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[instrumental music]
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{\an8}[Curtis Mayfield
singing "Move On Up"]
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♪ Hush now child... ♪
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[Kevin] I mean, I'm 30,000
feet in the air, right?
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00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,175
They're saying, Kevin,
come on, please.
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Kev, you got to put
on the parachute.
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Everybody's going,
please, please, Kev.
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At this point,
they're begging me.
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Tell me that the story ends
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with you wearing the parachute.
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Absolutely fucking not, no! No!
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00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,937
No, I wanted to be
authentic. Right?
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00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,481
- It's got to be real.
- Yeah.
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00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:06,733
You know what Tom Cruise
calls parachutes? Diapers.
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Is that because they fill
up when you're falling?
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No. Tom told me, he said, Kevin,
they put me in a parachute,
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they might as well put a diaper
on me and send me to pasture.
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Look, Kevin... you know,
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based on the success
of the first one,
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we see massive franchise
potential with The Jefferson's.
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And you know, your agent just
keeps saying that you might
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be waffling on doing a sequel.
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And I'm just here to ask,
is it about the money?
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Look, Deb, The Jefferson's
is amazing, right?
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We did amazing work there.
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But I'll be honest,
when I walk on that set,
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I feel like I'm being babysat.
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I mean, they give me
goddamn stunt coordinators.
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I have... I have stage managers,
uh, wires, green screens.
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Yes, a... and somehow, you
still manage to jump out
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of an airplane without a chute.
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I wasn't telling the truth
when I told you that,
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but I forgot to say I was lying.
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So let's take a pause, right?
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Put a pin in that,
so you understand
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that wasn't the truth.
I had to make that up.
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I was pretending.
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But you know why
I got to pretend?
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Because I'm not a
real action star, Deb.
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00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:03,873
Kevin, you took a sitcom
about a dry cleaner,
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00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,084
and you turned him into
motherfucking Jason Bourne.
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Okay? You are a
real action star.
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00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,047
- No, not yet.
- Not yet?
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No. But I will be.
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When you fund my next project.
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Okay.
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Deb, now, look, what I'm
about to tell you is going
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to seem crazy at first,
but I promise you,
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if you give it a
chance, you'll get it.
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- Close your eyes.
- Okay.
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Deb, I want you to picture
yourself going up a mountain.
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[glass breaking]
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[guests screaming]
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[Man 1] On the
ground! Let's go!
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[grunts]
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Alright, you rich assholes!
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[gunfire]
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Wallets, Rolexes, jewelry!
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All your fancy shit!
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- What is taking so long?
- Put it in the bag!
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Let's go!
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[whispering] Just
stay calm. Stay calm.
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[Man 2] Everything
shiny! Let's go!
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[gunfire]
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Get it in the bag! Let's go!
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[whispering] They're
coming this way.
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I don't have all day here!
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[whispering] Shit,
shit! Shit, shit, shit!
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Trying to hide, little man?
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The fuck did you just call me?
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Bet you got a big wallet
for such a little man.
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Now, put it in the bag!
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You want my wallet? Huh?
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Get back. I got this.
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[whispering] You got what?
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- I want your gun!
- Shit!
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You believe this fucking clown?
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[grunting]
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Give me your gun!
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[gasps]
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Whoa.
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You're just going to be
the first man in history
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to shoot somebody
with a safety on?
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- What?
- Huh?
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[grunting]
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I don't like guns.
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Oh, shit!
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[groans]
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- Not enough.
- God damn it.
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Shit.
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00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,243
[yells]
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00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,797
Nice to beef you, motherfucker.
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00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,383
[applause]
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Hey, it's not about
me. It's about you.
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I'm glad everybody's safe.
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00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,810
It's a crazy world
that we're living in.
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00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,270
- A lot of nut jobs out here.
- Oh, Kevin!
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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,482
Kevin? What just happened?
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Real goddamn action!
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That's what just happened.
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- Okay.
- Real fucking action.
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That's the adrenaline
that I want audiences
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across the globe to feel, Deb.
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This... this was all staged?
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00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,831
Yeah! All of it.
They're actors.
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00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,040
I just wanted to give you
a little taste of what
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our movie was about, right?
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00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,043
This is the movie that
we're going to make.
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00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,713
So what I did was, I
brought an outline, right?
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00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,506
A little rough outline
to give you a little idea
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about what we're going to do.
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- Oh, boy.
- Right?
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00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,302
The world of our movie lives
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00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,263
in improvised action.
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00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,057
It's spontaneous ass-whoopins.
That's what this is about.
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00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,560
That guy spontaneously
hit you with a gun.
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[Kevin] You're
talking about Larry?
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Larry! Hey! You got me good.
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- I'm gonna feel that one.
- Yeah, you are.
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You goddamn right.
[chuckling] Fucking Larry.
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You're not well. Oh,
no, you're not well.
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[Kevin] This is about
me getting a respect
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00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,032
that I deserve as
an action star, Deb!
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00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,325
[Deb chuckles]
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00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,495
What is it that you
want me to say here?
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00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,747
[Kevin] What do I
want you to say?
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Deb, I want you to
say, I'll do it!
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My answer is no. Never.
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This is never going to happen,
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not at my studio or
anyone else's. No.
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[Kevin] Please?
- No.
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00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,925
[Kevin] Can you just give it a...
- No, no, no, no.
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Deb, can you just...
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00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,680
Can you just please give
it a... give it a read?
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[Deb] Oh.
- Okay? Here.
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There you go. That's
all... that's all I want.
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Can you just...
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I'll read it.
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We did it! Yeah!
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00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:05,115
[applause]
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00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,960
[horn honking]
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Hello, Mr. Greenlight!
She loved it, right?
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00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,551
I told you she was
going to love it!
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What's the budget she
gave you? $300 million?
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$400... $500 million for this?
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Just drive.
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I am so sorry, Kevin. That's
not... that is not fair.
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You are a king, and this
town doesn't deserve you.
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Do you hear me?
You are a king!
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You are my king! Praise!
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Praise!
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00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,740
Wait a second. Is
that her right there?
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00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,158
Is that her, the one
throwing away the script?
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00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,619
Is that her right
there? Excuse me, ma'am!
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00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,205
Excuse me, ma'am, in the
red jacket! How are you?
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00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,666
Kevin Darnell Hart is
a national treasure!
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- A national treasure!
- Just drive the car!
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00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,086
[Andre] We're going
to drive the car!
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00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,754
But honestly, get
your shit together!
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00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,172
Nice to meet you!
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[Kevin] Drive the
fucking car, Andre!
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[instrumental music]
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[upbeat music]
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Today is gonna be the most
amazing day of your life.
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Your papers.
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You say the same thing
every day, Andre.
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- And every day, you're wrong.
- Oh, well, come on.
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00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,485
You're just cranky,
because you haven't
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had your tofu tahini smoothie.
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00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,573
I'll get that for you
right now. Sophie! His TT!
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I really hate that
you call it that.
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Here we go. Big gulps.
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00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:33,786
- There you go.
- No.
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I'm cranky, because the movie
of my dreams just flamed. Okay?
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00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,041
Now, I don't know what I'm
going to do with my life.
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Well, I mean, come on,
man. You still have us.
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00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,837
That's amazing,
right? You have us.
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00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,463
What the hell does
that mean? Ooh.
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00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,259
Hannah, Sophie, me, your
man TJ right over here!
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00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,094
I'm talking about your village!
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00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,512
I know what you need.
I know what you need.
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A massage.
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00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,849
Nina, these are all set
up for the new hot stones?
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I can be in about ten minutes.
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She can be in about ten minutes.
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Kevin, the crew are
ready whenever you are.
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00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,023
Yeah. I'm ready.
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00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,107
[Andre] You got this!
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00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,525
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,068
There you go.
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00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,486
Oh, God. How you doing?
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00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,280
Good. Great.
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00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:13,117
Kev, now just pretend you're
biking through the Swiss Alps.
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00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,661
We'll CG the Alps in later.
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00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,205
What is that?
196
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,664
I'm on foot, though.
I need a bike, right?
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00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,751
We'll CG that in, too. Action!
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00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,504
[Kevin] You just want me to...
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00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,089
[Director] Just go for it.
200
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,841
Act like I'm riding a bike?
201
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,052
Exactly. [Andre]
Straight arms.
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00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,846
Kevin, look at this.
Kevin, look at this.
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00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,390
[Kevin] Hey, man. Not... No!
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00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,435
I can't... can't do
this shit! I can't.
205
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:44,523
I... I cannot do this
shit any more! Alright?
206
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,277
I'm tired of the CGI and
the goddamn green screens,
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00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,446
all this fake shit!
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00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,739
No, uh...
209
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,324
[Kevin] I want real
fucking action!
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00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:54,952
Ah! [Andre] Kevin, no!
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00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,539
Nina? What's the ETA
on those hot stones?
212
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,124
[yells]
213
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752
[crowd screaming]
214
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,171
[Reporter] It
appears A-list actor
215
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,131
Kevin Hart is back
in the news again.
216
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,677
Star of the high-octane
reboot of The Jefferson's,
217
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:16,013
{\an8}Hart has spent his own money
destroying a high-end Hollywood
218
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,683
{\an8}restaurant in an
attempt to woo a studio
219
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,685
{\an8}boss into financing
what he refers to
220
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:23,896
{\an8}as a cinema verité-style
action film.
221
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,774
This comes just a year
after the actor famously
222
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:30,152
fired his long-time
stuntman Doug Eubanks
223
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,904
in the middle of
production, a decision
224
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,906
that left insiders dumbfounded.
225
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,324
Bring me this man.
226
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,617
[ominous music]
227
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:40,121
Bring me this Kevin Hart.
228
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,999
[Reporter] also
known as Mr. 206.
229
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,711
[Kevin] Wow. This is big, man.
230
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,629
No, like, this is really big.
231
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,339
Andre, I don't think
you understand!
232
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,134
I cast my dream out into the
universe, and guess what?
233
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,719
Karl Stromberg comes running!
234
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,555
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
235
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,141
But I got to say,
boss. I don't like it.
236
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,351
I mean, you don't even
know this guy, right?
237
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,478
I tried to look him up, and
nothing came up on Google.
238
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,189
Duh. It's because
he's European.
239
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,608
They got their own Google.
Everybody knows that. Alright?
240
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,153
Listen, the guy is
loaded, got tons of money.
241
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,780
And if his desire is to make
my movie, then so be it.
242
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,615
- I'm good.
- I can't do it, boss.
243
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,409
I am so sorry. I can't do it.
244
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,411
My job is to look out for your
best interest, and I don't...
245
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,330
Uh, what did you just say?
246
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,414
It's my job to look
out for your...
247
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,207
It's not your job.
248
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,044
As a matter of fact, that's the
complete opposite of your job.
249
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,880
You know who looks
out for me, Andre? Me.
250
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,340
That's who looks
out for me. Me!
251
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,591
Okay?
252
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,176
- You know what? Pull over.
- What?
253
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:36,469
Pull over. I'm driving
myself. I don't want you...
254
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,887
Kevin, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
255
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,180
Kevin, you can't drive
yourself. You need me!
256
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,182
- You need me!
- I do not need you.
257
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,517
Correction! [chuckles]
I don't need you!
258
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:44,894
I didn't need my stunt man!
259
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,354
I damn sure don't
need an assistant
260
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,563
telling me how to live my life.
261
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,814
Pull over!
262
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,776
[car honking]
263
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,027
Don't... don't hold the
wheel in the middle!
264
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,780
Shut up, Andre!
I said shut up!
265
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,406
- I know how to drive!
- We know!
266
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,991
We all know! He knows
how to drive a car!
267
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,452
We know! But let's say
you put your hand down.
268
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,454
- You pop it in D.
- Pop it in first!
269
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,331
Nope, that's reverse!
Whoa! You know what?
270
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,999
Why don't I help you out?
271
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,001
I'll get in there, I'll
start her up, I'll roll out,
272
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,211
and everybody will
think it was you.
273
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,670
[Kevin] I don't want your help!
274
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,214
Good, good, good! Good!
275
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,507
Good! Good, good, good!
276
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,092
[Kevin] Yeah,
smooth! Very smooth!
277
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,260
You're leaving!
[Kevin] Yeah! Fuck off!
278
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,013
I'll drive all the way home!
279
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,434
[cigar cutter clinks]
280
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,229
[inhales]
281
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,939
[exhales]
282
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,442
[opera music]
283
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,868
So, Karl...
284
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,123
Karl, what is it, uh, what is
that you do for a living, man?
285
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,502
I made my fortune
mining precious metals.
286
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,170
[Kevin] Mm.
287
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:57,341
Now, I finance films,
primarily in the Balkans,
288
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,884
once in North Korea.
289
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,970
It's probably hard to get
permits over there, huh?
290
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:04,306
Permits are for cowards.
291
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:08,769
Your outline... is dangerous.
292
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,312
It's violent.
293
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,897
It's almost no
narrative that makes
294
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,859
sense to a regular human being.
295
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,612
I am not the regular
human being. No.
296
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,867
- I am Karl Stromberg.
- Yeah.
297
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,619
[Karl] And that is why...
298
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,623
I will finance
this film for you.
299
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,709
What did you just say to me?
300
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,169
You're telling me
that you're going
301
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,088
to finance my
goddamn movie? Huh?
302
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,091
[chuckles] Dude, you
just made my day, man!
303
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,010
And I don't have to do my pitch!
Because my pitch is expensive.
304
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,720
I ain't going to
break all this glass
305
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,346
and stuff in here, because
I know I got to pay for it.
306
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,639
Dude! You just...
307
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,183
I was in a dark place, Karl.
308
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,018
I was in a real dark place, man.
309
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,187
You just pulled me
out of a dark place.
310
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,646
Because people
underestimate you.
311
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:53,898
Yeah.
312
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,442
When you left comedy
for the action,
313
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,985
they said you'd fail.
314
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,570
Did they?
315
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,324
When you fired your stuntman
to do your own stunts...
316
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,533
they said you would fail.
317
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,826
You heard about that?
318
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,578
[Karl] Everyone
heard about that.
319
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,580
It's only you and Tom Cruise
who do your own stunts now.
320
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,832
That's... that's a fact.
321
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,126
Two peas in a pod,
man. What's going on?
322
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,337
What you doing?
323
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,756
This film, Kevin...
324
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:23,802
will put you in
your own category.
325
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:29,391
Ah! One pea in one pod.
326
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,935
Yes, right.
327
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,812
That's right.
One pea, one pod.
328
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,440
Hell, yeah.
329
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,942
That's what it's
supposed to be, Karl.
330
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,401
You know what, man?
I know we just met,
331
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,029
but I feel like I've
known you for a long time,
332
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,489
because you get me.
333
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,366
I'm so sick of this...
334
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:49,578
this CG and this
green screen shit!
335
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,664
So what'd you think of the
story, Karl? About me...
336
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,250
No one watches
movies for the story.
337
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,668
Yeah.
338
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,379
They watch it for the action.
339
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,715
And the nudity.
340
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,677
I don't really...
341
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,638
I don't really have
any dick in my script.
342
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,098
But if you want some, if
you feel like people want
343
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,809
to see dick, I
can add some dick.
344
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,894
I can... I'm not afraid
to go full frontal.
345
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,896
I'll do it. Right?
346
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,481
If that's what the people want.
347
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,483
My biggest thing, though,
is the action, man.
348
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,110
I just don't... I don't
want to see it coming.
349
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,820
Right? I want to be
caught off guard.
350
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,697
- You will shit your pants!
- What you talkin' about?
351
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,616
We will have a change of
pants available at all times
352
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,036
for when you shit your pants.
353
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,997
[inhales] Because I'm scared.
354
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,665
[Karl] You will shit.
- I... I will shit.
355
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,333
[Karl] You will shit...
- Yeah.
356
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,835
[Karl] ...your pants.
- I'll shit my goddamn pants.
357
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,795
You will shit!
358
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,547
[Kevin] I want to shit!
- You will shit.
359
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,923
[Kevin] Alright! I wanna shit!
360
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,009
- You wanna shit?
- Yeah! I will shit!
361
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,094
You shit your pants!
362
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,763
I'm ready to shit
my pants, Karl!
363
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:53,934
I want to shit my
pants! Right now!
364
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,645
When... when do we
start so I can shit!
365
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,689
[Karl] We already have.
366
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,649
There's a camera hidden
right behind you.
367
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,277
[ominous music]
368
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,945
Ohh!
369
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:07,823
[chuckles] I think I see it!
370
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,326
The little... the black... the
space with the black, right?
371
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,828
[gunshot]
372
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,843
[weak groaning]
373
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,097
[moaning]
374
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,355
[cutter clinking]
375
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,900
[groaning]
376
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:45,403
[yelling]
377
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,502
[screaming]
378
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,296
Back up!
379
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,006
Get your ass back!
380
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,216
I don't know who you
think you messing with,
381
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,509
but I tell you, you got...
382
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,219
Oh, shit!
383
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,763
He going to fucking eat my ass!
384
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,015
He going to eat my ass and
set me on fire or some shit,
385
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,558
ain't you?
386
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,228
Who are you? Huh?
387
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,563
Where am I? Tell me...
tell me where I'm at!
388
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,774
Who... Wait a minute.
389
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,902
Do you work, you work
for Karl Stromberg?
390
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,659
I said, do you work
for Karl Stromberg?
391
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,249
Okay.
392
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,544
Okay. Okay, we in it.
393
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,671
This is it. We're doing it.
394
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,132
Okay, Karl! I like
it! I like it!
395
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,175
Um, okay, shit.
396
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,177
Okay, let me see. Where...
where are we in the script?
397
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,138
God, my adrenaline's
flowing so much.
398
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:57,349
You got me! I thought you was
really trying to eat my ass!
399
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,768
Alright. Uh, okay,
three, two, one.
400
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,186
[blabbers] Okay.
401
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,647
Rice, peas, carrots,
let's go. [sniffles]
402
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,151
[dramatic music]
403
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,072
You know, I've been
searching the globe for you.
404
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,951
You're a hard man to
find, Mr. Bartholomew.
405
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,916
I think you got a line.
406
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:25,210
You got a line!
407
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,172
Uh, you say your part, and
I'll react off of that.
408
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,883
Because what you say sets
me up to now have my...
409
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,595
Unless you're not union.
Or... Is he union or no?
410
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,014
Guys? Can you not just...
411
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,432
Okay.
412
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,476
Oh, rewrite. There must
have been pink pages.
413
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,394
Okay. Uh, let me get back in.
414
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,980
[clinking]
415
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,483
What you going to do with those?
416
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,818
Chop off my finger? Hmm?
417
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,653
Cut off my leg? My foot?
418
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,280
[clinking]
419
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:56,201
Newsflash, I only need
one foot to kick your ass.
420
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,663
That is a trailer
moment! Guys! I only...
421
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,124
[Man on speaker] Good evening.
422
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:07,544
Do not use the
shears on this man.
423
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,129
[Kevin] Is that...
is that the producer?
424
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,839
Is that Karl? Karl!
425
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,218
[Man on speaker] He
must atone for his sins.
426
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,637
What is that? Atone for
my... I don't know...
427
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,555
[Man on speaker] He
must feel the pain
428
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433
he has made others feel.
429
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,854
Yeah, I'm lost, guys. I
don't know where we are.
430
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,981
Um, if we're going
to do rewrites,
431
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,900
you guys got to
give me the pages.
432
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,443
I'll stay in it. I'll
stay in it. Uh...
433
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,363
[metallic whirring]
434
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,032
Okay, alright. Okay.
435
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,784
Why don't we... why
don't we take it easy?
436
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,244
Because I know why
you're mad, huh?
437
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,495
You're mad because...
Stop right there.
438
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,038
Let's stop right
there. No, no, no.
439
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,374
Let's make that your mark.
Nope, stop right there.
440
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,669
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa,
whoa, whoa! Whoa! Hey!
441
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,920
[Man on speaker] Count to ten.
442
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:51,338
No, fuck you! Wait!
443
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,882
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey! Hey, man!
444
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,468
Hey! No, no,
don't cut my dick!
445
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,887
Don't cut my dick! That's
not... Okay, use it.
446
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,681
I'mma use it! Stay in it.
447
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,267
[grunts]
448
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,186
Yeah!
449
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,321
Two.
450
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,532
[Kevin] Come on!
451
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,575
Come on!
452
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,078
[yelling]
453
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,542
[sighs]
454
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,798
Damn it!
455
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,301
No, not today.
456
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,136
Yeah!
457
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,971
Did we get it? Huh?
458
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,765
[laughs] Spin it! We got it!
459
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,767
Yeah! Oh!
460
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,645
[ominous music]
461
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,065
Comin' to beat
your ass, Montoya.
462
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,153
This set's
incredible. So good.
463
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,698
Shit!
464
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,367
It's Montoya's men.
465
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,087
[woman yells]
466
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,797
Jordan? The hell
are you doing here?
467
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,343
[muffled yelling]
468
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,637
Son of a bitch!
469
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,889
Did they hurt you?
Hm? Did they hurt you?
470
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,224
Kevin, what the
hell is going on?
471
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,685
The uranium heist.
That's what's going on.
472
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:31,438
- Wait, what?
- I already handled Bartholomew.
473
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:35,651
But General Montoya, he's not
going to let us off as easy.
474
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,278
What the hell are
you talking about?
475
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,363
Shit!
476
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,114
I was walking my dog,
477
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,783
and someone hit me
in the fucking neck
478
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,451
with a tranquillizer dart!
479
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,578
- Huh?
- And I ended up here.
480
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,246
What are you talking about?
481
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,873
You didn't talk
to Karl Stromberg?
482
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,249
Who?
483
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,585
Karl Stromberg about the movie?
484
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,004
Right now, we're in
it! This is the movie!
485
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,381
It's a live-action movie!
486
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,716
We're improving all
the action scenes!
487
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,260
No green screen,
no fucking cables.
488
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,012
It's real, raw.
489
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,472
He's going to take
my acting career
490
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,140
and my action status
to the next level.
491
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,850
So this is all your fault?
492
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,644
[Kevin] Well, I
mean, it's my script.
493
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,604
It took me I don't know how
long to develop it. But Karl...
494
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,272
- What the hell is your problem!
- Stop!
495
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,649
What is wrong with you?
496
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,109
- Shit! Ow!
- Annoying!
497
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,236
Stop. Shit! That's sharp!
498
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,196
How long were you
laying on that?
499
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,698
Damn it!
500
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,533
Now, why you got an attitude?
501
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,828
This is a simple
outline! It's a layup!
502
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,038
Okay? I'm a triple agent.
503
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,624
MI-7. I'm the highest
of high, right?
504
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,292
Like, you can't get
higher than where I am.
505
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,253
But you... you're
my love interest.
506
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:37,629
They took you hostage because
they knew that's the only way
507
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,047
to get to me.
508
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,841
So now, I'm here,
and I got to get you.
509
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,426
- You understand what...
- You're pathetic.
510
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:45,303
And I'm pretty sure that
kidnapping is a felony.
511
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,556
Well, I'm pretty sure
that when you're an adult,
512
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:49,057
they don't call it kidnapping.
513
00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,143
So that's... [chuckles]
That's pathetic.
514
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,644
Fuck you, Kevin.
515
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,771
What do you mean fuck
me? Why are you at me?
516
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,565
You should be mad at
Karl Stromberg! Not me!
517
00:21:56,566 --> 00:21:58,483
I do not know who that is!
518
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,235
Shh!
519
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,739
[ominous music]
520
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,782
You don't want him to hear you.
521
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,701
Who? Who will hear me?
522
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:10,579
There's no one here! And
do not say Karl Stromberg.
523
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,497
Are you saying Strum or Strom?
524
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,082
Is it Strum or Stromberg?
Because I don't know.
525
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,334
[Kevin] Okay, hey, hey, hey.
526
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,211
There are cameras everywhere.
527
00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:20,088
We're filming a movie!
528
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:24,801
Where? There are no
cameras anywhere!
529
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,929
Will you look around?
There's cameras everywhere!
530
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,681
Okay, listen. Listen.
531
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,768
All I need you to do is
just grasp what's going on.
532
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,103
This is a big opportunity
for both of us.
533
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:37,898
Okay? Just get in character.
534
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,649
Please?
535
00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:41,694
[dramatic music]
536
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,114
They got this place locked
down tighter than Fort Knox.
537
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,742
Oh, God. You wrote
this dialogue?
538
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:51,953
Those motherfuckers knew
I would come rescue you.
539
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,498
Beautiful damsel in
distress like yourself.
540
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,208
[music stops]
541
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:59,961
Yep. Thank you
for rescuing me.
542
00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:04,132
Just like any woman, I
wouldn't know what to do
543
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:08,178
if a man didn't show up to
save me and tell me to eat
544
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,972
so I don't starve and breathe
oxygen, so I don't suffocate.
545
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:13,308
Let's cut. Let's cut.
546
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,018
Can we cut?
547
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:16,437
Can you work with me?
548
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:20,941
- I'd rather not.
- Please.
549
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,818
[Kevin] Thank you.
- Okay.
550
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,945
[Kevin] Alright, guys, we're
going to go again. Alright?
551
00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:26,029
Self-action.
552
00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:27,823
[dramatic music]
553
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:30,367
Do you have any idea what's on
the other side of that door?
554
00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:32,744
There are some dangerous men
on the other side of that door.
555
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,164
I'm talking mercenaries,
killers, ninjas,
556
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,833
failed karate
school instructors,
557
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,292
people that want to
do bad things to me
558
00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,211
just because they can.
559
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,298
There's a bounty
on my fucking head.
560
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,386
I'll tell you what, Esmeralda.
561
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,472
I'll pay that bounty.
562
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:56,268
And I will give them my head...
if it meant saving your life
563
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,978
so that you can
finish med school
564
00:23:57,979 --> 00:23:59,771
and open up that clinic
that you always wanted to...
565
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,648
Ow! Shit!
566
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,608
Open up that clinic that
you always wanted...
567
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,069
Esmeralda, wait.
568
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:09,698
Esmeralda! Hey!
569
00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:12,200
[ominous music]
570
00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:14,995
Oh, you fucking piece of shit!
571
00:24:14,996 --> 00:24:17,205
You leave her out
of it, you hear me?
572
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,583
She's got nothing
to do with this.
573
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:24,546
This is between me, you, and the
78,000 kilos of stolen uranium.
574
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:25,797
[glass breaking]
575
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:28,550
Alright. That's how
you want to have it?
576
00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:31,428
Let's have at it.
577
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:33,346
I'm so over this.
578
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,932
Kevin, next time you have
a terrible movie idea,
579
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:37,726
leave me out of it, yeah?
580
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:39,269
- Ah!
- Oh, shit!
581
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,480
[groaning]
582
00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:45,442
I'm sorry, but did this
central casting goon
583
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:48,737
just hit me in the face with
a real fucking ass... Cut.
584
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,031
No, no, no, we need
to cut right now!
585
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:52,782
I don't know what weird
production this is,
586
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,618
but I need to speak
to a producer!
587
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:56,370
[yelling]
588
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,757
Is that all you've got?
589
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,552
Jordan. Let me
get in there now.
590
00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:15,639
Slam his ass!
591
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,475
[yelling]
592
00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:20,894
Jordan! Let my
character get some!
593
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,271
Tag me in!
594
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,899
[yelling]
595
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,901
[glass breaking]
596
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,694
Damn!
597
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,781
[yelling]
598
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,913
Hold it.
599
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,001
Yeah!
600
00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:47,671
Whoa! We got that!
601
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:49,130
What a scene!
602
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,549
Good job! Here.
603
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,884
I think I'm the one
that was supposed
604
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,302
to kick his ass, though.
605
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:55,804
Because I'm the lead.
606
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,097
So I'm quite sure that
was supposed to be me.
607
00:25:57,098 --> 00:25:58,348
But we'll fix it in post...
608
00:25:58,349 --> 00:25:59,933
[gunfire]
609
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:02,436
Go, go, go! Go!
610
00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,524
[panting]
611
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,526
[Jordan] That guy was
trying to kill me!
612
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:10,944
Kevin, not acting!
613
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,779
Not a movie! Literally
trying to kill me!
614
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,198
No. It's cinema verité.
615
00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:16,741
I know it's a little different,
but that's what it is.
616
00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:19,327
Different? A little
fucking different, Kevin?
617
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,037
- Wow, shit!
- Are you okay?
618
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:23,415
Yeah, I know you're just
trying to get me to apologize.
619
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:25,792
- Just give me a second. What?
- Kevin.
620
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:28,713
You've been hit. With
a real fucking bullet!
621
00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,465
That's not real blood.
622
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,967
[Jordan] What?
623
00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,844
- Of course it's real blood!
- No. Taste it.
624
00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,470
I'm not going to taste
your blood, Kevin!
625
00:26:37,471 --> 00:26:39,723
You can! You can!
It's pig's blood!
626
00:26:39,724 --> 00:26:42,142
It's not my blood. [chuckles]
627
00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:43,601
[Jordan] Does that feel fake?
628
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:46,980
- Ow! Ow!
- Shit! Shit, shit.
629
00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:50,359
I gotta lay down!
630
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:55,030
Kevin!
631
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,823
No, no, no, no,
no! Wait, look!
632
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,160
There's a photographer! Look.
He wants your picture! See?
633
00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:03,205
Go on! What the fuck!
634
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,791
If I had what now?
635
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,668
[Jordan] Just an
unexpected accident
636
00:27:08,669 --> 00:27:11,504
with a very small,
637
00:27:11,505 --> 00:27:15,258
flying, fast, like projectile
object through his shoulder.
638
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,468
And I just think
some painkillers
639
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:17,510
would really help him.
640
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:18,762
Mm-hmm.
641
00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:20,263
I know I don't have
a prescription,
642
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,058
but I can assure you,
this is an emergency.
643
00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,561
I see.
644
00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,440
You want to score
some good drugs?
645
00:27:30,441 --> 00:27:33,234
Some xannies, some
ox, chuckleheads,
646
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,862
wet Garys, Shriek and
Jimmy's, moon pie, spider pie?
647
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,530
Look, I'm not a drug addict!
648
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:39,783
I'm an actor! Don't
you recognize me?
649
00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:41,826
Um...
650
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,495
Okay, it doesn't
matter. Alright?
651
00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,121
My idiot friend got
shot with a real bullet,
652
00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:47,582
an actual fucking bullet
from an actual fucking gun!
653
00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,334
And now, he's bleeding
out in your alleyway!
654
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,669
And if you don't
help me help him,
655
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,631
you're going to have
a body on your hands!
656
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,009
Would I know him from anywhere?
657
00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:59,636
[sighs]
658
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:01,237
[Jordan] You're lucky
it just grazed you.
659
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:05,433
Here. It's the
best I could do.
660
00:28:05,434 --> 00:28:08,395
- The hell is this?
- It's for the pain.
661
00:28:08,396 --> 00:28:11,272
Pharmacist was a
real piece of work.
662
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,482
Well, you're a piece
of work for bringing
663
00:28:12,483 --> 00:28:14,025
this out here to me.
664
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,027
I can't drink this.
This is my competitor!
665
00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,321
You got to go back in there
and ask for Grand Cormino.
666
00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:19,656
Are you being serious right now?
667
00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:21,491
Kevin, you've been
shot! I was kidnapped!
668
00:28:21,492 --> 00:28:24,494
- Grown woman acting. Okay.
- You need to fix this!
669
00:28:24,495 --> 00:28:28,456
- You need to fix this now!
- I told you, I can't! Okay?
670
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:29,749
Even if I wanted
to, I can't do it.
671
00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,835
And by the way,
it's all by design.
672
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:34,087
I gave all the rights
over to Karl Stromberg,
673
00:28:34,088 --> 00:28:37,340
who is a great precious
metals magnate.
674
00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,842
You do hear how
that sounds, right?
675
00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:41,177
You... you hear the words?
676
00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:42,680
You know, Andre was right.
677
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:45,223
Andre, your assistant?
678
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:49,269
Yes, my assistant. No,
my former assistant.
679
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,646
He was right, though. You
know what we're going to do?
680
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,524
We're going to pay
Karl Stromberg a visit.
681
00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:56,276
Yeah, that's exactly
what we're going to do.
682
00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:58,111
We're going to tell him he
needs to get back on book.
683
00:28:58,112 --> 00:29:02,073
Because right now, he's not
following my guidelines at all.
684
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,491
And we're all over the place.
685
00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:05,243
In order for this movie
to be the best thing
686
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:08,079
that we know that it can be,
we got to get back on pace.
687
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,957
Okay? We're paying
him a visit.
688
00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:14,586
[Kevin] Well, at least
my car is still here.
689
00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:15,962
Yeah, but it's the only one.
690
00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:17,422
This place is dead.
691
00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,757
Yes, because it's the
weekend. That's why.
692
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,593
Kevin, it's Tuesday.
693
00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:22,887
[Kevin] Oh.
694
00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:28,434
Wait, what the fuck?
695
00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,311
Kevin, it doesn't
look like anyone's
696
00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:33,104
been here for weeks.
697
00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:34,522
No, that's not true.
698
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,649
I was just here.
I was just here.
699
00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:38,776
Stromberg was
right there. Okay?
700
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,737
That was the last week, or it
may have been a week before.
701
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:42,113
I don't know what
week it was, because I
702
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,990
got knocked the fuck
out. But I was here.
703
00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:46,326
He was sitting at
a desk, right here.
704
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:48,370
This is where he
was. He was...
705
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:52,458
Hmm?
706
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,670
You will shit your pants!
707
00:29:57,671 --> 00:29:59,380
I'm not crazy.
708
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:01,090
I knew he was here.
709
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,800
Would I have this
if he wasn't here?
710
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,552
It's the butt to his cigar.
711
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,012
You know what he was doing?
712
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:08,556
He was doing real weird
stuff with the cigar,
713
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:11,935
licking it, putting it in his
nose, slobbering all on it.
714
00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:13,811
I was watching him
while he was doing it.
715
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,021
Closing his eyes.
716
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,815
[sniffs] All of a sudden...
717
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,152
[Jordan] Why did
you have to drag me
718
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:24,030
into your stupid fantasy
death wish movie?
719
00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:25,573
What are you talking about?
720
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,450
All I said was think
somebody like Jordan King.
721
00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:29,285
Keyword, "think."
It was a suggestion.
722
00:30:29,286 --> 00:30:30,995
Oh, great. Thanks
for the suggestion.
723
00:30:30,996 --> 00:30:32,580
He probably wanted
you because you're one
724
00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,207
of the biggest stars in Sweden.
What if that's the case?
725
00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:35,959
I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg
726
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,418
is the biggest star in Sweden.
727
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,795
The environmental activist?
728
00:30:38,796 --> 00:30:40,436
Yeah, they have their
priorities straight.
729
00:30:41,715 --> 00:30:43,008
Hey, whoa.
730
00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:46,220
Wait a minute. Come
here. What's this?
731
00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:48,222
Look.
732
00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:49,305
[Jordan sighs]
733
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:50,557
Look, will you just look?
734
00:30:50,558 --> 00:30:53,060
[tense music]
735
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,985
The hell is this?
736
00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,030
Whoa. It's the VHS.
737
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,908
I haven't seen one
of these in years.
738
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:17,292
Hey, it's Brian Penn from
Buchwald Associates reading fo...
739
00:31:17,293 --> 00:31:19,669
Um, I'm sorry, is
it Stromberg or...
740
00:31:19,670 --> 00:31:21,796
That's Karl Stromberg!
[Man on TV] It's Stromberg.
741
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,756
It's him! I mean, he...
742
00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,258
It's different
hair, but it's him!
743
00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:29,804
Bring me this man,
this... Kevin Hart.
744
00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:31,806
I... I'm actually
going to go thicker.
745
00:31:31,807 --> 00:31:34,100
Kevin, it's an audition tape.
746
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:37,020
Yeah, well, obviously.
I can see that.
747
00:31:37,021 --> 00:31:38,646
I see that it's
an audition tape.
748
00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:40,565
The question is, why? Why
is it an audition tape?
749
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,526
Oh, my god. Wait a minute,
is Karl Stromberg even real?
750
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,361
[Jordan] What, you didn't
google him before the meeting?
751
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:47,030
[Kevin] He's from Sweden.
752
00:31:47,031 --> 00:31:48,823
You want me to go all the
way to Sweden and google?
753
00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:50,908
That's ridiculous. Stop.
754
00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:52,243
[Jordan] Are you on drugs?
755
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,829
[phone ringing]
756
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,293
Quick, answer it!
757
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,510
Hello?
758
00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,721
[Man on phone] Hello,
Mr. Action Star.
759
00:32:11,722 --> 00:32:13,681
Congratulations. You escaped.
760
00:32:13,682 --> 00:32:16,184
Uh, do you know you shot
me with a real bullet?
761
00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:17,560
[Man on phone]
Of course I know.
762
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:19,270
That bullet was
meant to kill you.
763
00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,730
Oh, that's stupid.
764
00:32:20,731 --> 00:32:22,398
You kill me, and then
you don't have a movie.
765
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:24,275
[Man on phone] You
moron. There is no movie.
766
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,652
There never was.
767
00:32:25,653 --> 00:32:26,986
What do you mean
there's no movie?
768
00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:28,404
You'd better stop
talking like that.
769
00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:30,114
That's blasphemy,
and you know it.
770
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,241
There is a movie.
Okay, who is this?
771
00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:33,785
Are you the producer?
772
00:32:33,786 --> 00:32:35,620
[Man on phone] You have
forgotten who you are,
773
00:32:35,621 --> 00:32:37,580
where you came from.
774
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:39,582
I didn't... didn't anybody
forget where they came from.
775
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,292
[Man on phone] Then
what was the name
776
00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,504
of your first elementary
school teacher?
777
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,050
Ms. Foxen.
778
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,552
No, Ms. Clarkson...
Clarkson... Clarkson.
779
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:53,304
Yeah, Ms. Clarkson.
780
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:54,889
[Man on phone] And the
hospital where you were born?
781
00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,307
What does that have
to do with anything?
782
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:57,768
[Man on phone] The name.
783
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:01,729
[whispering] Go on.
784
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:05,525
Uh, Saint Falkenstein.
785
00:33:05,526 --> 00:33:08,069
- That sounds wrong.
- Saint Falkenstein Hospital.
786
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,113
What... Hey! Enough
of this shit!
787
00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,948
Cut the shit! Who are you?
788
00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,491
Who the fuck are you?
789
00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,159
[Man on phone] I'm the
person who's brought
790
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,536
an end to your life.
791
00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:18,121
You are no longer cared for.
792
00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,248
- You're worth nothing.
- Uh, excuse me.
793
00:33:20,249 --> 00:33:22,542
Can I ask why I've
been dragged into this?
794
00:33:22,543 --> 00:33:24,419
[line disconnects]
795
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:27,004
Great, Kevin! You took all
the phone time with him!
796
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,548
[Kevin] Oh, I'm sorry.
797
00:33:28,549 --> 00:33:30,133
Excuse the fuck out of me
for trying to figure out
798
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,260
what was going on with
my life, trying to hear
799
00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:34,137
a serial killer voice out.
800
00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:35,805
I'm sorry that I
inconvenienced you!
801
00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:38,057
- Shh! Shh!
- Goddamn it, Jordan!
802
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:39,809
Shh! Do you hear that?
803
00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:41,353
[quiet beeping]
804
00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,189
It's the VCR.
805
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:46,900
What the fuck?
806
00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:50,486
[gasps] Oh, fuck, it's a bomb.
807
00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:52,572
- What?
- It's a fucking bomb.
808
00:33:52,573 --> 00:33:53,948
Well, disarm it!
809
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:55,366
You fucking disarm it!
810
00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:56,951
Oh, yeah, 'cause I know
how to disarm a bomb.
811
00:33:56,952 --> 00:33:59,036
Oh, I do 'cause I'm Black?
That's what you think?
812
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,538
Every Black man know
how to disarm a bomb?
813
00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:01,873
That is not a thing, Kevin.
814
00:34:01,874 --> 00:34:03,249
[Kevin] Oh, I bet
it's not a thing.
815
00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:05,127
Get your racist ass
back. Move, move!
816
00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,920
Quick, quick, quick. Come on.
817
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,299
Oh, my God. Open it, open it.
818
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,177
[grunts] Pull, pull!
819
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,056
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
820
00:34:22,311 --> 00:34:24,395
Back. Get back,
get back, get back!
821
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:25,688
Shit.
822
00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:27,774
[clanging]
823
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,067
[clanging stops]
824
00:34:32,029 --> 00:34:33,905
Okay.
825
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:35,823
Well, I guess it
is just a movie.
826
00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:37,492
Yeah, and that
was a fake bomb...
827
00:34:37,493 --> 00:34:38,701
[explosion]
828
00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:40,119
Whoa!
829
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,997
[alarm blaring]
830
00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:48,711
[both coughing]
831
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,129
[Andre] Where's my keys?
832
00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:51,547
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, you're okay.
833
00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,007
You're okay. What
was that sound?
834
00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:54,801
Andre? What the hell
are you doing here?
835
00:34:54,802 --> 00:34:56,260
- Come on, go.
- What are you talking about?
836
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,512
- We gotta go.
- I'll get the door for you.
837
00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,013
Go now!
838
00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,973
Kevin, that was a
real fucking bomb.
839
00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:02,683
A real fucking bomb!
840
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,435
Okay, Jordan, well, can you
put yourself in my shoes?
841
00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:05,937
I will not, no. No.
842
00:35:05,938 --> 00:35:07,355
I do not have to do
that. Do you know what?
843
00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:09,941
Just shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
844
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:12,652
Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre. I
don't know if you remember me.
845
00:35:12,653 --> 00:35:13,945
Hey, man, put your
hand on the wheel.
846
00:35:13,946 --> 00:35:15,279
[Andre] You got it.
847
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,031
I'm actually... I'm
Kevin's protege.
848
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:21,035
Sorry, I'm Kevin's assistant...
Former assistant. Fuck me.
849
00:35:21,036 --> 00:35:24,163
Of course I remember
you, Andre. So what?
850
00:35:24,164 --> 00:35:25,998
Kevin kicked you out in the
middle of the street, did he?
851
00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,543
No, pish-posh.
No, of course not.
852
00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:32,004
Technically, it was the
sidewalk and I love Skid Row.
853
00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,548
Everybody's got a story to tell.
854
00:35:33,549 --> 00:35:35,466
So many teachable moments.
855
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,093
Wait, you... you didn't go home?
856
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,803
You just waited here
this whole time?
857
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,596
Well, yeah. I mean, I always
carry a spare key, right?
858
00:35:40,597 --> 00:35:42,765
That's what I do. And
I don't mind waiting.
859
00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:46,477
- It was a quick 25, 30 hours.
- Thirty hours?
860
00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:49,146
I would wait a lifetime to
make sure Kevin is okay.
861
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,607
Stop it. Stop it. I
didn't ask you to do that.
862
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:54,026
- Don't act like I did.
- I know, I know.
863
00:35:54,027 --> 00:35:55,611
And I know you fired me.
864
00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:57,405
Oh, right, you fired him
865
00:35:57,406 --> 00:36:00,074
because he tried to warn you
about the Swedish mobster that
866
00:36:00,075 --> 00:36:02,326
was actually a shitty
actor who was working
867
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:03,911
for someone trying to murder us.
868
00:36:03,912 --> 00:36:05,162
Okay, I don't understand
what's happening.
869
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:06,706
I really don't. And Jordan,
870
00:36:06,707 --> 00:36:07,957
I'm just gonna throw
this out there right now.
871
00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:09,584
I feel like you're
still mad at me.
872
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:12,169
I will never not be mad at
you for the rest of my life.
873
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,755
I am so sorry to interrupt,
but where am I going?
874
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,299
Because I've just been driving.
875
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:17,592
Hey, hey, we're
going to my house.
876
00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:18,926
- You got it.
- Okay, go to my house.
877
00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,344
No, I'm not going to your house.
878
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:21,721
- I'm going to my house.
- Your house it is.
879
00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:23,139
No, you're not
going to your house,
880
00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:24,432
because I need to
know that you're safe.
881
00:36:24,433 --> 00:36:26,559
Oh, right, yeah, just
like Andre wanted
882
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,227
to make sure you were safe.
883
00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:31,147
[Kevin] You know what? I
know what you're doing.
884
00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:32,565
I know exactly
what you're doing.
885
00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:34,275
You're trying to do
one of those things
886
00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:37,737
where you make me evaluate
who I am as a person, right?
887
00:36:37,738 --> 00:36:39,530
That's what you're trying
to do. But guess what?
888
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,198
I'm not gonna do that,
because who I am as a person
889
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:43,826
is who I'm okay with,
and I'm settled in.
890
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,828
[beeping]
891
00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:48,414
[Andre] It's not working.
I'm gonna try one more time.
892
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:49,749
Are you sure you're
punching in the right code?
893
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,459
Of course, man.
It's your birthday,
894
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:53,419
like I'd ever forget that. It's
tattooed on my inner thigh.
895
00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,296
I rub it every morning.
896
00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:56,589
- See what I'm dealing with?
- Okay.
897
00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:58,466
All the time, this
is what it is.
898
00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:00,343
It's not working.
[Jordan] Wait, wait, wait.
899
00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:02,136
Maybe the person who's
behind all of this
900
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:03,638
changed the gate code.
901
00:37:03,639 --> 00:37:06,223
[Kevin] Wait, and
they think I'm dead.
902
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:07,808
So maybe this is to
our advantage, right?
903
00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:09,226
[Andre] Hm. [Jordan] Maybe.
904
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,354
Yeah, no, there's...
Oh, shit, security.
905
00:37:11,355 --> 00:37:12,813
It's security, Jordan.
Get in the back. Hide.
906
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,398
Dude, maybe we just exit
now. Should I go now?
907
00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:15,691
[Kevin] No, no, no. Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
908
00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,026
[Andre] I should
just... I'm gonna leave.
909
00:37:17,027 --> 00:37:18,611
You have to leave.
Stop, stop, stop.
910
00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:20,446
[Andre] Are you sure? He's
huge. He doesn't like me.
911
00:37:20,447 --> 00:37:21,989
[Guard] Sir...
- Hey, what's going on?
912
00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,574
How are you, my man?
Nice to meet you.
913
00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:25,409
Are you aware you're
trespassing on private property?
914
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:28,454
I did not. I... I
was not aware, no.
915
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,456
Please reverse out
and have a nice day.
916
00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:32,583
You got it, my man.
[Kevin] No, do not reverse.
917
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:33,834
- You can't reverse.
- You know what?
918
00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,461
I'm not... I can't...
919
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,672
My boss actually
lives inside there.
920
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:40,049
So if I can just jump in there
real quick, it'd be great.
921
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:41,884
Reverse out now, and
no one has to get
922
00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,260
pumped full of electricity.
923
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,137
Of course. I'm positive
no one needs that.
924
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:48,474
No, do not reverse.
Do not reverse.
925
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,101
- Do not reverse.
- I'm not gonna reverse.
926
00:37:50,102 --> 00:37:51,687
Do not fuck with me.
927
00:37:53,397 --> 00:37:55,231
[Kevin] He's bluffing.
- You're bluffing.
928
00:37:55,232 --> 00:37:57,275
I assure you, I'm not bluffing.
929
00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,236
He's fucking bluffing.
930
00:38:00,237 --> 00:38:02,613
- Fuck with him. He's bluffing.
- Fuck you. You're full of...
931
00:38:02,614 --> 00:38:04,156
[electricity crackling]
932
00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:05,826
[gibbering]
933
00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:09,037
Compliments of Mr. H.
934
00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:12,039
[Kevin] Well, I didn't
tell him to do that.
935
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,416
[Jordan] Andre?
[Kevin] Is he okay?
936
00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:14,918
[Jordan] Andre? Andre?
937
00:38:20,841 --> 00:38:23,217
[Jordan] Hey, Andre, m... maybe
one of us should just drive.
938
00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:25,219
[laughing] No, you don't have
to worry about that. I got it.
939
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,847
- I got you, my man.
- Damn it.
940
00:38:27,848 --> 00:38:29,890
I got a crook in my
neck that's a bitch.
941
00:38:29,891 --> 00:38:32,560
I... I swear, I gotta get
to Nina so she can fix this.
942
00:38:32,561 --> 00:38:34,186
- Who's Nina?
- Kevin's full-time masseuse.
943
00:38:34,187 --> 00:38:35,563
She's my full-time masseuse.
944
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,565
[laughs] Of course.
945
00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:39,191
Oh, okay, well, I'm
glad that my life
946
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:40,735
getting destroyed amuses you.
947
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,528
Well, didn't you basically
ask for all of this?
948
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:43,904
[mimicking Jordan] No, I didn't
basically ask for all of this.
949
00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:46,115
I did not do that.
I asked for a movie.
950
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:47,491
There's a big difference.
951
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,326
A movie has cameras
and sound, lights.
952
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,703
That's what that has in it.
953
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:53,080
This is not the
same, not the same.
954
00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,665
We need to go to the police.
955
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,667
[Kevin] No, no, we do
not need to go to police.
956
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,462
Whoever this guy is, he
thinks that we're dead, right?
957
00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:02,465
So we use that to
our advantage, okay?
958
00:39:02,466 --> 00:39:04,258
We make him think th...
that we're not here.
959
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:06,343
We disappear. We just gotta
figure out where to go.
960
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:08,387
Man, this is where Natasha
would come in handy,
961
00:39:08,388 --> 00:39:10,014
'cause she would know
exactly where we should go.
962
00:39:10,015 --> 00:39:11,682
- And who the hell is Natasha?
- She handles...
963
00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:14,351
She's Kevin's Airbnb consultant.
964
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,978
- This is getting ridiculous.
- Oh, my God.
965
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,521
I know exactly where we can go
966
00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:19,149
where no one would
ever search for us.
967
00:39:20,567 --> 00:39:24,320
Who's in?
968
00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,072
Okay, make yourself at home.
969
00:39:26,073 --> 00:39:27,823
Uh, do you guys want
anything to drink?
970
00:39:27,824 --> 00:39:29,158
Kombucha, coffee, tea?
971
00:39:29,159 --> 00:39:31,327
Yes, yes, kombucha
would be great.
972
00:39:31,328 --> 00:39:32,578
I don't have it.
You called my bluff.
973
00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:34,288
I don't have
kombucha. I'm sorry.
974
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,956
- No, water would be brilliant.
- Water is gonna be great.
975
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,249
- Thank you, Andre.
- Fantastic.
976
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:38,667
And you? You want some water?
977
00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:40,127
I'm not putting my mouth
on a cup of this house.
978
00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:41,545
Nice, nice.
979
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:44,924
Jesus Christ, you
actually live here?
980
00:39:44,925 --> 00:39:46,926
[Andre] Yeah, my
little slice of heaven.
981
00:39:46,927 --> 00:39:49,386
Ugh. [Andre] What was that?
982
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,138
- I said, ugh.
- I love it.
983
00:39:51,139 --> 00:39:53,933
It's actually really
charming. [Andre] Thank you.
984
00:39:53,934 --> 00:39:55,351
You know, my mom and
I are kind of always
985
00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:56,769
messing with the motif in here.
986
00:39:56,770 --> 00:39:58,562
Went through a huge
Southwestern phase.
987
00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,314
So much turquoise.
988
00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:01,565
[Andre and Jordan laugh]
989
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:03,192
So your mom helped you decorate?
990
00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:05,277
Oh, yeah, big-time.
She's my roommate.
991
00:40:05,278 --> 00:40:06,862
[Kevin scoffs]
992
00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:08,823
- She's right there.
- You gotta be shitting me.
993
00:40:08,824 --> 00:40:10,324
No, no, no, don't be afraid.
994
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:11,909
Don't be afraid. Watch this.
995
00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:13,119
You want to meet her?
[Kevin] No, I don't have to.
996
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,703
Here we go. Mom, you're okay?
997
00:40:14,704 --> 00:40:16,665
Your mouth was open real
wide. [Kevin] Oh, my God.
998
00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:21,252
- Oh, my. Oh, my.
- Don't charge me.
999
00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:23,420
Oh, my God. [Andre]
Fix your bra.
1000
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:28,217
It's... it's Kevin Hart,
America's treasure.
1001
00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:29,802
It's a family... No,
you don't have to...
1002
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:31,220
Oh!
1003
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:33,556
And... and Jordan King.
1004
00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:35,349
Or should I call you Wheezy?
1005
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,184
[laughs] No, that's just a role
1006
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,186
I'm not paid nearly
enough to play.
1007
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:40,604
Uh, "Jordan" is fine.
1008
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,565
[laughs] Come here.
I gotta squeeze ya.
1009
00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:44,400
Come here. Oh!
1010
00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:47,153
You two gotta eat. We're
gonna have a feast.
1011
00:40:47,154 --> 00:40:48,571
Andre, go to the freezer.
1012
00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:50,281
We're gonna defrost the
Christmas pork chop.
1013
00:40:50,282 --> 00:40:52,324
We're doing the
Christmas pork chops?
1014
00:40:52,325 --> 00:40:53,742
[Andre] We've been waiting
for this for, like, six years.
1015
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:55,578
I don't think we
have that much time.
1016
00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:57,329
You don't have to do that. We
don't want to steal your meat.
1017
00:40:57,330 --> 00:40:58,581
- We have plenty of time.
- You gotta save that meat.
1018
00:40:58,582 --> 00:40:59,999
You're eating my meat.
1019
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,542
[Andre] Tell him,
mom. Tell him!
1020
00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,002
- No, no, no, no.
- You're gonna want my meat.
1021
00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:04,295
No, we don't want your meat.
1022
00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:05,671
People talk about
it all the time.
1023
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,256
- Well, we don't...
- Did you hurt yourself?
1024
00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:08,507
[Kevin] This is not...
- Did you know there was...
1025
00:41:08,508 --> 00:41:10,509
Ah, shit, woman!
1026
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,595
Did you know there
was blood there?
1027
00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:14,889
- Yeah... Ow, ow!
- And up here?
1028
00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:17,141
- Stop.
- God, you are Kevin Hart.
1029
00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,643
You can't walk around
with bloody clothes on.
1030
00:41:19,644 --> 00:41:21,937
You're too sophisticated.
Take your shirt off.
1031
00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:23,314
- Come on, I'm gonna wash it.
- That's alright.
1032
00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:25,024
I'm already doing a bloody load.
1033
00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:26,734
Come on, take it off. Come on.
1034
00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,068
[Andre] Take it off,
Kevin. What are we doing?
1035
00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:29,695
Yeah. [Andre] Come on.
1036
00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:30,988
[Jordan] So nice of you.
- Somebody's got a cute tummy.
1037
00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:32,615
[Andre laughs]
1038
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,200
[Kevin] Come on, that's a lie.
- Mom, look at him.
1039
00:41:34,201 --> 00:41:35,492
Remember, I was telling
you about his belly button?
1040
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:36,702
It's right there,
mom. You got it.
1041
00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:38,204
Take my chance.
[blows raspberry]
1042
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:40,331
Oh, god. Let me just...
Please, let me get it.
1043
00:41:40,332 --> 00:41:42,249
Stop it, please.
[Cynthia] Oh my goodness.
1044
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,251
[Kevin] Thank you. You got...
- Oh, that's...
1045
00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:46,503
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Well, that hit my eyes.
1046
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,756
That is... that is...
1047
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:50,633
- That's a man right there.
- Yeah, we were filming.
1048
00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:52,259
[Cynthia] That is good.
- We're doing an improv action...
1049
00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:53,928
I can't believe he's in our
house. I love you so much.
1050
00:41:53,929 --> 00:41:56,009
[Kevin] ...movie where
basically all of the action...
1051
00:41:58,058 --> 00:42:00,309
- Such nice people.
- Nice people?
1052
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:02,186
- Who?
- You're so mean.
1053
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:04,438
How can you be mean to
this guy? Look at him.
1054
00:42:04,439 --> 00:42:08,901
He might be the nicest, sweetest
person I've ever encountered.
1055
00:42:08,902 --> 00:42:11,528
How could you fire him?
1056
00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:12,988
You want me to start at the
beginning? I don't know.
1057
00:42:12,989 --> 00:42:15,491
Maybe because he doesn't
respect boundaries.
1058
00:42:15,492 --> 00:42:18,911
- He cares about you.
- Oh, you just stop it.
1059
00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:21,164
The man clipped my goddamn
toenails one time...
1060
00:42:22,624 --> 00:42:25,502
while I was in
bed... with a woman.
1061
00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:30,506
Exactly. Struggling,
by the way, to perform.
1062
00:42:30,507 --> 00:42:33,384
Had a lot on my mind,
a lot on my mind.
1063
00:42:33,385 --> 00:42:35,219
Brown gummy worm
was in full effect.
1064
00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:36,971
- I don't want to know this.
- Loose noodle.
1065
00:42:36,972 --> 00:42:38,514
Call it what you
want. I looked down.
1066
00:42:38,515 --> 00:42:40,724
I see his face looking up
at me. Now I got no shot.
1067
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:43,352
Okay, thank you for the context.
1068
00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,604
Just giving you... giving
you a play-by-play.
1069
00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:50,609
But listen, when I go to
set, it's me acting, right?
1070
00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:55,823
But to get there, I've got reps,
my dialect coach, my assistant.
1071
00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:57,449
And then there's
personal trainer,
1072
00:42:57,450 --> 00:43:00,828
hair stylists, makeup artists.
The... the list goes on.
1073
00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:04,331
And then there's family and
friends who have supported me
1074
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,750
and sacrificed for me.
1075
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,335
I'm sorry. I got lost
in what you were saying
1076
00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:09,878
'cause I felt it was bullshit.
1077
00:43:09,879 --> 00:43:12,506
You have that, too, Kevin,
and then some, okay?
1078
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:13,924
It's why you're a star.
1079
00:43:13,925 --> 00:43:15,467
No, that's not true.
1080
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,221
I'm a star because I made
myself a star with this.
1081
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:22,641
Sure, yeah, that's the story
you keep telling yourself,
1082
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,143
but you had help.
1083
00:43:24,144 --> 00:43:26,228
Okay.
1084
00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:27,980
Hey, how are you guys doing?
1085
00:43:27,981 --> 00:43:29,940
[laughs] The pork
chops are smelling
1086
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:32,192
so much like shrimp
right now, it's amazing.
1087
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:33,569
I got you a shirt, my man.
1088
00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:35,863
I think it'll fit
perfectly, okay?
1089
00:43:35,864 --> 00:43:37,531
Do you see it? [Kevin] Nice.
1090
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,158
[Andre] Yeah, I
made that myself.
1091
00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:41,369
Okay, thank you for that.
1092
00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,998
Ah, I wanted to ask you earlier,
but I didn't get a chance to.
1093
00:43:45,999 --> 00:43:47,541
Who's... who's that?
1094
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,001
- This one?
- Yeah.
1095
00:43:49,002 --> 00:43:51,546
That's my dad. He's
been gone a long time.
1096
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,465
- Really?
- Yeah.
1097
00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,216
Same.
1098
00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:57,551
Hey, you know, my mom raised me.
1099
00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:59,470
I know.
1100
00:43:59,471 --> 00:44:02,014
Did your dad, uh,
get a little afraid
1101
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:03,849
of parenthood and run off?
1102
00:44:03,850 --> 00:44:05,225
It wasn't anything
like that, actually.
1103
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,311
He was amazing. He was kind.
1104
00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:08,771
Uh, he was gentle.
1105
00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,523
By the way, Richard
Pryor's assistant.
1106
00:44:11,524 --> 00:44:13,275
Your dad is Rich...
1107
00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:14,568
I guess you could say assisting
1108
00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:15,903
just runs in the family, right?
1109
00:44:15,904 --> 00:44:17,696
Wow. That's legendary, man.
1110
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:19,281
- It is, right?
- That's huge.
1111
00:44:19,282 --> 00:44:21,992
It's huge, until it killed him.
1112
00:44:21,993 --> 00:44:23,869
What do you mean?
1113
00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:28,082
It's a big show, and crazy
fan got through security.
1114
00:44:28,083 --> 00:44:31,210
So my dad jumped in
the way of a knife
1115
00:44:31,211 --> 00:44:32,711
that was meant
for Richard Pryor.
1116
00:44:32,712 --> 00:44:34,630
[Kevin] You're
playing. [Andre] No.
1117
00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:36,090
- Cut him from the stomach...
- What?
1118
00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,508
Right up, back down.
1119
00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:39,009
- What?
- Killed my dad on the spot.
1120
00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:41,011
Oh, my God, man.
1121
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,805
I can't. I can't process that.
1122
00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,807
Neither could I. It was
enormous for our whole family.
1123
00:44:44,808 --> 00:44:47,519
Why would somebody want
to kill Richard Pryor?
1124
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,729
Huh?
1125
00:44:50,730 --> 00:44:53,315
Who? [Andre] Well, yeah, why?
1126
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,317
That's crazy, right?
1127
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,944
Yeah. I bet, by the way...
1128
00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:58,946
I bet my dad, when he
was dying, was looking up
1129
00:44:58,947 --> 00:45:01,281
and was like, Why would you do
this, or something like that.
1130
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:03,367
- Has to be, right?
- Maybe, maybe. Maybe not.
1131
00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,993
I mean, at that point,
that's not what's important.
1132
00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,203
Somebody tried to kill Richard.
1133
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:07,579
Right, my dad was already dead.
1134
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:08,956
The thing we gotta
worry about is...
1135
00:45:08,957 --> 00:45:10,249
- Who is this guy?
- God's gonna do...
1136
00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:11,583
Are there more of 'em? Yeah.
1137
00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:13,293
- Okay? You can't rewrite that.
- No.
1138
00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:14,837
No, we can't. I tried to.
1139
00:45:14,838 --> 00:45:16,547
God, I've been to
so much therapy
1140
00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:19,049
trying to rewrite that moment.
What could I have done?
1141
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:20,843
I was a child, but maybe I
could have jumped in the way,
1142
00:45:20,844 --> 00:45:23,554
or something like that. Yeah.
1143
00:45:23,555 --> 00:45:25,514
On the bright side, though,
if you think about it,
1144
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:29,268
he died doing what he
loved the most, assisting.
1145
00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:31,520
He was so happy
that he brought joy
1146
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:35,315
to someone who brought
joy to so many people.
1147
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,277
He taught me every
single thing I knew.
1148
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,865
You know, man, maybe...
1149
00:45:42,866 --> 00:45:45,534
Maybe I didn't mean to fire you.
1150
00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:49,455
I think your exact words were,
I didn't need a stunt man.
1151
00:45:49,456 --> 00:45:51,832
I sure as hell don't
need an assistant.
1152
00:45:51,833 --> 00:45:53,459
You said it to
me. You yelled it.
1153
00:45:53,460 --> 00:45:56,712
And then you told me to
get out of your car, right?
1154
00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:58,881
Oh, no, you're absolutely...
You're... you're right.
1155
00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,133
But I'm just saying,
now, looking back,
1156
00:46:01,134 --> 00:46:03,719
I'm saying, maybe I do...
1157
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:07,806
Maybe I still do
need an assistant.
1158
00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,767
Oh, God. Alright?
1159
00:46:11,227 --> 00:46:12,895
- I need you, too.
- No...
1160
00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:15,439
- I need you, too.
- Not the same.
1161
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,900
- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah.
1162
00:46:17,901 --> 00:46:19,902
I have never been this hard.
1163
00:46:19,903 --> 00:46:21,361
Alright, I'm gonna tell my mom.
1164
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,530
Mom, you'll never believe it!
1165
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,033
Congratulations.
1166
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,995
Something else, huh?
1167
00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:32,624
[groans]
1168
00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,544
[Jordan] I'm proud of you.
- Shut up.
1169
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,255
You know, if you start
treating everyone
1170
00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:42,382
in the Kevin Hart universe
with that level of respect,
1171
00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:45,135
I think you'll be
happy with your life.
1172
00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:47,012
You really are something else.
1173
00:46:47,013 --> 00:46:48,931
I mean, you paint me out
to be such a monster.
1174
00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:52,684
Name one other person that I
have disrespected, just one.
1175
00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:54,145
Give me one.
1176
00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:57,857
I can absolutely name someone.
1177
00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:03,362
[Kevin] Hey, Jordan.
- Yeah, hi.
1178
00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:04,863
I just looked at the call sheet.
1179
00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,240
I didn't see your
stunt double on there.
1180
00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:08,659
- Oh, I sent her home.
- Why?
1181
00:47:08,660 --> 00:47:10,911
Well, I grew up on motorcycles,
and it's a simple one today.
1182
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:12,454
I just have to drive
through the glass
1183
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:13,872
of a dry-cleaning business
before it explodes.
1184
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:15,832
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
1185
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,002
Simple for who? Who?
Who's it simple for, you?
1186
00:47:19,003 --> 00:47:20,963
Well, that's what
you have Doug for?
1187
00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:22,422
Do you know what this
would look like if you go
1188
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:24,466
do all your own stunts
and I don't do mine?
1189
00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:26,385
Do you know what people
will think of me?
1190
00:47:26,386 --> 00:47:28,303
Uh, they'll think
you're an actor?
1191
00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:29,846
And listen, I'm not
jumping off the cliff.
1192
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:31,306
I'm not jumping out of a plane,
1193
00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:32,724
and I ain't fighting no
alligator for anyone.
1194
00:47:32,725 --> 00:47:34,351
You don't think I
can do my own stunts.
1195
00:47:34,352 --> 00:47:35,978
You don't think
I'm tough enough?
1196
00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:38,689
That's what Doug is for,
for exactly this thing.
1197
00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:40,649
You think I need Doug?
1198
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:42,401
Absolutely.
1199
00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:43,944
Maybe I don't.
1200
00:47:43,945 --> 00:47:45,613
Maybe I don't need Doug.
1201
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:48,783
I think he just heard you.
1202
00:47:52,287 --> 00:47:54,454
Hey, Doug.
1203
00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:56,040
I'm gonna go talk to Doug.
1204
00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:58,792
Kevin.
1205
00:47:58,793 --> 00:48:02,421
[Kevin] Hey, there
he is, my guy.
1206
00:48:02,422 --> 00:48:04,339
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
1207
00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:07,718
[laughs] You ain't
gonna believe this shit.
1208
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,303
I'm talking to Jordan.
1209
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:11,305
I just found out Jordan
sent her stunt double home.
1210
00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:12,723
You know what she trying to do.
1211
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,433
You know exactly what
she trying to do.
1212
00:48:14,434 --> 00:48:16,351
She trying to show me up,
and I'm not gonna have that.
1213
00:48:16,352 --> 00:48:19,062
I can't have that.
I'm Kevin Hart, right?
1214
00:48:19,063 --> 00:48:21,231
[laughs]
1215
00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:23,233
So, here's the thing, right?
1216
00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,068
Let's get into this relationship
1217
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,570
'cause it's one of the
best that I've ever had.
1218
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,238
How long you been with me, man?
1219
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,656
Damn, that long, huh?
1220
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,533
It's been a long time.
1221
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:32,909
I know you gonna be fine,
1222
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,453
and it's time for
you to fly, right?
1223
00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:38,040
So with that being
said, uh, we're done.
1224
00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:40,042
I... I'm gonna go ahead and...
1225
00:48:40,043 --> 00:48:43,128
Is "fired" the word, I
guess? I guess it is "fired."
1226
00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:45,047
So I'mma fire you, but in a,
1227
00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:48,091
but in a dope way to
where we still cool.
1228
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,927
I... I'm gonna go
on and get ready.
1229
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:53,180
My guy!
1230
00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:55,557
- It's stunt time.
- Kevin, this is a terrible...
1231
00:48:55,558 --> 00:48:57,476
[Kevin] It's stunt time!
1232
00:48:57,477 --> 00:48:59,353
[Jordan] Listen, I'm not
trying to show you up.
1233
00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:01,521
[Kevin] Hey! Enough, Jordan.
1234
00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:04,901
It's all good,
Mr. Action Star.
1235
00:49:08,571 --> 00:49:09,780
[glass breaks]
1236
00:49:09,781 --> 00:49:11,740
Now, you listen to me, alright?
1237
00:49:11,741 --> 00:49:13,700
I've been in this
business for goddamn...
1238
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:15,577
goddamn, how long?
1239
00:49:15,578 --> 00:49:17,245
How long?
1240
00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:19,373
You telling me that
my goddamn reputation
1241
00:49:19,374 --> 00:49:21,500
doesn't speak for myself?
1242
00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:23,086
It fucking should!
1243
00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,130
When... when does
Cap Four shoot?
1244
00:49:27,131 --> 00:49:29,299
Does Mackie have a guy?
1245
00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:30,884
He does. He gets it.
1246
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:32,552
Everybody's got a
fucking guy, huh?
1247
00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:36,098
What about Adam Driver? Now,
you said he's billed. Huh?
1248
00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:38,016
Listen, I can do work for him.
1249
00:49:38,017 --> 00:49:41,103
I... I can be Adam's
driver, right?
1250
00:49:41,104 --> 00:49:43,146
Yeah, no, listen, I'm
serious about that.
1251
00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:45,899
I don't give a
fuck. I'll drive.
1252
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:49,611
I... I'll be Adam's driver
driver driver if I have to.
1253
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:52,531
God damn it Scott! Fuck you!
1254
00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:55,367
[crying] I've been in the
goddamn business for years.
1255
00:49:55,368 --> 00:49:57,202
[sniffles]
1256
00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:59,747
[sobbing]
1257
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:02,917
[ominous music]
1258
00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,446
[Kevin on TV] You know what?
1259
00:50:32,447 --> 00:50:34,448
This is my me time. I
really enjoy working.
1260
00:50:34,449 --> 00:50:37,367
I find a lot of
peace, happiness,
1261
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,203
and, uh, solace in creating.
1262
00:50:40,204 --> 00:50:43,498
And now my creating is
about putting other people
1263
00:50:43,499 --> 00:50:46,877
in positions to win, um,
amplifying other careers
1264
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,378
and opportunities, not just me.
1265
00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,797
So, hopefully, it
continues to grow.
1266
00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:52,132
[Kevin] I can't believe
that my stuntman
1267
00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:53,800
would do this to me.
1268
00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:55,302
Ex-stuntman.
1269
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:58,180
No, I gotta do something
about this... Oh.
1270
00:50:58,181 --> 00:50:59,514
Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin.
1271
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,933
Uh-oh. Oh, no. Let
mom look at this.
1272
00:51:01,934 --> 00:51:03,310
Hold on. Oh.
1273
00:51:03,311 --> 00:51:04,811
Oh, we gotta change
this dressing.
1274
00:51:04,812 --> 00:51:06,104
Take him to the bedroom.
1275
00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:07,522
- Prop him up.
- Here we go.
1276
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:08,940
- Get some wet towels.
- Here we go.
1277
00:51:08,941 --> 00:51:10,400
Shouldn't he go to a hospital?
1278
00:51:10,401 --> 00:51:12,277
No. I'll get him
back on track.
1279
00:51:12,278 --> 00:51:14,196
It's what I do.
1280
00:51:14,197 --> 00:51:15,781
Wait, you're a doctor?
1281
00:51:15,782 --> 00:51:17,616
[Cynthia] I'm better
than a doctor.
1282
00:51:17,617 --> 00:51:19,743
I'm a mom.
1283
00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:21,328
Left, right, left, right.
1284
00:51:21,329 --> 00:51:23,497
[groans]
1285
00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:24,831
He's gonna be fine.
1286
00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:27,083
My mom is a miracle-worker.
1287
00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,835
How about you? Are you okay?
1288
00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:31,838
Uh... Well, not really.
This is my problem, too.
1289
00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:34,633
Doug probably blames
me for losing his job.
1290
00:51:34,634 --> 00:51:37,093
That's why he's put me in this
deadly little game of his,
1291
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,470
just for payback.
1292
00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:40,305
Yeah. Okay, that's fine, then.
1293
00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:41,932
When Kevin gets
back to full health,
1294
00:51:41,933 --> 00:51:43,892
he will think of an
incredible plan for all of us.
1295
00:51:43,893 --> 00:51:45,727
No, no, fuck that. We
can't just sit here.
1296
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:48,480
We need to do something. We need
to get to the bottom of this.
1297
00:51:48,481 --> 00:51:50,273
Who is the person
Kevin trusts the most?
1298
00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:51,942
- His agent.
- Really?
1299
00:51:51,943 --> 00:51:53,860
Yeah.
1300
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,529
Let's pay them a visit.
1301
00:51:55,530 --> 00:51:57,364
Right now? We
can't go right now.
1302
00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,866
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jordan, we can't go right now.
1303
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:01,284
[Andre] But what about
this? What about this?
1304
00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:02,828
You're famous, Jordan.
You get in there,
1305
00:52:02,829 --> 00:52:04,663
they're gonna recognize
you. That's a problem.
1306
00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:07,791
Second is, Doug actually
thinks that you're dead, right?
1307
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:10,044
- You blew up.
- Shit, you're right.
1308
00:52:11,754 --> 00:52:13,463
Oh, my God, I just thought
of something amazing.
1309
00:52:13,464 --> 00:52:15,715
Thank me. Thank me now.
1310
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,050
Let me hear it first?
1311
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,468
Smart. That's a
smart move, okay?
1312
00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,136
In the back, there's a disguise.
1313
00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,596
I always keep a spare disguise
for Kevin in the back.
1314
00:52:21,597 --> 00:52:23,056
Grab that bag real quick.
1315
00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:25,809
- You have spare disguises?
- Yes.
1316
00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,812
I mean, sometimes Kevin likes
to live anonymously, right?
1317
00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:31,982
Whether he wants to go grocery
shopping, feed the ducks,
1318
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:33,568
heckle a stranger.
1319
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,072
[scoffs] Yeah, I'm
not wearing this.
1320
00:52:39,073 --> 00:52:41,324
[Andre] Come on. Did you
see all of them real quick?
1321
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,118
Like this one right here,
okay? This one right here...
1322
00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,911
- Andre, the road!
- I'm doing it.
1323
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,580
It's a hard left
with my knees, baby.
1324
00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:48,290
Look at this.
1325
00:52:48,291 --> 00:52:50,751
[funky music]
1326
00:52:54,714 --> 00:52:57,340
This is so embarrassing.
1327
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,342
We're lucky that you and
Kevin are the same size,
1328
00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:01,011
you know what I mean?
1329
00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:03,221
Think about this as your
greatest acting role to date.
1330
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:05,224
You got this. You got this!
1331
00:53:08,102 --> 00:53:09,519
That's fantastic. Okay, and...
1332
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,396
[taps]
1333
00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:15,525
Uh, we're here to see,
ahem, Scott Hayman.
1334
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:16,861
Okay.
1335
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,989
And you are?
1336
00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:23,867
Ronald Mondolvia III!
1337
00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:25,785
A pleasure to meet you.
1338
00:53:25,786 --> 00:53:28,080
And this is the
wickedly talented...
1339
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,751
Bill. [clears throat]
My name is Bill.
1340
00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:36,713
Bill Mondolvia. We're
both Mondolvians.
1341
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:40,425
This is my uncle
on my mama's side.
1342
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:43,137
Shit-fuck, can this
man cook a goose.
1343
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,558
What was all that before?
1344
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:50,268
Mondolvia... That's
nobody's surname.
1345
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:51,853
What do you expect, okay?
1346
00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:54,648
I couldn't concentrate. Your
accent was fucking insane.
1347
00:53:54,649 --> 00:53:57,567
- My accent?
- Yes. "Blah, blah, blah."
1348
00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,778
Okay, it wasn't
great, but I mean...
1349
00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:01,404
- My accent? I nailed my accent.
- It doesn't matter.
1350
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:03,114
It doesn't matter,
because there's no way
1351
00:54:03,115 --> 00:54:05,575
they're letting us go back
to see Kevin's agent, okay?
1352
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,077
They've probably
already called security.
1353
00:54:07,078 --> 00:54:08,787
So if security comes,
1354
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:11,081
we just pretend to be
Ronald and Bill Mondolvia,
1355
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:13,083
the very famous
Instagram influencers
1356
00:54:13,084 --> 00:54:14,834
who make unboxing videos.
1357
00:54:14,835 --> 00:54:16,294
What is this?
1358
00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:17,796
We unbox it, and it's
a smaller box, okay?
1359
00:54:17,797 --> 00:54:20,215
No, no, no. She's
going to the loo.
1360
00:54:20,216 --> 00:54:22,008
I don't think that Bill
would call it the loo.
1361
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,510
I feel like he's
more old-school.
1362
00:54:23,511 --> 00:54:25,388
I feel like she's
about to take a shit.
1363
00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:29,016
[whispering] Play it cool.
1364
00:54:30,685 --> 00:54:32,478
Like and subscribe, please!
1365
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:37,107
[whispering] Stop, stop, stop.
Right there, right there.
1366
00:54:37,108 --> 00:54:39,067
Right there, that's
Kevin's agent.
1367
00:54:39,068 --> 00:54:40,777
Who is he talking to?
1368
00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:42,737
[laughing]
1369
00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:44,906
How are you doing, man?
1370
00:54:44,907 --> 00:54:46,866
It's not Kevin.
1371
00:54:46,867 --> 00:54:49,828
[moaning]
1372
00:54:49,829 --> 00:54:51,538
[Cynthia shushes]
1373
00:54:51,539 --> 00:54:52,622
[water sloshing]
1374
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,958
Try not to move.
1375
00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:57,085
Mr. Kevin Hart needs
to regain his strength.
1376
00:54:57,086 --> 00:54:58,670
[Kevin moans]
1377
00:54:58,671 --> 00:55:04,509
As long as it takes,
you'll be here in my house,
1378
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:09,973
listening to my stories,
eating my Christmas pork chops.
1379
00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:12,058
[Kevin moans]
1380
00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:13,936
[Cynthia shushes]
1381
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:20,984
When my husband was wounded
years ago, I couldn't save him,
1382
00:55:20,985 --> 00:55:24,112
but now I've got a
second chance with you,
1383
00:55:24,113 --> 00:55:27,283
Kevin Hart, America's treasure.
1384
00:55:29,577 --> 00:55:31,202
Cynthia's treasure.
1385
00:55:31,203 --> 00:55:33,705
[ominous music]
1386
00:55:33,706 --> 00:55:35,331
[phone ringing]
1387
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:36,458
[Cynthia on phone] Hello?
1388
00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:38,001
Mom, mom, put Kevin on.
1389
00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:39,669
[Cynthia on phone] I
can't. He's sleeping.
1390
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,296
[Andre] It's an emergency.
Put him on right now, mom.
1391
00:55:41,297 --> 00:55:43,381
Come on, wake him up.
1392
00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,091
[Kevin on phone] Hello?
1393
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:47,385
Are you here to rescue me?
I think I've been poisoned.
1394
00:55:47,386 --> 00:55:49,220
Kevin, listen up
very closely, okay?
1395
00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,764
We've just been on a deep-cover
1396
00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:52,432
reconnaissance mission,
and we fucking nailed it.
1397
00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:54,392
[Jordan] Doug is you. You've
been replaced by Doug.
1398
00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,770
[Kevin on phone] Wait, what?
Replaced? I don't understand.
1399
00:55:56,771 --> 00:55:58,354
That's because my
mommy just gave you
1400
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,690
a very low-dose narcotic.
Don't worry about it.
1401
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:02,984
But when you come to,
you have to understand
1402
00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:05,528
that Doug is trying to
convince people that he's you.
1403
00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:07,363
He's fixed his teeth.
He's changed his hair.
1404
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:11,618
I mean, his mannerisms...
Oh, my God, he's... he's you.
1405
00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,912
[Kevin on phone] Yeah, well,
he can't fool my staff.
1406
00:56:13,913 --> 00:56:15,497
They'll know it's not me.
1407
00:56:15,498 --> 00:56:17,165
They're my village.
1408
00:56:17,166 --> 00:56:18,917
[people chanting "Kevin"]
1409
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:22,420
You get a raise.
You get a raise.
1410
00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:23,797
You get a raise.
1411
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:26,382
That's right, everybody
gets a raise, huh?
1412
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,551
You know why?
'Cause I'm Kevin.
1413
00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:30,595
I'm Kevin!
1414
00:56:30,596 --> 00:56:32,514
Sorry, Kevin is
suddenly very tired.
1415
00:56:32,515 --> 00:56:34,099
He needs his rest.
[Jordan] No, no, no, no.
1416
00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:35,433
[Andre on phone] Mom,
no... [Cynthia] Bye.
1417
00:56:35,434 --> 00:56:36,768
[Kevin moans]
1418
00:56:36,769 --> 00:56:38,604
[Cynthia shushes]
1419
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,733
If Kevin wants to
get through to Doug,
1420
00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:48,279
there's only one man he
can talk to, Mr. 206.
1421
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,156
I don't... Who's...
who's Mr. 206?
1422
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:51,741
[Jordan] He's a pretty
famous stuntman,
1423
00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:53,409
and he's Doug's mentor.
1424
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,745
Okay. Okay, fine,
then this is easy.
1425
00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,831
We just take Kevin
to see Mr. 206.
1426
00:56:57,832 --> 00:56:59,666
[Jordan] We? Nope, no way.
1427
00:56:59,667 --> 00:57:02,627
I will not be going to see 206.
1428
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:04,587
He is a complete psychopath.
1429
00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,172
He nearly killed me
in a stunt rehearsal
1430
00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:07,841
and then tried to
make me apologize.
1431
00:57:07,842 --> 00:57:09,551
Jordan, Jordan, Kevin
needs you right now.
1432
00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:11,136
[Jordan] He needs me?
- He does, right now.
1433
00:57:11,137 --> 00:57:12,929
[Jordan] Oh, I thought
Kevin doesn't need anyone,
1434
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,265
until he needs everyone.
1435
00:57:15,266 --> 00:57:18,893
Okay, fine, then I'll
take him to see Mr. 206.
1436
00:57:18,894 --> 00:57:20,353
Why? This is Kevin's problem.
1437
00:57:20,354 --> 00:57:21,896
You should just let
him go on his own.
1438
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,899
No. As long as I'm
Kevin's assistant...
1439
00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:26,234
[revs engine]
1440
00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,112
he'll never drive
himself anywhere.
1441
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:32,490
- It's in neutral.
- I am so sorry.
1442
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:34,784
We're slowing down. I
was trying to go faster.
1443
00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,327
We did the opposite.
1444
00:57:36,328 --> 00:57:38,831
[birds chirping]
1445
00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:52,343
I am so happy my mom was able
to nurse you back to health.
1446
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,887
What did you just say to me?
1447
00:57:53,888 --> 00:57:56,347
The woman put drugs in
my goddamn pork chop.
1448
00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:59,058
- She tried to poison me.
- She's amazing, right?
1449
00:57:59,059 --> 00:58:01,853
Look at you now. Okay,
come on, come on.
1450
00:58:01,854 --> 00:58:03,855
So tell me, why do
they call him 206?
1451
00:58:03,856 --> 00:58:06,149
'Cause there's 206
bones in the human body.
1452
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:08,067
They say, before he became
a mentor in the stunt game,
1453
00:58:08,068 --> 00:58:09,444
that he broke every
single one of 'em.
1454
00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:11,029
Actually, no, it was 205.
1455
00:58:11,030 --> 00:58:12,238
But then, on his
last day of filming,
1456
00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:13,907
they say he broke the 206th one.
1457
00:58:13,908 --> 00:58:15,366
What? Which one was that?
1458
00:58:15,367 --> 00:58:17,035
Pinky toe, right foot, snapped.
1459
00:58:17,036 --> 00:58:18,369
Goddamn.
1460
00:58:18,370 --> 00:58:19,954
[knocking]
1461
00:58:19,955 --> 00:58:21,873
[creaking]
1462
00:58:21,874 --> 00:58:24,418
[Kevin] Uh, hello?
1463
00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,338
Uh, 206?
1464
00:58:28,339 --> 00:58:30,924
Hey, M... Mr. Two
Hundred And Six?
1465
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,343
- It's 2-0-6.
- Right.
1466
00:58:33,344 --> 00:58:36,429
[Mr. 206] Sign says no
soliciting. Go away.
1467
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,848
Yeah, no, we... we didn't
see a sign. There's no sign.
1468
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,266
[Mr. 206] Who took
my fucking sign?
1469
00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:41,643
We didn't take it.
1470
00:58:41,644 --> 00:58:43,519
Hey, either way, we're
not here to solicit.
1471
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,189
We... we're not
selling anything.
1472
00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,149
You don't even recognize
my voice. [laughs]
1473
00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:49,859
You know who's at
the door right now?
1474
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:53,071
This is Kevin Hart,
comedian, actor.
1475
00:58:53,072 --> 00:58:57,992
I just told you... to go...
1476
00:58:57,993 --> 00:58:59,160
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
1477
00:58:59,161 --> 00:59:01,037
The fuck away!
1478
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:03,373
Hey! Shit!
1479
00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:05,792
Come on, baby, it's me.
1480
00:59:05,793 --> 00:59:07,503
- It's me.
- It's Kevin Hart.
1481
00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:11,506
Give me one good
reason why I shouldn't
1482
00:59:11,507 --> 00:59:13,341
kill the both of you right now.
1483
00:59:13,342 --> 00:59:14,968
Kevin's about to have a movie
that's gonna get him an Oscar.
1484
00:59:14,969 --> 00:59:17,887
[Kevin] Well, okay. Wait,
wait, wait. Your protege.
1485
00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:19,764
We're here because of your
protege, Doug Eubanks.
1486
00:59:19,765 --> 00:59:21,391
What about him?
1487
00:59:21,392 --> 00:59:24,394
Well, we... we're here
'cause he's losing his shit.
1488
00:59:24,395 --> 00:59:26,104
Yeah, no, he's absolute...
1489
00:59:26,105 --> 00:59:28,731
That's not true, 'cause
you don't deserve a lie.
1490
00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:30,108
I'm not here to lie to you.
1491
00:59:30,109 --> 00:59:31,694
I'm gonna be honest
with you, man.
1492
00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,821
I screwed him over.
1493
00:59:34,822 --> 00:59:36,406
I screwed him over,
and I'm here because
1494
00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:37,740
I want to make things
right, and I can't do that
1495
00:59:37,741 --> 00:59:40,035
without you, Mr. 206.
1496
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,335
Well, how do you like your tea?
1497
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:51,212
Huh?
1498
00:59:51,213 --> 00:59:53,716
[mystical music]
1499
01:00:05,436 --> 01:00:06,978
Do I make you uncomfortable?
1500
01:00:06,979 --> 01:00:08,980
No. I... I'm just so
nervous for you, sir,
1501
01:00:08,981 --> 01:00:11,232
because you got really
hot tea, and it's just
1502
01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:13,985
right above your balls, so...
1503
01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:17,530
What are you doing?
What are you...
1504
01:00:17,531 --> 01:00:18,823
[pours tea]
1505
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:20,366
[Andre] Oh, my
God, what the fuck?
1506
01:00:20,367 --> 01:00:21,826
[Kevin] Oh, man, come on.
- What the fuck?
1507
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:23,036
Come, on man.
1508
01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:24,454
The ancient Babylonians believed
1509
01:00:24,455 --> 01:00:26,415
that undergarments were
a sign of weakness.
1510
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:30,085
I tend to agree.
1511
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,463
I respect that.
1512
01:00:33,839 --> 01:00:35,673
I respect that.
1513
01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:38,092
I just...
1514
01:00:38,093 --> 01:00:39,553
[clears throat]
1515
01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,015
I just want to,
I wanna thank you
1516
01:00:44,016 --> 01:00:45,683
for taking the time,
'cause I know you didn't...
1517
01:00:45,684 --> 01:00:47,977
Cut the compliments.
Tell me why you're here.
1518
01:00:47,978 --> 01:00:53,399
I, um, I know you're
Doug's mentor, right?
1519
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,984
If there's anyone who
knows how he operates,
1520
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,528
how he thinks, it's...
1521
01:00:57,529 --> 01:00:59,031
I need your help.
1522
01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,330
Watch your eye.
Watch your eye.
1523
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,628
Let's walk.
1524
01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:16,955
Doug Eubanks is more than
just a former student of mine.
1525
01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:20,469
He's my friend, my confidant.
1526
01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,806
Briefly, in 2003,
he was my lover.
1527
01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:27,016
Doug is the most
fearless stunt performer
1528
01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:29,310
that I've ever trained.
1529
01:01:29,311 --> 01:01:31,604
One time, he asked me to
stab him with an ice pick
1530
01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,231
'cause he needed to know
how it felt so he could
1531
01:01:33,232 --> 01:01:34,899
replicate that reaction when
the cameras are rolling.
1532
01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,443
- Did you do it?
- With pleasure.
1533
01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:39,821
As a stuntman, you embrace pain,
1534
01:01:39,822 --> 01:01:41,406
lay your life on the
line for your actor
1535
01:01:41,407 --> 01:01:42,824
every day you step on set.
1536
01:01:42,825 --> 01:01:46,035
And occasionally, an
actor says thanks.
1537
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,162
Sometimes they don't say thanks.
1538
01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:49,872
Sometimes they just fire
you without warning 'cause
1539
01:01:49,873 --> 01:01:51,666
all of a sudden they think
they're John fucking Rambo,
1540
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:54,293
but they're nothing but a
little bitch with a giant ego.
1541
01:01:54,294 --> 01:01:56,254
Yeah, yeah. So, hey, are you
gonna talk to him for me?
1542
01:01:56,255 --> 01:01:58,047
[laughs]
1543
01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,508
Actors talk.
1544
01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,678
Stuntmen... stunt.
1545
01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:07,683
You're gonna have to fight
Doug, and you're gonna lose.
1546
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:10,852
Well, shit, then why are you...
1547
01:02:10,853 --> 01:02:12,228
Why are you even
talking to me, then?
1548
01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,521
Only reason I'm talking to you
1549
01:02:13,522 --> 01:02:15,398
is 'cause every
person is trapped
1550
01:02:15,399 --> 01:02:17,358
in a story of their own design,
and I know the exact story
1551
01:02:17,359 --> 01:02:18,693
you're trapped in.
1552
01:02:18,694 --> 01:02:19,986
Yeah, it's a revenge story.
1553
01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:21,404
It's not revenge.
1554
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,281
It's redemption.
1555
01:02:23,282 --> 01:02:25,075
No, I'm pretty
sure it's revenge.
1556
01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:27,870
What do you really want?
1557
01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,622
I want my life back.
I want to defeat Doug.
1558
01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:34,083
Defeat Doug? Doug's the enemy.
1559
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,294
Doug's the bad guy?
You're the good guy?
1560
01:02:36,295 --> 01:02:37,795
I just want to make sure
I'm hearing this right.
1561
01:02:37,796 --> 01:02:40,798
Okay, maybe we're both bad guys.
1562
01:02:40,799 --> 01:02:42,301
No, Kevin.
1563
01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:45,679
You're both good guys.
1564
01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:51,517
Did you hear that?
1565
01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:53,645
Yeah, I'm trying
to figure it out.
1566
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,398
He fucked Doug.
1567
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,525
I didn't hear that. What?
1568
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:00,985
He fucked Doug.
1569
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,778
I didn't catch that. I was...
1570
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:04,197
Right at the top, he said it.
Right over there, he said...
1571
01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:06,032
No. I saw a
ladybug. I gotta...
1572
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,575
So that means he's kind
of fucked you before.
1573
01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,703
[Kevin] No, no. Wait a
minute, no, he hasn't.
1574
01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:15,751
This is my dojo.
1575
01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:19,670
Well, it kind of looks
like a bunch of trees
1576
01:03:19,671 --> 01:03:21,589
if you ask me, but alright.
1577
01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:24,383
- Goodness gracious.
- Excuse me.
1578
01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:25,927
- Sorry.
- Coming through.
1579
01:03:25,928 --> 01:03:28,304
- Yep. Yep. Sorry.
- Coming through.
1580
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:29,722
You've really gotta
share the trail, guys.
1581
01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:31,349
- It's our fault.
- Sorry.
1582
01:03:31,350 --> 01:03:32,808
We didn't even know it
was a trail, to be honest.
1583
01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:35,353
I had no idea.
1584
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:38,231
So this is where you're gonna
train me to face Doug, huh?
1585
01:03:38,232 --> 01:03:40,066
Let me explain something to you.
1586
01:03:40,067 --> 01:03:43,402
Stuntman's Creed, be thy actor.
1587
01:03:43,403 --> 01:03:46,280
Every role you ever trained
for, Doug trained harder.
1588
01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:48,157
Every martial art
you supposedly learn,
1589
01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:49,825
Doug learned it for real.
1590
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:52,036
He had to, 'cause when
the cameras were rolling,
1591
01:03:52,037 --> 01:03:54,497
it was his ass on the
line, not yours, sitting
1592
01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:56,457
in video village,
sipping lattes,
1593
01:03:56,458 --> 01:03:58,042
eating sushi off of nude models.
1594
01:03:58,043 --> 01:04:00,378
Hey. First of all, I got
a bad case of pinkeye.
1595
01:04:00,379 --> 01:04:02,088
I learned my lesson.
1596
01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:03,589
Hasn't happened since.
1597
01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:05,466
You never appreciated Doug.
1598
01:04:05,467 --> 01:04:06,718
Actors never do.
1599
01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,470
Anyway, I recently learned that
1600
01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,711
there's a lot of people that
I may have underappreciated.
1601
01:04:13,267 --> 01:04:15,184
[Mr. 206] Good, Kevin.
1602
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:17,395
That's growth.
1603
01:04:17,396 --> 01:04:19,981
- See that branch up there?
- Yeah.
1604
01:04:19,982 --> 01:04:21,607
Climb that tree, crawl
out to that branch,
1605
01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:23,234
and give me a dead
drop to the ground.
1606
01:04:23,235 --> 01:04:25,695
[mystical music]
1607
01:04:25,696 --> 01:04:28,114
Uh, how am I supposed to...
1608
01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:30,157
You want to know
how Doug thinks?
1609
01:04:30,158 --> 01:04:31,492
You want to know
how he operates?
1610
01:04:31,493 --> 01:04:33,744
You must see the
world as he sees it,
1611
01:04:33,745 --> 01:04:35,789
without fear,
without hesitation.
1612
01:04:39,501 --> 01:04:40,710
I'm a little scared, though.
1613
01:04:40,711 --> 01:04:42,336
I'm just gonna throw
that out there.
1614
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:44,547
- It's not like I'm...
- I volunteer as tribute.
1615
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:47,341
Damn right you do.
1616
01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:49,176
This is Kevin's journey.
That's his dead-drop branch.
1617
01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:50,636
No, that's what you
don't understand.
1618
01:04:50,637 --> 01:04:52,555
You know why? Because
what's Kevin's is mine.
1619
01:04:52,556 --> 01:04:53,723
- Well...
- Well, right.
1620
01:04:53,724 --> 01:04:55,016
I mean, not your
material wealth.
1621
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:56,225
- Of course, or your income.
- No.
1622
01:04:56,226 --> 01:04:57,768
- Or your success.
- No.
1623
01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:59,103
Or your rare collection of
cars, which are amazing.
1624
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:00,438
- No.
- Right, none of that.
1625
01:05:00,439 --> 01:05:03,733
But his pain, his anguish...
1626
01:05:03,734 --> 01:05:05,693
Basically, anything that's
bad, anything that's bad...
1627
01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:07,696
that's mine, too.
That is my journey.
1628
01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:12,826
- What?
- Brother.
1629
01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:19,248
Oh my gosh.
1630
01:05:19,249 --> 01:05:20,875
[coughing]
1631
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:22,835
What's happening, guys?
1632
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:24,253
Guys, this don't look
good from the back.
1633
01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:25,672
What's going on?
1634
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:28,841
[grunting]
1635
01:05:28,842 --> 01:05:31,261
[screaming]
1636
01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,686
Kevin, you can't
compete with Doug...
1637
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,815
but you clearly have the one
thing he will never have.
1638
01:05:45,609 --> 01:05:47,485
You have a sidekick.
1639
01:05:47,486 --> 01:05:50,279
Andre? No, Andre is my...
1640
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:51,989
Andre's like my...
What would you call it?
1641
01:05:51,990 --> 01:05:53,491
[indistinct chatter]
1642
01:05:53,492 --> 01:05:54,909
No, no, no. No, no.
1643
01:05:54,910 --> 01:05:56,869
- I'm his...
- Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no.
1644
01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,704
Andre's your what? I
want you to say it.
1645
01:05:58,705 --> 01:06:00,206
Well, he was gonna say it, too.
1646
01:06:00,207 --> 01:06:01,832
No, no, he's right
there. Andre's your what?
1647
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,209
You don't have to do this, man.
1648
01:06:03,210 --> 01:06:04,502
He's your what?
1649
01:06:04,503 --> 01:06:05,878
Well, he's my
assistant, my assistant.
1650
01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:07,922
[gibbers] He's your...
1651
01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:09,215
- He's...
- Say it.
1652
01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:10,758
Andre's my...
He's my sidekick.
1653
01:06:10,759 --> 01:06:12,718
- Say it.
- He's... Andre's my sidekick.
1654
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,136
[Mr. 206] Say it.
[Kevin] He's my sidekick.
1655
01:06:14,137 --> 01:06:15,471
[Mr. 206] Yeah, I
need you to say it.
1656
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:17,181
Okay. Andre... Andre
is my sidekick.
1657
01:06:17,182 --> 01:06:18,516
God damn it, Kevin,
I need you to
1658
01:06:18,517 --> 01:06:19,975
fucking say it!
1659
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,310
And I need you to believe it
1660
01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:22,812
deep down in your fucking bones.
1661
01:06:22,813 --> 01:06:26,190
Andre... Andre is my sidekick!
1662
01:06:26,191 --> 01:06:28,609
- Huh?
- I said, Andre is my sidekick!
1663
01:06:28,610 --> 01:06:30,027
Who's your sidekick?
1664
01:06:30,028 --> 01:06:31,696
I said, Andre is my sidekick!
1665
01:06:31,697 --> 01:06:35,574
[Andre] I'm your sidekick!
- Andre is my si...
1666
01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:38,536
I'm your sidekick!
1667
01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,579
What's happening to me, man?
1668
01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,832
[Mr. 206] It's growth, Kevin.
1669
01:06:42,833 --> 01:06:45,126
Growth hurts.
1670
01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:47,879
That's a pain that no
double can take for you.
1671
01:06:50,048 --> 01:06:54,344
You see, Kevin, you came here
seeking a mentor, but it's you.
1672
01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,347
You are the mentor.
1673
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,434
Hell yeah.
1674
01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:04,937
[Mr. 206] You know
what? You know what?
1675
01:07:04,938 --> 01:07:07,774
You two... take
this moment, talk.
1676
01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:10,360
Talk over your new bond.
1677
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,364
I'm gonna go get my tea.
1678
01:07:17,868 --> 01:07:19,618
[Andre] What a fucking day.
1679
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:22,413
[laughs] I mean, now
that I'm essentially,
1680
01:07:22,414 --> 01:07:24,165
I've been deputized
as your sidekick,
1681
01:07:24,166 --> 01:07:26,375
I have an idea for Doug. We
could work together on this.
1682
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:27,960
We gotta get close to him, okay?
1683
01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:29,920
We don't have to record
him or anything like...
1684
01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:31,464
What's wrong? What's wrong?
1685
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:32,840
[ominous music]
1686
01:07:32,841 --> 01:07:34,383
That scar on his hand.
1687
01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:36,594
Yeah?
1688
01:07:36,595 --> 01:07:38,512
I think I recognize that scar.
1689
01:07:38,513 --> 01:07:40,098
[door opens]
1690
01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:52,485
[engine turns over]
1691
01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:54,988
[engine roars]
1692
01:08:04,164 --> 01:08:06,625
[upbeat music]
1693
01:08:13,131 --> 01:08:14,924
[phone ringing]
1694
01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:16,342
[Guard on intercom] We don't
have any scheduled deliveries.
1695
01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:17,635
Please turn around.
1696
01:08:17,636 --> 01:08:19,428
Hey, pal, I got a hot date
1697
01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:22,640
with my old lady in 30
minutes, meatball sub night,
1698
01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:25,059
and all’s I knows
is I got a package
1699
01:08:25,060 --> 01:08:27,311
from Debra Simon at the studio.
1700
01:08:27,312 --> 01:08:29,855
Now, I can either leave it
here, or I can take it home,
1701
01:08:29,856 --> 01:08:31,983
but you gotta tell me
what you want me to do.
1702
01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:36,070
[Guard on intercom] Go ahead.
1703
01:08:36,071 --> 01:08:38,949
That's what I thought. I'll
see you in a bit. Up, up!
1704
01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,660
Okay.
1705
01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:47,957
Hey, Ronald Mondolvia, Mondolvia
Plumbing, license and bonded.
1706
01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,625
You know, some guys are
licensed, not bonded.
1707
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:51,252
Other guys, they're
bonded, not licensed.
1708
01:08:51,253 --> 01:08:53,546
Me, I'm both
licensed and bonded.
1709
01:08:53,547 --> 01:08:55,047
Debra Simon sent a plumber?
1710
01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:57,299
Not a plumber, my
man. The plumber.
1711
01:08:57,300 --> 01:08:59,176
I can plumb anything
with pipes. Fuck it.
1712
01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:00,553
Sometimes I don't
even need pipes.
1713
01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,429
One time I plumbed
a manila envelope.
1714
01:09:02,430 --> 01:09:04,265
Water was spouting
fucking everywhere.
1715
01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:05,683
- It was insane.
- So what's in the van?
1716
01:09:05,684 --> 01:09:07,226
Oh, my God.
1717
01:09:07,227 --> 01:09:09,812
Hold on to your fucking
beautiful, beautiful balls
1718
01:09:09,813 --> 01:09:11,272
because this, my man...
1719
01:09:11,273 --> 01:09:12,398
[knocks]
1720
01:09:12,399 --> 01:09:13,858
It's a commode.
1721
01:09:13,859 --> 01:09:16,485
Imported Italian marble,
beautiful one-piece
1722
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,320
construction, 12-speed bidet.
1723
01:09:18,321 --> 01:09:20,114
We got a little air
fryer on the right.
1724
01:09:20,115 --> 01:09:21,907
You want to cook, eat,
circle of life, shitting,
1725
01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:23,367
eating at the same time,
there's only a couple
1726
01:09:23,368 --> 01:09:24,910
of these in the entire world.
1727
01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,203
This, my friend,
probably one of the best
1728
01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:27,496
presents in the universe.
1729
01:09:27,497 --> 01:09:30,083
So can you, you know, eh?
1730
01:09:34,296 --> 01:09:36,715
[vocalizes]
1731
01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:40,926
You gonna help me fucking
bring it in, or no?
1732
01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,845
Alright, fuck it, whatever.
[Andre] Yeah, okay.
1733
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:45,306
I'll supervise. Pick it up.
1734
01:09:45,307 --> 01:09:47,266
Use your back.
1735
01:09:47,267 --> 01:09:48,559
Whoa, big boy. Big
boy coming through.
1736
01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:50,102
Big boy coming
through. Big boy.
1737
01:09:50,103 --> 01:09:51,854
Okay, Andre has the
guard's attention.
1738
01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:53,147
Okay.
1739
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,815
You sure you're ready for this?
1740
01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:57,234
In our family, if an
A-list actor is in trouble,
1741
01:09:57,235 --> 01:09:59,737
we don't stand quietly by.
1742
01:09:59,738 --> 01:10:02,407
We fight, and if
we must, we die.
1743
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:08,412
Wow, well, the world could
use more people like...
1744
01:10:08,413 --> 01:10:09,788
Wait, what is your last name?
1745
01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:11,166
Oh, Mondolvia.
1746
01:10:15,921 --> 01:10:17,379
Where the hell
does this thing go?
1747
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:20,674
Oh, that is the
million-dollar question, huh?
1748
01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:22,468
Let me think about this.
1749
01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:25,679
Well, you could powder-room it,
show it off like a prize pony,
1750
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:28,557
or you put it in the main bath.
1751
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,559
Keep all that for yourself, hmm?
1752
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,519
Now, there's a third
option, alright?
1753
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,356
Listen up closely 'cause
this one's fucking insane.
1754
01:10:35,357 --> 01:10:37,775
You can put the
commode right here,
1755
01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:40,110
smack dab in the middle
of the living room,
1756
01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:42,988
and you take a big,
greasy shit right here,
1757
01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:44,365
look everybody
right in the eyes,
1758
01:10:44,366 --> 01:10:46,575
make them wonder
what your deal is.
1759
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,369
And I know what you're
thinking, holy shit,
1760
01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,454
that's aggressive, right?
1761
01:10:50,455 --> 01:10:51,789
But they'll respect
the shit out of you.
1762
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:53,123
Wait a minute, don't I know you?
1763
01:10:53,124 --> 01:10:55,417
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
1764
01:10:55,418 --> 01:10:57,211
[yells] Yeah, boop,
boop, boop, boop.
1765
01:10:57,212 --> 01:10:59,129
Yeah, yeah. Oh, you
know what it is?
1766
01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:00,589
Isn't this the place
you took a shit
1767
01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:01,840
so big up there that
people thought there
1768
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,425
was a dog loose in the pipes?
1769
01:11:03,426 --> 01:11:04,885
How the hell am I
gonna take a shit...
1770
01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,303
Man, what are you
talking about? No.
1771
01:11:06,304 --> 01:11:07,805
- Wasn't that you?
- No.
1772
01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:09,390
- No?
- A dog in the pipes?
1773
01:11:09,391 --> 01:11:10,641
[Andre] Maybe it
was a dachshund.
1774
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:11,892
Looked like a
dachshund, your big...
1775
01:11:11,893 --> 01:11:13,394
[fireworks exploding]
1776
01:11:13,395 --> 01:11:14,603
- Oh, no, is that the dog?
- Wait right here.
1777
01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:16,146
I'll deal with you in a minute.
1778
01:11:16,147 --> 01:11:18,399
Yeah, I'm gonna wait right
here in New York City,
1779
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,776
you know what I mean?
1780
01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,987
Kevin? Kevin, are
you okay, baby?
1781
01:11:22,988 --> 01:11:24,405
Everything went
incredible up here.
1782
01:11:24,406 --> 01:11:25,906
You alright? [Kevin]
Yeah, I'm alright.
1783
01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:28,033
Sweating my goddamn
ass off, though.
1784
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:30,119
Jesus Christ, how you
ain't cut no holes in here?
1785
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:31,829
Let's get you out of here
and kick some fucking ass.
1786
01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:33,414
What do you say, huh?
[Kevin] Alright, come on.
1787
01:11:33,415 --> 01:11:34,833
- Let's go.
- Yes!
1788
01:11:36,501 --> 01:11:38,712
[fireworks whistling]
1789
01:11:49,264 --> 01:11:51,473
- What are you doing?
- Funny story.
1790
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,933
You're gonna lose
your goddamn mind.
1791
01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:56,353
I drilled this puppy
a little bit too hard.
1792
01:11:56,354 --> 01:11:58,856
I can't get it out without
the aid of some tools.
1793
01:11:58,857 --> 01:12:00,441
So give me a second. I'm
gonna grab some tools.
1794
01:12:00,442 --> 01:12:02,443
I'll be right back.
Okay, talk soon.
1795
01:12:02,444 --> 01:12:04,069
Hey, Andre, you
better stop playing.
1796
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:06,864
Seriously, man. Andre?
1797
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:08,450
[knocks] Andre?
1798
01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,120
[fireworks whistling]
1799
01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:19,877
Hey, were those fireworks?
1800
01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:22,880
I live next door, at
the Mondolvia estate.
1801
01:12:22,881 --> 01:12:25,591
Did you set those off? You
know that that is illegal.
1802
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:28,260
They're not ours. I don't
know who set these off.
1803
01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:30,596
Well, it scared the
bejesus out of me,
1804
01:12:30,597 --> 01:12:32,556
and I have a pacemaker.
1805
01:12:32,557 --> 01:12:34,516
What do you have to
say for yourself?
1806
01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:36,226
Look, lady, I told you,
they're not my fireworks,
1807
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:38,103
and I didn't shit in any pipes!
1808
01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:39,313
What?
1809
01:12:39,314 --> 01:12:40,732
[electricity crackling]
1810
01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:46,321
That's for Andre.
1811
01:12:51,910 --> 01:12:52,910
[Kevin knocks]
1812
01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:54,119
[Kevin] Andre?
1813
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,370
[knocks]
1814
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,123
Andre? Come on,
man, I'm serious.
1815
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,751
There you go. What
took you so long?
1816
01:13:00,752 --> 01:13:03,045
Where you go? Leaving
me in this box
1817
01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:05,214
with all that goddamn
quiet. Don't do that.
1818
01:13:05,215 --> 01:13:07,549
[chainsaw starts]
1819
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:09,593
The fuck is that?
1820
01:13:09,594 --> 01:13:10,761
Hey.
1821
01:13:10,762 --> 01:13:12,221
[chainsaw revs]
1822
01:13:12,222 --> 01:13:13,764
Andre, that's a
chainsaw? Okay, hold on.
1823
01:13:13,765 --> 01:13:15,224
Wait, wait, wait.
1824
01:13:15,225 --> 01:13:17,309
[shouting indiscernibly]
1825
01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:19,520
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.
1826
01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:22,022
Slow it down. Slow it
down. Slow it down!
1827
01:13:22,023 --> 01:13:23,774
You're gonna cut
my fucking head!
1828
01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:25,442
You're gonna cut my head!
1829
01:13:25,443 --> 01:13:29,071
No more chainsaw.
No more chainsaw!
1830
01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,198
No more chainsaw, okay?
1831
01:13:31,199 --> 01:13:33,200
Jesus Christ.
1832
01:13:33,201 --> 01:13:35,828
Shit. What the fuck, Andre?
1833
01:13:35,829 --> 01:13:38,581
Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, shit.
1834
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,084
On behalf of stunt
actors everywhere,
1835
01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:47,089
I'm excited to say, this
is your day of reckoning!
1836
01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:49,174
[laughs maniacally]
1837
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:51,176
Hold up!
1838
01:13:51,177 --> 01:13:52,803
Trying to tell me a big old
stunt legend like yourself
1839
01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:55,597
need a chainsaw?
1840
01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:56,891
Huh?
1841
01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:01,562
That's what the fuck I'm
talking about. Two men.
1842
01:14:01,563 --> 01:14:04,189
How about two dogs in
a bowl? I want to eat.
1843
01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:06,233
[barking]
1844
01:14:06,234 --> 01:14:08,402
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1845
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,987
Oh, you got a knife.
1846
01:14:09,988 --> 01:14:13,282
Big old man like
yourself, stunt legend,
1847
01:14:13,283 --> 01:14:15,284
you need a knife
for little old me?
1848
01:14:15,285 --> 01:14:16,702
That's what you need?
1849
01:14:16,703 --> 01:14:18,203
Fuck it.
1850
01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,788
I'll kill you with my
hands. [Kevin] What?
1851
01:14:19,789 --> 01:14:21,207
[hyperventilating]
1852
01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,880
Yeah, you know this
ain't go too good for you
1853
01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:30,090
in that little, shitty hallway.
1854
01:14:30,091 --> 01:14:32,509
Man, Jordan whooped your ass.
1855
01:14:32,510 --> 01:14:35,971
Mask I was wearing was 100
percent polyester, unbreathable.
1856
01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:37,431
Sweating into my contacts.
1857
01:14:37,432 --> 01:14:38,849
Hell, a child could
have kicked my ass.
1858
01:14:38,850 --> 01:14:40,225
Oh, that's a real
elaborate excuse,
1859
01:14:40,226 --> 01:14:41,811
don't you think?
Superman punch!
1860
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:46,649
Oh, shit!
1861
01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,235
Ah, shit.
1862
01:14:53,948 --> 01:14:55,616
[bones crack]
1863
01:14:55,617 --> 01:14:57,618
Shit. Andre!
1864
01:14:57,619 --> 01:14:59,661
Andre, do the sidekick stuff!
1865
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:02,247
I made all that shit
up about your sidekick.
1866
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,082
You think I'd help you?
1867
01:15:04,083 --> 01:15:07,628
You think I'd put a
greedy, unappreciative,
1868
01:15:07,629 --> 01:15:09,713
overrated actor over a stuntman?
1869
01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:12,758
[laughs] I just thought
it'd be fun to give you
1870
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,469
some false hope before you died.
1871
01:15:15,470 --> 01:15:18,263
[screams] Shit! Yo,
you gonna break my arm!
1872
01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:20,265
Yeah, and every other
one of the 206 bones
1873
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:23,310
in your body, and then
I'm gonna eat your ass.
1874
01:15:23,311 --> 01:15:25,771
I knew it. I knew
you were a ass-eater.
1875
01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:27,106
[Kevin cries]
1876
01:15:28,566 --> 01:15:30,109
[grunting]
1877
01:15:32,237 --> 01:15:33,570
Oh, hey. [Kevin]
I'll stab you.
1878
01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:34,947
Cute knife. What are
you gonna do with that?
1879
01:15:34,948 --> 01:15:38,075
You gonna hurt me
with that? Huh, huh?
1880
01:15:38,076 --> 01:15:40,536
No, but she is.
1881
01:15:43,539 --> 01:15:44,874
Oh, shit.
1882
01:15:46,209 --> 01:15:47,417
Oh, you got him.
1883
01:15:47,418 --> 01:15:48,794
It's... Okay.
1884
01:15:48,795 --> 01:15:51,129
Um, holy shit.
1885
01:15:51,130 --> 01:15:53,131
Okay, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
1886
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:55,300
Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey,
look at me. Look at me.
1887
01:15:55,301 --> 01:15:58,220
Eyes. You good.
1888
01:15:58,221 --> 01:16:00,264
Thirsty.
1889
01:16:00,265 --> 01:16:02,808
- You what?
- Th... thirsty.
1890
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:04,894
Well, get you
something to drink.
1891
01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:08,605
You fucking threw a
knife in his head.
1892
01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:11,566
I didn't know what else to
do. I meant for his shoulder.
1893
01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:13,151
How did you mean
for his shoulder?
1894
01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,820
Fucking size of the fireplace.
1895
01:16:14,821 --> 01:16:16,489
That's him.
1896
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,909
He's awake. It's a good sign.
1897
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,911
It's a good thing. Look,
he's fine. He's fine.
1898
01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:24,204
[Kevin] What are you
talking, he's fine?
1899
01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:26,039
[Jordan] I mean, he's...
1900
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,917
He's a fucking zombie. What
do you mean, he's fine?
1901
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,253
[Cynthia] Oh, god, he's
gonna burn himself.
1902
01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,005
He's gonna get a burn on
his hand or something.
1903
01:16:33,006 --> 01:16:34,339
It's not really the worst thing
1904
01:16:34,340 --> 01:16:35,507
that could happen to
him at this point.
1905
01:16:35,508 --> 01:16:37,134
[Jordan] That's true.
- Oh.
1906
01:16:37,135 --> 01:16:38,927
Hey! There he is.
1907
01:16:38,928 --> 01:16:40,221
How you doing, man?
1908
01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:42,974
Jesus Christ.
1909
01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:46,184
- He's okay.
- He's just taking a nap.
1910
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:47,811
He's not dead. He's fine.
1911
01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:49,187
- He's okay?
- Yeah.
1912
01:16:49,188 --> 01:16:51,773
Wait, where's Andre?
1913
01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:53,692
Where's my sweet boy?
1914
01:16:53,693 --> 01:16:56,570
[Doug] Don't you worry,
'cause I found him.
1915
01:16:56,571 --> 01:16:58,739
[Andre] Alright, I'm sorry.
1916
01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:01,033
I made an oopsie-daisy.
I got captured.
1917
01:17:01,034 --> 01:17:03,160
I thought I heard your voice,
but it wasn't your voice.
1918
01:17:03,161 --> 01:17:04,953
It was his voice. I'm the
worst sidekick in the world.
1919
01:17:04,954 --> 01:17:06,496
- Hey, shut up.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1920
01:17:06,497 --> 01:17:07,831
- Shut up.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1921
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:10,000
You hurt one hair
on my son's head,
1922
01:17:10,001 --> 01:17:12,210
I swear to God, motherfucker,
1923
01:17:12,211 --> 01:17:16,089
I will split you
from chin to balls.
1924
01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,799
- Who the fuck are you?
- That's my mom.
1925
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:19,968
I love you, mom. If I
die, I love you in heaven.
1926
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,678
What the hell is your
mother doing here, boy?
1927
01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:24,598
I'm here for moral
support, and I love him.
1928
01:17:24,599 --> 01:17:26,058
[Andre] I love you, mom.
1929
01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:28,060
But I will fuck you up!
1930
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:29,561
- Try me!
- Mom...
1931
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,396
I love you.
1932
01:17:31,397 --> 01:17:33,398
How come y'all
don't have no guns?
1933
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,983
'Cause we're not here
to kill anybody, Doug.
1934
01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:37,819
Oh. Oh, is that right?
1935
01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:40,489
Then where's Mr. 206 at?
1936
01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:43,242
He's... making breakfast.
1937
01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,707
[crying] This is a
fucking joke to you.
1938
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,335
It's a fucking joke to you.
1939
01:17:53,336 --> 01:17:55,420
[crying]
1940
01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:57,881
Shut your ass up.
Fuck you crying for?
1941
01:17:57,882 --> 01:18:02,511
- 'Cause I can feel your...
- That man was my mentor.
1942
01:18:02,512 --> 01:18:06,056
He was my muse, my rock.
1943
01:18:06,057 --> 01:18:07,933
And in 2003, for a brief period
1944
01:18:07,934 --> 01:18:10,310
where I was confused about my
sexuality, he was my lover.
1945
01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:12,187
- Okay.
- Sounds like a very special...
1946
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:13,522
Shut your ass up. Don't...
1947
01:18:13,523 --> 01:18:15,440
[Kevin] Hey, hey,
hey, listen to me.
1948
01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:17,692
Doug, we are sorry
for your loss, man.
1949
01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,236
- So sorry.
- We're sorry.
1950
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:23,240
Oh. Oh, you're
sorry, huh? Hmm?
1951
01:18:23,241 --> 01:18:25,700
See, y'all are a
bunch of brainiacs.
1952
01:18:25,701 --> 01:18:27,035
I thought I had all you dead
1953
01:18:27,036 --> 01:18:29,454
in that goddamn
business offices, I did.
1954
01:18:29,455 --> 01:18:30,914
[Kevin] Alright, Doug.
1955
01:18:30,915 --> 01:18:33,542
Doug, listen to me.
Don't you hurt him, man.
1956
01:18:33,543 --> 01:18:35,502
You hear me? Don't hurt him.
1957
01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:38,255
[Doug] Oh, 'cause you
care all of a sudden, hm?
1958
01:18:38,256 --> 01:18:41,466
All of a sudden, you got
a fucking heart, Tin Man?
1959
01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:43,468
You don't care about nothing.
1960
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:46,471
This man ain't nothing
but an employee of yours,
1961
01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:49,349
which means he's disposable.
Ain't that right? Hmm?
1962
01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,268
[Kevin] That's not true.
1963
01:18:51,269 --> 01:18:53,062
The man is the complete
opposite of that.
1964
01:18:54,689 --> 01:18:57,524
- Andre is 34 years old.
- 35.
1965
01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:58,984
He's left-handed.
1966
01:18:58,985 --> 01:19:00,569
Right-handed.
1967
01:19:00,570 --> 01:19:01,903
Afraid of scorpions.
1968
01:19:01,904 --> 01:19:03,697
[Andre] I love scorpions.
1969
01:19:03,698 --> 01:19:05,157
He won a sixth-grade
spelling bee.
1970
01:19:05,158 --> 01:19:06,700
I got fourth place.
1971
01:19:06,701 --> 01:19:08,285
He memorized every single
line of House Party,
1972
01:19:08,286 --> 01:19:09,578
both Kid's and Play's.
1973
01:19:09,579 --> 01:19:10,912
- You did that.
- I did do that.
1974
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:12,497
That is me.
1975
01:19:12,498 --> 01:19:15,792
Andre is the one man that
I cannot live without.
1976
01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:17,794
[Andre] I'm with
you, ride or die,
1977
01:19:17,795 --> 01:19:19,129
although I was hoping
for a little bit
1978
01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,547
more ride and a little less die.
1979
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:22,299
I think I'm gonna die,
like, really soon.
1980
01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:23,508
- Enough, enough.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1981
01:19:23,509 --> 01:19:26,011
Doug, now stop it.
1982
01:19:26,012 --> 01:19:27,804
You don't even want him, man.
1983
01:19:27,805 --> 01:19:30,140
You want me. I'm the
one who messed up.
1984
01:19:30,141 --> 01:19:33,310
I'm the one that threw you
out like Tuesday's trash
1985
01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:35,770
and left you on the
side of the goddamn curb
1986
01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:38,023
without the blink of
an eye. I did that.
1987
01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:42,235
You want me, not
him, so let him go.
1988
01:19:42,236 --> 01:19:44,821
Let him go and take me.
1989
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,907
That's what you want? You
want me to let him go?
1990
01:19:46,908 --> 01:19:48,575
Hmm? Say it. Say it again.
1991
01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:50,160
I want you to let him go.
1992
01:19:50,161 --> 01:19:52,412
- Mama, how about you?
- Please let him go.
1993
01:19:52,413 --> 01:19:53,538
[Doug] Let him go, huh?
[Andre] Will you let me go?
1994
01:19:53,539 --> 01:19:54,789
You want me to let you go?
1995
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:56,124
Please, Doug.
That'd be so nice.
1996
01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:57,834
Everybody telling
me to let you go.
1997
01:19:57,835 --> 01:19:59,252
I should just let you go. Hey,
mama, I'm gonna let him go.
1998
01:19:59,253 --> 01:20:01,463
- Thank you.
- Make sure you watch, hmm?
1999
01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:02,839
- You watching?
- Thank you.
2000
01:20:02,840 --> 01:20:04,925
- Now get your ass...
- Ah!
2001
01:20:04,926 --> 01:20:06,676
[Kevin] Oh, shit!
- Oh, no.
2002
01:20:06,677 --> 01:20:09,554
Oh, my, he let go.
He literally let go.
2003
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:12,557
- Yeah, I let him go good.
- Doug, this ends now.
2004
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:16,853
[Doug] Oh, well, that's
okay with me, Little Boots.
2005
01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:17,938
[gunfire]
2006
01:20:17,939 --> 01:20:20,649
You want to do it the hard way?
2007
01:20:20,650 --> 01:20:24,152
Then let's do it the
hard way, motherfucker.
2008
01:20:24,153 --> 01:20:25,696
I got your ass.
2009
01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:30,283
[whimpering] Honey, oh...
2010
01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:31,743
My baby's alive!
2011
01:20:31,744 --> 01:20:33,078
[Kevin] He's alive.
[Cynthia] He's alive.
2012
01:20:33,079 --> 01:20:34,788
I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm fine.
2013
01:20:34,789 --> 01:20:37,374
The table actually broke
my fall. Did you see me?
2014
01:20:37,375 --> 01:20:40,585
That was the dead drop I
never got to do in the woods.
2015
01:20:40,586 --> 01:20:41,878
That was my tribute
to you, Kevin.
2016
01:20:41,879 --> 01:20:43,171
Hey, come on.
Let's get you up.
2017
01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:44,881
[groans]
2018
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:46,383
[Jordan] Take it easy.
2019
01:20:46,384 --> 01:20:47,801
Okay, we gotta get
him... Oh, my God.
2020
01:20:47,802 --> 01:20:48,843
What happened?
What's going on?
2021
01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:50,387
[Cynthia] Nothing.
2022
01:20:50,388 --> 01:20:52,889
[Jordan] A tiny, tiny
bit of the table just...
2023
01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,099
Where is it? What part of it?
2024
01:20:54,100 --> 01:20:55,183
[clamoring]
2025
01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:56,393
[Kevin] Don't touch it.
2026
01:20:56,394 --> 01:20:58,019
- Listen, listen.
- Why, why, why?
2027
01:20:58,020 --> 01:20:59,854
Don't touch it. It's
nothing. It's nothing crazy.
2028
01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:01,273
It's a little
splinter. It's fine.
2029
01:21:01,274 --> 01:21:03,441
Get the tweezers.
Let's get it out.
2030
01:21:03,442 --> 01:21:05,026
Why are you holding me back?
2031
01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:06,611
- Get it out!
- Stop fiddling with it.
2032
01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:07,904
[Kevin] Yeah, stop for
us. [Cynthia] Come on.
2033
01:21:07,905 --> 01:21:09,447
Let's go get him to a hospital.
2034
01:21:09,448 --> 01:21:11,199
It feels like something's
in my kidney, right?
2035
01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:12,701
- When I walk, at least.
- Come on.
2036
01:21:12,702 --> 01:21:13,994
[Andre moaning]
2037
01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,662
Okay. Jesus.
2038
01:21:15,663 --> 01:21:17,205
[dramatic music]
2039
01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:19,207
What the hell is that?
2040
01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:21,209
Oh, I installed
customizable lights in here,
2041
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,086
but you never had time
to learn how to use 'em.
2042
01:21:23,087 --> 01:21:27,425
[Doug] All them years I
was your stuntman, Kevin.
2043
01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:30,677
Get him to the hospital, mom.
2044
01:21:30,678 --> 01:21:32,596
- Jordan, come with me.
- Okay, be careful.
2045
01:21:32,597 --> 01:21:34,055
Come on, honey. Help me out.
2046
01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:35,640
[Doug] See, Kevin, it wasn't
2047
01:21:35,641 --> 01:21:38,893
just taking falls and
getting kicked in the face
2048
01:21:38,894 --> 01:21:41,563
and getting set on fire. Uh-uh.
2049
01:21:41,564 --> 01:21:44,691
That's not all I was doing
to make you look good.
2050
01:21:44,692 --> 01:21:48,528
You remember Justice
Squad Part Two?
2051
01:21:48,529 --> 01:21:52,240
You decided to gain 30
pounds for the part.
2052
01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:56,036
That meant that I had to
gain 30 pounds, too, Kevin.
2053
01:21:56,037 --> 01:21:58,163
I'm a freaking diabetic,
you selfish fuck.
2054
01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:00,290
- I almost put myself in a coma.
- Okay, hey.
2055
01:22:00,291 --> 01:22:03,918
Hey, Doug, easy, alright?
2056
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,337
I'm sorry, man.
I made a mistake.
2057
01:22:05,338 --> 01:22:07,255
Shut your ass up.
[Andre] Mom, no.
2058
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,799
Mom, no. Mom, no.
Mom, I can't leave.
2059
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:11,718
No, I'm not gonna let you die.
2060
01:22:11,719 --> 01:22:14,054
- I'm not losing another.
- Mom, mom, listen, okay?
2061
01:22:14,055 --> 01:22:15,930
Look at me.
2062
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:18,183
I... I know you wish you
could have saved dad.
2063
01:22:18,184 --> 01:22:19,893
[sobs] Yeah.
2064
01:22:19,894 --> 01:22:21,686
I know, I know, but
this is different.
2065
01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:23,772
I'm not just Kevin's assistant.
2066
01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:26,274
I'm his sidekick,
and you want to know
2067
01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:28,610
the first rule of sidekick?
2068
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,195
- Do no harm?
- No.
2069
01:22:30,196 --> 01:22:32,072
That's doctor's, mom.
2070
01:22:32,073 --> 01:22:34,407
The first rule of sidekick
is there is no sidekick.
2071
01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:35,700
That's "Fight Club," mom.
2072
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:36,868
You know that. Brad
Pitt's in that.
2073
01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:38,203
Ed Norton's in that, Mom!
2074
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:39,829
Just tell me, then.
2075
01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:41,998
[Kevin] Okay, listen to
me, and listen good, man.
2076
01:22:41,999 --> 01:22:44,084
Back when I was a sidekick,
I was always jealous
2077
01:22:44,085 --> 01:22:46,836
of the lead actor and
all the glory they got.
2078
01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:48,171
And I told myself, Doug,
2079
01:22:48,172 --> 01:22:50,006
I said, when I
become a lead actor,
2080
01:22:50,007 --> 01:22:51,925
I'm gonna get that
same glory. I want it.
2081
01:22:51,926 --> 01:22:55,095
I want to taste
that. And I did.
2082
01:22:55,096 --> 01:22:56,596
But when I tasted it,
I handled it wrong.
2083
01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:59,849
I was selfish. I
was stupid, man.
2084
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:01,559
And now I realize how
much I need my village.
2085
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:05,188
And, Doug, you're a part
of that village, okay?
2086
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:07,857
I need you. I fucking
need you, man.
2087
01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:10,735
Give me a chance to
make it up to you.
2088
01:23:10,736 --> 01:23:14,406
Give me a chance to prove to
you that this is what I want,
2089
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:17,200
that... that I want
you, I need you.
2090
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:18,451
How about I give you the chance
2091
01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,787
to suck my dick, hmm?
2092
01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,831
I'm living the life, boy.
2093
01:23:22,832 --> 01:23:25,125
I'm in your goddamn mansion.
2094
01:23:25,126 --> 01:23:27,544
Hmm? I live here.
2095
01:23:27,545 --> 01:23:29,295
I got your career.
2096
01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,131
Your agents love me.
2097
01:23:31,132 --> 01:23:33,967
Them boys love me good, got me a
part in a movie and everything.
2098
01:23:33,968 --> 01:23:35,343
I'm about to be Chucky
in the new Child's Play.
2099
01:23:35,344 --> 01:23:36,928
- You took that shit?
- Step back.
2100
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:39,472
Get back before I goddamn
skin your fucking lip.
2101
01:23:39,473 --> 01:23:42,434
And I signed up for a
new Woody Allen movie.
2102
01:23:42,435 --> 01:23:44,436
Can't wait to see the
press around that.
2103
01:23:44,437 --> 01:23:45,854
[laughs wheezily]
2104
01:23:45,855 --> 01:23:48,148
No, no, no, no. Come
on, come on, come on.
2105
01:23:48,149 --> 01:23:49,941
Come on, wake up.
Wake up. Come on.
2106
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:53,403
[cries out] What?
What's happening?
2107
01:23:53,404 --> 01:23:55,363
I think what you were
2108
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:58,158
about to do was to try to
convince me that even though
2109
01:23:58,159 --> 01:24:02,162
you've been impaled
by a large piece of
2110
01:24:02,163 --> 01:24:05,248
restoration hardware, you
want to go back in there
2111
01:24:05,249 --> 01:24:07,792
and fight some lunatic
2112
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:12,297
who is physically superior
to you in every possible way
2113
01:24:12,298 --> 01:24:15,175
because you're not
just his sidekick.
2114
01:24:15,176 --> 01:24:17,178
You're his best friend.
2115
01:24:19,472 --> 01:24:21,097
You're goddamn right I am.
2116
01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:23,099
So why go through
all this trouble?
2117
01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:26,102
The Swedish actor,
the torture chamber.
2118
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:29,647
You think it's easy stealing
a man's identity, hmm?
2119
01:24:29,648 --> 01:24:31,107
You think it's as easy
as stealing his face?
2120
01:24:31,108 --> 01:24:33,026
Well, it's not, Little Pretty.
2121
01:24:33,027 --> 01:24:34,819
It's much harder than that.
2122
01:24:34,820 --> 01:24:37,322
Had to get his goddamn
fingerprints first.
2123
01:24:37,323 --> 01:24:40,200
After that, I had to take
all your goddamn passwords.
2124
01:24:40,201 --> 01:24:43,536
Once I got that, I said,
we get your voice ID.
2125
01:24:43,537 --> 01:24:45,371
All the other secrets
that you hold, I got it.
2126
01:24:45,372 --> 01:24:46,956
I got it good.
2127
01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:49,751
So now you have everything
you need to be Kevin.
2128
01:24:49,752 --> 01:24:52,212
You even removed your mole,
you sick son of a bitch.
2129
01:24:52,213 --> 01:24:53,671
[Doug] Yeah, I did.
2130
01:24:53,672 --> 01:24:55,215
You know why?
2131
01:24:55,216 --> 01:24:57,217
'Cause I'm Kevin
Hart. I'm Kevin Hart.
2132
01:24:57,218 --> 01:24:58,760
I got all the
money in the world.
2133
01:24:58,761 --> 01:25:00,303
I got the best
dermatologist in the world
2134
01:25:00,304 --> 01:25:02,013
'cause I'm Kevin
Hart. [laughs]
2135
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,640
Dr. Sanchez would never touch
2136
01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:04,849
that rough-ass skin of yours.
2137
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,643
But she did,
motherfucker. She did!
2138
01:25:06,644 --> 01:25:08,102
[Kevin] Ah, shit!
2139
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:10,648
[all grunting]
2140
01:25:22,076 --> 01:25:23,743
No, boy.
2141
01:25:23,744 --> 01:25:26,246
Smack your ass. No, no!
2142
01:25:26,247 --> 01:25:27,873
- Ah, ah. Hold on.
- What?
2143
01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:30,751
Superman punch!
2144
01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:37,507
No, not today.
2145
01:25:37,508 --> 01:25:38,883
Oh.
2146
01:25:38,884 --> 01:25:40,468
[groans]
2147
01:25:40,469 --> 01:25:42,971
[Doug] I told you.
- Ah, you stupid little bitch.
2148
01:25:42,972 --> 01:25:45,890
Wasn't done with you, hmm?
2149
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:49,727
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
2150
01:25:49,728 --> 01:25:51,020
See, I got your body.
2151
01:25:51,021 --> 01:25:52,480
Doug, you ain't got
to do this, man.
2152
01:25:52,481 --> 01:25:53,898
- Give me a chance.
- But now...
2153
01:25:53,899 --> 01:25:55,191
Doug, no!
2154
01:25:55,192 --> 01:25:56,734
Now I want your soul.
2155
01:25:56,735 --> 01:25:57,986
Don't take my soul.
2156
01:25:57,987 --> 01:25:59,696
I'm gonna get your fucking soul.
2157
01:25:59,697 --> 01:26:03,199
What's happened to me? What
the fuck you just do to me?
2158
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:05,827
Oh, shit.
2159
01:26:05,828 --> 01:26:07,787
Just stab me in my
goddamn scapula, boy?
2160
01:26:07,788 --> 01:26:09,289
- Hey!
- Huh?
2161
01:26:09,290 --> 01:26:11,332
That's a wrap on Doug.
2162
01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:14,502
Oh, got me good.
2163
01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:16,005
Motherfucker!
2164
01:26:18,841 --> 01:26:20,050
[gasps]
2165
01:26:25,139 --> 01:26:27,724
Hold on, Andre, is
that the piece of wood
2166
01:26:27,725 --> 01:26:29,434
that was lodged in your side?
2167
01:26:29,435 --> 01:26:31,185
Sidekick for life.
2168
01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:33,730
No, Andre, that was supposed to
stay in to stop the bleeding.
2169
01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,440
[Cynthia] I told him
it was a dumb idea,
2170
01:26:35,441 --> 01:26:37,150
but does he listen to his mom?
2171
01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:38,401
I'd do anything for you, man.
2172
01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:40,320
Hey, hey, look at me.
2173
01:26:40,321 --> 01:26:42,197
You're the best damn
sidekick I ever seen.
2174
01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,782
Alright, guys, call the cops.
2175
01:26:44,783 --> 01:26:47,952
Stay with Doug until
they get here, okay?
2176
01:26:47,953 --> 01:26:50,121
I've gotta get you
to the hospital.
2177
01:26:50,122 --> 01:26:51,999
This time, I'm driving.
2178
01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,836
You know, actually, I will
drive. I'm gonna drive.
2179
01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,212
I saw the way you
drove last time,
2180
01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:00,298
so I think I'll
take it from here.
2181
01:27:00,299 --> 01:27:01,507
- Why don't we just...
- We'll figure it out.
2182
01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:02,842
We'll figure it out.
2183
01:27:02,843 --> 01:27:04,218
Yeah, but I'll use
my feet and hands,
2184
01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:05,470
and you can sit on
my lap or some shit.
2185
01:27:05,471 --> 01:27:07,388
He's in shock. I
got you, buddy.
2186
01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:09,223
Keep an eye on Doug.
2187
01:27:09,224 --> 01:27:10,768
I got you, buddy.
2188
01:27:12,937 --> 01:27:15,188
[Kevin] I mean, I was foolish.
2189
01:27:15,189 --> 01:27:18,900
I let my ego run the
show, and I'm honestly,
2190
01:27:18,901 --> 01:27:21,861
I'm lucky to be
alive. We both are.
2191
01:27:21,862 --> 01:27:23,738
Why is he here with us again?
2192
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:26,866
[chuckles] 'Cause he's
a vital part of my team.
2193
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:28,368
Ah, okay.
2194
01:27:28,369 --> 01:27:30,036
[Jordan] Hi, hi, hi. Sorry.
2195
01:27:30,037 --> 01:27:32,289
- Sorry I'm late.
- And so is she.
2196
01:27:33,999 --> 01:27:35,291
And so are they.
2197
01:27:35,292 --> 01:27:38,086
[cheering]
2198
01:27:38,087 --> 01:27:40,713
Alright. Who is
the older lady?
2199
01:27:40,714 --> 01:27:42,674
Are you talking about
that gorgeous woman
2200
01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:44,717
in the back? That's my mama.
2201
01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:47,011
Mama, how's the food?
2202
01:27:47,012 --> 01:27:48,972
Oh, it's so confusing.
2203
01:27:48,973 --> 01:27:50,640
[Andre] Yeah. [Cynthia]
I love it, though.
2204
01:27:50,641 --> 01:27:52,684
[Kevin] I'm not really
sure what her role is yet.
2205
01:27:52,685 --> 01:27:54,769
We're still trying to
iron out the kinks.
2206
01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:56,729
But what I do know
is it takes a village
2207
01:27:56,730 --> 01:27:58,022
to operate the
world of Kevin Hart,
2208
01:27:58,023 --> 01:27:59,649
and she's a villager.
2209
01:27:59,650 --> 01:28:01,025
[whispering]
What's a villager?
2210
01:28:01,026 --> 01:28:02,986
Wow, Kevin, I gotta say,
2211
01:28:02,987 --> 01:28:04,529
you certainly have changed.
2212
01:28:04,530 --> 01:28:06,322
[Kevin] No, I just learned
to appreciate the people
2213
01:28:06,323 --> 01:28:09,492
that matter the most in my life.
2214
01:28:09,493 --> 01:28:11,828
♪ Lovely day lovely
day lovely day... ♪
2215
01:28:11,829 --> 01:28:16,249
Well, does that mean that
you're in for Jefferson's 2?
2216
01:28:16,250 --> 01:28:19,293
Yeah. Just gotta check
with my stuntman first.
2217
01:28:19,294 --> 01:28:20,878
♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪
2218
01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:22,463
Isn't he in prison now?
2219
01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:24,632
♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪
2220
01:28:24,633 --> 01:28:28,219
[scoffs] He is.
2221
01:28:28,220 --> 01:28:30,972
Yeah, I don't know.
It slipped my mind.
2222
01:28:30,973 --> 01:28:32,557
Ah, I forgot.
2223
01:28:32,558 --> 01:28:34,475
[laughs]
2224
01:28:34,476 --> 01:28:36,144
[Jordan] Forgot?
2225
01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:38,271
[chuckles nervously]
2226
01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:40,774
[tense music]
2227
01:28:42,443 --> 01:28:44,235
Hey. Hey, guard.
2228
01:28:44,236 --> 01:28:46,988
Guard! Hey, let
me out of here.
2229
01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:48,531
I'm telling you, you
got the wrong guy.
2230
01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:51,451
[Prisoner] Shut the fuck up!
- I'm Kevin Hart.
2231
01:28:51,452 --> 01:28:53,870
I'm Kevin Hart!
2232
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:56,331
[dramatic music]
2233
01:29:31,450 --> 01:29:33,911
[music continues]
2234
01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:50,302
{\an8}[dramatic music]
2235
01:30:18,622 --> 01:30:20,999
{\an8}[music continues]
2236
01:30:51,530 --> 01:30:53,991
{\an8}[music continues]
164789
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