All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S05E22.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,046 Both: [Singing] ♪ hush, island baby ♪ 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,048 ♪ tomorrow you shuck the cane ♪ 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,842 ♪ your little fingers bloody ♪ 4 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,429 ♪ prepare to be whipped ♪ 5 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:15,057 - [Whispering] She's asleep. 6 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,558 [Laptop rings] 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,477 [Baby fusses] 8 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,103 - [Loudly] Hey, it's mommy! 9 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:21,980 I'm in Beijing! - Shh. 10 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,352 Liddy just went to sleep. - Well, wake here up, Jack. 11 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,235 She needs to hear her mommy's voice. 12 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,167 - No, when she's ready, Dr. Kevorkian says 13 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:29,571 we have to put her down. 14 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,924 He's a very good pediatrician, 15 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,228 but that is an unfortunate name. 16 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,927 - Oh, come on, she'll fall back asleep. 17 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,118 - No. Call back tomorrow. 18 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,995 She has babynomics at 11:00. 19 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,747 - [Shouting] Liddy! It's your mother! 20 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,292 Imprinting! Imprinting! 21 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:47,047 - God, Tracy could have cleaned up before he left. 22 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:50,008 And why did he leave all this soda here? 23 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,820 - What are you doing? That's his urine. 24 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,887 - He is not well. 25 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,765 Someday this place is gonna be a kickass duplex, 26 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,097 like on different strokes. 27 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,143 - Conrad bain once slapped me in a men's room. 28 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,163 - I've just gotta get rid of all these boxes. 29 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,106 I don't even know what this stuff is anymore. 30 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:10,487 - Comence a estudiar these, but then yo gave up. 31 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:13,115 Here's the novel I never finished. 32 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,700 - Hmm... 33 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:18,829 "Liz stabbed Jenna repeatedly." 34 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,121 The secret? 35 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,529 I gave you this five years ago. 36 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,166 You still haven't read it? - Ehh... 37 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,502 - It works, Liz. Look at me. 38 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,296 Ever since I started secreting, 39 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,257 I've become a TV star, I found my soul mate, 40 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:33,010 you saw how flat Gwyneth Paltrow sang at the oscars... 41 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,554 I visualized all of that. 42 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,526 - Jenna, the only way to make things happen 43 00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,516 in the real world is by taking action. 44 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:40,808 - Oh, I've taken action. 45 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,437 It dries your mouth out, but the sex is amazing. 46 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,606 - No, I'm talking about taking control. 47 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,774 Like I do every day at work. 48 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,526 I found Tracy, I saved the show. 49 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,446 I always think of a third thing when I'm listing stuff. 50 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,007 - If taking control is so great, 51 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,325 then how do you explain your personal life? 52 00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:00,495 - I mean, look at the post-it note on your sweater. 53 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,664 - Oh, boy. 54 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,250 You're right. 55 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,251 I just have to care about myself 56 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,253 as much as I care about work. 57 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,545 Starting right now. 58 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,830 I'm gonna clean this apartment 59 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,799 while I learn Spanish. 60 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,819 - Last year, I used the secret to learn Spanish, 61 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:15,969 and now I'm fluent. 62 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,461 [Speaking slowly, loudly] Rosa, 63 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,473 I know you stole my necklace. 64 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,059 I'll have your son deported. 65 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:25,479 Oh, wait, I found my necklace. 66 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:26,980 - Oh, boy. 67 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,524 [Exciting jazz music] 68 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:37,816 ♪ ♪ 69 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,249 - Great news, Jack. 70 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:49,503 I've got a new life philosophy that I call Lizbeanism. 71 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,880 - I see. And how did you come up with that name? 72 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,412 - Well, I'm Liz, and obviously, 73 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,634 my philosophy is simple, like a bean. 74 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,552 I'm fixing problems in my personal life 75 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,429 the same way I fix problems at work. 76 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,391 I saved the show, now I'm gonna save me! 77 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,936 Because Lizbeanism means that I am a dyke... 78 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,730 Against the rising waters of mediocrity. 79 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,822 - Good for you, Lemon. - Check this out, Jack. 80 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,110 Tile samples. First, I redo the bathroom, 81 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,446 then I redo the whole apartment, and then the world. 82 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,199 - I'm impressed, Lemon. You're talking like a winner. 83 00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:21,702 I'm going to give you... 84 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,498 One of my neckties. 85 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,744 - This is a big moment for me. 86 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,505 - You're taking control of your destiny. 87 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:34,965 No matter how strait the gate 88 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,937 or charged with punishments the the scroll, 89 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,177 I am the master of my fate, 90 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,680 I am the captain of my soul. 91 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,306 - That's from Invictus! 92 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,058 Wait, who was the white guy in that? 93 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,894 - Maybe someday you'll be like me, 94 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,626 running a billion-dollar corporation, 95 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,333 having people pay you for the privilege 96 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,817 of cutting your hair... Raising a child. 97 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,444 - You're raising a child? Come on. 98 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,004 I think Avery is probably doing that. 99 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,668 - Not really. Avery's been traveling a lot 100 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:02,534 as part of NBC news' hot blondes in weird places initiative. 101 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,286 So she's been out of the baby loop 102 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,738 until Liddy is sleep-trained. 103 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,289 Frankly, it might be easier 104 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,332 if Avery stays in Asia. 105 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,643 - Be careful what you wish for. 106 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,586 According to the secret, it'll come true. 107 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,380 - I wish Liz Lemon would leave so I could go back to work. 108 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,216 - Oh... oh... What's pulling me? 109 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,552 I want to stay here and keep boring Jack! 110 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,471 [Laughter, thud] Oh, okay. 111 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,890 I really fell. I need help. 112 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,476 - Tracy, welcome back. 113 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:28,477 I think I speak for all of us 114 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,228 when I say how thrilled... 115 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,522 - great impression of a guy that sucks, Dotcom. 116 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,525 Look, we got a lot of work to catch up on. 117 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,736 - Yes, sir. It just feels so good 118 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,388 to have the three musketeers and Dotcom back together again. 119 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:41,865 Ooh. Whoops. 120 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,450 - Smooth move, Ferguson. 121 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,285 [Trio laughs] 122 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,537 - What are you laughing about? 123 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:48,538 - Oh, nothing, sir. 124 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,550 Just an inside joke from when you were gone. 125 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,375 You kinda needed to be there. 126 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,667 - No, no, no, no, no. No. 127 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,719 You three are not allowed to have inside jokes 128 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,380 that I'm not a part of. 129 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,966 I can have inside jokes that you're not a part of. 130 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,511 For example, "hot feet." 131 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,306 Or, "ask Melissa about it." 132 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,678 But my entourage serves me. 133 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:10,936 And "smooth move, Ferguson" is not funny to me. 134 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,647 So it is forbidden. Understand? 135 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:17,192 Next order of business, Grizz's DVD reviews 136 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,484 for this weekend. 137 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,655 - You wouldn't expect a movie called somewhere 138 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,533 to go absolutely nowhere. 139 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,244 - ♪ Sometimes we use a song to move a story along ♪ 140 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:31,289 ♪ and explain it to you whoo! ♪ 141 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,375 ♪ 'Cause Liz is taking charge ♪ 142 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:37,045 ♪ she's in control of everything she do ♪ 143 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,507 ♪ in her personal life ♪ 144 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,967 ♪ hey hey, na na ♪ 145 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,593 ♪ in her personal life ♪ 146 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,429 ♪ but here comes a story obstacle now! ♪ 147 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:50,642 What's that? 148 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,602 Tony, there's a bag in that tree, 149 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,980 and it's right outside the window 150 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,440 of my soon-to-be-perfect-life apartment. 151 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,502 - If you're not in the building, I don't have to talk to you. 152 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,820 Trees are city property. 153 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,322 You have to take it up with city hall. 154 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,716 [Beep] - That's your mother, Liddy. 155 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,492 Say hello. 156 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,953 - Who's ready for Skype sex? 157 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,663 [Liddy crying] 158 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,457 - No, this is the Liddy call. - What? 159 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,167 - You people have too much money. 160 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,712 - Hi, Sherry! 161 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,548 I don't know why our daughter would be afraid of Reagan. 162 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,465 - Are you accusing me of not doing 163 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,860 enough Reagan time with her? 164 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,927 - No, of course not. 165 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,638 Listen, news wants me to extend the trip. 166 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:32,392 But I can get out of it if you need me there to help. 167 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,519 [Liddy fussing] 168 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,523 - No. You stay. 169 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,650 - Are you sure? - I'm sure. 170 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,320 Bring back some throwing stars for Liddy. 171 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,195 - I will. 172 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,532 And thank you for being the best husband ever. 173 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:48,283 - [Chuckles] 174 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:52,078 - Hey, do you want to watch me eat jelly beans... 175 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,581 Real slow? 176 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:55,873 - Yes. 177 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,504 - Smooth move, Ferguson. [All laugh] 178 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:02,464 - I knew it! 179 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,436 I knew you were saying that behind my back. 180 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,385 - How long were you in there? - I knew you wouldn't stop! 181 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,472 And now your failure leaves us with only one option. 182 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,267 Explain to me why "smooth move, Ferguson" is funny! 183 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:18,480 - Well, while you were away, we ordered Mexican food. 184 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,482 And the delivery guy tripped, 185 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:26,696 and then mister Griswald said, "smooth move, Ferguson." 186 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,032 - That story is not funny! 187 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,034 - Sir, you had to be there. 188 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,369 - Then I will be. 189 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,496 We are going to recreate all the events 190 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,456 surrounding "smooth move, Ferguson" 191 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,458 exactly as they occurred. 192 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,543 Maybe then we can get on with our lives. 193 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,921 Let's get to work. 194 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:47,467 [Cell phone vibrates, telephone rings] 195 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,679 - Jonathan, what is going on? 196 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,389 - Sir, you need to see this. 197 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,281 Even if it ruins whatever you had planned 198 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,910 for secretary's day, like a poem you wrote for me, 199 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,436 or whatever. 200 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,313 - We go now to a pre-taped statement 201 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,274 from super-crazy Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il. 202 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,403 - [Speaking Korean] 203 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,880 - [Translator] People of North Korea, 204 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,531 it is your dear leader, Kim Jong-Il, 205 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,409 world's greatest golfer and movie director, 206 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,913 and best man at Tom Brady's wedding. 207 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,082 As we all know, 208 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,334 the decadent western journalist spy Laura Ling 209 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,963 left us because she can't party as hard as we can. 210 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,464 [Crowd booing] 211 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,092 - I know, right? - I know, right? 212 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,261 But now, another American reporter 213 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:34,055 has come to North Korea because it's awesome, 214 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,182 and we have enough food. 215 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,393 - Avery Jessup. 216 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,980 - Her name is Avery Jessup, and like me, 217 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,398 her hair is blonde. 218 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,233 [Cheering] 219 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,486 - One of our own, NBC's Avery Jessup Donaghy, 220 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,071 detained in North Korea. 221 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,990 More on that as it develops. 222 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,522 But first, it's never too early 223 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,452 to plan your dog's Halloween costume. 224 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,079 - I told her to stay. I didn't want her at home. 225 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,581 This is my fault. 226 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,042 - Sir, if you say one more syllable, 227 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,544 that's a haiku. - Leave. 228 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,493 - I'm not afraid of you, city hall. 229 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,428 Let's do this. 230 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,192 Don't go in there! Run, citizen! 231 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,195 [Coughing] 232 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,451 - Look, boehner, we're all upset. 233 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:37,327 I mean it's my wife! [Man crying over phone] 234 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,412 John, stop crying. 235 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,247 I... I can't understand you! 236 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,892 - I said he's busy! - Busy, Jonathan? 237 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,156 I've got a bag stuck in a tree. 238 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,461 Jack, I have a bag stuck in a tree outside my apartment, 239 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,420 and I can't get it down. 240 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,472 And I don't know why it's making me so crazy. 241 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,382 - Yes, you do. You said it yourself. 242 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,468 It's not just about a bag or a view. 243 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,200 It's about taking charge of your life 244 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,054 and solving problems. 245 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,473 I'm facing a similar situation myself. 246 00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,974 - Lay it on me. Two-way street. 247 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,227 - Avery has been kidnapped by Kim Jong-Il. 248 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,270 - What? Why? Is she a spy? 249 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,022 Oh, my god, I already know too much! 250 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,483 - Kim Jong-Il runs a vast propaganda machine. 251 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,360 Evidently, his latest insane idea 252 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:11,921 is to bring in a western journalist 253 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,696 to report on how the free world 254 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,824 is being conquered by North Korea. 255 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:20,995 - And in food news, you've had enough to eat today. 256 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,665 Now here with the weather is Johnny mountain. 257 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,251 - North Korea, everything sunny all the time. 258 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,336 Always good-time beach party. 259 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,963 Back to you, Avery. 260 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,299 - You have to call President Clinton. 261 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,351 He got Lisa Ling's sister out of North Korea. 262 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,345 - President Interbush is out of the question. 263 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,917 Avery will never accept his help. 264 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,692 She can't forgive him for not hitting on her 265 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,350 during the 1996 Democratic convention. 266 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,203 - She's much too thin. - I do, of course, 267 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:48,022 still have some connections, but my best bet is fraught. 268 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,595 I never should have broken up with Condi via text message. 269 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,944 - You broke up with Condoleezza Rice by text? 270 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,029 - Me plus you equals frowny face. 271 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,490 - Yeah, you can't call her. - I know. 272 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,284 But I am going to solve this. 273 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,953 Just like you are going to solve your equally important 274 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,497 bag in a tree situation. 275 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,332 Invictus, Lemon. 276 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,170 - Now that I've killed that bug, 277 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,255 I'd like to call this "smooth move, Ferguson" 278 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,340 recreation meeting to order. 279 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,632 Kenneth, report. 280 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,261 - Well, sir, we've got the delivery guy booked, 281 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,388 but I've run into some big problems. 282 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,682 For example, it was raining that day. 283 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,100 - Get a rain machine. 284 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,810 Look, here, take my credit card, 285 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,605 use it to break into a special effects warehouse 286 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,190 to steal one. 287 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,233 - Well, sir, even if we did that, 288 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,961 there are some things we can't control. 289 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,112 We don't remember what we were wearing. 290 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,405 Dotcom was sick. 291 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,697 Security footage. 292 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,700 Dotcom licks the subway steps. 293 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,994 These are solvable problems! 294 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,121 - Well, what about this? 295 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,749 Miss Maroney was here screaming at Mr. Rossitano. 296 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,251 Later that day, she got her hair cut. 297 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,753 - Aw, thank you. 298 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,423 - The point is, her hair was longer then. 299 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,176 J-Mo, how long would it take for your hair to grow back? 300 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,321 - It depends. Do you have access to horse semen? 301 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,055 - You know I do. - Give me three weeks. 302 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,741 - Then we'll reconvene in three weeks. 303 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,307 Meeting is adjourned. 304 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,352 Oh, my god, what happened to my bug? 305 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,482 - Stupid grappling hook! 306 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:16,152 Can't catch one little bag? 307 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,326 You think I'm giving up? 308 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,161 Did I give up when that squirrel 309 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,013 I trained to retrieve you just ran away? 310 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,040 You will not win, Mr. Bag. 311 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,833 - But, Liz, I already have. 312 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,125 - What did you say? 313 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,211 - Jack's wrong. 314 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:36,005 No human is truly the master of his fate. 315 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,801 Even your dream apartment can't protect you from death. 316 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,011 I'm not ruining your view. 317 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,514 I'm reminding you of your mortality. 318 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:48,184 'Cause you know I'll be here long after you're gone, 319 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,687 the wind rustling against my genitals. 320 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,022 That's right, bags have genitals. 321 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,482 - You don't know me. 322 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,025 - Go ahead, buy nesting tables. 323 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,902 Paint an accent wall. 324 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,530 I'll watch the emts take you out in my cousin, 325 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,283 a body bag. 326 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,624 - K-9, operation Ferguson status report. 327 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:15,670 - Rain, check. Room temperature, check. 328 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,755 Miss Maroney's hair length, check. 329 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,257 - Do you like it? 330 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,134 If you say no, I'll drown myself. 331 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,927 - Mr. Griswald, could you put the TV 332 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,138 on the right channel... MSNBC. 333 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:28,182 - Was Dotcom standing that gay? 334 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,934 - No, sir, he was not. 335 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,906 - Today denying reports that Jessup Donaghy 336 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,980 is anchoring a fake western news channel, 337 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,107 calling the accusations, quote, 338 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,234 "as ridiculous as the dunk Kim Jong-Il won 339 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,361 the NBA dunk contest with." 340 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,697 - Hey, what's my boy KJ doing on TV? 341 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,741 - What? That's Kim Jong-Il. 342 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,242 - Yeah. We did a movie together 343 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,077 that he directed and co-starred in. 344 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:53,458 [Grunts and loud smacks] 345 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:54,459 Death to the CIA! 346 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:58,671 Let us all increase production of millet and sunflowers! 347 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,257 - I defuse bomb, black partner. 348 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,426 Hasta la vista, baby! 349 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:08,306 - Dude, I think you did a North Korea propaganda film. 350 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,492 - It was either that or playing a rapping doorman 351 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,559 in a Kate Hudson movie. 352 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,891 - Oh, okay. [Watch beeping] 353 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,147 - Oh, he's coming. Places, everyone. 354 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,698 - Smooth move, Ferguson. 355 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:33,081 - [Laughing] 356 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,958 I get it now! That was so funny! 357 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,128 Everyone laugh. 358 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,671 Now, you sons of bitches! 359 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,467 [Uninspired laughter] 360 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,933 - Tracy, it's come to my attention 361 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,643 that you know Kim Jong-Il. 362 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,615 And obviously, I'm concerned about my wife, 363 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,365 and I want to know what she's going through. 364 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,233 Please, hold nothing back. 365 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,027 - Okay, but you might not like what I have to tell you. 366 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:08,032 Kim Jong-Il sometimes shoots in a close-up too much. 367 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,534 Comedy lives in a wide shot. 368 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:13,162 And also... This is gonna be rough... 369 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,374 His acting notes are often vague. 370 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,168 - Okay. Thank you. 371 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,212 - What is this? 372 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,672 My god! 373 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,091 They're letting her speak. 374 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,653 - For the past three weeks, I have been honored to partake 375 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,346 in a political re-education regimen. 376 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,391 I have voluntarily taken several floggings 377 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,268 for being an arrogant American... 378 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,186 - That's okay. She's tough. 379 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,648 We do a lot of pirate-themed sexual role playing. 380 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,233 I'm a parrot. 381 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,152 - Also, I spend eight hours a day 382 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,486 breaking concrete blocks 383 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,447 to learn to be an obedient worker... 384 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,198 - No problem. She pays $1,000 an hour 385 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,908 to do that with a trainer. 386 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,120 - And I have concluded that capitalism may be flawed. 387 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,123 - [Gasps] My god! 388 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,751 What are those monsters doing to her? 389 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,423 [Knock on door] Dr. Rice? 390 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,967 - Well, look what the cat dragged in. 391 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,659 - Hello, Condi. You're looking well. 392 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,220 - You know, I've been to the dmz. 393 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,639 They have signs. Can your wife not read? 394 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,434 - Okay, we're all adults here. - So what is it? 395 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,478 Is she funnier than I am? 396 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,897 She's certainly not younger, is she? 397 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,648 - Condi, we are not doing this. 398 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,358 - Oh, we are doing this! 399 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,069 - I'm sorry that I broke up with you by text. 400 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,072 I'm sorry I went drinking with Karl rove... 401 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,364 On Valentine's day. 402 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,202 I'm sorry that I said your favorite movie was lame. 403 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,287 - Mars attacks! Is awesome! 404 00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,581 Now admit that I'm better at the piano 405 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,167 than you are at the flute. - Never. 406 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,169 [Classical composition] 407 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,129 ♪ ♪ 408 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,422 [Accompanying on flute] 409 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,258 ♪ ♪ 410 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,261 [Trading chops] 411 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:58,267 ♪ ♪ 412 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,311 - Follow this, you Turkey. 413 00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:08,603 ♪ ♪ 414 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:15,201 - All right, damn it. You are better. 415 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:16,733 - I'll see what I can do, Jack. 416 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:20,706 Now get out of here before this gets weird. 417 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,753 - [Whispering] You're the Turkey. 418 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,130 - Know what, Mr. Bag? 419 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,383 I will have a nice day! 420 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,301 I'm gonna hang you in my kitchen 421 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,303 and fill you with other bags. 422 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,014 You will eat your family! 423 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,909 - Hey, that's city property. Put the saw down. 424 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,601 - No, I almost got him. - Right now! 425 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,493 Don't think I won't taser you, all right? 426 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:46,315 I've got OCD, and I love doing paperwork. 427 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,572 [Taser crackling] 428 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,323 - Aah, it was worth it! 429 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:58,202 [Cell phone vibrating] 430 00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,121 - Avery? 431 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,581 - Jack! Oh, thank god! 432 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,249 I forgot the U.S. country code, 433 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,021 but then I remembered it's number one. 434 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,252 - How are you calling me? 435 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,824 - Nobody has ever seen an iPhone. 436 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:08,998 I told them it was my razor. 437 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,275 I have to shave my legs with it, but they have an app for that. 438 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,509 - Oh, Avery, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. 439 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,219 I told you to stay. 440 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,971 - No, this is nobody's fault. 441 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,615 Except maybe that pansy Harry Truman 442 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,348 for not taking down this country 443 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,183 when he had the chance. - Truman! 444 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:22,555 - Look, my battery's dying, 445 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,290 and the outlets here are shaped weird. 446 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,206 And I don't think they have any electricity in them anyway. 447 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,710 So I don't want you to worry about me. 448 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,191 They actually love me here. 449 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,235 I already won a North Korean Emmy. 450 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,713 So if I don't ever make it home... 451 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,904 - Avery, don't say that. 452 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,115 I spoke... To condoleezza. 453 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,617 - Really? 454 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,469 Did you also call Sally ride and her sister? 455 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:40,620 - Come on, Avery, not now. 456 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:42,580 I am going to get you out of there. 457 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,472 You are married to Jack Donaghy, damn it, 458 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:45,934 and the world doesn't get to do this to us! 459 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,127 We control our fates! We are in charge! 460 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,339 Avery? Are you still there? 461 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,345 I'm sure her battery died right after I finished that speech. 462 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,637 Just like I wanted it to. 463 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,931 - Smooth move, Ferguson! Ha ha ha! 464 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,142 Smooth move, Ferguson. - Mr. Jordan, 465 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,061 please let it go. It's just a joke 466 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,146 - it's not about the joke. 467 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,940 It's about what the joke represents, you monsters! 468 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,232 - What do you mean, sir? 469 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,361 - I came back, and you were fine without me. 470 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,071 You laughed without me! 471 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,073 And that was our special thing! 472 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:20,076 But no, you thought smooth move, Ferguson, 473 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,577 was so hilarious! 474 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,455 - [Sobbing] It wasn't. It wasn't funny! 475 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,082 There, are you happy? 476 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,250 - You just dropped a bomb, k. Continue. 477 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,544 - We were miserable without you, sir. 478 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:34,215 "Smooth move, Ferguson" was trying to fill a void 479 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,107 because Mr. Slattery's political cartoons 480 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,384 weren't cutting it. 481 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,969 - I can't draw hands. 482 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,097 - You're the one who makes us laugh. 483 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,224 Never go away again. 484 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,934 - [Bawling] 485 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:48,104 Don't ever tell me what to do! 486 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:52,274 Quad hug, me in the middle! 487 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,110 Also, due to a paperwork mix-up, 488 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,612 you will not be getting paid this month. 489 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,197 [Bawling] 490 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:01,242 - I did it, Jack. I got the bag. 491 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,035 You were right. No matter how much 492 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:04,370 the gate is strait, 493 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:06,288 or who punishes the scrolls, 494 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,251 I am the captain of my holes, or whatever. 495 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,086 We are in control! 496 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,213 - No, we aren't. I was wrong. 497 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:18,968 Condi tried, but Avery plus freedom equals... 498 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,260 Frowny face. 499 00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:23,723 - I'm sorry, what's happening? 500 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:24,682 [Applause] 501 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,374 - They're never going to let her go. 502 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:30,354 Avery is now married to Kim Jong-Il's son... 503 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,646 Kim jong-UN. 504 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,316 - What? [Bicycle bell ringing] 505 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,158 Nooo! 506 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,160 Mortality! 507 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,537 - Smooth move, Ferguson. 508 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:51,292 - Put that coffee down. 509 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,544 Coffee for closer only! 510 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,004 I'm here from park and Kim. 511 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:58,132 I'm here on a mission of mercy. 512 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,633 Your name levine? - Yeah. 513 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,361 - You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch? 514 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,665 - I don't have to listen to this. 515 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,347 - No, you don't, pal. 'Cause the good news is 516 00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:06,639 you're fired! 517 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,976 Oh, have I got your attention now? 518 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,520 - The leads are weak. - The leads are weak? 519 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,523 You're weak! Luke, I am your father. 520 00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:18,068 Ghostbusters! Let's go, black partner. 37882

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.