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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:06,707
* MTV ♪
2
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,876
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,879
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:19,087
♪ ♪
5
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:26,894
[both chuckling]
[metal clanging]
6
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,130
Yeah, yeah. Uh! Yeah.
7
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,199
Yeah, yeah, lockers are loud. Yeah.
8
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,534
[both chuckling]
Yeah.
9
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:36,937
Whoa, Beavis,
Check out that guy. [chuckles]
10
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,374
He's, like, sad.
11
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,809
[both chuckling]
12
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,677
Aww.
[chuckles]
13
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,380
Tristan, are you okay?
14
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,848
Whatever.
15
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,418
Things are just so...
16
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,919
you know--
17
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,987
I do.
[sighs]
18
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,257
- Whoa.
- Look at that.
19
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,393
She is going to town on him.
[chuckles]
20
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,430
Yeah, take it easy.
[chuckles]
21
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,065
What's she doing that for?
[chuckles]
22
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,535
Uhh, I think maybe
chicks like guys
23
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,271
who have, like,
emotions and stuff.
24
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,606
- [chuckles]
- I have emotions.
25
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,243
Like, when I eat french fries,
I have the emotion of, like,
26
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:18,646
um, these french fries
taste really good, you know.
27
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:22,683
Uhh, I think they have to be,
like, sad emotions.
28
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,053
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's how they get you.
29
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,988
Always something.
[chuckles]
30
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,457
Wait a second, Beavis.
31
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:32,360
We should, like,
start being all sad.
32
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,296
Then chicks will like us
and then we'll score.
33
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,365
Yeah, that's a great idea,
Butt-Head!
34
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,900
Yes! I think we're finally
gonna score--
35
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,402
Ah!
36
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:44,071
Quit being happy, dumbass.
You're gonna ruin it.
37
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,539
Ohh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:49,177
Sorry about that.
Won't happen again. [chuckles]
39
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:53,214
And this kind of cell
division is called mitosis.
40
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,683
Are there any questions?
41
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,984
Butt-Head.
42
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,419
Uhh--
43
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,488
I just wanna say
that, like,
44
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:05,426
what happened to that cell was,
like, devadstating and stuff.
45
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:08,362
And I'm also deverstated,
and, um,
46
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:11,365
I'm feeling emotions
that are very sad.
47
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,100
Yeah. [chuckles]
48
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,370
- Yeah, check it out.
- Yeah, me too. [chuckles]
49
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,707
My soul is, like,
full of rain and stuff.
50
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,042
Oh, my. Hmm.
51
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,477
It sounds like the two of you
52
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,946
may be struggling
with depression.
53
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,749
No, no, no. We're just
really sad all the time.
54
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,351
Very sad, yeah. [chuckles]
55
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,686
Uhh--
Hey, baby.
56
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,688
I, like, cry a lot.
57
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,090
You know what I'm saying?
58
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,227
Maybe a hug?
[chuckles]
59
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,062
Okay, I'm going to make sure
60
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:45,533
that you boys
get the help you need, mm-kay?
61
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,702
These feelings of
"everything sucks,"
62
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,070
how long have you had them?
63
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:54,375
Uhh, since everything
started to suck, I guess.
64
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,310
Yeah, sorry, I couldn't
hear you because, um,
65
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,480
I was so busy frowning,
you know. [chuckles]
66
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,349
'Cause I'm sad.
67
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,684
Feelings of hopelessness.
68
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,320
Have you been sleeping
more or less than usual?
69
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:09,457
Uhh, I'm usually
up all night, like,
70
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,892
wiping away tears
[chuckles]
71
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,327
of sadness.
72
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,095
Umm, yeah, yeah.
Me too, yeah.
73
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,598
I feel sad all night long.
74
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,067
You know what I'm sayin'?
[chuckles]
75
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,736
Boi-oi-oi-oing.
76
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,773
And have you engaged
in any forms of self-harm?
77
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,040
Oh, yeah, yeah.
78
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,109
Yeah, I self-harm
all the time, you know.
79
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,412
Over in Anderson's shed,
you know.
80
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,381
I use hand lotion.
[chuckles]
81
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,448
Oh, no.
82
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:35,916
Oh, no, no.
It's no big deal.
83
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,051
If I hear him coming,
I can usually pull my pants up
84
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,987
before he gets there,
you know.
85
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,490
He's kinda slow.
[both chuckling]
86
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,091
I need to make a phone call.
87
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,294
You two need more help
than I can give.
88
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,661
[phone line trilling]
89
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,898
Whoa. I think she's
calling in more chicks.
90
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,266
Eh, she's just not
woman enough
91
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,767
to score with both of us,
I guess.
92
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,168
[both chuckling]
93
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,306
Sadness kicks ass.
[chuckles]
94
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,012
[both chuckling]
95
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,650
Um, Butt-Head,
96
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,286
I thought they were taking us
to score with a bunch of chicks
97
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,455
We're, like, in a hospital
or something.
98
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:17,625
They said they're putting us
under observation.
99
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,660
We're already getting noticed, Beavis.
100
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,228
Our plan is working.
101
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,030
Oh, yeah, yeah.
102
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,399
Yeah, maybe they want to
observe our schlongs.
103
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,867
[chuckles]
104
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,838
Uhh, whoa.
What's that thing?
105
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,273
That's the electroshock
therapy machine.
106
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,176
It stimulates the brain
with electric pulses.
107
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:40,113
- Uhh, stimulate?
- Yeah.
108
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,382
[both chuckling]
109
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,983
But you don't need
to worry about that.
110
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,786
We only use it as a last resort
for the most extreme cases.
111
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:46,954
Yeah, we don't need that.
112
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,622
We're gonna stimulate
the natural way.
113
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,524
[chuckles] Yeah.
114
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,259
Now let's get you
to your therapy.
115
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,795
Yeah.
[both chuckling]
116
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,831
All right, guys,
let's give a warm welcome
117
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:01,702
to our two newcomers,
Beavis and Butt-Head.
118
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,672
- Did I pronounce those right?
- Uhh,
119
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,540
we're, like, sad
120
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,642
and we're ready to score.
[chuckles]
121
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,043
You guys all look
pretty sad, too,
122
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,746
so, um, when do we
start scoring? [chuckles]
123
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,115
Oh, we don't
keep score here, guys.
124
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,183
We're here to talk
125
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,152
and to listen
and to share.
126
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,154
So let's begin.
127
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,090
Everyone hold hands.
128
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,061
Uhh, what?
129
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,262
Come on.
130
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:31,832
Uhh--
131
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,634
Hold hands, guys.
132
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,070
It's okay if you two
aren't ready to participate.
133
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,772
No, no, we wanna participate. Yeah.
134
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,808
That's the only reason
we're even here.
135
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,610
Well, if you wanna participate,
136
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,745
then you have to hold hands.
137
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,551
Close, Butt-Head.
138
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,386
Try the hand.
139
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,154
Really?
[chuckles]
140
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,589
Mm-hmm.
141
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,792
Ehh, whatever it takes
to score, I guess. [chuckles]
142
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:02,630
- Okay. [chuckles]
- Ehh, all right.
143
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,997
- [groans]
- [retches]
144
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,667
Super.
The purpose of this exercise
145
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,437
- is to show that--
- Uhh, this sucks.
146
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,904
This really sucks, Butt-Head.
147
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,306
Now I really am sad.
148
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,608
Yeah, yeah, me too.
149
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,044
Uhh, wait a second.
150
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,246
Remember that machine
that guy showed us?
151
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,581
Ohh, yeah, yeah.
152
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:23,150
Yeah, the extreme stimulator machine.
153
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,785
Yeah. [chuckles]
154
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,020
Let's go use that thing.
155
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,989
Yeah, I'd rather fake score
with a machine
156
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,991
than hold hands
with a real dude.
157
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,026
Yeah, really.
[both chuckle]
158
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,828
I'm concerned about
these two new patients,
159
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,263
Bailey and Beckham.
160
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,465
They seem very depressed.
161
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,733
- [both chuckling]
- The constant laughter
162
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,436
is clearly covering up
a deep pain.
163
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:47,040
Uhh, well,
it's not the kind of scoring
164
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,342
I thought I was gonna get,
but it's better than nothing.
165
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,744
[chuckles]
166
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,181
These must go here.
[chuckles]
167
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,415
[clicks power button]
[machine whirring]
168
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,851
Okay, Beavis,
turn that knob thing.
169
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,721
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, cool. [chuckles]
170
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,590
[high-pitched squealing]
171
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,324
On three.
172
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,126
Uh, one--
173
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,796
[electricity zapping]
Uhh! Ahh! Ahh!
174
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,900
[groaning]
175
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,134
[sighs]
[zapping stops]
176
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,837
- Uh.
- Whoa!
177
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,906
I think you scored. Yeah.
178
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,674
How was it?
[chuckles]
179
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,876
It hurt really bad.
180
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,945
And I think my nads
caught on fire.
181
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,914
- [chuckles]
- Cool!
182
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,616
My turn. Yeah.
[chuckles]
183
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,619
Scoring and fire. Yeah. Whoa.
184
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,821
I'll just put these in here.
185
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:37,324
One for you,
and one for you. [chuckles]
186
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,425
[electricity zapping]
187
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,795
[screaming]
188
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:46,767
[wailing]
189
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:53,907
Are you all right?
190
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,208
- Uhh--
- [coughs]
191
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,277
We're not that sad anymore.
192
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,747
We just need to rest.
[chuckles]
193
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,448
Ah, yeah,
I was really sad,
194
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,917
but now my schlong hurts,
so, you know,
195
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,419
I'm cheering up or something.
Yeah. [coughs]
196
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,455
Being sad sucks.
197
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:11,859
[rock music]
198
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,961
[glass shatters]
199
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,297
[dramatic music]
200
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,167
- Carlos, secrecy--
- Uhh, what is this show?
201
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,235
What are they doing here?
[chuckles]
202
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,204
It's that show
where people have, like,
203
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,706
a boyfriend or a girlfriend,
204
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,507
but they're afraid
to tell anyone.
205
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,542
[chuckles]
206
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,612
I needed help because...
207
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,714
I've had enough of your lies.
208
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,417
Because you told me
you were tall and good looking.
209
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,987
Spencer, who said--
210
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,655
And Spencer told me
that's not true.
211
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,024
- [both chuckling]
- Yeah.
212
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,026
'Cause he told me
you were fat and short
213
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,862
and had a bad beard
and were really sweaty.
214
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,363
[chuckles]
215
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,399
Is that true?
216
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,535
Who said that
you actually had a vasectomy.
217
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,470
♪ ♪
218
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,407
It was on stage,
but I know there's--
219
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,243
Ohh, wait a minute.
He had a vasectomy on stage?
220
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,678
[both chuckling]
221
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,948
And then they threw
tomatoes at him. [chuckles]
222
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,317
Yeah, it's tough in here,
I tell ya.
223
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,854
Who's seen your mother
sending you payments for rent.
224
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,089
Let's start with
the vasectomy joke.
225
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,491
It's a [bleep] joke.
226
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,961
I made a pun on vasectomies.
I thought that was hilarious.
227
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,696
He made a pun
on vasectomies?
228
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:26,299
[chuckles]
Uhh, how would you do that?
229
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,768
Yeah, I guess
you could say, um,
230
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,402
like, uh, um--
231
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,705
Oh, oh, I know!
Maybe it's like,
232
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,573
"Vasecto-me?
233
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,843
More like vasecto-you!"
Or--or something.
234
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,344
[chuckles]
235
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,681
He was probably like,
"Knock, knock. Who's there?
236
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,650
"Vasecta.
237
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,317
"Vasecta who?
238
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:48,055
"Uhh, vasecto-big fat guy
with sweaty armpits
239
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,291
and a bad beard."
[chuckles]
240
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,995
I host sex parties.
241
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,631
- [both chuckling]
- Yeah.
242
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,033
You have sex
with other people on stage?
243
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,002
- No, no.
- No, no, no,
244
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,872
I'm not that cool. [chuckles]
245
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,239
I can show you.
246
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,509
Basically,
we host these parties
247
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,713
where we sell sex toys.
248
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:16,016
Nipple clamps, dildoes.
249
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,318
He's like,
"Okay, okay.
250
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,920
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you
251
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,222
I'm the king of discount
butt plugs."
252
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,423
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
253
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,125
Yeah, gotta make
a living somehow.
254
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:28,461
My comedy sucks.
[chuckles]
255
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:31,665
And I'm unattractive.
[chuckles]
256
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,867
My parents know about this.
257
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,903
Here's a video right here.
258
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,738
Uh, I'm confused, Butt-Head.
259
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,539
So he's having sex parties
260
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,609
and selling nipple clamps
and butt plugs,
261
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,778
and that's why
he doesn't want her
262
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,046
to meet his parents?
263
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:48,181
[chuckles]
264
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,284
His parents are proud of him.
[chuckles]
265
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,621
He comes from a long line
of butt plug salesmen.
266
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,690
[chuckles]
267
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:59,292
Including my great-
great-great grandfather,
268
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:04,264
Alexander Buttploog.
[chuckles]
269
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,099
[with accent] He came over
from the old country.
270
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,901
[chuckles]
271
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,203
Old Buttploogia.
[chuckles]
272
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,905
Bad, bad boy.
[crowd laughing]
273
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,775
When he came here, he didn't
have a dildo in his pocket.
274
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,476
[chuckles]
275
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:19,980
Just a butt plug and a dream.
[both chuckling]
276
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,450
And it wasn't in his pocket.
[chuckles]
277
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,720
She's like,
"Can we just address
278
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,621
"the elephant
in the room here?
279
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,059
What's up with your
sweaty, disgusting armpits?"
280
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,660
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, yeah.
281
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,129
Yeah, you've been sneaking
around selling butt plugs
282
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,365
when you should be, like,
sneaking around
283
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,734
selling anti-perspirants
or something.
284
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,269
[chuckles]
285
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,204
For four years,
you've dodged me
286
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,206
meeting your parents,
meeting your friends,
287
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,407
going to half
your comedy shows.
288
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,942
'Cause they all know
about this stuff.
289
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,744
Okay, okay, but, um,
290
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,612
I still don't completely understand.
291
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,681
So, like, um--
so he's like,
292
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,449
"I don't want you
to meet my parents
293
00:11:56,516 --> 00:12:00,153
"until I tell you
that I sell butt plugs.
294
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,322
Then it'll be okay."
[chuckles]
295
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,057
His parents
were probably like,
296
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,759
"So you want us
to meet your girlfriend?
297
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,694
Well, how many butt plugs
did she buy?"
298
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:08,862
[both chuckle]
299
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,798
"Wait, none?
[chuckles]
300
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:14,101
"Well, then what's in her butt
right now? Nothing?
301
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,269
I don't wanna meet her.
Forget it. No."
302
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,239
Gonna have to figure out
a way to talk about this.
303
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,976
But I can't imagine
losing you.
304
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,278
[both chuckle]
305
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,415
- What?
- Yeah. I sure can.
306
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,483
And I'm hopeful
for you both.
307
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,120
Will you make me
the luckiest man in the world
308
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,222
and take my discount
butt plug?
309
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,391
[chuckles]
310
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,028
[chuckles]
You are one of us now.
311
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,529
We're not losing a son,
312
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,164
you're gaining a butt plug.
313
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,499
[chuckles]
314
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,468
It belonged to Carlos'
grandmother
315
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,303
until about ten minutes ago.
316
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,772
[chuckles]
But we want you to have it.
317
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,908
[both chuckling]
318
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,677
Yeah, yeah,
you might wanna wash it first.
319
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,247
And don't worry, that dog
won't poop in the house.
320
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,450
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, we've seen to that.
321
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,657
[rock music]
322
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,861
♪ ♪
323
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,629
[gentle music]
324
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,332
Are you there, God?
It's me, Beavis.
325
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,968
[chuckles]
326
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,036
I know you're busy, like,
killing terminators
327
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:26,006
and kicking Jesus' ass
and stuff,
328
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,741
but I've been noticing some
changes happening to my body,
329
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,844
and I don't know what to do.
330
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,081
It all started
a few days ago at school.
331
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,515
Mm-kay, class,
332
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:39,352
today we're talking about
the wonders of puberty.
333
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,222
[slide clicks]
Puberty is a funny word
334
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:46,894
for when your body gets serious
about growing and developing.
335
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,862
- [skunk growling]
- Whoa. [chuckles]
336
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,998
Check it out.
337
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,666
That cat's got whipped cream
on its mouth.
338
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,702
You should, like,
get us some, Beavis.
339
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:56,970
Yeah, yeah.
340
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,072
Yeah, whipped cream
kicks ass.
341
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,308
Here, kitty.
Nice kitty.
342
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,342
Hey, it likes me.
343
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,776
[screams]
[skunk growling]
344
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,345
[chuckles]
345
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:09,416
So it's important not to
compare yourself to others.
346
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,886
In fact, I myself
did not go through puberty
347
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,388
until I was--
[thud]
348
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,658
- That cat kicked your ass.
- [groaning] Ow!
349
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,327
[chuckles]
350
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:24,197
That's when I first noticed
my body was changing.
351
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:27,034
Mostly bleeding and stuff.
[chuckles]
352
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,036
[hip-hop music]
353
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:33,706
* I love the way ♪
354
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:37,744
Boy, their mechanic uniforms
are clean.
355
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,079
Yeah, they're usually
all covered
356
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,081
with, like, grease
and oil and stuff.
357
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:44,051
It's probably just because
they're not fixing any cars,
358
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:47,454
they're just, like,
doing it with girls.
359
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,589
Here at TT&T Auto,
360
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,058
we won't fix your car,
361
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:54,127
but we will have sex
with your women. [chuckles]
362
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:57,164
That's the TT&T guarantee. Yeah.
363
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,932
[both chuckling]
364
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,867
If we don't score
with your women,
365
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:03,336
your repair is free.
[chuckles]
366
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,072
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
367
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,906
Our satisfaction
is guaranteed.
368
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,741
[chuckles]
369
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:12,412
Uh, ma'am, the problem
with your motorcycle here
370
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,247
is there's not enough butt
on it.
371
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,983
Yeah, it seems to be
making a funny noise, like,
372
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:19,919
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
[chuckles]
373
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,622
Oh, wait.
No, that's just me.
374
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,890
Now, where was I?
375
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:28,295
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
[chuckles]
376
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,463
He's like,
"Uh, listen, ma'am,
377
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,133
"we're not gonna
get that part in for two weeks,
378
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,569
so maybe, uh,
I could get my part in."
379
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:40,773
[both chuckling]
380
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,342
That's really good,
Butt-Head.
381
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,244
Yeah, you know,
you're pretty smooth, you know.
382
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,480
It's, um--yeah, it's weird
that you never score.
383
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,149
[chuckles]
384
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,651
♪ ♪
385
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:55,022
I wanna get a job at a place
like this, you know.
386
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,956
If you got a job there,
387
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,259
you'd probably accidentally
repair the girl
388
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:03,163
and score with the car.
[chuckles]
389
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,198
Yeah, you know,
actually, um--
390
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,634
I actually did kinda
score with a car once.
391
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,136
[chuckles]
392
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,737
Uhh--
393
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,540
What?
[chuckles]
394
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,175
I didn't go all the way,
you know,
395
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,910
but I did get under the hood.
396
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,845
You know what I'm sayin'?
397
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,548
[chuckles]
398
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:22,915
Uhh--
399
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,152
I mean,
the car wasn't running.
400
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,320
I'm not, like, a pervert
or something, you know.
401
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,821
[chuckles]
402
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:31,558
It was, like, consensual,
you know. [chuckles]
403
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:34,027
It was a '92 Ford Festiva.
404
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,695
Uhh, Beavis,
405
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,798
I don't wanna ever hear about
any of this ever again.
406
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,600
[chuckles]
407
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,502
Okay, okay.
408
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:46,506
But it was a Festiva.
[chuckles]
409
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,941
[gentle music]
410
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,512
So, um, God, am I normal?
411
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,047
Today in gym class,
412
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,050
I noticed that my body doesn't
look like the other boys'.
413
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,585
I feel like everyone's
looking at me
414
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,388
because my body is, like,
different and stuff.
415
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,123
You know what that feels like?
416
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,657
Ahh! Ah!
417
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:07,094
It feels like my head hurts
and my skin is hot.
418
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,861
Also, water grosses me out,
419
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,263
and I wanna bite people.
420
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,764
Ahh!
421
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:14,434
Uhh, Beavis,
422
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,802
what are you doing?
423
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,337
Shut up, Butt-Head!
424
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,671
I'm normal!
425
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,308
Normal! Yeah.
426
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,710
Whoa. Son, you don't look
so good.
427
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,279
No! I'm normal!
428
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,014
Butt-Head, how about
you take Beavis
429
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,383
- to the school nurse?
- Uhh--
430
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,718
No. [chuckles]
431
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,820
Everyone leave me alone!
432
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,054
Stop looking at me!
433
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,824
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
434
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,493
[grunting, chuckling]
435
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,794
Ahh! Ah!
436
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,398
[chuckles]
That was cool.
437
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,072
I don't know what's happening
to me, God.
438
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,742
I just wanna be
like everyone else, you know?
439
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,546
I look in the mirror, and
my body looks so different.
440
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,814
I'm still Beavis
on the inside,
441
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,016
but who's that person
on the outside?
442
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,619
[grunting]
And why are his eyes yellow?
443
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,488
And what's that white stuff
on his mouth?
444
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:09,589
Ahh!
445
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,524
Nobody understands me, God.
446
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,059
Not even Butt-Head.
447
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,094
- [grunting]
- We're getting reports
448
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:18,465
of a rabies outbreak
in the local skunk population.
449
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,066
- Ahh!
- Damn it, Beavis,
450
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,236
you're getting your gross drool
on my side of the couch now.
451
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,406
Ahh! Ahh!
452
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,175
Shut up, dumbass. Uh!
453
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,842
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
454
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:30,910
Uhh!
455
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,213
- [growling]
- Uhh! Uhh!
456
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,250
- Uhh!
- [growling]
457
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,586
Beavis, I'm just gonna
go ahead
458
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,288
and kick your ass
some other time.
459
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,323
- [screams]
- Ahh!
460
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,158
[gentle music]
461
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,060
Yeah, you could say I've been
going through changes.
462
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,129
I guess this is
all part of growing up,
463
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:51,731
right, God?
464
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,335
So, yeah, God,
465
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,437
that's what's going on with me.
466
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,138
Also, I can't see very good,
467
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,907
and my pee is red.
468
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,409
So, um--
469
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,544
What did I wanna
ask you again? Um--
470
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,679
It was, um, uh--
oh, yeah, yeah, um,
471
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,915
can you, like,
make my nads bigger?
472
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,618
Yeah. That would be cool.
[chuckles]
473
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,487
Beavis, I am not God.
474
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,657
I am a fever-induced
hallucination.
475
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,726
You have rabies.
476
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,628
Uh-huh. Huh.
477
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,330
Now, that's cool
and everything, God,
478
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,565
but my nads--
yeah, can you make 'em bigger?
479
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,167
Beavis,
your nads are perfect
480
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,237
just the way they are.
481
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,572
And I am not God.
482
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,006
Whoa, really?
483
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,208
Wow, wow.
484
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,843
Thanks, God.
485
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,511
I guess you're right.
486
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,946
My body is pretty cool,
you know,
487
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,981
just the way it is.
[chuckles]
488
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,683
I don't know what I was
so worried about, you know.
489
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,084
[chuckles]
490
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,620
Yeah, so it turns out
491
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,290
my body is perfect
just the way it is.
492
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,825
From now on,
I'm gonna stop worrying
493
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,661
and just be myself.
494
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,697
Ah! Ahh!
495
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,566
- What the hell?
- Ahh!
496
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,468
- Marcie, get the gun!
- Ahh! Ahh!
497
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,471
[rock music]
498
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:11,644
♪ ♪
499
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,995
[chiming noises]
500
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,096
Chirp.
33084
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