOES.
65
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,978
BUT THEY'D LOOK
MUCH BETTER IN MY PANTS.
66
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,746
WAIT.
67
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:35,415
I MEAN,
ARE YOU FROM HEAVEN?
68
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:38,985
'CAUSE I'VE GOT AN ERECTION.
69
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:45,558
[THUNDER]
70
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:46,960
AH, ROB SCHNEIDER.
71
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:49,996
IF HE WASN'T SO HANDSOME,
I WOULD STOP SEEING HIS MOVIES.
72
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,765
DON'T YOU AGREE,
LITTLE HEIMLICH?
73
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,401
YEAH, PAPA.
74
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,507
AH, LOOK OUT,
MY PAPA!
75
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,242
[CHOKING]
76
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,912
PAPA!
77
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,817
PAPA!
78
00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:14,120
AHHH!
79
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:18,658
AND PUNCH AND KICK
AND PUNCH AND KICK
80
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,059
AND PUNCH AND KICK
81
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:21,928
AND JAZZ HANDS,
AND PUNCH
82
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,330
AND GOOD. GOOD,
YOUNG HEIMLICH.
83
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,398
YOU ARE
LEARNING VERY FAST
84
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:28,101
ARE YOU READY TO FACE
YOUR DEEPEST FEAR?
85
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,903
YEAH!
86
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,674
HE'S CHOKING!
HE'S A GONER, HEIMLICH.
87
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:38,411
NEIN, HE'S PRACTICE.
88
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,780
HI-YAH!
89
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,418
HEIMLICH,
THAT MANEUVER
90
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,220
IS THE KEY
TO YOUR GREATNESS!
91
00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:50,423
YOU ARE READY.
92
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,329
[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]
93
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,431
[ LAUGHS ]
94
00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,999
THE CHOKER.
95
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,869
HIS PORTIONS ARE
ALWAYS TOO BIG.
96
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,805
HEIMLICH,
DO THE MANEUVER!
97
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,780
HEIMLICH, HOW CAN
WE EVER THANK YOU?
98
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:15,481
NEED BRATWURST AND BEER.
99
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,584
AND THIS IS HOW I,
JOE SCHUMACHER, SEE IT.
100
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:22,121
IT'S ALWAYS SAUSAGE
WITH YOU, ISN'T IT?
101
00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:24,590
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.
102
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:28,928
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.
103
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,032
MARY HAD A --
104
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,902
[scratching]
LI-LI-LITTLE LAMB.
105
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:43,776
RICKY, THE DOCTORS
SAY THE ACCIDENT
LEFT YOU MUTE.
106
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,478
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS?
107
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:49,182
IT MEANS YOU CAN'T
TALK NO MORE.
108
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:50,750
BUT JUST BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T TALK
109
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,919
DON'T MEAN YOU
CAN'T COMMUNICATE.
110
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,253
LOOK WHAT I GOT YOU!
111
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,557
YOU'LL WEAR THIS
EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
112
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,893
KICK IT OVER HERE,
HI MY NAME IS RICKY!
113
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,363
NICE JOB ON DEFENSE,
HI MY NAME IS RICKY.
114
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,832
YOU SUCK.
115
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:08,968
YOU SERIOUSLY
[BLEEP] SUCK, DUDE.
116
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,575
RICKY, THE DOCTORS SAY
117
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,543
THE ACCIDENT LEFT YOU
MOSTLY DEAF.
118
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,178
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS?
119
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,047
I SAID, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS?
120
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,616
WELL ANYWAY, THIS IS
JUST ANOTHER CHALLENGE,
121
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:24,851
HUH, CHAMP-O?
122
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:27,887
I GOT YOU
THESE HEARING AIDS.
123
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:32,391
HEY, NICE HUSTLE,
HELLO I'M HEARING
IMPAIRED!
124
00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:38,030
YOU KINDA SUCK,
HELLO, I'M HEARING IMPAIRED.
125
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:45,204
RICKY, THE DOCTORS
SAY THE ACCIDENT
126
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,472
AFFECTED YOUR BRAIN.
127
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,541
WE DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS YET,
128
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:52,879
BUT I GOT YOU THESE
GOOGLY-EYE GLASSES.
129
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,115
WE WON, HOWDY, I HAVE
BRAIN DAMAGE!
130
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,451
THREE CHEERS FOR
HOWDY I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE!
131
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:01,320
HIP HIP HOORAY!
HIP HIP HOORAY!
132
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,589
WOW, THAT WAS
REALLY SOMETHING.
133
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,625
WHICH KID
IS YOURS?
134
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:08,161
THAT FAT
ASIAN KID.
135
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:10,263
OH, MY GOD!
136
00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:13,866
JEFFREY, WE'RE OUT
OF ICE CREAM!
137
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:27,747
LOOK, POTTER, I TAUGHT
THE SORTING HAT A NEW TRICK.
138
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,048
VIRGIN!
139
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,784
LOOKS LIKE POTTER IS
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE LAID.
140
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,854
GUESS THE MONSTER PUBERTUS
141
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,622
HASN'T CAUGHT UP
WITH YOU YET.
142
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,358
PUBERTUS IS JUST
A MYTH, MALFOY.
143
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,560
SECOND BASE.
144
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,428
CLASS, TODAY WE'LL
BE LEARNING SPELLS
145
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,164
WHICH GIVE OBJECTS
THE PROPERTY OF WOOD.
146
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,832
PROPERTY OF WOOD?
147
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,268
THAT'S HAPPENING
TO ME RIGHT NOW.
148
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,603
PUBERTUS!
149
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:54,373
PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE,
I THINK THE MONSTER
PUBERTUS HAS CURSED ME.
150
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,707
YO.
WHO ARE YOU?
151
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,909
AW, HARRY,
IT'S ME, DOUBLE DOUGH.
152
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,245
BUT DUMBLEDORE
ISN'T --
153
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,280
LISTEN, I'M A DIFFERENT ACTOR
IN EVERY MOVIE.
154
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:04,350
HERE, THIS MIGHT AGE YOU.
IT WAS YOUR DAD'S.
155
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,751
IT'S ENGRAVED.
156
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,720
"THIS HANDY STONE
FITS IN YOUR PALM,
157
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,389
BUT ONLY HEAT
WILL TURN IT ON."
158
00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:12,058
I KNOW WHAT TURNS ME ON --
159
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:14,327
HALLE BERRY IN SWORDFISH.
160
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:15,761
DVD-US PAUSES.
161
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,964
OH, NO.
WHAT IS IT, RON?
162
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:21,000
THE MONSTER PUBERTUS
HAS CURSED ME, TOO.
163
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,169
HE'S EVEN CURSED SCABBERS.
164
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,270
ALL RIGHT,
YOU CAN STOP NOW.
165
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,639
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
LET'S ASK
HAGRID FOR HELP.
166
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:28,307
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, HERMIONE.
167
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,343
WE NEED TO CONFRONT
THE TERRIBLE HORROR OURSELVES,
168
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:33,578
AND POTENTIALLY END UP
HOSPITALIZED, LIKE ALWAYS.
169
00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:35,681
ALL RIGHT, JUST FINISH.
170
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,216
PROFESSOR SNAPE,
HARRY AND RON
171
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,518
HAVE BEEN CURSED BY
THE MONSTER PUBERTUS.
172
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:40,753
PUBERTUS, EH?
173
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:45,324
LET'S DISCUSS THIS FURTHER
IN MY MAGICAL JACUZZI.
174
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:48,327
BARRY WHITUS, CANDLELIGHTUS,
175
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,696
GIRL EXCITE-US.
176
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:53,432
[ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
177
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,134
SO, SHALL WE PLAY
178
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,803
PUT THE SORTING HAT
ON THE SLYTHERIN?
179
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,538
PEDIFILIUS REPELLUS.
180
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:03,276
ACCORDING TO LEGEND,
PUBERTUS LIVES IN
THIS DUNGEON.
181
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,177
HARRY, I'M SCARED.
182
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:07,079
YOU'RE ALWAYS SCARED,
YOU CHICKEN [BLEEP].
183
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,383
I CAN'T HELP IT!
I'M A SCARED, PIMPLE-FACED,
184
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,318
RED-HEADED
CHICKEN [BLEEP] VIRGIN!
185
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,554
RON, SHUSH! DO YOU
HEAR THAT NOISE?
186
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,690
All: PUBERTUS!
187
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,892
HORMONUS
CONTROLLUS!
188
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,961
ONLY HEAT WILL
TURN IT ON.
189
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:25,231
I MUST HAVE
TO RUB THE STONE.
190
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,969
IT WORKED!
191
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:30,836
[ ROARS ]
192
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,873
QUICKLY HARRY,
RUB IT OUT AGAIN.
193
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:42,448
HARRY, RUB ANOTHER ONE
OUT QUICKLY!
194
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,150
I'M RUBBING AS HARD AS I CAN,
195
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:46,352
AND THE STONE IS
GETTING ALL CHAFED.
196
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,187
HARRY, I FORGOT TO EXPLAIN.
197
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,589
THE RUBBING STONE
CAN ONLY BE USED
198
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,491
THREE TIMES IN A DAY.
199
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,860
FOUR IF YOU TAKE A WEEK OFF.
200
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,796
THEN HOW DO WE
DEFEAT PUBERTUS?
201
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,198
MAN, YOU CAN'T DEFEAT PUBERTUS.
202
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,666
HE LIVES INSIDE Y'ALL.
203
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,069
JUST AS MY OWN DEMON,
WANDUS LIMPUS,
204
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:07,640
PREVENTS ME FROM HAVING
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS.
205
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,280
CAPTIONING PROVIDED
BY TURNER STUDIOS
206
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,249
♪ [ CLUCKING ] ♪
13161
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