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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:06,640
- * MTV *
2
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,842
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,845
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:19,019
* *
5
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,792
[tranquil music]
6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,994
[ethereal shimmering]
7
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:30,631
- Greetings, lowly mortals.
I am Smart Butt-Head.
8
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,232
- And I am Smart Beavis.
9
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,435
- We speak to you
from our newest purchase,
10
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,670
a beachfront property
on your moon,
11
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,173
which we bought
from a hot single in our area.
12
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:45,313
- Um, Smart Butt-Head,
I do not see the beach.
13
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,281
- Hm.
[device chimes]
14
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:50,718
And Melody1998 is not answering
her communicator.
15
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,286
This is displeasing.
16
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,723
- Hm, yes, yes,
perhaps she is too lonely.
17
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,992
In the meantime, let us
turn our eyes upon the Earth
18
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,495
and the most fascinating
of all realities,
19
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,565
the alternate universe
in which Beavis and Butt-Head
20
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,334
are in middle age.
21
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,569
- Your puny brains
cannot possibly understand
22
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,105
what you are about to see,
but do your best
23
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,574
while we search for Melody1998.
24
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,909
- Yes, yes, and the beach
on the moon, yes.
25
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:20,114
* *
26
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,718
- Um, Butt-Head, this couch
has a spring sticking out
27
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:29,089
right next to my bunghole.
- Uh, I don't care.
28
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,358
[chuckles]
- Okay, yeah.
29
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,860
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
[chuckles]
30
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:37,997
- Ugh, boy,
this beer is good today.
31
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,634
Likes me some beer.
32
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,902
- [chuckles]
Over here.
33
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,372
[chuckles]
34
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,240
Ah, that's what
I'm talking about.
35
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,941
Yeah.
[chuckles]
36
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,944
[chuckles]
37
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,713
- What the hell do you think
you're doing, Beavis?
38
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,815
- I'm gonna sit here
from now on, Butt-Head.
39
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,218
[chuckles]
- The hell you say?
40
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,587
- Yes, I am.
You go sit on the spring side.
41
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,555
Your butt's so big,
you won't even notice.
42
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,090
[chuckles]
43
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,559
- Okay, Beavis, I'll just wait
for you to go take a whiz,
44
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,528
and then I'll take it back,
dumbass.
45
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,829
[chuckles]
46
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,399
- Nope, I'm not gonna
take a whiz, never.
47
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,401
[chuckles]
48
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,173
Never gonna whiz.
[chuckles]
49
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,346
- Have another beer, Beavis.
- Don't mind if I do.
50
00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:27,248
[chuckles]
51
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:31,084
Because I'm never gonna pee.
[chuckles]
52
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:36,624
[grumbling]
Ah.
53
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,827
- Good morning, Beavis.
How's your bladder?
54
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,462
- [grunts]
55
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:44,632
Never felt better, yep.
Just fine.
56
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,099
[chuckles]
57
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,869
[shivering and grumbling]
58
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:53,073
- Look at the waterfall,
Beavis, gently pouring down
59
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,075
like pee
coming out of a wiener.
60
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,845
- [shivering and grumbling]
- [sighs]
61
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,348
Just let it go.
- Ugh, ugh.
62
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,283
- [chuckles]
- Damn it.
63
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:06,720
Don't need to take a whiz.
Nope, no thank you.
64
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,155
[chuckles]
65
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,225
Hm, mm, yeah, hm, mm.
66
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:15,896
- Beavis, it's been two days.
I've peed 31 times.
67
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,331
- Yeah, well,
I tricked you, butthole!
68
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,100
I will never have to pee
because when you were asleep,
69
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:23,003
I put a chip clip on my wiener!
[chuckles]
70
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,305
Yeah, I win!
71
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,440
I finally beat you
at something, yeah!
72
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,408
[guts pop]
73
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,877
[screams]
Ah, my kidneys!
74
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,712
[coughing]
[screams]
75
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,454
- Ah, that's better.
[chuckles]
76
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,058
- Both of this man's kidneys
popped like balloons.
77
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,627
I've never seen
anything like it.
78
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,796
If he doesn't get
a transplant immediately,
79
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:49,863
he'll die.
80
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,699
- [slurping]
81
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,635
Uh, okay.
[chuckles]
82
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,508
- What's your pain level
on a scale of one to ten?
83
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,777
- Ugh, oh...
84
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,079
69.
85
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,982
[both chuckle]
86
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,418
- That's very high.
87
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,919
If we can't find
a kidney donor match
88
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,288
for him soon, we're going
to have to send him to hospice.
89
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,589
- [groaning]
[coughs]
90
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,392
- Yes?
91
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,761
- You said piss.
[coughs]
92
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,863
- [chuckles]
- Oh, ah.
93
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,300
- That's right, buddy, I did.
Hang in there.
94
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,701
- Would you like to be tested
95
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,737
to see if you can donate
your kidney to your friend?
96
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,739
- Uh, no.
97
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,008
- We found a match.
98
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,909
There's only one
in the entire state,
99
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:40,548
and, by God, we found him.
- Is he willing to donate?
100
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,750
- He drove himself two hours
to get here,
101
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,686
and he says he wants to help
Mr. Beavis any way he can.
102
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,422
In fact, he says he knows
the both of you.
103
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:52,092
- Hey, guys, it's me Stewart.
Remember me?
104
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,428
- Uh, no.
105
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:57,631
- Stewart, your best buddy
from high school.
106
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,468
- Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
107
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,936
That sucks.
[chuckles]
108
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,372
- [laughs]
You guys.
109
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,540
The three amigos are back!
110
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,776
- Jesus Christ, Stewart,
not now.
111
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,378
I'm waiting for some guy
both of us know
112
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,779
to give me a kidney.
113
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,115
- No, this is your donor.
- [chuckles]
114
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,785
A part of Stewart
is going inside you.
115
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,520
[chuckles]
- Oh, no.
116
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,754
Oh.
117
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,159
- [laughs]
Oh, boy.
118
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,728
The three of us
used to have some fun together,
119
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,931
didn't we?
- Uh, no.
120
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,467
- You know, I was worried
about donating a kidney
121
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,236
'cause I'm still young,
and I've got the triplets,
122
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:39,973
but I'm gonna do it because
we were such good friends.
123
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,709
- [clears throat]
[coughs]
124
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:45,212
Um, we weren't friends.
[coughs weakly]
125
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,181
- Aww, you guys.
Nothing's changed.
126
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,651
Though I know if the situation
were reversed,
127
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,353
you'd do it for me.
- Wait, wait.
128
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,589
I don't have to do something
for you, do I?
129
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,558
- Well, no.
- Oh, good, good, good.
130
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,093
That's better.
[chuckles]
131
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,699
- Beavis, if this is
the last time I talk to you,
132
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,901
I want you to know...
133
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,638
I did your mom.
[chuckles]
134
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,272
- [grumbling]
Yeah, yeah.
135
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:16,610
Um, Butt-Head, I don't want
a part of Stewart in me.
136
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,513
Look at him.
What if I start to suck?
137
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,815
[chuckles]
I'm scared.
138
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,216
- Hey, um, you know what?
139
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,985
I'm beginning
to have second thoughts
140
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,754
about this whole--
- Okay, shh.
141
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,590
Count backwards from ten.
- Hey, hey, um, um--
142
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,091
[snores]
143
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,393
- And now you count backwards
from ten.
144
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:37,330
- Ten, um, eight or something,
145
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,268
five, I don't know, W.
146
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,937
I am the great Cornholio.
[chuckles]
147
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,474
TP.
Yes, yes, TP.
148
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,908
* *
149
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,276
[Tyler, The Creator's
"See You Again"]
150
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,578
- * You live
in my dream state *
151
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,680
- Um, is this
Tyler, The Creator?
152
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,682
[chuckles]
- Uh, yeah.
153
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,216
[chuckles]
154
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,784
- I mean,
he's cool and everything,
155
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,320
but, um, he kind of needs
a better name, you know?
156
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:01,889
[chuckles]
157
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,057
- If I was gonna be
one of these guys,
158
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,127
I'd be, like,
Butt-Head, The Scorer.
159
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,029
[both chuckling]
160
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,832
- I'd be Beavis, The Mutilator.
Yeah.
161
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,200
[chuckles]
162
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,803
- You'd be Beavis,
The Monkey Spanker.
163
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,205
[chuckles]
164
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,540
- I guess it has a nice ring
to it.
165
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,941
[chuckles]
166
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,843
It's not my first choice,
you know, but, uh...
167
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,278
- * Can I get a kiss? *
168
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,147
* And can you make it
last forever? *
169
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,317
- If I was stranded
on a lifeboat with that girl,
170
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:34,087
I'd be like, "Hey, baby,
you ever do it on a boat
171
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,557
with three dudes
in raincoats masturbating?"
172
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,593
[laughs]
173
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:43,296
- Yeah, make that four.
[giggles]
174
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,332
- Damn it, Beavis.
[chuckles]
175
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,467
You're messing up
my flow again.
176
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,402
- * Okay, okay, okay,
okay dokey *
177
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,472
- What country's army is this?
[chuckles]
178
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,341
- I think it's, like, Europe.
179
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,644
[chuckles]
180
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,613
Tyler, The Creator's
gonna overthrow America.
181
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,314
[chuckles]
182
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,551
- Yeah, I think he should
overthrow America, you know?
183
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:06,319
Because he's got a lot
of good ideas, you know,
184
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,956
and he's not like these
other politicians, you know?
185
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,924
He tells it like it is,
you know?
186
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,460
And he's concerned
about my tax dollars,
187
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,797
and he says all the things
that everyone else is afraid
188
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,532
to say, you know?
[chuckles]
189
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,769
- Whoa, he's stepping
on the army's heads.
190
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,936
- Yeah, yeah, exactly.
191
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,437
All these politicians,
192
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,339
they don't have the guts
to step on people's heads.
193
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:29,543
And all these fat cats
in Washington
194
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:33,681
and these companies
in bed with the corporations
195
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:36,850
and the councils
of representatives.
196
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,751
[chuckles]
197
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,087
He's in bed with chicks.
198
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,655
Yeah.
[chuckles]
199
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,123
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
200
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,293
He'll drain the swamp.
201
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,796
- Yeah, then he'll drain
the main vein.
202
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,497
[chuckles]
203
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,199
See, he's just like us.
204
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,968
He puts on a Charlie Brown
ghost outfit, you know?
205
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,237
And see,
now he's turning into bees,
206
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,471
you know?
Just like us.
207
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,707
[chuckles]
208
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,243
Like a working man do.
[chuckles]
209
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,779
- Uh, so you'd vote
for this guy?
210
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,480
- No, no, no.
211
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,983
No, I'm not gonna vote.
No, no.
212
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,285
It seems like a big hassle,
you know?
213
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,921
You know, I always say...
[chuckles]
214
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,789
"Don't blame me,
I didn't vote."
215
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,124
[chuckles]
216
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,860
- I don't know
why I was so worried.
217
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:23,396
The operation was a success,
and now we're not just friends.
218
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,399
We're blood brothers.
- This sucks.
219
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,402
- I think that's worth a little
dialysis here and there, huh?
220
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,238
I would toast
to the three amigos,
221
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,040
but Beavis and I
can't have alcohol
222
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,975
because of our kidney,
so Butt-head,
223
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,110
you'll have to have
an extra glass for us.
224
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,046
[chuckles
- Oh, God.
225
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,948
- Anyway,
after I left Highland,
226
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,116
I kind of bounced around
for, like, six years,
227
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,451
but now I'm doing great.
228
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,953
You are looking
at junior administrator
229
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,921
at Basco Mortgage.
You guys heard of it?
230
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,222
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
231
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,290
- Well, next time you want
to buy a house,
232
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,860
I can get you
half a point below prime.
233
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,027
[bottle pops]
234
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,328
I mean, I gotta ask
Mr. Basco first,
235
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,930
but he's cool.
He totally--
236
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,332
Uh, yeah, no.
No, no, no, no.
237
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,002
Amigo, oh, uh, hey,
you can't do that, Beavis.
238
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,837
The alcohol will mess up my--
hey, stop it.
239
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,639
That's my kidney in there.
240
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,807
- [sighs]
Yeah.
241
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,709
[guts pop]
Ow!
242
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,077
Finally.
[chuckles]
243
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,813
That kidney sucked.
[chuckles]
244
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,215
Well, here you go.
245
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,284
I don't need
this chip clip anymore.
246
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,618
[sighs]
247
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,021
- That was my kidney.
- Your organ blew up.
248
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,455
[both chuckling]
249
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,292
- Yeah.
- Uh, another bottle, sir.
250
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,860
The guy who sucks is paying.
251
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,528
- Yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
252
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,164
Hey, Stewart, do you know
anyone cool who has a kidney?
253
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:34,534
[rock music]
254
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,242
[rock music]
255
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,178
* *
256
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,413
[bell rings]
257
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,581
- Well, I hope
to see everyone tonight
258
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,150
at the school dance.
259
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,219
The Dance Committee
worked really hard
260
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,756
decorating the gym, okay?
261
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,825
- Hey, are you dorks
going to the dance?
262
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,527
- Uh, no.
[chuckles]
263
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,930
We're gonna drink beer
and kick some ass.
264
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,364
[chuckles]
265
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,100
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
drinking beer and kicking ass.
266
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,036
Yeah.
[chuckles]
267
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:15,042
Um, Butt-Head,
we don't have any beer.
268
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,780
We don't have any ass either.
269
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,581
- Go kick
that grasshopper's ass
270
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,216
while I figure out
how to get some beer.
271
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,451
[chuckles]
272
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,353
- Okay, um...
[chuckles]
273
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,955
Let's see, um...
274
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,891
which part is his ass?
Okay, here we go.
275
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:31,759
[grunts]
276
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:32,793
[grasshopper buzzing]
277
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,763
[screaming]
Butt-Head, help!
278
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:39,132
- You got some insect pests
in your lot there, do you?
279
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:43,236
- Uh, can you, like, shut up?
[chuckles]
280
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,873
Beavis is trying to kick
this bug's ass.
281
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,441
- Well, that's not
gonna get rid of 'em.
282
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:52,045
You need some pesticide.
Here, follow me.
283
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:55,615
Yeah, the American pesticides
don't work anymore
284
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:59,219
because of the goddamn
hippie environmentalists,
285
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,921
so I drove down to Mexico
286
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:04,157
and got some
good, old fashioned DDT.
287
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,894
It's getting so Mexico
is the only place
288
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,329
you can be an American anymore.
289
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:13,600
Yeah, just don't touch it now.
It's real poisonous.
290
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,170
- [chuckles]
What is that stuff?
291
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,239
- Uh, well, let's see.
292
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:24,878
That says something in Spanish.
Uh, and that's a fly.
293
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:28,248
Whoa, Spanish, fly.
294
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,884
This is Spanish fly.
295
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,586
- Um, and what's that?
[chuckles]
296
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,456
- That's, like,
a "after-disiac"
297
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,825
[chuckles]
298
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,592
It, like, makes people
who want to drink it
299
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,528
want to score.
[chuckles]
300
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,964
- Yeah,
but I already want to score.
301
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,165
[chuckles]
302
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,934
- So do I, Beavis,
but wouldn't it be
303
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,169
a better world if everyone
was like us?
304
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,403
[chuckles]
305
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,739
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
then everyone
306
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,574
would be scoring all the time.
307
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,043
Yeah.
[chuckles]
308
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:59,112
- Beavis, we could make
the world a better place.
309
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,515
[metal barrel thuds]
310
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,986
- Those are two good boys
out there, I tell you what.
311
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:09,122
Not like those other two
who live around here,
312
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,523
Travis and Burt.
313
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,425
- Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,094
- This is gonna be cool.
315
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:18,098
- Before we set off
on our journey,
316
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:21,468
let's relax
and get comfortable.
317
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,703
You may notice your breath.
318
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,773
- You may notice your breath.
[chuckles]
319
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,777
Boy, this guy is a creepy perv.
[chuckles]
320
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,113
- You may notice
your head and neck
321
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,882
relaxing onto your pillow...
322
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,383
- You may notice yourself
323
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,752
watching a horrible,
boring video that sucks.
324
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,889
This reminds me
of that pervy guy
325
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,691
at the model train store
that always takes you camping.
326
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,160
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
He's not pervy.
327
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,328
- [chuckles]
328
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,363
And you may not notice
my hands
329
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,399
even getting lower.
[chuckles]
330
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,934
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
331
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,136
He's just a little handsy.
[chuckles]
332
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,804
You know, he just likes
to sniff hair
333
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,306
and rub shoulders
and stuff like that, you know.
334
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,607
[chuckles]
335
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,542
- This evening
on the way to sleep,
336
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,712
we'll be travelling
from Rouen to Evreux.
337
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,415
- We'll be traveling
from "rugh" to "abugh"
338
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,817
[chuckles]
339
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:11,919
- Yeah,
and we'll be stopping off
340
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,187
at "bleugh-ugh"...
[chuckles]
341
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,223
To use the bathroom
and have a shake or something.
342
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,091
[chuckles]
343
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,994
What language is that?
[chuckles]
344
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,763
- Uh, I think
it's, like, French.
345
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,532
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
346
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,600
- I think, to speak French,
you have to, like,
347
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,937
drink a bunch of milk
and get all this, like,
348
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,272
phlegm in your throat
so you can start going
349
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:35,242
[uttering throaty
nonsense syllables]
350
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,643
- [chuckles]
Yeah, yeah.
351
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,746
[uttering throaty
nonsense syllables]
352
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,118
- Whoa, that's pretty good,
Beavis.
353
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,354
Where did you learn to do that?
[chuckles]
354
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,822
- Um, my grandpa
used to speak French
355
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,024
when he got up in the morning.
356
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:54,161
He'd be like...
[coughing]
357
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,800
And also, like,
once a week when he was locked
358
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,203
in the room with Grandma.
359
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,571
[grunting]
360
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,773
Ooh, ah, ooh.
[coughs]
361
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:10,210
Bleh, bleh, ugh, ugh!
362
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,279
- Uh, so what does that mean?
363
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,949
- I think he was saying, like,
"This sucks" or something.
364
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,152
[both chuckling]
365
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,423
[both chuckling]
366
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,728
- Spanish fly is cool.
[chuckles]
367
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,897
- [chuckles]
- [grunts]
368
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,599
- [chuckles]
369
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,469
[both grunting]
370
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,605
- I think it, like,
melted my shoe or something.
371
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,374
- You won't need that shoe
when you score, Beavis.
372
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,776
- Yeah, everyone in the school
is gonna drink this stuff,
373
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,745
and then
everyone is gonna score.
374
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,314
[chuckles]
Yeah.
375
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,951
- Shoes will become
a thing of the past.
376
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:55,222
- Yeah, yeah, and pants too.
[chuckles]
377
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,125
- They will call us heroes.
[chuckles]
378
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,860
- You know, Butt-Head,
I just wanna say, um,
379
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,230
it feels really good
to do something nice
380
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,332
for other people.
You know what I mean?
381
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,567
Now let's give it
a little flavor here.
382
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,637
[punch hisses]
383
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,705
Huh.
[chuckles]
384
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,974
Where'd it go?
385
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,877
Um, I think my foot
is bleeding.
386
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,346
[pop music]
387
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,548
- Just look at
all those people, Beavis.
388
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,684
They have no idea that tonight
they shall score.
389
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,319
[chuckles]
390
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,322
This is the most nicest thing
we have ever done.
391
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,558
- I don't even need anyone
to thank us, yeah.
392
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,692
[chuckles]
393
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,261
Just feels good to do it,
you know?
394
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,097
[chuckles]
- That's right, Beavis.
395
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,665
Everyone having sex
with each other
396
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,068
right here in the gym
will be its own reward.
397
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,970
- Yeah, yeah, this is
the true meaning of Christmas.
398
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,972
Yeah.
[chuckles]
399
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,540
Yeah.
[chuckling]
400
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,611
Um, Butt-Head, do you think
it might run out later,
401
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,747
and then we don't get any,
and then we don't get to score?
402
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:58,418
- Uh, I don't know.
[chuckles]
403
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,853
I'm gonna have a little now
just in case.
404
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,292
[coughs]
Ugh.
405
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,928
- Good idea.
[chuckles]
406
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:10,063
[coughing]
Ooh!
407
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,397
[clears throat]
408
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,834
Um, Butt-Head,
it doesn't taste very good.
409
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,436
- That's the taste of scoring,
dumbass,
410
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,838
and if you don't like it,
411
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,441
then maybe scoring's
not for you.
412
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:22,842
[coughs]
Ugh!
413
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:23,976
- No.
[coughs]
414
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,246
No, I like it.
It tastes good.
415
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,847
I think it was just
that damn orange
416
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,317
I put in there.
[coughs]
417
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,219
Yeah, that's good.
[coughs]
418
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,187
I think it's, like,
scoring in my mouth
419
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,023
or something maybe.
I don't know, hm.
420
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,726
- Uh, you drank more than me,
butthole.
421
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:42,095
[chuckles]
[coughs]
422
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,131
Now we're even.
- No way, Butt-Head!
423
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,465
That was more than me!
424
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,270
Ugh, ah!
[coughs]
425
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,772
Now we're even, yeah.
- No, we're not.
426
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,074
You didn't count that stuff
that was on your shoe.
427
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,709
- No way, Butt-Head,
that's not fair.
428
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,679
[both coughing]
429
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,391
[both groaning]
430
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,427
- Uh, I don't feel so good.
431
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,296
[chuckles]
- Yeah, me too, yeah.
432
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,597
[chuckles]
433
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,632
Maybe we'll feel better
after we score.
434
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,033
[sighs]
- Oh, yeah.
435
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,235
[chuckles]
436
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,003
Help yourself
to some punch, ladies.
437
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,506
It'll make the world
a better place.
438
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:29,108
Uh, wait a minute,
439
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,778
some greedy butthole
drank it all.
440
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,314
- You know, you know,
some people just don't care
441
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,149
about others, you know?
It's sad.
442
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,550
[chuckles]
443
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,953
- Oh, what happened
to the festive punch I made?
444
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,290
There was organic apple juice
in it and--
445
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,857
- [retches]
446
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,860
- [retching]
447
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,830
- Oh, my.
448
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,533
[Benee's "Supalonely"]
449
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,603
- [chuckles]
450
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,706
Breakfast sucks.
[chuckles]
451
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,040
- I mean, it's not
my favorite meal,
452
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:04,577
but, um, I'd say
it's in my top three.
453
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,713
- * I don't wanna seem it *
454
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,215
* I don't wanna *
455
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,983
- She needs, like,
more auto-tune on her voice.
456
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,619
- Yeah, I don't think
that's auto-tune, Butt-Head.
457
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,422
That's just the way she sings.
I can do that.
458
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,389
Yeah.
[chuckles]
459
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,124
- Uh, really?
460
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,059
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
anyone can do it.
461
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,694
Yeah, yeah, check it out.
[chuckles]
462
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:26,633
* This video sucks *
463
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,368
See?
[chuckles]
464
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,870
- Whoa.
How do you do that?
465
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,138
[chuckles]
466
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,673
- You know, you just
sort of, like, um...
467
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,342
you just sort of do
an auto-tune thing, you know?
468
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,476
You just kind of go like...
469
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,245
* Why is she in the bathtub *
470
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,412
* With her clothes *
471
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:43,550
* On? *
472
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,485
- Uh, hm.
473
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,554
Let me try it.
[chuckles]
474
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,121
* Why *
475
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,425
* Is this chick
in the bathtub *
476
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,026
* With her clothes on? *
477
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,795
- No, no, you're not
doing it right, Butt-Head.
478
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,364
- That sounded
as good as yours.
479
00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:00,567
- No, no, it didn't.
Sorry, Butt-Head, it didn't.
480
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:01,968
[chuckles]
481
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,970
- Uh, yeah, it was.
Shut up, dumbass.
482
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,004
[chuckles]
483
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,273
- I can show you how to do it.
484
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,207
You just want to, like,
move your throat
485
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,009
and, like, your lips
and your mouth
486
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,779
and kind of change the notes
in the--
487
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,315
well, like this.
Watch really close here, okay?
488
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,217
* This chick *
489
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:21,388
* Is pretty hot *
490
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,991
* Boi-oi-oing *
491
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,493
[both chuckle]
492
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:30,363
- * This chick is pretty hot *
493
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,732
* Boi-oi-oing *
494
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,166
[chuckles]
495
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,136
- Ooh, that was horrible,
Butt-head.
496
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,505
- Damn it, Beavis,
497
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,573
I'm gonna auto-tune
the backside of your head.
498
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,642
- * No, you won't *
499
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:46,212
[screams melodically]
500
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,381
- Whoa, that sounded
pretty good, Beavis.
501
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,317
I'm gonna try it again.
502
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,318
[flesh thwacks]
Ugh!
503
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,287
[screams melodically]
504
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,658
- The DDT gave them
massive brain damage.
505
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,427
It's amazing
they have enough brain function
506
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,061
to still be alive.
507
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,897
- Actually, Doctor,
these scans are from before
508
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,466
they drank the DDT.
509
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:07,900
These boys
were here a month ago
510
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,637
to have objects removed
from their nasal cavities.
511
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,472
- Uh, those were
army men, yeah.
512
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:13,673
[both chuckle weakly]
513
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,508
- They made
the ultimate sacrifice.
514
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:16,476
[chuckles weakly]
515
00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:17,844
[coughs]
516
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:19,712
- Oh, then I guess
we're done here.
517
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:23,650
- Oh, boy.
[grumbles]
518
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,352
Nobody scored,
did they Butt-Head?
519
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,819
[chuckles]
520
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,788
- No.
[chuckles]
521
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,323
But at least we learned
a lesson.
522
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:31,824
[chuckles]
523
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:34,060
- That doing things
for other people sucks?
524
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,127
[chuckles]
525
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,964
- Yep, but don't worry, Beavis.
526
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,600
We will never do it again
as long as we live.
527
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,101
[chuckles]
528
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,571
- Amen, yeah.
[chuckles]
529
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,674
[machines emitting
droning tones]
530
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:52,712
[rock music]
531
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:59,819
* *
532
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,835
- Chirp.
35057
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