All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E22.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- Previously on 30 rock...

- So you're...
- In three weddings

on the same day, yeah.

- Fate is telling us
we're each other's

settling soul mates.

- I've been seeing someone else,

and I think I'm in
love with both of you.

- Jack wants me to stall?

So I'm gonna marry...

Japheth.

And we're gonna live in...

Nineveh.

And I'm gonna be a...

Prostitute.

- Yes, I continued
to see other people.

- One person, who apparently
you're also in love with.

- It's possible. Haven't you
ever read Archie comics?

- Jack, I got divorced.

- I didn't know if you
would ever leave Mark,

so I let myself fall
into something else.

You look amazing in that dress.

- You look like a gay
mortician in that suit.

- You know, Kenneth,
I have a thankless job.

For example, I'm
here on a Saturday

to show around
some Kabletown folks.

Chk-chk! Boom!

- [Exclaims]
- It's not real.

Point is, I usually only
get to deliver bad news.

But not today.

Kenneth, you are the new...

Junior in-charge boy of the
entire NBC page program.

- Oh, my goodness!

This is my dream come true.

And to hear it from my best
friend in the whole world,

comma, bald category.

- Well, you start in two weeks.

And they'll give you some moving
money to help you get to L.A.

- California?

I can't move out there

and be away from all of you.

No, thank you, sir. I'll pass.

- No, you can't pass.

Jack put you up for this.

If you don't want the job
you have to talk to him.

- Fine. I will talk to him.

And Mr. Donaghy will understand,

cause he's my best
friend in the whole world,

comma, beautiful hair
category. Parentheses, strong.

- ♪And a man must
leave his mother ♪

♪ and a woman needs her bones ♪

- What can I say, Nancy?

I want to be with you.

I want to take naps with you.

I want to watch you
watch a hockey game.

I want to find long red hairs
in my overcooked pot roast.

I love you.

I do love you,

because you know
that what I really am

is a poor mama's boy from
Sadchester, Massachusetts

who had to wear his sister's
hand-me-down corduroys.

- They were orange and
had hearts for pockets.

- And you like me anyway.

- Yeah, I get it, Jack,

but what are you
gonna do about it?

I can't share you
with another woman

like you're that
mormon guy on HBO

who was in that tornado movie.

The one with the
girl with the forehead

who was married
to that Jewish guy.

- What?

- I'm a mom. Give me a break.

I need to know right now,

are you in or are you out?

- In. Nancy, I'm in.

- Okay.

Then I'm in too.

- ♪Sum of all his parts

♪ there is a love

♪ Floyd and Kaitlyn

[high] ♪ there is love...

[Exciting jazz music]

♪

- Paul? What are you doing?

- I thought you
were going to get

your hair done for
your friend's wedding.

- I was, but I forgot
my bag of hair.

Is this who you're into now?

Cher?

You're being another
woman behind my back?

- It's not what it looks like.

- Oh, spare me
your lame excuses.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned,

but when a girl
dates a straight man

who impersonates her on
Stage for mostly gay audiences,

she has certain expectations.

Fidelity, Paul.

It's not just the name
of a bank that sued me.

- But I love you both equally.

- I don't know what to tell you.

But you have to choose.

It's her or me.

- [As Cher] Jenna, babe, wait.

[Normal voice] I'm sorry.

That came out wrong.

[Door slams]

[Whipsering]25 minutes... okay

- Mr. Donaghy!
- Oh! God, Kenneth!

I need to talk to you about
an urgent, page-related matter.

He came outta nowhere!

We can talk on Monday.

Ms. Donnovan and I have an
hour between weddings to, uh...

-Tickle eachother
like telletubbies.

That's how I used to
explain it to my kids

when they walked in on us.

But I don't want
my promotion, sir

I wanna stay here in New
York with all my friends.

I'm not going to let
you say no, Kenneth.

This is a promotion for you.

And yes, it's difficult,

but today is about
pulling triggers.

It's about making bold choices.

- It's about...
- Two spidermans fighting...

Sometimes make weird noises
but they're not hurting each other.

- How often do
they walk in on you?

- A lot.

If you'll excuse me.

- D'oh, bother! Treble bother!

- What is it?

- My fancy dress slippers.

I left them in my office.

- So go get them and
meet me at Cerie's wedding.

- No. When I was fired,

I vowed on the snipes name

I would never set
foot in there again.

Also Kevin in security
has a picture of me.

- So, what, you want me to
go get your tuxedo shoes?

- See? Our minds are already one

as our bodies soon shall be.

There's the address.

- Of course. You
work in insurance.

- Specializing in the
transportation industry.

Fulfills my boyhood
passion for train accidents.

- Fine. I'll go get your shoes.

- Farewell, my luscious plum.

- Oh, son of a...

- why is your face like that?

- California? No way, Ken.

You got to tank this promotion.

Do a sloppy job, and
they'll leave you alone.

That's how I got out of
doing foreplay with Angie.

And my taxes.

- That's not in my nature.

- If you've learned
anything from me,

it's how to do a bad job.

Go. Honor me.

Save yourself.

But first get me a sandwich.

- Get it yourself, chubbs.
I'm on a coffee break.

- That's my boy.

[Jazz music]

♪

Ah.

Hit the ladies' room real quick.

One of these non-denominationa

-around weddings is gonna start.

- Jack Donaghy.
- Paul I'astname.

I'm Jenna's boyfriend.

- Oh, I've heard a
lot about you, Paul.

- Well, it's all true.

I'm a native of Houston,
and I love to cook healthy.

- And the female
impersonator stuff.

- Oh, sure. Of course, yeah.

It's actually been causing
some problems at home lately.

Do you think it's possible
to love two women at once?

- I know it's possible.

But at some point, you
have to choose, Paul.

You can't delude
yourself with thoughts like,

"what if I could somehow combine
them into one perfect woman,

like a s'more you could
take a shower with?"

- But how do you know if
you've made the right decision?

- You don't.

You'll always be wondering

what your life
would have been like

if you'd opened that other door.

- Like at a haunted
house sex party.

- Exactly.

- Thank you, Jack.

- Come on, Jessup.
Get it together. No tears.

[Thud]

- Everything all right in there?

- I'm fine. Thank you.

- Here. You need
this more than I do.

I never put my mouth on it.

- Thanks.
- You look so familiar to me.

- Oh, I'm a financial
reporter for cnbc.

The hot box with a very Jessup.

- No. You ever do a commercial
for overshoppe. Com?

- Oh, god, I did.

Oh, that was before I got
rid of my Maryland accent.

- Does the "o"
have it? "O," we do.

Do you "o"? "O," no?

Let go. "O."

- Ugh. That accent's idiotic.

Anyway, nice to meet
you, Avery Jessup.

I'm Nancy.
- Hi.

I'm not normally this...
ahem... overwhelmed.

I-I came here to
talk to my boyfriend

or whatever he is.

I mean, this whole situation...

Clamp down, Jessup! Be a winner.

[Sighs]

Oh, my god.

I can't drink this.

- You wanna talk about it?

- Oh, tuxedo slippers.
Give me a break.

- Excuse me.

I'm supposed to meet you here?

- Huh?

- Are you Wesley? I'm Carol.

- I'm sorry. What's
happening now?

- I'm supposed to meet a
Wesley about my insurance claim.

- Wesley doesn't
work here anymore.

- Are you serious?

I mean, I made the appointment,

like, a month ago. I
rearranged my whole Saturday.

- Are you a doorman?

- Yeah, I'm a
doorman... To the sky.

I'm a pilot.

- Oh, okay.

- Well, look, it's a pretty
standard workman's comp claim.

I'm sure you could handle it.

I was flying the 7:00 A.M.
from tampa to louisville,

and we had a
two-hour weather delay,

so naturally all the
passengers got drunk.

Generally speaking,
if there's a delay

of more than 20 minutes, I might
as well be driving a party bus.

It's just idiocy.

I don't know what's
going on in this country.

- I know. People wear
flip-flops to church.

And the NBA tattoo
situation is out of control.

- Thank you. Anyway, we're
about a half hour into the flight,

I hear this commotion
behind me in the cabin,

so I exit the cockpit,
I go down the aisle,

and to my left, I see...

- [gasps] A terrorist?

- No. I wish. No,
it's a drunk lady.

She's pulled her pants
off, and she's ranting.

She's complaining about
the in-flight entertainment.

So things got a little heated...

And I had to implement sky law.

- What's...
- Sky law.

It's when I put on the
"fasten seatbelt" sign,

and no one's allowed to move

till we've had ten
minutes of silence.

I made the whole thing up.

But, you know,
people are stupid,

so they don't question it.

- That is awesome.

So what is the workman's
comp part of this?

- Eventually, I flipped
the drunk lady off,

she bit my finger.
- [Laughs]

- I know. It was
totally unprofessional.

But she was bagging
pretty hard on my TGS.

- What?
- TGS.

It's this late-night
show on NBC.

We run it in-flight when
we're northwest-bound.

Basically, the greatest
thing ever on television.

I don't stand for anybody
besmirching it on my aircraft.

- Do you believe in fate?

- Wait a minute.
Are you kidding me?

You write for TGS
with Tracy Jordan?

- I'm the head writer.

I'm not an insurance
claims adjustor.

I'm just here
because my cousin...

- Well, I mean, it's
my favorite show ever.

There's the one
fart doctor sketch

where this fart doctor's
trying to figure out who farted

in the spelling
bee, and he's like...

- "He who spelt it, dealt it."

I wrote that. I write
all of the fart doctors.

- I can't believe this.

- Would you like to go to a
rich girl's wedding with me?

- I don't know. Does
that sound like more fun

than me eating alone
at the LaGuardia Chili's?

- I won't leave you, sir.

No matter what it takes.

Good afternoon,
and welcome... Not.

We begin our stupid tour

of this once-great network

outside studio 6h.

Uh-oh. Ring-ring.

Hmm. What's up?

Nothing. Just giving a dumb
tour to a bunch of uggos.

Let's meet up later

and smoke some drug cigarettes.

[Laughter]

- You're a pilot, huh?

I should pick your brain.

I'm developing a daytime talk
show with Sully Sullenberger.

- Yeah, I met that guy.

He's not that great.

You know what a great
pilot would have done?

Not hit the birds.

That's what I do every
day... Not hit birds.

Where's my ticket
to the grammys?

- Hey, what took you
so long in the bathroom?

- The usual ladies'
room nonsense.

Girl with boyfriend troubles.

Someone forgot tampons.

Everybody's bad
at science and math.

You know the drill.

- The ceremony
will be starting soon.

- I'll get our table number.

You get as many
drinks as you can carry.

- I'll see you at
the reception, Liz.

Jack.
- Carol.

- Get ready for some of this.

Later.

- He's here with you?

- Indeed he is.

I see that Nancy is still here.

You're welcome.

- Smug 40-year-old bridesmaid.
What a treat for everyone.

Yes, Lemon, I am with Nancy now.

- What made up your mind?

- Well, I decided
that any decision

was better than
no decision at all.

- Huh. I don't know, Jack.

I used to feel that way
too, but now I know

you can't force your fate.

You just have to
let it wash over you,

like a spray tan that won't take
because your skin is too oily.

- That's absurd, Lemon.

The world is made
by those who control

their own destiny.

It isn't made by
those who don't do.

It's made by those who do do,

which is what made
me the man I am.

I do do.

- Yeah.

- Grow up, Lemon.

The point is I made my
choice, and I'm not looking back.

Period.
- Period.

- Avery Jessup?

Son of a...

[thud]

- What did you do
on your tour today?

Those were the
Kabletown executives...

Our new bosses.

- Sir, I was just
trying to do a bad job

so I wouldn't have
to go to Los Angeles.

Everyone there smiles
creepily all the time.

And that's sort of my thing.

- Kenneth, you're not going

to Los Angeles.
- Oh.

- Because they're
making me fire you.

You're fired.

[Door opens and shuts]

- Ready?

- Here. This is yours.

- Oh, Nancy, I'm sorry.

This is an
embarrassing oversight.

- Jack, this morning at church,

you told me all the
reasons that you loved me,

some more graphic

than were appropriate
for the setting.

Now I want you to tell me

what's so special
about this other woman.

- Well, I like how
she's less hot than you.

- I'm serious.

- What can I say?

She's smart. She's pretty.

She can tell you the dow
40 in order of market cap.

She knows how to
field dress a deer.

Why do you...
- Go on.

- Okay.

Her laugh is like music.

Really mean music.

And she always wears high heels

because, according to her,
flat shoes are for quitters.

For god sakes, what can I say?

You'd like her.
- So you weren't lying

when you said you were
in love with two women?

- No. I wasn't lying.
- Good.

Then I feel a lot
better about leaving.

- What?
- Avery's here, Jack.

And she's pregnant.

- Oh, my god.

This is crazy.

- Ah, it's fate.

You were supposed to be a dad.

And by the way, when I
blew your mind last night,

I was giving it about
50%. [Clicks tongue]

- Unhand my fiancee!

- No, no, he's just a groomsman.

And a Somali pirate. Careful.

- You tried to end
our engagement

with a textual transmission.

Your behavior as a fiancee

has been as weak
as American tea.

There. I've said it.

Our first argument, everyone.

- You're engaged?

What if the bachelorette
party theme was sluts?

- No, the engagement is off.

You keep talking about how
fate is trying to push us together.

You know what, it is.
But not to meet you.

To meet the right man.

His name is Carol.

Like carroll o'Connor
from Nick at nite.

- Exactly, Cerie. Thank you.

Carol is the one that
I was fated to meet.

And, yeah, I've only
known him for a few hours,

and maybe this sounds crazy,

but I already feel
like I could spend

the rest of my life with him.

He's the one that
I've been waiting for.

And someday, when Carol
sees my disgusting foot secret,

he's gonna be okay with it.

I can tell.

You were wrong, Wesley.

We don't have to settle.

The moms were wrong.

Stupid buzz aldrin was wrong.

So thank you and good-bye.

Praise to the
universe. Love is real!

- Fine. It's your loss.

There's only one Wesley
snipes in this world.

- You know there isn't.

- [Grunts angrily]

- How much of that did you hear?

- Well, you were engaged.

Apparently you hate buzz aldrin.

Foot problem.

And you and I are going to spend

the rest of our lives together.

- I see.

I'm sure you could
get a cab on Houston.

- Yeah, I'm gonna depart.

On time.

I'm a pilot.

- [Sighs]

- Jack.

- Carol.

- ♪In your eyes

♪ in your eyes

♪ there is a light

♪ in your eyes

♪ in your eyes

- could you turn
that down, please?

- ♪There is a li...

[Music ends]

- Mazel tov.

- I'm trying to tell you
I want to get married.

- Oh, for god's sakes, Jack.

What do you think, you're just
gonna sweep me off my feet?

This pregnancy is two
years ahead of schedule.

I'm suing Dodecacil.

I'm suing you. I'm
suing this baby.

- You can't control
everything, Avery.

Sometimes it's just fate.

- Ugh. Is there gay
juice in the champagne?

- See. I want you
to teach our child

how to say awesome
stuff like that.

- I would be a kick-ass mom.

But if this is just you
trying to do the right thing...

- no. I want this.

I've always wanted this.

But maybe it's too hard.

The career, motherhood,

keeping it tight

to stay camera-ready
for breaking news.

I mean, sure, soledad
O'Brien does it, but...

- I wipe the floor
with that bitch.

Let's do this.

- Love is patient.

Love is weird and
sometimes gross.

Love is elusive, and
you have found it.

So treasure it.

To Grizz and Feyonce.

[Applause]

- On behalf of
Grizz and Feyonce,

I'd like to thank Jack Donaghy

for letting us have
this reception here

after the other location
couldn't support the weight

of Grizz's extended family.

[Applause]

Now hit it.

- Naturally, I blew it.

Now I'm alone in a dashiki.

I wonder what that
Somali pirate's deal is.

I could live on a boat.

- I don't even know
where Paul went.

I guess he made his choice.

- You know what? Forget men.

We've got each other.

- Yeah. Let's go lez.

- No, I meant, like, a book
club or something. Jeez.

- Right. Sisterhood.

That's something
we can count on.

I'll never... is that Paul?

- You have a lot
of taped-up balls

to come here dressed like that.

- Oh, my god.

- If this is gonna work, Jenna,

it can't just be all about you.

- But...
- No buts.

I'm the man here, and
you're gonna respect me.

- Yes, shma'am.

- Lemon, you know that's a
young boy's puberty dashiki.

- Wrong, Jack. It's a
warlord's concubine dashiki.

Avery, you're here.

I'm not surprised.
Why should I be?

- And I'm pregnant.

- Also not shocking me.
Reacting appropriately.

- Lemon, I think your pilot
friend is looking for you.

- [Scoffs] So?

I thought he was gone forever.

I guess I should go talk to him.

Carol, what are you doing here?

How did you get past security?

- You walk briskly
in a pilot's uniform,

you can go pretty much anywhere.

I've been upstairs
at the white house

while the obamas were sleeping.

- I thought you had a flight.

- Yeah, I do. Those
dirt bags can wait

on the runway a
couple more hours.

- I hate people too.

- Look, I'm 39
years old, I'm single,

and lately I've been thinking
there's a reason for that.

I keep expecting
people to be perfect,

but nobody's perfect.
- Yes. Exactly.

- So if the worst
thing about you

is that you give crazy
speeches to fiances

and maybe you have
some kind of foot thing...

- That was a joke. I
have medicine for it.

- Why don't we give this a shot?

As long as you're not
Jewish. I'm totally kidding.

- Yes. Let's do this.

And honestly, Carol, I
am a very normal person.

Not a good time, guys.

- Liz, Cher and me,

Paul, and I want to
thank you for being a part

of our lives.

- And for encouraging
us to be like this.

- I can't believe I'm meeting

1 1/2 Jenna maroneys right now.

Hi. Hi, there.
- Hi.

- Carol.
- Carol. That's a girl's name.

- It's a family name.

[Microphone feedback]

- Hey, everybody.

I got fired today.

You won't have Kenneth Ellen
Parcell to kick around anymore,

so I want to tell you people

what I really think of you.

- Hey, this ain't the...
- No. No.

For four long years, I have
listened to you all complain

about your east coast
media elite problems,

your apartment renovations,

and your overpriced
star wars memorabilia.

- That doorman is hammered.

- I have watched you

throw away better food

than my family
eats at Christmas.

And I have loved it.

You people, you
are my best friends,

and I hope you get everything

you want in life.

[Feedback]

- Kenneth!
- [Yells]

So kiss my face!

- That was actually
really sweet.

- I'll see you all in heaven!

Have a wonderful summer!

All: ♪joyful, joyful

♪ everybody be
joyful, oh, happy day ♪

♪ oh, happy day

[scatting]

♪ Open, open

♪ your heart up to heaven ♪

♪ oh, happy day

♪ oh, happy day

♪ no more should we
wander in darkness ♪

♪ the shadows have faded away ♪

♪ when you open

♪ your heart up to heaven ♪

♪ oh, happy day

[scatting]

♪ Happy day, oh,
happy and joyful ♪

♪ heaven and 30 rock