All language subtitles for In.A.Different.Key.2020.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

This program contains footage
of children in distress,

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

including historical
medical treatments

that may be disturbing.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

MAN: If you like, would you
please have a seat right here.

MAN: Okay.
- Thank you.

Uh, what should I say?

FILMMAKER: We wanted you to talk
into the lens.

Hello, lens.

(clapperboard clicking)

Hi, I'm Isabelle Piwniky,

but I prefer to be called Izzy,
or Iz, or Izzymeister.

And I'm autistic.

I am autistic.

I am on the autism spectrum.

I have autism.

I have autism.

AUTOMATED VOICE (via phone):
I have autism.

If somebody came up to me
on the street

and asked me
what autism looks like,

I'd probably say
you're looking at it.

CAREN: Can you tell me
a little bit about autism?

Uh... what's autism, Caren?

♪ ♪

CAREN: What is autism?

Now that's complicated.

MICKEY: Hydrogen, helium.

CAREN: Because the number
of ways to be autistic...

MICKEY: Lithium...

CAREN: ...is infinite.

MICKEY: Beryllium, boron.

(bird cawing)

♪ ♪

73 Tantalum.

74 Tungsten, 75 Rhenium...

CAREN: Take a man
who finds comfort walking around

naming all
the elements of the universe.

MICKEY:
79 is gold, 80 mercury. 81--

CAREN: He has autism.
- 82 is lead.

83, B-I, Bismuth. 84--

CAREN:
He's also my son, Mickey.

♪ ♪

All the years I've known him,

Mickey has been teaching me
more about autism than anyone.

It's been
an adventure for both of us.

But as a journalist,
I've also spent years

looking into how the world has
responded to autistic people.

And on that journey,

I found darkness.

MICKEY: 25 is Manganese...

CAREN: But also found
real reasons to hope...

MICKEY:
26 Iron...

CAREN:
...that people like Mickey,

and everyone who is different,

might still
get the chance to belong.

To really belong.

♪ ♪

(in car):
So what's next?

MICKEY (in car): 1.1 miles,
the destination is on the right.

ANNOUNCER (on speaker):
In 1.1 miles, the destination...

CAREN (voiceover):
And thinking about all of that,

I brought Mickey with me
on a trip to Mississippi,

to meet a friend I had made.

I'm excited that you're here.
- Yes.

I'm excited to
introduce you to Donald.

- Yes.

CAREN (voiceover):
Someone from a small town,

who I got close to when
writing a book about autism.

So, do who Donald is, Mickey?

ANNOUNCER (on speaker): Make
a U-turn at Earl Johnson road.

(stammering):
He has autism.

CAREN (voiceover): And whose
story is where my journey began.

♪ ♪

(birds chirping)

CELESTE:
I've always known Don.

I don't remember
not knowing Don.

VIANNE: We knew that Don was
a little different.

JOBYNA: But what it was,
we didn't know.

♪ ♪

CAREN: They call him Don,

but I first knew him as Donald,

Donald T.

That's how his name appeared
over 70 years ago.

It was in
the first medical article

that fully described a new
diagnosis in children

that we call autism.

And in that article
that described several children,

Donald Gray Triplett,
was described in way more detail

than the others.

And he came first.

He was, literally,
case number one.

And how did life turn out
for him?

How much did he get to belong?

To grow, to love, to be loved?

Autism's first child.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(marbles clacking)

My mother taught me
how to drive.

I, I was sort of a late...

I was actually 27 when I
got my driver's license.

I just enjoy doing it.

Of course that's the
Bank of Forest right there.

Hey, Shelby Welby.

- Hey, Donald.

- Hey, Nat the Cat.

Hey, R.C.
- Hey, Don.

- Hey, K.H.
- Hey, Don.

He comes to the bank every day
at 2:00, you know?

Makes his rounds.

Hey, Big Debbie.
Hey, Tricky Nick.

CELESTE: He really
brightens our day at the bank.

- Hey, Jan with a plan!
- Hi, Don darling!

Don is a very loving person,

and we enjoy seeing him
every day.

You know,
he's just a lot of fun.

♪ ♪

CAREN: In 1937, when Donald
was three years old,

he was placed in an institution.

And it was called the
preventorium.

A preventorium used to
be a place

where children at risk of
getting tuberculosis

were kept separated
from society.

But sometimes,
families that were well off,

they would actually place
a child there

for a different reason--

if the child was hard to manage,
or even just different.

Donald was
one of those children.

O.B. TRIPLETT: So there was
a preventorium and sanitorium,

a little community in Simpson
County just south of here.

Of course they assured

my grandparents,
from what I've gathered

that that's what was
expected for them to do.

That's what
was accepted at that time.

My name is O.B. Triplett,
and, um, Don is my uncle.

Beamon Triplett was
Don's father and my granddad.

He was born in 1902.

Was a lawyer here in town,
and he grew up kind of poor,

but his momma scrimped and saved

and managed somehow
to get him to Yale.

And he graduated from Yale

and opened a law practice here
in Scott County years ago.

So he was settled here and wound
up marrying my...

well, married my grandmother.

Her name was Mary McCravey.

So they're just
a young couple starting out.

And I think they built the house
in maybe in the early 1930s.

And I, I think they ordered
the plans

out of the Sears Roebuck
catalog,

and they had just kind
of an idealistic life here

in rural small-town Mississippi.

And Don was born,
and everything's good,

and then as
Don gets a little older,

they start picking up things
are different

and realized that something
wasn't quite right.

Of course, at the time,
autism wasn't even a word.

Nobody knew, you know,
about it or anything.

She, she was under
the impression that, you know,

perhaps he was insane.

CAREN: You know,
I first learned about Donald

when I was
doing research on autism,

and I learned
that he was institutionalized

based on the very first study
written about him in 1943.

John Donvan and I
were working on a book

on the history of autism.

He and I had
produced stories on autism

for 20 years for ABC News.

John was on-air talent,

and I was
a producer behind the scenes.

I have a brother-in-law
with autism and because of that,

Donald being institutionalized

so young really shocked
Caren and me.

But then
we started to understand

that's what
parents of children like him

were told to do back then.

And they did.

♪ ♪

PETE GERHARDT: You know,
institutions were developed

with all good intentions,

it was to protect
the innocents with disabilities

from the evils of society.

But that didn't really work.
(chuckles)

That turned out to be kind of
a very expensive bad idea

for many, many people.

JOHN: They became dumping
grounds for the unwanted.

And families were pressured even
to keep the existence

of a disabled child a
complete secret.

Shame became
inextricable from disability.

So families complied with

the pressure
to institutionalize.

And that's what
Donald's parents did.

Well, I certainly think
it's chilling that 50 years ago,

people on
the spectrum were locked away.

It's hard to imagine that

someone like me
or even someone that was...

maybe had a lot more struggles
than I did

would be locked up
and just put away.

(film reel churning)

CAREN:
But then something happened

that would save Donald's life,
and alter history.

Mary and Beamon Triplett
changed their minds.

I think one day she said,

"You know what,
I'm not doing this.

I am not doing this.

You know,
it doesn't feel right."

And so they went and got him,

put him in the car-- probably
a Ford, Granddad liked Ford.

Anyway, you know,
and then headed back up here.

And then were
going to turn the page

and start another chapter
in the life of Don.

CAREN: And then she did

everything she could
to make him part of the world.

TRIPLETT: One day,
granddad went to his office,

and dictated a letter,
33 pages long,

and it was a description of Don.

What he, I guess, had observed,
he and Grandmomma had observed.

JOHN: So this description

that Donald's father
put together is truly historic,

because although it was
written by an amateur, by a dad,

it would go on to be
quoted again and again

as one of the best and earliest

clinical descriptions
of what today we call autism.

♪ ♪

TRIPLETT: "He seems almost
to live within himself,

"and seldom comes
to anyone when called.

"He seems to almost
to draw into his shell,

oblivious to
everything around him."

JOHN: Some of what Beamon wrote
was focused on Donald's

unusual strengths
when he was a one-year-old.

TRIPLETT: "He knew the pictures
of the presidents

"and the alphabet backwards
as well as forwards,

and has an unusual memory."

JOHN: But Donald's dad
also shared things

that worried his parents.

His language was very different.

When he spoke,
he reversed the way pronouns

are supposed to be used.

He was obsessed with sameness.

So if the furniture in a room
was moved around,

he would have wild tantrums.

And if he was handed any object,

all he would do is sit there
and spin it,

for hours and hours,

but he looked through people
as if they weren't even there.

TRIPLETT: "He appears to be
always thinking and thinking,

"and to get his attention

"almost requires one to
break down a mental barrier

between his inner consciousness
and the outside world."

JOHN: Donald's father
finished the letter

in September of 1938,

and then he mailed it

to the world's leading
child psychiatrist,

who was at Johns Hopkins
in Baltimore.

DR. LEO KANNER: In 1938,

Donald T., five years old then,

was brought to my clinic from
Forest, Mississippi.

JOHN:
Leo Kanner was fascinated

by Donald's
combination of behaviors,

and also puzzled by them.

And it took him

some years trying to figure out
what they signified.

I went there three times:
1938, 1940, and 1943.

JOHN: And in studying Donald,
Kanner had this epiphany,

that the categories that people
like him

would have been
placed under back then,

like feeblemindedness
or insanity,

that these represented
the wrong diagnosis,

and we're not
just talking about Donald.

Donald Triplett very likely
was not the first person

(chuckling):
to ever have autism.

There were very likely
many people who were autistic,

who were grouped into other
categories or diagnostic groups

that also hadn't been refined
yet in terms of our knowledge.

JOHN: But it was Kanner
who did something about that.

He put together what he saw
in Donald

with some observations

he subsequently made in
ten other kids

and he applied the term autism.

And in 1943,

he spelled it all out
in the article

that introduced this
whole diagnosis to the world.

And that's how
a little boy from Mississippi

got to have a place in history.

♪ ♪

CAREN: I had heard that
the first person

diagnosed with autism
might still be alive,

and he might be living in this
small town in Mississippi.

My first reaction was...

Wow!

And I dialed this phone number,
and I heard this voice.

I think I found him,

I think I found Donald Triplett,
I think this is the guy.

Hey, Donald!

How are ya?

DONALD: All right, Caren.

- Good to see you.

- Good to see you too.
- You look great.

- I haven't seen you in so long.
(Caren laughs)

- So look what I found.

Is that your graduating class?
- Oh yeah.

- Where are you?

- Yeah, that was taken
late in 1952.

- And how old were you?

- I was... I was 19
at that time.

(people laughing)

CAREN (voiceover):
So after I got to know Donald,

I got to know a lot of
his friends and neighbors.

- But I didn't get Archie,
I got John instead.

CAREN: And I got to hear
their stories about him.

Don assigned everyone
that he encountered numbers.

He loves
to give numbers to people

and he's been doing that

since when he was in
high school, I think.

Oh yeah, yeah, he gave me a
number 61 or 62 years ago, 569.

I could call Don right now, say,
"Don, what's my number?"

DONALD: That's Jon Rushing.

He's one of the people
I gave numbers to.

His number is 192.

154.

1,473.

1,315.

One-three-one-five.

DONALD: One, two, three,
four, five.

CAREN: Donald's thing
with numbers,

it reminds me so much of Mickey.

Europium, Zirconium, Lutetium,
Vanadium...

CAREN: They both have
their unique way

of organizing the world.

JOHN: Working with Caren
all of these years,

I've spent
a lot of time with Mickey.

And yeah, he has a lot of things
in common with Donald.

But I've also noticed

he's got his own things,
and one of them is

that he is really connected
to his mother.

Call Mom.

CAREN: Depending on the day,
Mickey can call, you know,

12, 13, 14 times a day.

- That was my mom.

He always calls
first thing in the morning.

And Mickey talks a lot.

(laughs)

(phone dialing out)

MICKEY (on phone): Hello, Mom!

CAREN (on phone):
How you doing sweetie?

MICKEY: You know
in the periodic table?

CAREN: Ummm...

MICKEY: I made my bed be like
the first 102 elements

of the periodic table.

CAREN: Wait, what?
What about the periodic table?

MICKEY: There was 102
in the bed also.

Me and 101 animals.

CAREN: Oh, you have 101 animals
back in the bed again?

MICKEY: Yes.

CAREN: What happened to just
having 20?

MICKEY: It's like
the periodic table almost.

CAREN: The 102 is
like the periodic table?

MICKEY: Yes.
CAREN: Oh...

Okay.

I think you should do whatever
makes you happy.

MICKEY: I love you, Mom.
CAREN: I love you, sweetheart.

(voiceover): Mickey grew up
in New Jersey with us,

but he lives in Arizona now.

(indistinct chatter)

He's part of a community
of adults who need support,

and he has that there.

MICKEY: Throwing...

Around the...

- Throwing
around the bad pigsties.

(laughs)

- No, that's
not a football phrase.

Mickey?

CAREN:
You want this on the plane?

- Yes.

- Don't eat it all.

- Old King Cole is a merry
old soul

and a merry old soul is he.

- Okay, so why are we
doing that?

(voiceover): He's in a program
where he's got

his own apartment,
and they're trying to teach him

how to live on his own.

- Bye!

- Love you.

- Squeeze?
- Squeeze.

Squeeze.

CAREN: Mickey is this young man
who's trying to find

his way to navigate the world.

- No, no, no,
that's the flight number.

- Squeeze!

All right, I'll see you soon.
- Bye!

CAREN (voiceover): I hate
that Mickey lives so far away,

but there are just so
few programs of any quality

that help adults
with autism achieve that.

At least close to us.

So Mickey, he's lovable
and charming and sweet,

but he's really,
really vulnerable.

And he's out there in the world,

and he doesn't
have the skills to know

that he can be in danger.

(ship horn blaring)

As a mom,
but also as a journalist,

I've learned that because
of basic misunderstandings,

so many bad things can happen
to people out there

who have autism.

DISPATCHER: 9-1-1, what's
the address of your emergency?

MAN: 1010 Stellar way.

DISPATCH: What's the problem?

MAN: There's an individual
that's harassing us.

He's trying to
force his way into our car.

DISPATCH: Okay.
(beeping)

There's a 9-1-1- call
from a subject,

states that he has a subject

that's trying to get into
his car.

He has no idea
who the subject is.

OFFICER: Headquarters 13-10-8.

Are they fighting?

DISPATCH: That's negative.

- Do you have an ID on you?
- No I don't.

- Put your hands
behind your back.

- No!
- Stop resisting!

Get the cuffs on him.
- Andy, can I go, please!

- Nick, stop!

- I wanna go home!

JUDY (voiceover): When I saw
Nick in handcuffs,

I knew he was in a lot
of trouble,

in a lot of
trouble psychologically.

Nick's crime was
checking mail while autistic.

There's no question about it.

And he stopped
and talked to somebody

and he should not have.

♪ ♪

(boat engine humming)

BOB (voiceover): Nick is such
a easygoing, kind person.

You know,
I mean, it was surprising

that somebody
would be so rough on him.

Other way, other way,
other way, other way.

There you go.

Everybody knows Nick in town.

He's been here most of his life,

I mean, and everybody knows him.

You know, he makes the
dog tags, and he's all over town

with this... with the people
that work with him.

MAGGIE: When I first started
going out

in the community with Nick,

it was such a warm,

accepted feeling all the time.

VERONICA: Anyone who knows Nick
knows that he is

the most easygoing...

(sighs)
passive kind of guy.

CAREN: He has these routines,
and a schedule

that includes walking down
the street every day

to get the mail.

Another thing he would do

is he would look into
the parked cars along the way,

to make sure
they were all locked.

But the guys
who called the cops on Nick

were from out of town,
and they just didn't know him.

They tried asking him, you know,
a couple of questions

that it was kind
of challenging to answer

because he has autism.

- Do you have an ID on you?
- No, I don't.

JUDY: Nick's never been
in trouble in his life.

I had no idea what was going on.

I thought
maybe somebody was hurt or...

because there was an ambulance
and so on and so forth.

I didn't... I had no idea.
- I wanna go home!

- I'm going to spray you!

- Do you know this person?
- That's my son.

What are you doing with my boy?
What happened?

- He was trying to get inside
this car.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, he does
that from time to time.

- Okay.
- He went to check the mail.

- So what happened was,

they thought he was trying
to steal the car.

- Nah.

- I know, I know what
you're saying. Is he...?

- He has autism.
- Okay.

All right.
We pepper sprayed him.

We didn't know he was--
- My God!

I can't believe you
pepper sprayed him.

- Ma'am--
- How dare you do this? Oh...

(voiceover): And when I saw how
battered he was,

it was really... I just needed
to get him to safety.

How dare you?

Do you hear him saying,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry?"

- Ma'am, I'll talk to you after.
- I said, "What did you do?"

No, I'm talking to you now.

- Okay.
- What did you do?

"I don't know what I did."

He looked in a car?

I turned around and asked him
why there were, um...

hand prints around Nick's neck
and nails dug into his neck.

Do you see the bruises
on his neck?

- Yes.

- Can you explain how
this happened?

- Yes.
Because he was resisting.

- Oh my God!

So you pepper-sprayed him
and choked him?

You choked my son?

- We don't choke people, ma'am.

VERONICA (voiceover):
Mistakes happen.

Even really bad ones.

But your ability to own them...

Ma'am, let the medics--

VERONICA: ...is a sign that you
can move on,

that you can say
"I learned from this."

- Okay, that's refusal then.

That you can
at least learn from it.

Obviously, law enforcement
survives and thrives

on communication,

and by definition, autism is
a communication disorder.

CAREN: You know,
police departments

around the country

are really trying to solve
this problem.

- Some individuals, obviously,

may not be able to make
eye contact with you.

- There are a lot of medical

and mental conditions
that create the same effects

as somebody that has autism.

- For our students
and residents,

you can just come on in.

You're going to sit next to
an officer.

- And what about that
right there?

- That's pretty scary.
- Yeah.

CAREN: Police need to understand

people with autism better.

And people with autism

need to understand
the police as well.

- I like how it talks,
that's great.

CAREN: I signed Mickey up
for one of these classes

because I can so easily see him
innocently getting into trouble.

He'd be afraid of something,
he'd run away,

he'd do all the things
that you shouldn't do.

(train honks)

We want Mickey out
in the world on his own,

and he's worked so hard

to learn how to do
so many things.

- Is that policy still a rule
to show my bracelet?

- Yes.
You did great, thank you.

- But what if I'm wearing
a long-sleeved shirt

and it can't be seen?

- Well, I know you, so.
- Yeah.

- I know that a lot of you
are getting ready to graduate

from the program.

CAREN: His program in Phoenix is
all about the things

that are still
really challenging for him.

- What else?

- Ability to differentiate
between wants and needs.

- Okay, what's a want?
Give me an example of a want.

- A want: video games.

- Okay, but what's a need?

- Your clothes.
- Perfect.

(birds twittering)

(knock on door)

EDDIE: It's Eddie.

CAREN: Mick gets a lot of
teaching and coaching.

- Hello!
- Good morning, sir.

- I'm leaving at 9:30.
- Okay, good.

CAREN: He still has a lot that
he can learn.

- Did you brush your teeth?
- I did.

- Did you put on
your deodorant?

- I did.
- You did?

- Yes.

- What kind of deodorant
do you use again?

- I use Sure.

- Sure? Is it the stick
or the spray?

- A stick.
- Okay. All right, Mickey.

Well, you go out
and conquer today, okay?

CAREN: But if Mick's
really gonna make it out there,

I need to know that
everybody else is

ready to make room for him.

And it's not just Mickey,
it's everybody who's different.

♪ ♪

(cheers and applause)

MAN:
Good morning!

Everybody ready for a
Wing Dang Doodle this year?

KID:
Yeah!

♪ ♪

CAREN: When I first started
to get to know Donald,

I was really surprised at

the way the community
had embraced him,

and understood him,

and accepted him,
and protected him.

Exactly what I want for Mickey.

Well, hi, Don darling!

- Hey!

- Hey! How are you today?

They didn't even know
that Donald had autism.

They just knew that Donald
was Donald.

SID: I think the mistake
people make when they first

encounter Don is that

there's some impairment
of his intelligence.

That's absolutely not the case.

He's, he's extremely intelligent

and he's perceptive,

he keeps up with the world
around him.

But in conversation,

he's going to come at almost
everything from the side.

CAREN: Do you remember, Don,

what... what your...

what your dad was like?

SID: He doesn't discuss
feelings.

- Yeah, that's right,
I remember how tall he was.

He had white hair,
he was about 5'8".

SID: You get short snippets
of very direct,

sometimes brutally honest
answers.

CAREN: What about your mom?

Can you tell me anything about
your mother?

- Uh, uh, she was
two inches shorter.

Donald is...

Is not really chatty.

To carry on a conversation

in complete sentences,

he does not do.

He's not gonna chit-chat.

He'll chit-chat, but it's
gonna be a short chit-chat.

He loves to be funny.

He'll say, "Hey, Celeste,

I'm gonna shoot you with
a rubber band on Sunday."

(piano playing)

It's usually
not during the service,

it's sometimes before
the service or after,

when the preacher
pronounces the benediction.

I'll get a little sting
and I'll know what it is.

(piano playing)

Did you shoot me
with a rubber band?

- Oh, yeah.

I've already shot you.

- I didn't even see you.

It's hard not to love him.

I think it's him, not us.
(laughs)

SID: Once you've been
around him, it's just difficult

to not want to pull for him
and root for him.

And in a community like Forest,
one reaction that Don

evoked from the townspeople,

was, yeah,
Don's got some odd behaviors

and some eccentricities,

but he's our guy,
and we don't want to see

anyone take advantage of him,

or manipulate him,
or harm him in any way.

Donald gave me hope,

but I don't know
that I knew that at the time.

But I was just so drawn to him
and this community.

I want to figure out
how did they get it right,

because they really did
get it right.

As beautifully as
things turned out for Donald,

it wasn't that way
for most people with autism

in those early decades,

when all
the messages about autism

were totally bleak and dark.

♪ ♪

NARRATOR:
Children in a shell.

In a glass ball.

Cut off from
the world around them.

CAREN:
It's really heartbreaking,

to think about
how children with autism

were treated back then.

Researchers treated kids
like lab animals.

They were
testing these crazy theories

in not very ethical ways.

They ran LSD
experiments on them.

They wrapped them in cold,
wet sheets.

And they tested pain
as a way to focus attention.

Then they came up
with this really crazy idea,

the Refrigerator Mother theory.

RITA: I was made to believe
that I was one of those mothers,

that I had
caused my child's autism.

CAREN: Did you believe that
it was your fault?

- Oh yeah. I did.

Mm-hmm. Sure.
CAREN: Why?

RITA: When I was in college
I had read

Bruno Bettelheim's book.

♪ ♪

He was the authority
at the time.

ANNOUNCER:
"The Dick Cavett Show!"

My next guest
runs a center or school

for severely disturbed children
at the University of Chicago

and with a degree of success

that his colleagues have
considered miraculous.

His work with... particularly
with autistic children.

RITA: Bruno Bettelheim's theory
is that

mothers who were cold
and unfeeling

were therefore unable
to bond with their child.

For every child,
in order to survive,

one must have the feeling
that somebody...

you are terribly
important to somebody.

CAVETT: Somebody cares.

That somebody
really cares for you.

This blaming of mothers thing
for autism,

was not some fringe idea,

it was some blip that
came and went.

It was dominant

for a long time in psychiatry,

and it had a huge, huge
and damaging impact.

NEWSREEL NARRATOR: Mother is
uncertain of herself,

and unduly anxious to please.

In spite of her gentleness,
mother's determination

to make normal contact
with Margaret,

is apt to drive her further
and further into her autism.

Well it sounds crazy now,

but it was
very much the theory then.

JOHN: So that just goes to what
mothers of autistic children

were being told back then,
which was that they had

to go into therapy themselves
to learn how to love their kids.

RITA: I mean
that was the concept that,

you know, that if you could
discover what caused it,

then, you know, maybe you could
learn to relate better

to your child.

JOHN: It was an epic
gaslighting of these mothers

by the psychiatric profession,

and especially Bruno Bettelheim,
because it turns out,

he was no expert.

After his death in 1990,

it came out that his doctorate
was not in psychiatry,

or in psychology,
or anything close to that.

It was in art history.

He just had everybody fooled.

RITA: Isn't that something?

Caused an era of women
who blamed themselves

for their children.

And, you know,
and I was an educated woman

and I bought
this hook, line, and sinker,

it's amazing.

CAREN: So while many women
got swept up in the craziness

of mother blaming,

there were
others who began to fight

for the rights of
their autistic children.

MOVIE NARRATOR: The outlook for
Shawn Lapin is not good.

With help, and care,
and proper education,

he could recover and grow
into a normal adult.

But it's a long shot.

CAREN: I first met the Lapins
in an old documentary

John and I had found.

MOVIE NARRATOR: Take Connie and
Harvey Lapin for example.

They have a seven-year-old
autistic child.

They've been running
since he was born

looking for help for him.

HARVEY:
I think the autistic child

has been the most
excluded child in the country.

CAREN: They told me they could
remember the exact day

they turned into fighters.

It was in 1971,
the day they drove their son

to Camarillo State Hospital
to leave him there.

He was three.

It was the same thing
Donald's parents had done

34 years earlier.

Can you believe
we're doing this?

We took a freeway here
that never even existed

how many years ago? 40...?

- When we brought Shawn?
- Yeah.

- 47.
- (chuckling): 47 years ago.

(sighs)
- That was the hardest

drive I ever took in my life.

The only school for autism,

and it's
Camarillo State Hospital.

CAREN: The hospital's been
converted into a college campus.

But a few of the old psych
wards are still sitting there,

and, and they're empty.

So do you remember the day

when you...
when you drove up here?

The sun was
shining like today.

- We had an appointment.
- We had an appointment,

and I remember

walking in with Shawn,
and Brad, and Harvey.

And we went right
to the children's unit.

And we met the director,
Dr. Rieger.

He took us around,

and then he looked at us,
as a family,

and said, "This is
the last place for your child.

Go home and figure it out."

He saw a family that he thought
would be fighters, I think,

a husband and wife,
with resources.

(voice breaking):
I'm glad it looks like (muted).

(exhales)

(voice breaking):
I'm just glad I didn't do it.

♪ ♪

CAREN: What was
the fight that you had?

- The right to get in the door.

- The right to education.
- Get him in school.

- I can't emphasize enough--

- To give him the right
to go to school.

MOVIE NARRATOR: Most schools
won't even accept a child

like Shawn Lapin.

- And now we'll count.

Ready, begin--
one, two, three...

MOVIE NARRATOR: Shawn went
through eight programs

in three years.

For each one of them, his mother
pounded on a dozen doors

and harangued
a score of administrators.

HARVEY: What it came down to,
you weren't...

supposedly you weren't

capable to be educated.

If you have autism you're out.
- Yes.

- "You can't come here.

We don't, we don't deal
with those kind."

It's absolutely
astounding to me,

that children with autism
did not have the legal right

to go to school
back in the '60s and '70s.

And if it wasn't for
the parents that got out there

and fought to change that,

you know, someone like my son,
Mickey,

wouldn't have
been able to go to school.

CONNIE:
Shawn became a poster child

to say, "There's
a thing called autism."

CAREN: They walked picket lines
and they raised tons of money.

Well, we want money
for research so badly,

I can't begin to tell you.

Their lives are passing
in front of them...

CAREN:
And they went to lawmakers.

- ...while
they sit on waiting lists.

CAREN:
And it took a long time.

But they won.

This year, for the first time,

the state of
California has ordered

that public schools
must accept autistic children.

CAREN: Over the years,
they campaigned to get

institutions closed...

- Hold on, you don't want
to fall.

CAREN: ...for research funding,

and housing opportunities.

And they're still not done.

They're almost regulars
at the California statehouse,

still fighting for the rights
of people with autism.

- I'm here still today,
at my age 78,

because I still have hope,
and I won't stop fighting,

and I'm hopeful that you
will make a safety net

that's realistic.

CAREN: And so Shawn,
he lives with his brother Brad,

and some other support staff.
- Hello, Shawn!

CAREN: And that support,
it's expensive.

(people cheering)

And they need to know
it'll be there

when they're gone.

That's why they fight.

It's love that keeps them

and so many other
families going.

(people cheering)

You got 'em!

- Whoo! Shawn!
(cheers and applause)

- He got a-- look! Look!
Look! Look!

He got a strike!

(cheers and applause)

♪ ♪

CAREN: Love also helps,
in trying to understand

that complicated question:
what is autism?

What does being autistic mean?

(phone dialing out)

Hi, I can't wait to see you!

MICKEY (on phone):
I hope Molly can come.

CAREN: Molly is gonna come.

MICKEY: I love you.

CAREN: I love you too.

MOLLY: Hi!
- Hello, Molly.

- Come give me a hug.

CAREN: Molly is the love
of Mickey's life.

- Hi!
- Hello.

- How are you?
- I'm fine.

- What's up?
- I'm having a good time.

CAREN: They have this
extraordinarily

beautiful relationship.

And she gets how Mickey has
his own way of thinking.

- Wait, can you show me
your apartment?

- Yes.

- Oh... my God!

(laughs)

That's a lot of stuffed animals.
- Yes.

- Do you have your keys?
- Yes.

- Or is it open?
- It's open.

- (laughing): Oh my God!

Did you get more than last time?

- I'm trying to find
the animal I named after you.

This is the one
I named after you, Molly.

- That's so cute,
what kind is it?

- It's a cat.

- How do you sleep here?

- I love it. Joy joy.

- Wait, how did you
even collect all these?

Do you buy these yourself?

- Yes with joy joy.

- With what money?
- My own.

Safe to pet?

- (laughs)

What is this?
- Koala.

♪ ♪

CAREN:
Now about these animals,

they all belong to a system.

In Mickey's mind that is.

Mickey gives
each animal a number.

Like this one is number seven.

Which he then connects
with the periodic table,

where the seventh element
is nitrogen.

But seven is also a number
he assigns to his sister, Molly.

And Molly also gets a song
to go with her name and number,

"Old MacDonald."

Or this animal,
he's given it the number 46.

Element on the table, palladium.

Person with the number,
Liz, his friend.

And she gets
an Irish ballad for her song,

"Star of the County Down."

And on it goes,

animal, number,
element, person, song.

Animal, number, element,
person, song.

He's got
thousands of these connections

going on in his head,

and they're all organized,
all the time.

And maybe nobody else gets it,
but he does.

Autism is a little different.

Your brain works a lot
differently than most people.

We don't like change.

We don't like the unexpected.

It's not always easy

for me to
relate to other people.

You have to
learn things intellectually

that other
people know intuitively.

When a layperson asks me, um,

"What is autism?"
like my response is

it's a developmental disorder
that impacts communication

and social skills.

Obviously there's more to it
than that.

When I'm asked
to go a little further,

and I say well, for example,
people on the spectrum

tend to be very concrete.

So if you use subjective
language, if you use metaphor,

if you use simile,

they may not really understand
what you're trying to say.

- Tell them about the episode

where our mother

suggested it to you that drink

six glasses of water a day.

You remember that?

DONALD: Yes I remember that.

OLIVER: Well, what did you do?

I got six glasses,
and lined them up

and filled them with water,

and I drank one by one,
each one of them.

- Mother came in there and said,
"Don, what are you doing?"

And Don's response to her was,

"Well, you told me
to drink six glasses

(laughing): of water a day,
that's what I'm doing."

- Ah, right.

I was diagnosed in my early 40s
as an adult,

and I was diagnosed
with Asperger's syndrome.

Can I take a picture of you
on that stump over there?

VALERIE: The core
characteristics

of autism include social
and communication differences.

- All right, put your arms out.

VALERIE: As well as what we call

in the diagnostic literature

repeated
and restricted interests.

- Question: when we were
talking about autism

and then you were
talking about Julia,

from "Sesame Street," can you
tell me a little bit about her?

- She was the first character
to have autism.

- On "Sesame Street"?
- Yes.

May I see
your painting, Julia?

Um... Julia?

- Sometimes it takes Julia
a while to answer.

It helps to ask again.

Uh, Julia?
- Hm?

- Can Big Bird see
your painting?

- See your painting? Yes.

- Do you see any similarities
between you and Julia?

- Because we both have
a similar way...

- Of what?
- Of, of communicating.

- How many languages
can you say the word cat in?

- In Russian, koshka.

- Spanish?
- Gato.

It's the same in Italian
as well.

VALERIE: I like to call

repeated
and restricted interests,

deep and focused interests.
(chuckles)

Um, and I like that because
that it describes my experience

and the experience of others

in a less clinical way.

- Gato, that's Portuguese.

- We have seven
names we can say cats in?

- Yes.

♪ ♪

(marching band playing)

JOHN: When Caren and I were
trying to figure out

why Forest was
so accepting of Donald

in an era when acceptance
like that was so rare,

you know, and kids like him, you
know, didn't get to go school,

we found
a really important fact--

he did get to go to school,

in this
little town in Mississippi

And, in fact,
that's where this whole

generation of people
in his community,

first got to know him.

JOBYNA: I've known Don

since he was... six years old.

My first memories would
start in the second grade.

JOHN: And we learned that
it was his mother,

Mary Triplett, who got him in.

She reached out
personally to the principal

of the local elementary school.

- I would bet that they could,
you know, probably hear

the desperation in her voice

and realized that, you know,

she, she really wanted this
to happen.

JOHN: She more or less insisted
that they take her son there.

And what that at least
partly reflects, we think,

is the clout
that the family Triplett

had in the small town of Forest.

Because they stood at the top
of the social hierarchy there.

SID: Don's father was one

of the pillars of the community.

The other thing is
his family had resources.

- Yeah.

- You know, they could--
- Good resources.

CAREN: So as I learned more
about Donald's happy life,

I began to see that

his story had a lot to do
with who his family was,

and that they had money,
and influence.

But, the reality is,

so many families will never
have those advantages.

JASON: I think my story is just
the average story.

You know, a single parent
raising a kid.

You know,
I just happen to be a man,

a single daddy raising his son
who happens to be autistic.

You know, it was just...
he was in a bad situation,

you know, when he...

Before I got custody of him
at 18 months old.

Wasn't being taken care
of properly, that kind of stuff.

Mom was on drugs, all that.

What's up?

- What's up.

- You waiting on the van?
- Yes.

- You going to school?
- Yes.

- Gonna have fun?
- Yes.

- When I say severely autistic,

I mean my son requires
around-the-clock care

because most things he can't be
left to do on his own,

because if he is,
it ain't going to get done.

I have to wash him up
in the bathtub,

because if I try to
leave him alone to do it,

he won't do it,
and he's also epileptic,

so he can't be
left alone in the bathtub.

- Have... have a good day.

- All right. See you.

- See ya!

Even going to the bathroom,
I have to be there.

I have to guide him
through going to the bathroom,

even though
he knows how to do it.

If I don't go with him,
he won't go.

Or he'll go on the floor,
or he'll go in the sink,

or he'll wipe it
all over the bathroom,

or something like that.

CAREN: Do you get any kind of
support from anybody?

- Not really. Not really,
it's just, it's just me.

CAREN: I know you've
told me that you're not working.

JASON: I was a painter,

I was painting
the different apartments,

like when people move out,

I would go in,
clean the apartment,

paint it, get it ready
for the next tenants.

But when my son started
having seizures, that meant

me not showing up for work
for two days.

So I lost the painting job.

Then I got a job cleaning
offices down the street.

But then I couldn't even do that

(chuckling): because I kept
getting calls from school.

He's hitting the staff,
or he's scratching the staff.

He's drawing blood,
you have to come get him,

he's a danger.

Come on.
- (indistinct)

CAREN: Sheamus is one of those
kids that has

the kind of autism that the
public rarely gets to see.

And that really isolates
families,

especially families that don't
have money and support.

- Wanna meet somebody?
- Yeah.

- Okay, that's Caren.
Wanna say hi?

- Hi.
- Hello!

(Jason chuckles)
Hi Caren.

- Hi!
- Hello.

- Come on.

- Hello!

(Jason laughs)

- Can I shake your hand?

- Yeah.

- Nice to meet you.

- Oh!

CAREN: I learned about him
because his dad found his way

around the isolation part.

He tweets, all the time,

about his life with Sheamus.

JASON: I went to Twitter,
and I said,

"Well, this is gonna be where

"I'm gonna speak how
I wanna speak about autism.

"I am gonna tell what my son
does every day.

I'm gonna tell what I do
every day."

And if people don't like it,

they can unfollow
or leave me alone.

Don't gotta be bothered.

You know, I'm gonna name it
Autism Hood,

'cause it's a hood of autism,
where people can come,

congregate, talk about things,

complain about things,
cry about things,

rejoice about things.

And if you're having a bad day,
we can have bad days together,

or we're having good days
together, we can do that.

Talk about our kids,
anything, you know?

Just keep it positive,
pretty much.

Like if my son woke up
one morning,

and decided to just
run through the house naked

until it was time to go
to school,

(chuckling):
then I would tweet that out,

because that's what actually
happened.

But then somewhere
in Twitter-land,

it happens somewhere else,
and they read it,

and they were like, "Oh my God,
the same thing happened,

"thank you for writing that,

"'cause I didn't wanna
write that."

(clippers buzzing)

I think the biggest thing
that social media does

for special needs parents is

makes them feel like
they're not alone,

you're not isolated.

That's how you cut hair.
(chuckles)

How you like it, Bo?
- Good.

JASON (voiceover):
Well, if I'm not here

to do this constant assistance
and help,

then who is gonna be here
to do that?

I think if I'm not here
to do it,

he's just not gonna get it.

Nobody's gonna do what I do.

And I honestly believe that.

Nobody in my life that I know

is gonna take over,
and do every single thing

the way I do it,
every single day.

They're just not,
'cause they're not

invested in my son like I am.

And that's the reality of it,
you know?

If I was to suddenly
pass away, I'm pretty sure

he wouldn't understand
what happened.

CAREN: So you just can't die?

Right. Right. Just gotta
be immortal, you know.

Gotta get some robot parts
and all that kind of stuff.

Ready to say bye?

- Bye!

- Say bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

(phone dialing out)

CAREN: Mickster!
MICKEY (on phone): Meow!

CAREN: How are you, baby?

Do you know what cats like
to wish me?

A meowie Christmas.

CAREN: Mickey
is totally into cats.

- Meow.

CAREN: He meows a lot.

- Meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow.

And he purrs a lot,

and he'll tell
you that he's purrfect.

How do you say cat in Dutch?

How do you say cat in Castilian?

How do you say cat in Swedish?

SIRI: I can't translate
into Swedish yet.

I wanted Mickey to have a kitten

'cause I felt that
he was lonely.

- ♪ Here kitty, kitty, kitty ♪

CAREN: Mickey and I talked about
getting a kitten

for probably almost a year.

(on phone): How are you feeling
about the cat kitten thing?

- I'm feeling fine, right meow.

(cat meows)

KEN: If you decide that
you do want to adopt,

you almost have to get to
a point where you hold them,

because they'll come to you
for...

- I'd rather pet them
and not adopt them.

- That's okay.
That's perfectly fine.

CAREN (on phone): How are you
feeling about getting a cat?

- A little bit nervous.

CAREN: A little bit nervous?

Do you not wanna get one?

- I don't know... I don't know
if I wanna get one.

CAREN: All right. You know,
you don't have to get one

if you don't want one.
- Okay.

CAREN: But I really thought

it might be something that
made him happy.

So as part of the transition
program that Mickey was in,

a whole bunch
of students and Mickey

went to this animal shelter,

to feed these preemie kittens

and to play with kittens,

and I thought this was like
sort of the perfect opportunity.

- ♪ Here kitty, kitty, kitty. ♪

(fake cough)

I'm allergic to kittens.

CAREN: I'm trying to get Mickey
to hold the kittens,

and like telling him
how cute they are,

and you could see Mickey's face.

It's like a stuffed animal.

Do you wanna bottle feed it?

- I'm allergic to this cat.

CAREN: And I go to give Mickey
a kitten, and I know this is it.

Sit down. Just sit down.

- I'm a little bit nervous.
- I know.

Just sit down right here.

- Don't give the cat to me.
- I'm not giving the cat to you.

And he looks at me
and he says...

- I think baby kittens
are disgusting.

- Mickey!

And that was it.

No more kitten.

I think he's probably
afraid of the kittens.

- I don't know what
that kitty's name is.

CAREN: Animals kind of scare him
because they're unpredictable.

And people with autism
like predictability.

So it would make sense
that he would like

a stuffed animal that he knows
exactly what it's gonna do

and when it's gonna do it,
which is nothing,

to a real animal.

I love these animals,
they're my friends,

my stuffed animal friends.

I just felt badly for him.

That's all.

Because I can't give him
someone to snuggle,

to be his companion.

It was never about him
wanting to own a cat.

- I'm excited.

Mama pull her tail.

(laughs)

CAREN: I don't pull tails.

- We went through this,
this morning, Mickey.

Does she pull tails?

- Tails are not for pulling.
(all laugh)

CAREN: Mickey discovered a way
he could relate to people.

("Meow Mix Jingle" playing on
cell phone)

(chuckling)

CAREN: For someone like Mickey,

who has a hard time
connecting to people,

his cat patter,
it's, it's his way in.

- (on phone): ...out the window,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow

meow, meow, meow.

♪ ♪

JOBYNA: I think in certain
areas, he's a genius.

You could give him...

complicated numbers,

you know, like
317 plus 109 and 10,

all of that,
like a list of three,

and he'd sit there
a few minutes,

(clicks tongue)
give you that number.

- He could multiply them.

Four-digit numbers...
- Yeah.

- By four-digit numbers.

You remember the movie
"Rain Man"?

And, and the toothpicks?

(clattering)

- Can I have the check?

Sorry about the toothpicks.

- 82, 82,

82.

It's a lot more than

82 toothpicks, Ray.

But...

246 total.
- Change.

(clicks tongue)

How many
toothpicks are there?

- Um... 250.

- Pretty close.

Come on, let's go, Ray.

- 246.

- There's four left in the box.

- (distantly): I have to
get my backpack...

When I saw that movie,
I thought, "Gosh,

that's Donald Gray, up one side
and down the other."

CAREN: You know, the first time
I saw the movie "Rain Man,"

Mickey hadn't even been born.

I didn't know
anything about autism.

I just knew that this film
was a stunning look

inside the mind of
someone with autism.

I had no idea that portrayal

would lead to misconceptions
about autistic people,

especially that toothpick scene.

What happens in that scene

is not typical of
most people with autism,

but because there were
no other characters

portrayed by Hollywood

or television around that time,

other than Raymond
and his toothpick counting,

that's what
a lot of people assumed

autism looked like
in everybody.

Of course I'm an excellent
driver.

JOHN (voiceover):
And also that

people with autism,
like Raymond in the movie,

were not capable of
living independent lives.

But that's no longer
the way autism is seen today,

because the definition
has changed

so much since then.

It's become broader,

and we have
the autism spectrum.

We have a lot of people
getting diagnosed today

who would not have
in the past,

and that includes people who
are getting diagnosed as adults.

ROBISON:
I was 40

when I learned about this
autism thing.

And at first I was shocked,

because I-- all I knew of
autistic people was

they, they didn't talk.

CAREN:
I've known John Robison

for a really long time,

and we're friends.

And I remember one of the
first things he ever told me

was this amazing story
about his experiences

working with bands
like Pink Floyd and Kiss.

ROBISON: One of the
things that I'm very proud of

is the equipment
that I made, it did its job.

It worked.

It, it played music,
it exploded, it lit up.

(electric guitar blaring)

The musicians were
always welcoming to me.

For a person, you know,

who'd been rejected
all his life,

people calling
me names and stuff,

nobody ever called me names

except in a
complimentary way in music.

I mean they might have said,
"Wow," you know, "Ampie,"

because they called
me Ampie,

because I made the amplifiers.

You know, and Ampie,
they might say, you know,

"He's crazy," or
"He's like a real freak,"

but he was
like a brilliant freak.

♪ ♪

I have many gifts, I suppose,
as a result of being different.

But I also have disabilities.

I wasn't very good,

and I'm still not very good,

at reading emotional cues.

A lot of times I would...

say a wrong thing,

and I would have no clue
what I did wrong.

I just thought that I was like
a second-rate person.

But I have been

really lucky in my life,
because...

first, when I was, you know,
in my early 20s,

I was able to engineer

musical things

that would sing for the world.

So I didn't have to
find a way into a conversation.

And I took up fixing cars,

and people would come
to talk to me about the cars.

And then I began
writing about autism,

and people
talked to me about that.

But in every case,

the work that I created
spoke for me.

And for me,
that's how I have overcome

the disability
of not being able

to figure out what to say.

I don't figure it out,
other people say things to me.

(applause)

CAREN: John's lived an
extraordinary life.

- Thank you all
for joining me here today.

CAREN: He speaks
all over the country.

His goal is to

inspire people with autism

to have pride in themselves,
to see autism

as part of their identity.

- How we talk
about neurodiversity.

It's us folks.

Neurodiversity is
the idea that

some amount of
neurological diversity

is a normal,
healthy part of humanity.

Neurodiversity is
our word for what we are

and our word
is not a word of disability.

Our word is
a word of empowerment.

(cheers and applause)

CAREN: Today,

the dominant picture

the public gets of autism

is through characters
like Max from "Parenthood."

- Some people say
that having Asperger's

can sometimes be a bad thing,
but I'm glad I have it,

because I think
it's my greatest strength.

CAREN:
Or "The Good Doctor"--

a guy who has challenges,

but is also
unbelievably brilliant.

- Check valve.

♪ ♪

CAREN: But there's a problem
with this uplifting picture.

It's who tends to
get left out of the story.

There are a whole lot
of people like John Robison

who can speak for themselves,
and that's fantastic,

but there's
a whole lot of people

on the other end of
the spectrum who can't.

It's the warm and fuzzy
view of autism.

These are the stories
that make people feel good.

(young Jonah crying)

WOMAN: Don't hit me!

I don't like it when you hit me.

AMY:
No one wants to hear about

the autistic person
that attacked his mother

or smashed
his head against the floor.

Like that's
a really disturbing story,

and no one wants to hear it.

(young Jonah crying)

- Don't hit me!
I don't like...

AMY: When I look back on

those years that
Jonah was aggressive,

I don't know how
he got through it.

These rages would come over him,

multiple times a day often.

And I mean, they never
lasted very long,

but, you know, 15 minutes
of your kid, um, you know,

trying to rip your hair out or
bite you or kick you is...

is a long time
when it's happening.

♪ ♪

CAREN:
Amy Lutz has been

raising a son with autism for
almost as long as I have.

But they're profoundly
different young men.

♪ ♪

AMY:
Jonah loves to spin.

He turns on some
"Sesame Street" music,

and he starts

flying around the room.

♪ ♪

He looks like Scott Hamilton
on ice skates sometimes.

CAREN: Jonah has
a family that completely

loves and supports him.

They really get him.

And they get
that he has something to say,

like his
"Sesame Street" drawings.

There's always a lot of...
some movement in Jonah's art.

CAREN:
When you put them together,

you can see that
he's creating this motion,

like a cartoon.

When he is
through with his series,

he will crumple it up

and just throw it
in the trash can.

Because art is all
about process for Jonah,

not about product.

♪ ♪

AMY: You know,
I can describe Jonah

and talk about his struggles

for the rest of my life,

and I'm sure
I will be doing that.

All right, Jonah,
number two is?

- Walk.

- Can I help
you with your socks?

(voiceover): I don't believe
that Jonah has a real conception

of what it would mean to
leave home,

and what it means to
have a job, and...

You know, these are
really abstract concepts,

and Jonah does not
have abstract concepts.

I'll do the socks,
you do the shoes.

(voiceover):
He has no safety awareness.

And if you notice,
we have these...

(buttons clicking)

...code locks on
all our exterior doors,

that we had to install to
prevent Jonah from wandering.

(voiceover):
When Jonah was younger,

he would find
a way to slip out.

Some... you know,
he'd get out the front door,

he dropped out of some windows.

And several times
we found him walking down

this busy road on his iPad,
you know,

with, you know, traffic
stopped on either side,

while somebody tried
to coax him out of the road,

and somebody else
called the police.

Those of us
who live with autism,

you know,
in its more severe forms,

we don't think of it as a gift.

It's incredibly disabling.

(struggling)

MAN: You want some help?

- WOMAN: Up-up-up-up...

AMY:
I've seen kids who

have to wear
helmets and arm stays,

to keep them
from bending their arms,

because as
soon as you release them,

they punch
themselves in the face,

hundreds of times an hour,

until they detach
their own retinas.

You know, I've seen...

autistic teenagers
that still have to wear diapers.

Kids that have
no language at all.

And I think that's an

incredibly important
distinction to make.

That when...
when your neurodiversity

starts to really restrict
your opportunities in the world,

that's not an identity,
that is a pathology.

And if everybody
could accept this idea,

that at some point

neurodiversity
shades into pathology,

and we don't even have to
have a huge argument

about where exactly
that point is.

I think it's about
how much it impacts

your functioning in the world.

(on-screen): Ready to
get the princess some steak?

- (Jonah laughing)
- What's that?

- Did you get
the princess some steak?

(voiceover):
I would love not to have to

talk about
Jonah's previous aggression.

I would love not to have to
talk about his, you know,

his cognitive impairments.

(on-screen):
Oh, sorry, excuse us.

(voiceover): But I do that,
because it's critical that those

with the most profound needs
are central to any conversation

about policy,
about stigma,

about autism writ large.

I think the spectrum
is enormously broad.

And so everyone who
can speak for themselves

should speak for themselves.

And if people think
I'm somehow subverting

her thoughts or wishes
or desires,

then I would just say I'm
doing the best job that I can.

I would love that if
Slade could speak for himself.

I hope he can.

But until he does,
I am definitely his protector

and his facilitator,

to help him navigate life.

(Slade vocalizing)

I think autism now
is a meaningless diagnosis,

simply because the range
of people who...

(on-screen):
Excuse us, sorry.

- Excuse us, excuse me.
- Oh.

(voiceover):
...Who carry that diagnosis

is impossibly broad,
to the point

that you don't know
anything about a person

by hearing that that person's

been diagnosed with autism.

(on-screen):
Over here.

Stay with
Mommy and Daddy, please.

You know,
researchers are starting to

talk about "The Autisms."

You know,
that Jonah's autism

is not the same as
John Robison's autism.

And that, it's not useful
to think of them as the same.

You're heavy.

(doorbell chimes)

You know, we love this place,

because not only does Sarah

give Jonah a great haircut
every time,

but they don't mind if
he lies down on the floor

or if he starts spinning.

And they're
totally cool with it.

They really welcome
Jonah into their shop,

and we're so happy to

bring them our business.

CAREN:
What did you think about

the people who were
coming in for haircuts,

how they treated Jonah?
- Ah.

I mean, that's kind of

what I'm seeing
a lot now these days,

is that people are nice.

(on-screen):
Excuse us, sorry.

No, go ahead.
I'm sorry.

(voiceover): You know,

often people will stop
and say he's great, or...

"I know someone with autism,
is he autistic?"

They really accept him there,
they welcome him there,

and it's why we keep going back.

Thank you!

ROB RESNIK: People
might see the disability,

and when you're a parent

or when you're around
them all the time,

you just see their personality.

And his is just
so pleasant and sweet that,

you know,
he's just a great guy.

- (humming)
- He's a great worker.

He's great around the house.

And people may not see that,

and they may see
our situation as difficult

if they really didn't know
what he was like.

- (humming)

(chuckling): Like that.
Good.

(laughs)

- (muffled speaking)

♪ ♪

You've been
traveling a long time.

- Yep.

CAREN:
So the first diagnosed child,

he's in his ninth decade
of life now.

- November of 1989, that's...

when I went to Australia.

CAREN: And he's doing things
that nobody

would have ever expected.

- So this is 30 years of travel

in these passports.

- Yeah, it sure is.
- Yeah.

I get a picture
from Germany or Iceland

or Florida,

(chuckling):
Wherever he goes, you know.

And I often wonder,

how in the world
does he make it alone?

You know,
I don't like to travel alone.

(laughs)

He liked playing golf.

- Oh gosh! Yeah, he did.
- And...

Snow on the ground,
if it's hailing,

he's out there
on the golf course.

Don has a really unique...

waggle and swing,

and if you've ever
watched him

go through
the motions of that,

it's, it's difficult to

take your eyes away.

WOMAN: Great job.
MAN: All right, right down--

he's the only one
to hit it down the middle.

(Donald chuckling)
WOMAN: All right.

MAN: Good shot, D.T.

CAREN:
You know, I think back to

this little boy who
was put in an institution

in the 1930s...

(group exclaiming)

CAREN: He's just come so far.

(indistinct chatter)

And he really has it all.

But Donald
is sort of an outlier.

DONALD: Oh, thank you.

SID: Obviously,
the whole discussion

begs the question of,

if there had not been

the respect for

Mr. Beamon Triplett
that the community had,

if there had not been
the network of support,

all of those things,

would Don's life have
turned out the same way?

JOHN: So there's another
important factor

about the environment
that Donald grew up in.

He was a white child
raised in the Jim Crow South.

And Forest was
a segregated community.

Separate facilities
and all that.

Of course, a lot has changed
since then,

but there's no doubt that

a child who was Black

growing up
when Donald was a kid

would have had
nothing like his advantages,

even to getting diagnosed.

And it's not just the South.

For Black children,
getting diagnosed with autism

has always been a challenge.

When Caren and I
started looking at

old documentaries
about autism,

we noticed that
almost all of the kids

were white,
and that's partly because

for a long time,
psychiatry believed

that autistic children
were only

born to parents
who were highly educated

and highly intelligent.

MOVIE NARRATOR:
His father is a specialist

in nuclear power plants.

JOHN: And the categories
of highly intelligent

and highly professional,

because of racist attitudes,

were seen to rule out
Black families.

MOVIE NARRATOR: His father is
a college graduate

and a self-employed businessman.

JOHN:
So for autistic children

who were Black,

getting an autism diagnosis,

was much more challenging
than for white kids.

And, in fact, it still is.

STEPHANIE PARKS: For me
it looks a little dead obvious,

like, well, of course
a Black child couldn't have it

because our ideas
tied to autism are always,

"Oh the savant,
the genius, the card-counter."

And when,
in the United States, we...

you know, really
stereotype Black people as

being less than,
less intelligent, less capable.

If you have a diagnosis
that surrounds intelligence

and high intelligence, right,

of course, our children are
precluded from the diagnosis.

That's pretty obvious.

Come on, you wanna
make this light or no?

Go, go, go,
come on, come on.

- Come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on...
- Go, go, go.

(voiceover):
My academic work

stems directly
from my own experience

being a mother
of a child with autism.

I used to sit

in our clinic
during my son's therapies,

and wonder why we were one

of the only
Black families there.

And that started a question

that necessitated
answers for me,

and that meant taking
my degree all the way to UCLA

to get a PhD, to answer it.

He was happy in my stomach,
he was happy once he showed up.

He didn't cry when he was born,

he just snuggled right in

and got on with business.

And he smiled,

and he was
the happiest, fattest,

most beautiful
chocolate baby.

- Yeah.
- Um...

- Peanut butter chocolate.

- Okay, listen.

There is Coke over there,

there's water bottles...

CAREN:
I got to know Stephanie Parks

through her research.
- Mom will help with Coke...

CAREN (voiceover):
She's studying how

children of color
are diagnosed with autism.

STEPHANIE:
For families,

we find a lot--
especially Black families--

a lot of our problem
with autism

exists in the systems

and the people
that we come up against.

- Dell Parks! Look who I found!

- Miss Laura!
Go get her.

Miss Laura!

What's up!
- Hey, high five.

How you doing?
- Good.

STEPHANIE:
I couldn't get access

to a diagnosis.

I knew to the core of my soul

that he had autism.

We had a three-year-old that

was still in diapers,

was completely un-potty trained,

completely nonverbal,
tantruming for hours on end.

We had all kinds of markers.

He was lining up toys in
absolute grids across our floor.

He was flapping,
he was toe-walking.

I mean we had
every red flag possible.

And we still couldn't manage
to get a diagnosis.

We went to
the pediatrician several times,

and we got the same type of
response that most families get,

especially Black families,

which is our boys are...

"They're a little slow,

"he's slower
than other kids maybe,"

you know,
"He'll catch up."

And actually the pediatrician

was my personal pediatrician
when I was growing up.

I mean,

she's warm and lovely, and...

- Mm-hmm, yep.
- All the things you would

want in a pediatrician.

- Yes.
- Like really exceptional human.

That's just how baked-in

racism is into the system,

that it's uncontrollable,
even from...

people that
we really love and trust.

♪ ♪

VALERIE: This doesn't mean that
there are fewer

African-American and
Hispanic children with autism,

let alone adults.
(chuckles)

But it does perhaps indicate

that there are large numbers
of people in the population

who are being misdiagnosed
with other conditions

or not diagnosed at all.

When I began my research,

I was thoroughly shocked
by how racism worked

in clinical spaces.

- Making a pizza!
- Yes! You got it!

STEPHANIE:
I have spent time watching

clinicians diagnose kids with
autism.

In one particular situation,

I was watching a clinic
in a major metropolitan area.

And one of the Black parents

was asked about
disciplinary practices.

And to which she
used the word "whuppin'."

She explained to the clinician

how her child was doing
things that had scared her,

like climbing into
high places and running off,

and like if he did that,
he would get a whuppin'

so he would understand
not to do them again.

And the clinicians
became very concerned,

and they wanted to call
Child Protective Services.

But the next appointment,

we had a white family come in,

and the child expressed
having been hit by their parents

in response to being naughty.

And the clinicians
didn't have

the same response to
the mother in that situation.

In the situation
of the white family,

the clinicians framed her as
being emotionally unavailable

and needed help with resources,
such as respite care,

you know, somebody to
come in and give her a break

and take care of the child
while mom caught a break

and refreshed herself.

And white clinicians
looking at a Black mother

using the word "whuppin'"

necessitates a call to
Child Protective Services,

but a white child expressing
having been spanked does not.

The framework for doing the
autism diagnostic test itself

is based on how white people

understand behavior and
language.

And being self-reflexive,

I know the things that
I'm saying are hard to hear,

they're hard to say,
they're scary for me too.

I take my kid to these clinics.

And I genuinely appreciate,
love,

and respect the clinicians.

But we have
to be extremely careful,

because racism is so quiet,

and so insidious,

that we have to be capable
of talking about that,

and being very, very real about
the fact that it's happening

and we're having
these ideas about people

who are not like us.

Whoa!

It's rough.
JOHN: How vulnerable

is he out there in the world?

STEPHANIE: Incredibly.

WENDELL:
In general, you know,

he still faces
the same challenges

as any other Black male.

STEPHANIE:
In my research study,

every Black family
that I've met with

has asked a similar question:
"How do we keep

"our children safe?

"How do we fix this situation

so that our children won't die?"

That is something
really to think about,

is that Black parents
of kids like Dell,

kids with autism,

we can do everything
in the world.

We can do all the therapy,

we can have
the most brilliant child,

we can do all the right things,

but I can't keep my son safe.

And that is,
I think, one of the things

that just absolutely
scares the hell out of us.

(phone dialing out)

CAREN (on phone):
Hey, baby.

MICKEY (on phone): Hello, Mom.

CAREN: So, are you working?

Where are you working today?

MICKEY: I'm working
at the senior center.

CAREN: Oh, cool.

- For those
who are shy of being filmed,

you can just turn your faces
away from the camera,

so that way
you'll be participating.

CAREN:
Mickey had this great job

volunteering at a senior center,

calling Bingo.

He's had a lot
of jobs over the years,

both volunteer
and even paid jobs,

but he really loved this one

because it kind of
played to his strengths.

- B 14.

B catorce.

That's the letters

in Abner Doubleday's name,
14 letters.

O 65.
O sesenta y cinco.

Five baker's dozens.

O 69.

O sesenta y nueve.

Kids, don't think of
that number.

(laughter)

CAREN: But like many people with
autism,

Mickey has
a lot of sensory issues

that can really put
him into emotional overload.

Crying is one of
those things for him.

So when he was working at
the senior center,

some of the older residents

with dementia would cry.

It completely derailed him.

WOMAN: This is Lila.

CAREN: So even a job
that he really enjoyed,

he couldn't manage.

MICKEY: Here today,
dead tomorrows.

CAREN: That's happened
a bunch of times now.

So look at
that programming block.

Yep, there you go.

- ... on the right one.
- Yeah, there you go.

You got it.
- Change.

- You got it.

CAREN: He's been successful
in employment training programs,

and has the skills
to do the work,

but he still really struggles
with so many intangibles.

MICKEY: Got it.

PETE: I tend to think

employment is more than about...

what you actually do

as the production part
of your job.

The following items:

color sensor,
ultrasonic sensor...

PETE:
Working as part of a team,

getting along with others,

like, using the bathroom there

and not making a mess,

like buying your lunch
at the cafeteria,

not talking
about things that people

don't want to talk about.

- I like Pokémon.
- You do?

PETE:
Those are what make or break

a job.

CAREN:
This isn't just a Mickey thing.

It's a lot
of really capable people

who are being overlooked.

I think the challenge
are all those soft skills

that go around employment.

And those are all sort of
bidirectional skills,

so that's why I always say,

it's almost always the,
the other end of the equation,

the typical
people he works with,

that are gonna need
as much training

as Mickey does.

COMPUTER: Error.
(buzzing)

Error.
(buzzing)

The last time I had
like another traditional job

was this summer.

I worked at an autism school,

watching autistic kids.

But, like, I didn't engage
with the kids very well.

And I needed, like,
really frequent breaks

because of, like,
the sensory stuff.

And I would
get overwhelmed, so...

Yeah, I got fired.
(chuckles)

I've gotten fired a lot.

Yeah, so.

♪ ♪

CAREN:
Donald had a job.

He had a job for life.

See you Monday, Gail.

CAREN: That bank
he visits every afternoon?

- See you Monday, Jessica.

CAREN: He worked there.
- J.P.

CAREN: And it was like

a second home to him.

- All right, Jennester.

- See you later, darling.
- All right.

CAREN:
It's a place where

a whole new generation of people
got connected to him.

- See you later, big Debbie.

♪ ♪

WOMAN: He was a teller,
in his early years.

And then he worked in
bookkeeping,

he would stuff statements.

CAREN:
The fact is that

Donald's family owned the bank,

and that made a huge difference.

It meant everyone was committed

to his success,

and whenever
a new manager came in,

a member of the family
would ensure that.

GENE WALKER:
Bill McCravey,

who would have been Don's uncle.

That would be
Don's mother's brother.

Early on, he kind of
explained Don's situation,

and he made the statement to me,

"Gene,
I always will appreciate you

if you'll have a place for Don."

And, you know, I always did.

He was given the opportunity
to make mistakes,

and then try something else
until there was the right fit.

And, in society,
you don't get to do that.

So Donald was afforded
the chance to be successful,

and he was successful.

♪ ♪

And that would be

perfect for everyone
on the spectrum,

but there just aren't
enough situations like that.

At least not yet.

♪ ♪

I'm excited for
Mom and Molly to come.

Where could they be?

Are they far or near?

That's them.

False alarm.

There they are.

And that's them!

Mom and Molly.

♪ ♪

MOLLY: Hi!
- Hello, Mols.

- Hi!
- Hello.

- How are you?
- I'm fine.

- Hey Mickey!
- Hello.

- Hi, honey.
- Hello.

- How are you?

- Fine.
- Mickey, you look...

What is that?
Where's the beard?

- So-- so, maybe-- so I was
trying to look forward

to go into Saheed's.
- Okay.

- That's the name of the barber.
- That's the barber.

CAREN:
Who's graduating today?

MICKEY: I am.

- That's not right.

MOLLY: Sara or Zara?

- I'll surprise you.

- This is his new
jacket that he bought.

- It looks like...
- At least, it looks like one.

- Mickey,
there's a hanger on it.

(laughing): Mickey!
- Mickey!

(rustling, crinkling)

- Lolli, lollipop,

from Zara.
- (chuckling)

I love this wrap.

I'm a cat.

Meow, check me-owt.
I'm a cat.

Meow, check me-owt.

Just know
that there's gonna be

a lot of people here, right?

CAREN: Mickey was
taking life skill classes

at the local community college

with students from
his First Place program.

MAN: Any other questions?

CAREN:
And they were invited

to be part of
the spring commencement.

WOMAN:
Today is the big day, guys.

("Pomp and Circumstance"
playing)

♪ ♪

CAREN:
We were really looking forward

to Mickey's graduation.

He really worked so hard
to get there.

♪ ♪

I was so proud of him.

MICKEY:
Too many people.

I felt a little bit overwhelmed.

When is it gonna end,
this graduation ceremony?

CAREN:
Graduation day was

incredibly painful for Mickey.

(applause, "Pomp
and Circumstance" continues)

MAN: Michael Goodrich
McGuinness.

(applause)

CAREN: You know,
it was really hard

to watch him struggle so much.

MICKEY:
I can't sit there anymore.

- What's wrong?
- My head is hurting.

- Your head is hurting?
- Yes.

- Can you just
not sit there anymore?

- I can't sit there anymore.

- Well, it's almost over, right?
- Yes, yes.

(applause)
- You don't look very happy.

- Because I was-- I was
overwhelmed.

- All right,
but now you're okay?

- A little bit.

(loud cheering)

- So, see if you can
stick it out,

because at the end
you get to throw up your hat.

- Yeah.
- Can you try?

- I don't know.
(cheering)

- What?
- I don't know.

- Try.

I'm here if you need me.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

(applause)

MAN: Let me show you
the program.

See where we're at?
- Yes.

- We're right here.
- That's all it gets.

I don't wanna wear
a stupid gown anyways.

- MOLLY: Mickey,
Mickey, come on.

It's almost time.

(cheers and applause)

- I'm choosing not to
wear a stupid gown anyways.

(announcer speaking)

(cheers and applause)

- What don't you
like about graduation?

- It's too long.
- Too long, what else?

Maybe...

too what?
Too many what?

- Too many people.
- Too many people.

- So if I-- so if
there's another graduation,

I won't attend it.
- Yeah.

- I didn't want to
wear a silly cap and gown.

- Well, I have a graduation in
May.

Maybe you'll come or no?

- So maybe try not to.

- You'll try not to come, okay.
- Yeah.

- That's okay with me.

Can I send you a picture
of me in my cap and gown?

CAREN:
You know, I really didn't know

what was the right thing to do.

I could have just let it go,

but I thought
it was really important.

(on-screen): You did great.
- Yes.

- You stuck it out.
- Yes.

- Okay?
- Yes.

- I'm proud of you.
- Yes.

- All right?
- Yes.

- I love you.
- Love you.

CAREN:
Like any other parent,

I wanted him to know that
he could get through things

that are hard to get through.

But as Mickey always does,
he teaches me

what's important to him.

(on-screen):
What'd you do with your...

your gown?
- I threw it out.

CAREN: And graduations just
don't have meaning for him.

He doesn't need
that external validation.

MICKEY:
Let's get ice cream first.

CAREN: Okay,
we'll get ice cream.

♪ ♪

MARTHA: Well, there we are,

seniors of '53.

JOBYNA: There you are.

This is Martha, that's me.

- Oh yeah, let's see.

"Don, you have much ability,

and in the past
you have put it to good use."

Mine has like,
"To a wonderful classmate,

all the luck in the world
to you."

That's what I wrote.

But I can't
read the rest of it...

- (laughs)
- Because it's faded.

- Now that's Donald Gray.

I just love this--

"I wish myself luck."

(laughs)
- Yeah.

Isn't that good?

- That's what
Don wrote to himself.

- "I wish myself..."

- "I wish myself luck. D.G."

- (laughing):
I just adore that.

CAREN:
Donald really did get lucky.

For a lot of
people on the spectrum,

school is the most
painful time for friendship.

I was just different, and...

they just didn't understand
that.

I was beat up,

people said mean things to me.

I think that there is
a specialness to

the bullying that children on

the autism spectrum experience,
because we don't always

know that we're being bullied.

CAREN: Amy Gravino is this
really cool person,

and she speaks
honestly and openly

about her experience
as a woman with autism.

And I decided that
he was the one

I was gonna
lose my virginity to...

CAREN:
And she's known best for

her talks on sex and autism.

And I thought,
well, you know,

when you stay in a hotel,

or you eat at a restaurant,
sometimes they have

these cards you can fill out

to say what
your experience was like...

CAREN: And she tells
this one really funny story

about what she did the morning
after she lost her virginity.

So I created a sexual
intercourse comment card.

(group laughs)

And...

(laughter continues)

These were
the questions on the back,

so it's a little
hard to read all of them.

So, "What did you enjoy most
about this sex session?

"What did you think
could have been better?

"What happened that you would
like to have happen again?

"Please rate the following
from one to five:

the outfit I had on,
my facial expression..."

(voiceover):
If you were to

look at photographs of me
growing up,

you would, for a while,

you'd see
a very happy little girl.

You'd see a girl with

out of control curly hair,
and then a girl

who gradually,
by the time she was

around 12, 13,
stopped smiling.

Even though I was
diagnosed at the age of 11,

the word autism didn't really
mean anything at that point.

I only knew that I was different
and that different was bad.

That was the response
that I received from my peers.

"You're weird, you're a freak,
you're a retard,

you're a loser, you're ugly."

These were the things
that I heard on a daily basis.

And what ended up happening
was that the voices of my peers

became the voice in my own head.

But all of the--
all of my feelings

about myself at that point

were things that I didn't like.

I couldn't...

(sniffles)

I couldn't point out
things that I did like.

And there wasn't
a whole person there.

And...

And I wanted to die,

because I couldn't
think of another way out.

My mother says that I came
home from school one day,

took off my backpack,

and said,
"I feel like killing myself."

♪ ♪

It was so bad that, you know,

I would come home from school
every day crying.

Yeah, I mean,
I kind of block it out.

♪ ♪

GRAVINO:
I remember the people

who stood up for me.

(on-screen, laughing):
Here, hey! Down here!

Stand up for someone who
can't stand up for themselves.

You know, lift them,

instead of
putting them under your foot.

So you may think that,
like, what you're saying

may not make a difference,
in... to this person,

but believe me it makes
all the difference in the world,

and they will
carry that with them

for the rest of their lives.

Hi guys, my name is Benny,
and this is my friend Jensen.

So we will be doing
a prank on Jensen today.

CAREN:
Benny and Jensen

showed me an example of
friendship the way it can be.

One of them is on the spectrum,
the other isn't.

- Now you're stuck.

(both laughing)

- That's how you do
the water bottle prank.

Let's do it again.
(splashing)

Go.

DANNY:
Benny and Jensen met

really early on in
the pre-school.

- (laughing): Wow! Wow!

We don't separate
kids with autism

from typically developing kids.

They're fully and intentionally
integrated together.

(kids singing indistinctly)

Most bikes have one seat,

right?

But if you have
a bike with two seats,

you actually
create opportunities there,

to facilitate that interaction.

And that's
not an accident, right?

Our lunch boxes are
already put out on the table,

so kids find
their lunchbox and sit down.

What that allows us to do

is make sure
that every child with autism has

a typically developing child
on each side of them.

Here comes Sam.

(voiceover):
So it becomes more about

the activity

than it does about who does
and doesn't have autism.

(kids playing)

We're not looking for
typically developing kids

to charitably
be nice to our kids.

We want them to see

the value that kids with autism

bring to the relationship.

And that's what's
really special about

Benny and Jensen.

They've been graduated
from our school for two years,

but have remained friends.

Benny's mom found

this letter in her
son's backpack

and came in
and shared it with me.

And it's kind of
an "I'm thankful" letter.

So it says, "Dear blank,"

and he fills in Jensen,
so "Dear Jensen."

And it says, "I am thankful
for you because

when I was feeling..."

and he filled in the word
"scared,"

"You made me feel unscared

"by playing
with me at your birthday.

"Thank you for
always being my best friend

"forever and ever and ever.

From, your friend Benny."

And what's so cool about that

is you'd almost think
this is the kind of letter

coming from the kid with autism

to the typically developing kid.

But this letter is coming from
the typically developing kid

to the child with autism.

And it's been a really impactful
relationship for both boys.

Those skills
are there for both of them,

and once the skills are there,

and they keep
interacting with autism

over the course of their life,

I think
they become the ambassadors

that we want to help build
a very supportive community

for people with autism.
- Thanks for sharing!

- See you all tonight maybe.

- All right.
Have a good afternoon.

- All right.

DANNY: You know,
even to go back to Donald,

they practice
interacting with Donald

on a regular, routine basis.

That's why they have
a supportive community there,

because they constantly
had the opportunity

to interact
with somebody with autism.

And we have to do the same
thing with the communities

that we're working in
across the world.

We have to repeatedly
get people with autism

out into our community,
so that we have lots of exposure

and opportunity to learn from

and interact
with people with autism.

That's what's
gonna make the difference.

CAREN:
When Mickey was growing up,

he didn't have many friends,

even though there were always
people who were nice to him.

- So, what
do you think of Scrabble?

CAREN:
But the kind of friend who...

- Should we play it
when we get back?

CAREN: ...who just
wants to be around you

because of who you are...

- Are you there?
- Yeah.

- Should we play Scrabble
when we get back?

CAREN: ...that was a rarity.

But in the last few years,

Mickey has made
those kinds of friendships.

- Good one.

CAREN: His friend Matt,
he only speaks about 90 words.

But Mickey, Mickey
more than makes up for that,

and they've
become really close friends.

They have a real connection.

And they play Scrabble
all the time,

and Matt orchestrates
all of his answers

so that every game
will end in a tie.

- Thank you. I thought that
wasn't in the dictionary.

CAREN:
Mickey really likes to win,

but he also cheers for Matt.
- Good one.

CAREN: In some ways, it's Mickey
who has to go more than halfway.

Of course there's
one kind of relationship

that is way more complicated, no
matter who you are.

She likes cats like me.

- She likes cats?

Oh, that's perfect,
does she own a cat?

- She likes to do
impressions of cats.

- Oh so she meows for you?
- Yes.

- And do you purr?
- I purr.

- You purr when she meows?
- Yes.

- Do you have a crush on her?
- I do, meow.

- Oh, see, I can tell you like
her because you meowed after.

- Yes.

- Do you want her to be
your girlfriend?

- I want her to be
my girlfriend.

- Yeah. Maybe we could
come up with a few ways

to try to get her
to be your girlfriend?

- Yeah.
Just three roses please.

- He wants to get three roses
for a special friend of his.

- Okay.

- I think that's a good choice,

I think she'll like 'em.
- Yes.

- Do you wanna get her
a card too?

- Okay.
- I think we should.

So which one should we get her?
- This one.

- Well, do you wanna
look at them first?

What does that say?
"Happy anniversary"?

Well, it's not your anniversary,
is it?

- "It's a girl!"

- Nope, she's not having a baby.

- "Thinking of you."

- "Thinking of you,"
I like that one.

All right we'll get that one.
- Yes.

- All right?
- Yeah, thank you.

- Do you think she'll like them?

- ♪ She'll love them. ♪

CAREN:
And I don't know if this crush

will ever turn into anything.

But, as his mom,
I, I hope he finds somebody.

♪ ♪

It's really such a simple thing.

Not charity, but real
friendship.

(laughter)

My friend Peter Gerhardt,

who works
with people with autism...

- What's up, A.J.!?

CAREN: ...shared his really
lovely take on how much

we get back in return.

He said, "If you want to truly
understand human emotion,

"you should hang out
with someone on the spectrum.

"If someone with autism
is happy,

"there is no hiding
they're happy.

"If someone with autism is sad,

"there's no
disguising their sadness.

"If someone
with autism likes you,

"then they just like you,

"with no other agenda.

It is one of the most beautiful
things about autism."

♪ ♪

Do you know
how old Donald is, Mickey?

MICKEY: How old is he?

- He's 84 years old.
- 84?

- Yeah.
- He's old.

- He's old.

The 84th element on
the periodic table is Polonium.

Why are we talking
about the periodic tables?

- Since he's 84.
- Ah!

So what do you think
you'll say...

what are you gonna say
to Donald?

(phone ringing)

Who's that?
- It's Donald!

- Oh! Answer it.

- Hello.
- Put it on speaker.

DONALD (on phone): Hi Caren.
How are you doing?

- Hi Donald.

DONALD (stammering):
Are you having trouble

finding this place?

- Yeah,
we're almost there, I think.

♪ ♪

So while I wanted Mickey
to meet Donald,

because Donald really is
a part of history...

Donald! Hey!

Hey, how are you doing?

- I'm good. I want you to meet--

- Hey Mickey!
- What's up?

CAREN (voiceover):
...I wasn't expecting anything

dramatic to happen
when they finally did meet.

I know Mickey.

And even though in general
he's pretty chatty,

he can easily get shy
when he meets new people,

and their meeting was awkward,
which didn't really surprise me.

(onscreen): So I've been
wanting you guys

to meet forever.
- Yeah. Uh-uh.

- You two finally meet.
- I love it.

- Tell him what you like to do.

- I like Disney.

- (stammering):
Yeah I go to a few museums.

- And I also love "Inside Out,"
the movie.

- Oh yes, I like the beach.

CAREN: I really
appreciated how Donald,

who is usually quite reserved,

did a really lovely thing.

He invited Mickey
to spend time with him,

doing what he loves to do.

♪ ♪

But golf just
isn't Mickey's thing.

- Hydrogen, helium,
lithium, beryllium, boron...

- You can use both hands.

CAREN: And they still
weren't connecting.

Barium...
(Mickey reciting elements)

But then something happened,
when Donald had Mickey over

to watch "Wheel of Fortune."

They both love that show.

And they're both
really good at it.

MICKEY: Reporter for...

BOTH:
...the student's newspaper.

- Right. Reporter for
the student newspaper.

CONTESTANT (on TV): Reporter
for the student newspaper.

- Got it!

CAREN: And that was where
I saw them

really start to connect.

It was really something,

to see these two men
with autism,

from such different worlds.

- Thanks for getting my contact.

And, if you call me,
I'll see your number.

♪ ♪

We did it.

- Mickey,
I've enjoyed it very much.

- Bye.
- Caren, I enjoyed it very much.

- I'll take a hug.
- Yeah, okay.

- Thank you so much, D.T.

- You're certainly welcome.

All right, C.Z.
(Caren chuckles)

- I'll see you next time.

- All right, we'll see ya!

CAREN (voiceover): I don't
really know

how much it meant to Mickey
in the moment,

but I'm pretty sure
he doesn't see the hope

in Donald's story
the way that I see it,

how a community can learn
to do right

by someone who is different.

(engine starts)

I know Donald's remarkable life

is mostly
because of who Donald is,

but I'm not 100% sure,
that without the support,

and encouragement and acceptance
and kindness of Forest,

that Donald would be who
Donald is today.

Donald Triplett is a happy man.

♪ ♪

Here's the funny thing
that's really true.

Mickey is a happy man too.

- Got it.

CAREN: He is a really
happy person,

he's full of love and laughter,

and he isn't touched by
some of the struggles that,

you know, others have to
live with.

And he's safe right now.

But my worry is when he gets
outside the door of my home,

where Donald has found a way
to be a happy man

in his community,
and throughout his life

and in his travels...

(in-person): All toasty, toasty?
- Yeah.

- Yeah? Okay?
♪ ♪

You know, I still have hope
that Mickey will have that,

but I haven't found that yet,
in the world, for him.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Matt, you wanna say
anything else?

You can say anything, go ahead.

- Run errands.

- All right. So Matt wants us
to know what his schedule is,

and what's next on the schedule,
which is of

primary importance to him
for today.

(Matt chuckles)

♪ ♪

- I mean, I've always been

proud to say that I have autism

because we have so much more
to bring to the table.

Got people who like play music
and they may be on the spectrum.

Got people
who might be like good doctors,

good baseball players,

we have something to
contribute to society,

if you give us a chance.

♪ ♪

- It's kinda like a
zebra's stripes,

no two people with autism
are exactly the same.

There are a bunch
of moving parts to this,

I mean, autism is just
one of them,

it's not all of who I am,

I'm more than that,
I'm Noah, I have...

I have my hopes,
I have my dreams,

I have my fears, I have my
feelings just like anyone else.

♪ ♪

- We autistic people
have struggles,

um, but we have to adjust
for others,

but um... I feel like society

has to make accommodations
for us as well.

As much as
people should accommodate

for people on the spectrum,

we as self-advocates
should also acknowledge

that we need
to make some adjustments

for the other side as well,
and I think once both sides

starts to make that,
make that leap,

that's where
the real progress happens.

♪ ♪

- What would you like
people to know about you?

How about,
even though I don't talk,

there's a lot
going on inside, right?

Just because you're not verbal
doesn't mean that you're not

a thinking, intelligent,
bright human being.

That's what
I think she would say.

What do you think, Mol?
- Mm-hm.

♪ ♪

When you call
someone low functioning,

it dismisses their strengths.

When you call
someone high functioning,

it dismisses their struggles.

We sometimes go out to the mall
and sometimes we do karaoke.

♪ Start spreading the news ♪

♪ I'm leaving today. ♪

Everybody
should know about autism.

'Cause they have
to learn a lot more.

They have to learn much better.

They have to
learn about tolerance.

I want my family and friends
to see the goodness in me.

Because my dream
is to see the goodness

in all my family and friends.

You know,
I'm not that little boy

that used to flap his hands
or bang his head on the floor.

You know, I have changed
drastically through life,

and now I see myself
as a better person

that can help others
with autism.

And now, let's talk about
something different, shall we?

CAREN: Sure, what would you
like to talk about?

We can talk about, uh...

Heaven?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪