All language subtitles for 3_Eljgdwnglish

[Adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
Country-Western music
swept the nation,

from Dolly Parton
to Reba McEntire.

The cowboy hats
and line dancing

even found their way
to suburban Philly.

JTP? What are you doing here?

We came to see if Barry wanted
to go to the campus pool

and watch the ladies
diving team.

We're extremely lonely,
and it's currently not illegal.

Tell me if this
is a good pick-up line--

-"Nice splash, toots."
- It's not.

[Barry] I hear the JTP!
I'm not coming down!

You have to, honey! We kiss,
so you do the things I want.

[Barry sighs] Fine!

But I don't want to hear
so much as a peep from anyone!

- Tarnation!
- Holy cowboy.

- Very pale rider.
- [Barry] Have at it!

For your information,
Joanne has been
taking me line dancing,

and since I'm loving
and supportive,
I have embraced it.

- Mm!
- Not as much as those jeans

have embraced
your buttocks and thighs.

Yes, I do traditionally enjoy
a loose trouser

that accommodates
my thunderous lower half,

but these Lee jeans
are surprisingly comfy.

They hug nice.
Jo Jo like.

Is that a pearl-snap
cowboy shirt?

Good eye, Naked Rob.

You can yank it right off
like a Sixers warm-up jersey.

I've done it.
It starts the mood.

And I see you've
chosen a black hat?
Does that make you the villain?

Don't be absurd,
Matt Bradley.

Does your tie-dye shirt
make you the chill,
mellow, nice guy?

- It kinda does, yeah.
- Well, I just have
one more question--

Are there single women
at this place?

A ton, and they all dress
in Daisy Dukes,

crop tops,
and pigtail braids.

- I wanna be a good ol' boy!
- Me, too!

- Yee-haw I think!
- Oh, wait!

If you wanna join us,
we have to teach you to dance.

Toes on the line
and follow my lead!

[country music playing]

Channel the pain
of a hardscrabble
prairie life--

Coaster Step
into a Lasso Spin!

[Joanne]
Oh, y'all are naturals!

Doing things in a line is fun!

Big finish!

Rocking Chair
into a Rattlesnake Shimmy!

And Heel, Shuffle, Pose!

Yee-haw!

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
Clearer every day ♪

[Adult Adam]
It was November 2nd,
1980-something,

and after losing my job
on the movie set,

I had some time on my hands.

Need help
with the groceries?

Thank you, Schmoo.

Maybe too much time.

Oh, no.
That goes over here.

Oh, that goes, uh,
over here.

Oh, my God.
These go here.

Oh, no. Honey.
Oh, Jeebus.

Yeah, Schmoo, Schmoo?
Why don't you go play
with your Nintendos?

Blegh. I've beaten every game.

What's going on in your world,
my grumpy gramps?

Sorting buttons.

Why?

So they're in groups.
Enough with the questions,
Joe Friday.

- Ooh, a swirly one.
- Beginner's luck.

Less talkin', more sortin'.

[Adult Adam] So I started
spending more time
with the only person

who had nowhere else to go.

Just one time
I'd like to see

Judge Wapner sentence
someone to death.

Oh, this is much too...

- Creamy.
- ...creamy, yeah.

Uh, another squirrel
made it across.

[Adult Adam] Yep,
hanging with Pop-Pop
wasn't super exciting,

but it filled the days.

Need help
buckling her in?

No, we're okay,
but are you?

Oh, yeah.

After my nap, I'm gonna split
a pear with Pop-Pop.

Wow. Sounds pretty jam-packed.

Tuesdays, am I right?

- It's Friday.
- Good talk.

Uh, uh... see you around
the mulberry tree.

Oh, man, Adam's spending way
too much time with Pop-Pop.

Eh, we got our own kid
to worry about.

He's probably fine.

[Adult Adam] But I wasn't.
I really wasn't.

Need help with Muriel?
Nope? Cool.

Dude, I wouldn't let you
near our child right now.

She poops herself
and she's cleaner than you.

[chuckles] Roger that.

Uh, Erica, what is going on
with him?

Remember when I dropped
out of college

and I sank into a slovenly
self-hating abyss?

Oh, no. That was such
an unappealing time for you.

Not my point.

- But, yes,
we have to help him.
- Yeah.

Hey, Adam,
I say this with love--

You're pathetic
and hard to look at.

Smelling you
is also no picnic.

That's you?

I thought your
mom's been making
hard-boiled eggs all week.

I get it,
I'm in a bit of a rut.
But it'll pass.

Adam, I've been
where you are.

- When I stopped going
to school, things got dark.
- Real dark.

Like, "What am I doing
with this person?" dark.

Easy, now.

But now she follows basic
hygiene like the rest of us.

- You're doing it, baby!
- Guys, it's all good.

I'm just gonna chill on
the couch and watch Gunsmoke
until I can finally go to NYU.

It's not all good.
You look and smell
like hot ass.

Find a new job.

Hey! Lay off the kid.
He's got Lyme disease.

Adam doesn't have
Lyme disease.

I thought that's why
he's being such a lazy slug.

Some tick stole
his life force, no?

- Fine, I'll look for a job.
- Yeah, I'll even help.

Everywhere I turn,
he's there.

And his button sorting
is [bleep]

[Adult Adam]
My life didn't give me
much to brag about.

But as a new grandmother,
my mom was as boastful as ever.

Oh, my signature client.
What are we doing today?

How about nothing
because you're perfect?

[chuckles] Oh, Frank, stop.

Why hasn't some gal
scooped you up yet?

That's a mystery
to my mother, too.

Have I shown you
the most recent 200
photos of my granddaughter?

- Ginzy, can you
pick up the end?
- Yeah! Always happy to help.

- Maybe, um,
go down a little bit.
- Okay.

Really stretch it taut
so he can get
a bird's-eye view.

Frank, I, too,
am Muriel's grandmother.

Linda, please,
this is my time.

Prepare yourself, Frank.

You're gonna love these more
than that Elton John concert
you wouldn't shut up about.

- [all chuckle]
- Beverly Goldberg.

But who's guarding the bridge
if the troll is here?

Jane Bales.
That's quite an outfit.

Is your horse
hitched outside?

Or are you the horse
and Jane is hitched outside?

It's all so confusing
because you both have,
wait for it...

Horse faces. [neighs]

Tedious and clumsy,
just like you.

We're going line dancing.

Not something you'd be
familiar with, Grandma.

Oh, so you heard
the incredible news

that I created someone
who created someone?

I was referring to your gray,
desiccated, listless hair.

[scoffs] I can't see any gray.

It's blurry.

You really should
pick up those bifocals

that Lou ordered--
[clears throat]

Is something that
I should've said privately.

Don't worry.
This old crone can't
hear you unless you shout.

So, will I see you all tonight
at Rhinestones and Roses?

Hold up!

You guys go
line dancing together?

Well, we invited you.

But you said you were,
you know, too tired
from being a grandma.

I said that?

Your exact words were,
"I'm tired.

Being a grandma makes me tired.
I'm a tired grandma."

Well, when you put as much
effort into it as I do,

it can be tiring because
I am not just a good grandma--

Oh, God, please say it.

- I am a great grandma.
- [gasps]

There it is.

Yes, you are a great,
great grandma.

Damn it!
So much unfortunate word play.

This has honestly been
too perfect.

So, good luck
with your grays, Granny.

I'm gonna get out
of Frank's way

because God knows he's got
his work cut out for him.

[chuckles]-Bye!

Well, thanks for getting
my back, Essie!

I don't know.
I thought it went fine.

Oh, really?
Is this fine?

[gasps] Why?

Linda was closer!

Frank will fix it
when he's done with me.

Get those fingers
flying, Frank.

[Adult Adam]
Jane Bales had rattled
my mom.

Meanwhile, I was reeling from
the lack of job opportunities.

Okay, I found the perfect
job for you--

- Mortician's assistant.
- Magician's assistant?

Saw me in half
and pull a rabbit
outta my butt, I'm in!

Mortician. Their only trick

is to pickle dead people
so they don't rot too fast.

Considering I threw up
when I saw

whatever's going on
with your heel,
I'm gonna pass.

Oh, my. Didn't realize
I was splitting an egg cream
with the Prince of Persia.

Happy birthday,
Mr. Presidents.

I'm sex symbol Marilyn someone.

Uh, what'll it be?

What the hell
is this place?

It's a '50s diner, gramps.

People are suckers
for nostalgia.

'50s, feh.
Why did TV need color?

Carla, I'll handle this table.

Blue suede shoes. [grunts]

Can I take your order?

Johnny, it's Adam.
You know me.

Oh, hey, Goldnerd.

Welcome to the old times.
What can I get you?

How about another waiter?

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Normally,
I just manage the place,

but we're short-staffed.

Ha! Short-staffed.
I'm in a position
of authority.

Oh, man, this is
actually perfect.
I'm looking for a job.

You got any experience
waiting tables?

No, but I have tons
of experience
eating at tables.

That's not nothin'.

Follow-up question--
Are you now,

or have you ever been, a member
of the Communist Party?

I don't think so.

- You're hired.
- That's it?

The kid's spilled
three times,

and we haven't
ordered a thing yet.

The bar is real low here.

Nice. I did it.

[Adult Adam]
So I was gonna be a waiter.

Meanwhile, my mom wasn't gonna
have to wait much longer

to prove to Jane Bales
that she was still young.

Wait, don't tell me you boys
are into line dancing, too.

It's awesome
and sweaty and fun!

It's like sports,
but there's girls.

Girls play sports.

You've oversimplified
my new passion.

I'm partial to jazz and tap,
but it fills a void.

Wait, am I the only person
in Jenkintown

who hasn't tried this?-Yes, ma'am.

In fact, I was thinking,
we should all have
cowboy names.

And then
at the honky-tonk,

that's what we use
to talk to each other.

That's perfect.

Great! Okay. 'Cause I already
got my name-- Bronco.

- I'll be Bronco.
- Wait, what?

I'm feeling like a Tex.
It's my very first thought,

but I also don't care,
'cause I freakin' love it.

- You got it, Tex.
- Thank you kindly, Bronco.

- Wait, that's my name.
- What about Colt for me?

It's settled.
You're Colt,

Naked Rob is Tex,
Barry is Bronco,

- and Andy is Half-Pint.
- Half-Pint?

What does that have to do
with anything country?

Oh, and I'll be Miss Lula Blaze
from Tombstone Gulch.

You're joining us for
some boot-scootin', Mrs. G?

If it's what the young
people are doing,
it's what I'm doing, too.

- Let's rock!
- Okay.

♪ Hey, ho, here we go
Let's ride... ♪

Beverly, so great
to see you here!

And that "Cowgirl" sweater
is adorable.

And accurate,
because "girl" is what I am.

Other words
that might go here are

"agile," "energetic,"
"robust,"

and, of course,
"proud American."

Oh, that seems like
that would require
a lot of rhinestones.

- Hi, Barry.
- I'm not Barry, I'm Bronco.

- Colt.
- Tex.

Andy's fine.

Okay, cowboys and cowgirls,
time to hit the dance floor!

Mom, you sure
you wanna do this?
It's harder than it looks.

Please, Barry.
Disco, salsa, break, belly--

There isn't a dance
I haven't mastered.

[grunts] Let's go.

Beverly, you're here.

Did one of these fine men
throw a rope around you

and try to take you
to auction?

- If that's not clear,
I'm suggesting--
- It's clear.

I love your 10-gallon hat
and your 20-gallon skirt.

- If that wasn't clear--
- It's clear!

Now let's get to steppin'!

- [all cheering]
- Yee-haw!

[man] Two, three, four!

- [Adult Adam]
And step my mom did.
- Oh.

- She stepped on Essie.
- Ow! Ow!

Essie!
Watch your big feet.

Sorry!
They're just a little big.

- She stepped on Linda.
- Oh!

It's okay,
it happens all the time.

Stay in your space.

[Adult Adam] And finally,
she stepped on herself.

Whoa! Oh! Ow! Ow!

Ooh, we have a nag down
in the barn.

- Mom!
- A nag is down in the barn.

I'm being folksy, but I think
that woman is really hurt.

Ooh, my gorgeous ankle!

[Adult Adam]
And just like that,
my mom's attempt to rise above

Jane Bale's insults led to her
falling on the dance floor

and feeling lower than ever.

After my mom's spill
on the dance floor,

she was determined
to get herself back on track.

But there were some obstacles.

Good news,
it's just a sprain.

But you will need
some help walking.

- [Adult Adam] And her new
bifocals were just so-so.
- [sighs]

Are you sure these make me
seem younger?

Absolutely.

You look like all my aunts
I had crushes on.

But they're stylish, right?

Beverly, when it comes
to eyewear,

no one knows hip
like King Louie.

King Louie?

Would I refer to myself
in such regal terms

if I wasn't
completely confident?

[Adult Adam]
And, unfortunately, there was
a hiccup at the hair salon.

Goodbye, gray.
Hello, platinum blonde!

Uh-oh.

[gasps]

What the [bleep] Frank?

- [doorbell jingles]
- [Adult Adam] Things couldn't
get any worse for my mom...

until the absolute worst
walked in.

[sighs] Perfect.

Beverly, nice to see you.

Why aren't you
hurling insults at me?

I look like the
"Where's the beef?" lady
from the Wendy's commercial.

Don't be silly.

Are you pitying me?

[scoffs] Nonsense.

Just, um,
taking a little break
from our usual sparring.

- Look me in the eye, Jane.
- I'd rather not.

Jane, look me in the eye
and insult me!

Beverly, don't make me.

-"Where's the beef?"
- Please don't say that.

-"Where's the beef?"
- Beverly, stop it!

-"Where's the beef?"
- That's enough! Okay?

You just--
God, you look so old.

And it is so sad.

And I just feel awful
for everything I've
ever said to you.

[Adult Adam]
As my mom was hitting
a new low...

How far have I fallen?

I was hitting the bongos
in my new role as a beatnik.

Specials.

Carrot soup... tuna...

and truth.

Here's some truth--
The tuna was also
yesterday's special.

Read into that
what you will.

[Indistinct chatter
on television]

- Hey, there he is.
- Yo, daddy-o, how's it cookin'?

You're not at work.
Don't talk like that.

- Dig it.
- Where you going?
Wheel is on.

Can't. I gotta bone up
on my diner lingo.

Did you know "Adam and Eve
on a raft" is toast and eggs?

So folksy and unnecessary.

Eh, not sure
about this job.

What are you talking about?
This is great for him.

Yeah, he pulled himself
out of his rut so fast.

Erica went ungroomed
for months.

We covered that part
of my past, Geoff.

I had to buy a horse-mane brush
from the feed shop.

Yep, peaks and valleys.
We all got 'em.

Once, I saw her make
a Cheetos sandwich.

Before she took a bite
she told it,
it was her best friend.

That cheesy,
crunchy sandwich

is definitely
topping you right now.

First Adam's a beatnik,
next thing you know,

he's shooting dice with Lenny
Bruce and the Black Panthers.

That seems like a logical
next step after a diner job,

but the kid
has a purpose again.

If you're worried about him,
just go down to the diner.

You'll feel better
seeing Adam working hard.

Yeah, maybe you're right.
Also, all this sad sandwich
and horse-brush talk

makes me want to take a break
from you two for a while.

[Adult Adam]
While Pop-Pop
was missing me at home,

my mom was missing her youth.

"There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe."

And she was probably
younger than me.

[babbles]

I mean, look at her,
so vibrant,

living the dream
in her downtown shoe.

That's not how that goes.

How it goes
is downhill from here.

Watch Muriel for a sec.
I gotta get her pacifier.

Why are you
carrying your purse?

Because that's
what old ladies do.

We clutch our purses filled
with Geritol tablets,

frayed bingo cards,
and memories of what was.

All right, Mom,
this is ridiculous.

- Just put this down.
- Get off me,
you whippersnapper.

Whippersnapper?

That's right.
That's a word I use now.

That's enough!

You are not that old,
and you know it.

And the doctor said
your ankle's back to normal,

so you can stop
with the cane.

Okay, well,
it doesn't matter.
I feel old.

I'm a grandma,
a widow.

It's obvious my best days
are behind me.

Oh, stop it.

You're the most energetic, relentless,

and intrusive person
I've ever known.

Oh, Barry.

How is it you always know
the exact right thing to say?

What do you say?
We practice a little more

and hit Rhinestones and Roses
tonight?

I say yee-haw!

[Adult Adam]
Thanks to Barry,
my mom was on a roll,

and I was serving one
to an unexpected customer.

Hey, Pop-Pop!

This roll is stale.

[Adult Adam]
An unexpected
and difficult customer.

New one coming up.
Good to see you.

- And coffee.
- You got it.

I don't want what's been
sitting around.
Fresh pot.

Snap, snap, snap.

[Adult Adam]
An unexpected, difficult,
and rude customer.

And things got worse
from there.

That was too close
to Marlon Brando.

[Adult Adam]
He changed tables.

Tomatoes
are too wet.

He sent back food.

And, Marilyn, you were never
good enough for DiMaggio.
Not even close!

I don't know or care
who that is.

[Adult Adam]
And, of course, the service
was not to his liking.

Oh, thanks
for remembering me.

I had to yell at that guy
who was dressed
like Frank Sinatra.

That's just a guy
with blue eyes.

And why are you
riding me like this?

What, because
I'm your grandfather,

I should let you slack off?
Huh?

With that attitude,
you get no tip.

Fine. I'll give you
a tip instead.
You're bad news, daddy-o.

That's it. Where's Elvis?
I demand to see Elvis!

Love me tender.
How can I help you?

This beatnik
has no respect.

To think people like me
fought in a war

so that he could smoke
clove cigarettes

and write poems
that don't rhyme.

You didn't fight
in the war.

I said people like me!

Why are you being
such a turd right now?

Whoa, Goldnerd,
much as I respect you

for treating customers
like this,

you can't treat customers
like this.

- You're fired.
- What?

No, I... I didn't mean--

Save it! All you wanted
was for me to get a job

and learn how to work hard,
then you come here and ruin it?

Thanks a lot,
Pop-Pop.

[Adult Adam]
With Barry's help,
my mom was ready

to honky-tonk the night away
and reclaim her youth.

- But she forgot one thing...
- Okay, we're off.

Muriel just woke up, and, uh,
she's in a mood. Enjoy.

Wait, you guys
are going out?

Remember? You're babysitting?

We have Lou's dumb
eye man award ceremony.

[Geoff] He's being honored

by the Professional Ophthalmologists
of Philadelphia.

Yes, the acronym is POOP,
and, no, I don't know why
they don't change it.

So Lou's winning a...

You know
it's a Poopie.

And how would you phrase it
if he won?

[sighs] My dad
brought home the Poopie.

Yeah, worth it.

[sighs] Well, I guess
it's for the best.

I would've just embarrassed
myself again anyway.

Back to being
just a grandma.

Maybe there's
another option.

[country music playing]

[Adult Adam]
So they did what any fun,
youthful grandma would do--

Bring a baby
to a Country-Western bar.

I need to borrow the mic
for a second.

- That's not something
we really--
- Yes. Yeah.

- [clears throat]
Attention, honky-tonkers.
- [Barry] Whoo!

The other night,
I made a bit
of a fool of myself

here on the dance floor,
and I have to admit,
I was feelin' kind of low.

But then someone reminded me

that just because
you get a little older,

it doesn't mean
you're not still
young at heart.

I'd like to dedicate
this first dance to him.

- We don't do dedications.
- To my son,
Bronco Goldberg.

- [cheers and applause]
- [laughs]

You may begin the hoedown!

Whoo!

- Yee-haw!
- Whoo-hoo!

This is a terrible idea, Beverly.

You are gonna fall
on that baby.

The only thing
I'm gonna destroy
is the dance floor.

What?

No. No. I said "fall."
Did you not hear me?

I'm even more
concerned now.

[Adult Adam] And with that,
my mom was back
in the saddle...

I'm the first woman
to have it all!

...while I was still saddled
with disappointment.

You got a second?

Whatever.

I got your job back.

Thanks.

But I still
don't understand

why you came in
and acted that way.

It was like you were
mad at me or something.

I don't know.

Sort of got used
to having you around.

And I thought maybe
it didn't mean as much
to you as it did to me.

So... you missed me.

Hey, don't put words
in my mouth.

But, yeah,
I guess I did.

You could have
just said something.

I'm not so good at yapping
about my feelings and whatnot.

It's not what I do.

Well, I think
you're doing it right now.

You know, you're pretty smart
for a total idiot.

[Adult Adam]
Getting older can be hard,
no matter what age we are.

[groans]

Yee-haw!

But the amazing thing is,

that doesn't mean we can't
change for the better.

- Wanna hold her?
- [gasps] Yes. Oh!

Oh, she's so precious.
You must be so happy, Beverly.

I am. I really am.

And at least now
you've got someone

who's your
intellectual equal.

Gasp! Was that a swipe at me?

Thank you, Jane Bales.

[Adult Adam] Because
no matter how many
candles burn on our cake,

what keeps us young is the fire
that burns in our hearts.

And regardless of
what age we are,

the lessons we learn
along the way
are most special...

- Oh. Aw!
- Ah!

...when we share them
with the people we love.

Whoo-hoo!

Erica, recent events
have caused me to realize

that country music
is incredibly simple
to write and perform.

That's not even
remotely true.

Well, I've written a song
and I want you to record it,

vaulting us both to stardom
as a mother-daughter
country duo.

Give it a whirl.

I can whirl it into
the nearest trash can.

I'll finish folding
all of Muriel's laundry.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Bubbe's Waltz.

[chuckles]

[strumming guitar]

♪ Drove her wagon down
To the farm ♪

♪ Had a cold beer
With some hot shrimp parm ♪

♪ She wears a sweater
And bedazzled boots ♪

♪ She gives nom-noms
To her schmoopie-poops ♪

♪ She's a bubbe baby
With a golden mane ♪

♪ She's a bubbe baby
With looks and brains ♪

♪ She's a bubbe baby
With looks and brains ♪

What do you think?

I think
I'm an incredible singer,

and I still can't
make this work.