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00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:08,617
♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,576
[rock music]
3
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:18,583
♪ ♪
4
00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:27,853
George Washington
and the Founding Fathers
5
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:30,421
were farmers, mm-kay?
6
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:33,294
And the main crop
they grew was tobacco.
7
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,645
Whoa.
You can grow cigarettes?
8
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:40,170
Well, no, but you
can grow tobacco, mm-kay?
9
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:42,999
You can grow tobacco.
10
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,654
Yes, tobacco is a plant.
11
00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:48,439
It grows from seeds
like any other plant.
12
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:52,400
Whoa, cigarette seeds.
That's cool.
13
00:00:52,487 --> 00:00:55,446
[sighs]
Guys, it's April.
14
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:58,058
We're supposed to be up
to the Vietnam War.
15
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,885
Now, as I was saying,
16
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:03,759
tobacco was America's
first cash crop.
17
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,674
Yeah, yeah,
get cash and money.
18
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,503
Beavis, we've heard enough.
19
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,245
Let's grow tobacco
and get cash money
20
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:13,029
like that dumbass
George Washington.
21
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:15,727
[chuckles]
22
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:19,035
So, um, Butt-Head?
How do we grow tobacco?
23
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,864
Uh...
24
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,388
whoa, check it out.
25
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,869
Whoa, is that
a cigarette seed?
26
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,523
It sure is, Beavis.
27
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,003
We finally learned something
from that hippie.
28
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,831
[chuckles]
29
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:37,184
Um, I don't think
it's growing, Butt-Head.
30
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,883
That's because it's not
on a farm, butthole.
31
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:44,365
It needs, like, dirt and,
like, barns and stuff.
32
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,062
Oh, yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:49,892
And, like, a pitchfork or
something, or some hay maybe.
34
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:53,374
Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
More seeds.
35
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:56,899
[both chuckling]
36
00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:58,857
It's good to see
two young people
37
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,816
cleaning up all the litter
around here.
38
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,210
There's a receptacle
right over there, boys.
39
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:06,343
Whoa, cool.
40
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,389
We're gonna be rich.
41
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,913
I can't believe
these dumbasses
42
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,350
just left these around and
didn't know they were seeds.
43
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,135
They really suck at farming.
44
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:18,225
Beavis, everybody
sucks at everything.
45
00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:20,227
[chuckles]
46
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,011
♪ It'll be a Wednesday ♪
47
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:24,492
♪ And I'll be going
in this coffee shop ♪
48
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:27,538
♪ Hear the barista call an oat
milk latte and your name ♪
49
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,193
♪ And I look up from my phone
and think there's no chance ♪
50
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,064
♪ It's you, but it is ♪
51
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,024
- Uh...
- Eh?
52
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,547
♪ How's your family,
how's your sister? ♪
53
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,984
♪ I'll say,
Shannon's being Shannon ♪
54
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,683
♪ After a minute of nonsensical
chatter, you'll say ♪
55
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:44,164
Does she know
that the video's started yet?
56
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:47,906
She can't decide if she's,
like, talking, or singing,
57
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:51,910
or rapping, or just not
really trying very hard.
58
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:56,828
♪ We've been swimming
on edge of a cliff ♪
59
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,482
Wait a second.
60
00:02:58,569 --> 00:02:59,962
Swimming on the edge
of a cliff?
61
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:03,183
I don't understand that.
I don't get that at all.
62
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,576
Maybe it's like, uhh,
63
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,361
there's, like,
a waterfall or something?
64
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,797
[chuckles]
65
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,102
No, no,
that would be a waterfall.
66
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,843
It's not a cliff.
67
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:14,803
No, it doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make any sense.
68
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,327
Swimming on the edge
of a cliff, I don't get it.
69
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:20,374
Uh, okay, Beavis.
70
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:23,768
It's dumb.
Do you get that?
71
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,988
♪ We've been swimming ♪
72
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,556
Well, maybe there's,
like, a baby pool,
73
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:31,776
but you can't swim
in a baby pool.
74
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,517
Yeah, I don't understand it.
75
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:36,216
Dammit, Beavis, who cares?
76
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,957
It's just stupid.
77
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:41,177
If there was pool
on the edge of a cliff--
78
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,613
just think about it
for like a couple minutes.
79
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,485
If there was a pool
on the edge of a cliff--
80
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:45,964
Uh, anyway, Beavis--
81
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,401
So where's the edge
of the pool?
82
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,185
- Is that the cliff?
- Dammit, Beavis, shut up.
83
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,795
Wait a minute.
84
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,755
Maybe the whole cliff is made
of water, or it's ice
85
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:55,452
because--you know, 'cause
then that's part of the--
86
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,149
no, no, that isn't it.
87
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,413
♪ You'll suggest a restaurant
we used to go to ♪
88
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,979
She'd be a cool girlfriend
89
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:02,851
'cause you could, like,
come home and just say,
90
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,374
"Well, how was your day?"
91
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,637
And then she'd be like,
"Bleh, bleh, bleh.
92
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,073
It was a Wednesday, and--"
93
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,553
I'm sorry
to keep harping on this,
94
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,207
but I'm thinking
about the cliff again,
95
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:15,472
and maybe if you took
an aboveground pool,
96
00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:18,954
one of those infinite pools
or something, but--
97
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,564
Dammit, Beavis,
if you say one more thing
98
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,218
about the cliff,
I'm gonna smack
99
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,437
the living crap out of you.
100
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,090
Hang on, hang on.
101
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,962
Let me just circle back
to the cliff for a second.
102
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:28,572
Okay, hear me out.
103
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:32,533
My grandmother's favorite actor
is Montgomery Clift.
104
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,186
Now, if he had a pool
at his house--
105
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,884
Ahh!
106
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,803
- [grunts]
- Hurry up, Beavis.
107
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,501
We gotta, like, find some dirt,
so we can go farm
108
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:48,157
like that George Washington butthole.
109
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:52,944
You know, I wonder if
George Washington ever scored.
110
00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,338
Of course he scored, dumbass.
111
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,907
He's rich, and he's got
his own cigarette trees.
112
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,039
You should think
before you open your mouth
113
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,085
once in a while.
114
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,652
[chuckles]
115
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,871
Dammit,
stop eating the seeds.
116
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:10,788
Sorry, it's like, I ate one,
and now it's like,
117
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,355
I just can't stop, you know?
118
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,704
It's like
I'm addicted to seeds,
119
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,880
you know what I'm saying?
120
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:17,795
- [chuckling]
- Whoa.
121
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:21,408
Check it out, Beavis, a farm.
122
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:29,198
Um, Butt-Head, how are we
supposed to plant our tobacco?
123
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:32,767
There's, like, already
all these plants here.
124
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,464
Uh...
125
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,293
I think they're just like
weeds or something.
126
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,556
People have really let this
place go to crap, you know.
127
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,384
It's a disgrace.
128
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:44,996
Well, let's dig this crap up.
129
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:48,435
Damn weeds.
130
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,088
What the hell is this thing?
131
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:53,135
[both grunting]
132
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:57,095
[rock music]
133
00:05:57,182 --> 00:06:03,928
♪ ♪
134
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,453
[sighs]
Farming is hard work.
135
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,412
[grunts]
136
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,372
Feels good though, you know?
Back to the soil.
137
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:22,904
[grunts]
That ought to do it.
138
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:25,994
Now let's plant our tobacco.
139
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,475
- [grunts]
- [chuckles]
140
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:36,134
There we go, all done.
141
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,136
So, um...
142
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,269
when will they be ready?
143
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,792
Patience, Beavis.
144
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:44,186
The cigarette tree takes
many seasons to grow.
145
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,538
Uh, how many of those
did you eat?
146
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:52,063
I don't know.
Probably like 80.
147
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,935
Dammit, Beavis,
each one of those was gonna be
148
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,545
a whole cigarette tree.
149
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,504
You ate like 80 trees.
150
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,244
Sorry, sorry.
151
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,247
Just one more to help me relax.
152
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:06,121
I'll stop tomorrow.
153
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,689
Dammit, Beavis, now we gotta
go find more seeds,
154
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,604
or we're not gonna
get rich enough.
155
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,563
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, good idea.
156
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,826
I'm, like,
craving finding more seeds.
157
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,654
You know what I mean?
158
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,264
[gasps]
159
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:21,528
- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.
160
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:25,749
I don't understand who would do
something like this.
161
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:27,664
The important thing is,
162
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,667
we worked together
and cleaned it up.
163
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:35,498
Butt-Head,
the weeds grew back.
164
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,326
That sucks.
165
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:38,980
Well, let's get to work.
166
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:42,766
[grunting]
167
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:45,508
No one said it'd be easy.
168
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,991
What the hell?
169
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,732
What are you doing
in our garden?
170
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,298
Uh...
171
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:54,996
we're farming, dumbass.
172
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,606
What does it look like?
173
00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,173
Yeah, yeah, we're trying
to get rid of these weeds,
174
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,697
unlike some lazy people.
175
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,699
What's your problem?
176
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,354
Wait a second.
I know these boys.
177
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:07,922
They couldn't have been
the ones who ruined our garden.
178
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:11,012
They're good boys,
and they pick up litter.
179
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,449
Uh, what?
180
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,147
No, no, we're trying
to be like George Washington.
181
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,672
George Washington?
182
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:21,370
I guess they know
the importance of being honest.
183
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:24,765
Yeah,
George Washington scored.
184
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:26,418
They were just trying
to help clean up,
185
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,246
and we jumped to conclusions.
186
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,640
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm sorry, boys.
187
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,686
If you two ever want
to help us garden,
188
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,296
you're always welcome.
189
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,733
Um, okay.
190
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,822
Well, Beavis,
let's get to farming.
191
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,042
We've got a lot
of hard work ahead of us.
192
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,478
- That's right.
- Yes.
193
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,654
Sir, could I use
your shovel for a minute?
194
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:48,049
For a fellow gardener?
Of course.
195
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,489
Hey, stop that!
196
00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:56,057
We're just trying
to do an honest day's work,
197
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:57,928
you lazy buttholes.
198
00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,713
Yeah, work.
You ever heard of it?
199
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,498
Lend a hand
or get out of the way.
200
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,718
- Let's get 'em!
- Hey, hey, hey!
201
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,502
[groans]
202
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,025
- Ow!
- Don't make me kick your--
203
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,767
[grunts and yells]
204
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,511
Tobacco sucks.
205
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:18,340
That old lady kicked
my ass so hard,
206
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,777
the doctor said
I have a tumor on my tongue.
207
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,563
And it increased my risk
of heart disease.
208
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,260
Yeah.
209
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:28,524
And also, like, a low fetal
birth weight or something.
210
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,700
I don't know.
211
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:33,268
Well, we certainly learned
a lesson today.
212
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,226
Yep, we sure did.
213
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,838
The reason George Washington
is dead is some old ladies
214
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,144
kicked his ass
and gave him cancer.
215
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,929
[chuckles]
216
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,671
And that's why we're
the greatest country on Earth.
217
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:48,849
[rock music]
218
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:57,248
[both chuckling]
219
00:09:57,335 --> 00:10:00,208
[rock music]
220
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:07,215
♪ ♪
221
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:11,436
[both chuckling]
222
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,874
Uh, hey, baby.
223
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,050
Want to come with us
to Burger World?
224
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,442
Maybe buy us some burgers
225
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,967
and maybe a little something
on the side?
226
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:23,100
Get lost, creeps.
227
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,886
She didn't slap us
like usual, Butt-Head.
228
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:30,107
I think she's starting
to come around.
229
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,284
Whoa, some dumbass
is getting his car towed.
230
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,678
[both laugh]
231
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,637
Dumbass.
232
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,769
Um...
233
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,728
wait a second, that's our car.
234
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:44,687
Uh, what's the problem, officer?
235
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,515
Your car's impounded.
236
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:50,171
You have over $500
in unpaid parking tickets.
237
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:54,828
In our defense, officer,
parking sucks.
238
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:57,178
People like you
shouldn't be on the road
239
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:58,701
if you can't follow the rules.
240
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:01,835
Your licenses are suspended
until you pay the fines.
241
00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,186
Uh...
242
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,016
Okay, Beavis, we need
to find where they give you
243
00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:10,844
your license back.
244
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,891
Uh, that line sucks.
245
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,155
Yeah,
that's gonna take forever.
246
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,071
There's no line at that one.
247
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,857
Yeah, let's go there.
248
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:28,862
Uh, we need a license.
249
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,038
Well, congratulations.
250
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,474
And how's your day
going so far?
251
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,216
Uh, today sucks.
252
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,435
Yeah, we just wanted
to go to Burger World,
253
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,742
but then our neighbor yelled
at us and called us creeps.
254
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,439
And then this cop was like,
255
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:44,355
"You and your kind need
to get off the streets."
256
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,967
Oh, you poor,
sweet, beautiful men.
257
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:49,273
How can people be so cruel?
258
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,101
I know.
259
00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:54,365
We're just, like, two guys
trying to live our lives.
260
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,759
Yeah, but sometimes,
it just feels like
261
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:57,978
the whole world is against us.
262
00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,544
You know what I'm saying?
263
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:02,243
Well, I just know
there's gonna be a lot
264
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,724
of broken hearts
when a couple of hot bachelors
265
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,290
like you go off the market.
266
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,118
Uh...
267
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:11,252
did you just call us
hot bachelors?
268
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:14,429
Yes, sir, I did, and you are,
but not for long.
269
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,605
How does getting married sound?
270
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:21,218
Whoa, uh,
you want to marry us?
271
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,612
Yes, I do, if you're ready.
272
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:26,049
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
273
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,878
I need to talk
to Beavis for a second.
274
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,272
Um, what's going on?
275
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:34,144
Don't you see what's
happening here, Beavis?
276
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,494
She wants a three-way with us.
277
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,758
- Whoa, really?
- Yeah.
278
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,064
But she's, like, old-fashioned,
279
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:44,807
so we have to get married
to her first.
280
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:47,157
Is that legal for her
to have, like, two husbands?
281
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,116
Who cares, Beavis?
282
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,901
By the time they arrest us,
we'll have already scored.
283
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,773
Oh, yeah, yeah.
284
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,123
Yeah, I'd go to jail
for that, yeah.
285
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,561
[chuckles]
Bo-oi-oi-oing.
286
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:04,131
We're ready to get married.
287
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,437
This is
the happiest day of my life.
288
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:12,313
Hello,
and welcome to my apartment.
289
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,358
"Hello, well,
thank you for letting me in!
290
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:15,925
Ah, ah, ah!"
291
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,666
[chuckling]
292
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:19,711
"Oh, you want me
to take my shoes off?
293
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,235
Ooh!"
294
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:24,020
"Where do you keep the beer?
Hm, hah!"
295
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,588
"This is so fun, oh."
296
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:30,244
"Oh, sorry I'm late.
I was held up in traffic, ah!"
297
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,549
Two roommates
in Lower Manhattan,
298
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:34,422
here in beautiful
New York City.
299
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,902
And I've lived here
for now a year and a half.
300
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,381
You know what?
[chuckles]
301
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,166
I think our apartment's
cooler than this.
302
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,647
Yeah, I bet their previous
owner didn't kill himself in it
303
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,345
like ours did.
304
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,782
Sliver of window, so it's
kind of like a cave in here.
305
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,566
We have a storage closet.
306
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,612
She says everything
like it's a question.
307
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:53,310
"This is my apartment?
And it sucks?
308
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:56,226
And this tour sucks too?"
309
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:59,055
The process
of doing a baby makeover.
310
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:02,624
"It does suck, but I'm gonna
keep talking about it anyway?"
311
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,148
[chuckles]
312
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:08,499
We should, like,
do a tour of our apartment.
313
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:11,241
Oh, yeah, yeah,
that's a good idea.
314
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:12,852
"Now, this is a couch,
315
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:16,507
and over there
are some pizza boxes?"
316
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:20,294
"And over on the door,
these are eviction notices?"
317
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,166
"We got them
from our landlord?
318
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:26,256
He sucks?"
319
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,084
"Here's a conversation piece,
320
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,217
a half-eaten bag
of potato chips?"
321
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,306
"On the floor
are some beer bottles?"
322
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,395
"You can tell
we really love beer?"
323
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:38,268
"And over here is a rat
in a glue trap?"
324
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,792
"And right behind that
is a turd?"
325
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,708
"The turd is from the rat
326
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:47,495
"before he died slowly?
327
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:51,760
"And over there, that's Beavis?
He's a dumbass?
328
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:54,458
I found him
when I was banging his mom?"
329
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,330
Shut up, Butt-Head!
330
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,679
"And if you look
above my head,
331
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,768
"there's a picture
of some guy fishing?
332
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,075
That's Beavis' uncle?"
333
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,293
No, it isn't.
334
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,947
It looks kind of like him,
335
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,036
but I stole it
from a Long John Silver's.
336
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:10,779
Uh, why?
337
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,302
Because the French fries
were too hot,
338
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,609
and it pissed me off.
339
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:15,958
And they still wouldn't
give me my money back
340
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,438
because I ate 'em all,
341
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:20,615
so I just, like,
took that picture instead.
342
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:23,139
Uh, I hate it.
343
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:25,968
Yeah, I hate it too, yeah.
344
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,057
"Anyway, back to the tour?
345
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,539
Sometimes, you can hear voices
through this wall?"
346
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,977
"Sometimes, the voices
tell me to cleanse the city?"
347
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,806
Those voices aren't
through the wall, Beavis.
348
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:41,462
Those are, like,
inside your head already.
349
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,552
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
350
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:47,990
"That's not part
of the apartment tour?"
351
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,426
All right, I hope you enjoyed
352
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,951
my little apartment tour
here in New York.
353
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:56,651
She's like, "Well, goodbye.
Thanks for coming over, ooh!"
354
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,741
"Yeah, yeah, now get
out of my apartment please!"
355
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,656
[chortles]
356
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:05,834
By the power vested in me
by the great state of Texas,
357
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:09,142
I now pronounce you
husband and husband.
358
00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:11,187
Bo-oi-oi-oing.
359
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,408
Ooh, that's the spirit.
[laughs]
360
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:16,192
Well, I guess
we're all married now.
361
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,674
Wanna, like, come back
to our apartment to celebrate?
362
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:20,892
[chuckles]
363
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,329
Oh,
that's awfully sweet, boys,
364
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,765
but I still have to work.
365
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:27,421
Okay.
We'll just see you later then.
366
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,901
Okay, sounds good, see ya.
367
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,730
- We're gonna score.
- Yeah, yeah.
368
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,994
[both chuckling]
369
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,431
You know,
I always thought being married
370
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,520
was gonna be weird,
but it's not bad.
371
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,609
[chuckles]
372
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:43,654
You know, Beavis, we should
have gotten married years ago.
373
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:46,483
Wait, you guys are married?
374
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:49,660
Yep, it just happened,
like, all of a sudden.
375
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,314
Yeah, we were
down at the courthouse,
376
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,795
you know,
and one thing led to another.
377
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,362
Oh.
378
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,929
I think I misjudged you guys.
379
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,801
Creeps!
380
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:00,845
- Pervert!
- Ah!
381
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:04,110
- Losers!
- Ah!
382
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,981
I am so sorry.
383
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,331
Congratulations!
384
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:11,334
Is there some way
I can make it up to you?
385
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:14,337
You guys have a seat.
This one's on me.
386
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:16,644
We're gonna be doing it
later today.
387
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,994
- Yeah, yeah, that's right.
- Good for you.
388
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,040
Doing the deed.
389
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,867
Yeah.
390
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:26,045
This is cool.
She's being really nice to us.
391
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,569
Yeah, it's like they say,
392
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:31,920
being married
is a chick magnet.
393
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,705
In fact, she might want
to even get in our three-way.
394
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,272
Yeah, yeah.
395
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,100
Yeah,
maybe she'll marry us too.
396
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:41,060
And then we can have,
like, a, uh, five-way!
397
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,844
Yeah.
[both chuckle]
398
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,499
- That would be cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
399
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,283
I get dibs
on the neighbor chick first.
400
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,155
No way, butthole.
401
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:52,201
I get to choose.
It was my idea.
402
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,898
See, you're always like this!
403
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,291
You always have
to get your way!
404
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:56,945
Dammit, Beavis,
don't embarrass me
405
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:58,686
at the Burger World.
406
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:01,776
I didn't get married so you
could just order me around!
407
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,561
I got married so the two
of us could have a three-way
408
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,259
with the lady from the county!
409
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,609
And so did I.
410
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,741
But that seems like
a long time ago now.
411
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:14,005
I've had enough of your crap,
butthole!
412
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,703
We never should have gotten
married in the first place,
413
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:18,140
dumbass.
414
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,663
What happened to Beavis?
415
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:24,277
Forget about him, baby.
Let's talk about me and you.
416
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:25,887
We can go back to your place
417
00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:28,237
and make beautiful l--
418
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,110
You creep!
419
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:37,420
She left her food.
[chuckles]
420
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,600
Where's that chick
who married us?
421
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,515
Yeah, she never showed up
at our place,
422
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,387
and we need to get
back on the market,
423
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,953
so we need one
of those divorce things.
424
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,478
Oh, you mean Janice?
425
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:54,133
She's having lunch
with her husband.
426
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,308
Husband?
427
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:57,440
How many guys
is she married to?
428
00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:01,749
Uh, I guess we were gonna
have a seven-way or something.
429
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:04,621
Anyway,
we don't do divorces here.
430
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:08,147
You're gonna need a lawyer,
and there's a $500 filing fee.
431
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:09,713
500 bucks?
432
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,368
I'd rather spend that money
getting the car back.
433
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:15,284
Uh, that's a good idea.
434
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,026
And we can just, like,
pretend we never got married.
435
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,984
Yeah, cool.
[chuckles]
436
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,426
What happened to the seat?
437
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,385
It's an impound lot.
Stuff happens.
438
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:32,258
- If you don't want the car--
- No, no, it's fine.
439
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:38,612
Ugh, this is hurting my butt.
440
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,353
I'm gonna have to sit up there
next to you.
441
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,661
Come on, scoot over, Butt-Head.
442
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:46,794
You scoot over.
443
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:48,187
You're sitting too close.
444
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,798
Dammit, Beavis, cut it out.
445
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:53,366
There we go.
That's better.
446
00:19:53,453 --> 00:19:56,673
Feels good to have things
back to normal again.
447
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,371
Can you hear me?
448
00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:00,068
Hey!
449
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,070
[cans rattling]
450
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,506
Hey, Butt-Head, look.
451
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,204
Look at those hot chicks.
452
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,427
Aww, look at those two old
guys who just got married.
453
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:14,909
Oh, look how much
they love each other.
454
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,389
You see that, Beavis?
455
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:18,391
They can tell we're back
on the market.
456
00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:20,131
Yeah, turn around, Butt-Head.
457
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,700
It's too soon to get tied
down again, Beavis.
458
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:26,877
We're good
just the way we are.
459
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,880
[rock music]
460
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:36,800
♪ ♪
461
00:20:58,735 --> 00:20:59,954
Chirp.
31156
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