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I once knew a man called
Cedric McGuinne, who
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is enormously greedy
and was forever
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00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:47,933
poking about all over the
house looking for stuff to eat.
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00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:50,533
One day, and I'm
not making this up,
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00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:51,967
he opened a cupboard
in the dining room
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00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:55,500
and found the paper bag
full of round white things.
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00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,300
Cedric had a passion
for peppermints,
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00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,400
so he grabbed a handful and
bung them into his mouth
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00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,367
and started crunching them up.
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00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:07,533
Well, they happened
to be moth balls.
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00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,767
And the camphor burned
his tongue so badly
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00:01:09,867 --> 00:01:12,800
he couldn't eat for a week.
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00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,000
The story you're going
to see in a few moments,
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00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:18,733
by one of the really great short
story writers of our time, John
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00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:22,467
Collier, is about a couple
of people who are also rather
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00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:24,933
greedy, but in a different way.
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00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:31,833
And a 5, 6, 7, 8.
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00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:32,867
Left.
Left.
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00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,267
Little bit more left.
Good.
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00:01:34,367 --> 00:01:34,967
Good.
Faster.
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00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:35,867
That's good.
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00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:50,667
On a nondescript street, in
a town where nothing much ever
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00:01:50,767 --> 00:01:54,267
happens, the wheel of
fortune is about to take
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00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:56,933
a rather unlikely spin.
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00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,433
[phone ringing]
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00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,200
Madame Myra.
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00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,467
Oh, there's got to
be some mistake.
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00:02:08,567 --> 00:02:09,700
Let me get my checkbook.
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00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:10,467
All right.
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00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:12,700
Let me get that checkbook.
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00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,000
OK, I got my book.
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00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,033
Now, let me see.
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00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:20,333
I mailed that on--
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00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:23,600
I mailed that on Tuesday,
you should have it now.
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00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,667
Yeah, buster, I read the future.
36
00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:29,500
But I don't know what the
post office is going to do.
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00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,133
Like, I told you, I
put it in the mail.
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00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:34,567
[knocking]
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00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:36,133
Just one moment.
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00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:38,267
[knocking]
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00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,100
Coming.
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00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,633
[knocking]
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00:02:42,733 --> 00:02:44,567
Be patient.
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00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,967
[knocking]
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00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:50,433
Future will wait.
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00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:54,367
Just one moment.
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00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,400
Coming.
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00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,967
You tell fortunes?
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00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:08,267
Yes, I do see into the future.
50
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:11,800
Lady downstairs
wouldn't take me.
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00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,967
I can't imagine why not.
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00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:16,133
Come on in.
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00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:17,867
And close the door behind you.
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00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:25,967
I'm new in town.
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00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,267
And you want me
to tell you all
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00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:28,533
the terrific,
wonderful things that
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00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:29,633
are going to happen to you?
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00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:30,467
Right?
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00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:32,233
I went to that
lady downstairs,
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00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:35,567
her sign said, all ages.
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00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:40,633
So I figured that I could learn
how to dance like Fred Astaire.
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00:03:40,733 --> 00:03:41,700
Because if I could--
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00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,367
if I learn how to dance
like Fred Astaire,
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00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:47,900
then I can meet some babes.
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00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:53,967
And you want me to
tell you if you can learn
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00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,500
how to dance like Fred Astaire?
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00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,600
No, she already told me.
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00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:03,967
But she said you
could tell me if there
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00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:05,600
is any babes in my future.
70
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,500
Yeah.
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00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,800
Yeah, I think I could
divine that for you.
72
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,667
Come on over here.
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00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:19,800
You sit down in this chair
right over, come here.
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00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:25,500
I'm going to have to bring
up a very poor subject here.
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00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,933
What's that?
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00:04:31,033 --> 00:04:32,733
Money.
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00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:36,100
Now, it's 5 bucks for a quick
glimpse into the future,
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00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,233
and it's 10 bucks for
a long gaze forward.
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00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:42,700
What's the difference?
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00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,600
You want to know what's
going to happen next week
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00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:45,533
or next year?
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00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:53,400
So $5 I get one week, and
$10 I get the whole year?
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00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:54,833
Well, I'm no dummy.
84
00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:56,833
I'll take a whole year.
85
00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:59,033
You'd be surprised,
you're a lot more farsighted
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00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,000
than a lot of people.
87
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,233
No kidding.
88
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:07,233
Well I got a small problem.
89
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:09,000
Oh yeah?
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00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:09,967
I don't have 10 bucks.
91
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:15,867
$5.
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00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,333
Now, I spend my
last dime on the bus.
93
00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:22,900
I'm a new in town, remember?
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00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,033
- Out.
- Now wait a minute.
95
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,067
Out.
96
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:26,267
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
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00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,500
You got anything busted?
98
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,700
Busted?
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00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,267
That's right, busted.
100
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:32,800
Everybody's got
something that's busted.
101
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,100
You know?
102
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,067
And that's what I do.
103
00:05:36,167 --> 00:05:38,600
I fix broken things.
104
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:39,500
Broken hearts?
105
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,467
That's pretty funny.
106
00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:52,467
I mean, it's not ho ho
funny, but hehe funny.
107
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:54,600
Busted?
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00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,900
I got this toaster over here.
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00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,567
It won't pop toast up anymore.
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00:05:58,667 --> 00:06:00,967
And I got that television
set that went out on me right
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00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,067
in the middle of John Dean.
112
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,067
- The Watergate guy?
- Yeah.
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00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:03,967
Well?
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00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:07,833
Toaster.
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00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:11,600
You fix my toaster,
I'll tell your fortune.
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00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,833
$10 fortune?
117
00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:18,233
OK, $10 fortune.
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00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,467
Got a screwdriver?
119
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,533
[ding]
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00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:32,233
All fixed.
121
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:33,367
See, that's what
I do for a living.
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00:06:33,467 --> 00:06:37,500
I fix broken things.
123
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,033
I'm really impressed, Charlie.
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00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,067
Come here and sit down.
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00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:44,833
Let's see what the future holds.
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00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:45,733
OK.
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00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:51,700
Cut.
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00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,700
You a real gypsy?
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00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,367
You bet I am.
130
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:02,167
OK.
131
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:04,067
Hm.
132
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:07,567
OK, pretty good.
133
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:12,533
What do you see?
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00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,500
You see a babe?
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00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:27,967
How about money?
136
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,333
I'll settle for money.
137
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:33,267
You have a rich
relative, an aunt,
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00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:36,400
uncle, anything like that?
139
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,600
Only relative I
got is my uncle Jake.
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00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,367
He's always telling
me what he's going
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00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:44,067
to buy me when a ship comes in.
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00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:45,833
I'm still waiting
for it to dock.
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00:07:51,633 --> 00:07:54,900
See these double
8s here, Charlie?
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00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,467
They show that you're coming
to a fork in your life.
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00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:02,633
Now, if you take one path, it's
going to lead you to wealth--
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00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,200
incredible wealth.
147
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,967
And if you take the
other path, it's
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00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:06,933
going to lead you to nothing.
149
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:13,667
How do I know
which one to take?
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00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:17,367
Well, you see this
red King, right here?
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00:08:17,467 --> 00:08:18,867
That's the King of wealth.
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00:08:18,967 --> 00:08:21,900
This red naive is his messenger.
153
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,900
You are going to have a
message soon, really soon,
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00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:25,833
about great wealth.
155
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,633
Wait a minute.
156
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:33,600
Let me try it again.
157
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,000
Let me try it again.
Right.
158
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,500
Yeah, OK.
159
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,400
All right.
160
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:56,567
Hey, these are exactly
the way they were before.
161
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:57,567
Yup, there's--
162
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,367
Don't!
163
00:08:58,467 --> 00:08:59,633
Don't touch anything.
164
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:12,067
It's too bad, Charlie.
165
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:17,100
You-- you could have
been a very rich man.
166
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,767
What do you mean?
167
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,400
Well, you remember-- remember
the double 8s right here?
168
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,900
The two paths, one leading
to wealth and the other
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00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,267
to nothing.
170
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:29,600
So just-- just point me
in the right direction.
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00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,733
Well, you have to get married.
172
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,633
Married?
173
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:40,233
I don't know any babes?
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00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:43,167
Oh, this couldn't
be just any babe.
175
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,233
This would have to be a woman
who had certain qualifications,
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00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:48,900
certain specific things.
177
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,800
Such as?
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00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:55,133
This woman would have to
have dark hair-- it says
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00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:56,100
it right here in the cards.
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00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,600
The cards demand it--
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00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:01,267
dark eyes, she'd
have to be divorced,
182
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:04,000
she would use her
hands to make a living,
183
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,500
and the Red Queen
demands that she be
184
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,367
an air sign, that's a Gemini.
185
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:13,167
Says it right there.
186
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:14,767
What sign are you?
187
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:18,633
Gemini.
188
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,133
Have you ever been married?
189
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,200
Divorced.
190
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:31,667
But that's not all.
191
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:35,333
The cards demand that
the woman you marry
192
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,933
have a mark of fortune.
193
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:44,367
A mark of fortune?
194
00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:49,000
This woman has to have three
moles on her left shoulder.
195
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:01,200
I'm in love.
196
00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:05,333
You want me to do what?
197
00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:09,367
Be my matron of honor.
198
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:11,833
You mean to tell me that
you're going to marry that--
199
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:13,800
that-- that rhinoceroses.
200
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:14,733
Saturday.
201
00:11:14,833 --> 00:11:15,933
It was a joke.
202
00:11:16,033 --> 00:11:18,633
Myra, I sent him upstairs
to you with a bad joke.
203
00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:21,833
Grace, you know how
sometimes the cards work?
204
00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:23,933
I mean, really work?
205
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:25,167
Honey, you can't marry him.
206
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,433
He's a minus zero, worth zilch.
207
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:31,800
They say that he is going
to inherit a lot of money
208
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,267
from a close relative.
209
00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,933
I mean, a lot of money, Grace.
210
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:36,000
A lot.
211
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:38,167
Honey, I don't
care if he's going
212
00:11:38,267 --> 00:11:40,000
to inherit a million dollars.
213
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,433
You're going to have
to live with him.
214
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:44,733
You're going to
have to let him--
215
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:47,433
you know what you're going
to have to let him do.
216
00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:50,600
Grace, that's not all.
217
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,533
I laid these cards
twice for him,
218
00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:54,933
and each time they came
up exactly the same.
219
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:56,033
I mean, exactly.
220
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,067
You're kidding.
221
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,767
The cars insist
he's going to inherit
222
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:06,367
all this money from a
close relative, and then--
223
00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:08,133
Yeah, then what?
224
00:12:08,233 --> 00:12:10,700
And then--
225
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,400
He's gonna what?
226
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,300
Die.
227
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,233
(ON TELEVISION) Look at the
instant replay on that one.
228
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:21,567
Starbeck comes back,
hands off to the tailback.
229
00:12:21,667 --> 00:12:23,567
And he gets wrapped up after
about a gain of a yard.
230
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:25,167
But it should be enough
for a first done.
231
00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:26,333
It is.
232
00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:27,567
Now, back to live action.
[ringing]
233
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:28,467
Now back--
234
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,067
[ringing]
235
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,233
[ringing]
236
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,867
Will you pick up
the phone, please?
237
00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:33,800
All right.
238
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:40,567
Madame Myra.
239
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:41,500
Yes, Mrs. Nora.
240
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,400
Yes, I can see right away.
241
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:45,500
All right, I expect
you in five minutes.
242
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,133
Hey slob, out.
243
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:51,200
I got a client.
244
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:55,533
Game just started.
245
00:12:55,633 --> 00:12:57,400
The game has
always just started.
246
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,500
First, it's basketball,
then it's baseball,
247
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,833
now it's football.
What comes out of football?
248
00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,600
It starts all over again.
249
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:13,500
Oh, the big fixer.
250
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,867
The man who can fix anything.
251
00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:16,433
You better get that
short fixed or you're
252
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:17,367
going to get electrocuted.
253
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:20,467
The TV works OK.
254
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,067
It works better than
those cards of yours.
255
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,267
You know what
you're doing, facko.
256
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:26,733
You're selling lies.
257
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:27,867
Keeps you in beer.
258
00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:29,633
It sure does.
259
00:13:29,733 --> 00:13:31,600
Where's my money?
260
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:33,867
Where's that million dollars
I was supposed to get?
261
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:37,933
Huh, for marrying the
girl with the dark eyes
262
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:39,533
and the mark of fortune?
263
00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:43,467
I never said it was going
to be a million bucks.
264
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:44,933
For six months
I've been waiting
265
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,200
around here for a phone to
ring, and a letter to come,
266
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:49,200
and it hasn't.
267
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,233
And now I know why.
268
00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:53,467
Because it was a lie.
269
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:56,000
You lie to me just like you
like every other poor slob
270
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,800
that walks up in this place.
271
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,067
OK, maybe I do lie to them.
272
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,000
But you know what?
273
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,267
It makes them happy.
274
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,133
And I did not lie to you.
275
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,133
I never did.
276
00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:05,667
I have a gift.
277
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:08,000
And my cards still say you
are going to get that--
278
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:11,433
Your cards are
pieces of paper.
279
00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:13,300
I was going to meet a babe.
280
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,100
A babe with a cute smile
and go to hell eyes.
281
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,533
And look what I got stuck with.
282
00:14:17,633 --> 00:14:19,800
Look at what I got stuck with.
283
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:20,733
Look at yourself.
284
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:25,600
Out, Charlie.
285
00:14:29,233 --> 00:14:33,100
You know what I got my pocket?
286
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,000
$0.38.
287
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,067
Now where am I going
to go on $0.38?
288
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,800
I don't know and I don't care.
289
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,233
I mean out anywhere.
290
00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:42,033
Why don't you go
downstairs and see Grace,
291
00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:44,300
she's got go to hell eyes.
292
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,633
And maybe there's
something she needs fixed.
293
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:04,900
You are Mya Lacey Dunner.
294
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,367
No, she's upstairs.
295
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:07,700
What do you want
to see her about?
296
00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:13,133
You are?
297
00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,100
I'm her husband.
298
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,200
Charles Richmond?
299
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,933
Yeah, that's right.
300
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:19,033
Hi, my name is Merrihew.
301
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,300
I'm an attorney.
302
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,367
My business is with
your wife, Mrs. Dunner.
303
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:25,133
It's about an inheritance,
a sizable inheritance,
304
00:15:25,233 --> 00:15:26,333
I might add.
305
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:30,367
No, you don't mean
her, you mean me.
306
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:32,300
I mean nothing of the sort.
307
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:38,300
The person I need to see
is Myra Lacey Dunner.
308
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,267
Now then, a few routine
precautionary measures.
309
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:43,300
You're mother's maiden name?
310
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,667
Geraldine Dorthy Johnson.
311
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:46,567
All right.
312
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,600
Some gypsy.
313
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:51,400
And do you have a copy
of your birth certificate?
314
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,467
Yes.
315
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:53,400
Yes, I do.
316
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,433
Here it is.
317
00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:05,133
All right.
318
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:08,300
And right.
319
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,967
Everything seems to be in order.
320
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,800
You are who you say you are.
321
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,133
Well then.
322
00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:18,467
You had a great aunt
on the mother's side.
323
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:21,233
You mean old aunt Faith?
324
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,433
Faith Mary Parkas.
325
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:26,867
She was a maiden lady,
taught school for 48 years,
326
00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:30,133
and she invested wisely.
327
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:32,800
Very wisely, I should add.
328
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:36,100
She passed on three months
ago in a nursing home
329
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,400
at the age of 92.
330
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,567
I used to write
her Christmas cards
331
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,100
but I stopped a long time ago.
332
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,000
I never thought--
333
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,200
How much?
334
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,567
I beg your pardon.
335
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:48,300
How much did the
old lady leave?
336
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,033
That's really a
matter for Mrs. Dunner.
337
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:52,167
I'm her husband, Jack.
338
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,267
How much?
339
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,400
Well, that would all depend.
340
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,800
Most of her assets were
in blue chip stocks.
341
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:06,367
She bought IBM in 1932.
342
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,633
But if everything
were liquidated,
343
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:11,733
the estate would bring in,
after taxes and legal fees,
344
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:13,367
of course, about $350,000.
345
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,667
$350,000.
346
00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:29,933
Here's my card.
347
00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:32,867
I'm the corresponding attorney
for your late aunt's attorneys
348
00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:34,300
on the coast.
349
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,433
If you'd like come to my
office tomorrow, about 10:00,
350
00:17:37,533 --> 00:17:39,000
then we can start
on the paperwork.
351
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,933
I'll be there.
352
00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:42,667
$350,000.
353
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,300
Whoa.
354
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,167
Do you have a
will, Mrs. Dunner?
355
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:47,533
A will?
356
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,133
No, I haven't got a will.
357
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:51,267
What would I need a will for?
358
00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:53,133
Well, you're a rich woman now.
359
00:17:53,233 --> 00:17:54,600
Anything would happen to
you, everything would,
360
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:55,800
of course, go to your husband.
361
00:17:55,900 --> 00:18:00,567
But you might like
to think about that.
362
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:02,133
Yeah.
363
00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:05,533
I'll do that.
I'll think about it.
364
00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:13,033
I'll let myself out.
365
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,900
[thunder]
366
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:19,833
Why aren't you watching
your game, Charlie?
367
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:31,400
I was thinking of going down
and digging your fish pond.
368
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:34,100
It's a little late
for that, Charlie.
369
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,800
What do you mean?
370
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,933
I'm leaving you, Charlie.
371
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,400
But I am leaving you all this.
372
00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:44,533
You're not leaving me.
373
00:18:44,633 --> 00:18:45,433
Think again.
374
00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:52,700
I get half.
375
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,933
Half the money is mine.
376
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:55,900
You'll have to find me.
377
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:04,833
Don't worry about it, Charlie.
378
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:10,833
The cards still say you're
going to be very, very rich.
379
00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:11,933
They do, huh?
380
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,600
Maybe the cards will turn
out to be right after all.
381
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,033
I'm going to go down and
work on your fish pond.
382
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:34,467
It's raining.
383
00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:36,700
Oh, that's all right.
384
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,967
The fish don't mind.
385
00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:17,433
I told him I was leaving him.
386
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:18,700
Now that is good news.
387
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,100
That is very good news.
388
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,400
Did he make a fuss?
389
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:25,300
He went out to
dig the fish pond.
390
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,500
In the rain?
391
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,133
Uh huh.
392
00:20:28,233 --> 00:20:30,567
So while we were
talking, or arguing--
393
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,733
I don't know, whatever
it is we were doing--
394
00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:35,300
I dealt the cards for
him again and they still
395
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,433
say that he's going to be rich.
396
00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:41,867
And?
397
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:43,200
And then he's going to die.
398
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,200
The Lord and Master.
399
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:51,867
He still expects you to cook?
400
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:53,433
Who knows what
Charlie expects.
401
00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,367
Oh, Charlie.
402
00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:07,667
What are you, the
abominable mud man?
403
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,733
Those cards, baby.
404
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:12,567
Listen, would you go drip
in the bathroom, please.
405
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:13,933
All right, what about the cards?
406
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,700
They're right after all.
407
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,733
Look.
408
00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:26,033
Yeah.
409
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:28,800
You found $1 bill
in the mud, Charlie.
410
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:30,000
That's wonderful.
411
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:30,900
It's not $1.
412
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,033
It's a $50.
413
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,167
Hey, you're right Charlie.
414
00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:41,700
You're rich.
415
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:42,600
Cheers.
416
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:44,633
Mud in your eye.
417
00:21:44,733 --> 00:21:46,000
Myra.
418
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:49,167
It wasn't alone.
419
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:51,367
It wasn't all by itself.
420
00:21:51,467 --> 00:21:52,467
What do you mean?
421
00:21:52,567 --> 00:21:53,833
I got out to dig
the pond, right?
422
00:21:53,933 --> 00:21:57,767
All of a sudden, I hit
something with my shovel.
423
00:21:57,867 --> 00:22:00,267
I thought it was a rock.
424
00:22:00,367 --> 00:22:05,300
But when I hit it again,
it sounded more like tin.
425
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,833
So I got down on my
knees, in the mud,
426
00:22:08,933 --> 00:22:11,167
and I started to dig up.
427
00:22:11,267 --> 00:22:12,867
Dig what out?
428
00:22:12,967 --> 00:22:14,967
The box.
429
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:19,600
Yeah, see, there's a tin
box, or maybe it was steel,
430
00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:20,367
I don't know.
431
00:22:20,467 --> 00:22:23,400
But it had a lock on it.
432
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:27,967
And so, I hit the lock with a
shovel and it wouldn't open.
433
00:22:28,067 --> 00:22:32,400
So I hit it again, and I hit
it again, and I hit it again.
434
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:35,067
It finally opened.
435
00:22:35,167 --> 00:22:40,900
And it opened, and inside was
a whole bunch of $50 bills.
436
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,800
Hundreds of $50 dollar bills.
437
00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:46,100
The cards right.
438
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,000
The cards were right.
439
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,300
I'm rich.
440
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,300
And so are you.
441
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,267
I knew it.
442
00:22:52,367 --> 00:22:54,733
Where's the box?
443
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:55,967
Outside.
444
00:22:56,067 --> 00:22:56,967
Outside?
445
00:22:57,067 --> 00:23:00,200
Well, go bring it in, Charlie.
446
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:03,900
No see, we're going to
go out and bury it again.
447
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,000
We'll keep it for a nest egg.
448
00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:08,333
I mean, if we bring
it inside then
449
00:23:08,433 --> 00:23:10,333
we just got to pay taxes on it.
450
00:23:10,433 --> 00:23:13,500
Oh yeah, that's right.
451
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,333
Are you sure you want
to bury you again?
452
00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:20,200
Yeah.
453
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:25,233
And I want you to know
exactly where I buried it.
454
00:23:25,333 --> 00:23:27,333
In case anything
ever happens to me.
455
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:33,967
Oh gee, Charlie.
456
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:41,133
That is really decent of you.
457
00:23:41,233 --> 00:23:42,233
Oh.
458
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,933
I got thinking when
I started digging
459
00:23:47,033 --> 00:23:48,900
this pond thinking it's going
to lead me to all this money.
460
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,900
- Where is it?
- See, there it is, right there.
461
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,300
I don't see it.
462
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,400
Well, you got to bend
down a little bit and look.
463
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,400
- Where?
- Right there.
464
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:57,367
[scream]
465
00:23:59,267 --> 00:24:00,700
You know what?
466
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,267
I saved a little bit here, and
I saved a little bit there,
467
00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:04,867
and I got $50.
468
00:24:04,967 --> 00:24:06,200
And you know what else?
469
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:07,567
You changed my life.
470
00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:10,400
You know, when you said I
got a whole lot of money
471
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:12,300
from a rich relative.
472
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,800
That's you.
473
00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:18,767
[scream]
474
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:41,433
I found my
million dollar baby.
475
00:24:41,533 --> 00:24:42,333
Ba da.
476
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:52,100
I found a million dollar baby
at the 5 and 10 cent store.
477
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,233
Ba da.
478
00:24:57,867 --> 00:24:58,667
Da, da.
479
00:25:15,367 --> 00:25:17,900
[television chatter]
480
00:25:32,233 --> 00:25:35,333
[music playing]
32038
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