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1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,837
- * MTV *
2
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,476
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,445
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:18,452
* *
5
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,963
[snacks crunching]
- Um, Butt-Head?
6
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,767
Um...how come we never score?
7
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,337
- Uhh...
8
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,971
I don't know.
9
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,074
- I mean, other people score,
you know?
10
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,911
It just doesn't make any sense.
[chuckles]
11
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,847
- Sure doesn't. [chuckles]
12
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,449
- Maybe there's a reason
we never score.
13
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:51,819
Like, maybe somebody up there
doesn't want us to score.
14
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,488
Like...up there. Above.
15
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,590
In, like, the heavenly clouds
or something.
16
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,925
[chuckles]
- Uhh...
17
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,161
what are you talking about,
Beavis?
18
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,863
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess you're right.
19
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,864
There's nobody up there.
[chuckles]
20
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,535
Whoa!
[heavenly chorus]
21
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,137
Whoa, Butt-Head. Butt-Head!
22
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,505
Hey, check it out.
- What?
23
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,275
- In my chip, look.
It's that guy. [chuckles]
24
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,776
- What guy?
- That guy.
25
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,312
You know, the guy who's
Jesus or--
26
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,780
or, like, Christ or something.
27
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:20,981
[chuckles]
28
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,384
- You dumbass,
that's not Jesus.
29
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,053
That's, like, that hippie
from the Beatles or something.
30
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,156
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]
31
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,458
It is a sign. [chuckles]
32
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:34,728
A sign that Jesus has appeared
in these nachos
33
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:38,098
to help me score.
Yeah. [chuckles]
34
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,301
- * Brushed my hair,
went downstairs *
35
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,137
* Favorite jeans on my rear *
36
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,705
* And I looked up
in my mirror *
37
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,640
- She's got
one of those things on
38
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,609
that you wore that time
someone drew wieners
39
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,545
all over your face.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
40
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,080
Yeah, yeah, I cut holes out
just like that, yeah.
41
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,548
[chuckles]
42
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,551
You know, I never figured out
who did it.
43
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,721
It's like one minute
we're sitting here watching TV,
44
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,023
and then I fall asleep
on the couch.
45
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,625
And then the next thing
I know,
46
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:08,596
I wake up and there's schlongs
all over my forehead and face.
47
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,364
[chuckles]
48
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,632
And no one else was here.
49
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,066
I mean, except you, of course.
50
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,968
And the door was locked.
51
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,637
And it just doesn't make
any sense.
52
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,639
- [snickers]
53
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,275
- But I'm gonna figure it out
54
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:24,011
because whoever did it
made one mistake.
55
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,980
They wrote "BH"
underneath the schlongs.
56
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,283
[both chuckle]
57
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,220
The "BH," I think, stands for,
"Beavis, hello."
58
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,322
You know, which is nice,
but, you know--
59
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:37,024
But who would say hello?
I mean, except you, of course.
60
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,959
[chuckles] Just can't think
of anybody.
61
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,060
But I'm gonna figure it out.
62
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,030
- [snickers] You're a dumbass.
63
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,666
[chuckles]
64
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,901
- * Attitude, attitude,
attitude, attitude *
65
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,270
* Attitude, attitude *
66
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,538
- Sometimes, like,
when you say a word
67
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,273
over and over again
like she is,
68
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,908
you forget what it means.
69
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,577
- Oh, yeah. Let me try.
[chuckles]
70
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,646
Attitude, attitude, attitude,
attitude, attitude, attitude,
71
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,614
attitude, attitude, attitude,
attitude, attitude, attitude,
72
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,483
attitude, attitude, attitude,
attitude, attitude.
73
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,353
[chuckles] Yeah, I don't know
what "attitude" means.
74
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,554
I don't think I knew
what it meant
75
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,356
before though, you know?
[chuckles]
76
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:12,025
- If I, like, kept saying
"Beavis" over and over again,
77
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,994
you wouldn't mean anything.
78
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,597
You know, like,
Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
79
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,499
Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
- C'mon, don't do that,
80
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,867
Butt-Head.
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
81
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,469
- It's not gonna work,
Butt-Head.
82
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,803
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
- Can you stop doing that,
83
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,204
Butt-Head?
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
84
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,606
- Butt-Head, I'm serious.
Don't do that.
85
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,375
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
- C'mon, stop.
86
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,243
Whoa. C'mon, stop.
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
87
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,345
- Stop it, Butt-Head, c'mon.
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
88
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,747
- Wait a minute, who am I?
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
89
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,683
- Did I disappear?
- Hey, Beavis. Beavis.
90
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,216
- Do I exist?
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
91
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,319
- Say something else.
Say any other words, like--
92
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,853
- Beavis.
- Like, Beavis.
93
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,954
I mean...
- Beavis, Beavis, Beavis.
94
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,423
- Just say anything.
95
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,325
Any other words but that.
C'mon. [chuckles]
96
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,927
- Uh, okay. [chuckles]
97
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:49,430
I drew wieners
all over your face.
98
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,799
[chuckles]
99
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,301
- Ohh!
100
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,569
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
101
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,605
Yeah, I finally solved
the case.
102
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,406
Yeah. [chuckles]
103
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,174
- * So what I got
a attitude? *
104
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,712
- Damn it, Beavis,
that isn't Jesus
105
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,280
on your nachos chip.
106
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,316
And if he was gonna help
anyone score it'd be me
107
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,117
because I'm better-looking.
108
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,352
[chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
109
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,221
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Yeah. [chuckles]
110
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,824
Butt-Head, check it out!
It's another sign, see?
111
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,327
Maybe to score, we have to go
into that church
112
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:23,364
and, like--like, sing
Christmas songs or something.
113
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,265
- Damn it, Beavis,
you're never gonna score
114
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,534
if you keep acting weird.
115
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,168
- No way, Butt-Head, shut up.
116
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,003
I'm tired of listening to you.
117
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,773
From now on,
I'm listening to Him.
118
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,075
[chuckles]
- Who?
119
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,478
- The Lord. [chuckles]
120
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,580
- That's not the Lord, dumbass.
121
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,749
That's that chick
who never scored.
122
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,951
- No way, that's him.
Yeah. [chuckles]
123
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,519
- Quit being all weird.
124
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,921
I'm gonna eat your magic chip
so you'll shut up--
125
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:48,956
- [grunts]
- [groans]
126
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,290
- No way, Butt-Head.
127
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:53,361
From now on,
I'm listening to Him, butthole.
128
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,932
And, soon, I shall score.
[chuckles]
129
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,701
- [groaning]
- So it shall be.
130
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:04,538
[chuckles] Boi-oing.
- [groaning]
131
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,643
- And he said unto me,
"Get on down."
132
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,045
[chuckles]
You know what I'm saying?
133
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,014
Okay, let's see. Where is he?
134
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,684
Oh, there he is.
135
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,819
Damn it, Lord,
am I gonna score or not?
136
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:22,356
[chuckles] I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.
137
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,593
Do I, like, leave money
under my pillow or something?
138
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,861
Or, I don't know, just like--
139
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,296
like, what's the deal here?
140
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,099
C'mon. [chuckles]
141
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,167
- Welcome, my son.
142
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:38,238
Looking for answers?
Perhaps I can help.
143
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,307
- So, Your Honor, um--
144
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:43,210
I want to know how I can get
Jesus to help me out
145
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,546
if you know what I'm saying.
[chuckles]
146
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,815
- To study the nature
of the Christ,
147
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:52,052
I could refer you to any number
of papal encyclicals.
148
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,721
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
149
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,322
- But I would suggest
you start
150
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:59,359
with the Christavideas
Lavadicci,
151
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:03,196
'cause it is addressed
specifically to the laity.
152
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,834
- Okay, that's sounds good.
[chuckles] "Lay."
153
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,603
[snickers]
154
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,573
- It was written
by Pope John Paul II
155
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,509
after a special synod
of bishops in Rome.
156
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:20,080
The seventh such synod
since Vatican II.
157
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,649
- Vatican II?
158
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,618
Is that, like, when Iron Man
kicked that guy's ass?
159
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,487
I didn't get what was going on
in that movie, you know?
160
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:30,624
- I don't often get
a chance to go to the cinema.
161
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:34,495
Anyway, Christavideas
is a powerful statement
162
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,631
redefining the role
of the laity,
163
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,468
which is nothing less
than the transformation
164
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,804
of the entire temporal order.
[chuckles]
165
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:46,339
- Yeah, yeah. [chuckles]
166
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,210
That's, uh--yeah. [chuckles]
Uh-huh.
167
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,580
- I know
what you're going to say--
168
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,882
that would make it the boldest
papal pronouncement
169
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,751
since Quia Nonnumquam.
[chuckles]
170
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:01,889
But let's take it easy before
we all get excommunicated.
171
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,325
[laughs] Yes.
- [chuckles] Yeah, really.
172
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,794
Or something.
173
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:11,331
- Anyway, you're going to want
to read this as well.
174
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,266
- Yeah, yeah, I guess,
maybe, you know.
175
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,235
I'll take a look, you know.
[chuckles]
176
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,973
I'm just gonna go ahead
and put these here.
177
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,810
They'll be safe. [chuckles]
178
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,713
Nonumquam. [chuckles]
179
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,420
- That's a cool logo, yeah.
[chuckles]
180
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,556
Give this a try. [chuckles]
181
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,157
So, um, Father,
182
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,592
I was
at one of your other branches
183
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,361
and couldn't really understand
what the guy was saying.
184
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:44,665
And, um, I just have
some questions about Jesus.
185
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:48,869
- Jews actually don't believe
in Jesus as the Messiah.
186
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,137
Our religion teaches
187
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,740
that the Messiah
has not yet come.
188
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,842
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I see.
189
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,377
So, um--so what does Jesus
want me to do?
190
00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,413
Like, how do I get him
to use his magic powers?
191
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,819
- Again, as a Jew,
Jesus is not part of my faith.
192
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,221
- Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, wow, um--
193
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,090
so how tall was Jesus,
you think?
194
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,392
- Well, that's a good question.
195
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,895
But I think
it's probably better posed
196
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:17,130
to someone
of the Christian faith.
197
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,766
But I'd love to answer
any questions you have
198
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,500
about Judaism.
199
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,035
- Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
I understand.
200
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,437
Yeah, um, so is it weird
for Jesus
201
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,507
that he has the same name
as the Christmas baby?
202
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:31,078
- That's not really a question
about Judaism.
203
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,479
- Oh, right, right.
[chuckles]
204
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,549
So, Your Honor, um,
it's cool if you say no,
205
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,018
and don't get mad, but, um,
206
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,986
is it okay if I ask you
a question
207
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,756
that's not about Jesus?
[chuckles]
208
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,325
- Yes.
- Okay, yeah, um--
209
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,060
it would have been nice
to know that before, you know,
210
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,796
but, um, anyway...
211
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:52,399
Um, is there a guy
inside Iron Man?
212
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,335
- [takes deep breath]
213
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,171
Okay, Stark Industries
was founded in 1939
214
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,073
by Howard Stark,
Tony Stark's father.
215
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,742
- Uh-huh.
- And it quickly grows to be
216
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:05,746
the biggest, high-tech arms
manufacturer on the planet.
217
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,147
- Huh?
- When Tony Stark takes over
218
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,618
as CEO, he gets kidnapped
in Afghanistan.
219
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,985
Let me show you where that is
on the map.
220
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,587
- Oh, boy.
221
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:17,858
- So Tony's gonna have
to invent an arc reactor.
222
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,993
- This sucks. [chuckles]
223
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,163
- [inhales deeply]
224
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,198
Gonna get my napkin ready
just in case anything falls...
225
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:28,501
- Whoa, she's really gonna eat
ten Big Macs in a row?
226
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,970
[chuckles]
- I'm really glad...
227
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,940
- Uh, no, she's probably
just gonna, like,
228
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,575
lecture us on how fast food
is bad for you.
229
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,010
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
230
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,612
She's probably just gonna,
like, yell at us
231
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,581
about meat and America
and "meat is murder."
232
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,415
- Go.
- [chuckles]
233
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,320
- Uh, wait a second.
234
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,422
I think she's really
gonna do it.
235
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,659
- Whoa. Yes.
236
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,127
Yes, she's not spitting it out
or complaining or anything.
237
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,262
Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
238
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,664
Yes.
- Whoa, yeah, yeah.
239
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:57,731
- Ooh, that's good.
- Yeah, get it. Yeah, yeah.
240
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:58,832
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Go, go, go.
241
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,100
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
242
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:04,604
both: Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go.
243
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,106
- Go. Yes.
- Go, yeah, yeah.
244
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,975
- [chuckles]
245
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,877
- This is great.
246
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,945
Yeah. [chuckles]
247
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,414
- This is the coolest chick
I have ever seen in my life.
248
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,583
- Yeah. Ooh, yeah.
- [chuckles]
249
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,619
- Look at that.
Just look at that.
250
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:20,921
[chuckles]
251
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,656
- Whoa.
I think she's gonna drink
252
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,726
that whole thing of Coke.
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
253
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,327
I just want to sit here
254
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,229
and watch this girl
eat hamburgers.
255
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,731
This is
the most beautiful thing
256
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,532
I have ever seen. Yeah.
257
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,002
[chuckles]
- Okay, Beavis. [chuckles]
258
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,904
It is amazing.
259
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,438
- It sure is.
260
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,873
You know, um--
261
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,408
normally, you know, I see
a girl like this, you know,
262
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,343
and I just think I want
to score with her, but, um,
263
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,146
now I want to just, like,
264
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,314
settle down with her,
you know?
265
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,949
And, like--and get married.
266
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,617
And, um...
[chuckles]
267
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,352
And have a couple kids.
268
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,022
And hopefully she doesn't eat
the kids, you know, but, um--
269
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,290
Yeah, and if Big Macs are
more important,
270
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,526
then, you know, she can have
all the Big Macs she wants
271
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,994
and I'll understand,
272
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,896
you know...[chuckles]
That that comes first.
273
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,631
You know? [chuckles]
274
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,199
- Okay, Beavis.
275
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,600
- Maybe I could score with her
276
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,437
after she's really full,
you know? [chuckles]
277
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,773
You know, the 11th Big Mac
is Beavis. Yeah.
278
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,141
[chuckles] Me.
279
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:19,012
- Uh, I think I'm in love,
Beavis.
280
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,948
And I'm gonna have
to kick your ass for her.
281
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,315
[chuckles]
282
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,384
- Shut up, Butt-Head, c'mon.
[chuckles]
283
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,854
- I would drive all the way
to New Zealand to get her.
284
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,723
[chuckling]
285
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,491
- Okay, she's
in the home stretch, now.
286
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,594
It's down to the last three.
C'mon. [chuckles]
287
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,530
- At this point,
it's all mental. [chuckles]
288
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,932
- You don't eat
those last three Big Macs
289
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,200
with your mouth.
290
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,969
You eat them with your heart.
291
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,805
She has the heart
of a champion. [chuckles]
292
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,975
- And it is completely
clogged with beef fat.
293
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,642
[snickers]
294
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,678
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]
295
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:52,980
That's my wife
you're talking about.
296
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,984
- [burps] I feel--
297
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,519
[burps]
- My woman.
298
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,788
[chuckles]
- [burps] Pardon me.
299
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,128
- And then I went to a place
called a mosque or something.
300
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,363
But they did not want
to talk about Jesus.
301
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,999
Wow. [chuckles]
302
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,168
- Your dumbass nacho isn't
gonna help us score, Beavis.
303
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:20,173
- No way. I still believe
He will help me score.
304
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,674
[chuckles]
305
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,411
C'mon. Just give me a sign.
306
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,079
Any kind of sign.
307
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,347
- Hey, Bobby!
308
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,549
Bobby and Broderick!
309
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,984
- Whoa. [chuckles]
310
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,520
- It's Audrey
from your homeroom.
311
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,789
I am so glad
to see you guys here.
312
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,792
- No chick has ever said
that to us.
313
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,328
It is a miracle. [chuckles]
314
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:44,531
- I've noticed you guys, like,
talk about sex all the time.
315
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,266
Like, it's all you think about.
316
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,500
And it's getting in the way
317
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,669
of your studies
and making other friends.
318
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,605
- It sure is, baby.
[both chuckle]
319
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,007
- I think what we do here
320
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,608
could really help you
get over that
321
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,210
and start living
your best life.
322
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,778
- Totally.
- Mm-hmm.
323
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,481
- Uh, wait a minute.
324
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,416
I see what's going on here.
325
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,318
You're saying
you're gonna help us score?
326
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,720
- It really helped me
with my SAT scores,
327
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,189
if that's what you mean.
328
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,757
Come on it. It'll be fun.
329
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,893
[girls giggling]
- We're gonna score.
330
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,527
[chuckles]
- Hallelujah.
331
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,830
[both snickering]
332
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:22,135
- * Whatever you give life
you will get back *
333
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,972
* Why be a wallflower *
- You know that thing
334
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,239
she just said, um,
335
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,775
"whatever you give life
you'll get back"?
336
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,178
Um, everybody's
always saying that.
337
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,780
And, um--
and it's just not true
338
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,049
because, um--because I, like,
339
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:38,718
just keep giving and giving
340
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,121
and trying
and everything sucks.
341
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,923
And, um--[chuckles]
There's no life.
342
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,392
And, um--yeah, yeah, anyway.
343
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,360
I just wanted to say
something about that, yeah.
344
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:50,463
[both chuckle]
- That would be a cool song,
345
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,465
Beavis. [chuckles]
346
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,134
You know, about how life sucks.
347
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,437
- Yeah, yeah, I mean,
if I could score just one time,
348
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,072
I'd say, "Yeah, yeah, okay.
There's something."
349
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,573
Yeah.
350
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,709
I'm not asking for a lot.
Just one time, yeah.
351
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,211
Yeah, it could be with anyone.
352
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,746
It could be with her,
it could be with her,
353
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,148
it could be with her.
354
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,050
It could be anyone.
Oh, not her, though. No.
355
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,885
[chuckles] She has fake hair.
356
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,387
She's all phony, yeah.
[chuckles]
357
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,824
- Uh, those are
all the same chick, Beavis.
358
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,692
- Then any of them,
or all of them,
359
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,828
or the same one. I don't care.
[chuckles]
360
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,796
All I need is--
whoa, a cheeseburger.
361
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,298
[chuckles]
362
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,766
Yeah, that looks pretty good
right about now.
363
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,036
[chuckles, sighs]
364
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,971
Yeah, I think
I'm just hungry, you know?
365
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,372
I get like this
when I'm hungry.
366
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,207
I might go get
a cheeseburger, Butt-Head.
367
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,409
- [chuckles]
- Kick ass.
368
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,745
- [snickering]
369
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,148
Dumbass.
370
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,451
- Welcome
to our abstinence circle.
371
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,920
Audrey, can you introduce us
to your new friends?
372
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,256
- Pastor Travis,
Bobby and Broderick are
373
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,259
excited to hear
about sexual abstinence.
374
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,261
- Excited to hear it,
excited to do it.
375
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,728
- Yeah, yeah.
- [chuckles]
376
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,864
- Yeah, sexual abbisance.
Yeah.
377
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,700
Boi-oi-oi-oing.
[snickers]
378
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,170
- Yeah, yeah. Cool.
379
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,772
See, the culture and the media
can give you a lot of BS
380
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,440
about sex, right?
381
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,376
But in here, we keep it real.
382
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,778
- Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
- [chuckles]
383
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,280
- I want it real.
- Yeah.
384
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,882
- Right now.
- Right on, right on.
385
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,118
Well, why don't we hear it
from you peers?
386
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,886
Who's ready to do a share?
387
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,321
- I'll go.
388
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,856
I was a little scared
of abstinence at first.
389
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,225
I wasn't sure I could do it.
390
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,527
- We're here to support you.
[chuckles]
391
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,795
- Aw, thanks.
392
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,830
But now, I feel
filled up with joy.
393
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,332
- Yeah, yeah.
394
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,167
- Yeah. [chuckles]
- Yeah, filled.
395
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,003
- Joy.
[both chuckle]
396
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,238
- Yeah. Thanks to abstinence,
397
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,774
now I can really get
to know people deep down.
398
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,343
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, yeah, deep down.
399
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,545
Yeah. [chuckles]
- And the best part is
400
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,913
you're not alone.
401
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,915
We're doing it with you.
402
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,550
- That's the point, dumbass.
403
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,485
- All of us together.
404
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,487
- Yeah, yeah.
All of us, yeah, yeah.
405
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,223
Except him, yeah. [chuckles]
406
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,758
All at the same time, yeah.
[chuckles]
407
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,327
- Sounds pretty good, huh?
408
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,130
So what'll it be?
Are you ready?
409
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,633
Ready to get on top of all
those sexual urges and desires
410
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,401
and really feel fulfilled?
411
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,603
- Can we do it right now, sir?
- Yeah, yeah.
412
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105
Yeah, right now. Yeah!
413
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,441
- You can choose abstinence
right now.
414
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,608
- Yes!
415
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,643
- Uh...
- What are we waiting for?
416
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:17,944
- Bro...
- Yeah, yeah. Let's do
417
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,412
some sexual abbisance.
- Whoa, relax, bro.
418
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,348
- Excuse me?
- Yeah, let's all get naked.
419
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,550
- Get off the chair, bro.
- Aah!
420
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,186
- Oh, dear.
421
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,724
[mystical music]
422
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:34,161
- Wow, where am I?
423
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,463
Is this part of scoring?
424
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:37,930
Am I dead?
425
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,766
What's going on?
426
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,701
Give me an answer, somebody.
427
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,403
Somebody, please.
428
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,405
[bell chimes]
429
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,741
- The answer lies
in an apostolic exhortation
430
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:53,880
from Pope John Paul
called Perfectae Caritatis.
431
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,615
[bell chimes]
432
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,585
- Did I mention that Tony Stark
had to invent an arc reactor?
433
00:16:58,651 --> 00:16:59,952
- Yeah, you said that already.
434
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,721
[bell chimes]
435
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,623
- With respect, Rabbi,
I'd already invented
436
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,957
the arc reactor.
437
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,126
What I did in Afghanistan was
engineer it
438
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,794
into a smaller form factor.
439
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,162
- You're splitting hairs.
440
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,397
- Damn it, enough. [chuckles]
441
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,467
Can somebody please tell me
what's going on?
442
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,069
Am I scoring right now?
[chuckles]
443
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,671
Or did I just score?
444
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:19,939
- No.
445
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,775
[bell chimes]
446
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,578
You are not scoring, my child.
447
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,314
You will never score.
448
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,416
- Assuredly not, no.
- Wow, Jesus makes
449
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,284
a good point.
- Yeah, he'll never score.
450
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,121
- [grunts]
451
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,289
Yeah, that sucks. [grunts]
452
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,559
- [laughs]
Just get that from you.
453
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:40,927
[chuckles]
454
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:43,029
[crunching] Still fresh.
455
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,564
[chuckles]
456
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,037
[lounge music]
457
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:55,508
- Ew, look at that.
That's disgusting.
458
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:59,846
Who would do that? [chuckles]
Who would eat a salad?
459
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,981
[chuckles]
460
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,916
- Yeah, I would never do that.
Yeah. [chuckles]
461
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:07,954
- Uh, what kind of lizard,
dragon thing is this anyway?
462
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,456
[chuckles]
463
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,358
- It's a white-throated
monitor lizard, Butt-Head.
464
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,525
[chuckles]
465
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,629
- Uh, what? [chuckles]
466
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,898
- It's a white-throated
monitor lizard.
467
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,733
Yeah. [chuckles]
468
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,535
- How do you know, Beavis?
469
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,304
- [chuckles] I don't know.
470
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,605
I like lizards.
471
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,039
Yeah, yeah, it's, like, um--
472
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,008
like, one of my passions.
473
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:29,876
You know, like, um,
474
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,278
spanking my monkey.
475
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,045
You know, and, um--
and fire, of course.
476
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,947
And, um--[chuckles]
And lizards.
477
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,816
Yeah. [chuckles]
Yep.
478
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:40,553
- [chuckles] Passion.
479
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,888
- You know
what really pisses me off?
480
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,091
How come this lizard gets
to have dinner
481
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,126
with a hot chick and she,
like, feeds him
482
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,263
and wipes his mouth
and takes care of him,
483
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:54,133
and I never get to have dinner
with any chick at all?
484
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,635
It's not fair. [chuckles]
485
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,170
- That's 'cause this lizard is
486
00:18:57,237 --> 00:19:00,039
better-looking than you,
Beavis. [chuckles]
487
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,608
And he's smoother.
488
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,876
He's like, "Hey, baby,
489
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,078
"you know,
I don't normally do this,
490
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,880
"but I feel such a strong
connection with you.
491
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,182
"I was thinking
maybe we would go
492
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,418
"back to my terrarium
and find out
493
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,619
if I have a schlong."
494
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,120
[both chuckle]
495
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,855
"And then maybe we can
go eat some crickets."
496
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,190
[chuckles]
- No, no, Butt-Head. No.
497
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,392
You're thinking
of the ridge-tailed monitor.
498
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,960
That doesn't work. [chuckles]
499
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,429
- Damn it, Beavis,
you threw me off.
500
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,930
[chuckles]
501
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,865
- If you want to be wrong,
that's fine. [chuckles]
502
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,067
- Beavis, I'm gonna smack you
upside the head.
503
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,336
[chuckles]
504
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:30,903
- Yeah, you can smack me
upside the head,
505
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,839
but white-throated monitors
do not eat crickets.
506
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,208
It makes them sick. [chuckles]
507
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,343
It's only the ridge-tailed
508
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,578
and maybe sometimes
a Nile mon--aah!
509
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,080
- Dumbass.
- [chuckles]
510
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,050
[crunching]
511
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,786
- Well, Butt-Head, um--
[chuckles]
512
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,456
I guess Iron Man really
doesn't want us to score.
513
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,057
[chuckles]
514
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,826
- It's just not our time,
Beavis.
515
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,328
I think Audrey said
that we have to wait
516
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,298
until we're, like, the last man
on Earth or something.
517
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,132
[chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles]
518
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,568
Yeah, well, you know,
519
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,102
I'll just wait
for another sign then.
520
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,103
[chuckles]
521
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,139
[ominous music]
522
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,108
Whoa, Butt-Head, check it out!
It's a--[chuckles]
523
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,478
Eh...
524
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,680
Eh, just ignore it.
[chuckles]
525
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,985
I'll be damned. [chuckles]
526
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,391
[rock music]
527
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:31,063
* *
528
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:47,780
- Chirp.
35939
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