Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:04,308
- ♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:10,401
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:13,622
[bluesy rock music]
4
00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:20,324
♪ ♪
5
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:27,375
- Ow! Ow!
I'ma kick--ow. Ah!
6
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,203
- Okay, this is our eighth
session
7
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,292
to try to improve
your behavior,
8
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:33,772
and if anything, Butt-Head's
aggression is getting worse.
9
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,471
- Ow!
- Uh, it's the same.
10
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,125
- Ow.
11
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,431
- I'm going to say
therapy isn't working.
12
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,346
It's time to try medication.
- Ah!
13
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:44,870
- Yeah, give him some pills.
14
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:45,915
[chuckles]
- No.
15
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,048
I mean, medication for you.
16
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,832
Butt-Head, I want you
to take one in the morning
17
00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,703
and one in the afternoon.
18
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,184
They should help your behavior.
19
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,361
- Let's flush 'em
down the toilet.
20
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,842
[both chuckle]
21
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,148
Uh, wait a minute.
22
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:02,453
[sniffs]
23
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,194
These smell like grape.
24
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:04,977
- I wanna try one.
C'mon.
25
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,457
- No way, Beavis.
26
00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:07,850
I'm the one who's aggressive.
27
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:08,764
- Ow!
Hey.
28
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,374
- See?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
29
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,377
- Go get some wuss pills
or something.
30
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:14,422
Mmm.
[smacks lips]
31
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,901
Not bad.
32
00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:18,165
- [chuckles]
33
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,254
- It better come with refills.
34
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,603
- Maybe if they get some
refills, you can give me--
35
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,213
Ah!
36
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,999
- Good morning, Wilbur!
37
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,610
[pig snorting]
38
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,351
- That thing sounds like you,
Beavis.
39
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:31,700
[mimics grunting]
40
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,354
[pig grunting]
41
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:34,616
- [chuckling]
No, it doesn't.
42
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,748
[grunting]
43
00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,141
What is that thing, anyway?
44
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:41,492
Is that, like, a dog?
45
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,407
- No, he's the star
of that movie
46
00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:46,584
where there's like a really
annoying spider that has a web
47
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:49,196
and it keeps making words
to save a dog.
48
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:50,414
[chuckles]
49
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,113
It's stupid.
[chuckles]
50
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,026
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
51
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,594
- Good morning, buddy!
52
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,640
- Remember when we had
that substitute
53
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,642
and he was all, like, drunk,
54
00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:02,165
and then he put that movie on
55
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,080
and just fell asleep
at his desk all day?
56
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,212
[both chuckling]
57
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,865
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
58
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:09,216
He was like,
"Oh, this is educational."
59
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:12,088
[grunting]
60
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,959
- It was a tear-jerker.
61
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,265
[chuckles]
62
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,702
[both chuckling]
- "Jerker."
63
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:20,966
[both chuckling]
64
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,055
- You got to back up
so I can open the door.
65
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,058
- Is this, like, a prison
for animals or something?
66
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,322
[chuckles]
- Yeah.
67
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,802
Your sentence is having to
listen to this lady
68
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,804
for the rest of your life.
- [chuckles]
69
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,893
- Good morning, Grayson!
[laughs]
70
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:38,680
- "Good morning, Grayson!"
[mocking laughter]
71
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,943
[chuckles]
- They should eat her.
72
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:43,902
[both chuckling]
73
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,252
- Yeah, really.
74
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,470
Yeah, see how she likes it.
75
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,125
[chuckling]
76
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,648
- Good morning, Buster.
77
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,694
- Do you know what they call
meat from a cow?
78
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:54,826
[chuckles]
Beef.
79
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,088
[chuckles]
80
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,353
[both chuckling]
81
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,317
So, like, um, do those pills,
82
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,320
like, make you feel
different or something?
83
00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:14,585
- Eh, no.
84
00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,805
But thank you for asking.
85
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,502
[chuckles]
86
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:20,722
- Oh, um, okay, yeah.
87
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,767
God bless you, or,
I don't know.
88
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,769
[chuckles]
89
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,858
This show sucks.
[chuckles]
90
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,425
- I guess it does.
91
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,427
But other people
probably enjoy it.
92
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,776
[chuckles]
93
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:36,346
Nothing wrong with that.
[chuckles]
94
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:39,001
- Oh, I--okay.
95
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:42,787
I guess that's true.
[chuckles]
96
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,573
But it does kind of suck,
Butt-Head. [chuckles]
97
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,618
- We can watch what you want,
Beavis.
98
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,881
Anything you wanna do is fine.
99
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,057
[chuckles]
100
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:54,277
[screaming on TV]
101
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,889
- This is pretty cool.
This is better. [chuckles]
102
00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:01,371
- Well, I'm glad
you're enjoying it, Beavis.
103
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,068
I like when you enjoy yourself.
104
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:06,028
[eerie music]
105
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:10,032
♪ ♪
106
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,382
- Oh, man.
What's going on, Butt-Head?
107
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,079
You're kind of acting weird.
108
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,559
- Whoa.
- Ah!
109
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,605
- Settle down, Beavis.
[chuckles]
110
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,433
- Um, I thought you were gonna
111
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,738
hit me for a second there,
you know?
112
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:22,262
[chuckles]
113
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,480
- Oh, I wouldn't hit you,
114
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,222
Beavis,
because you're my friend.
115
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,484
[chuckles]
116
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:33,360
- Um, Butt-Head, I think you
should stop taking those pills.
117
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,623
[chuckles]
118
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,408
- [sighs]
[chuckles]
119
00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:47,156
- So the sixth planet
is Saturn, mm-kay?
120
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,854
Known for its prominent rings.
121
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:53,771
- Um, Butt-Head, why are
you wearing that shirt?
122
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:58,733
- Uh, it's a sunny day.
Why not wear a sunny outfit?
123
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,691
[chuckles]
- Can everyone please focus?
124
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:01,736
Mm-kay?
125
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,303
Class is almost over,
126
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,348
and I'm just trying
to squeeze in Uranus.
127
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:09,700
- [chuckles]
128
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,615
Uh, Butt-Head?
[chuckles]
129
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,530
- Hmm?
- [chuckles]
130
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,838
Van Driessen, he kind of said,
"I just wanna squeeze in"--
131
00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:19,188
- Beavis, Mr. Van Driessen
is trying hard
132
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:21,190
to squeeze in Uranus, okay?
133
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,670
- Yeah, exactly.
Like, um--[chuckles]
134
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,236
- Let's try
to give him our attention.
135
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,369
- Yeah, but, um--
- [sighs]
136
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:29,590
I'm glad I brought a nice,
sharp pencil for Uranus.
137
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,026
- Come on, Butt-Head.
What's going on?
138
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,810
- Nothing, Beavis.
139
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:35,857
This is the perfect pencil
for Uranus.
140
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:38,555
[chuckles]
[school bell rings]
141
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:41,471
Oh, darn.
[chuckles]
142
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:44,474
- Whoa!
Where'd that come from?
143
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,563
Um, Van Driessen?
144
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,173
I think there's something wrong
with Butt-Head.
145
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,959
- Oh, I don't think so at all.
146
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:54,658
In fact, Butt-Head, I'm very
proud of your behavior today.
147
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:56,225
- No, you don't understand.
There's something wrong--
148
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,270
- Oh, thank you,
Mr. Van Driessen.
149
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,447
I enjoyed your class today.
150
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,449
- You mean the part
about Uranus, right, Butt-Head?
151
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,233
[chuckles]
152
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,148
- I actually liked Saturn,
Beavis,
153
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,455
with its prominent rings.
154
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,326
That was my favorite.
- What?
155
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,893
- Would you like to join Beavis
156
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,938
and I for lunch,
Mr. Van Driessen?
157
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:14,896
- Butt-Head, no, no.
158
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,637
- Fascinating.
159
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,203
Mt. Van Driessen,
I would love to hear
160
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,814
more stories
about the teachers' union.
161
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,206
- Oh, no.
162
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,121
- Well, at the next meeting,
163
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:26,690
there was quite a spirited
debate about the health plan.
164
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,605
- Ooh.
[chuckles]
165
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:31,260
The health plan?
- Damn it, Butt-Head.
166
00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:32,783
- Are you okay, Beavis?
167
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,264
I brought an extra banana
if you'd like one.
168
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:36,700
- A what?
169
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:39,399
- A banana, Beavis.
[chuckles]
170
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,489
They're delicious--
better than nachos.
171
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,840
♪ ♪
172
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,494
Mmm.
173
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,582
A banana.
174
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:58,461
[humming]
[scratching sound]
175
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,334
- Damn it, Butt-Head.
This sucks.
176
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,772
You have to stop
taking those pills.
177
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:09,124
- But Beavis, I was told to
take these pills by an adult.
178
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,517
Is there something else
that's bothering you?
179
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,083
- Yeah, there is!
- [chuckles]
180
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:16,305
- It's bothering me that
you're acting like a butthole!
181
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,611
- I hear you, Beavis.
182
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,917
I'll try to do better.
- Damn it.
183
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,658
Stop agreeing
with everything I say!
184
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,573
- Okay, Beavis.
- See, you did it again!
185
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,271
Stop it!
186
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:28,230
- What would you like me to do,
Beavis?
187
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,797
- Damn it, Butt-Head!
188
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,886
You're a butthole
and your mom's a slut
189
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:34,845
and you suck!
[chuckles]
190
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:38,675
- Beavis, thank you
for being honest with me.
191
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:41,112
I think we can work this out
if we just dialogue
192
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:42,897
like Ms. Ortiz modeled for us,
and we--
193
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,377
- [screams]
- Oh, Beavis, my pills.
194
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,553
- Ah!
Enough!
195
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,772
[screaming]
196
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,774
- Beavis, this is a step
backwards for you.
197
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:51,993
I'm concerned--
198
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,211
- Stop acting like a wuss!
199
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:55,126
Call me a butthole!
200
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,998
Say, "Beavis is a butthole!"
201
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:59,391
- [coughing]
Don't say that about my friend.
202
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,393
[gagging]
203
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,702
- Oh, damn it.
Damn it.
204
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,008
Ah!
205
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:09,706
[grunting]
206
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,970
- [pukes]
207
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:15,930
[both panting]
208
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:21,152
[eerie music]
209
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:28,595
♪ ♪
210
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,032
What the hell is wrong
with you, butthole?
211
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,163
- Ah!
Hittin' me.
212
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,035
Oh, yeah.
213
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,516
- Beavis, you're about
to get your ass kicked.
214
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,343
- No, no, no--
[chuckles]
215
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:39,431
Ah!
- Damn it.
216
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,476
- Ah!
- Butthole.
217
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:41,738
- Ah!
Cut it out.
218
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:42,696
- [grunts]
- Ah!
219
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,742
[rock music]
220
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,222
Ow.
Ah!
221
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:50,268
- [grunting]
222
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,183
- Ah!
223
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,102
[both chuckling]
224
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:01,323
[bluesy rock music]
225
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:08,025
♪ ♪
226
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,815
[eerie music]
227
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,209
♪ ♪
228
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:22,866
- Behold, I am Smart Butt-Head.
- And I am Smart Beavis.
229
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,216
Greetings, oh,
primitive humans.
230
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,088
- We hail from an alternate
universe where we,
231
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:29,481
Beavis and Butt-Head,
are super intelligent.
232
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,266
- There are
billions and billions
233
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,703
of alternate universes,
oh, foolish ones.
234
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,837
- But the one most fascinating
to our vast intellects
235
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,752
is the one where Beavis and
Butt-Head were teenagers
236
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,537
in the 1990s,
but then grew older.
237
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:45,236
- And they're now middle-aged
at the height of their powers.
238
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:48,109
- Join us, dull-witted
earthlings, as we look upon
239
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:51,808
that universe and sample its
delights spread out before us,
240
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,810
like a banquet of space nachos.
241
00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:56,073
- Priceless wit
of a satirical bent.
242
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,771
- Whimsical, yes, yes,
quite absurd.
243
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:58,772
- Whimsical, yes, indeed, yes.
244
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,774
♪ ♪
245
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:03,733
[both chuckling]
246
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:13,134
- [coughs]
- [coughs]
247
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:17,355
Butt-Head,
we're out of beers, Butt-Head.
248
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:21,142
- Eh, well, go get some more,
dumbass.
249
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,057
- I'm out of money.
250
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,973
- So go give some more blood.
251
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,062
- I went twice
already this morning.
252
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:29,803
They won't take my blood
anymore, because they said
253
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,849
it's too watery,
then I passed out,
254
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:35,199
and some guy stole my cookie.
255
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,246
I guess we need to,
like, get jobs or something.
256
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,814
- Being unemployed is our job,
dumbass.
257
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:43,686
[chuckles]
They send us money.
258
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:45,514
- Ran out of that too.
259
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,777
Should I go down
to that unemployment store
260
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,257
and get some more or something?
261
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:52,652
- Yeah, and hurry up,
you worthless dumbass.
262
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:57,047
- [grunts]
Oh, boy.
263
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,963
- Job.
[chuckles]
264
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:02,531
- ♪ Ooh, too lit ♪
265
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,446
♪ Forgot who I was talking to,
shit ♪
266
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,188
[both chuckling]
267
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,320
♪ Love ain't
how they advertise it ♪
268
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,366
- Oh, hey,
269
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,455
that looks like that time
you had that heart attack,
270
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:18,721
and then they, like, brought
you back with that infibulator.
271
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:21,550
[both chuckling]
272
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,987
- Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
273
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,076
That thing hurt.
[chuckles]
274
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,165
- They said you were dead
for a while too.
275
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:32,169
- Uh, that's right, I was.
[chuckles]
276
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:35,999
When I closed my eyes,
I thought I saw God,
277
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,960
and he said,
"I love you, Butt-Head.
278
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,311
Keep doing what you're doing,
and don't ever come back."
279
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:46,183
[chuckles]
280
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,794
And then I woke up.
[chuckles]
281
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:51,711
- And then d'you, like, change
your life or something?
282
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,582
- No.
[chuckles]
283
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:57,194
I was completely unchanged.
[chuckles]
284
00:11:57,281 --> 00:12:00,981
And then they sent me a bill
for $124,000,
285
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:06,116
and I never paid it.
[both chuckling]
286
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:10,294
I get a notice every couple
months, and I just ignore it.
287
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,906
[chuckles]
288
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,430
- In a just world,
they would've killed you.
289
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,823
[chuckles]
290
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,912
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
291
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:24,744
It's not fair.
[chuckles]
292
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,529
- That liquor store, like,
makes me wanna drink a beer.
293
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:28,878
[chuckles]
294
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:32,447
- Uh, you are drinking a beer.
[chuckles]
295
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:34,275
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
but I mean, like,
296
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,886
another one after this.
[chuckles]
297
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:39,367
- Uh, is there anything that
298
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:40,977
doesn't make you wanna
drink a beer?
299
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:44,198
[chuckles]
- Well, let me think.
300
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,634
No.
301
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:48,419
Oh, um--no, no.
302
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:52,684
I guess not.
[chuckles]
303
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,643
[sighs and chuckles]
304
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,819
I think I'm, like,
an alcoholic,
305
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,647
but with beer, you know?
306
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:02,216
[both chuckling]
307
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:03,783
Oh, look at that pawn shop.
308
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,610
I think this is our
neighborhood.
309
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,047
[chuckles]
310
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:10,180
- Eh, oh, yeah.
It is.
311
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,835
[chuckles]
Remember that time you pawned
312
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:16,056
everything you owned,
and you only got $30?
313
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:19,233
[chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
314
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,105
Yeah, that was a great day,
yeah.
315
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,194
I spent it all
on some St. Ides.
316
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,848
[chuckles]
317
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:29,286
That crooked eye, yeah.
[chuckles]
318
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:36,467
I would like more unemployment,
please.
319
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,383
- Well, our records show
you maxed out your benefits.
320
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:40,907
- Cool.
[chuckles]
321
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,083
- But let's see
if we can find you a job.
322
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,824
- What? What?
No, no.
323
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,827
No, I came down here for money.
Yeah, yeah.
324
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,481
- Let's see
what you're qualified for.
325
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,614
Last job?
326
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,181
- I was fired
from Burger World.
327
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,313
- And when was that?
328
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,621
- It was, like, two weeks ago.
329
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,537
- It says here 23 years ago.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
330
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,408
Yeah, that sounds right.
331
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:07,977
Also, I donate blood and sperm.
332
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:10,327
- And you donate
the sperm where?
333
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:13,809
- Um, just kind of everywhere,
you know?
334
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,203
- Okay, you're gonna need
something completely unskilled.
335
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,595
- Yeah, that sounds cool.
336
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:19,641
- I have an opening
for a home aide.
337
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,252
It's a government program
where you help people
338
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,645
who can't take care
of themselves
339
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,647
just with ordinary,
household tasks.
340
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,301
You know how to do that, right?
341
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,216
- Um, I've been in a house,
yeah.
342
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,392
- Here's the client's address.
343
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,437
They pay's not much,
but I think you'll find
344
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,396
helping someone even less
fortunate than yourself
345
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,528
will help give you self-esteem.
346
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:39,052
- Self-steam?
347
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:41,010
- It'll make you
feel good about yourself.
348
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:45,101
- Wow. Self-steam.
Hmm.
349
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,018
[chuckling]
Dicks.
350
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,676
- [humming]
351
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:58,375
Okay, time to get
your self-steam.
352
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,290
[chuckles]
353
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:04,164
Time to meet the dillhole
who can't take care of himself.
354
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:07,080
I wonder what he looks like.
[chuckles]
355
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,951
Here we go.
[chuckles]
356
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:14,478
- Uh, what are you knocking
for, dumbass?
357
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:17,046
I thought you were the butthole
the government sent.
358
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,135
- What butthole?
[chuckles]
359
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:21,703
- The social worker called
and asked if I needed help
360
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,661
'cause
the neighbors complained.
361
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,663
- Whoa, really?
[chuckles]
362
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,970
- I pretended
I was a fat dumbass
363
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,712
who never gets off his couch.
[chuckles]
364
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:34,237
And he believed me.
[chuckles]
365
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,544
- Well, maybe,
maybe I'm the butthole
366
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:38,502
that the government sent.
367
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:41,418
- Well then, quit standing
around and get to work.
368
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,072
[chuckles]
369
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,555
- So they said first,
I'm supposed to, like,
370
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:48,817
tidy up or something.
371
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:51,080
- [groans and coughs]
372
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:55,432
Well, get to it, Beavis.
My tax dollars pay your salary.
373
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,173
[chuckles]
- I'm gonna throw this away.
374
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,959
- Don't throw those out.
- Why not?
375
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,569
- I need those for my business.
376
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,310
- What business?
377
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,529
- One of these days,
I'll tell you, Beavis.
378
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,836
I've got big plans.
379
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:10,317
No, not the bottle.
380
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,667
You can pick up that chip.
381
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,669
[slurps]
[sighs]
382
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:17,367
This is the good life.
[chuckles]
383
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:20,457
Now fix me lunch.
- Is that part of my job?
384
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:22,068
- I was told it was.
385
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:23,678
- [sighs]
Okay, Butt-Head.
386
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,245
- Mr. Butt-Head.
387
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,637
- I'm not gonna call you
Mr. Butt-Head,
388
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,378
Butt-Head.
389
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,859
- I don't want to
have to report you, Beavis.
390
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:35,081
You want me to get you fired?
- Well, um, no, Mr. Butt-Head.
391
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,779
- If I get you fired,
then we don't have any money.
392
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:39,607
I'm doing this for us.
393
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:42,958
- Damn it.
Self-steam sucks.
394
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,699
- Hey, what's up, guys?
395
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,788
It is Stargirl,
the Practical Witch,
396
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:50,096
and welcome
to my YouTube channel today.
397
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:53,490
We are back again with another
virtual, online,
398
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,144
interactive tarot reading.
399
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:57,451
Now, what I normally
have you guys do
400
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,888
during this psychic reading
is I have you guys
401
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,846
look at the options
with your--
402
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:05,763
- Uh, hmm.
403
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:08,375
- [grunts]
Oh, boy.
404
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:11,378
- She's like,
"I can see into the future,
405
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,554
and I'm still talking."
[chuckles]
406
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,208
- Yeah, I can see
way into the future,
407
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,775
and I'm still
going on and on and on.
408
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,255
[chuckles]
409
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,388
- All-vegan makeup, which
I make a very big deal--
410
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:25,392
- If you, like, knew you'd
eventually score with her,
411
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,524
how long do you think you'd be
able to listen to her talk?
412
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,222
[chuckles]
413
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:33,008
- Probably, like, about five
years, maybe six or seven.
414
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:37,186
- I'm not saying that
you're poor, guys, okay?
415
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,666
I'm not picking that up
at all.
416
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:40,059
But I'm hearing you, like,
417
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,452
spend a lot of time
in an RV camper--
418
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:47,109
- Uh, I have more psychic
abilities than she does.
419
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,806
Check this out, Beavis.
420
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:53,028
Uh, okay,
I'm sensing great pain.
421
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,683
- No, no, you're just gonna say
you see a smack in my future,
422
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,946
and then you're gonna smack me.
423
00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,426
You've been doing this
for 25 years.
424
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,297
Come on.
425
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:04,213
- Uh, I knew you were
gonna say that, Beavis,
426
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,780
for I am the great
Butt-Headini.
427
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:07,260
- Yeah, yeah.
428
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:10,567
- Do not
underestimate my powers.
429
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,700
Now check this out.
430
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:17,879
I'm sensing a--uh--
do you have an uncle?
431
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:20,229
- No.
[chuckles]
432
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,710
- Or, I mean, an aunt, maybe?
433
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,712
- No, no.
[chuckles]
434
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:28,150
- Uh, a cousin?
435
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,065
- No, I don't think so.
436
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,806
I mean, my Uncle Bob had a kid,
but I don't think that's--
437
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:32,937
- Damn it, Beavis.
438
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,461
You said
you don't have an uncle.
439
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,724
- I don't--I mean,
except for Uncle Bob.
440
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:37,899
- Damn it, Beavis.
441
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,075
Okay, very well.
442
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,686
I'm sensing a couch.
443
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,994
Is there a couch in your life?
[chuckles]
444
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:48,127
- No, no, I don't think
I know of a couch.
445
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,041
[chuckles]
- Damn it, Beavis.
446
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,435
You're sitting on a couch.
- No, no.
447
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:53,828
[screams]
448
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:55,134
[chuckles]
449
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,787
Wait a minute, Butt-Head.
450
00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:58,398
Wait, did you say
you were gonna smack me?
451
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,008
[chuckles]
452
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:03,011
- Yes, Beavis.
I knew I was going to do that.
453
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:07,320
It is as I have foreseen, for
I am the great Butt-Headini.
454
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:08,712
- Oh, I guess
you are pretty good then.
455
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,540
[chuckles]
456
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,847
- It's time to celebrate
your first paycheck
457
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,588
by buying me beer with it.
458
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,372
- Right away, Mr. Butt-Head.
459
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,853
- [chuckles]
460
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,290
Uh, what are you doing,
Beavis?
461
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:23,292
- I just want some
Count Chocula.
462
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:26,600
- We need beer,
not, like, health food.
463
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:28,471
- No way!
It's my money.
464
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:29,864
I earned it.
465
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:31,126
I gave you a bath.
466
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,562
- You wouldn't even have
467
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:35,435
the money if I wasn't
all pathetic or whatever.
468
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:36,653
- Ah!
Damn it--
469
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,873
I'm gonna kill you,
Mr. Butt-Head!
470
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,831
- Beavis, you're about to get
fired the hard way.
471
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,050
[loud crashing]
- Ah!
472
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,747
Ah, no!
Ah, no!
473
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,837
Mr. Butt-Head, no, stop!
No, ah!
474
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,187
Ow, ah!
475
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,884
Help, Butt-Head!
Ow, ow!
476
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:53,583
- I swear, Beavis, if you're
still alive, you're fired.
477
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,412
- [screaming]
478
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,418
- [chuckles]
479
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,725
You're unemployed again.
480
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,118
- I'm making money
from workman's comp,
481
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,208
and I still have my self-steam.
482
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,731
[both chuckling]
483
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,254
- No, you don't.
484
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:15,301
You're a dumb butthole,
and you always will be.
485
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,346
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I forgot.
486
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:20,219
Yeah, thank you.
[both chuckling]
487
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,961
- Just fascinating.
- Yes, yes.
488
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:26,312
Intellectually stimulating.
Yes, yes, very humorous.
489
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:28,401
- Unfortunately,
oh, foolish humans,
490
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,054
your puny brains are too weak
491
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,795
to comprehend
what you just saw.
492
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,623
- Yes, yes.
493
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,538
I hope you were at least able
to enjoy the pretty colors.
494
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,323
Smart Butt-Head,
495
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:40,021
let us watch it again
to pick up more smart nuances.
496
00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:43,067
- We cannot,
because I think I erased it.
497
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,808
- Ah, yes, droll, droll, yes.
498
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,593
Quire risible, yes.
- Amusing.
499
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,247
Amusing and humorous,
yes, yes.
500
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:51,162
- Quite off-kilter, yes, yes.
501
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,600
[eerie music]
502
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,428
You missed.
- Yes, yes, indeed.
503
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:58,082
Too much yaw--
entering new coordinates now.
504
00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:01,216
- Um, those are not the right
coordinates, Smart Butt-Head.
505
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,044
- Quite farcical, yes.
506
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:05,873
- Yes, yes, allow me.
507
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,875
[loud crash]
- Those were also incorrect.
508
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:09,964
- Yes, yes,
peculiar and quaint, yes, yes.
509
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,532
♪ ♪
510
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,971
[bluesy rock music]
511
00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:24,195
♪ ♪
512
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,213
- Chirp.
33355
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
