All language subtitles for 095 - 07x12 - accidental death

Ah.
Good morning, Arthur.

Good morning, Percy.

Oh.

Give me the usual, will you?

Pint?

I said the usual--

half pint.

There are some new faces.

Hmm?

Do you happen to have a
copy of the local paper?

Oh, I think I've got
this week's somewhere.

Oh, here we are.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

How long will you be
staying Mr. Jeffries?

I don't know.

About a week, I should think--

10 days, something like that.

On holiday?

No, business.

Market research.

It's on the second floor.

We've no lift, I'm afraid.

I'll get Arthur to help you.

No, that's all right.

I can manage fine.

If you're staying
in for dinner,

the restaurant closes at 9.

Oh, thanks.

Mr. And Mrs., you'd think at least

he'd guy her a wedding ring.

Nolan and his wife
left for a holiday in Malta--

a member of
parliament who will be

speaking in the debate
on the common market

agricultural currencies.

Stop working, Jane.

This is a nice little town.

Let's enjoy ourselves.

Hey, how about a movie?

There doesn't
seem to be a cinema.

Ah, the Yachting
Club have a dance

at the Town Hall on Wednesday.

Well, that's one for you.

You're getting to
be a workaholic, love.

I'm getting nervous too.

When that copper stopped
us, I thought that was it.

It was only a routine
check on car tax evaders.

He asked too many questions
and took too many notes.

And your Australian
accent's beginning to slip.

Oh.

I'm sorry about that, sport.

And we're still 1,000
pounds from our target.

I think we can manage on less.

No, Steve!

We need 15,000.

Well, look, first there's
the single airfares

to Melbourne, and once--

No, Sydney.

--Sydney?

How about a nice little
cafe on Bondi Beach?

Look, all you need is
bamboo tables and awnings?

It'll be a quarter the price
of fitting up a restaurant.

You can wait on the
customers in a bikini,

and I'll go surfing when
we've washed up the dishes.

How about it?

Waltzing, Matilda.

Waltzing, Matilda.

That Won't you come
a' waltzing, Matilda, with--

Come on, sport.

We've got work to do.

Yes?

Good morning.

I'm engaged in market research
for Silvertone Methyl Polish.

Well, you've
probably heard of us.

No.

Ah.

Oh, would you mind answering
a few simple questions--

to help us provide a better
product for consumers?

Well, it'll only take
a few minutes, really.

And it would help me.
- All right.

You'd better come in.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me!

Yeah?

Excuse me.

I'm-- I'm looking for
the club secretary.

Oh, I'm afraid he's not here.

But can I help?

Yes, perhaps you can.

I'm doing market research
for Silvertone Methyl Polish.

I'm sure you've heard of us.

Well, I--

Well, it's after 11.

Have a glass of sherry.

Oh, that's
very kind of you.

Oh, what a charming clock.

That was my husband's retirement gift.

It's very nice.

He died at 10 to 3, standing
just where you are now.

He was always fiddling
with that damn thing.

I'm surprised it goes at all.

Your sherry.

Thank you.

Do sit down.

Uh, cheers.

Cheers.

Now, I understand
from the local press

that your club is holding
a dance on Wednesday.

That's right-- every year.

Now, what I'd like to do is
to approach the organizers.

Now, if you'd be
so kind as to give

me their names and addresses.

Oh, I'm not sure
I can do that.

Nice little place
you got here, isn't it.

You know, I do a bit of
sailing myself back home.

- Oh, do you?
- Yeah.

Matter of fact, my
father, he's secretary

of our local club in Sydney.
- Really?

Good afternoon.

I'm engaged in market research
for Silvertone Methyl Polish.

Well, you've
probably heard of us.

Not today, thank you.

But may I ask you a
few simple questions?

Well, I don't know whether I
shall be able to answer them.

Well, come inside.

Thank you.

Well, the day wasn't
entirely wasted.

I learned enough about
sailing to open a marina

when we get to Australia.

I had a Mrs. Milvain,
talked her head

off after six sherries.

She must go down for
the count if she keeps

after that bottle all day--

plenty of silver, and
she lives on her own.

Obliging of her.

Mmm.

But she never goes
out, except to shop.

Well, for the sherry.

Presumably.

Oh.

Then there was a Colonel Grant.

Grant?

He insisted on showing
me his huge stamp

collection he started in his
school days, very boring.

Colonel Grant-- here we are.

He's a member of
the Yachting Club

and one of the organizers
of the dance on Wednesday.

Oh, I shouldn't count
on him being at the dance.

He's only got one leg.

Hell.

Now, I've checked out more
than a dozen sailing fanatics,

and I've got the rateable
values of their houses.

There are three front runners--

Lady Pope of Balston Hall.

Well, Balston Hall's no good.

There are bound to be servants.

Ah, True.

There's a couple
called Slatter--

a Red Roofs Pond Road.

I've been there.

It's got houses on three
sides overlooking it.

Hell.

Someone called Tabit--

Millhouse Lane.

I've been there too.

I got coffee and cakes and a
lecture of how there's plenty

of work, if only the unemployed
would get on their bikes

and look for it.

And I feasted my eyes on
cabinets of porcelain.

Ah.

They breed bloodhounds.

Oh.

Oh, this just
isn't our day, is it?

And I'm beginning to wonder
if time isn't running out on us.

It's not easy here.

And there's plenty
of money around.

But it's too built up.

The houses are too
close together.

Hmm.

Not like Dorset.

Or Wiltshire.

Oh, Wiltshire was fun.

Wiltshire was five grand.

Well, do we case this town
till the end of the week

or move on to somewhere else?

Let's go down to the bar and
listen to the local gossip.

Yes.

I was in the library today.

Oh, the usual day--

I didn't have anything to read.

And I-- I came on this--

"Transactions of
the Natural History

Society of West Burford."

Yes, 1887-- of course,
I'm a bit of a lover

of useless information,
a snapper up

of unconsidered trifles.

Now, Arthur.

Just listen to this-- will
you just-- are you listening?

The dog is the only
animal that dreams

and the only animal that,
besides man, feels sorrow.

Hmm.

Yes, the dog is
the only quadruped

that's been taught to speak.

Leibniz-- Leibniz,
mark you, bears

witness to a hound
in Saxony that could

utter distinctly 30 words.

Well now, Arthur, that is
not only useless information,

but it's entirely erroneous
information, because baboons--

now, baboons have
been known to die--

Yes sir?

--from unrequited love.

Two brandys please.

And you know, I--

I knew-- when I
was in the desert,

I knew a camel that
used to have nightmares.

Oh yes, yes-- regularly
woke up half the battalion,

screaming in its sleep.

Really?

Yes, the camel-- not me.

Good evening, sir.

Bonsoir, Mademoiselle.

Oh, that's just alright.
I'm in the chair.

Have a drink with us.
- Oh, that's very nice.

Yes.
I think I'll do.

No, Arthur, whiskey if
you don't mind, please.

Yes, large one-- large whiskey.

Well, are you touring?

No.

No, we're working unfortunately.

Oh, well, that was--
that's a big mistake, yes.

What at?

Market research.

Oh, market research.

Now that's something
I know nothing about.

It's one of the few things
I know nothing about.

Isn't that so, Arthur?

Yes, that's one of them.

Thank you.

2 pounds 30, please, sir.

Yeah.

Charge it, please.

Yes, here's to
bonny breath, ayes.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh, that was a good one.

Time for me to go, I'd say.

Imagine, a bus service just
arranging for the last bus

to leave a half an hour
before closing time.

Silly-- isn't it so, Arthur?

Hasta la vista, Arthur.

Arrivederci.

Auf wiedersehen.

Good night.

Good night, Percy.

Ciao, ciao, Beryl.

Is there anybody there,
said the traveler

knocking on the moonlit door.

Quite a character.

Oh yes, our old Percy.

Quite a trial too.

Mmm.

He's a regular?

Too regular.

He comes in here twice a
week to collect his pension,

do his shopping,
go to the library.

Then he blathers on in
here till the last bus.

Well, it's all right with
people like you-- broad-minded.

But some people take exception.

Especially when he
starts his lectures.

Drives us barmy.

Who is he?

Percy?

Seems he's been everything--

in the army, says he was
an actor in Shakespeare.

Then I heard he was something
big in the antique business.

Then he got into
a spot of bother.

Careful, Arthur.

Oh, come on.

Everyone knows about it.

He got into trouble
with his taxes.

He talked his way out of it.

But he had to pay up.

Now he lives in a tumble down
farmhouse out by Lower Pottage.

Will you both have a drink?

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

I shouldn't have let
you buy him that scotch.

See how quick he took it?

Then he spends four
hours in here each

Tuesday and Friday
with just a half pint.

He could buy drinks for
half the town if he wanted.

Not beer, either.

Really?

Well, you wouldn't think so
to look at him, would you?

He's loaded.

And I'll tell you
something else.

One of the lads from the estate
agent's office comes in here.

When Percy bought that
cottage, he paid in cash--

all 5-pound notes.

And he never goes to the bank.

But he always pays
cash, everywhere.

When he pays at all, that is.

He is sitting on a fortune.

And it's all you can
do to get him to pay

for his round, the stingy old--

Lower Pottage--

I don't think we passed
that on the way in.

Did we, darling?

Hello.

I didn't hit you, did I?

No.
No.

I don't think so.

Good, good.

It's those damn squirrels.

You see, they eat everything
I put out for the birds.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I'm doing market research.

I wondered if you'd
mind helping me.

Oh.

Lucky you, my dear.

I wouldn't mind at all.

Would you like to
let yourself in?

Yes, thank you.

Good morning.

Ah, good morning.

Ah, yes.

I remember you-- from the bar.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, can you help me with
these silly questions.

Silly questions?

Market research.

Ah, yes, market research.

Yes.
Yes.

Come on.

Come on.

Market research--
go ahead, go ahead.

Yes, that's one of the few
things I know nothing about.

Yes?

There's questions?

Well, it's the way I
make a living, you see.

Oh.

You really feel you
have to do that, hmm?

What?

Oh, I-- I-- make it--
well, no it's all right.

Go on, sit down.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Just carry on.

Carry on.

Well now, do
you do your own cleaning?

Well, nobody helps me in my
bath if that's what you mean.

Pity.

I mean housework.

Yes, I suppose you do.

Well, I don't really feel
there's any need because, well,

I'm a very orderly person.

A place for everything--

everything in its place.

So I can take it you
don't use a methyl polish.

Yes.

That would be a fair
assumption, yes.

Oh dear.

I'm afraid I must be
wasting your time.

No, no.

Not at all.

Not at all.

On the contrary.

Ah, missed again.

Damn.

What's that?

Well, it's my bracelet.

The clasp's broke and it
just keeps falling off.

- Let me have a look?
- Oh.

I shouldn't bother
with it, really.

I'll probably take it and
trade it in somewhere.

But trading in a bracelet?

Well, I know it's
not worth much.

But I should get at least
a fiver for it anyway.

Hmm, a fiver.

Or maybe 10.

Well, the guy who bought
it wasn't a cheapskate.

He'd have spent at least
that much on it, I'm sure.

Oh I'm sure the chaps would
be falling over each other,

wouldn't they, to lavish rubies
and diamonds on you, my dear.

It's a pity nobody ever
thought of gold, isn't it?

Well, one day maybe.

Yes.

Well, I think I can give
you a tenner for it.

Well, it's very pretty,
and I like pretty things.

It'll remind me of you.

I couldn't.

Well, I-- I'll give you 15.

Now, I couldn't go
higher than 15, 15.

Well it seems an awful lot.

All right.

It's a deal.

Good.

As I say, it'll
remind me of you.

I shan't be a minute.

There-- there you are, hmm?

Well, thank you,
if you're sure.

Oh, I don't mind being
taken advantage of.

I'm used to it.

Generous to a fault, that's me.

But that's the way I like it.

All right, then.

Ah.

Thank you.

Well, off you pop, hmm?

Before I change me mind.

All right.

Yes.

Well, should I help
you to the door?

Yes, thank you.

Yes, nice talk.

Adieu,
adieu, my fair young lady.

And may you find your
rubies and diamonds.

I'll be quite
happy with the gold.

Right.

Good bye.

Arrivederla.

Right.

Hmm.

He fell for it!

He keeps the cash in
the room upstairs.

Well done, love.

So there you are.

You see, the dinosaur ruled
for 140 million years.

That's right.

And 65 million years ago,
according to Professor Toom,

California Research
Center, there

was a collision between
an asteroid and the Earth.

And the same thing could
happen to us, couldn't it?

Hmm?

You wouldn't like that to happen
to you-- would you, Beryl.

He's left the light on.

Yes, for the burglars.

Hey, there must be a
window we can get in.

Let's try around the back.

Right.

Now, I have a
theory that we've

got a survivor in this
country, the ichthyosaurus--

the Loch Ness monster!

This room here.

You try the desk.

By the way-- by the way, have
you seen our parish church?

Oh?

Biggest fount in Britain.

Must have rather
large babies, eh?

We shall be seeing the church.

Ah, good, good.
Well, enjoy it.

And don't pinch
the candlesticks.

We are here for a funeral.

Not yours, I hope, heh.

Why can't you keep
your mouth shut in here?

I beg your pardon?

Yap, yap, yap-- on
and on for four hours,

every time you come in here.

What do we get for it?

The price of the half pint.

There's customers
who goes to The Swan

because they'd rather listen
to a jukebox than you!

Would you mean to
say that my customer

is no longer welcome here?

We are entitled by
law to refuse to serve

you without giving a reason.

Yes, well, you never
mind about the law.

Hmph, I certainly won't
stay where I'm not wanted.

Yeah, well, you
won't see me again.

Good!

And love to Arthur.

Hmph.

Happy funerals.

Oh.

Hello, Percy.

So they chucked you out then?

No, no, no, well, I've
just been barred that's all.

Imagine me being
barred by Beryl.

I've missed another coke.

I guess now I'll have to wait
a whole hour for another one.

Oh well, I'm off home.

Come on, I'll give you a lift.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, early
start tomorrow.

Yes, thank you
very much-- coming.

It's no good.

There's nothing up here.

Let's try downstairs.

Yeah, thank you.

Good night.

Yeah.

Let's try over here.

That's very kind
of you, I'm sure!

Good luck with the
humps and bumps.

It's him-- shhh!

There you are.

Maybe he won't come in here.

Well, well, well.

Market research, eh?

Oh, Mr. Percy, thank
goodness you've arrived!

There's a--

Where is it?

Where is what?

The cash!

Oh you Oh, you mean you
haven't found it yet.

Oh well.

It's not in this area.

Simple really.

Oh dear.

Now, would you mind putting
your hands up, please.

Thank you very much.

Both of you!

Yes, see, there's many a slip.

Why, he's wounded!

Help me!

It was just a shot
from the woods.

I-- I-- didn't know
what had happened.

It was pitch black,
and then this shot.

It's all right now, love.

They're looking after him.

I don't know who it was.

A poacher, I suppose.

Well, he ran off, and I--

I got Steve to the car.

Well, we'll need a
statement from you later.

But you needn't worry--

oh, here's the doctor.
- Is he all right?

Well, and there's a problem.

He's a rare blood group,
and we don't have it.

He needs a massive
transfusion straight away,

and the nearest stock
is in Cambridge.

It will take an hour at least.

But he will be all right?

Oh, I'm sorry.

They're sending the stock
from Cambridge just in case.

Yes?

That's right.

Mmm, I see.

Well, it's certainly
worth a try.

Ask the priest to get a car
over there straight away.

I'll ring it from here
and get him standing by.

Hmm.

Yes, I've got it.

Right.

It seems that there is a
suitable donor on our books.

Or rather, there was.

This chap's officially off the
list now because he's over age.

We can't afford to be
choosy though, can we?

A chap called Percy Hamptom.