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1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,737
- * MTV *
2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,776
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,779
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:18,986
* *
5
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,995
- [gibberish]
6
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,498
Bow down before
the almighty bunghole!
7
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,501
[gibberish]
8
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,970
I am Cornholio.
9
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,339
I need TP for my bung--
aah!
10
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,973
- Put your hands
behind your back.
11
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,609
- Are you threatening me?
- Stop resisting.
12
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,277
- Throw the book at him, sirs.
13
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,012
[can hisses]
14
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,514
Take him to jail.
15
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,582
He's a weirdo,
and no one likes him anyway.
16
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,918
- You must release
the almighty bunghole.
17
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,553
You will unhand
the mighty bunghole.
18
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,987
- [laughs]
- I will resist!
19
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,823
I will resist! Unhand me!
20
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,158
Ah, ah!
- Stop spitting.
21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,227
- You must release me now!
- Hey, no biting!
22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,561
- Ah!
23
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,763
You will not restrain
the almighty bunghole.
24
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,534
[grunting] Aah!
25
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,736
- Today we're going
to be talking
26
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:13,006
about William Shakespeare's
inspiring play about love,
27
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,343
"Romeo and Juliet,"
28
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,479
who were teenagers,
just like you.
29
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,948
- Yeah, yeah.
That's interesting, yeah.
30
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,483
Mm-hmm, yep. Mm-hmm.
31
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,051
Yeah, yeah.
32
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,686
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,521
[laughs] Yeah.
34
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,325
Hey, Butt-Head.
35
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,194
Hey, Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
wake up.
36
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,196
- [groans]
Damn it, Beavis.
37
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:38,166
I told you to never wake me up.
38
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,533
This better be good.
39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,934
- Butt-Head,
that chick just looked at me.
40
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,271
[grunts]
41
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,973
Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
she's doing it again.
42
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,908
- Uh, she's probably, like,
43
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,611
never seen a dumbass weirdo
before,
44
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,714
so she wants to, like, check
one out in person.
45
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,115
[laughs]
- No, no, that's not it.
46
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,185
She's seen me before, yeah.
47
00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:01,054
- Can everyone
please focus, mm-kay?
48
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:05,693
They're kind of
in the 1% of Verona.
49
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,995
They're also...
50
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,198
- Whoa, it's a note.
51
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,600
- Hm, lemme see that, Beavis.
52
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,834
Let's see here.
53
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,236
Hm. [laughs]
54
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,637
- Yeah, what's it say?
55
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,107
- Uh, it says I,
56
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,611
and then she drew,
like, a butt.
57
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,246
[laughs]
58
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:29,082
Uh, and I think this is,
like, the bottom of a foot.
59
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,952
Boy, she doesn't draw
very good.
60
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:36,357
So it says,
"I kick you in the ass."
61
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:37,458
[laughs]
62
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,827
She's gonna kick
your ass, Beavis.
63
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,196
[laughs]
- Wait a minute.
64
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,432
She's gonna kick my ass?
Really?
65
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,868
- She couldn't have said it
any simpler, Beavis.
66
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,304
- Do you think
she can kick my ass?
67
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,306
- She sure can, Beavis.
68
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,942
She's a weirdo just like you.
[laughs]
69
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,878
She's got weirdo strength.
70
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,847
- Oh, no.
71
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,451
- Beavis and Butt-Head,
what is going on back there?
72
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:07,688
- Uh, Beavis is having one
of his outbursts again.
73
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,457
Time to call the police.
74
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,791
- [sighs]
75
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,527
Okay, I'm going
to have to separate you two,
76
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,928
mm-kay?
77
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:19,533
Beavis, can you trade seats
with Hector, please?
78
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,003
- Go ahead, Beavis.
Sit in Hector's seat.
79
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,240
- Oh, boy. [chuckles]
80
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,443
[soft music]
81
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,445
* *
82
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,781
- Hi, Beavis.
83
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,182
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
84
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,218
How's it goin'?
85
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,853
- Kick his ass.
86
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,122
[chuckles]
87
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,129
- But what makes
"Romeo and Juliet" so universal
88
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,766
is the Bard's portrayal
of love's excitement
89
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,336
and dangers, mm-kay?
90
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,070
- My name's Glennis.
91
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,340
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
92
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,276
How's it going there, Glennis?
93
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,645
- [softly]
I saw you in the cafeteria.
94
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,380
Everyone thinks you're weird.
95
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,248
They think I'm weird too.
96
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,285
Yeah, yeah. [laughs]
97
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,120
- Check it out.
98
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,522
Do you like it?
99
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,890
- Um, what's it say?
100
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,026
- Metallica.
It's on your T-shirt.
101
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,128
- Um, oh, no, no.
102
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,664
No, I think it says, um,
"medium" or something.
103
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,367
[laughs]
Yeah, medium, yeah.
104
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,436
They're almost the same shape
though, you know,
105
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,170
so you were close, you know?
106
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:33,607
Good job.
- Okay, everyone, please focus.
107
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,744
And since
you two star-crossed students
108
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,446
seem to be so interested,
109
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,549
perhaps you can share with us
something about love.
110
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:46,587
Glennis, can you name something
or someone you love?
111
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,757
- Um, there is someone.
112
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,925
But I'd rather not say.
113
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,094
- Mm-kay, that's fine.
114
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,596
And you, Beavis?
115
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,865
Do you have a great love
in your life?
116
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:01,335
- Um, yeah, I don't really have
feelings and stuff.
117
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,603
- Come on, Beavis.
118
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,872
There must be someone
or something
119
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,841
that you feel
deeply passionate about.
120
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,242
- Well, yeah, um,
121
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,911
yeah,
now that you mentioned it,
122
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,313
there kind of is actually,
you know?
123
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,215
Like, I have a love
124
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,117
that I can't stop
thinking about.
125
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,187
And, um, and it gives me
a special feeling, you know?
126
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:23,090
But I never told
anyone about it
127
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,726
'cause I was afraid
they won't understand.
128
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,027
Yeah. [laughs]
129
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,262
- Tell us who it is, Beavis.
130
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,665
Be brave like Juliet.
131
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,001
- Um, okay.
132
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,670
Okay, yeah, yeah. I will, yeah.
133
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,539
I will tell you, yeah.
134
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:39,840
Here it goes. Yeah.
135
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,109
Um, it's fire!
136
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,144
Yeah, fire!
137
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,479
Fire! [chuckles]
138
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,481
I love fire.
139
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,451
[both laugh]
140
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,421
- That kid is weird.
141
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,888
- Diana has in store
for Denzel,
142
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,124
but he did not come to play.
143
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,493
- "But he did not come
to play."
144
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,894
[laughs]
145
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,229
- Boy, he sucks.
146
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,164
[laughs]
- What is this anyway?
147
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,067
- This is that show
where they take a couple,
148
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,537
and then, like, they have 'em
give each other tattoos,
149
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,406
but they can't see it until
they're all done or something.
150
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,574
- Oh, my God!
151
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,775
- Another fine offering
152
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,444
from the good people at MTV.
153
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,645
[both laugh]
154
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,514
- Yeah, okay.
155
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,616
Yeah, let's see what he got,
yeah.
156
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,184
[dramatic music]
157
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,185
both: Three!
158
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,521
- Oh, my God.
both: Two.
159
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,222
- [sighs]
- One.
160
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:32,192
- I thought seconds
were faster than that.
161
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:33,961
- Not when you're watching
this show.
162
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,597
- [laughs]
- [chortles]
163
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,799
- Nah.
164
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,534
- Uh...
- What's that supposed to mean?
165
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,102
- Diarrhea?
166
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,204
- Whoa.
[chuckles]
167
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:47,107
It doesn't really look like
diarrhea though, you know?
168
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,142
Doesn't usually come
in a ball like that, you know?
169
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,879
I mean, I'm not doctor
or anything, you know?
170
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,346
Just a fan, you know?
171
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,615
[laughs]
172
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,117
- Uh, wait a minute.
173
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,652
I think that's her name.
174
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,187
[both laugh]
175
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,722
- You know, it's not a bad name
really, you know?
176
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,692
Um, because diarrhea just
kind of flows off the tongue,
177
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,926
you know? [laughs]
178
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,462
Diarrhea Jones, yeah.
179
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:11,064
- Uh, it doesn't flow off
the tongue, Beavis.
180
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,967
[chuckles]
It flows out of your butt.
181
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,504
- You came in dirty as [bleep].
- [laughs]
182
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:21,308
Uh, okay, let's see
what he had tattooed on her.
183
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,245
- I bet this is gonna be good,
yeah.
184
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:29,449
- Uh, I think this also says
"Diarrhea."
185
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,284
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
186
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,254
Yeah, with a picture
of some diarrhea too, yeah.
187
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:38,025
See, now that looks like
diarrhea, yeah.
188
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:42,029
- Uh, so I guess they're both
named Diarrhea.
189
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,731
Well, that makes it easier.
190
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,232
[both laugh]
191
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,800
- [giggles]
192
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,136
- He's like, "Diarrhea,
193
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:52,405
will you make me the luckiest
man in the world?"
194
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,808
- [laughing] I wanna have you
forever, Diarrhea.
195
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,244
[chuckling]
- Yes, yes!
196
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,979
- And then
when they get married,
197
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,280
the priest is gonna be like,
198
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,883
"Diarrhea,
do you take this man,
199
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,485
who I think's name
is also Diarrhea,
200
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,521
to be
your lawfully wedded husband,
201
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,056
for richer or poorer,
202
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,725
through sickness and, uh--
203
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,194
I guess just through sickness?
[laughs]
204
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,996
- Through diarrhea and health.
205
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,464
[both laugh]
206
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,233
- They're honeymoon's
gonna be in the toilet.
207
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,069
[laughs]
208
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,905
- I do-doo.
[chortles]
209
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,775
- They're so cute! Aw.
210
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,477
- This is what the bottom
of the barrel looks like.
211
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,446
[both laugh]
212
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,949
- Oh, my God.
213
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,718
- So, um, so what happens
214
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,186
at the end
of "Romeo and Juliet"?
215
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,021
- Damn it, Beavis,
you better not be talking
216
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,489
about a play.
217
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,825
- Sorry, sorry about that.
[police siren wailing]
218
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,827
- Uh, whoa.
219
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,428
What's going on?
220
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,064
- You know that weird girl
in Van Driessen's class?
221
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,533
She burned down
the honors trailer.
222
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,235
- Whoa, there she is.
223
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,439
- [exhales]
224
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,009
- Whoa, she's writing
something, Butt-Head.
225
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,076
It's a line.
226
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,479
- Uh, that means "I."
227
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,115
- And then
there's a butt again.
228
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,550
And, um,
and that looks like, um,
229
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,352
like some kind of face
or something.
230
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,522
[laughs]
- Uh, it's a head.
231
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,824
- Butt-Head.
232
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,358
That's me. [laughs]
233
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,628
- Oh, do you think
that means she wants you?
234
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,462
- Probably.
235
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,131
Maybe if she had actually
kicked your ass
236
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,398
I'd have noticed her more.
237
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,700
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
238
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,435
You know, it's too bad
she's going to jail
239
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,838
because you probably could have
scored with her.
240
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,473
- Yeah, but who cares?
241
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,542
Lots of chicks wanna score
with me.
242
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,978
It's because I'm not a weirdo
like you, Beavis.
243
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,113
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
244
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,650
But, um, but if all
these chicks like you,
245
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,217
how come you've never scored?
246
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,887
[laughs]
- It is a mystery, Beavis.
247
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,622
Nobody knows.
248
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,057
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
249
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,558
Yeah, right, yeah. [laughs]
250
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,726
[engine turning over]
251
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,061
[siren wailing]
252
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,529
- She wanted my schlong.
253
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,432
[both laugh]
254
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,503
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
255
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,377
[rock music]
256
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,346
* *
257
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,818
- Welcome to the West Texas
Nature Preserve, mm-kay?
258
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:20,854
So before we get started,
interesting fact:
259
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,890
We're just
a few hundred feet away
260
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,658
from the New Mexico border,
261
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:27,494
which is in the Mountain
Time Zone.
262
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,462
So if you go up the road
just a bit,
263
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,131
it's an hour earlier.
264
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,666
- Whoa.
265
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,668
- So we can, like,
travel through time?
266
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,870
- Well, no.
That's not how it works.
267
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,406
It's just
a different time zone.
268
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,640
- Whoa.
269
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,275
Did you hear that, Beavis?
270
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,012
He said we can travel
to future time zones.
271
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,179
- Cool, yeah, yeah.
[both laugh]
272
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,447
Let's go.
273
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,216
- Now,
if you keep your eyes peeled,
274
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,618
you can see up to two kinds
of cactus.
275
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,253
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
276
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,259
Well, Beavis,
on the other side of that sign
277
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,328
lies an hour in the future.
278
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,130
Whoa.
- [laughs]
279
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,565
- A place few people
will ever go.
280
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,075
Well, here we are.
281
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,643
- Cool.
282
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,279
It feels advanced or something.
283
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,615
So, um, so what do you wanna do
here in the future?
284
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,053
- Uh, let's go in there
and get a hot dog.
285
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,722
[laughs]
- Um, I'm not hungry yet.
286
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,524
- Uh, then let's go another
hour in the future
287
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:32,793
when it's lunchtime.
288
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,228
- Oh, yeah. Good idea, yeah.
289
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,065
This is cool.
- Just go around here.
290
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,599
- It's gonna be cool.
[laughs]
291
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,801
- There we go.
292
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,935
- Yeah, that's better.
293
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,570
Yeah, now I'm starving.
294
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,806
I think.
295
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,674
- This hot dog is full
of things not known
296
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,009
to our time.
297
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,144
- [chuckles]
298
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,212
Oh, damn it.
299
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,513
- Don't worry, Beavis.
300
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,615
We can just, like,
go back in time an hour
301
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,417
to before it got the germs
on it.
302
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,486
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, cool.
303
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,653
[chortles]
304
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,791
[both laugh]
305
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,893
- There we go.
306
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,161
- It's amazing no one else
has thought of this.
307
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,563
- Most people are stupid,
Beavis.
308
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,633
It's a fact.
- Yeah, yeah.
309
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,102
Yeah, that's better.
310
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,837
No germs.
311
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,939
- Hey, you gotta pay for those.
312
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:21,041
- Uh, sir, don't worry.
313
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,010
In the future,
we will get some money,
314
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,577
and then we will go back
in time
315
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,313
and pay for this an hour ago.
316
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,748
Remember? [laughs]
317
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,484
- Ow! [grunts]
- Damn it.
318
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,920
Boy, for a guy in the future,
319
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,721
he doesn't understand
time travel.
320
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,923
- Yeah, yeah.
321
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,324
Yeah, I thought people
in the future
322
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,026
were supposed to be smart.
323
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,961
Jesus.
324
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,330
[Jacob Sartorius' "Chapstick"]
325
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:47,134
- * I wore that hoodie
to school this morning *
326
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,535
- [laughs]
327
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,070
- White people.
328
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,905
[chuckles]
329
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,074
- This is like a boy band,
330
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,709
but with just one person,
yeah.
331
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,147
- Yeah,
and he actually is a boy.
332
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,449
- Yeah, he looks like he's 11.
333
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,684
[both laugh]
334
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:05,685
Yeah, check this out,
Butt-Head.
335
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,187
[laughs] Yeah.
336
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,089
Yeah, I mean, yeah, this kid,
he's young, you know?
337
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,257
You know, and he says like, uh,
338
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,192
"Hey, you wanna come back
to my crib?"
339
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,928
He means an actual crib,
you know what I'm saying?
340
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,663
He's young, you know?
341
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,031
- [laughs]
342
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,900
You're in rare form today,
Beavis.
343
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,469
- Yeah, I mean, I don't wanna
say he's young, but, uh,
344
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,204
you know, this chick thinks
he's got wood,
345
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,606
but it's just
his diaper's full, you know?
346
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,808
And he's young,
this kid, you know?
347
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:32,312
Hey-yo!
[both laugh]
348
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:35,883
- * Nothing between us
but Chapstick *
349
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:39,619
- Uh, isn't it, like,
illegal for a girl her age
350
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,754
to be with a kid his age?
351
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,491
[chortles]
- Yeah, yeah, really.
352
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,794
He's a victim.
[laughs]
353
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,063
- [chuckles]
354
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,365
- He's wearing headphones,
so he doesn't have to listen
355
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,801
to this crap.
356
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:55,869
- Yeah,
they should let us listen
357
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,804
to whatever he's listening to.
358
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,406
- They're playing Mozart
359
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,674
to help
with his brain development.
360
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,878
[both laugh]
361
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,248
- Yeah, it's not working.
362
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:11,151
- * Between us but Chapstick *
363
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,653
- "Nothing between us
but Chapstick,"
364
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,722
what's that even mean?
365
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,024
- Well,
I'll tell you one thing
366
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,727
that's not between 'em,
pubic hair.
367
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,030
[both laugh]
368
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,798
- Uh, come on, Butt-Head.
That's kind of mean.
369
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,668
- Uh, I don't care.
370
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,003
He's rich,
371
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,771
and he gets
to score when he's 11.
372
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,073
[chuckles]
373
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,507
He'll be just fine.
374
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,744
[laughs]
375
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:41,581
Uh, let's go to the future
and see if future chicks have,
376
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:45,919
like, loosened up any
about wanting to score.
377
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,357
- Um, I'm gonna go backwards,
378
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,993
so I don't go too far
into the future.
379
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,096
I don't wanna get, like,
eaten by a robot or something.
380
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,765
- Uh, good thinking, Beavis.
381
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,867
- Aah, aah!
- [laughs]
382
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,970
- Uh, damn it.
383
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,304
I think I broke my arm,
Butt-Head.
384
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,405
[cracks] Ow.
385
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,274
- Nothing to worry about,
Beavis.
386
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,010
Let's just go back an hour
to before you broke it.
387
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,545
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Ow.
388
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,716
Yeah, I think it feels better
or something.
389
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,451
Yeah. [laughs]
390
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:19,886
Ow.
391
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:23,523
- Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
Future chicks.
392
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,525
- I can drive until we get
to Midland if you want.
393
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,594
- Uh, hey, future baby.
394
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,129
[laughs]
[arm cracks]
395
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,698
- We're from,
like, a bygone era.
396
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,233
- We would like
to score with you.
397
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,801
- [laughs]
- In the future.
398
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,170
- Oh, my God,
what happened to your arm?
399
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,306
- Oh, um,
I'm gonna break it later.
400
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:40,473
Yeah.
401
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,076
It's really gonna hurt
in an hour.
402
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,412
Whoa, I gotta sit down here.
403
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,680
- Damn it, Beavis.
You're messing up my game.
404
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,183
Let's go back in time an hour
and do this again.
405
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,918
And don't screw it up
this time.
406
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,021
- Okay, okay, yeah.
407
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:59,092
- Now this time let me do all
the talking, dumbass.
408
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,394
- Hey, thanks for the coffee,
hon.
409
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,233
- Now what do we do, Butt-Head?
410
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,035
It's like we went too far back
in time
411
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,969
to when they had boyfriends
or something.
412
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,172
- Beavis, mark my words:
413
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,341
we will travel through time
until we find the part
414
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,409
of human history
where we can score.
415
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,211
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
416
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,447
[laughs]
Boi-oi-oi--ahh!
417
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,053
- We just have to keep going
back in time
418
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,255
until before those chicks met
their boyfriends.
419
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,092
[laughs]
- Um, okay, yeah.
420
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:35,195
Um, think we're there yet?
421
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,098
- Uh, probably. [laughs]
422
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:42,102
Just a little further
to make sure.
423
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,272
- I just wanna be careful
not to go too far back
424
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,241
to, like,
before they were born.
425
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,144
- I'm gonna go back in time
to before you were born
426
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,612
and do your mom.
427
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,746
- That's not funny, Butt-Head.
428
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,415
Come on. Don't do that.
429
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,251
- [laughs]
- I'm gonna be your dad.
430
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,452
- Yeah, shut up!
431
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,653
Come back here!
432
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,255
I'm gonna kick your ass!
433
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,424
- Run along, little Beavis.
434
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,859
Your mother and I need
some alone time.
435
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,895
- Stop going back in time,
butthole!
436
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,097
Come here!
437
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,432
Whoa. I'm getting dizzy.
438
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,134
- Must be the time travel.
439
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,635
- I'm gonna kick your ass.
440
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,604
Quit moving around in circles.
441
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,406
Son of a bitch.
- [grunts]
442
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,309
- Ow, ow, ow, my arm! Ahh, ahh!
443
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,645
- Uh, damn it.
- [chuckles]
444
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:29,082
Um, uh, Butt-Head?
445
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,417
Where are we?
446
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,551
Where's that sign?
447
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,354
- Uh, it's gone.
448
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,988
[laughs]
449
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:40,593
Beavis,
we're trapped in the past.
450
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,295
- Oh, boy. [laughs]
451
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,098
[light music]
452
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,200
Oh, cool, yeah.
453
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,202
Yeah, Shark Week kicks ass.
454
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,270
[laughs]
455
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:51,538
- It sure does.
456
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,940
[laughs]
457
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,642
- You know what
I always wondered?
458
00:17:55,708 --> 00:18:00,079
Where is the shark's butt,
you know?
459
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,150
You just don't see anything
back there, you know?
460
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,518
- Well, I'm glad you asked,
Beavis.
461
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,654
The bull shark
doesn't have a butt.
462
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,756
It has an anus,
463
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,426
which is located
in the sub-schlongal region.
464
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,662
[laughs]
465
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,398
Just near
the testicular mesiphries.
466
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,533
[chuckles]
467
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,068
- Oh, wow.
468
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,937
Wow, that's interesting,
Butt-Head.
469
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,873
How do you know so much
about sharks?
470
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:30,577
- Uh, sometimes
when I'm watching Shark Week,
471
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:34,147
I, like,
pay attention and stuff.
472
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,384
Like, did you know at one time
75% of the Earth's surface
473
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,818
was covered with sharks?
474
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:41,654
- Whoa, really?
Yeah, I don't know.
475
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,723
That seems like a lot,
Butt-Head.
476
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,192
- It's true, Beavis.
477
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,361
And if they ever stop swimming,
they score.
478
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,497
[laughs]
- Really?
479
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,233
I mean,
why do they swim at all?
480
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,067
- It is a mystery, Beavis.
481
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,636
We don't know.
482
00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:01,574
Also, a shark can go
like six months without water.
483
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,410
- That's amazing.
484
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,245
You know what I don't
understand is, um,
485
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,314
they always have, like,
those little fish
486
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,249
that are, like, following 'em
around, you know?
487
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:12,185
Like, right on their wings
or whatever.
488
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:15,154
- Their scientific name
is the Beavis Fish.
489
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,889
[laughs]
490
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,426
Also known as the Wuss Fish.
491
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,927
Much like the Land Beavis,
492
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,430
it follows around someone
much cooler than itself.
493
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,597
[laughs]
494
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,767
- Shut up, Butt-Head! Come on.
495
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,503
- This fish has another thing
in common with you, Beavis.
496
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:35,575
The Beavis Fish's mom is known
as the notorious Slut Fish.
497
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,910
- Come on, Butt-Head. Come on.
498
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,847
- It has done it
with whales, octopuses,
499
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:45,252
penguins, drowning dudes,
the bottom of a boat,
500
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,519
you name it.
501
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,821
If it swims, she'll do it.
502
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,023
- Come on, Butt-Head.
That's enough.
503
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,694
- Uh, okay, just one more.
[chuckles]
504
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,763
- No, Butt-Head. Come on.
505
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,365
You're gonna thank me, Beavis.
506
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,699
It's a good one.
507
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,800
- Okay, okay, okay.
508
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,202
One more and that's all.
509
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,706
- She turned the coral reef
into the oral reef.
510
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,909
[both laugh]
511
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:11,944
- Yeah, yeah.
512
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:14,146
I guess you were right,
Butt-Head.
513
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,548
[both laugh]
514
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:18,084
- Oral reef. [laughs]
515
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,655
So, like, um, where's the bus?
516
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,458
- I think the bus
hasn't been invented yet.
517
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,226
[both laugh]
- Damn it.
518
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:28,495
That sucks.
519
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,862
How are we gonna get home?
520
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,332
- Our home is gone, dumbass.
521
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,201
I think we went back
like a hundred years
522
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:36,936
to caveman times.
523
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:41,173
- Yeah, well, um, let's go find
a cave to live in.
524
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,009
Maybe one that has a TV
or something.
525
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,110
[laughs]
526
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,113
- I'm gonna score
with a gorilla.
527
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,350
- And I'm gonna invent fire,
yeah.
528
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,785
- I'm gonna score
with that long-time-ago chick
529
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,654
with the leaf on her thingy.
530
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:57,156
- Um, can I score
with the gorilla then?
531
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:58,157
[laughs]
532
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,460
- Uh, no.
533
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:02,595
I get both.
534
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,864
- Damn it. That sucks.
535
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,866
- I know it's late,
536
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:10,837
but we can't leave
until everyone is on the bus.
537
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:14,106
Has anyone seen Beavis
and Butt-Head?
538
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,710
No one has seen Beavis
and Butt-Head?
539
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,314
Not one person?
540
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,416
Come on, guys. Think.
541
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:27,320
Not one person's seen
Beavis and Butt-Head?
542
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,390
[rock music]
543
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:37,296
* *
544
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,313
- Chirp.
34684
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